When Your Partner Isn't Spiritual

Have you ever found your heart intertwined with someone who journeys on a different spiritual path? My own experiences and those shared by clients have taught me that love is not a matter of matching frequencies, but of embracing the harmony in our differences. In our latest episode, we unfold the nuances of maintaining a loving relationship amidst diverse spiritual growth. We discuss how to create a 'sacred container' for your partnership, turning everyday life into a shared spiritual practice, and delve into the importance of confronting personal archetypes to foster self-awareness. Listen in for a compassionate exploration of love's resilience, and discover practical steps to honor and celebrate your unique bond with your partner, even when your spiritual paths seem to wander in separate directions.

Taking a deep dive into the complexities of love and spirituality, this episode is a heartfelt guide for anyone navigating the ebb and flow of spiritual growth within a partnership. Whether you're the one experiencing a spiritual awakening or trying to understand your partner's journey, our conversation is a testament to the strength of love across the boundaries of belief and practice. With insights drawn from both spiritual counseling and mental health expertise, you'll learn how to enrich your relationship by recognizing and celebrating your differences. So join us, and let's journey through the art of staying connected in love, regardless of where our individual paths may lead.

Next Sunday's Topic:  Developing Self Awareness

Transcript

Speaker 1: 1:33

Hi, thanks for joining me today. The topic is when your partner isn't spiritual. First, I'd like to say hello to my listeners in Melbourne, australia. It's very interesting. I was looking at stats today and the two cities in the entire world where I have the most listeners are in Australia. This cannot all be due to my good friend Greg, who's in Australia. He cannot be telling that many people. So I appreciate your support of the show very much. It's exciting to know that you're here. Maybe someday I'll get to do a trip to Australia and can meet all of you.

Speaker 1: 2:09

Let's jump into this topic. This is I've got a lot to say about this. It's something that I've gone through in my life and definitely something that I hear from with clients on a regular basis. I would even venture to say that not a week has gone by in my career that I haven't had at least one person telling me that that's probably the biggest issue in their life right now is dealing with that fact. They just don't know how to handle it. So most of the time, it is women who come to see me and say that they've been on a spiritual journey for a time and they feel like their partner is not spiritual enough, not conscious enough for them. And this happens to men too. I certainly had men come to me with the same issue with their partner. So if you're the person in the relationship who's been working on yourself spiritually and your partner has not, then this episode is for you. Maybe it's going to be your daughter, your brother, who's in a situation like this. This information in this episode is going to be helpful for you. Towards the end of today's show, I will be giving some specific ways you can handle this inequity without breaking up, because I know you're worried that you might have to end the relationship because your partner isn't rising up to consciousness with you and they're not awake enough for you. So that's kind of the thrust of this one. There will be a caveat done there when it's not a good idea to work on it, but for the most part, this episode is focusing on how to save that relationship, how to keep going and make it better. So I have some news for you that will help you understand what's going on for you in that situation and it just might save your relationship.

Speaker 1: 3:55

If you're in a relationship with a really good person who's just not conscious and doesn't talk the spiritual lingo that you talk. They're not interested in the spiritual things you're interested in and you're worried about the emotional connection not being there for you and not being able to rise up together and conscious togetherness. I can help you. I told you I've been through this myself and I'm not going to bore you with more stories of my failed relationships because each one of them, I'll just say they've been very much a learning experience and I came out wiser. It made me look at myself, look at my actions, reactions. That's part of the deep self exploration you must do to really make serious personal or spiritual growth. So more than once, yeah, more than once, I've been in that kind of relationship. You know I'm an angel communicator, I'm a spiritual counselor, I'm a mentor for people with their spiritual gifts and I'm an author. But I didn't just pop into this role. It wasn't like I was going about my life and boom, now I'm a spiritual leader. No, it came about after 36 years of attending spirituality events, reading spiritual books, meeting with mentors one-on-one to develop my gifts, doing readings as a side job and incognito, I might add.

