Burnout Isn’t a Badge of Honor With Charity Stilson

Burnout isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s what happens when constant hustle pushes our systems past their limits. In this episode, coach and founder Charity Stilson joins us to rethink the grind, unpack the beliefs that keep entrepreneurs stuck in stress, and explore small mindset shifts that make success sustainable. We talk about stress modes, perfectionism, comparison, and simple tools—like the three-breath reset and pattern interrupts—that help you break the burnout cycle and build a business that supports your life instead of draining it.

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Transcript

Women, Roles, And Constant Busyness

Jennifer Johnson 0:38

Running a business can feel like you're constantly fighting fires. You're struggling and juggling a million tasks and pushing yourself to the limit. And somewhere along the line, many of us start believing that exhaustion is really just part of that entrepreneurial journey. And that if we're not completely drained at the end of the day, we're not working hard enough. How many of us have felt that? But what if I told you that success and successful business owners aren't the ones who are burning themselves into the ground, but they're the ones who have completely mastered a completely different mindset that surrounds energy and it surrounds rest and sustainable success, something that takes you into the long run, the long game with your business. Today, we have the pleasure of having on the show Charity Stilson. She is the owner and founder of her own business that helps women who are feeling stuck, stressed out, and most of all, burned out. We're going to explore how shifting your mindset can be the key to not just surviving as a business owner, but actually thriving in it without burning out. So I am so excited to have you with us today, Charity.

Charity Stilson 1:59

Thank you for inviting me, Jennifer.

Jennifer Johnson 2:01

I I just so want to dive into this topic because specifically as women business owners, you know, a lot of us are moms and we're caregivers and we're all of these other things where we're going 24-7. And if we're not burning out at home, we're burning out at business because we do our business very much like we do being a mom or being a caregiver, right? We're always just on the go.

Charity Stilson 2:25

Very true. All the roles, all the happens all the time, no matter the age of your children or where you're at in your business. It's just how it is.

Slowing Down To Speed Up

Jennifer Johnson 2:34

It's 24-7. Exactly. So I want to start with that mindset. What do you think is the biggest mental shift that business owners can make when it comes to thinking about burnout and thinking about exhaustion and how they should be?

Charity Stilson 2:51

So it's an interesting concept because, you know, as business owners and entrepreneurs and in corporate, it's everything is the grind. Everything is get more and more and more and more done. And yet we really have to slow down to speed up. And it it's hard because we get in our head and we have we are busy and we have to be busy, but we really have to slow down. Right. And the biggest mind shift for me, I think, is really being able to spend some time to just sit with yourself, which is a really hard thing because we're just thinking of all the things that we need to do, you know, and then the emotions that go with sitting down, feeling guilty or, you know, lazy, or I am not doing what I should be doing. And yet, if we take the the time for the little things throughout the day, you know, and reset ourselves, then we can get all the things done and still still have that calm and peace inside ourselves, which I I learned the hard way. You can't keep going and going and going.

Guilt, Rest, And Lost Connection

Jennifer Johnson 3:57

You just bodies we're not meant to do that. You're you're right. But I when you mentioned guilt, I immediately I'm like, huh, yes, right? Because you take five minutes to sit down or or 25 minutes to sit down and watch a TV show, and you're like, oh, I'm so lazy. Yes.

Charity Stilson 4:15

And I think, you know, it always goes to deeper things at the root. You know, why do we believe that we're guilty if we take time to rest? And why as a society have we become, you know, wearing wearing busyness busyness is like this badge of honor. You know, I mean you talk to somebody and you're how are you? Oh, I'm just so busy, you know. Life is just so busy, time just goes by so fast. And that's like the lead of our conversations nowadays. And you know, I was at a little drive-in a couple months ago, and there was this older guy there, and he was going to each table and talking to people that he knew, and it was so funny. He went down and sat down and ate dinner with his wife, and then she left and went out in the car and was waiting for him. And he still went back and was talking to some of these people, and he probably was close to 90, I would bet. And I said to my husband, I said, We have lost that ability to just relax and be and see people and visit. And it instantly reminded me of when I was a young child, I would go to my grandparents during the summer or on the weekends, and my grandpa went to the coffee shop every single day at 10:30. And him and his buddies would just shoot the bull, really. And I remember as a little girl, I had no idea what they were talking about or what field or what farmer or anything, but they took that time out of their day and then they went back to work. You know, they woke up and got their work done, they went and visited, and then they went back to work. And we don't do that, even in lunch. Okay.

