Beyond the Surface: What It Really Takes to Plan South Asian Celebrations

Join Krisy Thomas, COO of the CWP Society, and Certified Wedding Planner & Certified Wedding Planner & Certified Educator, Rima Shah, as they dismantle the dangerous assumption that South Asian weddings are just "bigger centerpieces on a longer timeline."

This is a masterclass in what multi-day celebrations actually demand: extended vendor access, hospitality infrastructure most venues ignore, and contracts built for sacred ceremony sequences—not just "out by midnight" clauses.

You'll hear:

• The real-time breakdown of an ambitious decor installation gone sideways—and the exact triage protocol that saved the day
• Non-negotiable venue requirements most teams overlook: multiple meal services, secure staging, vendor prep rooms, and functional hospitality suites
• How to separate genuine cultural competence from performative tokenization
• The preparation protocol for first-time vendors: mandatory site walks, cultural primers, and staffing plans calibrated for complexity
• What the South Asian wedding community has strategically adopted from Western planning norms—ironclad contracts, planner requirements, and professional boundaries that protect everyone

Whether you're expanding your cultural competency or refining your approach to complex celebrations, this episode delivers practical tools and the mindset shift to serve diverse couples with both skill and respect.

Ready to elevate your expertise? Become a Certified Wedding Planner with CWP Society and join a collaborative community committed to professional excellence. Visit cwpsociety.com to learn more.

www.cwpsociety.com | info@cwpsociety.com | IG: @cwpsociety | FB: @cwpsociety

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

You're listening to the Wedding Planner Society podcast, brought to you by the CWP Society.

SPEAKER_00 0:15

Welcome back to the Wedding Planner Society podcast, brought to you by the CW Peace Society, the world's largest membership of certified wedding planners and professionals. I'm Christy Thomas, the COO of the CW Peace Society. And, you know, South Asian weddings are having a moment in the broader wedding industry, and for good reason. The vibrant colors, the intricate mini designs, and the multi-day celebrations are absolutely stunning. But here's the thing: there's a big difference between being inspired by these beautiful elements and truly understanding what it takes to plan and execute them well. Today we're having an honest conversation about the wedding industry or about what the wedding industry often gets wrong or simply doesn't know about South Asian celebrations. From vendors who underestimate the scope to the venues that aren't equipped for the reality of these events, to the difference between appreciation and tokenization, and we're diving into the gaps that exist and more importantly, how we can bridge them. To guide us through this conversation, I'm thrilled to welcome back Rima Shaw. Rima is a certified wedding planner and certified educator who specializes in South Asian weddings. She's been in the trenches working with vendors and venues across the spectrum, and she brings both grace and honesty to the industry to better serve these incredible celebrations. Rima, welcome back to the podcast. As always, I'm so happy you're here. Thank you so much for having me. I'm super excited to be here as always. Well, let's go ahead and dive in. So, Rima, when you first started working with venues or vendors outside the South Asian wedding space, what surprised you most about what they didn't know, or maybe that they hadn't even considered?

SPEAKER_01 1:57

So, one of the things that we like that I often run into, or is maybe the one number one most common thing I run into is the amount of time that is needed for South Asian weddings. It's not just the on-site hours, the weekend of, but even beforehand with meetings and site visits and consultations or even just conversations that you as a vendor may have to have uh with another vendor on the team. It's just all of the time that it takes to really execute the perfect weekend. And time and time again, I see this over and over again, where of course, beforehand, it's like, oh, I didn't expect maybe this many meetings, or even the weekend of where it's like, oh my gosh, yeah, I saw it on the timeline, but I didn't think it would be this rapid or that, like this is just like how fast-paced it would be. That's probably the number one thing I definitely see. That's the most common thing throughout uh vendors who have not worked a South Asian wedding before.

SPEAKER_00 3:11

Yeah, and it almost kind of reminds like makes me think like, can you give us a specific example where a vendor maybe thought they were prepared for a sound, but quickly realized the scope was different than they expected. You know, how how did you help kind of bridge that gap for that vendor?

