Growing Up with Young Parents |Fatherhood & Sacrifice

Gavin Boulware shares his personal story of being raised by parents who were just 18 and 20 years old when they got married. In this heartfelt conversation, he reflects on growing up alongside his mom and dad, witnessing their sacrifices, and learning valuable life lessons from their journey.

This episode of the Just My Baby Daddy Podcast dives deep into fatherhood, parenting challenges, and the unbreakable bond between parents and children. Gavin and host AJ Adams explore how shared growth shapes families and why changing the narrative around Black fatherhood matters.

📌 Topics Covered:

• Life with young parents
• Sacrifices fathers make for their kids
• Lessons learned from growing up together
• Changing the narrative around Black fatherhood

#Fatherhood #Parenting #BlackFathers #JustMyBabyDaddyPodcast #FamilyStories #PositiveParenting

Transcript

AJ Adams (00:11)
Welcome to another episode of Just My Baby Daddy podcast. It's your favorite baby daddy AJ. today it is so good to connect with other dads that are into dad content. And today we have our guy, Mr. Gavin Bower. How you doing, sir?

Gavin Boulware (00:28)
Bro, I'm good. Thank you for having me. This is like a long time coming. Like a long time coming. Like this is well overdue. I remember when you first like shot us an email, like it had to be over a year ago. And I thought it was like a fake email. ain't gonna lie. Cause you know, like when you start your pie, you get all them spam emails, people trying to help people want to come away. And I was like, all right. And then I looked at the name. I'm like, hold on this name kind of look, I'll tell you what sold it for me. Y'all had a logo.

AJ Adams (00:48)
Yeah.

Gavin Boulware (00:56)
and it was super fire. And I was like, all right, this is a real pie, but you know, we've been chopping it up. So I'm glad to be here, man. Glad to be here.

AJ Adams (01:03)
Yeah,

well the logo the logo change the logo had two people one is so much better was just me like ⁓ I don't know if you guys even listen if you do kiss my ass Eli. I'm gonna get you on here, too ⁓ Yeah, but yeah, so I'm gonna start you off the same way we start off everybody on the pod What does it mean to you to be a dad?

Gavin Boulware (01:07)
Yeah. Yes.

Yeah, come on Eli, you gotta come sit with us one more time, man.

Bye.

Bro, being a dad to me is like, how do I wanna say this? First of all, it's special to me because I had a great relationship with my father. One that wasn't always perfect, but it was like, my dad had me when he was 21.

You know what saying? My dad and mom got married. You know, they got married when he was 20. My mom was 18. You know, one year later I'm here. So I grew up with my parents. That's what I love to tell people. Like I grew up with my parents. So I saw them make mistakes. First of all, I don't know who the hell gets, first of all, I don't know what woman gets married at 18. Like, you know what saying? And you know, my favorite thing my father used to always tell me is like, yo, your mom ain't the same woman she was when she was 18, when she was 25, 35, 45. Like, shh.

And he's like, I didn't know that woman, you know what saying? So for me, growing up with my father, growing up, you know, they kids, with kids, right? And I'm growing up with them. It was dope because I seen the sacrifices he made. And I always said like, hey, I want to be a better version of that. So for me, it's like a great opportunity to show that, hey, I had a great example. Let me see how I can take this shit to like the next level stuff like that. So being a father to me is just, it's just like an achievement.

a lifetime achievement award. I just got to work a lifetime to get that achievement award.

AJ Adams (02:45)
Yeah.

You know what's sad? Well, I don't say it's sad. I'm glad you think of it as a reward because we ain't gonna get one. We ain't gonna get one for it. It's the truth. It's the truth. I'm glad we do it. It's thankless, but we do it. We reward ourselves.

Gavin Boulware (02:59)
Bro, you gotta relax. Luke, man.

You know what? Because you say like, hey, I want to be a great dad. First of all, we say that, right? And we don't work. We don't realize to like become a great dad. You have to work. And these kids will test you. They will work you. And I only have a three year old. You know what I'm saying? So he he just got here and it's just like.

But every day I'm working and every day I'm realizing like damn It's the light is not like near the end of the tunnel. It's more work to be done And it's funny because I was telling mike. Um My co-host I was telling him today. I was like, I don't think I didn't need my dad until I was like 33 Well, I was like

All right, I think I got this. Like I got it, right? But before then, you know what saying? I laugh because I'm like, I'm pretty sure my dad was like at 18, I'm good, right? Like he gonna be good. And he sent me out to college. He did his, the minimum requirement, whatever the case was. And then it was like, well, I need him to 21, right? Then I was not even 21. I need you to I get out of school. And then it was like.

I moved into my first home and I needed him, you know, he came to every meeting with me because I just didn't understand stuff. You know what saying? And then you speed up and then I'm getting married and then I need his advice on that. And then it's like, all right, then I have a kid. You know, the joke is, and it's going to sound crazy. I said 33 and I'm 36. I flooded my house literally six months ago, right?

The laundry, the water hose came out the washing machine, flooded my upstairs, came downstairs. I came home, I was gone for 45 minutes from the crib and I walked in my house and the ceiling is raining. It's raining from the ceiling, right? First person I called was my father. I ain't called the police, I ain't called the fire department, I ain't called the insurance people, I called my dad and I was like, yo, I need you at my crib. I don't know what the hell is going on. And then I called him back, was like, yo, I got this. I was like.

AJ Adams (04:53)
Mmm.

Gavin Boulware (05:04)
I just needed to calm down, but I just needed, you know, somebody to talk to right quick. And he was like, you sure? I was like, yeah, you can come by whenever, but it ain't no big deal. And he came by a couple of hours later, you know what saying? But like, but yeah, they always gonna make you work.