Jennifer Johnson 6:08

I had that very similar experience. So my it was my dad. My dad would always go to this coffee shop in town at a certain time. It was probably 10:30, 10, 10:30. He would go sit there, and I remember being really little, and I'm sitting there on the stool. You know, my legs didn't even touch the ground. They probably still don't even touch the ground. I'm I'm rather short, but and I would get a chocolate chip cookie and a glass of water in this red glass. I can still remember it. And he would, we would shoot the crap with his friends. Again, you're right, didn't know what they were talking about, didn't really care because I was happy. But we've lost that. That's the art of conversation, the art of connection that I feel like you're talking about.

Wake-Up Calls And Recovering From Stress

Charity Stilson 6:48

Yes. And you know, they have said that we have an epidemic of loneliness, and we've become so overly connected that we're so disconnected because our brain and our nervous system literally cannot handle that much information. It has got to have some downtime and some connection to the people that are around us, whoever they are.

Jennifer Johnson 7:11

Right. So I'm curious, I in your journey with this, what was the point or the moment that you realized that working to exhaustion really wasn't getting you to where you should be, needed to be, wanted to be? Where was that point? So there were actually two huge pivotal parts or points in my life.

Charity Stilson 7:34

And the first was we were involved in a car accident and I ended up having a neck surgery. And the nurse said, You will need to recover for this long. You can't even lift a gallon of milk. I have small children, and in my mind, I'm like, whatever, I will just push through this. I do not have time for this. And Jennifer, I literally could not take the time to even recover from a surgery.

Jennifer Johnson 8:03

Yes.

Charity Stilson 8:03

And I had all the support I needed. It wasn't that, it was me inside. You know, that energizer bunny inside of always happened to go and do. And I don't know anything about that. And I had the realization that I was really truly addicted to stress. I I had to have that dopamine hit of get something done and look at my to-do list and do all the things. And my life was great. It really was. But I was pushing through, and I I literally could not relax and rest to recover, which of course then it takes longer to recover. So really you're working against yourself, you know. And about 10 years later, during COVID, I had a thermogram, a breast exam, and it did not come back with great results. And, you know, here I am working with people on the connection of the body and the mind, and you know, what are our belief systems? And I knew all of the answers, Jennifer. And I mean, I couldn't do it for myself. And I really had to dig deep in 2020 and look at myself and say, okay, I have to re-evaluate. I can be successful, I can be a great mom, I can be involved, I can do all the things, and I still have to take some time for myself. And the day that this is really kind of funny because the day that I realized I was doing better, because you know, we're like this up and down. We do better and then we kind of slip back, you know. And the day that I realized we were having a little dinner at our house, and usually I'm like rushing and trying to get too much done in the amount of time that I have, my expectations are way too high for myself. I'm so unrealistic a lot of times. And I sat down and I looked at the clock and everything was ready, and it was 30 minutes before everybody was to arrive. And I, it was the biggest thing for me to say, holy cow. Like I can actually sit here and enjoy. And then when dinner comes and all of your guests arrive, you can enjoy the time rather than feeling like you're behind or running to the next thing. So little things but big things in life teach us, teach us our lessons.

Toxic Beliefs And Early Conditioning

Jennifer Johnson 10:26

Absolutely. And and I would have to agree, 2020, the year of COVID, was that for a lot of people where they were able to step back and go, let me reevaluate this, let me see why, you know, let me put all the pieces together and kind of recalibrate. What are some toxic beliefs or thought patterns that you see a lot of business owners still holding on to?

Charity Stilson 10:51

Um, you know, a lot of people talk about imposter syndrome. I don't I don't necessarily use that title with my work. And yet it really is a huge thing at the core, you know, feeling that we're not enough. And most of our belief systems go back to our childhood. You know, when our our brain is at that stage from age zero to seven where it's not fully developed, and we're just taking life in and trying to figure out how life works, and we learn that from our environment, whether that's a healthy or unhealthy. I had a great childhood, and my mom was like crazy busy all the time. Like she was, I don't ever remember her sitting down, and it did catch up to a young age. You know, so a lot of our beliefs go to our young age experience, whether it's at home or at school, like I'm not enough or I need to prove myself. Um a big one is just this sense of responsibility that people feel to, you know, take care of everyone else, especially women. And depending on things that have happened in our life, and it's like, okay, I'm responsible for myself, not responsible for everyone else. And when I'm in a good place, then I can support myself, and then that extends to support everyone else. So I would say not being enough comparison is a huge one.

