Humanists Take on the World
Humanists Take on the World
28 Buckets
We talk about buckets, a metaphor for physical, emotional, and mental energy.
- The feedback form is at htotw.com/contact
- Leave us a voice message at +1 (208) 996-8667 or htotw.com/speakpipe
- Support the show on a monthly basis with Patreon or just once with PayPal, credit or debit card, Apple Pay, or Google Pay links are at htotw.com/donate
- Subscribe at htotw.com/subscribe
- Join our Discord server at htotw.com/discord
Feedback
- Marcus via Facebook
Support
This episode is brought to you by:
- JS
- Danielle
- Henry K
- Darryl G
- Erica B
- Chuck R
- Arthur K
- Big Easy Blasphemy
- Nathan P
- Samuel C
- Balázs
And by our other patrons and those who want no reward.
Contact information, show notes, and links to Social Media and the like can be found at https://htotw.com
The music in this episode is:
Welcome to the Show by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4614-welcome-to-the-show
License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license
NewsSting by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4124-newssting
License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license
Ditty Pong by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4676-ditty-pong
License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license
Disco Sting by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3653-disco-sting
License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license
Sweeter Vermouth by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/4450-sweeter-vermouth
License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license
Full shownotes can always be found at https://htotw.com/28
[00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.720] Humanists take on the world, episode 28.
[00:00:02.720 --> 00:00:04.200] Buckets.
[00:00:04.200 --> 00:00:09.680] [music]
[00:00:09.680 --> 00:00:11.840] Welcome to the episode of Few minutes take on the world.
[00:00:11.840 --> 00:00:14.000] I am Dustin and joining me is Lauren.
[00:00:14.000 --> 00:00:15.000] Lou!
[00:00:15.000 --> 00:00:16.640] Alright, so...
[00:00:16.640 --> 00:00:21.240] This is a topic that we'll give to in just a little bit.
[00:00:21.240 --> 00:00:25.240] First, we have some feedback from the last episode that's worth covering.
[00:00:25.240 --> 00:00:26.720] And...
[00:00:26.720 --> 00:00:28.240] Also...
[00:00:29.120 --> 00:00:30.800] Stitcher is discontinuing.
[00:00:30.800 --> 00:00:33.040] So if you still use that...
[00:00:33.040 --> 00:00:33.840] What was the broken link?
[00:00:33.840 --> 00:00:34.840] Was that...
[00:00:34.840 --> 00:00:36.680] Was that the one with the broken link that you had forever?
[00:00:36.680 --> 00:00:37.840] No.
[00:00:37.840 --> 00:00:38.320] Oh, okay.
[00:00:38.320 --> 00:00:40.320] What is Stitcher?
[00:00:40.320 --> 00:00:42.280] Stitcher is a podcast app.
[00:00:42.280 --> 00:00:43.000] Oh, it's the...
[00:00:43.000 --> 00:00:44.480] Yeah, it's a podcast grabber.
[00:00:44.480 --> 00:00:48.640] And it was the second most popular for a very long time.
[00:00:48.640 --> 00:00:50.560] Bought and then...
[00:00:50.560 --> 00:00:52.400] discontinued or...
[00:00:52.400 --> 00:00:55.760] Bought by Sirius XM and it's being merged in with Pandora.
[00:00:55.760 --> 00:00:56.280] Oh.
[00:00:56.280 --> 00:00:57.680] Oh, okay.
[00:00:58.680 --> 00:01:00.680] If you still use it,
[00:01:00.680 --> 00:01:03.680] you probably won't be hearing this episode.
[00:01:03.680 --> 00:01:07.680] So switch off to something else.
[00:01:07.680 --> 00:01:08.680] [laughs]
[00:01:08.680 --> 00:01:11.680] Is the Pandora thing not picking it up or what?
[00:01:11.680 --> 00:01:14.680] They are not transitioning people over.
[00:01:14.680 --> 00:01:18.680] It requires manual export of your subscription list.
[00:01:18.680 --> 00:01:20.680] Okay, so pay attention.
[00:01:20.680 --> 00:01:21.680] Yes.
[00:01:21.680 --> 00:01:22.680] Oh, fun.
[00:01:22.680 --> 00:01:26.680] And the feedback/ elaboration/correction.
[00:01:27.680 --> 00:01:34.680] Because when we were talking about evangelicals in the last episode,
[00:01:34.680 --> 00:01:37.680] and you asked about black evangelicals,
[00:01:37.680 --> 00:01:44.680] I was woefully unprepared to talk about black evangelicals.