Speaker 1: 5:18

For many years I've been helping clients work through their own spiritual blocks and clarify their goals and understand their partner. I know the different hurdles that we encounter and the difficulties there is moving over or through them. However you choose to accomplish it, but don't pressure your partner to adopt the same spiritual beliefs or practices you have. They must ultimately decide for themselves. So be cautious of trying to deprive them of that empowered choice, no matter how zealous you feel. Enter their free will, and that's really the core of what we're going to be talking about here. First, I want to say this is assuming you have the right partner. If you don't have the right partner meaning you're being abused in any way, disrespected you probably won't be able to make changes unless your partner has a miraculous change of heart. Perhaps God or angels will tell them to clean up his act or her act, and they'll do it. Only you can make the determination of whether your partner is someone you can stay with as you continue your spiritual journey.

Speaker 1: 6:30

Let's talk about waking up. I know what the problem is and I see it in my clients and friends. When they start to wake up spiritually, they begin to feel this kind of separation because their frequency is rising along with their consciousness and they feel like they're leaving their partner behind, and you kind of are. I'm going to show you something. Let's say you start here, you meet each other and you're in the same frequency or very close. Now maybe it's easier if I turn this way you start, step on the spiritual path and you're moving upward. Your frequency is rising. They're not changing. You are, and so that's where we must have some compassion. They're not us. We're going to have our own journey. They have their own journey.

Speaker 1: 7:14

So what you're experiencing is the discomfort of different frequencies. It's also a big part of it. So only you can again make the determination of whether your partner is someone that's going to be healthy for you to be with, whether they're more positive, more negative for you. That's your business. But at this stage, when you start having this discomfort, believe me, your partner feels it too. They just won't understand what's going on. You will after this episode, if you didn't before. So it's really on you to help them. So here's some of the things that can manifest when you're in this stage.

Speaker 1: 7:55

You might feel resentful of your partner. You worry about the future of your relationship. You get anxious about whether this relationship is right or not. You start looking at websites and social media on the subject of twin flames and soul connections and you compare what you find to your own relationship. You worry about whether this person is someone you're supposed to grow toward ascension with. All of this can be quite traumatic. It's very stressful and upsetting to wonder are we even supposed to be together? You might freak out a little bit or a lot, but then it's possible you will start to look at other couples in your life or online who do have a conscious relationship, meaning that they both have similar frequencies. They're both working on their spirituality and their personal growth, because that goes hand in hand.

Speaker 1: 8:48

You hear these people talk about their feelings frequently. They can be very open and honest about their thoughts and feelings with one another, and you're sort of in awe of that, like, wow, that never happens in my life. So of course, you find yourself thinking that's the kind of relationship I want. Right, your thoughts run along the lines of maybe I need to be with a more conscious person. It's very enticing to think about it.

Speaker 1: 9:14

Understand that this dynamic can happen in any relationship, where one person's on a spiritual path and the other one is not, or perhaps the other one put their toe on the spiritual path and didn't go any further. This can even happen with relationships, with friendships and family. So what's happening here? What is going on? You start waking up spiritually and you get this sense of spirituality. You learn a lot of new terms that you never heard before. These words become part of your vocabulary and your thought process and it feels like your soul cries out oh my God, this is so amazing. Finally, I feel seen, heard and validated. It's incredible. You feel so awake and enlivened by all of it, so seen and understood by your spiritual community, and you thrive in this new level of consciousness. It's amazing.

Speaker 1: 10:11

But what can occur here is that your ego may take hold of that concept and play some superior, inferior games in your head. If you are the person who is on an ascending pathway and you feel like spirituality is more important than mundane everyday life, oh, you start thinking that your partner isn't conscious enough for you because they don't use that same spirituality lingo. They don't understand it. It's like you began speaking in a foreign language and they haven't learned it yet. That's spiritualized ego, that I'm superior because I'm this far on a spiritual path or because I'm on a spiritual path. In your mind. You are so very spiritual, but in reality you are a spiritual toddler. You are thinking that you are superior because you're so awake and so very conscious. In doing this, you are unconsciously judging your partner as inferior simply because they're not as awake as you are. So that's how we say you're a toddler, because when you get closer to the higher levels of frequency, you just have more unconditional love for people.

Speaker 1: 11:27

The truth is that you are diminishing the importance of real life tasks, of being human, things like paying bills, yard work, doing dishes, taking out the trash and your favoring spiritual retreats working with crystals, learning healing techniques, doing meditation, etc. Yeah, your spiritual activities are important too. However, when you overemphasize the importance of spirituality and diminish the importance of everyday life tasks, that shows up as tension in your relationship. It can be unbearable. It's the tension between the material world and the spiritual world, and then it creates a separation between those worlds. As your ego tells you, my partner is not spiritual enough for me. I need to be with a spiritual partner because this one is too mundane for me. Can you hear the ego in that kind of thinking? No one is better than anyone else because they are on the spiritual path or where they're on the spiritual path. It's not about that? If you think it is, you need to go back and do some more self-reflection.