Good Stress, Bad Stress, And Tribe Mode

Jennifer Johnson 12:20

Yeah, comparisonitis. We've all heard that before, right? Yes. So so you know, you've heard the good stress, the bad stress, and all of that, but how how do you distinguish and know between what's being a productive stress, like, oh, I have to work under this deadline and get this done, and and you know, those things that push you to grow a little bit, and the the the destructive one of stress. How do you distinguish between those two? And how do you so figure that out?

Charity Stilson 12:51

I actually teach um with my clients the three aspects of stress. One is the fight or flight freeze mode, which is what most of us know about, or we're in all the time, you know. And I remember one time, Jennifer going to the doctor, and it was after my mom had passed away, and I had a new baby, and and I was struggling, and they're like, You've got to get rid of some of your stress. And I'm like, what do I get rid of? Like, I I had to look to something else. And you know, the bottom line is we all have stress, good or bad, and we've got to learn how to help our body to respond to it in a healthy way. And so when you really look at stress in three aspects, we've got fight or flight or freeze, which is healthy, you know, and we have to get out of the stress sometimes. The problem is that when we're constantly seeing life and things in our in our life as a trigger, or there's something subconsciously that is triggering that's keeping us in that fight or flight mode, that's when it becomes a negative stress. You know, the second mode is challenge mode. If I'm prepared for something, or say I have a big project and I'm prepared for it, then that is good stress. Like, and you get the endorphins and the dopamine release from accomplishing that stress. You know, I think the biggest thing in that aspect is really being able to be focused in what you're doing. And I teach my clients like, make a box, you know, if you need to put your family in a box while you're working on this project, then put them in the box and focus, and then when you're done, you can take them out. It's a good analogy. Alleviate some of those other stressors because it is something that you need to do and that is good. And in the end, you do get that sense of accomplishment. So I think it's being able to respond to the stress in that aspect rather than reactionary. And then the third mode is actually what I call like tribe mode or tandem befriend. And you can look it up, it's scientific, all of these modes, like they're backed by science. But you know, when we do have stressful situations, we have our tribe, we have our people that are around us, and that's governed by the hormone oxytocin, which actually takes scores all that bad guy down and reverses the effects of that. And we can get through anything if we have a support system. It may not be what we want, it may not be the end result that we want, but we can get through it.

Perfectionism And Realistic Expectations

Jennifer Johnson 15:25

Those are three great points, most certainly. How much does perfectionism play into all of this? Because I I personally I am not a perfectionist. So for me, that world is is uh I'm a getter done kind of girl. That's me, but I know a lot of people who are perfectionists. And how does that play into burnout? I I would have to imagine quite a bit.

Charity Stilson 15:51

I think it's huge. I mean, I'm a recovering perfectionist, and you know, I remember thinking again back to the expectations of myself. They were so high. And I remember talking to a friend one day, and she always seemed more I don't know. I mean, she's a high, high-level stress person, but she had this sense of calm. And I said, How do you do? And she's like, Well, attorney, this is what you do. You have the list of 25 things that you're doing, and I have a list of three things. And when I get those three things done, then I feel accomplished. And that changed my life, you know, realistic expectations of ourselves. But again, Jennifer, we have to go to the core beliefs. You know, why do I feel like I have to be perfect? And again, I said I had a great childhood, but I still remember clear back in first grade. Me and this girl were in competition of who could get our work done the quist quickest, you know, and we had good grades and all those things. And my teacher was very strict, she was an older lady. I didn't get the nice teacher, so to speak. And I remember being in the little parent-teacher conference, and my mom's there, and she pulls out my work, and it has me, you know, not like it was not good work. It was just scribbling through lines because we were racing, and she just said how this was not acceptable. And and I've thought about that a lot, Jennifer. I thought, what was it in me as this little first grader that felt like I had to have the need to be done first and be better? And I was already comparing myself at that age, which knowing what I know kind of uh it blows my mind a little bit because cognitively, you know, our brains aren't to a place where we can think through things, but we learn from our environment. And I think a lot of my things came from school. Like I was always the rule follower, I was the oldest child, you know, I always wanted to do things right, I didn't want to get in trouble, and I think that created my perfectionism as an adult to I don't have to be better than everyone, it's not that, but it's the expectations of doing it right and doing it perfect and and being at the top. It's not healthy.