AJ Adams (05:17)
Yeah, well, I mean, that means you still need them though. You can stay up until you're 33, but that's not gonna stop. That's not gonna stop because when you turn, because you're not 40 yet, right? Because when you turn 40, it's like, well, what is this new 40 gonna feel like? And then you're gonna have, just having that influence there is gonna be key. You know what I mean? I I say that as somebody that don't have it.

Gavin Boulware (05:20)
Mm-hmm, absolutely.

Nah, never.

Nah, bro, I'm 36.

Yeah

AJ Adams (05:45)
I'm just guessing that it sounds good, right? I would think it would be key. I I would want to have it. Like, somebody to talk to. I mean, I don't have just because I don't know the age difference isn't as vast, but like when I'm 60, I don't have nobody 80 years old that's going to tell me what the fuck is going to happen when I these elements and shit. I ain't got nobody 20 years old. Like, with a 20 year old older than me friend. I don't got that. So like, that's good to have.

Gavin Boulware (05:46)
Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah

Yeah,

man.

AJ Adams (06:15)
Would you say he's your biggest influence on how you pair it now?

Gavin Boulware (06:19)
yeah, he is because my parents both in general, but especially my father because he's just so like well balanced and kind of just like, you can ask. So the funny part is my cohost met my, he knew my parents before I was born, right? So they knew him as a child.

because they all went to the same church organization, right? And so when my dad was 21, my co-host was like six, you know what saying? Or he was like, excuse me, he was like 12, somewhere around there. And then I came around later. So it's like super cool with that aspect. But anybody who knows my dad, like, yo, he's just a chill dude, but he's level-headed. And my dad has always taught me like, hey, you know,

One of the things I have to say about my father is he always apologized. And some of that came later. He used to always apologize when I was younger, but I was just like, all right, whatever. It was cool. Like, thank you. But, hey, you said I can't do this. I can't do this. You said I can't go here. I can't go here. It don't matter, right? But then when I got older, I realized I appreciate his apologies. Like, hey, hey, I didn't do this right. I should have did this. I should have listened here.

I should have said this to your mom. I should have said this to your sister. I should have said this. And it was real like, dang, like, all right. So when it comes to me, it's like, I want to make sure I parent the best way I can possible and learning to say sorry and having conversations with my son and stuff like that. But yeah, most definitely as far as parenting, he's the number one person. It's like the influence there.

AJ Adams (07:56)
So let me ask you this, now that you are, you had your first child in your 30s, right? Do you look back and say, they really had me in their 20s and my mom had me at 19, your mom was 19 then, right? Right, can you sit back and imagine what your life would have been like if you had kids at that age?

Gavin Boulware (08:02)
Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Hell no.

Bro, I was in a hospital when we had my son, I'm in a hospital. And so, you you got to sleep on that, that damn couch that's in the corner right there. The worst, it's the worst thing. So I remember sitting there and I remember we had one more day we could have stayed at the hospital. And I told my wife, I'm like, yo, let's go home. Like I can't sleep on this one more time.

AJ Adams (08:24)
That's... that's shit. Yeah. Yeah, we all sleep in the same thing. Yeah, I know. Yeah.

Gavin Boulware (08:41)
And then, you know, she's trying to scoot over, let me sleep in a bed with her. The nurse got wind of that. And the nurse was like, hell nah, like you cannot sleep beside her. Like you got to sleep on this couch or leave and come back. So anyway, I was laughing. We laughed at that. And I just remember sitting there, we get home and you know, the first day is cool. The second day is like when the real work start. And I looked at my wife and I was like.

Yo, my mom was 19 doing this. My dad was 20, 21 at that time. was like...

I don't know how they did this. And then one year later, my sister came, right? So, you know, and then with my wife, her parents by 22, they had three kids. So me and her was just like, yo, how did they do this? Like what was going on back then? Like, it's just like, cause these kids now, man, especially I got COVID, I got a COVID baby, bro. Like he built different. He just, don't know what was going on, but them COVID kids is different dog. And, but yeah. So like I said, they're going to work you. They're going to make you work too.

AJ Adams (09:41)
Yeah. So let's back up a little bit. I realize I introduced you and you keep saying my co-host, my co-host, my co-host. What is your podcast?

Gavin Boulware (09:45)
Mm-hmm.

Yes.

I am one half of the black dads club. I tell everybody, we tell everybody, we are not a parenting podcast. We just two dads that sit down and talk. Like if you come in there and thinking you about to raise your kid or get some sound advice on how to raise your kid, you need to tune in to just my baby daddy's podcast or somebody else. Cause we ain't got nothing for you. But you.

AJ Adams (10:14)
Sound

advice? I don't know, but you just want to talk, right?

Gavin Boulware (10:18)
So, we, we love, but you know what? The Black Dance Club, we've been doing it honestly since my son was born. The podcast started cause we came home after the pod, excuse me, after my son was born, I took three months off. I didn't do no photography cause I'm a photographer full time. I didn't do no podcasting. And so when I came back first episode, Mike, who's my cohost, he's like, yo, how's it been? He asked me that on air and I think I just dumped like, yo.

y'all because Mike's son is is seven years older than my son and I was like bro it's so much you didn't tell me I said yo you didn't tell me about no sleep you didn't tell me that this girl gonna be going through it you know I'm saying you didn't I said yo you didn't tell me that like

I'm gonna forget to shower some days. ain't gonna, you didn't tell me it was gonna be days I had to choose between eating and sleeping. you, like nobody don't tell you that there's gonna be a day where you gotta say, yo, I can either go to sleep right now or I can eat breakfast right now.