Speaker 1: 12:37

There's a different approach you can consider here. Remind yourself that everything is a mirror. What you see outside of yourself is mirroring something happening within you. So what you see as a problem in another person is something you have within you as well. Maybe you feel like your partner isn't seeing you and isn't understanding your needs. Perhaps you believe they're not respecting you or your beliefs because they make fun of them. It might be they don't want you to go to spirituality meetings or retreats and you resent that.

Speaker 1: 13:12

Ask yourself if you are truly seeing your partner. Are you seeing their great qualities and taking time to understand what they need? Look deep on this one. This is going to be uncomfortable. How are you not respecting your partner's model of the world or what they need? How are you not respecting that? I don't expect you to instantly come up with an answer, but this is something to reflect upon when you have time by yourself.

Speaker 1: 13:44

See how you're co-creating the current situation. Your partner is not seeing you, you're not seeing them. You're not meeting in the middle. Instead, you're butting heads and you're both feeling resentful. That gets you nowhere.

Speaker 1: 13:59

When that happens, it's likely you'll create a type of idealized fantasy about some other kind of relationship. I used to do that. I can remember doing that, one in which you idealize everything being perfect, not having the same issues and struggles you have in your current relationship. No, this fantasy relationship is going to be perfect. That thinking can pull you further away from your partner. You might think something like maybe I need to be with this other person who seems so conscious. They do yoga, they read spiritual books and they eat a vegan diet. I can talk with this spiritual partner about all sorts of spiritual topics. That can happen, yes, but if you leave a good person to go chasing a fantasy of a conscious relationship, you still have a separation of spirit and matter, because the truth is here we go everything is spirit.

Speaker 1: 14:57

As you mature spiritually, you learn this. Literally, everything is spirit. Now, I've been on a serious spiritual journey for 45 years and I can attest to this. You are spirit. Your partner is spirit. This podcast is spirit. Vacuuming the floor is spirit. Paying your rent is spirit. Your vehicle is spirit. The clothes you're wearing are spirit. When you start to see that everything is spirit, then every task you do can be a sacred act.

Speaker 1: 15:27

At this mature point on your spiritual path, you see, you don't have to leave your current life to go somewhere and be spiritual. You bring spirituality into your everyday life. In that way, your everyday life becomes part of your spiritual practice. Doing laundry is one of my spiritual practices. Cleaning is a spiritual practice. Cooking is another spiritual practice. Those are just some examples of many, many potential out there. This is about your frequency and your intention as you do it.

Speaker 1: 16:01

I am a mother, a grandmother, a sister, an aunt, a daughter. I'm also a spiritual teacher, a singer, a friend and someone who's passionate about the environment. By not being in a relationship for 10 years now, I have had many realizations and I needed that quiet reflection time to get myself grounded, to heal, to figure out who I am now, what I truly believe in, to create the life I want. I've seen different choices that I had in the past and I understood my part in failed relationships. The biggest revelation I had was seeing that my spiritualized ego was diminishing and judging my second partner and that was unfair. And then I wondered was it mostly about our communications? I was speaking spiritualized terms of consciousness and my partner spoke the 3D language of everyday life. We were just speaking different languages when I saw that I could look back on my partner and see how his spirituality came out in everyday life. He liked cleaning the house and I loved that he did that. He enjoyed taking me out on dates and giving me nice gifts. He did what he could to make my life easier.

Speaker 1: 17:20

I saw that this partner's spirituality was shown in his loving attention and care for myself and my daughter. It was then that I could stop the crazy idea that he wasn't spiritual. I could honor him for his truth. I had asked him to honor my truth and as he wasn't willing or able to do that, but at least I could look back and see that he was growing spiritually. At that time just not in the way I was I didn't recognize it. That's been at least 20 years ago. I'm a different person now. I have more maturity in every way.

