What It Costs to Be a Coach and Father | Elijah Sessoms

AJ Adams sits down with Elijah Sessoms for a powerful conversation about the real sacrifices of being both a coach and a father.

From balancing marriage and children to chasing career goals without losing family, Elijah shares honest insight on what it takes to lead at home while building a career.

A must-listen for fathers, husbands, and any man trying to balance ambition with presence.

Transcript

AJ Adams (00:10)
Welcome to another episode of Just My Baby Daddy Podcast. It's your favorite baby daddy AJ. And today we have the only coach in the CIAA that I would ever root for that does not coach at Fayetteville State. Because he is a Fayetteville State alum. He is my epsilon beta brother. We have on the show today my guy, my brother, brother Elijah Sessoms. How you doing today, bro?

Elijah Sessoms (00:20)
you

Yeah.

I can't complain, man.

AJ Adams (00:37)
You know, I say that and I didn't even say what school. I didn't say what school you come from. And I don't even know if you're a great wire receivers coach for another school in CIW. I will say it for Elizabeth City State. I only root for y'all when y'all don't play for any real state. yeah. Yeah. But I'm going to start this off right away the same way I start off everybody. What does it mean to you to be a father?

Elijah Sessoms (00:40)
Ha ha ha ha!

Man, first of all, fatherhood is just a blessing. know what I mean? At the end of the day for me, man, it's it's everything. It's a huge part of my identity. You know, my identity, I kind of explain it as broken down into threes nowadays, husband, coach, and father. You know what I mean? And you can't get the other two without the father piece. But.

You know, it's just something that brings me an immense amount of joy.

I just think about my kids every day, You know, it's everything for me these days, man, and just in my life periods, everything.

AJ Adams (01:32)
So it's everything in your life now, but you weren't always a father, right? So prior to you becoming a father, you got to the point where you building up your skills to become a parent. So where did you think you learned your parenthood skills?

Elijah Sessoms (01:37)
Yeah, no.

Yeah.

so, shout out to my oldest sister, Sherelle. She had my nephew, Desmond when I was 15 years old. and him and I grew up together. So, it's crazy. We got like a running joke in, our family. Cause you know, like we was kind of talking, pre-show she's my oldest sister. We're four years apart, you know? So I learned how to fight. I learned,

bullying was from my older sister, you know, I got that a lot, but we went back and forth so much as our childhood growing up and we are very close, man, we love each other to this day, but my nephew was born May 29th, my birthday is May 28th. So that's how like.

crazy we say it like the running joke in our family is, but when he was born, you know, that's where my practicing parenting skills first started. You know, in that black community, man, you are a designated babysitter. You know what I'm saying? If you at the house while your older sister got to run out somewhere, hey, watch your nephew. You know what I'm saying? So it was one of them things where like I took him everywhere with me. He was at my practices. He came to games, probate, you know.

some of everything and then my baby sister, we're two years apart, she had my niece Leilani. So that's where my wanting to have a little girl came from and she had her in 2017. Yeah, so I had a lot of practice before I had my first child at 32.

AJ Adams (03:06)
Okay, but who was there to raise you and you saw your father this Follow from

Elijah Sessoms (03:11)
Oh man, I would just say my mom. Originally I'm from New Jersey. My parents split when I was five, but my father, he's still in my life. He's been in my life for a long time. I like to say he raised me mentally because he couldn't always be there physically. My mom remarried and her and my stepdad has been married over 30 years. So I call him my pops, but...

You know, he showed me what work ethic is, you know, getting up every day, going to work, never missing a day. He's a basketball guy, you know, so he'll go play ball at the gym, pull a hamstring, strain a calf, like that man getting up going to work, you know what I'm saying? But my mom, like, really showed me what it meant and what it means to provide for your family. Like, she worked two jobs when I was in high school and college so I could focus on playing football.

Whenever anything happened in my life, my mom always showed up. So that's where I get it from, no matter what's happening in life, no matter what's transpiring, you show up for your kids. So I would say between my pops and my mom, definitely.

AJ Adams (04:17)
So just to piggyback off of that dynamic, you said your mom, your stepdad, been married for over 30 years, but your dad was not around. So initially, not physically around. I don't want to say in a certain way, right? I know how that can sound. Like physically around. But by him not physically being there, was there any real power dynamic as far as stepdad?