AJ Adams (11:14)
You got a son, I'ma tell you what I was, and my son was my second child. I'ma tell you what I didn't know. And he threw me completely off the first time it happened to me. I was like, no, this shit ain't real. I thought this was like some cartoon shit. Was motherfucker really pissed on you? Like, you changed his diaper and he just flicked up and just pissed? ⁓ my God! I was like, this little nigga here, like what are you doing?

Gavin Boulware (11:15)
Yeah

you

Yeah!

Yeah, bro.

They don't, look, it's so much. And so we do this episode and it went really well. We wasn't getting no listens before this. I'd be honest with you. When I tell you we getting zero listens, it was bad. We was getting like seven, 12, 20 listens. And so, so, but after this one, we, we seen a little traction. I don't know if people just like, yo, y'all back. Like, let's just tune in.

AJ Adams (11:55)
I know it was like.

you

Gavin Boulware (12:05)
And afterwards Mike came to me. He was like, bro I think I just want to do this like I want to talk about this like just dad stuff Like what do we care about his father? So it's a mixture of everything some dating, you know He's dating some of his politics a lot of sports, but a lot of like pop culture but in a lot of like How do we create a community of just top tier men in our community that just you know by the way, we just so happen to be father. So that's what's going on over there

AJ Adams (12:33)
Yeah, I like y'all showing everything. can't, I can't bro, cause I feel like I would, I get myself into too much trouble with that type of topics.

Gavin Boulware (12:36)
Appreciate you.

Nah,

whenever you come into Charlotte, you gotta sit down with us. We got a seat and a microphone for you. Yeah.

AJ Adams (12:47)
I could be a guest on stuff like that.

I know if I got a microphone and I'm just talking, I get myself in trouble. That's why I stick to the dad shit. Like the dad, like dad is safe, dad is calm, that's who, dad is who I am. Dad is who I am. So let me ask you, let me ask you this. When was your first, man, I'm really a dad moment that you had.

Gavin Boulware (12:53)
Yeah.

Look, yeah, we have fun. We have fun though.

dude, my first probably my first one is so My wife had a long maternity leave Just the job she was at at that time. They did like six months, right? And so yeah, it was crazy. And so Anyway, she thought she had two weeks left

Right? And so we go on daycare, we go into the daycare to do a tour. And when we leave in the restaurant, and my son is like, he's five months, something like that. Well, he's about to be six months, because she's been gone literally for almost six months. And so we leave in a restaurant to go to the daycare tour, bro. And so we're there and the lady called and was like,

AJ Adams (13:33)
you

Gavin Boulware (13:51)
Her job called and said, hey, so you're reporting back on Monday. And she was like, no, I have two weeks. And she said, no, you don't have two weeks. You got two days, Saturday and Sunday. Like, wife, I lost her shit, right? So anyway, we go to the daycare, everything is cool. so to answer your question, I think my time was like, so the first day of daycare, she couldn't go, she couldn't mentally go.

AJ Adams (14:01)
Woo!

Gavin Boulware (14:16)
And so I had to do it. And so it's me. I'm really carrying a newborn in a car seat to the daycare. And I'm literally carrying him up there. Like, shoot, I'm dropping my baby off. And I pick my son up every day. Like I drop him off every day at daycare. I pick him up every day. And it was like, doing that was really like what's going on. Also.

I get that feeling all the time because whenever I pick him up, he runs around the corner from daycare and just yells my name and come and jump into my, like he jumps and just grabs bear hugs like a koala bear my leg. But yeah, dropping him off at daycare, man, like, and going to pick him up, that was probably my time.

AJ Adams (14:54)
So let's just speak to that one thing because I don't think people talk about that enough. That one little moment that you're talking about and I know exactly what it's like when you're coming into that daycare and first of all, you don't like even going to that daycare because you don't like paying for it, right? But you're going into that daycare and you walk in there and that little...

Gavin Boulware (15:04)
You

Yes.

AJ Adams (15:17)
that you created just sitting right there. Like you get so your nerves, probably in the next two minutes after you leave daycare, they're gonna do something to piss you off. But that little 30s, that little two seconds when you walk around that corner, like what was that like, especially when you notice that they run and talk, cause yours is still young right now. And that run, that daddy, how does that feel?

Gavin Boulware (15:20)
Uh-huh.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah

Bro,

it feels great, cause he's cheesing, he's got his arms wide, he running full speed, and the daycare teachers, they just smile. Also, I ain't gonna lie, it's probably like me and like four of the dads who be picking up and dropping off near the same time. And I think the daycare loves that. They get to see like black fathers, like super active, right? Like one dad, me and him, I see him every day. You know what saying?

I send him pod merch, like stuff like that. Cause you know, and so for me, just hearing his voice, hearing him smile, seeing him be excited, you know, sometimes I don't know if he doing it cause he didn't got in trouble. So he trying to hurry up and get me up out the door. Cause he didn't did that before. Like he'd be like, let's go, let's go. And then we were going out the door and the daycare teacher was like, I need to talk to you. it's like that. like here now I wouldn't trade that in nothing for the world. Honestly, I,

AJ Adams (16:25)
You

Gavin Boulware (16:34)
I told my girl, I'm like, I want to record this, because I want to remember this like when he's 18, right? You know, before he started getting stank and he need deodorant and all this other stuff and he need to wash his ass more like all that stuff. like, that feeling in the world make you be proud to be a dad.

AJ Adams (16:52)
Yeah, actually recording will be a really good idea because it was funny and it just played itself out again for me earlier this week for my daughter's birthday, my daughter's second birthday where I think it was my oldest daughter, was even she was turning two or three and I went to the daycare and I recorded because I wasn't...

Gavin Boulware (17:03)
Okay.

Mm-hmm.

