The Sober Experience
Recovery and mental health, spirituality and life. We will be sitting down with people in and out of recovery who have helpful tips and shared experiences to provide better love and understanding on this earth. There will be a wide veriaty of topics discussed and after each interview there will be another reflection episode where I can analyze what we spoke of and what sticks to mind.
The Sober Experience
Finding Angels in the Darkness
Just as we were catching our breath, a routine cardiologist appointment turned into a nightmare when the doctor discovered my wife had 80% blockage in her main artery and 70% in others. Her heart actually stopped during the procedure. The call I received was clear: she couldn't leave the hospital. She needed bypass surgery, but her lupus complicated everything.
The hospital battlefield presented its own challenges – conflicting information, ego-driven practitioners, and the struggle to advocate effectively without alienating those in charge of your loved one's care. I found myself facing off with a young doctor whose inexperience manifested as rigidity, contrasted with her supervisor whose humility and expertise immediately earned our trust. It's a strange place to be – fighting for proper medical care while trying not to be labeled "difficult."
These experiences have deepened my conviction that we're not meant to suffer alone. Whether it's a stranger in a subway or a loved one in a hospital, we're called to show up for each other. Share your story. Listen to others. Be the angel someone needs today.
Through these crises, I've been wrestling with the difference between having faith and truly trusting God.
yo, yo, welcome back. Sober experience. You know the deal. Yep, yep, that shit is hard right there. I want to thank you all for subscribing, sharing being with us on this ride, all the warm wishes for my wife. That did not go unnoticed. We still in the fight, trying to hold our heads high. We love you all. Happy birthday, aunt Carol. Sorry I couldn't make it today. I love you so much. Yeah, welcome back. Sober Experience Again. Share, subscribe on all podcast platforms. You guys know who I am. You guys know the deal. Thank you for tuning in. It's your brother.
Speaker 1:We've had a freaking, eventful, freaking march. You know jesus talking about going in like a lion, right in like a lion. It's been crazy, bro, crazy, as you guys know. Uh, we'll put the step work down, just for you know. Maybe another week or so to work so I can keep everybody, so I can be honest and be like dog. This is what's going on on Earth. You know what I mean? In my, in my, in my stratosphere, yeah, so last we spoke, what was going on? What was going on? I just, you know, I was in.
Speaker 1:I spent 10 hours in the jail, which was wiggity-whack, it sucked, but it just. It wasn't the worst, but it just sucked. Whatever I don't even like to make a part of me almost wants to make a deal out of it. It wasn't, it was. Listen, I don't want to go back. That's as big of a deal as I'm making and that's that. And people asking me you know what it was like. You know because you know who, as an adult, likes to lose their freedom for fucking 10 hours. It was funny. You know what was the other thing I forgot to share about, and then I'll get into this week's activity. It was funny. You know what was the other thing I forgot to share about, and then I'll get into this week's activity.
Speaker 1:You know, when I was in the hospital with my wife because she had that lupus flare-up, that basically was like a stroke, yeah and yeah. So we have a little bit more confirmation of that. So, yeah, you know it was a lot. It was a lot and one of the magical things that happened because I was just going through it and just trying to be there for her as best as I know how, without being crazy about it.
Speaker 1:So I go into the waiting room. I forgot about this part and it was important, so I wanted to say it. So here we are. Anyway, I go into this waiting room. There's an old man there and there's this, like you know, lady, yeah, just a regular all-American white lady, you know, looking however she looks in your mind, that's how she looks Middle-aged, I mean, I'm 40. I'm soon to be 46, this coming week. Happy birthday to me. But yeah, maybe she was around my age or a little bit, a couple years older.
Speaker 1:I'm at that age where, like you go into the hospital and these motherfuckers are all younger than you and uh, I'll get into that in a minute because I had to. You know, I had to get a little stupid with uh, one of these, uh people. Hang on one second, I'm sorry, I gotta get, uh, my drink. Stand by, I Stand by, listen to this while I step away and just like that, I'm back with the poison. Not a sponsor Monster, zero Sugar Energy. This is like the original Monster, like the black can that. I love the flavor, but it always had 7 000 grams of sugar. This has no sugar, same flavor.
Speaker 1:So let me take a slurpee so I can go on my rant, all right? So here's what happens. Right, I'm there with this lady and I see and she's crying and really, what do you do? I have like a moment where I'm like, should I mind my fucking business? Uh, no. So I ask her. I said, are you okay? You know, are you okay? And she says to me she's like I just lost my husband. I was like, oh man, I told her I was sorry and then I walked across the room to sit across from her. You know, just to be like. You know, I look at these situations. You know these life situations. I don't want nobody to be sad on their own. I don't want anybody to like you know, like if, if somebody got hit by a car, like there's always somebody there to be with them, hopefully, yeah, you don't want somebody to die on their own or to be sad on their own or to be sick on their own. It's fucking whack Anyway. So I just go in and sit across from her. We start having a conversation. She's asking me First. I don't even let her ask me about. I don't even remember how the whole thing went.