Elijah Sessoms (04:25)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

AJ Adams (04:46)
First you got to introduce that way, was it, you're not my dad, so I really don't have to listen to you, or you are the only man here, so I guess I have to, or how was that initially?

Elijah Sessoms (04:57)
So like, so it's crazy. was just telling my wife this story the other day. Like I would go probably up until I was five to maybe like 15 when football really took off for me. I would go back and forth to New Jersey every summer. Like soon as school was out, when my mom took us clothes shopping, we knew, all right, you about to go with your dad for the whole summer. So when I would come back, like you know how Northern living is, it's much different than the South. It's a certain.

AJ Adams (05:26)
much.

Elijah Sessoms (05:27)
level of aggressiveness, a certain level of speed. And mind you, I'm coming back up north with the southern lingo. I'm holding doors for people. They looking at me like I'm crazy. I'm speaking to people.

I was food early on, you know, and I had to learn like how to defend for myself. My father go to work and you stay here. You look after your sisters because I have other siblings on his side. You know, so like when I would come back down south, like I'm different, you know, and me and my pops, like we never had like any just head butting. I can honestly say like.

AJ Adams (05:43)
Hmm?

Elijah Sessoms (06:04)
I was 15 when I got my first cell phone and I was working, so I paid for it myself. And he tried to take my phone and we had like a standoff in the driveway. But my pops like 6'4", you know.

260 pounds, he big. And back in this time, he was at his prime and my pops lift sheet rock for a living. So naturally big guy. So I could say that's probably the only time we had that standoff, but no, it was never really no, you're not my dad, you ain't going to tell me what to do because I played sports my whole life and I had-

AJ Adams (06:27)
Yeah.

Elijah Sessoms (06:42)
Shout out to my big bro, Russell Dudley, my trainer. He's been in my life and still into my life this day. So I had a lot of male mentors where I respect their male authority. You know what I'm saying? I knew it was real when I seen my father, one time I went to New Jersey and my father and my pops, they got out in the car and they was talking. my father, and this is why I respect him, told my pops, you know.

Uri Lodge's dad, if he get out of line, you discipline him. Don't let him do whatever he want to do. You check him. And at that moment, that's when I kind of was like, all right, I ain't going to get away with it. I ain't going to try this overlap. Yeah, he done gave him the green light. You know what saying? So yeah, man, I never really had that dynamic with my pops at all.

AJ Adams (07:20)
Yeah. Yeah. ⁓

that that is a that's big though because you don't hear or see that like that dynamic with those two men come together and say that that is that is different that is different have you ever spoken to them about either one of them about that

Elijah Sessoms (07:35)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Nah, it was like because I was young enough to understand and like I said, my father wasn't there physically, but he was there for me always from a mental aspect. And I say that from the stance of like...

explaining to me what being a man is, although he couldn't be there physically, he still made sure he called me all the time from an Islamic standpoint, making sure my orientation was intact. He did little things where the older I got, I still respected him. You know what saying? Because the older I got and what I experienced in my life,

I knew he had to make certain decisions and do certain things to provide. Did I always agree with what he did? No, you know what saying? Because him and I did have a conversation, because me and my little sister, Nadia, we're his first two children. So I did have a conversation after I had my first child.

Like, you know, I did feel like you turned your back on us and you gave up on us because at the end of the daylight, we ain't asked to be here. And although you couldn't be there physically, you still had an obligation to your kids. You know what I'm saying? And I do understand like being eight hours away and...

you know, that baby mom and baby dad dynamic, how that can be. But at the same time, like for us to talk so much, when I come up there for us to like pick up, like, you know, nothing has happened or any drop off. You know, I did have that conversation with him where I feel like.

If I wasn't who I was at that time, it probably would have came to blows because I could handle myself, but at the same time, I have a daughter and I understand how important it is for a young black girl to have a father. So a lot of my animosity was built up because my baby sister didn't have the father figure in him and I had to take that responsibility on our entire lives, you know what I'm saying, of...

guiding her and teaching her and it was a tough, I don't want to call it a burden, I can't find the words for it, but it was a tough thing to carry though, I will say that.

AJ Adams (09:56)
So how did that affect you two down there? And your sister? Because that can be tough. Like, yo, you know how I just said about the stepdad, like, you're not my dad. You're my brother. Relax. You're my brother. You're not my dad. How did that go? And how's the now?