Speaker 1: 17:54

Now, if you could do this with your partner, then you can feel justified in asking them to honor your spiritual path. You honor theirs. You can ask them to honor yours. Let them know you don't expect them to do what you do or think what you think, or do what you do. It's going to ease things between you and provide some space for understanding and respect. Once you have that ironed out, you won't feel like you need to suppress your spirituality because your partner will know who you are. They will know that you respect their individual journey and your partner will respect you. You can have different perspectives and speak different spiritual languages and still love one another. You can love your differences as much as your similarities. You do have a shared vision of raising children, caring for pets, maintaining your home, and that is your sacred container in the relationship. You always have your shared visions. If they're saying again, you can love someone even if they have differing beliefs than you. When you understand that everything is spirit, you can drop that spiritualized ego and accept your partner for who they are and where they are on their own journey. Perhaps your partner spends a lot of time outdoors and that is their spiritual practice. Listening to audiobooks might be their growth. They don't necessarily have to go to retreats and read your favorite books to advance spiritually. You both bring unique qualities into the relationship.

Speaker 1: 19:31

Here is a thought to ponder. If you were exactly the same, one of you would be redundant. I think that's one of my new favorite quotes. I don't know who said it, but kudos to you. I've always valued the differences in people. I actually like quirky people. I'm pretty quirky myself and I like people to be different. It makes for a much more interesting world, and the same is true in your relationship. It wouldn't be as great as you might think if you're exactly the same. I want to talk about respect and honor a little bit more. When you respect and honor and cherish your differences instead of seeing it as a reason to separate, then you can start to nurture and invest in the sacred container of your relationship and you start to see the connection and create the connection between spirit and matter internally in your heart, in your mind, which then shows up in your external relationship with your partner. You might decide to bring your inner matter and spirit together and this can help you be a bit better at mundane tasks you've dreaded before.

Speaker 1: 20:41

While you're doing some repetitive tasks, you can think about more existential or abstract concepts. I'm going to tell you a little example of this. I've gone through three periods in my life where I was furious that I had to do these boring things every morning and every night, like brushing my teeth and washing my face and blah, blah, blah and I just was mad and resentful about it and it sounds so goofy to even tell you. And now it really is like a sacred act and I do it intentionally and I tend to think about things maybe I didn't have time to think about during the day that are much more meaningful. That it's nicely, almost like a little meditation time. I don't get mad about it anymore. Here's some action steps. I promised you that I was going to give you action steps and here they are.

Speaker 1: 21:28

If this is resonated with you, consider the archetypes of the victim the child, the prostitute and the saboteur. This is important information when you seek to understand yourself and your partner more. Here's a quick rundown of each of those archetypes. The child is the part of you that feels like things are not fair and life needs to be idealized and perfect. It also has wonder and innocence. The victim feels powerless to do things and needs to grow in their strength and autonomy. The prostitute will sacrifice their soul's truth for material security. They're not about sex for money. It's about trading their soul in essence. So where are you compromising yourself on security? The saboteur shows up in the spiritualized ego. It's the part of a person that shows you all of the ways things could go wrong, which slows down your growth. The saboteur slows your growth to a pace that feels comfortable to you, but you can become stuck in that place of comfort. When you look at these, it's likely you'll see at least one of these archetypes in yourself, and this gives you direction as to what you could work on to help yourself grow.

Speaker 1: 22:51

Remember that you need to worry about your own side of the street. You are business. Other people's spirituality is none of your business. You can only control yourself. Your partner is on their own spiritual path. You cannot make them step on the path or go faster on it. Perhaps they're not meant to go further in this lifetime. All you can do is your own spiritual work. Be the light and your partner is likely to come to their own understanding in their own way and in their own time. Remember divine timing. Everything happens when it is meant to happen. You might be skeptical about this. Perhaps your partner is religious and wants heated debates with you. You feel they aren't trying to understand and accept you. They only want to win a point. I hope you can hear the voice deep in your soul that tells you to just try these things and see what happens.

Speaker 1: 23:49

Here's some more action steps. Again, stop worrying about your partner and start working on yourself. Read daily, read more spirituality books. Implement the knowledge you've gained into your life. If you never implement it, you're not gaining any spirituality. Avoid preaching your beliefs or sharing anything your partner has an expressed interest or curiosity about. Set a boundary that if a discussion gets heated, it ends. Perhaps you just need a boundary that the two of you don't discuss religion and spirituality at this point. If your partner is upset or arguing, agree to disagree and table that conversation until both of you are more calm than you walk away.