Awareness And Mind-Body Connection

Jennifer Johnson 18:10

So many similarities. It's crazy because I can remember wanting to be the fastest at schoolwork. And but isn't that interesting how something way back is first grade, you remember that, and that has been something that has been ingrained in your head for this long. Yes, I find that fascinating.

Charity Stilson 20:55

It is it is so interesting, and my clients will say, like, it really goes back to my childhood. Yes, 100%. That's when we're that's when we're figuring out life, we're figuring out how we function in the world, how the world functions, you know, what is safe, what's not, and what is okay and what is not. When do I get in trouble? When am I praised? And that is when we're really forming our beliefs and you know how we view the world and how we think the view the world views us.

Jennifer Johnson 21:25

Right. We're gonna switch into some strategy now. Some strategy around specifically how what specific mindset tools can or or mental strategies, I guess, can help business owners catch this and catch that impending, I I don't want to say doom, but impending burnout before they feel themselves, you know, falling down that slippery slope of overwhelm. What can stop you? So of course the biggest thing is awareness.

Comparison Traps And Social Media

Charity Stilson 22:00

And awareness comes with a couple things. Um, you know, we we try to just look at the physical body or just look at the mental. And we really can't. You really have to combine the two because it's who we are. You can't separate one without the other and and live. You know, so awareness is a huge piece. And uh a big part of my work is the mind-body connection. I'll have clients say, you know, my neck is just really killing me. I think it must be my bed, or I need a new bed, or I need a new pillow, and it's no, you need to look deeper. Like, why is your neck really hurting? You know, I always have low back pain when I'm sitting in this specific meeting or I am so tired all the day, I just drink caffeine to get me through the whole entire day. That is your body saying, Hey, you need to stop and you need to slow down. And our body gives us the signals way before we get to burnout. But we just push through them. But the biggest thing is we can be aware, but as business owners, you know, and we just push through because we've got to get that project finished and get to the next level. And so the first thing I always say is awareness. Now, this is it, this is where I differ with um a lot of coaches and consultants when it comes to mindset. You know, you can sit and tell yourself, I'm happy or I'm gonna have a good day, or this person doesn't bother me, but that subconscious part will overrule the conscious mind every single time. Your internal dialogue. And it is proven scientifically that Bruce Lift and I love to listen to him, but he talks about the subconscious mind, how it works at 40 million bits per second, and conscious mind is only 40 bits per second. So consciously you can say, you know, I'm gonna push through this, I'm happy, I'm having a good day. And subconsciously, again, there's all those belief systems, and your body's really telling you to slow down. So people, this is this is where the the problem lies, is they become aware and then they start to listen, but they really don't have the ability to take action because they're stuck in that stress loop. So you really need to stop, become aware where you're at, where your body's at, but also where your thought process is at.

Jennifer Johnson 24:34

Right. You know, as that internal dialogue that yes, it's on repeat.

Charity Stilson 24:39

Yep. Those neural pathways in our brain become so trodden with those same beliefs that we say every single day. And so I tell my clients, be aware physically. What is my body trying to tell me? Oh, today's a good day. Good. Make sure you're hydrated. Sleep is so important to take care of yourself physically. Then you need to be aware of where your thought process is. Processes. And once you become aware, you'll realize where your thoughts are. You're repeating the same thing all the time. And when you become aware of that negative thought process, whether it's about a boss or writing an email or showing up for your people, whatever it is, become aware of it. Nope, not useful. And think of something positive. And that is called a pattern interrupt. It really truly takes that neural pathway and it stops it and it moves it to something else.

Jennifer Johnson 25:34

I think you cut out there for a second. Oh, did I? You did. You cut out for just a second. I just clipped this so I could say where we where that happened. Um you were saying it's the the neural patterns.