Elijah Sessoms (10:08)
Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. ⁓ never really,

I never really like controlled, try to control her in that aspect. You know, I just always try to give her a different perspective and a different vantage point to see things from. You know, I did have to be bodyguard a lot. Like I got put in a lot of situations that I didn't willingly put myself into. You know what saying?

But at the same time, being a middle child early on, her and my sister kind of ganged up on me a little bit. But the more we went to New Jersey with just us, she realized like...

like, this all I got. You know what I'm saying? So the older we got, like the stronger our relationship got. And my mom will always say like, you know, my mom told my wife, like, if Nadia like you, you good. Cause my little sister ain't play that. So she was more so like.

AJ Adams (11:02)
Detective of

you.

Elijah Sessoms (11:03)
The

big, yeah, you know what saying? Like she took a role that like maybe I should have been playing, but it was like, nah, this my brother. Don't talk to my brother. Don't treat my brother any kind of way. you know, she was the one that, that like my bodyguard in a sense, you know what saying? But, but our relationship, man, it was, was good. It still is good. It wasn't like a tug of war for power or respect and nothing like that. You know what I'm saying? I think she understood that.

decisions I was making for her and information I was trying to provide from her was coming from a good place.

AJ Adams (11:36)
Now you speak up, you spoke on it a couple of times, you speak up quite. And you are a provider for your family now. You're a provider in a role that puts you in a position where you're not always there. Because of your position and what you do. You're a football coach. And as a football coach, there's a lot of times, we're doing this interview now, on a Sunday night, you're in the office. So.

Elijah Sessoms (11:50)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

AJ Adams (12:01)
How have you been able to provide and how has that dynamic been moving your family around, shifting around coaching while also providing for the family?

Elijah Sessoms (12:10)
Yeah, man, it's been tough. We've been together this year, it'll be seven years, and this year will also be our second year being married. When I met my wife, I was coaching, you know, so.

I firmly believe this is the woman I was supposed to marry. My wife played college basketball at Towson in Maryland, Eastern Shore, so she understands. You know what I'm saying?

AJ Adams (12:33)
Yeah.

Elijah Sessoms (12:34)
It has, it's tested us man in ways that like I would have never thought, you know, cause it's always been my dream to coach college ball. Like, like me and my wife always joke all the time, but like she, she reminds me like, remember all those nights she was staying up, you know, studying your craft, you know.

during COVID watching different Zoom interviews. Man, I got like a drive with probably like almost two to 300 just Zoom calls on different things in football. But she's just been there, man, this whole entire way. And like I was saying before this year has been the toughest because since we've been together, this is the first time we've ever been apart. And I mean like...

We always joke, but like the first time I met her, there wasn't a day that went by that we wasn't together. You know what I'm saying? So it's been very difficult, but I just try my best man to get home as much as I can. whenever we have a break, now we're in a space where like we alternate weekends. So last week and I went home this weekend, she brought the kids up here.

You know, we just do what works for us. And that's the key in marriage for me. Like whenever I give marriage advice to anybody, it's just do what works for you, Like it ain't no manual that you could pull off the shelf. You know what I'm saying? Like you really gotta do what works for you. And...

Like, you know, Kevin Durant had that speech where he was like, you know, she's the MVP. I always tell her like, whenever I become a head coach and I get my coach of the year award on that podium, I'm going to call her up to accept the reward because I wouldn't be able to do nothing I do without her. And I think a lot of people, like my coaching peers and stuff, like they don't understand that. Like a lot of people think I told my wife I was taking this job. My wife told me to take the job.

You know what I'm saying? Like she gave me the okay and the green light to take this job, you know, and I wouldn't have took it if she wouldn't have been okay with it. You know what saying? Because it was both a sacrifice that we didn't know would be bigger than our marriage. You know what I'm saying? But it's tested us in a good way. But early on, like for this to be year two and we're experiencing this, like...

Ain't nothing that can break us, man.

AJ Adams (14:56)
So what makes the decision? Because it's tough, right? I coached for that for long. what I realized here, this ain't my thing, right? When do you make the decision that, OK, my family comes with me or my family needs me?

Elijah Sessoms (15:03)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, in this case, man, we decided for the family to stay because my daughter was starting kindergarten. And I didn't want her first year of school to be in unfamiliar territory. Both our families is in Durham. Cousins, aunties, uncles, all are in Durham. You know, so.

AJ Adams (15:33)
What is it?