AJ Adams (17:13)
I wasn't in town a lot during that time. And I came in town, I was picking her up from daycare and I had like the little cupcakes and everything. And I just got the video of me coming up and her losing her mind, just yelling daddy, daddy, daddy. And we fast forward to shit literally like 10 years later. And as my youngest daughter.

Gavin Boulware (17:16)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

AJ Adams (17:35)
My oldest daughter said, hey, dad, I want to make sure I stay an extra night. Cause normally they go back on Sunday. She said, I need to stay until Monday. I want to go to daycare cause she's seen the video of like the whole thing happening. She said, man, I want to go and I want to do that now with my sister. So it was like, it's cool recording that I think would be really cool. Cause it'd be something you can look back on later on and just, especially when they piss you off.

Gavin Boulware (17:42)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah,

and you know what's funny about the daycare? Cause my boy birthday is in two weeks, right? No, excuse me, three weeks. And we gonna go to the daycare with cupcakes. What's funny is when you walk in and the other kids know that you're like, hey, this is like, my son name is Roman. They'd be like, Roman, there's your dad. Like they know. And I'd be thinking that's cool too. And I always laugh cause they'd be like, Roman, your dad's here. Come get your dad, blah, blah, blah. And I always laugh about that. But yeah, kids are funny, bro.

AJ Adams (18:26)
Yeah.

Man,

that's one adjective to use, I mean.

Gavin Boulware (18:34)
Yeah, that's one of the

let's use it as a top one today.

AJ Adams (18:37)
Yeah, yeah, mean kids are definitely fun in his trade because right now you're in this position where he's building his own little personality and everything now. So, what has that been like to see that? And are you seeing any bits of your personality there?

Gavin Boulware (18:47)
Mm-hmm.

Bro, what he talks nonstop and I finally understand why my mom said she used to be tired all the time. Like sometimes I'll be like, y'all I'm raising me and it's scary. it's, dude, he wake up talking, he go to sleep talking. Like that's what I used to do as a kid. I used to always talk probably when I got a podcast, right? Like, but he...

AJ Adams (19:14)
Yeah.

Gavin Boulware (19:15)
He talking, he fearless. He be on top of stuff and just jump off like skydive off or something, right? His favorite character is Superman. I mean, not Superman, Spider-Man. So like he be trying stuff he be seeing. So I'm like trying to get him to not to do that. it's, know, trying to get him to stay focused on certain things, you know, and I'm just like, yo, this is exactly what my mom used to be on my ass about all the time that I used to just be like, I ain't that bad. And I was never bad. I was just so active and talkative. So

Yeah, it's a lot of data around the house. But it's fun, man. Some days I'm tired. Some days I'm just like, I could do this. You know what saying? It's tough when my wife's job requires her to travel a good little bit, right? So it's funny. Today I had to put my boy to sleep early because she's in Arizona. And I was like, I knew I had to do this. And so, you know, so certain days where it's like this is like, he be pushing it. But like when she here, it's a lot easier.

You know I'm saying so it's all cool though

AJ Adams (20:11)
Well, speak to that because that's something that we don't give enough credit to is the help and support that your wife provides being there. So how does that help?

Gavin Boulware (20:20)
Yeah.

Dude, so I tell everybody, I couldn't imagine doing this by myself. I think that was the other thing. As soon as we had him, like on day two, or day, not even, probably day two, probably first week once we got home, right? I think I called my sister and I was like, y'all don't know how you did this by yourself. Like, I just don't. I don't get it. I don't understand it. I was like, I don't understand why nobody would want to do this on their own. Like, I just don't, ⁓ I could,

AJ Adams (20:50)
I don't either.

Gavin Boulware (20:51)
Yeah, because it seems like you can't be 100 % at anything doing this by yourself. Like you not even raising your kid 100 % the most healthy way doing this by yourself, let alone work, let alone your social life, let alone if you have a spiritual life, let alone everything else that, know, 100%, you're not giving it to nowhere because this is so much, it requires so much. And so for me,

You know, when I have my wife, like we tag team mornings. Sometimes it's her morning. Sometimes it's mine. And some, and that ain't like, Hey, it's Tuesday is your morning. It's like, yo, when that alarm clock go off, one of us is hopping out the bed. And it's been times where I hopped up and she was like, yo, get 10 more minutes of sleep. got you. Like I, because I take him to school, right? So it behooves me to get him up and get him moving. But she like, no, I got it. You good. Right.

We tag team homework, you know what saying? But of course, if she's cooking, then I'm doing homework. I'm, you know, playing with him and we trying to, you know, one of us is bathing him. The other one's making sure he got clothes out, stuff like that. So I love the partnership of it. You know, me and her, always made a joke, like if something ever happened to us, we just gonna have to stick this thing out until he like to a certain age, we'd be like, all right girl, we can't do this no more. Cause I couldn't imagine y'all like it's, he's a lot and I'm grateful for it, man. I always tell dudes, I'm like, yo,

Give you like, bro, it don't benefit black men to have kids outside of like, their wives and stuff like that, because you'll be stressed, dawg. You'll be stressed. You'll be stressed. And it sucks because the ladies don't like to hear that. And then it's like, when you talk to me and they just sound super, super stressed and I'll be feeling bad for dudes, cause I'm like, I know it's tough out there.

these girls like, bro, if my wife is driving me crazy at certain times, right? I know if you're not in the house with the person you're raising your kid with, I know it can be tough and stuff can get lost in communication and stuff like that. but now I really, you know, I really appreciate my wife, but sometimes I get to do the single dad joint when she's out of town. She got a, she got a, I know, but she has, she has a,

AJ Adams (23:04)
I'm stop you right there. You don't get to

do the single dance, Because you know at the end of the day, her ass is coming back.

Gavin Boulware (23:07)
Nine and nine.

She coming right back.

