Ephesians Part 11

In this episode, we consider Ephesians 5:21-32, as Paul continues to move the believers from identity to intimacy, from knowing who we are in Messiah, to learning how that identity transforms every relationship. The ekklesia is not just a collection of individuals who have received salvation. It is a people learning to embody the character of Messiah together. Give a listen. 

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

SPEAKER_00 0:18

Welcome to the Messiah in Life podcast, hosted by Bishop Justin D. Elwell of Restoration Fellowship International and Messiah Congregation, recorded at our congregational home in Washington Mills, New York. In this study through Paul's epistle to the Ephesians, we invite you to rediscover the beauty of God's covenant purposes revealed in Messiah Jesus. Together, we will explore the theological and covenantal foundations of Paul's letter. It's called Unity, Holiness, Redemption, and Covenant Identity for both Jew and Gentile in Messiah. This is more than a theological study. It is an invitation to see the story of Scripture as one unified testimony of the Lord's faithfulness from Israel to the nations, all brought together in Messiah. Thank you for joining us as we seek to live Messiah in everyday life. And now to Bishop Justin.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

So Ephesians chapter 5, beginning in verse 21. Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church, and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle, or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast or cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the Church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. This is God's word. Even since my wife's original diagnosis in 2020, in sickness and in health has taken on a much more profound meaning. Mainly because during that same period of time that my wife, particularly in the last year and a half, has been dealing with brain tumors that have obviously progressed. She had to nurse me back to health as I had had surgery. Not many people know this, but she actually kept herself from going to the ER thinking that it's we had no idea these were brain tumors, but she wanted to make sure I had surgery first. You know? And that I was taken care of first. And that's the heart of what Paul is talking about here. All too often, and I might speak more exp uh exponential uh what's the word of move for extemporaneously than I ordinarily do, but that's fine. Um But when we uh when we think about how we quite often frame this today, it's either you're in the egalitarian part uh or category or you're in the uh comp uh I can't speak today. Complimentarian part. Must be the uh cough drop. Complementarian. Those are easy outs. Those are easy definitions that I don't believe adequately help us to understand what Paul is saying. It's far more beautiful than that. And I think if we rely on categories that are man-made and then impose them upon Scripture, we can inadvertently as as you know, as earnestly as we like, we can be diverted away from what Paul is telling us, what the scripture is telling us. So I tend not to rely on the categories that that we are most familiar with, especially with something as delicate as this, and especially as something something that can be weaponized in either way. It can either you can either dismiss the text entirely or you can weaponize it. And I think we have to be very careful. But as I've been studying this over the last, particularly the last three or four weeks and wrestling with it, all that uh my wife and I are wrestling with, dealing with the text just continually jumped off the page. And so I I kind of want to unpack it from that perspective. So when we Paul is obviously talking about in the beginning of this chapter, he's talking about what does it look like to be spirit-filled? What does it look like to live a spirit-filled life? What does it look like to be in um indwelt by the Spirit of God? What does it look like to be one new humanity? Jew and Gentile living together. He's talked congregationally, communally, he's talked in the sense of um of what Messiah has done for us, leading to how we should live, how we would walk worthily of our calling, how the Lord brings us to maturity by the gift ministry, sometimes called five-fold ministry, and how the re what the responsibility of that ministry is to mature the body. Now he enters the home. And he begins by speaking in terms that are familiar to the audience, but he turns it on his head. He turns the household codes that would been would have been very familiar to the community in Ephesus, and he really turns it on his head. And that's why you have to read verse 21. Remember, some of these subheadings aren't inspired scripture. None of them are. Some obviously I like more than others, but I think um this becomes in this particular case. My subheading in the ESV here is wives and husbands. But you'd really have to move that up a couple of verses. Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. When we look at that, that is a revolutionary statement. And he's going to unpack that over the next, well, the at least the conclusion of this chapter into chapter six. So, what is spirit-filled living? What does it look like? Paul, as he begins to reframe this, again, he is living in light of the restoration. He is living in light of what Messiah has accomplished, what is yet to be accomplished, as we quite often call it the now, but not yet. Where are we living now? As the body of Messiah, are we living in restoration or are we still living under the curse? Are we being more influenced by the curse than the restoration of all things that we see in Messiah? Paul will help us to understand that as he uh lays this argument out for us. The first thing, of course, when we think about spirit-filled living, we go back to the original pattern. You know, the