SPEAKER_01 3:28

Yeah, so of course, it's my job is not just the weekend of to make sure that they're doing, you know, good and our eye, but of course the prep that goes behind the scenes and um, you know, uh from either the time the vendor is onboarded or, you know, depending on the situation, if I'm in a wedding management and from the point I hop in, it's my job to make sure that I'm communicating expectations, timelines, and the amount of time that we'll need from them and their team, especially the weekend of, of course, you know, example, I had I worked with like this floral decor team who this is they're more so doing florals with like rentals and stuff, and they wanted to be in the South Asian wedding space. This is their first wedding. Really, really great people. However, although, you know, I did what I had to do and prep them and all of that, they were still understaffed, didn't estimate correctly the amount of time that their setup also required. Although they had, you know, I always make sure uh site visits, whatever that we have that I build in the time for the setup time. It does take, you know, of course, depending on wedding to wedding, everything is different, but these setups require time. It's not a quick two-hour setup, three-hour setup. A lot of the times it's going to take a longer period of time. First-time vendors can often underestimate that time that it takes for them to set up of this scale, which is what this happened in this situation. It was just an all hands-on-deck type of a situation. Luckily, I had my preferred rentals vendor who is there who, you know, helped however he could to help out. My team also, also really great, but it was just, you know, that pulls us sometimes away from what we need to do as planners or coordinate and stuff. And of course, that's communicated with them the weekend of and the right when it happens. And it was a lot of just hey, we gotta go, go, go, go, go. We gotta get this done, done, done, focus. Let's okay. If you can't get this done exactly when I need everything done on time, do this first, then work on A, B, C, D next. And so then my job really becomes the weekend of, or in that instance, was all right, I have to now delegate and plan how their execution is going, right? Because if I need the focal point, because that's where photos are gonna start happening, um, that needs to be done first. So if you're still working on that and you're also now concentrating on like the welcome sign decor, I don't care. The first priority is gonna get that focal point set up, put all your team members on there. So I am never, I never work a micromanagey this way until the situation calls for it in this instant where I did have to step in and start delegating their own team members and them themselves on how they need to get things done on time. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:35

How did that end? Because I know with with you thinking this is her first South Asian wedding, was she receptive to you helping? I mean, when I when I because I know you, like you said, you you prepped this person. You've had these meetings of like, this is the time window, this is how this typically works. Make sure you have a bigger staff. And they didn't take your advice then. How did it happen at the end of this? Were they appreciative? Were they like, I'm never doing this again? Or why did you step over and have to take over? Like that made me look bad. How did that end up?

SPEAKER_01 7:05

It was probably unfortunately, maybe a combination of everything, right? Um, they weren't totally upset that I stepped in because uh quite honestly, that vendor was also kind of like panicking and going kind of into like having uh, you know, kind of like not a panic attack, maybe an anxiety attack, whatever. I don't want that to happen. When that happened, I've I've been in that situation before. So I know it's a complete shutdown mode. So it's really like, hey, listen, uh, it's approaching it with kindness, but also like firmness and urgency as well, because this is the reality of it. We're in it. We're not um a day before, even where we have the time to like talk it out and whatever it is. So it's really me like, hey, listen, this is what you gotta do. I'm gonna have these team members of yours focus on the focal point, get this done first, and then you guys concentrate on the rest of it. And then I'll let photo video know to capture, you know, first focus on that and then capture things as you get done for those detail shots and stuff. Yes, she's they were thankful that I was able to step in and you know help them get things done relatively on time, at least. So, like, yes, where are we still setting up while wedding party was there, unfortunately. However, they were done setting up before the rest of the guests arrived or before any of the events started, which for me at that point was a huge win. Afterwards, they did rec they were like Rima, you were you did tell us to really acknowledge that. Like, yeah, they they recognized it and then they did recognize that this isn't something that maybe they can do for themselves, or this is something that they need to really re-evaluate, which I appreciated because that also takes a lot of courage to to say that or to even like talk about that with someone. So I really didn't appreciate that they did recognize that.

SPEAKER_00 9:02

Also, yeah, that was my first thought was like, did she acknowledge the fact that I should have listened to you? I didn't take your advice, and here we are now. Thank you for stepping up and being the great planner you are to make sure that things got done and executed in the way that it needed to. So I I that was my question there. So thank you for sharing that. Thank you so much. Yeah, we're we often see beautiful South Asian wedding elements trending on Pinterest and Instagram and TikTok. What's the difference here between appreciating these elements and actually understanding what it takes to execute them properly?