You know, that's the joke. She always feels bad because at the middle, in springtime, she's gone for like six weeks, right, for work. And so I be here. And so she be like, she be feeling bad, but she'll come home like some weekends, stuff like that. But it's literally, she fly in, she go right back out and she be feeling bad. And I'm like, yo, I know you coming home. I ain't tripping. Like, I just got to deal with this until then, whatever. And it ain't like I'm like losing my mind. I know why.

she's gone, I know she's working and I think that's the other thing. Sometimes men are dealing with women who don't understand the sacrifices that we make as men and so it gets tough but yeah you know how to go. I don't want to go in the whole soap box. ⁓

AJ Adams (23:51)
Hey, hey, can look but see this

is what but I'm letting you talk cuz you know, I don't want to go

Gavin Boulware (23:57)
Hey man. Can I go?

AJ Adams (23:59)
I know, I know,

I know you can go. Look, the platform is here for you to go and me to listen, because sometimes I know.

Gavin Boulware (24:07)
Nah, it was funny. know, that was, that whole logic is how I lost a group of friends. I say that on the podcast one time. I lost a group of friends. I don't talk to none of them anymore, man. And it was, yeah, but it wasn't even that. It was our group chat was, it was men and women.

AJ Adams (24:17)
Because them niggas was hurt.

Gavin Boulware (24:24)
And the ladies did not like that logic. And you know, it was tough because we had some guys in there. We had two guys in a group who was going through hell with their baby moms. And they was like, yo, he right. I don't know why y'all fight him on this. Like, because it was like as soon as I had my kid, I think I wrote in our group chat the first week. I don't know how people do this alone. This is not it. This is not the this not the mode. And the girl I was like, I would never like I would just would not.

AJ Adams (24:48)
Mmm.

Gavin Boulware (24:54)
And the girls didn't like that. The group chat broke up. But the dudes, it was funny on the side. They had said it to them and then I spoke to them. They was like, bruh, that shit for the birds, bruh. It's really for the birds.

AJ Adams (25:06)
be by the self doing this shit like like

Gavin Boulware (25:08)
Yeah, doing this and

it's so much more expensive.

AJ Adams (25:12)
Man, I'm gonna tell you man, I'm gonna tell you. This is, it's so odd that it's taken in differently, right? Like you say that to, you can say that about men and you shouldn't be alone. me for example, I'm by myself. I can take it, listen to it and be cool with it.

Gavin Boulware (25:29)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

AJ Adams (25:33)
Sometimes when you talk to certain people, take that and they get offensive and everything. It's just the truth. Some people can't handle hearing the truth. Like, that shit you talking about, I don't know how niggas do it. And I look at myself every day and be like, I don't know how I do it. You're like, yeah, they walked around stressed. I'm like, this nigga's talking right to me. He must not be looking up in the camera. Like, yeah, this nigga's living my life.

Gavin Boulware (25:40)
Yeah.

Yeah.

because I'll be looking at it. Like I got a wife at home and we doing this together and some days it's just like, I be stressed, right? But I still got somebody who could say, hey, at any given day, like, hey, I got you. I can take this. Let me do this for you. I got to give you a great example. So.

Thursday I got to meet me and my boy gonna pick her up from the airport We got to go straight to a photo shoot as soon as I get her from the airport We're going to a photo shoot right and so as soon as we get to the photo shoot The funny part is it's like I she get to watch him while I'm doing the photo shoot

You know, I couldn't imagine like having a baby mom and it's like, hey, I need you to watch the kids. I got to go to work. And it's like, nah, it ain't my time. It ain't my week. It ain't my day. And I'm like, I get it. You know what saying? But I'm like, that's tough. That's a tough world to be in. So I'm glad I'm not in that world. And I pray for all my brothers that's in that world. Hopefully it gets better soon.

AJ Adams (26:57)
Yeah, I mean, I've been in that situation with like, you know, the person they have to go to work and I just got it. It's not my week. I'll take them. not a, it's not a, because I, to me, I will take my kids 365. I would, I don't, would I prefer to do it by myself? No. But if it meant I got to see them every day, I will take them by myself every day of the week.

Gavin Boulware (27:05)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yeah.

And most

men would, dog. And I think that's what bothers me about like...

And I would love to know your opinion on like how your opinion has like shifted on black men, especially black fathers since doing this podcast. Cause I guess I had a certain view of like black fathers before I did my podcast, nothing negative, but like you, you believe some of the statistics, right? Or you believe some of the narratives out there and then you, start this pod and you start meeting other black fathers, then you start finding black communities and then you start researching stuff yourself. And you like, wait a second, wait, what? Like most of the dads who I talked to, they like, yo, if I

have full custody of my kid I take it like I like but they won't give it to me they won't want to help me with that and like

It's a tough word to be out of dads. I know personally love their kids. They want to be with them 365. You know what saying? And when they girl called him and said, Hey, I need to switch weeks or I need to do this. It's like, cool back because I'd rather have my kid and my kid was some random babysitter or they go, you know, you looking for childcare or is your, you know, your sister who I don't like, you know, stuff like that. Right. So it's like, nah, I'd rather have my kid. You know I'm saying? So, but before this part,

AJ Adams (28:27)
Yeah.

Gavin Boulware (28:33)
I didn't think that ever like really existed. You know what saying? So, but yeah.

AJ Adams (28:38)
So for me

I've only known good dads, right? So even though I wasn't raised by it, like my family, my cousin has full custody of his daughter. Like, and he's had full custody of his daughter since she was, I think maybe four or five years old. Like, so I've always known about just good dad. Now, when I grew up, I grew up without a father.