Speaker 1:To be honest, it was a super spiritual experience. She started talking to me about that. Her husband is with you know, jc, capital, jesus Christ, he's with the Lord now. She's like. You know, he lived a good life, but the Lord called him and this and that, and I'm like, whew, okay, that means I could talk about God, and that's something that I love to talk about, because God is everything to me. And I said I understand completely, you know. I said you know, this is just how, uh, yeah, I'm here with you. I said, and that's what I said. I said I'm with you, I'm here with you, I'm here with you. And she was grateful and she was crying like tearing up a crime. But like, so she starts telling me her story and her story was she was from, like, the Boston area and her husband was a retired firefighter apparently RIP to him, whatever his name was.
Speaker 1:I like to be anonymous in the street in these situations, similar to the track worker that helped save my fucking wife's uh, I shouldn't say my fucking wife, the, the track worker that saved my wife's life, life, you know, shout out to him. So I'm just there and I'm listening. She's like, yeah, my husband was a firefighter, he was a Marine, tough guy, big guy, tough guy. I'm like, yeah, I get it, you know. And she's like, you know, he went and he got, you know, after he retired from the fire department. You know, he went and he got like this weight loss surgery. She didn't say which one it was, but it was whatever one it was, you know, and I'm just like listening, I'm like, yeah, yeah, you know whatever.
Speaker 1:And then she starts telling me about all the complications that he started having that like he started losing weight, you know Rapidly, and they think it's the thing. But something's wrong, there's a side effect, there's a complication with the surgery. Right, and yeah, that something happened when his, his body was no longer accepting the nutrients from the food he was eating. This is what she said. And she said he lost like 100 pounds in like three months. And I'm like doing the math, because she told me he was like 145 pounds when he died. Yeah, whatever, 145, whatever it was, but he lost over 100 pounds when he passed away. So I'm doing like wow, he was like 245. Let's be generous and say 260.
Speaker 1:Right, and goes and gets this surgery. I don't know how big he was, I don't know whatever, but I'm like 260 is not that bad to be getting a surgery, but I'm like whatever. You know, I'm not judging, but I'm just listening. And she's like, yeah, and she says you know, this actually happens more than people think where they have complications with this surgery that they can't go fix. And he basically, you know I don't know what the right term is, but he wasn't getting nutrients from the food. He lost over 100 pounds, you know. He was down to 145 skin and bones. He ended up getting pneumonia because he couldn't fight off any diseases. None of that. His body was rejecting everything and they came to New York City because this is where the good doctors are and they couldn't save him, you know, and he just died, you know.
Speaker 1:And um, yeah, like he just died a couple minutes before I got there and we started talking about God and I was like God sent an angel that's what I choose to believe in the form of a human meaning. An angel, that's what I choose to believe In the form of a human Meaning, an angel in spirit. You know, somebody who believes in good, somebody who believes in love and who believes in what's right, and that's the guy that saved my wife, not some freaking creep. You know, I was so scared of that and she was in that subway by herself Allegedly not by herself, but in her mind, by herself and she was defenseless and she was losing consciousness and this track worker anonymously came with his orange vest or yellow vest and he stayed and he didn't take advantage of her, he didn't try to grope her, he didn't try to of her. He didn't try to grope her, he didn't try to attack her, he didn't try to touch her, he didn't try to go in her wallet, he didn't just walk by, he sat her down on the stairs and then just kept calling 911 until the ambulance came. Man, I think about that. That could have went in so many other ways. Yeah, it's scary man, and because it's all on the menu, the good and the bad.
Speaker 1:So when I explained to her about this guy who saved my wife, she's like that's the kind of man like my husband was. You know, he was a Marine, he served this country and he was a firefighter and all this stuff and he just retired. He wasn't when, I mean like he must have. I don't even think the guy was 50. I didn't ask how old he was. Maybe he was 50. You know, maybe.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we started to talk about just God and I'm like yo, you know, like that track worker, that guy I said your husband was that guy to 200,000 people in his lifetime, that he lived a um, a life of service, obviously first to this country and then when he became a life of service, obviously first to this country and then when he became a firefighter. You know, this guy was touching people's lives and it made me feel good and it made me feel good that I could share that perspective with her. Yeah, they're like dude, this guy. He was everything. He was exactly who God wants us to be. I don't know why God took him or whatever. I don't even get into that. And she was talking about, you know, the same kind of cliche stuff which is fine, which is, you know, god takes his best, or whatever. I don't know why. I know that he must have been suffering. I don't know why. I know that he must have been suffering and if there was no way humanly possible to help him, I know God doesn't want any of us to suffer to that degree.