beautiful thing, women, you know, is is beautiful when we think about women. Men, I should, I've been saying this for years, but I need to kind of qualify it a little bit more. Um, you know, men are just highly polished dirt, right? We're highly formed dirt. We were made out of the dirt. Right? Of course, women were taken from man. So women aren't dirt. So should we treat women like dirt? I don't think so. And neither should we treat men like dirt for that matter. But what is the Lord? And that was that is not inspired, thus Sayyid Ajustin. Please don't interpret it that way. It's meant to be funny. Um but we think back to the formation of man in Genesis chapter 2, the Lord breathes life into the man and becomes a living being. And then, of course, the very first thing that in Scripture is, you know, before any command is really given, apart from be full, fruitful and multiplied, before any command is given to man humanity, that would be an ethical imperative for man to live by, we're told that something's not good. And that not good is that out of all creation, every creature that Adam has now made, or excuse me, has named, the one thing that is not good is that it is not good for him to be alone. Because there can be found nothing in creation that is suitable for him. The Lord takes the Isha from the Ish, the woman from the man. And there's a lot of um debate as far as the exact precise meaning of the tzelah, the side that is taken out of Adam, that we don't need to get into today. But then Adam says something beautiful. This is bone of my excuse me, bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. She should be called woman because she was taken out of man. This is what is called a Hebrew cutlet. Or couplet, not cutlet. I guess I'm still hungry. Hebrew cutlet would be nice too. I guess that might be uh a bit of brisket or something. Um but Hebrew couplet. Again, it's got to be the cough drop. It can't be any other, there's no other reason for this today. But when we look at this, we have bone in my bone, flesh in my flesh. It's this it's saying the same thing. And that's the point, that's the purpose of this. And then beautifully, woman taken out of man. This is understood within the scholarly world to be the very first song in Scripture. Adam, when he beholds Eve, sings a song. He's rejoicing because the partner that is meant for him, he now has. He has this beautiful companion that's so much more than that. It doesn't stop at the idea of a companion. And then in Genesis 2, verse 24, which Paul uses to frame his theological discussion on marriage, therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast or cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. When we behold this, he shall devach, he shall hold, he cling tightly to. It's the same relationship that is, or same word that is used to describe the relationship of Moses to the Lord as well. And they shall become baser echad, they shall become one flesh. And in that one flesh, what does that one flesh mean? They shall be one person. The two shall be one. So it's a it's a manifestation of personhood. What does it mean for a man and woman to be one person? And how this is what Paul will help us to understand. So then spirit-filled life, spirit-filled life stands in opposition to the self-centered life. If you are indwelt by the Spirit, by the nature of his spirit, you begin to place others in a more prominent place than you put yourself. So when we look at the context of this chapter, we see that Paul begins to speak within the faith community, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. That is spoken to everyone, not just women. Everyone. Men, women, children, slave, everyone in the community. That is a revolutionary idea. If Paul was simply a man of his age, he would never have written what we read between verse 21 and verse 32. If he was simply baptizing the Roman culture, the household codes, he would never have written this. He wouldn't have needed to. He could just say, go on living as you have been living. But what does it tell us? It tells us that there was a problem in the families, there was a problem in the marriages, and he gave them instruction specifically speaking, how do you live as a spirit-filled man or woman or child or slave within the culture of uh the spirit-filled community? How what does that look like? What does that look like for us? So he gives it to us in faith, community, family, and work and labor. So if we look at verse um 21, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ, living in the Spirit, being spirit-filled, creates in us a servant heart, a desire to serve, to serve others, to take care of others. That's the basis of godly marriage. The basis of godly covenant marriage is the unction of the spirit that causes us to serve each other in the way that Paul will then define it. So it creates that desire in us. Servant heart does not place the self in the center of our lives. So the universe of the household does not revolve around the dad and his desire and his whim. As in that um in that period of time, the uh patafamilius was absolute. The father was the absolute head of the household in every way, shape, and form. How the children lived, he would and particularly pay attention to the firstborn son, because the firstborn son would receive everything of the house. Um, wives really weren't considered much more than uh necessary for the birthing of children and the management of the household, but he was absolute. And that's not what Paul is describing here. He's not giving us this idea. So in the Greco-Roman philosophies or the philosophical and the social traditions of the day, household order was understood primarily in terms of hierarchy and authority. But Paul is giving us something much more, uh much different. And that's why I wrote here if he was simply a man of his time baptizing the social construct of the day, he