Gavin Boulware (28:42)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

AJ Adams (29:04)
everybody,

my cousins outside of the two, we all grew up like, know, ⁓ dads, neighborhood, I only think of one set of friends, were two brothers, they had their dad, they was just their dad. But like, I couldn't think of nobody married, like, so it's, it wasn't a thing until I got older. And now I see dads everywhere, right? And, and it's uplifting to see

Gavin Boulware (29:10)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

AJ Adams (29:31)
But one thing I do notice too is a lot of us go through the same shit. A lot of us do and the thing is what's good about this is it's a platform where people can speak about it openly.

Gavin Boulware (29:37)
Mm-hmm.

AJ Adams (29:47)
Because a lot of times we do have these conversations. We all go through the same stuff, but we might only talk about it with maybe one or two people in our friend group and that's it and don't go outside of that. You know what mean? And it's like, you feel like you're so isolated in the bubble. So even me within my friend group, like my friends, like my single friends do not have children. My married friends, my other friends that have children, they're married. So it's like...

Gavin Boulware (29:47)
Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

AJ Adams (30:14)
I'm in here single with kids. just, I ain't living that life that they living at all, the single ones. And I don't have the support and help that the married ones have either. So it's just like, I'm just out. So I'm just out here. But then I realized I talked to one of the dads like, you got a child's mom that's, yeah.

Gavin Boulware (30:20)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

AJ Adams (30:36)
Understand

that yeah. yeah, I get that I Definitely get that I don't say everything that you know I just nod my head sometimes because I don't do certain things still so you know I can just kind of not my hand agree, but like yeah, it's but I also say I Do a good job of vetting

Gavin Boulware (30:42)
Yeah.

Thank

AJ Adams (30:56)
what I put out and what I who I talk to because I will say and I don't know if they watch my content or not.

Gavin Boulware (30:59)
Mm-hmm.

AJ Adams (31:04)
But the niggas episode ain't never coming out, because I know he's fucking lying. You know what mean? So I don't just allow anything to happen. You can't come on here and act like your super dad when I brought you on here to tell the truth. Not for you to build a platform for yourself, or you try to get holes or something. Nigga, come on, tell the truth. This helps nobody.

Gavin Boulware (31:07)
you

Yeah.

I love when a

dog before I had to dad's podcast, I had a photography podcast and I used to bring guests on and they were like some of biggest liars. And I used to be like, yo, I know you line. You forgot, I know you. it's like, and sometimes you be looking at them like.

Hold on, you trying to do this for the Instagram or are you trying to play my face right now? Like, I think you trying to play with me right now, cause you know I know the truth and like you really try, you got me fucked up right now. Like I'm with you, so that's funny to hear.

AJ Adams (31:53)
Hmm?

Yeah, like come on man, like we are here to talk. Like there are dads that are not in their children's lives. It's, well, it's not okay, but there's a reason, there's a story, there's things to it. You're not the only person that has that story, but don't act like the shit's not happening. Like we're not, we're not, we're not going to do that. Like you got something like.

Gavin Boulware (32:04)
Mm-hmm

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

AJ Adams (32:22)
You got sad babies, but we're gonna talk about your two kids, like we're gonna talk about your four kids. Like, come on, like, no, we're not, we're not, not, we're not doing that. We're gonna talk about all of it. We're gonna really get real about it. It's not just the point of us doing this, you know?

Gavin Boulware (32:25)
Yep.

Absolutely, absolutely.

AJ Adams (32:39)
I mean, I'll talk about my flaws and shit. I mean, I do. If I'm gonna do it, I spent my guess to be able to open up and do the same. But if I'm not vulnerable enough to do that, then I don't expect them to be, so, you know.

Gavin Boulware (32:50)
Yeah,

and I try to tell dads all the time, especially when they come on our pod, it's like, bro, the number one thing that you will learn, married, not married, boy or girl, one kid, multiple kids, like all dads going through the same exact stuff, dawg, like we all facing temptation. We all facing like the kids getting honors. We all facing issues with the mother of our child. We all facing like, am I doing this right?

You know, that's one of the things that scares me the most as a dad is like, yo, am I doing this right? I've seen good examples, you know what saying, with my father and stuff like that. But like, am I doing my part right? Am I setting my kid up correctly? You know what saying? it's all, you know, it's cool because you're running to people and be like, yo, y'all said something that made me be like, all right, I'm on it. I'm headed in the right direction. Or you know what?

At least I ain't going through this alone, which that's the biggest thing I want people to understand that, hey, I ain't going through this shit alone.

AJ Adams (33:48)
Yeah, that's one of the biggest things too. Especially when it comes to the mental stress and all of that that you're going through, trying to provide, trying to make sure you do everything and you don't break a sweat. You gotta do it, not necessarily with a smile on your face, but you just do it and just keep pushing and just keep moving. No second to take a deep breath and breathe. We just keep moving and moving and moving.

Gavin Boulware (34:02)
Yeah.

Yes.

Absolutely.

AJ Adams (34:15)
So before you get out of here, I'm gonna ask you, I'm gonna get you out of here on this question. What would you want your legacy as a father to be?

Gavin Boulware (34:20)
Cool cool cool.

Oh my gosh. My goal, let me put it like this. My goal has been everything that my father did for me. I'm trying to figure out how far that I can take that for my child. Right? And I want my son to know like, hey, my dad reached for the stars. And so I'll tell you what that means, what that looks like for me.

When I was younger, I remember, bro, we was in the third grade. I was in the third grade, excuse me. And I remember my dad, you know, my dad is high school educated and he was working in a warehouse. And I just remember my dad was just like, you cannot go to. Are you from Charlotte? No, no, but you you spend some time here, right? So my dad was like, yo, you're not going to Ganger. I don't know if you know what Ganger is. It's on the East Side. It's not a good high school.