Speaker 1:And she was like welling up, like a little heavyset, chunky lady. She looked like she could have been either like somebody who worked in a in, like um, when you go into the your kids school, you go into the main office like an unassuming, white, middle-aged, jobby lady with glasses, there with her dad. Her dad was older and he was like saying yep, jesus, da-da-da, like you know the other stuff, and just like consoling her. And she was crying and she was looking at me and I was looking at her and she's like you know, I'm so happy your wife is okay that she made it, that nothing bad happened and I was like yeah, and I just said thank you, and then I asked if I could give her a hug and she got right up and she came and I hugged her and I held this lady and it felt good and I walked off. I didn't have to tell her name, I didn't have to ask her name, I didn't have to ask her name. I didn't need to tell her my name. I'm another one of God's children. That's who I want to be, that's who I've grown to be and that's what I think my purpose is. You know, and that was like a very that was like an impactful moment. I even shared it with my wife, not that whole story, but just like yo, I just met this lady who just lost her husband because, like you're thinking, all these things anyway fast forward, obviously.
Speaker 1:Then last weekend happens, whatever, you know, I'm like you know we're like reeling. You know we're not listen, it's not standing eight count yet, but we're like we're on the defense right now. You know we're ordering, we're following up with doctors. We're like we're on the defense right now. You know we're ordering, we're following up with doctors, we're doing all this shit. You know I'm saying my wife is home, she's recovering, she's walking with the walker and then she's walking without the walker and she's starting to feel a little good. She's having a couple of moments, you know, frustrated moments with herself, but it's evolving at the right. I don don't know, I don't know what pace it's supposed to evolve at, but it's going, we're going in the right direction.
Speaker 1:And then we go Monday. She's like I gotta go to the fucking cardiologist, I don't want to go. Blah, blah, blah. I was like no, no. I said look, I made myself available, let's just go. I was like no, no, I said look, I made myself available, let's just go. I give her a little nudge, nudge. She's like okay. And then, um, we go and he's going to do like the, whatever he's going to do. They put the camera through your one of your veins to check all your shit.
Speaker 1:Now my, again, my wife has lupus. She's had a little bit of high cholesterol apparently for a while. The lupus flare-up increases, that kind of stuff, whatever. And I uh, it's gonna be like three hours and she wanted to leave before that because we were in the hospital and there's a lot of people in the waiting room. She's like this is like crazy. It's like over, almost like maybe I'm overreacting. I I was like no, no, no, let's just stay, we're already here.
Speaker 1:You know, it's funny because when you're in a waiting room in a hospital and I don't mind whatever, but it's like you know you could have like a sitcom in there. You know, a sitcom in the cardiac, the cardiac unit waiting room. You know you got people. They're having heart problems, which means they're probably having health problems, which means they're having life problems, and you're hearing about all this other stuff going on peripherally.
Speaker 1:Now I'm like trying to mind my business, but like my left ear understands spanish, you know, my right ear is listening to motherfucking rogan, right and my thing. I talk to my wife. I'm like you hear these people talking blah, blah, blah. You know, yeah, she's like, yeah, she's like I try not to pay attention but, like you know, we're like listening, you know, because I look like a pasty white human and my wife looks like what an Egyptian or Latin goddess. My wife is not Egyptian, but what a goddess would look like if she hadn't been in the sun for about six months. So you can look and be like there's no way that girl's fucking white. You know she's the butter peaking, reeking From the south, boogie, but you know, yeah, anyway. So we're listening, doing our little Bochinche stuff.
Speaker 1:Then finally they call her. They're like oh, this is gonna be a couple hours. I'm like, alright, I go to the car, I'm in the car, I'm in the car like maybe one hour and I'm just like relaxing. I was going to take a little nap and I'm finishing the rest of my Rogan episode and, bro, I get a call from the hospital and I'm thinking it's her and it's this Indian doctor and he's like just just talking, like mumbling, like not mumbling. He's talking in like medical terms, but it just sounds like mumbling to me because I don't understand what he's saying. I said he's like. He's like oh, your wife has this, this, this, this, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, and we have to. You know, we have to do this other test and we have to do this.
Speaker 1:And then said my friend, what the fuck is my wife? Why are you calling me? Like, where's my wife? She's like she's just coming out of the surgery, out of the place. I had to stop the NGO gram because she had 80% blockage on her main artery. She cannot leave the hospital. She's at risk of having a heart attack.