wouldn't have written this. He wouldn't have needed to. But he's writing it because this is not consistent with scripture. What they were used to is inconsistent with the revelation of Scripture. So he begins with the wife. He begins with the wife, but he devotes much more detail to the man. Probably because we need the adjustment, right? I'm not sure why, but most of it is because of his description of how Messiah loves the body of Christ, his bride. So he places a greater responsibility on the husband. Husband loves your wave your wives, wives, as Messiah loved the church and gave himself up for her. So the standard is not Roman authority. It's the standard is Messiah's cross. It's not Roman culture, it's not the culture of our day, it's not uh Victorian era sensibilities or really Georgian era sensibilities. It's the cross of Messiah. That doesn't change. He is the same today, yesterday, today, and forever. So that standard never changes. The Roman standard certainly changed, the Victorian standard certainly changed, the American standard certainly changed, but the standard of the cross never changes. That's why the well-ordered marriage, a marriage according to the Word of God, can stand in any age, because it defies the social norms and conventions of the time. And again, much of what we consider modern accepted cultural nostalgic family was redefined by the industrial age. That's when we see moms, quote, staying at home for the first time. Why? Because husbands and wives historically work side by side. They worked the farm, they worked the craft, whatever it was. And that's the beauty of you know, the Proverbs 31 wife is it's not a standard that every woman has to reach. It's giving the permission, we might say, for a woman to be involved and engaged in everything that's described there. Why, for the benefit of the family? And I would, you know, remind us that it's being written to a man about a wife. What is an eshethail? What is a virtuous woman? What is a woman of valor? That's not a quiet wallflower simply adorning you know the halls of the house. A woman of valor is strong. She's a warrior. She takes care of her family, she takes care of her husband, she takes care of the livestock, she, you know, takes care of her neighbors. That's a much greater description, I think we quite often will use in this day and age. Again, even that speaks differently than our socially accepted norms today. So we have to be mindful of what we are allowing to define our idea of biblical marriage. So when we say I believe in traditional marriage, well, what tradition and what age? What is the influencing factor for that tradition? So if you believe in biblical marriage, which I think has been used quite um broadly today, um, you know, in political discussion, which is fine. But again, we have to go back to scripture and see what scripture says about it, not define it by what we think scripture says about it, but what does scripture say about it? So let me um, I'm just gonna read the excursus that's here. I've never actually put in sermon notes and excursives. Usually it's in an academic, you know, we'll be writing pages and pages and pages on a subject, and then there's one subject that needs a special treatment in order for the rest of the paper or book or whatever the project is to have a proper understanding of that subject. So I had all my notes done, and then I started writing more notes, and then more notes, and like, wait a minute, I have to I have to hone, you know, some this has to be brought to the barn at some point. We have to put the hay in the barn here. So I'm just gonna basically read it. It's it's a little a bit lengthy, but you'll survive, and I think actually I won't have to do much of a treatment on the rest if I just read this. So the New Testament's perhaps even the Bible's most extensive treatment of marriage appears in Ephesians 5, 21 through 33. Have you ever considered that? You won't really find in Scripture marriage defined in any other way like it's defined here. Unfortunately, this passage is often approached through modern debates concerning authority rather than Paul's larger theological framework. Yet Paul's discussion begins not with hierarchy but with mutual submission. Before addressing husbands and wives specifically, he exhorts the entire church to. Be submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ, men, women, children, slaves. For the men in that congregation at that time to hear that they need to submit to others, that was a tremendous affront to the ego. What are you talking about? These verses are the foundation for everything that flows. So what does it look like? What does Paul's theological framework look like? It's important to note that the verb submit does not explicitly appear explicitly in the text of Ephesians 5.22. Let me read it as it would appear. Submitting one another out of rever to one another out of reverence for Christ, wives to your own husbands as to the Lord. Okay, and I'll explain that in just a moment. So the verb submitting is carried syntactically, so it's implied to be there. It's simply a form of writing of the day. Into the household codes. 