[00:01:44.680 --> 00:01:46.680] Wait, wait, wait, what?
[00:01:46.680 --> 00:01:51.680] A white dude in suburban America is unprepared to talk about black people?
[00:01:51.680 --> 00:01:53.680] Shock.
[00:01:53.680 --> 00:01:55.680] Literally shocked.
[00:01:55.680 --> 00:01:56.680] In particular.
[00:01:56.680 --> 00:01:57.680] I know.
[00:01:57.680 --> 00:02:01.680] In particular on that, it was that the focus...
[00:02:01.680 --> 00:02:07.680] When it comes to trying to talk about any topic,
[00:02:07.680 --> 00:02:11.680] I intentionally tried to narrow that to white evangelicals.
[00:02:11.680 --> 00:02:14.680] But Lauren, you wouldn't let me.
[00:02:14.680 --> 00:02:17.680] I'm sorry, it's kind of a point.
[00:02:17.680 --> 00:02:20.680] So fortunately, Marcus to the rescue.
[00:02:20.680 --> 00:02:21.680] Yay, hey, this...
[00:02:21.680 --> 00:02:23.680] With a...
[00:02:23.680 --> 00:02:25.680] With a message saying,
[00:02:25.680 --> 00:02:26.680] Hi, Dustin.
[00:02:26.680 --> 00:02:29.680] I listened to your recent episode of HTOTW
[00:02:29.680 --> 00:02:31.680] about what is an evangelical.
[00:02:31.680 --> 00:02:33.680] It was a fantastic show, by the way.
[00:02:33.680 --> 00:02:37.680] If I may, I would like to give my own anecdotal input on black Protestants
[00:02:37.680 --> 00:02:39.680] and how they differ from white evangelicals.
[00:02:39.680 --> 00:02:42.680] My mother's family is highly religious,
[00:02:42.680 --> 00:02:44.680] including uncles and cousins who are pastors.
[00:02:44.680 --> 00:02:46.680] They fit the standard model of Christian,
[00:02:46.680 --> 00:02:48.680] who lean liberal/democrat.
[00:02:48.680 --> 00:02:51.680] I'd say it goes back to the days of slavery
[00:02:51.680 --> 00:02:54.680] when Lincoln's Republican Party bought for their freedoms
[00:02:54.680 --> 00:02:56.680] and on to the modern Democratic Party,
[00:02:56.680 --> 00:02:59.680] after the Civil Rights Act was passed.
[00:02:59.680 --> 00:03:03.680] Black Protestants know what it's like to be marginalized
[00:03:03.680 --> 00:03:05.680] and treated as second-class citizens,
[00:03:05.680 --> 00:03:07.680] so the Jesus that they worship
[00:03:07.680 --> 00:03:09.680] understandably advocates for civil rights and equality.
[00:03:09.680 --> 00:03:11.680] Add to the fight, in modern times,
[00:03:11.680 --> 00:03:14.680] a woman's right to her own health care choices
[00:03:14.680 --> 00:03:16.680] and LGBTQ rights.
[00:03:16.680 --> 00:03:20.680] Just like a Reverend Ralph Warnock,
[00:03:20.680 --> 00:03:22.680] clearly a man dedicated to his faith,
[00:03:22.680 --> 00:03:23.680] but he doesn't use it for bigotry,
[00:03:23.680 --> 00:03:26.680] but instead the rights that I previously mentioned.
[00:03:26.680 --> 00:03:30.680] Just my thoughts and personal experiences with the Black Church.
[00:03:30.680 --> 00:03:32.680] Great show and keep up the good work.
[00:03:32.680 --> 00:03:34.680] Thank you.
[00:03:34.680 --> 00:03:36.680] Thank you very much for that.
[00:03:36.680 --> 00:03:40.680] That reinforces that I was on the right track
[00:03:40.680 --> 00:03:43.680] because what I was seeing was that Black churches,
[00:03:43.680 --> 00:03:49.680] Black evangelicals often are separated out in demographics
[00:03:49.680 --> 00:03:51.680] if you're talking about anything political
[00:03:51.680 --> 00:03:55.680] because they are a completely different entity.
[00:03:55.680 --> 00:03:57.680] A different political group completely.
[00:03:57.680 --> 00:04:00.680] And trending towards mainline Protestant.