Elijah Sessoms (15:34)
Yeah, like, and I didn't want to move my wife away from the safety nest selfishly, you know? And it was a tough decision, man. Like, when I tell you, bro, when we played, for example, we played Favourite State last year in the Downey's Classic, I came back to Elizabeth City, got in my car and drove home. But as soon as I walked through the door, hugged my kids, when I dropped my bag and I hugged my wife, bro, I just broke, like.

AJ Adams (15:58)
you

Elijah Sessoms (15:59)
because it was like, it was just a feeling I ain't never felt. Like even when I married her, I cried, you know, ⁓ they always say I'm the most dramatic, you know what saying? But bro, just broke me down because I really didn't realize, like.

AJ Adams (16:06)
Yeah, yeah.

Elijah Sessoms (16:14)
When you coaching it, as you know, you on autopilot. The days just keep going. You know what I'm saying? You get to the office, you meet, you watch the film, meet with your guys, you practice, come back after practice, break down the film, get ready for the next day. It just keeps going. And that was a moment in reality, bro, where I just paused and I realized how much I'm missing out, but how much I've-

craved, you know what I'm saying, like just her physical touch and she was just like, let it out, you know, and I let it out. And when I get home, like I try to go see all my family, my in-laws and stuff like that. But that was just a decision like we both had to sit down and make because both our parents wanted her to move here. You know what I mean? But like she has a life too. She's working too, you know, and she's doing her own thing as well.

but it was just like a decision we both made and I know I'm saying a lot, you know, like, once again, this is a decision we both made. Like it wasn't me telling her, you're gonna stay here and I'm gonna go. It's like, once I take the job, we came up here on the visit. Ironically, they was playing Winston that day. So I seen Mike Mo at the game, know, him and Reese are my mentors. Huh?

AJ Adams (17:26)
⁓ Yes,

Mike form a guess my yeah

Elijah Sessoms (17:30)
Yeah, yeah, both.

Yeah, Mike and Reese are my mentors just on the basketball side. You know, they got a lot of time under their belt as coaches and, you know, I lean on those guys a lot, you know. So one of the gems Mike just gave me is had a tough conversations. You know what I'm saying? And that's what we did. We had a tough conversations. We cried and shed them tears and we came to the conclusion that this would be what's best for right now.

AJ Adams (17:54)
So I think people don't get, especially when you're not there often, just that little reunion, that little bit of time, like what that could do to somebody, just a little hug, a little reset and just do everything. But those times pass so fast, especially when they're little, as little moments that just happened that you're like, my, I remember, like, I lived in Charlotte. I only lived in Charlotte for 18.

Elijah Sessoms (18:07)
Yeah.

AJ Adams (18:21)
But I went to Charlotte one of the times when I finally moved back my son was staying with me And like he was sleeping in my in my room. He wanted to go use the bathroom left the door open And I seen this dude go pee He was sitting down on the toilet I'm like, what are you doing? Are you too big for this now? Hey, what do you mean? And that and it's like yo like just little inches like that like oh man, I've been gone You don't know how to piss in the toilet

Elijah Sessoms (18:36)
it

AJ Adams (18:49)
Like a man because I'm not there. But those little moments, those things happen so fast. And when you walk out, when you're not in that house anymore and missing those moments, just seeing that little stuff can break you down. Like just walking through that door, your kids just noticing that, my God, you were four foot one and now you're four foot three. Little two inches make all the difference in the world. Like, now you're hugging my hip instead of my thigh.

Elijah Sessoms (18:50)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

you

AJ Adams (19:16)
Like people don't get that, like they don't understand that we see that we miss that. Like those are the little sacrifices of time. Those are the things you can never get back that you're sacrificing because of work. And those moments are a lot of moments that dads sit through, dads deal with, take them, we smile, we enjoy them, we keep it moving. Like you said, you break down there.

Elijah Sessoms (19:41)
Yeah.

AJ Adams (19:43)
Good thing is you have a wife that's supportive and there for you. A lot of other times what happens is, me for example, when that happens, I come, I would come back to the house or come back to the area, I think they're crying in the car. But it happens to us often. I'm glad you're able to actually express that because I know that has to be rough when you're used to being there every single day. In the moment, like they, you don't take it for granted no more.

Elijah Sessoms (19:59)
Yeah.