SPEAKER_01 9:34

So I feel like appreciating is the first step to understanding, right? And then from there, uh, you know, it's really just taking the time to learn what elements are important to the couple, their own traditions culturally, and then versus elements that are maybe trending or just for the gram or may just be a very elaborate styled shoot, right? Um, and may not be all logistically possible. So sometimes it's really um, you know, sometimes part of the job is to also, hey, um, couples, this is what may be logistically possible. This is, you know, cool if you want to do certain have like go on the beach after your holy event, then this is kind of the timeline that we're looking for. And oftentimes it's uh, you know, couples are even vendors that haven't worked South Asian weddings before, understanding the logistics and why things sometimes may be done a certain way, or why this may not be all entirely possible, or it's just a trending thing. Like um, you know, at one point colored henna was really trending and stuff. But what people fail to understand is that that's just paint. Henna does it. Henna is a plant, it's a natural dye. Yeah. The only henna is it's the dark brown color, and then jagua, which is another plant, um, natural plant, it is that you get that more of like the dark um black, almost bluish undertones. But other than that, you don't get other colors. So, and that for a while was super trending where it was like artists would put like glitter and stuff like that. A lot of times, what um brides tend didn't realize is that okay, that's just for the pictures, or just for maybe that one event or something that they're doing days before their actual wedding because the paint's gonna come off and that's not gonna stay, it's paint, it's not gonna stay the entire time. So, whereas like the henna dot, like the stain is actually staining your skin. That's just something that like I've seen before that was trending, and like, okay, maybe this may not be possible for my own wedding.

SPEAKER_00 11:58

Yeah, I love that you use that. Rima, what are some logistical realities of multi-day South Asian celebrations that traditional American wedding venues or vendors often overlook in their planning, clearly the florists, and also maybe even their pricing?

SPEAKER_01 12:16

So logistical realities, all right. Venues that I see often or not, um, we have a lot more meal services than the average white dress wedding does. Um, it's not just meal services for of course during the like multiple events, but oftentimes, again, hosting is such a huge aspect of South Asian culture that typically, if guests are all staying at the same hotel or venue space, then even breakfast is being provided. You get if it's just an evening event, oftentimes they'll even have lunch provided, uh, tea and snacks in between. And then, like, of course, the meal. Uh, that's what the event in the evening is up. So it's not just one meal service, um, it's multiple meal services and done in different ways as well. So it's really important for venues to need to staff appropriately to uh not just the guest counts and of course like the event needs, but also based on like the other external outside of events um services that are being provided or things that are going on. Aside from that, too, space requirements of you know, the standard is is that usually hotels are a really great example because they're kind of easy um to just talk about in this uh example. But hotels, for example, a lot of times for South Asian weddings, they'll give um a prep room and a hospitality suite. And these are venues that we love because they understand that great vendors, we need a prep space. And oftentimes one isn't just not sufficient enough, depending on, of course, on the scale of the production, right? Um, oftentimes we need a section of the ballroom, um, or like a caterer might need their own separate prep area or prep room. And in addition to using the kitchen as prep and floral decors may need a space. My team, we have items that, you know, um we're setting up for the couples and everything that we're putting safely in that prep area as well. So that way it's not getting like guests don't have to worry about it. They're not um, you know, nothing's getting lost in the sauce, you know. Um, it's all secured in this one area. And then, of course, we also need hospitality room, and then in between, we need uh spaces for uh we need to rent room uh for flip or for turnover because even breakdown of these productions is not just going to happen in 90 minutes. Yeah, it oftentimes takes you know five hours plus. When I used to work for a decorator, I remember leaving out of the venue around 4 a.m. because we'd be sitting there, we'd be cleaning each vase, you know, with water, wiping it down, packing it, loading it back up. And you're talking about hours, thousands of basic. Yeah, hours, hours of work, even though they all have amazing teams and sufficient teams to do it, everything just takes time.

SPEAKER_00 15:33

And even then, that makes me think of the timeline that we need with the venue, where it's not going to be like your traditional everyone out by midnight, you get two hours tear down. And I think these are those elements and those things, Rima, that as planners, we have to make sure that we are aware of before we start booking these weddings. Because these are those conversations that you're you've had to have with venues, whether it's a venue that you're searching for for your couple, or maybe they've already selected their venue. So now you're coming in thinking, okay, so here are the extra elements that we need that are not part of their package. Let's modify this now. Yeah. If you were a planner who were not familiar with this process, oh, it makes me nervous for what the situation that they're walking into if they're not educated about what it really truly does take to plan and execute a South Asian wedding.