Speaker 1:I was like what? I was like, all right, I'm going to. I said, listen, I'm gonna be there. And I said I'm says, uh, he doesn't know that I'm close. I was like, dog, I'm not sending my wife to one of these appointments on her own. Here's what I'm thinking about. I was like listen, I'll be there in like five minutes.
Speaker 1:I said I'm parked right up the street. I go of these other places. I find my wife, the guy's there. He's like, look, you know, and he was beautiful guy, you know he's. He's like kind of cracking jokes, which was pissing me off because I was a little bit in distress.
Speaker 1:It's like what do you mean? My wife is going to have a heart attack. He's like no, no. And he says here's the deal. You know she has 80% blockage in, you know, in the vein that goes from the main, the artery that goes from the main aorta back to the heart. Apparently, there's like four of those veins, but the main one that goes back to the heart is at 80% and the other two or three or whatever, is at 70%. He's like, listen, she can't leave, we have to. We have three options surgery, surgery or surgery. That's it, you know. And because of her lupus, we can't give, we can't put a stent in there or nothing. We have to do a bypass or whatever.
Speaker 1:Right, and I'm like, oh, this guy, this guy is serious right now, you know, and my wife is like she's just coming out of the whatever and she's a little bit, you know, loopy. But apparently while he was putting the camera up there, he discovered the blockages because her heart stopped, the blood stopped flowing in her heart and I was like holy shit, you know, anyway. So yeah, that's where we are, you know they admit her and then they start running all these tests and all this stuff and you know she's staying in the ICU and you know, I think the only it's like I wasn't prepared, obviously nobody's prepared, but I was grateful. I was like boom, she's in the hospital if she was in the street. He's like listen, if we don't know when a heart attack could have came. It could have came in three weeks, it could have came in three months. But if it happens, on this one one where it's very bad. Whatever he's like, listen, fatality, like he's just being. Whatever he's like, listen, fatality. Like he was just being straight up. He's like no way she wouldn't have made it If she was in the house. She was anywhere. It's, it's over. You know, I was just like, oh my God, it's like how many like, how many like angels, how many chances are we going to get, you know? So, yeah, she's staying there. And uh, you know it's frustrating. They're doing all these tests, they're doing more diagnostic tests. I have to be honest, I only got into one and and now we're like we're still barely like myself, my kids, my sister in law, my mom, like we're like barely recovering from the first thing. And then we have this other thing.
Speaker 1:So In the midst of all that, that same night, in the midst of all that, that same night, she fires off like some. I guess she had a breaking point, right, and I left the hospital, because now I can't even stay there all the time. I have to leave at 9. I left the hospital, come back to the shop so that way I can prep stuff to be done for the next day, so I don't have to be at work, because this is one of the reasons why I build the life that I have. So that way, if I have to take off time or if I have to do something, the money doesn't stop. It's nice, but you know, we earned it, we put in the work, we have the people, we do the thing and that's it. I'm grateful for that.
Speaker 1:So I get here and, like, she had a moment of frustration and she fired off a crazy fucking text to me. You know, because while I was there with her, I was, I guess I was saying some shit that was foul, you know, which is true. I mean, it's not true. I don't know, I'm not a doctor. She's like you, keep making comments. Basically, she was saying and this is true that I was making comments about what she eats, how she eats, the way she eats and this and that, and some of that is.
Speaker 1:I don't know how valid it is in this particular scenario, but I know that it doesn't, um, it doesn't help, you know. But who the fuck am I? You know, and she's like dude, none of basically saying like you need to shut the fuck up, none of that shit is helpful. You throwing things at me about my fucking chuletas and my rice and all whatever, like that's not, you know, I'm saying. Basically she's saying like yo, you're kicking me while I'm down, you fucking weenie, and I wasn't having a good day, so I, in the moment, got king baby defensive and I fired some shit back at her, like you know, with all the self-righteousness and stupidity and ego, and just like humanity, right, we've had a again. She had basically a stroke in the train and then, you know, I had to go, you know whatever, sit down for a day and like all these emotionally charged things. So, like it came out on this day and yeah, yeah, it was whack.
Speaker 1:Arguing is not helpful either way. Like, what did I have to do in that time in order to keep? To keep on? You know, because now I'm at now I'm still doing my life stuff. I'm trying to be there for her while she, while I have an angry wife and I don't know about you guys, but when my wife gets mad at me, it's not all the time. Once every months, six, eight months will go by, but we don't even have no argument, but like if she gets mad about something, she'll hold on for like two days, bro, like two, three days.