Yeah,

Yeah, bro, like from Elizabeth City to Durham is every bit of three hours. You know what I'm saying? So like, I would tell my wife, like, because she'll hug me and you know, she might cry, but I don't really cry when I'm when I'm hugging her in that moment sometimes. But like when I get in that car and I'm driving back, that's the worst part, because like.

Like I remember I sprained my ankle and I was in a walking boot, but it was my daughter's first day of school. Like I told you, my mom, like you don't miss, you show up. Like bro, I did a turn and burn, like woke up, hit the road, was there to walk her into school, right back to Elizabeth city. But I just, I break down like often when I'm driving, man, because it's just me and my thoughts and like.

My thoughts can be so loud when you just in that car. You know what I'm saying? Because like, it's like, man, my son is getting bigger. My daughter is getting smarter. She's so witty. Like I was telling you, she's, interests are peaking. Like she's doing a bunch of different things and.

Like she knows when daddy's not there, my daughter can tell you where I live at, what my office look like, what I do when I get here because she just so smart and she cares. Like my daddy is a coach. Like, you know, that's what she knows. But at the same time, like I sit her down.

because it's another thing, man. My mom used to tell my dad, my father, don't be trying to raise a little Malcolm X, but my father always talked to me like I was an adult since I was three. So that's something I do to my kids, whether they understand or not. I just had them conversations with her and I really sent her down to let her know.

AJ Adams (21:41)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Elijah Sessoms (21:50)
chasing your dreams that come with sacrifice. Because a lot of times in life, man, people want the dreams, but they don't want the sacrifice. A lot of people think, a lot of people see me living out my dreams and they be like, man, I'm so happy for you, but they really don't know what come with this. You know what I'm saying? My wife brought the kids up here Friday. They left early this morning.

You know what I'm saying? And like my son and my daughter was yelling the whole time, like out of excitement. But I swear to, I don't wanna swear to but like once they gone, the silence was louder than them screaming. You know what I'm saying? And I'm like, like.

AJ Adams (22:26)
is so loud. Man, that is a real

current theme. That silence is so loud.

Elijah Sessoms (22:35)
But people just be like, you ain't there. Or when I get home, my wife better go about your business. Go do whatever you want to do. We good. She'll text me, y'all good. Stop texting me. Yes, we're fine. Go enjoy your life because she's a cold hustler, man.

Like I'm serious, man. Some days I just be like, I don't get it. I don't see how you do it. You know what I mean? But like she is the backbone, you know, and I really appreciate and value her so much, man, because like I said it before, I really wouldn't be able to do what I do at a high level without her. You know what I'm saying? Because even moments where like this becomes overwhelming because it does, you know, but like.

It's a Nip quote where he say like, you know, it's supposed to feel like that's supposed to stress you. It's supposed to be a burden. It's supposed to be overwhelming because you reaching and working towards something you used to dream about. And I always say with her being like a former athlete.

You know, it's like, she'll wipe my shoulders off, smack me on the butt and send me back in the game. Like, let's go champ. You know what I'm saying? Like, all right, you done got it out. You done cried. All right, what we gonna do? You know what I'm saying? So it's crazy, man.

AJ Adams (23:57)
So to that, right? When you say that, because this is something that I know I didn't do a good job of, I was never married. probably leads to why. When you get to those moments when you're going back home, and I know you're so excited to be with babies, how do you make that balance of my excitement to be with the babies, but I know I also got to be there and spend that time with my wife?

Elijah Sessoms (24:08)
you

AJ Adams (24:24)
I have such a limited time.

Elijah Sessoms (24:26)
Man, that's a crazy question. And if I ain't know any better, I would say you're intercepting our text messages today. Man, that's the nothing. well, we're working on it, man. Like, we are working on it. And my wife sent me a message this morning. So last time I was home, like,

We call it tough Tuesdays where we have tough conversations, but whenever we got to talk about something serious, we save it for a face to face. But she sent it to me in a text message today because the kids was there and we didn't have a moment with just ourselves. like, it's tough, man. because, you know, I'm fathering off of the father I didn't have growing up.

AJ Adams (24:51)
Yeah.

Elijah Sessoms (25:05)
You know, so like I said earlier, you know, my pops was there, but I wasn't his child. You know, so like, now that I'm a parent, I fully understand how tough it was for my pops man trying to like gauge how he should raise me, you know, whether he should get on me, what should he do? You know, he would tell me he loved me, but like it wasn't.