[00:04:00.680 --> 00:04:02.680] They will never be mainline Protestant,
[00:04:02.680 --> 00:04:06.680] except for the African Episcopal Methodist Church.
[00:04:06.680 --> 00:04:11.680] That one actually does sometimes get counted as mainline Protestant.
[00:04:11.680 --> 00:04:15.680] It's fascinating.
[00:04:15.680 --> 00:04:20.680] All right, so we are going to move on to our main topic, buckets.
[00:04:20.680 --> 00:04:21.680] Fucking buckets.
[00:04:21.680 --> 00:04:36.680] All right, so for a refresher or if you missed that episode
[00:04:36.680 --> 00:04:39.680] or have started listening more recently,
[00:04:39.680 --> 00:04:44.680] Lauren has a sleep disorder called idiopathic hypersomnia.
[00:04:44.680 --> 00:04:46.680] In case you missed it.
[00:04:46.680 --> 00:04:48.680] Jeez.
[00:04:48.680 --> 00:04:54.680] It is like type 2 narcolepsy, but it's not type 2 narcolepsy
[00:04:54.680 --> 00:04:56.680] for the simplest description.
[00:04:56.680 --> 00:05:02.680] So without medication, Lauren sleeps 14 to 16 hours a day
[00:05:02.680 --> 00:05:04.680] and has no energy the rest of the day.
[00:05:04.680 --> 00:05:07.680] With medication, it's much better.
[00:05:07.680 --> 00:05:10.680] Yeah, I mean, all the function.
[00:05:10.680 --> 00:05:14.680] But mostly function, there's a lot I can't do,
[00:05:14.680 --> 00:05:18.680] but we've moved the lifestyle around enough that it appears
[00:05:18.680 --> 00:05:21.680] that I am on top of things, for the most part.
[00:05:21.680 --> 00:05:25.680] And several years ago, it was, if I asked Lauren how she was doing,
[00:05:25.680 --> 00:05:27.680] she would just say tired.
[00:05:27.680 --> 00:05:31.680] And I quickly started to figure out that doesn't mean anything.
[00:05:31.680 --> 00:05:34.680] When the answer is always tired,
[00:05:34.680 --> 00:05:37.680] then tired does not provide information.
[00:05:37.680 --> 00:05:40.680] No, it loses all meaning.
[00:05:40.680 --> 00:05:45.680] And also, since I'm a healthy, neurotypical person without a sleep disorder,
[00:05:45.680 --> 00:05:52.680] what tired means to me is not what tired means to Lauren.
[00:05:52.680 --> 00:05:55.680] At that point, I hadn't even really thought out the vocabulary
[00:05:55.680 --> 00:05:58.680] to describe what kind of tired I was.
[00:05:58.680 --> 00:06:01.680] Like, that took work to sit down and think, okay,
[00:06:01.680 --> 00:06:04.680] when I tell him tired, he's getting frustrated.
[00:06:04.680 --> 00:06:06.680] Because I say that every day, how are you doing?
[00:06:06.680 --> 00:06:07.680] I'm tired.
[00:06:07.680 --> 00:06:09.680] Well, yeah, you're always tired.
[00:06:09.680 --> 00:06:11.680] You are correct.
[00:06:11.680 --> 00:06:14.680] That is not helpful pertinent information.
[00:06:14.680 --> 00:06:17.680] So that's when I wrote down a, it was basically a wheel,
[00:06:17.680 --> 00:06:19.680] where tired is in the middle.
[00:06:19.680 --> 00:06:20.680] That's the go to.
[00:06:20.680 --> 00:06:22.680] Yeah, I'm always tired, but what kind of tired is it?
[00:06:22.680 --> 00:06:23.680] Is it physical?
[00:06:23.680 --> 00:06:24.680] Is it mental?
[00:06:24.680 --> 00:06:26.680] Is it emotional?
[00:06:26.680 --> 00:06:29.680] And then that's when we kind of came up with the idea that,
[00:06:29.680 --> 00:06:32.680] besides just using a better vocabulary,
[00:06:32.680 --> 00:06:35.680] because there's a lot of words for tired,
[00:06:35.680 --> 00:06:40.680] splitting those into categories to better explain this to my
[00:06:40.680 --> 00:06:43.680] daughter became really important.
[00:06:43.680 --> 00:06:44.680] Yes.