521 establishes the relational framework 522 to 33, then specifies differentiated responsibilities within marriage. Thus, Paul first calls the entire community to mutual submission out of reverence for Messiah before addressing the particular responsibilities of wives, husbands, children, and slaves. The household code should therefore be read within the framework of Messiah-shaped humility and mutual responsibility established in verse 21. Paul then addresses wives and husbands separately. Wives are submit are instructed to submit to their husbands as to the Lord. The Greek submit was used in military setting to establish order or arrangement under the command of a leader. But outside of that context, it's a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, or bearing a burden. Of course, in verse 21, he uses that for everyone in the body. He applies that to all of us. Husbands are instructed to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Much of the debate surrounding the passage centers upon the meaning of submission and headship in verse 22 and 24, respectively. However, Paul's emphasis falls less upon authority structures and more upon the self-giving character of Christian relationships. The husband's model is not a king exercising dominion over his subjects. The husband's model is Messiah hanging upon a cross. The headship Paul describes is cuneiform. It is expressed through sacrifice rather than control, service rather than privilege, self-denial rather than self-assertion. Whatever headship means within marriage, it cannot mean domination. For Christ's authority is revealed most clearly through his willingness to lay down his life for the sake of another. Likewise, the wives' submission cannot be understood as passive obedience or personal diminishment. Now, let me pause there just for a moment. When we see in verse 24, now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives submit in everything to their husbands. This is not absolute. Now, to Christ, it's absolute. Remember, it's an as, it's a comparison. Just as we see with the fifth commandment that we are to uh kavodvetkava yetcha, we are to honor our father and our mother, that's not if they lead us into sin. We respect who they are as our father and our mother, but we do not follow them into sin. This is not calling for women to suffer abuse. It's not calling for women to engage in conduct that is unbecoming the Christian character. It's the good things that the husband is to, as we see, to lead the wife into, to help mature in the wife, just as the wife, and we'll talk about this in a moment, helps the husband. Where did I leave off? Okay. Christian submission must never be understood as servility. Throughout the New Testament, submission is a voluntary act of trust and humility exercised by spiritual mature uh spiritually mature individuals. It's rooted in love rather than in coercion. Within marriage, submission reflects the mutual commitment of husband and wife to seek the flourishing of one another and the advancement of the Lord's purpose throughout through their covenant union. The challenge facing interpreters is determining how the language of headship functions within this relationship. Some argue that headship necessarily implies authority and leadership. Others argue that it emphasizes source, origin, or relational connectedness. While the debate remains unresolved, several observations are worth noting. First, Paul's understanding of marriage is grounded in, and this is an important distinction, Genesis chapter 2 rather than Genesis chapter 3. Genesis chapter 3 describes the married the married relationship as a result of the fall. Genesis chapter 2 describes the original condition of marriage. What does that look like? Paul doesn't rely on chapter 3. He relies on chapter 2. He quotes creation account directly: the two shall become one flesh. This is significant because Paul roots his theology of marriage in the Lord's original design rather than the distortions introduced by the fall. The apostle does not appeal to the curse as the basis for marital relationships. Instead, he appeals to original design in creation. That's why I keep asking, are we living in the restoration or are we living under a curse? I know it's uncomfortable to think about because it's not what everybody else says, but it is something everybody needs to wrestle with. The second point. The emphasis throughout the passage falls upon unity. Husband and wives are one flesh, one person. Baserachad, they're one flesh. The husband is to love his wife as his own body because, in a profound sense, she is his own body. The imagery is relational and covenantal rather than hierarchical. Paul's concern is not the preservation of power, but the cultivation of unity and the realization of the messianic vision of restoration. Third, the husband's responsibility is consistently greater, and I'll kind of uh qualify that in a moment. Consistently greater than any privilege he might claim from his position. So we can claim a position as a husband, but what Paul gives us is far greater than anything we could claim on our own. Paul devotes substantially more attention to the husband's obligation than the wife's. Husbands are commanded to love, to nourish, to cherish, to protect, sacrifice, I'd even put wash in there, cleanse, which is the sense of sanctifying her and setting her apart, not treating your wife as common. That's what holy is, that's what sanctification is. You don't treat your wife as a common object. You don't treat your wife as an object of lust and ungodly desire. She's holy unto the Lord. And you treat her as that. And then Paul qualifies the marital relationship elsewhere. Headship within marriage exists primarily as a call to responsibility rather than a grant of authority. We don't receive ownership manuals, right? We don't get the title deed when we get married. These observations suggest that Christian marriage is best understood as covenant partnership categorized by mutual devotion and differentiated responsibilities. Equality of spiritual standing does not eliminate distinction. Men are still men, women are still women. Even though Paul says there's neither Jew nor Gentile, slave nor free, male nor female, but men are still men, women are still women. So there are dis differences. There are distinctions of what we do within married relationship, within white life, and so on. Equality of spiritual standing does not eliminate distinction, and distinction does not necessarily require domination or inequality of worth, or mean, excuse me, does not necessarily require domination or inequality of worth. Husbands