Like it ain't hit the same like it do now. Like I know without a shadow of a doubt, like that's my pops. Like he loved me and I knew then too, but like it just hit different now. know, yeah. Yeah. Like, like man. Yeah. You know what saying? So like, man, with my kids, like, you know, I love on them so much, but when it's my wife time, like sometimes, man, I just.

AJ Adams (25:34)
Yeah, got our own. Oh, you see all the sacrifices, the amount of work that it takes and doing it for someone that you didn't even birth yourself.

Elijah Sessoms (25:53)
be staying in office and I don't do it intentionally, you know what saying? when she tell me she got to talk to me, I know, and it's not like I did something bad, but I know she finna let me know, hey, mommy needs your love too. You know what I'm saying? I'm not ...

I'm not comparing or wanting you to love me more than you love the kids, but I see how you love on them. Mommy miss daddy too. I could be transparent and be honest. I've been struggling with that lately because I've been missing trying to make up for so much time, man. Being away from my kids that I neglect my wife sometimes. That's why I said with marriages, y'all got to do a

works for y'all because me and my wife could have them tough conversations and like every time she come see me man I have flowers waiting on her you know I send her loving messages I love her publicly you know I'm saying just like try to always let her know that I do love I do care about her and

I ask her sometimes because like being away, you know, I still got to get to know my wife again. You know what saying? So like, what do you need from me? What does loving Jordan at this stage in our marriage look like versus what it was then? Because I had to tell my wife like, don't ever think like I just know. I ain't never been one of them men.

AJ Adams (27:22)
It's

just no, yeah.

Elijah Sessoms (27:22)
I commend the

men that just know what they want and won't. Nah, you got to tell me. Because if I just go off what I think and then I swing and miss, it's like the pain of rejection just be like, swung and a miss. You know what saying? So when she tell me, I got notes in my phone, because once again, my brain don't never stop and it's always processing information.

Like, I could show you notes when you'd be like, damn, like, man, it's just, but that's just, that's what helps me. Or like, we have a Google calendar where we put stuff on the calendar. So like, I get these reminders and I get these alerts. Like, you know, I have on my calendar and even written on my desk, like, when they come visit, go buy flowers.

You know what I'm saying? So I don't forget to have that when she walks in the door. I have them for my daughter too. So I'll give them, I'll let my son give them to my wife and I'll give the flowers to my daughter. You know what I'm saying? So it's like, man, it's tough, bro. Like I ain't gonna lie. I ain't gonna sit up here and try to act like I got it all figured out and I'm this perfect knight in shining armor. Hell nah. You know what saying?

AJ Adams (28:33)
But you got

part of it though, the fact that you acknowledge it and the fact that you don't have it. You know that's something that you need to work on. I if you got your college or just every second or third time they come, make sure you write something on there that's just for you or something like that. know what mean? I, what the fuck am I talking about? Like, I didn't, like I, but I do know that is something that I struggled with, right? Because I love being with my kids.

Elijah Sessoms (28:38)
Yeah.

Yeah.

AJ Adams (29:02)
And being as though I'm not with them 24 hours a it's like when I'm with them, it is just them. That is all I'm about, that's all my attention is. my biggest thing is always like, yo, we're adults. We figure it out. These kids need us. But we really need each other as well. And that part is where I struggle.

Elijah Sessoms (29:25)
Yeah.

AJ Adams (29:29)
Well, I know I struggle, you know, because I can put all my attention into the kids and I think like you should too. I don't need your attention. When I got the kids, I'm okay. But that's not true. I know I would want their attention. I know I would want them. But I'm satisfied because I have the kids and that's selfish of me because I'm already happy. I'm already satisfied, but I'm not satisfying this person because while they're happy with the kids, they want me as well.

Elijah Sessoms (29:42)
Yeah.

AJ Adams (29:55)
I'm doing it. I understand that's ⁓

Elijah Sessoms (29:56)
Yeah. Yeah. So what I say

to that too, like, you know, when I was talking about that three hour trip back home, like that's when I get a lot of what am I going to do with the kids? What am I going to do with the wife? What am I going to do with myself? Me going to visit my in-laws, visit my mom's like I'm mapping all of this out. So when I get home, I can hit the ground running, you know, and

We still little windows of time. So like when the kids go to sleep, I already know that's mommy and daddy time. Soon as we get in the bed, I know we gonna cuddle, fall asleep. Like we'll take my son or my daughter to our parents and then we'll go out and do something. know, so we...