SPEAKER_01 16:22

Yeah, and oftentimes too, the client also doesn't know, right? Yeah, right. This is sometimes their first time that they're doing this. So even for them, it's they may also be like, oh no, why do you need you don't need an extra room, or it'll be fine, like you can just come back, go back to your warehouse and come back or whatever. And even clients uh, you know, they don't see the back-end processes of the prep work, all of the time again, everything, the labor, the time, everything that's needed to really produce um such a beautiful event.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

Yeah, absolutely. What has the South Asian wedding community learned or maybe borrowed from the white dress-based wedding culture that it's actually enhanced the planning experience?

SPEAKER_01 17:10

So I love this question because it's such a fun one and it's such a positive one, too. First off, from the client's perspective, wedding parties. Me also as a planner, yes, I do love wedding parties because they're just that support system for your couple. They also uh oftentimes they are kind of we use them as our point people too, or oftentimes our couples will be like, hey, well, just use our wedding party or use our maid of honor and best man. And that's wedding parties are not a South Asian cult wedding culture part of it, traditionally, right? And like you'll see weddings in India, they don't have wedding parties, but it's a very uh westernized uh western culture tradition that we've adopted into our weddings as well. And so that's all that's such a fun one, and I'm and I love it. And you'll see large wedding parties. Um, I've had wedding parties of like 30 people, like 15 on each side. So when we go, we go big.

SPEAKER_00 18:14

That sounds like uh a southern day as well, like straight from the South Tennessee. It's like yeah, to me, I'm like my biggest one, Rima, I think was 18 on each side. Yeah, I thought I was like, who's left? Like who's this wedding? Everyone's here.

SPEAKER_01 18:32

Sometimes I'm like, I see two whole rows of seats that are empty and it's just wedding party.

unknown 18:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:40

Um, and it's just really nice though, because like I I know, especially for my brides, they they feel really just comfortable. Obviously, they have their friends or their cousins or family members there with them. So that's a really sweet one. Something from our perspective, a vendors planner side, is that South Asian vendors in the South Asian wedding community are have become more firm with their professional boundaries. So, meaning having proper contracts, pricing accurately for the time that's needed, uh, back end, the weekend of, etc. And a lot more wedding vendors in the South Asian space are now most of them also just require working with planners. If not, they very heavily uh tell, like they let their clients know that they need to hire a planner or at the very least, a wedding management uh coordinator for the month of. And that has been something like again, probably I would say over the last 15 years, we've really seen that tide, that changeover happening. And especially in the last like five years or so, South Asian vendors are being much, much more firm and having proper contracts, which is really great because sometimes in our own community, we sometimes tend to blur the professional boundary a little bit because we are of the same community, and so that's something that I can not just I, but many of the vendors in the South Asian wedding space have learned and uh learned from and are implementing it, which is fantastic. I love it, it keeps us all a standard of service, you know.

SPEAKER_00 20:25

And um, all that does is just kind of improve the industry as a whole. And I love that you mentioned that we all have kind of the same standard of service and that that's gonna impact them professionally, but also personally, when they have those boundaries in place, when they're pricing themselves accordingly, making sure they get paid for the amount of work they're putting in. I can imagine that that's such a huge benefit. So I'm I'm glad you mentioned that, Rima.

SPEAKER_01 20:48

Yeah, definitely. And I would just say, other than that, honestly, overall organization where it's not just like from South Asian wedding vendors, but also from now couples themselves or even their parents were like perfect example. I spoke to um a mother of the groom earlier this week, and she starts off this call with Rima, listen, I love everything organized, and everything has to be on time. And I was like, ma'am, I think we're making sense.

SPEAKER_00 21:24

My language, we will be very good.

SPEAKER_01 21:28

So now even um, even like some of like the older generation of South Asian like parents, and um, they're also recognizing that oh my gosh, this organization actually is such a benefit. Like, we are not trying to stress out or figure stuff out like the weekend of or the day of or exactly when stuff is happening, and so that appreciation is has also um really come about. And again, it's it's due to these South Asian wedding vendors really heavily like implementing this and um planners in this space who are really again putting down those boundaries and creating, you know, these organizational materials, whatever, or kind of restructuring this framework or mindset that people have. It doesn't mean every single couple or client is gonna be like that mother of the groom, but it's really nice to do see that and that it's really appreciated more and more and more and more now.

SPEAKER_00 22:31

Yeah, exactly, exactly. Rima, how do you approach educating vendors or venues without feeling like you're doing extra unpaid labor? Like now at this point, you're paying me as your mentor, or you're not getting paid actually as their mentor. Where do you kind of draw that line?