[00:06:44.680 --> 00:06:49.680] And we came up with the idea of buckets to describe it.
[00:06:49.680 --> 00:06:52.680] And is the bucket full or empty?
[00:06:52.680 --> 00:06:54.680] And there's several buckets.
[00:06:54.680 --> 00:06:57.680] So like, for me as a typical person,
[00:06:57.680 --> 00:07:01.680] I really have one energy bucket.
[00:07:01.680 --> 00:07:03.680] It's full or it's empty.
[00:07:03.680 --> 00:07:05.680] It's usually not empty.
[00:07:05.680 --> 00:07:08.680] And then when it is empty, you're ready for bed and you go to sleep
[00:07:08.680 --> 00:07:10.680] and you feel better in the morning.
[00:07:10.680 --> 00:07:11.680] Like most people.
[00:07:11.680 --> 00:07:13.680] Yes, but for you, that's not how it works.
[00:07:13.680 --> 00:07:14.680] Not at all.
[00:07:14.680 --> 00:07:19.680] Also anxiety and depression play into it as well.
[00:07:19.680 --> 00:07:21.680] And those core co-morbidities.
[00:07:21.680 --> 00:07:25.680] Yeah, because you can be physically exhausted, but incredibly anxious.
[00:07:25.680 --> 00:07:27.680] And that looks different.
[00:07:27.680 --> 00:07:28.680] Yeah.
[00:07:28.680 --> 00:07:31.680] Than being very chill.
[00:07:31.680 --> 00:07:36.680] And still having, but not having the energy to do what you want to do.
[00:07:36.680 --> 00:07:42.680] So, which was, you know, those were both very real everyday occurrences.
[00:07:42.680 --> 00:07:47.680] And that was also all during a time period when we were trying to figure out
[00:07:47.680 --> 00:07:53.680] the right medication combination to balance the hypersomnia,
[00:07:53.680 --> 00:07:55.680] anxiety and depression.
[00:07:55.680 --> 00:07:56.680] Yeah.
[00:07:56.680 --> 00:07:58.680] And not get too many interactions.
[00:07:58.680 --> 00:07:59.680] And it was.
[00:07:59.680 --> 00:08:02.680] Yeah, but having like, what was this?
[00:08:02.680 --> 00:08:04.680] How old was Kayla at that point?
[00:08:04.680 --> 00:08:05.680] Two?
[00:08:05.680 --> 00:08:06.680] Three years old?
[00:08:06.680 --> 00:08:07.680] Three?
[00:08:07.680 --> 00:08:11.680] She kept wanting to play and I kept telling her I was too tired
[00:08:11.680 --> 00:08:13.680] and she didn't understand what that meant.
[00:08:13.680 --> 00:08:17.680] At this point, Dustin was starting to figure out what I meant by tired.
[00:08:17.680 --> 00:08:23.680] Um, I could usually use words that he understood at that point.
[00:08:23.680 --> 00:08:28.680] Like, sleepy or physically weak or just anxious.
[00:08:28.680 --> 00:08:29.680] Or sad.
[00:08:29.680 --> 00:08:32.680] Like you had to expand on it.
[00:08:32.680 --> 00:08:36.680] But to three year old who wants to just play with her mom, that didn't make any sense.
[00:08:36.680 --> 00:08:39.680] We had to categorize it in a way.
[00:08:39.680 --> 00:08:42.680] Use a metaphor that a little kid would understand.
[00:08:42.680 --> 00:08:44.680] And that's when buckets were born.
[00:08:44.680 --> 00:08:49.680] And so there's a physical energy bucket.
[00:08:49.680 --> 00:08:52.680] How much energy do you have to perform a physical task?
[00:08:52.680 --> 00:08:55.680] Whether it is walking or showering.
[00:08:55.680 --> 00:09:01.680] Whether it is actually doing lifting weights or pushing a shopping cart.
[00:09:01.680 --> 00:09:03.680] Um, driving.
[00:09:03.680 --> 00:09:06.680] There's a lot of physical stuff that's going to go.
[00:09:06.680 --> 00:09:08.680] How much can you do?
[00:09:08.680 --> 00:09:09.680] Yep.
[00:09:09.680 --> 00:09:16.680] Then there's the sleepiness or wakefulness bucket, which is a separate one.
[00:09:16.680 --> 00:09:20.680] You can be sleepy and not tired or tired and not sleepy.
[00:09:20.680 --> 00:09:21.680] Yeah.