Marriage and this has taught me being very intentional because me and my wives are, me and my wife, excuse me, are different ends of the loving spectrum. So like, I'm like, you just said, I don't need the physical touch every day. She's the complete opposite. Like, you know, I just need to be told I'm doing a good job. Words of affirmation. You know what I'm saying? And then I'm cool. Like, but my wife needs...

needs the words of affirmation. She needs the physical touch, like, which is fine. You know, my wife loves flowers and stuff like that, which is cool. I ain't never tripping on that. But what I have to understand is I have to love her the way she needs to be loved and fill up her cup.

early on it was, I think you need to be loved like this, so I'ma love you like this. And, you know, my wife put her foot down and that's what she means. So my wife would sit me down like, that ain't working. You know what saying? And because she knows I'm a person that's like striving to get better and want to be better, she can tell me that, you know I'm saying? Like, nah, that ain't it. Or, nah, that didn't work. Try again. Like, it'd be a little ...

It'll be a little hard still because like outside of my mom, her opinion, the only opinion that really matters to me. You know what I'm saying? like, just those moments, man, where like...

You gotta be real intentional, you know what I'm saying? Like, gotta put the work in, it ain't no shortcuts. And I tell all the time, the same way I'm trying to be the best coach I can be, I'm working just as hard to be the best father I can be, working just as hard to be the best husband I can be. It's work, like it's never end in work, you know what I'm saying?

AJ Adams (32:22)
I'm gonna get you out of here with two more questions One of them is really telling me for you because I believe you're really good advice for this if let's say there's a especially someone that's just And they're just starting the family What advice here to that Like they haven't really gotten to it yet, but they're really thinking about like this is something I think I may want to

But I also have a young friend. What advice do you give?

Elijah Sessoms (32:49)
Man.

The best advice I can give is make the decisions together. Don't chase the job. Make the job make sense. You know what saying? Like if...

If you start in a family, you can't be no GA, bro. I don't care what level. If somebody throw you a job and it's a GA job and you can't provide for your family, don't take it. You know what saying? If it's just a high school job and you can be home every day and it makes you and your wife happy, take that job. You know what I'm saying? Because at the end of the day, you're not going to be the best coach you can be.

if your wife and your family is not at peace. Another part to that is when your wife tell you it's enough, it's enough. If my wife was to call me and be like, all right, I need you to come home, I'll go four doors down and have a conversation with my head coach. Because my head coach knows how much my family means to me. So that's another piece to it.

Don't put the job before your family, because when this job gone, your family's still gonna be there. And for me, I never wanted to be one of them coaches that have chased the job so much that I lose and miss out on my family. I'm one of them coaches that believe I could have my cake and eat it too with this. So I can have my job and still have my family too, so I would say that.

AJ Adams (34:05)
I mean that's really good advice. That's dope. And lastly, get you out of here with this. You know how seriously you take this. This would be a good question for you. What do you want your legacy to

Elijah Sessoms (34:19)
man. Man, my legacy as a father is my children know that every decision I made, every moment I wasn't there was to give them a life that they couldn't even fathom is out there for them. You know, I'm big on my faith. I lean on it. I pray all the time, man.

My kids, one day when I'm dead and gone, my kids gonna look and they gonna see their father's name on a stadium somewhere, a building on a university campus named after him, and they're gonna know every sacrifice that he made was so that that Sessom's last name could last much longer than our lives will ever last. Because...

That's what I'm doing it for. All of the sacrifices, all of the times away, all of the nights where I'm sitting at the table breaking down film and they can't sleep and they come out and see me there, they know that this is what it takes to be successful. You know, like even now, my daughter know when I kiss her.

In the morning, my daddy going to the gym. When she wake up and I ain't there, my daddy about to come back from the gym. My daughter knows what I'm doing. So my daughter is going to know what sacrifice looks like. She's going to know what hard work looks like. She's going to know what being dedicated and having passion looks like. You know what saying? That's my legacy, man. And not to just leave them with something physical.

but also leave them with a certain level of understanding. You know I'm saying? That even when I'm gone, can still, before they make a decision, what will my dad say? Or they can hear my voice on certain things. That's what my legacy looks like,

AJ Adams (35:59)
That's dope. You know what? That building, that gym, favorite. I was in favorite. All right, man, I appreciate it,

Elijah Sessoms (36:05)
Yeah.

Already man. I you, bro