Speaker 1: 24:34

Recognize that I'm right and you're wrong. Thinking is nothing but ego. When you realize you're in that frame of mind, recognize it for what it is and just let it go. Be the light, as Gandhi said. Be the change you want to see in the world. Just keep doing your spiritual work day after day. Your partner just might think, hey, I want to feel like that too.

Speaker 1: 24:58

Do these things and over time you will see a change in your partner. Your frequency lifts them up. They are watching you feel more joy and blossom and that peaks their interest and they start exploring in their own fashion. Angels just came in to emphasize this, what I'm talking about right now. My ear is ringing like mad. You might find your partner listening to a healing frequency audio, asking about a book you're reading or wanting to go to a retreat with you. The arguments will lessen, the tension will ease and you will grow closer. Your love will deepen and you'll find that you're more comfortable with one another, perhaps more in love than ever.

Speaker 1: 25:40

It's possible that your relationship progresses so much that you reach a level of love neither of you has ever experienced before. All of this can happen by you focusing on working on yourself and not your partner. And if they don't change for the better, so what Doesn't matter, because all that matters at the end of the day is you are being a channel for your own inner transformation, and that makes all the difference. They would do what they're going to do anyway. So you try your best. You try these things. If that doesn't do it, you just keep working on yourself. I want you to know that love languages are important, so get to know your partner's love language. That just means how they show love to you and other people. Some people do it with money. Some people do it with things, some people do it with actions, some people do it with food. Give yourself the time and respect to nurture your differences so you can come back together and be comfortable in your uniqueness as a team.

Speaker 1: 26:44

If you are past the limerence stage in your relationship, which is the early when you're so in love part, you've probably fallen into some patterns. Maybe you have children and you're exhausted. This can severely affect your love life and that's what I want to talk about. Next, I'm going to connect sex and spirituality. Sex is spiritual practice. When you're in that stage where you feel resentful, frustrated and stressed, you pull away from your partner emotionally. You don't want to have sex. You might not even like them at that time. Maybe you're exhausted and too tired. If you are resentful about your partner not doing enough around the house or with the kids, you won't feel like having sex either. So here's a 10 day challenge. When a couple stops having sex, the relationship falters. This is because sex and intimacy are part of the core of your union. Not having sex at all is a reflection of the resentments between you. Something you can try is this 10 day spiritual sex challenge. That means having sex with your partner 10 days in a row, no matter how tired you are, how you feel or how early you need to get up the next day. Doing this challenge can actually reset your relationship.

Speaker 1: 28:07

You approach intimacy as an active devotion for your relationship instead of something you have to do. It brings spirituality into the encounter. Even if your partner is not spiritual, the intimacy will be amazing. Chances are there will be at least one day that you really don't feel like it. Just commit to it anyway. It's the indecision that leads to awkwardness around having sex. When you're in a long term relationship. The fact is it's up to the woman to commit to intimacy. Men will feel intimacy after they act. Women need intimacy before sex.

Speaker 1: 28:44

As you start to honor your partner, they will start to honor you. So something to focus on Really just focus on honoring and cherishing your partner for what they bring to the relationship, the way they see the world, how they look at things. As you start to do this for your partner, they will start to honor you. If you do this for a month and see no change, perhaps it is too late or this person may not be in your best and highest good, but it's worth trying if you want to improve your relationship. As you begin to connect and honor the things in your everyday life and you bring spirit into that everyday life, so will your partner. Even if they don't know what's happening, they will feel it and respond. Your partner begins to rise up as you allow yourself to ground into everyday life. This might save your relationship.

Speaker 1: 29:40

And just in a closing here, the goal of all of this information is to help you meet your partner heart to heart. If you feel like you need more support with this process, set up a session with me for spiritual counseling. As I said, I've been through this myself. I have a background in the field of mental health. It's a good combination for navigating relationship issues. I'd love to help you continue to move forward in your relationship. I hope this episode has helped Remember, honor yourself, honor your partner. And the most important takeaway today is this you don't need to be the same to be in love. Thank you for joining me today. Tune in next week when the topic is developing self-awareness and in the meantime, may your angels surround you. May your angels protect you every moment, every day of your life. I'll see you next week.