Speaker 1:That's why I don't it's not that I don't stand up for myself. It's like I weigh out the option, like I don't want to spend fucking three days not talking to my wife in a very you know what I'm saying. Yeah, I don't want to. I just I don't. My life is way more important than any than three days out in the cold. There has to be very, some very bad hills that I would have to die on. You know what I'm saying In order to risk that, because I don't want to be like that, anyway. So I'm like two, three days out in the cold while she's going through this, and yeah, it sucks, man.
Speaker 1:But what did I? And I had to do the work, I had to call my sponsor and I go through all this shit with Yariv, right, and what do I come out with? Like, yeah, of course, what I said was number one, I was wrong. Number two, it wasn't helpful, you know, and that's it. I was wrong and it wasn't helpful. And you know what? Guess what? I need to love my, I need to. He was just reminding me I need to just show up and be loving. That's it remind me. I need to just show up and be loving. That's it Guess what. Let's just say in theory, and this is not the case.
Speaker 1:But if my wife wanted to eat, you know ring dings for the rest of her life, brother, that's her fucking prerogative. I can't be the ring ding fucking sheriff. You know what I'm saying? Do I'm going to spend my life doing that? I'm going to be hurt watching it, maybe a little bit, whatever. But my perspective is how am I going to spend my emotional and mental time? I'm definitely not going to do any convincing by being a pain in the ass, fucking scorekeeping, like oh, how many bowls of rice did you have today? Like who the hell wants to live with somebody doing that to them? You know, definitely not me. And I don't want to be that guy. And I become that guy.
Speaker 1:When I get scared, I'm acting out of fear, you know, and I get scared, to be honest, and it's not scared that something bad is going to happen. I'm scared because I know something bad can happen. That's worry the other thing. But I get scared because I know, brother, I could lose my wife and she's everything to me on this earth. I don't know what goes on beyond this earth, but on this earth she is everything to me and there is not one person that knows me that does not know that and that's the truth. So when I have her in the hospital, I don't have her there.
Speaker 1:But you know, similar to the other situation, I like to be around if I can, but I also know I need to also take care of myself, otherwise it's like a delicate, it's like a dance, it's like a waltz. It's a delicate balance because if I just do only hospital, hospital and do nothing else, guess what, brother, I am showing up there and they might not let me come back. But there's also situations where you need to really advocate for yourself. That's the only word that I know how to use Because, like you know, yeah, maybe I'm prejudiced, because some of the doctors and the nurses and whatever, they're young when I'm again 45, they're in their thirties, some of them in their late twenties, and they talk to you like you have not lived. And just because they went to medical school and they work in a hospital doesn't mean that my ideas are fucking bad. It doesn't mean that.
Speaker 1:And there was one instance where I really had to, because my wife is also number one. She's a very and and I know people like angelic. My wife is not delicate, but she's angelic, she's a lady, so she's soft-spoken, she doesn't really yell, she'll go zero. When she goes to 100, let me tell you, she'll pull all those cords out of her body and walk out the hospital, or she will pull the pepper spray out and spray a motherfucker or cut somebody. So she has that, or she has quiet. She doesn't have really too much in between. She has like a little bit like it revs up a little bit. She has like first gear. She has first gear and overdrive. So she's idling and she's chilling and she's just being her normal, lovely, beautiful self. There's not one when I mean I don't know who would tell me the truth, but there's not one person I know that has met her that didn't like her because she's, she's warm and she's soft.
Speaker 1:So but I am a rough, you know, spoiled little boy. So you know, and I'm an alcoholic. Alcoholic which means I like to stomp my feet and I like to matter and I like to be right. So it's a hard balance. And there's one lady man. She was giving me a run for my money and I just didn't understand. I was like even my wife was like bro, what's up with this fucking lady? I'll break it down for you a little bit, and then, yeah, and then maybe you'll understand what I mean.
Speaker 1:So you know, they're like saying, okay, the walls on my wife's uh, I guess the arteries or the vessels, whatever, the veins, the vessels whatever, whatever's clogged up, I don't know the right term, don't fuck with me. The walls are inflamed because of her lupus. So they could not do the bypass surgery because the walls are inflamed. And if the walls are inflamed there and they get a nerve or get a vein from her leg or one from her arm and attach it to something that's inflamed, the likelihood of it holding is not the same as if it's not inflamed, right? So, um, what do they want to do? They want to send their home for three months to get inflammation under control before they will do a surgery, which is kind of good news, except you're sending somebody home with an 80 percent fucking blockage, you know, which, I've come to find out, is not maybe the absolute worst thing, but it'll be tense, anyway.