AJ Adams (35:08)
Yeah, yeah.

⁓ no,

I think I know what you're talking about, yeah.

Gavin Boulware (35:17)
Yeah, so my dad was like, you're not going there. Like you're not going there. And I remember at the third grade, I'm like, who, what, why are we talking about high school? You know what saying? And I remember the next year I was in a school in a better district, excuse me, in a better part of the city where I could go to nicer schools. He bought a home.

up there and it was just like he prepared himself in the high school. You know what blew my mind is I'm in elementary school and I'm like, so what high school am I going to go to? Because I'm so young. I don't understand the concept of like, you go to middle school, then you go to high school, right? The high school wasn't even built yet, bro. But like that's how far my dad knew. You know, my parents knew that the high school was coming. They knew where it was going to be at. And they knew that, hey, they don't get first priority kids that live in this side of town, blah, blah.

And like that always stuck to me as a child. Like he was thinking there.

I always laugh and I tell people, like, I remember coming, I remember being in elementary school and telling my friends I went on a cruise and none of my friends knew what a cruise was, right? But like, my dad was like, I want you to see stuff. I want to take you places. I want you to get out there. And so like, and he's doing this because he didn't have none of that, right? And he was like, yo, no, my kids gonna grow up in the suburbs. They gonna go to a nice school. They gonna be able to go to college if they want to.

him we had no choice of going to college anyway right so it was like it was that so i want my legacy would be my son is like hey we gonna get to all those steps faster and we're gonna get you there further right so i'm working towards that even furthermore just to expand the question is like i want my legacy more or less with the pod to be i want a community of like me and bruh like you know i say this

And we can look, we can come back to this on another episode. I feel like there's like a division with black men. And then you got these like little young boys, these little YNs who just cut up and who make us look crazy and public. Right. And then you got you got these the upper top black men, you know, whether that's good jobs, whether it is take care of your kids, you just an upstanding man. And you don't got to be rich. You know what saying? We know too many celebrities who got a bunch of money and they just suck.

life right they just trash people but I'm talking about like the top third of black men that are really just genuine people who want to be great men who want to take our community to another level I want to create a community of those people with the podcast and I want to see what we could do because I really think you know it's a it's a damn shame that we still talking about black people 13 % of this country dog like that don't make sense right

It's a damn shame where they lie to us. We can't shift elections no more, dawg. It ain't enough of us, right? You know what saying? But we should be able to. You know what saying? It gotta be us here in boardrooms. We gotta like...

AJ Adams (38:08)
Mm-hmm.

Gavin Boulware (38:15)
I love when I speak to other black men, like, I sit on the board at my child's school. And I'm like, that is amazing. You shifted into how to education at your kid's school. that's how you look, you take your expertise, you go sit on the board at a school. Now your kids getting accepted into that school and they getting this free education. It's mind blowing, right? But like.

AJ Adams (38:22)
Mmm.

Gavin Boulware (38:38)
We gotta start changing those things and reaching out and saying like, hey, how do we change the narrative? Not even just the narrative no more in black men. That's changing, right? But at the same time, how do we change the world? So I wanna create that as well. But yeah, definitely like taking us everything a step further with my kid. Maybe I have another one. I want one more, bro, they expensive. You know how much daycare costs.

AJ Adams (39:01)
Well, I'm

not helping that percentage of black people in America. That shit is, whatever it is, it's gonna stay that way if it's up to me. I'm gonna tell you that right now. I'm not here to help populate America. These niggas gonna stay exactly where they are. Numbers ain't gonna miss Spain at all if it's up to me. So that ain't...

Gavin Boulware (39:13)
Look.

I'm

giving y'all one more if she allows me.

Bro, it'll be the last way. But you know, it ain't even that. I saw some wild ass stat and I don't look, we gotta fat check this. But I forgot, yeah, that's true. But like the amount of abortions from black women, the amount of abortions that was contributed to black women was so high. It was like mind boggling to me. I was just like, yo.

AJ Adams (39:30)
We don't.

Gavin Boulware (39:41)
Like some of that is that, and I'm not talking about medical abortions and stuff like that. I'm talking about like, know, just stuff like that. it's like, cause.

AJ Adams (39:50)
No, I

think you realize you've been talking to me this whole time like, damn, I feel bad. I'm not helping the population of new babies in. I added to that portion one long time ago. Long time ago, though.

Gavin Boulware (40:04)
No, so like, it's like,

yo, our community gotta keep growing. then, dude, once we keep growing and we start figuring out, you know, I always laugh because I said, dude, I look at the church I used to go to and me and Mike's biggest joke is like, if you imagine what black churches could be, if let's say in a home, let's take black church, right? And you say like, all right.

Everybody that's born there that's raised in those churches if those churches say hey who is the best? You know photographer here. How can you help this church? Who is the best insurance agency agent here? Everybody in this church needs life insurance like you I want you to sit down with every family help them It's gonna help your it's gonna help your agency, but it's also gonna help the people here once we start caring about community

then things will change. know, if they would say, hey, who's the best lawyer in here? So now that anybody here that has a case, maybe you could be able to help them out, offer them some type of advice. You will still get paid. Like we gotta, if we able to say, hey, how can you help?

the organization, because that's how the black community used to really be ran. It's like, all right, we got our leaders. They got some influence in the church. Now everybody getting paid. it's like, shit is a mess, but whatever, man. That's a whole nother.

AJ Adams (41:20)
Yeah, yeah, I mean,

yeah, if we did, I don't even want to talk about lawyers, because if it's a lawyer, you can't help out everybody in the church if they're going against each other.