Charity Stilson 25:50

Okay, so like the neural pathways. Yes, neural pathways. Okay. So the neural pathways are where those trodden thoughts continually go every single day. And they are repetitive. You know, when you really think about it, it's the same things that you're thinking, but consciously we don't realize we're thinking it. Oh, I'm just busy and I'm happy and I'm getting through life. And if I just push through, yep, if I just push through and wear that badge, I'll be fine. But subconsciously, what is going on? Right. You know, so you can become aware of the physical body. What is it telling you? You know, uh, do I have headaches every day? Why am I having a headache? Am I dehydrated? Is it sleep? For women, is it hormones? There's so many things that contribute. But then we have to go deeper and look at the connection of the mind also. And where are those thoughts? And how do we help stop them? You know, when we get going down that path, not useful. I'm thinking of something else, and that creates a new pathway. So I I am a big person on mindset and what we focus on expands. And yet we cannot forget the deeper part of the subconscious mind and the connection of the body and the mind. We're missing a huge piece. And it really does keep people stuck.

Reframing Hard Times Into Growth

Jennifer Johnson 27:09

But you know, okay, so you're aware of, you know, the fact that you need to slow down and you need to smell the proverbial roses, right? But there's that fear in people that if I slow down, somebody else is gonna go ahead of me. They're gonna take my place in line, right? And taking breaks, just not good. It's not for me because I just know because I think I'm comparing myself to somebody, right? I think that for me and for a lot of people that I have talked to, it's like if I slow down, someone else is going to be ahead of me or my competitor is gonna be ahead of me, and then they start comparing themselves. So it's like two things in one. How do you push past that part of it? Is that still the rewiring?

Charity Stilson 27:56

Yes, it is the rewiring. Again, being aware of the thought. That thought is not useful. You know, Jennifer, I do the same thing. I think when you are a driven person, you naturally do look at the next person and think, I'm behind. Like, why am I not there already? And we have to really look at our own individual life. Like their story is not my story, their process is not my process. And yes, they may be in the same line of work as you, but how you work with your clients is totally different than how they work with their clients. And I have to remind myself of that. That is one one thing that I do. The other thing is I and I still work on this, we are where we're supposed to be. Yes, you know, why do we feel that need to like I'm in the wrong place? Or, you know, and again, why do we feel behind? What are we comparing ourselves to? And I personally think like it's a natural place to be, but I also think with social media and electronics, it's made it worse because we do have all of this to compare ourselves to. And truthfully, Jennifer, sometimes I just have to unfollow some people so that I don't compare myself to where they're at.

Jennifer Johnson 29:17

It's healthy to do that, right? To be like, no, I can't I can't look at this person anymore because they're always, you know, white picket fence.

Charity Stilson 29:26

Yep, exactly. Exactly. The white picket fence is, and social media is the worst for that. People are putting on their fake selves, their best day, their whatever you want to call it. And we're comparing it to our worst. So we really in that comparison piece, in everything, we're comparing our worst to their best, or we're behind and they're ahead. We don't know where they're at in their career, we don't know where they're at in their trajectory of their journey. We have no idea. And most likely they probably feel the same way we do. Right. It's their story. We don't know their story, we're not living it. Right. I teach, you know, I said this to um one of my clients the other day, a younger um adult. I said, there will always be somebody who's bigger, better, faster, smarter. Always it does not change our value. And Jennifer people have such a hard time with that. They have such a hard time that their value is connected to their accomplishments or how much money they make or the car they drive, or you know, back to all the roles that we play. Yes, we do play a role. But our identity, our characteristics, our own personality traits are what make us good at that role. You take the role away, and I'm still me. And I still have those characteristics. And that's across the board for everyone.

A Simple Daily Reset: Three Breaths

Jennifer Johnson 31:05

That's a great message. Yeah. It is a great message. So, charity, when when we're we're all going to be faced with obstacles in our life, there's gonna always be challenges. Some people view the challenges as opportunities, and others look at it like, how am I ever, I'm never gonna get past this? And they go about it that way. How do you foster that mindset and build that mindset of this opportunity is going to open a door? This is happening for me. It's not happening to me. How do you foster that a little bit more in your day-to-day life?