Speaker 1:So this young doctor is in there and, like the problem was in the hospital, was that like one of the head nurses or whatever would come and tell us okay, this is what we're going to do, this is the plan. And then, literally five minutes later, somebody else would come and be like the plan changed, we're going to do this. And then, five minutes later, somebody else came and said no, this is the new plan. So we didn't know if she could eat, if she could not eat and when I mean five minutes, I mean sometimes it was less than five minutes, but five minutes would be the most. So we heard three different things in five minutes and this lady just happened to be the last one and I said listen, let me explain to you what the problem is.
Speaker 1:The problem is is that we are getting conflicting information from people within a 15-minute span and we're not even having enough time to process what the first or second person says, and then now there's somebody else saying something else. So the way that you guys are I'm going to put an air quote doing business is freaking horrible. It's like, yeah, it's a team of people and we're all working together. I said no, no, no, I get that you're all working together. But you need to work together outside of the room and one person needs to come in and deliver information, otherwise we don't make any decisions. Because we don't make decisions like that? Because you guys are making it uncomfortable for us to make these kind of decisions.
Speaker 1:So this lady is saying, like listen, we have to give you these steroids in order to slow down the inflammation, to slow down the inflammation. But the surgeon, he wants to do these other tests. Right, but this other test to check the blood flow Through those veins or whatever arteries, to check the blood flow, you know, to measure it. So that way we have a measuring stick and then we can check again in three months to see if it got better. But the truth is is that that test is not available until Monday, until Monday. So we want to, instead of doing that, give you a stress test, which is getting on the treadmill, doing whatever. So that way we can give you the, we'll get a different kind of reading, but we'll be able to give you a steroid and and then we can start that stuff.
Speaker 1:And I said okay. I said but um, why? I said, is it possible? I said number. And that's when I was like listen, it sounds crazy. I said but um, because if you do the steroids and then the main test that the surgeon wants to do I forgot the name of it, I think it's called PET or PAT or something like that P-A-T, whatever the steroids won't give you a good readout on the blood flow because she'll be on fucking steroids. So, and that's the you know, that was the first you know measuring stick they wanted to use. So then I told him I said why don't you?
Speaker 1:She said yeah, yeah, but then the you know, the you know, but we want to give her the steroids today. I said why don't we? I said can you ask them if they can delay giving the steroids until Monday, just so we can have this test first and then you can give her the steroids until Monday, just so we can have this test first and then you can give her the steroids. That's a logical, uh question, right? She was fucking like refusing to to even ask that. Ask the rheumatology department, ask the other department if that's possible.
Speaker 1:She stood there for like 10 minutes just talking over me like no, no, this other test is good, and she's like thinking that if she talks faster, that I'm just going to comply. And she's like talking to. I said look. I said I'm not saying that we won't do the stress test, but what I'm saying is that if this other test is a better test, and then, as I'm in the middle of that, she's like no, no, but it's still the same test.
Speaker 1:And I was like yo. I was like what's wrong with you? I literally asked. I said I'm sorry, what's wrong with you? What is stopping you from going and just asking this question? I said do you?
Speaker 1:And this is what I said to her. I said do you just want compliance? Is that what you want? That nobody can question you? I said just go and ask. She's like nothing's stopping me. I said but you're still fucking standing next to me. You're still standing next to me, talking over me, trying to beat me into submission. Go and fucking ask. Leave me and my wife alone so we can discuss this thing.
Speaker 1:And she was like having a mental malfunction in front of me, like nobody's allowed to ask her something. Nobody, you know what I'm saying. Nobody's's allowed. She's like because she went to school and she's a doctor, whatever her ego problem was. It was fucking insane, insane. And I was happy because it was in front of my wife, because my wife knows that, like you know, I can be a little bit abrasive, but she was like dude, this lady's fucking crazy, like she just won't accept no for an answer, like, and we're not even saying no, we're just saying is it possible that we can get the better test on Monday? She's like well, then you'll be sitting here and doing nothing for two days. But I'm not asking about so what? Who cares? If we're in a safe space, we're in the cardiac ICU. If we sat here for two days to wait, so that way we can get the proper exam that can help the surgeon, because that's the one that he wants, what do you mean? We'll wait, so what? You know, we're talking about somebody's life here and she wouldn't fucking go do it, and it's fine. I said just. I said, dude, just go and ask.
Speaker 1:And it took like four whole minutes of arguing back and forth with the lady because especially she got offended even more just because I was questioning her. And I wasn't questioning her, I was just asking if we can maybe find some kind of middle ground, because she just has one thing. She's like well, you know what? The stress test can only be done by four o'clock. Well, I'm like, okay, well, it's three o'clock, so what you know, and they need an answer now because they have to do the scheduling thing and this and that, blah, blah, blah. I was like, okay, I said, but we want to have the best care, I don't care about this, we're allowed to ask, that's the whole thing.