Gavin Boulware (41:30)
They can't, but think about, look, about, think about if you, think about this podcast, think about your podcast. If you got everybody that you knew to help you out and they the top, you know, the top marketing person sat down with you, you know I'm saying? The top production person that you know, sat down with you and think about what they could do for your pod, It'll change your life. If they could just, not even saying they have to work for you, but if they just say,

AJ Adams (41:55)
If these niggas could be reliable,

that's a whole other story.

Gavin Boulware (42:00)
who you tell it.

Who you telling? You imagine, you know what podcasts gonna be like if people was reliable like that. Yeah, but I looked, I liked that. Like I got a couple of boys right now who helped me out in like, I use a expertise, you know what I'm saying? I had a dude who, we about to be on the TV network.

AJ Adams (42:07)
⁓ my gosh. my gosh.

Yeah.

Gavin Boulware (42:23)
And one of my friends, he's a lawyer and I hit him up. said, yo, I don't know how many photo shoots I owe you, but can you look over this contract for me? Cause I, I, I don't know what's going on. And he looked over it for me, but I said like, that's how we got to start working with people. Like that's how our community grows. It's like, yo, Hey, I can't help you with this. I'm into digital marketing. I'm into photography. I'm into, I'm a lawyer, you know, stuff like that. But you know, that's how it is, bro.

AJ Adams (42:33)
Yeah.

So look, we're gonna do, we're gonna try to help your community grow. So before we get out of here, I want you to give us all your socials, everything that you're gonna do, and how everybody can contact you.

Gavin Boulware (42:54)
⁓

Look, you can find me at, first of all, follow the Black Dad's Club podcast, it's Black Dad's Club on everywhere. And I have it super easy as well, it's im underscore Gavin B. That's everywhere. It don't matter if you're on Twitter, Facebook, threads.

I was one of those weirdos like back when Facebook first first got started and they let you create your username and I stuck with I am Gavin B and I ain't changed it since dog like so and luckily I just get a new whenever a new app come out. just hop on there and get my joint and dip out.

AJ Adams (43:32)
My answer's my name. Like, it's just easy. Like, ain't nobody got that shit. ⁓

Gavin Boulware (43:33)
Look, yeah. And then you know what made me

mad was I got on TikTok and then I forgot the dog on. So I logged in on a phone on TikTok and I traded that phone in and that was the only way I can get in that thing. So I still got my name, but I can't log in that shit on TikTok for that. yeah, follow us. We drop an episode every week.

If you like photography and you like shit talking, come to my personal page. I'll be on there and there. But besides that, I do want to say this. I want to thank you. What you're doing is dope. Keep toughening it out, though. Like people need you. People need to hear your voice. People need to hear the people you haven't known here. I tell every creator like you already know. I can assume that you already know. It's dark days. It's days when you don't want to do this. It's days when your kids is is they got you tired.

AJ Adams (44:24)
don't ⁓

Gavin Boulware (44:26)
They don't want to you know i'm saying like

I it was a reason why I told you earlier I said yo at eight fifteen eight o'clock That's when I can try to make sure everything is set up because my kid was like he was adamant on not going to sleep You know i'm saying but like what you always say I always tell everybody like keep this up man every episode My advice to you personally is like every episode

AJ Adams (44:39)
yeah.

Gavin Boulware (44:49)
Try to make one thing different and try to make one thing better than last episode, whatever that could be. And I promise you, you just gonna see this thing grow beyond like your wildest dreams. Cause then you're gonna start walking and I know it's gonna happen. I know it's probably already happened. You're gonna be walking the streets. Somebody gonna thank you for it. You know what saying? So keep, keep this up, man. And I can't wait to see it grow. And then we definitely gonna have you when you come in Charlotte. You know, we in, we in person based. So whenever you in the city and

AJ Adams (44:54)
Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm gonna be there, I'm

gonna be there. I gotta get down there soon. I got way too many people there that supposed to see, so.

Gavin Boulware (45:18)
Yeah. Yeah.

You got more Charlotte people coming on. You could have just came down here one weekend, knocked all three out and...

AJ Adams (45:25)
I know, right?

That's what I used to do. When I used to do them in person, we would do four or five episodes at one time, come down to Charlotte, knock them all out. It's Everdream material, so it just lasts forever. yeah, then I had a, a, you talking about finding the right people? My dad didn't forget. I got some episodes from Charlotte that would never come out either, because it can't sound right, don't look right, so like, it's...

Gavin Boulware (45:30)
Yay!

Yeah

Next time you come out.

Yeah.

AJ Adams (45:53)
I gotta find the right folks and then I'll do it. I'm gonna get back to doing in person soon. In person changes the game. It's a game changer.

Gavin Boulware (45:53)
Look.

Yeah.

Yeah, I like it because you can kind of, you can gauge people's energy. ⁓ It's always weird when you see how people are online and then they get with you in person. You kind of like, all right. I had one dude, bruh. I had a nigga one time, I was reading off. So I used to have this like weird segment where I would read off your Facebook statuses. Like from back in the day, if you said something, wow, I would just read it off to you and be like, explain it. And it wasn't like a crazy thing. It'd be like.

AJ Adams (46:05)
Yeah.

Nigga, you weird.

I'm my

shit is full of God.

Gavin Boulware (46:30)
Yeah,

well at that point in time people wasn't really canceling people but I wasn't about like shot I wasn't about the shot thing but I was also like if you had like a wild sports take or music take Bro, I had a dude. I was reading off his status his statuses, know This dude was telling me every step. That's not me. I'm like, bro I follow you like but you I'm like, but you know how to go but nah, man I talk your head off for rest of day, but now I appreciate you bro. I really really appreciate this

AJ Adams (46:38)
Okay.

care.

Yeah.

All right, man. Well, look, we'll get it again sometime. You see us in, maybe in Charlotte.

Gavin Boulware (47:02)
There you go.