SPEAKER_01 22:47

I it's so hard because I have struggled with your heart.

SPEAKER_00 22:53

It's so pure. Clearly, you're a third-party educator, so you've got that behind you, but I can imagine that knowing that you want everyone to succeed, that finally I'm giving away way too much and I'm not being saved for all this time that I'm educating and teaching you on.

SPEAKER_01 23:09

Yep. And that I've gotten listen, I've gotten so much better about it. I and honestly, a large part because of the CWP workshops, to be honest, um, where it's like, okay, no, I do need to be firm with even these professional boundaries because I do, um, not just me, but I feel like planners in general were just very giving people and people pleasing. And we want, especially when it's vendors on our team, we want to make sure that they're going to excel, right? Because we're all on a team together. Um, however, that can also quickly snowball into talking with a vendor for hours on the phone and trying to explain things. And I've been there early on and not anymore because I was like, this is not working out for me. It's taking a lot of my time. And where I need to put that into my other couples or things that I have going on, right? Um, so what I now do is that if it's a first-time vendor um after they're contracted, I like to essentially give them basically a program of the wedding events or the wedding ceremony itself, whether it's like a Sikh ceremony, Hindu, Islamic one, whatever it is, I already have my little packets made. And I just send that off to those vendors to give them essentially what is like an overview of the wedding event, significance, kind of like a background of what these events are. And this helps the vendors, at least culturally a little bit, understand what's going on with all of these different things. When we get into the last bit of planning, so the last eight to 10 weeks and doing the final site visit, I go over, I obviously we reiterate those cultural events. We're going over the significance, things like that in detail, but also going over any and all logistics and timelines and just general prep that that vendor and all vendors need to go through. But specifically, I do require vendors if this is their first time taking on a South Asian wedding, I do require them to be at the cell at the site visit because I personally, professionally, feel much better if this vendor's walking through with me. That way I can put them in my shoes a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 25:38

Walk quite literally walk through the map out. Okay, so this is where your prep space is. Yep, where the ballroom is. You see, it took us five minutes to get there. Think about those things when you're thinking about your staffing and how long it's going to take you to set up. I can imagine that's so incredibly helpful.

SPEAKER_01 25:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:55

I would want that as a vendor. I would be like, thank you. I I would want to come in and feel a lot more prepared and ready to take on something, especially if it's my first go-around. I want to be able to do what the best for the way that I can do it. And that does take a lot of prep. So I can imagine having someone like you as a planner. If this is my first time taking on a South Asian wedding, what a benefit that would be if I am willing to listen, if I'm willing to learn and take and absorb and read, not just scan all the information you give me and really take that time. So and that makes a lot of sense.

SPEAKER_01 26:32

Yeah, and and that's honestly key is that I can literally be on your team the weekend of. Yeah. Exactly. Because sometimes it just is so back to back. And that happens for me and my team sometimes too. We're like, cool, I'll have a team member Uber eat something on my phone really quickly while in the middle of events because I can see that okay, we may just not have that time. So let me get at least get some food in here for these guys. So we, whatever downtime we do get, they have food, they're able to eat without worrying about anything else. So it's it's really even, you know, I can't, I can I do that for me and my team, of course, but I can't do that for every single vendor. Yeah, I would love to, but there is so much going on that that's why I like to do this prep work beforehand and then everything reiterated during the final meeting, recap email, and then everything's reflected in the timelines.

SPEAKER_00 28:12

Yeah, exactly. I love that so much. Rema, thank you so much for this incredibly insightful conversation. You've given our listeners so much to think about, not just in terms of understanding South Asian weddings better, but in how we can all show up as more informed, prepared, and respectful professionals for every client we serve. So for those of you who are listening who want to deepen your expertise and truly elevate your planning skills, this is exactly the kind of knowledge and professional development that sets certified wedding planners apart. The CWP Society offers comprehensive certification programs that equip you with the tools, strategies, and competence to handle complex celebrations, whether that's multi-day, South Asian weddings, intimate elopements, or everything in between. If you're ready to join the world's largest community of certified wedding planners and gain the credibility and education that will transform your business, visit us at cwpssociety.com to learn more about becoming certified. Thank you so much for tuning in. And Rima, thank you for always providing us with such wealth of information. We could be here for hours talking about South Asian weddings. So I appreciate you so much.

SPEAKER_01 29:18

Yeah, thank you so much for having me, Chrissy. It's always great to have this conversation with you.