Rapid-Fire Favorites And Life Lessons

Charity Stilson 31:41

You know, I I have truly lived this. I've had some really, really traumatic hard situations. And, you know, some of them were deaths, some of them were other hard experiences that are more an ongoing thing. And I really it's hard when you're in it, you know, like and I get emotional about it, Jennifer, because when you're in it, like the emotions are so raw. And you really are just like trying to survive day to day, and sometimes you just feel like the world is against you, and yet, you know, I look back at this specific situation, and yeah, I made it through, and I had all those modes of stress, you know. But I really had to get to a point where you know, people are like, sometimes you need to just be grateful for your challenges and your trials and the hard things. And I told my husband, I'm like, I don't know if I can say I'm grateful for those things. I don't know if I will in this lifetime. However, they have changed me for the better because I've learned things. I've learned things about myself, I've learned things about other people. And you know, it is hard when you're in it, but again, when you're really in the thick of it, you just have to really take your resources and use them for what you can. And I my mom taught me as a young child, you know what, when you wake up, you can do your chores with a smile on your face or you can be honored about it. Right. I think again, back to childhood beliefs, you know, that was really ingrained in me. So I was blessed that way. I do try to look at things in that aspect, but we have to be aware of our thought processes. And I think too, when we're really in it and something seems hard, we can always look at something that we have accomplished. And how did I accomplish that? And what did I learn? Okay, if I did that then, I can apply it to now. Totally different situations, but it's the same methodology, it's just having a mindset of okay, let's be realistic about this and look at what I really can accomplish. And what is this moment trying to teach me? Yes, and it's hard.

Jennifer Johnson 34:06

It's hard when you're in it. It is. You don't realize the lesson until you're actually out of it. No, is really the thing because when you're in it, all you can do is survive. And then you look on the outside afterwards and go, that was the lesson. And sometimes it doesn't happen, you know, on a on a certain time level. It could be six months to a year after something happens and you realize the light bulb comes on.

Charity Stilson 34:32

Yeah, and sometimes it's even years later that that's very true. Very true. I had an aha just the other day. I was, you know, because I am not perfect at what I do. I mean, I I constantly am working on these things because we live life. And I have a specific goal that has been hard for me to take action and do some small steps. And all of a sudden I had this final moment. And I text my friend and I said, I think that I'm stuck because of this college professor that I had this final on, and she appeared to be like such this happy, nice person, and she was not, and she totally rejected my final project. And I just laughed, Jennifer. I'm like, okay, A, why would I remember that? That was how many years ago? I don't even know that. I mean, this woman was a professor, but so what is it in my brain? You know, that reticular activating system, an R amygdala of safe or not safe, you know, you propose a project or propose this thing, and it might be met with rejection. Well, yeah, it may. And it may not. Right. But my experience in my brain was, yeah, well, this professor rejected it. It was so, it was such an aha thing.

Jennifer Johnson 35:46

Isn't that awesome when that happens though? You can kind of pinpoint something.

Charity Stilson 35:50

Yes, it is. And our bodies, when we and and back to the point, Jennifer, of taking time, that is when we have those things. When we're stressed and we're in the fight or flight all the time, our intuition and those things do not kick in.

Jennifer Johnson 36:06

Yeah.

Charity Stilson 36:07

Because we're we don't allow it to come in, it's always there. But we have to slow down to allow those things to come in. Right. It makes sense, right? Yes.

Jennifer Johnson 36:18

You know, as as we wrap up here, I know that there's people listening who are feeling completely overwhelmed. They're exhausted right now. Right now they're listening to this and they're just like, I don't know. What is the first mindset shift, number one, that they could make today?

Charity Stilson 36:39

So I teach, I teach little strategies because again, back to the when you're stressed and you're burned out for the typical, you need to do yoga, you need to take time for yourself, get up and exercise more, sleep more. When you're burned out and you're tired, you're already sleeping more. Like those things aren't going to help. And so there's little neurohacks that I do with the brain to help reset that. But the very, very first one that I tell people is before your feet even hit the floor, stop and you take three really deep breaths. And you know, breathing is a bit craze right now, box breathing, this breathing, and and it really is powerful. But you don't have time for all those either. You know, I tried box breathing. Yes, and it works, it's fantastic. But three simple deep breaths into the belly reset the nervous system. Because when you're burned out and you're stressed and you're exhausted, you're waking up already in that state. So if you can wake up before you even hit your feet hit the floor, you take those three deep breaths, that will reset your nervous system. And then I follow up with you need to do it at least five times a day, minimum. So before you get out of bed, before you go to bed, breakfast, lunch, dinner, most of us when we're burned out, don't do lunch or breakfast. We get to five o'clock. So if you're that person and you're to that level, then set a timer on your phone. 10 17 a.m. My timer goes off. Okay, I need to check myself. Where's my thoughts? Where am I at? Where's my fatigue? And take three deep breaths. Because when we're resetting, you know, bagel nerve things are all the range right now, also. Which is very everywhere. Yes, I do see that everywhere. Yes. You know, your vagus nerve is like the switch between your sympathetic fight or flight and parasympathetic emotional calm physical rest. So when we take time to take three deep breaths, we're helping the body be able to switch back and forth instead of staying over here on the gas pedal all the time, which is where we're at when we are in burnout and fatigue and exhaustion. So it's just helping the body to recalibrate and remember like, oh yeah, I can be calm. I don't have to be over here all the time.