and wives serve one another as fellow heirs of grace. That's what Peter tells us. United in a common mission under the lordship of Christ. So this understanding aligns closely with the creation narrative itself. The woman was created as an Ezercanegdo, right? A corresponding helper. And I'm leading you to the point where I want you to that I want you to understand. Corresponding helper, one who stands in a fitting and necessary relationship to the man. As previously noted, actually, um I removed that part, so you'll have to excuse me. The term Ezer does not imply inferiority. Now, why do I say that? In many instances throughout the New Testament, the Lord Himself is described as the helper of his people, the Ezher of His people. He is the helper of his people. So the word communicates strength, support, indispensable assistance. My wife on earlier this week was an uh really stood in this place very firmly as an Ezekineda, where she was giving me counsel. And that's and I will, and I freely admit this, uh, you know, acknowledge this, my wife is my first counselor, because we I genuinely believe that we are one flesh, one person. So she had to take that strong position in counsel to this week, where she was speaking the promises of God into me. And that's what she's supposed to do. She could have sat there and shut her mouth and just let it go. But she was being exactly what the Lord has created her to be in terms of our relationship to each other. And I'm gonna say this gently. When the husband and wife come under covenant relationship within the body of Christ, both having been renewed by faith, what we see is that the woman brings to the relationship exactly what the men lack. In your wife is the supply for your lack. Your lack in your temperament, your lack in your personality, your lack in your ability, your lack, whatever it might be, she is the strong answer to that. She's the one that stands there. She's the she's again not to be dominated because she is supposed to be that strong support on the common mission. And then he in turn, well, we'll get to that in a moment, he in turn has a corresponding relationship to that. Now, let's continue on. Consequently, the wife's role within marriage should not be viewed through the lens of subordination, but rather through the lens of partnership. Are you subordinating your your person? Right? If you are and truly, if you truly and genuinely believe that you are one flesh, brought together by God, renewed through Christ, can you subordinate, in the way that it's often depicted, your your bride? I don't think that's what Paul's arguing for. She's not just called to assist her husband, husband's mission, excuse me. Rather, husband and wife together participate in a shared mission given by God. The unity brings forth the strength. I will be the first to tell you that in the last couple of weeks, while my wife has been away for days at a time, I am far less strong than when she's home. Just her presence in the home strengthens me. That doesn't mean I'm weak. It means I recognize that without her there, I'm incomplete. Because I do have a covenant relationship established by the Lord. And one of the reasons, you know, some uh one of the reasons that I put up a picture of my wife and I on our wedding day is as I'm meditating on this and I'm thinking about what we are going through right now, that one picture kind of set it all for me. She's feeding me and I'm feeding her, you know. And that to me is kind of the heart of what Paul is saying. And hold on, let me make sure that our live stream is still gotta love. There it is, it is going. It's just my phone was frozen. Glory to God. So uh the wife isn't just subordinate to the husband's mission as a faithful gospel man of God. Amen. Rather, husband and wife participate in the shared mission given by God. Remember, your marriage is part of your testimony before the world, and part of our mission. So the marriage covenant unites their lives, gifts, resources, and callings for the sake of the kingdom. This perspective also helps explain why the New Testament repeatedly emphasizes mutuality within marriage. In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul states that the husband's body belongs to the wife, and the wife's body belongs to the husband. Well, isn't that a fly in some of the ointment? And I think people, of course, they they will only categorize that sexually rather than, and I'm trying to be discreet here, but rather than viewing this as the outworking of what does one flesh, one person look like? What is this union that the Lord brings together look like? Such language was extraordinary. I mean, this is Paul was not a man of his age. Paul was not someone who was just in cultural agreement and saying, you know what, we're going to sanctify this in Jesus' name and you can do whatever you want. That's not who Paul the Apostle was. This language was incredibly significant, especially that part where it says the husband's body belongs to the wife. Because the husbands of the time are they inclining their ears slightly more directly, wondering, hey, can we get him after the service is over and teach him a lesson? Right? So Paul does not assign unilateral authority to one spouse over the other. Instead, he emphasizes reciprocal obligation and mutual belonging. Peter instructs husbands to honor their wives. That word honor is the same word that you'll see back in the Big Ten and that fifth commandment. That cavod, that respect, that dignity, that honor that you hold your father and your mother in, that word that is used so often to describe the dignity that we hold the Lord in. Husbands, dignify your brides in that way. To honor Peter, again, let me read this, uh Peter. I can't even read my own writing without adding more to it, so you can see my problem. Peter instructs husbands to honor their wives as fellow heirs of the grace of life. 1 Peter 