Speaker 1:Nobody's allowed to question some of the people who work in these places. It's like a public school teacher. They're in the same fucking boat. Nobody's allowed to ask them anything. Same thing with police. You can't ask them anything. All these people, they walk the earth and they have this power trip and because they have this, she could just be right and that's okay, I'm okay with being wrong, but I had, I had a suggestion that was outside of what she was saying.
Speaker 1:She could have just lied and been like we asked them and they said, no, I don't feel like okay, but then she would have been on the fucking hook, you know. And then, right, so she, finally, I get her to fucking just leave us alone, right, and to have an argument with a doctor in front of your wife who's in cardiac problem. It's not easy, but, bro, I'll, if you know, I was willing to be wrong, I didn't mind, but the fact that she wouldn't even consider the fact that she was wrong, I should get her name and report her wherever. She is going to be a horrible fucking doctor and she is going to kill motherfuckers with her fucking ego and it'll never be her fault. And I know medicine is not. That's not the way it works. It's just. It's not an exact thing. We're doing the everyone's doing the best they can, but part of that means fucking humility.
Speaker 1:And this is like a young person. She looked like maybe she's like 28, 29 years old, and I looked at my wife after she left. I was like, oh my god, I dude, I feel bad for her fucking her boyfriend or whoever she's with. And my wife's like she can't have anybody with that attitude. I said that's the problem. She needs to be dicked down, you know.
Speaker 1:So then she comes prancing back in with she's like oh, the main cardiologist, the main guy is here, the surgeon, the main, you know. And he comes in right, I'm not going to say age appropriate, I don't know how old he was, maybe he was 40, maybe early forties, whatever but experience appropriate. He's like how are you guys doing. I'm going to speak very candidly with you guys and we're just going to start at the beginning and he breaks down everything nice and slow, just like the Indian doctor did. When he found that thing, dude, this guy stopped everybody and he just went to the printer and he pulled out a piece of paper and he's like Jared Emily, this is a serious situation, but I'm going to draw you a diagram so that way you know exactly what's going on. And all the other nurses, they loved that guy. It was funny.
Speaker 1:This one Puerto Rican lady was like the Indian doctor. He's good and he was good. And he was good in the way that he communicated with us and made us feel comfortable and also he was on the same plane as me, which is that we're all going to do our best. Anything could happen. We've been doing this a long time, but you know, anything can happen. It means all the good can happen and it means something wrong can happen, you know. Anyway, this guy comes with the same energy, almost like he was stoned, and he shows us the actual picture of my wife's heart where you can see those, those things that are inflamed and whatever he's like.
Speaker 1:We want to lower this inflammation and this and that and whatever, before we can do the surgery, because we want. If we're going to do this thing, we want it to be done right, want it to be done once you know. So we're going to try exam, but I cannot give the exam till Monday, so we're going to, he says. And he says very simply. He says look, I'm an expert in this field, in heart surgery. He says there's a lot of people involved in this because of your lupus, so the rheumatology department is involved.
Speaker 1:I spoke with seven other people before I walked into this room and I saw this one thing on the on the uh image, which is why I asked these other questions and they believe we're on the right path. This is why you're not getting the surgery right now. And I was like all right, cool. And I was like all right, cool. And he's like but I have to tell you that we're going to ask. He says I really want this one exam. That can't happen until Monday, so I'm going to ask the rheumatology department if we can just not put you on the steroids until then, until after we do this exam, exam, because that's the best option, right, and I was like. I looked at my wife and my heart was fucking singing. I was like, you see, that is an idea. And I didn't have to say anything. But we just looked and we were like, absolutely, we agree, because that was the fucking thing I wanted to fucking do.
Speaker 1:That this bitch was saying no, you better commit right now to taking this shit and going to do we're going to take you down for the stress test right now. Like she was just like so in, so controlling and bossy, and this motherfucker was her boss, and she melted away into a corner in the room and then she interrupted is funny, because this lady has very poor self-control. So, uh, she's the one coordinating with the people, the rheumatology department and the stress test people. And then, like she tells him, well, she, she like tries to butt in because she needs to matter. And she says, well, the stress that people saying it has to happen by four.
Speaker 1:And he, very cavalier, looked at her, says, listen, anything is possible, don't you worry. Like he's trying to tell her shut the fuck up. Like, relax. Like you, you're very green and I am fucking brown, so just relax. So he's going over the stuff with us and we're confident. And he's going over the stuff with us and we're confident. And he's also very humble because he says look, this is my specialty. I do this thing, I do it every day. And here we are, you're in the right place and you have the right guy. But I am not going to speculate on what the other departments I don't. I stick to what I know. If they say that you, if the rheumatology department comes and says, no, you need these steroids right now because the inflammation is is is way out of control and it's too high and we need to, then we need to take it. So it's on them, it's not on me, but I'm going to ask them, you know, if we can have this time.