Jennifer Johnson 39:07

All right, listeners, three deep breaths. Remember that. Remember that. So we're gonna go into the final four, which are four questions that I ask every guest, and I'm always excited to hear their answers because I always learn something new. Are you ready? Yes. All right. What's your favorite book that you've read and what made it stick with you?

Charity Stilson 39:28

Oh, hands down. Um, so the first book is The Choice. The second book that goes with it is called The Gift, and it's by Edith Eager. Okay. She's a survivor of the Holocaust. The Choice tells her story with little learning lessons. The gift, she actually came to the United States after and became a psychiatrist. And so she breaks the chapter down into points that she uses with her clients tied to her story. And the insight is phenomenal. I tell my clients, they're like, I'm not a reader, I don't care if you're a reader. Like this is a must-read for everyone. I will put that on my list. It's so good, Jennifer. In fact, the choice I've only read once because it's her story, but the gift I've read four times, and you should see how much it's marked up. And I will read it again. And I'm not a person who reads books over and over again.

Jennifer Johnson 40:24

Awesome. Do you have a favorite quote or piece of advice that changed your life?

Charity Stilson 40:31

Yes. So during this hard time that I talked about, I mean, it really was the depths of my soul, everything. And there were certain people, of course, involved with it that were my triggers. And Jennifer, when people would say to me, Don't let them have control over you, like they're winning. That just made me so mad because I'm like, you're telling me I'm weak. Like I am not weak. I'm getting through this. And then one day I read a quote that said, Never ever let anyone or anything steal your inner peace. And that really hit me at a soul level. Like that's what I was letting them do. I wasn't letting them control me because I was still doing all the things, but I was letting them take that inner peace that is within all of us.

Jennifer Johnson 41:24

That's great. What is one habit or practice that's really helped you in your life?

Charity Stilson 41:32

I'm gonna have to say not useful. What I what I teach, because man, I get in the weeds and my thought. I mean, I'm human. We all have those tendencies, those filters that we see through life, our life through. And you really have to say, okay, stop it, not useful. Quit thinking that same thing and think about something else. So divert, divert. Yes, yep.

Jennifer Johnson 41:59

All right, not useful. And if you could have dinner with anyone who is alive or not alive, who would it be and why? Mmm, that one's gonna make me emotional. That'd be my mom.

Charity Stilson 42:12

She's been gone most of my life. Oh, and she was an amazing person. So when you're older and you haven't had that your whole life, yeah, like I know she was amazing. What would her advice be? What would she tell me? Like, why was she amazing?

Jennifer Johnson 42:31

You know, and that's who I was. Wow. I'm gonna cry. That um yeah, I lost my dad last year, and um what I wouldn't give to have dinner with him again, right? Yeah, your perspective changes, you know. It does, it really does, it really does. Well, charity, this has been this has been a wonderful conversation with you. Wonderful.

Charity Stilson 43:01

Thank you. I love talking about all of this.

Jennifer Johnson 43:04

I can tell, I can tell you're very passionate about it, and and that is wonderful. If our listeners would like to get in touch with you, charity, how can they do so?

Charity Stilson 43:14

So I have a website, charitystilson.com, or you can find me on LinkedIn.

Jennifer Johnson 43:20

Fabulous. Thank you so much, Charity, for for blessing us today with your presence.

Charity Stilson 43:26

Thank you so much, Jennifer, for inviting me and having me on the show. Absolutely. And thank you to all of my listeners.