3, 7. This language is remarkable. Husbands and wives stand together as co-heirs before the Lord. Whatever distinctions exist within marriage, they do not affect one's standing within the covenant community. Both receive the same inheritance, both stand equally before the throne of grace. This passage suggests that Christian marriage functions as a living witness to redemption. In a fallen world marked by competition, domination, self-interest, marriage becomes a testimony to reconciliation and mutual service. Just as the congregational family is a witness that Christ has come, that Christ is resurrected, the family, the husband and the bride, the husband and the wife, are also a testimony that Christ has come and Christ is resurrected. Our whole life is a witness of his resurrection, of his sovereignty, of who he is. These passages, let me read this again, suggest that Christian marriage functions as a living witness to redemption in a world fallen, or a fallen world marked by competition, domination, self-interest, marriage becomes a testimony to reconciliation and mutual service. The husband does not exercise authority for his own benefit. I'm going to read that again for dramatic effect. The husband does not exercise authority for his own benefit. The wife does not submit because she possesses lesser value. The same blood that bought you men is the same blood that bought her. Both orient their lives around Messiah and seek the good of the other. Such a vision challenges the contemporary, uh contemporary, both contemporary individualism and traditional forms of domination. Individualism reduces marriage to personal fulfillment. How will this marriage fulfill me? And of course, even today in the secular world, that is not even a question. It's, you know, young couples, young people who are, as we used to say in the in the old days in the 1900s, they're shacking up together. It's just it's it's for individualism. What benefit does this person give to me? And when that benefit expires, they move along. Personal fulfillment. Domination reduces marriage to power. Who has the greater power here? Before Christ? Neither. So the biblical vision transcends both distortions, and that's what they both are. They're distortions according to the age that we're in. Quite often we're reactionary. You know, if this if the civil world is doing this, we do that. Again, we turn to scripture. Marriage exists for covenant faithfulness, mutual sanctification, shared vocation, and the glory of God. Let's continue looking at the text. So the husband. Now, here, ladies, I'm gonna handle this a little gently, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church. Well, boo-hoo, isn't that horrible? Well, listen to what he's saying. When was the last time you took your head off? How long did you survive? So a head needs a body and a body needs a head. Again, this is speaking to the unity that comes through this one flesh, this one person. Now, it doesn't mean that a woman is in subordinate position. Again, it's not subordination because we're all called to submit. Again, within the community, we're all called to submit. As the church submits to Christ, so also wives submit in everything to their husband. Again, but not absolute and not to sin. And what does that mean? Now, as the Ezer, is the helper, is the strong helper for the husband, there's going to be times when a discussion happens. Now, I think quite often wives are expected to not say anything at all and not disagree with their husbands, but that would be not in keeping with what the wife was created for and intended to be. So there might be times of contention. There might be times when we know what we're trying to figure out what the best thing to do here is, and we're on a different page. So what do we do? Well, we look at this as rationally, as matter-of-factly as we can. And you know what? Can I give you a little heads up, ladies? Can I help you with this? Sometimes if you know he's wrong, let him be wrong. You can fix the mistake. But sometimes let him be wrong. Isn't that horrible? Gentlemen, sometimes take her direction. She might be right. Did you see how I did that? Wasn't that sneaky of me? Gentlemen, as as he concludes as he continues in chap in verse 25 through 32, the heart of these passages, 22 through 24, is in 25 to 33. When she sees you, she should see Christ. That's where the submission comes from. And again, it's not to her detriment, it's to her support of you, her strength in you, her strengthening of you, her bringing her gifts to bear for the gifts that you lack. I am so blessed that my wife is superiorly intelligent than I am. And she is a fantastic cook. Glory to God for that. Because I'm learning that again, it is not good for a man to be alone, especially when he's trying to make himself some eggs. But she should see Christ in you. That's the heart of the relationship. It's not I'm the man, you're the woman. You're secondary to me. It's she sees him in you. And I will be honest, you see him in her. Because as you see him and her, you begin to, just as Paul describes, the relationship between Christ and his church. What does Messiah do for the body? Let's read this. Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. This is putting her first in your economy. Did Messiah not put us first? Yeah. He died for us. Verse 26, that he might sanctify her, that he might set her apart, that she might not be common. Having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the word. You are already clean. Right? Messiah says this to the disciples, you are already clean because of my word. And how do we do this? This is part of what. Well, let me continue on because he'll explain it better than I can. Having cleansed her by the washing of the word so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. This is part of that maturity, the cultivation. Just as those fivefold offices bring the body of Christ to maturity, the husband in his sacrificial Christ-like living toward his wife brings her to maturity as well. It doesn't mean that she's incapable of it. It means that, again, with each other, we're complete. So we take care of our body, yes, gentlemen, Lord willing, we do. We try to the best. Some of us take a little bit more robust care of it than others, but that's, you know, preference. You'll figure out what I'm saying later. It'll be fine. You'll find it funny. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. This is, of course, an outworking of love your neighbor as yourself. There's a little more uh intimate and a little closer. For no one ever hated his own flesh. Paul might hear that inspiration a little differently today, because we certainly find people who do. But nourishes it and cherishes it. And again, this is his own flesh, his one body. Look at go back fundamentally to how you view your spouse, how you view your wife, how you view your husband, and so on. Nourishes it, cherishes it just as Christ does the church. Because we are members of his body. We're part of his body. The head can't say to the body, I don't need you. And the wife, I mean the body, can't say to the head. You'll get that one later too. It'll work out. Beautiful picture of how we should view the marital relationship. We're members of his body. Verse 31 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother. Because of the care, the covering, the protection, the relationship of the father and mother to the son, he leaves and holds fast, cleaves to, clings to his bride. And the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound. Even Paul says, I don't fully understand all this. It's profound. It's a profound mystery. And I'm saying this, I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the church. He's pointing us to the relationship between Messiah and his bride and saying that mystery of all that we've unpacked thus far, live that in your homes. Live that reality, live that theology in your homes, live in the restoration in your homes. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Do you see how what Paul did with this? It's it's tremendous. It is absolutely amazing what Paul has unpacked here and given us as direction for godly marriage, marriage within the covenant community. Husbands love your wives. And as we uh as I've said so many times before, he places the greater uh emphasis or the greater exposition on this, on the husband, to be the modeler, to be the as I think I say in the in my in the marriage ceremony that I use, the initiator of love in the in the relationship. Right. I'm looking for something that I have here and I'm I'm not seeing it, but here he is love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. See, he's using very similar language in how we relate to each other, how we honor. You know, this idea of respect and honor, as he's used previously regarding husbands to wives, is all the same language hebraically. It's all the same idea hebraically. So love your wife as yourself. Again, he's pointing back to Genesis 2 and verse 24 as the model. Are we in this restoration? Is that where we are? Is that what we are beholding? Let me look on your in this page. I think it's on page four of your notes. It's under item number 10, the radical standard of Messiah's love. I just want to bring a couple points from that. Messiah's authority is expressed through self-sacrifice. A husband, therefore, cannot appeal to this passage as justification for domination. If he wishes to imitate Messiah, he must imitate the Messiah who gave himself. Paul does not teach that husbands, this is an important point I should have brought out earlier. Paul does not teach the husband how to rule his wife. Did you notice that as you're looking at this chapter? He doesn't say, this is how you rule over your wife as a king. But he teaches husbands how to love their wives. And why was that? It's not that it was absent from the culture, but it wasn't prominent in the culture. Again, the idea of what the wife was for, what the woman was for, but he's now reorienting the thinking of men. That she's not just an ornament in the house. She is uh bought by the blood of the Lamb just as you were. This is how you respect her, this is how you love her. We're not walking in the curse of the fall. We've been redeemed from the curse. Isn't that the case? Or am I incorrect on that? Is that the is the Genesis 3.16 curse the only thing that Christ can't redeem and reverse, restore? No. So this means this one flesh, again, sacrificial love, protection, faithfulness, tenderness, provision, patience, self-denial. The husband is not to demand what he is owed. It's a relationship. It is to give himself for the flourishing of his wife. And gentlemen, she'll do the same. That he might sanctify her, we went through that. So when we look uh under uh point number eleven, Paul grounds his teaching again, not in Roman social custom, but in creation. He puts it under the act of the Lord in creation, not as a result of the actions of man. Yes? So marriage precedes the fall, Sinai, Rome, Greece, Israel's monarchy, and all the issues there, and the first century household system. His marriage precedes it all. And we are being restored, and of course, Christ is leading us in the restoration of all things. So the foundation of marriage, therefore, in the new covenant, is founded upon the Lord's creative purpose. The one flesh, the one person speaks of the profound relationship and covenant unity. So they become one covenantal household. Just as he's been talking about within the faith community of bringing Jew and Gentile, slave and free, male and female, all of them together, everyone not having some uh, let's say, delineated place. You're back there, you're over there, you're up there, oh, you're a slave, so you're down the hall to the right. How do you