Speaker 1:And then the stupid girl butts in again with some other comment. She's like oh, I'm in a group chat. I mean, I guess they're all in kind of like a group chat together. All the doctors are talking about this case and she sees it and she's like see, the rheumatology department is coming and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And he looked at her and he said to her that's not a question for a fellow to be asking Basically. And I was like oh, that's like. She's not like somebody in charge, I guess somebody.
Speaker 1:We found out what an actual fellow is. It's like somebody who finished their residency. Yes, they are a doctor, but they're spending extra time studying you know an area of expertise that they want to do. So she's fucking green, which is why she's behaving the way. She is super inexperienced. And he like sunned her in front of us like that's not a question for somebody in your position to be asking these other people, so just please. And then he kind of like very, you know, I'm sure he gave her some kind of tongue lashing later.
Speaker 1:Hopefully, if not just his attitude, hopefully her attitude changes, you know, and I was happy that I was there, because I don't know if my wife would have been as rough as I was to shut that lady up. You know, I don't know, she might have just said OK, and I was happy that we were right because we're willing to be wrong. And that's what this whole life is about Are we willing to be wrong? And when somebody's not willing to be wrong, brother, I am uncomfortable, I don't want them around me. And luckily the rheumatology department came. There was four people. They were a little bit young too. I don't want them around me and luckily the rheumatology department came. There was four people. They were a little bit young too, but they all had great experience A lot of listening, one person talking, and they said, no, we can wait until Monday to give these steroids, so that way you can do this thing and we're going to start on this level and this.
Speaker 1:And then they asked us a little bit about you know, they had experience. You can't put 10 pounds of shit into a 5-pound bag and that's the whole thing you know. But I know what it's like, man, you know. I told my wife. I said it's like having a carpet cleaner. Like you know, when someone I'm training somebody and they see something that they're like, oh I know what that is, I can get that out. And they have no idea. And I'm like my friend, you need to just relax. Let me show you something you know, and so I know what it's like. Again, this girl I'm sure she knows a lot more than me about a lot of things, but I know what. I know what ego looks like and it wasn't a 911 situation and I know what an experience looks like and I know, you know what all of that looks looks like because I remember myself being like that, and I'm sure everybody is like that at some point in their life. So moral of the story is like know uh who you are, uh know who you're dealing with, and um, you know and just have uh.
Speaker 1:There's one thing that I learned today, actually and it's good, because this is what I have to work on. There's this guy. I heard it on the speaker tape. He's talking about you know, people have faith, right, and I say, okay, have faith. He's talking about the difference between having faith in god and trusting god. It's not the same thing, apparently. So, and this is what I'm going to be holding on to for a while and this is what I'm trying to work towards. I work towards it a lot and all the other.
Speaker 1:In a lot of areas of my life, some areas, I don't have trust. I just have a lot of faith, and this is the way he broke it down, and maybe this can be helpful to some of you guys. It was very helpful to me. He said if you are at the circus and there's a guy doing the high wire act right, walking across the high wire right, then he brings out like a wheelbarrow and he's doing the high wire act right, walking across the high wire right. Then he brings out like a wheelbarrow and he's doing the wheel. He's, you know, walking the wheelbarrow across the high wire. Faith is you being like yo, this guy does this every day. It's still amazing, but, wow, I have faith that this guy knows what he's doing, you know. Trust is you climbing up there and getting in the wheelbarrow, and that's the difference.
Speaker 1:Do I trust that God is the greatest and that I'm going to be okay no matter what, and that I'm already okay? You know, I think about that, you know, and it's a very practical way to look at it, because, yo, I don't want to be here without my wife. I know that I, I told her and I've said this before, I'm okay with me leaving this earth. I've had an amazing life. You know, I'm not looking for death, but if it came, I'm a satisfied customer man. I've had such a wonderful experience.
Speaker 1:The most impactful has been me meeting my wife and and and my love for her helping me change into the person that I am today, because I needed that in order to keep her, in order to get her. I mean, I got her ass in a boat, but she was flopping out like a fucking fish. You know what I mean. And yeah, if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be who I am right now and and just to even have experienced that Is overwhelming for me In the most Incredible Emotional way. So I would be okay if they shut the lights off for me. I mean, I said that in front of her once and she was like, are you fucking crazy? I would be devastated if he was gone. And I'm like, okay that I get, and I would be devastated if she was gone. You know, but it ain't today, not today. So take care of yourselves, love yourselves, be good to yourselves, share, share, subscribe, like on all podcast platforms and, um, we'll see you guys next week. All right, I love you, peace.