bring all of that together? The theology of the congregation must become a theology of the home, and when the theology of the home enters the congregation, it becomes the theology of the congregation. Because we should be working out from the word of God. So Paul makes this remarkable statement: the mystery is profound, and I'm saying it refers to Messiah and the church, the body of Christ. So marriage becomes an earthly sign pointing to the greater heavenly reality. Brothers and sisters, our marriages should be pointing to the coming of the bridegroom. That's what it should be pointing to. It should be part of our living testimony that He is coming and that we are part, we are, as Paul says, citizens of heaven, abiding in that uh culture of marriage and so on. So none of this trivalize trivializes marriage. It elevates it. Marriage becomes a living parable of covenant faithfulness. Your lives are a story, your lives are a parable. Your lives should be showing forth the truth of the redemption of Christ. And the beautiful thing is, yeah, if your marriage has been a mess, guess what? He's going to clean it up and make it a beautiful testimony. And you can go through everything. You had a fight this day, well, glory to God. You were you reconciled the next day. Glory to God. It becomes a testimony and a parable of all that he's doing within the kingdom of God so that people that know you and interact with you and walk with you can look at your testimony and glorify the Lord. So Christian marriage is called to bear witness to that reality. Now, of course, we can go into, but we won't do so today. Maybe I'll add it as an addendum at some point. But what if you're a single? What if you're divorced? You know, those are other very legitimate questions. They're important questions. But obviously, Paul doesn't address that specifically in the text, so I won't uh imply that here. Um, but those are legitimate questions. What happens in that case? So you can read the pastoral reflection on your own. I don't think I have to go through that, but let me uh look at this, let each one love his wife. Notice again the mutuality. Husband's called, uh husband's calling is love, woman's calling is respect. Both relational virtues strengthen the covenant union. So something in the Ephesian marriage and family was unhealthy and unbiblical and needed correction. So Paul does not leave husbands with the right to demand submission without while withholding sacrificial love. He can't. That's why Paul continually points to the Messiah, nor does he leave wives with a responsibility to respect with while denying them dignity. I remember talking to a person who relied on this text as an excuse and a permission to treat his wife in the most undignified, unchristian way. And when he would not be persuaded from his opinion, I simply ceased to speak to him. But what was going on was an abomination. So the entire passage, everything that we're reading here, is governed by self-giving love of Messiah. How do you live his love out within the community and within the family? That's the question. And that is the call. Let's just look at the conclusion because I know it's been a while since we've looked at the first half of this chapter. The conclusion moves the believer from identity to intimacy, from knowing who we are in Messiah to learning how that identity transforms every relationship. It transforms our marital lives, it transforms our interpersonal relationships, and so on. So Paul's vision is comprehensive. We're called to walk in love, walk in light, walk in wisdom, be filled with the Spirit, give thanks, submit to one another, love sacrificially, live faithfully within covenant relationships. So the Ecclesia is not just a collection of individuals who receive salvation, it's a people learning to embody the character of Messiah together. We saw that in chapter two. He now teaches people how to live without rebuilding walls of selfishness, um domination, immorality, bitterness, or pride. Again, walking in the spirit is contrary to all of these things. It's the antidote to it. Nowhere is it more beautifully demonstrated than Paul's vision of marriage. The husband is called not to imitate the ruler of Rome. He's not the Caesar of his own castle. He is to imitate the crucified Messiah, the one who gave himself for his bride. The wife is not called to surrender her dignity, but to participate faithfully in a covenant, mutual in a covenant of mutual honor. Hard words, I know. But both are called to reflect the mystery of Messiah and his people. We're living what this looks like. That's what's so beautiful. So the Lord has created one new humanity. So he's making one new humanity. Don't you think he would do that also in your home, in your marital relationship? And he's filled that people with his spirit, and he now calls them to live together in a manner worthy of the calling they have received. So you have to take Paul's admonition here towards marriage within the greater context of his theological treatment on the kingdom of God, who the Father, Son, and Spirit is, what Christ has accomplished, what we have received from him, how he is bringing Jew and Gentile together as the reconciliation, the restoration, the repair of the Genesis 11 fracture, and what that means within the household, what it means again, even. Look at verse 6, and I'll just. This is revolutionary, and we'll get to it when we get there. But ver uh chapter 6 and verse 1: Children obey your parents in the Lord, as for this is right. It doesn't say obey your dad. Again, within the context of the age, it should have just been obey your father. Obey your parents. This is revolutionary stuff. Amen. So we'll stop here. Pick up.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:14

Amen. Thank you for studying with us. And until our next episode, may the Lord bless and keep you all in the mighty name of Jesus. Amen.