[00:09:21.680 --> 00:09:24.680] Um, I call that my, my mental bucket.
[00:09:24.680 --> 00:09:26.680] So for, for Kylie's metaphor, there was three.
[00:09:26.680 --> 00:09:28.680] There was physical, mental and emotional.
[00:09:28.680 --> 00:09:29.680] Yeah.
[00:09:29.680 --> 00:09:31.680] And it's a tripod.
[00:09:31.680 --> 00:09:36.680] And as long as they're all in balance, you're usually, even if you're not doing great, you're
[00:09:36.680 --> 00:09:37.680] stable.
[00:09:37.680 --> 00:09:42.680] Uh, if one gets knocked out for some reason, if it empties too soon, then the other two
[00:09:42.680 --> 00:09:45.680] are also going to be off kilter.
[00:09:45.680 --> 00:09:47.680] Spill become empty earlier.
[00:09:47.680 --> 00:09:50.680] You know, whatever, however the metaphor works.
[00:09:50.680 --> 00:09:55.680] Uh, yeah, the men, the mental ability, executive function ability.
[00:09:55.680 --> 00:09:56.680] Yep.
[00:09:56.680 --> 00:09:57.680] It was its own bucket.
[00:09:57.680 --> 00:10:02.680] So there are times where I had the physical ability to go for a walk, but I could not, cannot
[00:10:02.680 --> 00:10:07.680] play pretend because I can't come up with the next phrase or prompt.
[00:10:07.680 --> 00:10:12.680] Well, you may even have the physical energy to go for a walk, but not the, your mental
[00:10:12.680 --> 00:10:14.680] bucket might be too empty to decide where to go.
[00:10:14.680 --> 00:10:15.680] Yep.
[00:10:15.680 --> 00:10:19.680] I'll stand there at the doorway and I will not move because I can't choose, uh, what to do
[00:10:19.680 --> 00:10:20.680] next.
[00:10:20.680 --> 00:10:23.680] So that happens a lot.
[00:10:23.680 --> 00:10:25.680] Grocery store trips are hilarious.
[00:10:25.680 --> 00:10:30.680] I get a lot of steps in going back and forth across the store because my executive function
[00:10:30.680 --> 00:10:33.680] is just not up to parse.
[00:10:33.680 --> 00:10:40.680] I have the physical energy to do it, but I do not have the mental ability to go in a correct
[00:10:40.680 --> 00:10:42.680] order or check things off the list.
[00:10:42.680 --> 00:10:44.680] And then there's the emotional bucket.
[00:10:44.680 --> 00:10:49.960] And that was one that was, it's easier for me to explain as, you know, stereotypical woman
[00:10:49.960 --> 00:10:56.560] who when I get really emotionally upset, I cry.
[00:10:56.560 --> 00:10:57.560] It happens.
[00:10:57.560 --> 00:10:59.360] I'm a crier.
[00:10:59.360 --> 00:11:02.640] And so if something really, there was a time there where Kylie was going to have to get
[00:11:02.640 --> 00:11:07.040] used to me crying because my emotional bucket was empty and I couldn't handle the next
[00:11:07.040 --> 00:11:08.200] emotional hit.
[00:11:08.200 --> 00:11:09.200] Yeah.
[00:11:09.200 --> 00:11:12.280] So yeah, those were the, the three big ones.
[00:11:12.280 --> 00:11:21.320] I would consider my wakefulness to be a theoretical fourth bucket because there are, I could be
[00:11:21.320 --> 00:11:23.960] empty on all of them.
[00:11:23.960 --> 00:11:27.560] And that clearly affects my wakefulness.
[00:11:27.560 --> 00:11:31.160] I could be full on all of them in the morning, about 10 o'clock in the morning.
[00:11:31.160 --> 00:11:37.840] I'm usually pretty good, but if I had bad sleep for the past week, it doesn't do me any
[00:11:37.840 --> 00:11:42.040] good because it knocks everything else all out off kilter again.
[00:11:42.040 --> 00:11:43.880] So yeah.
[00:11:43.880 --> 00:11:49.920] And if, if you, I find it three to be very helpful for a lot of people.
[00:11:49.920 --> 00:11:50.920] Yeah.
[00:11:50.920 --> 00:11:57.960] The, my theoretical fourth one is specifically for people who are, have problems with sleep,
[00:11:57.960 --> 00:12:01.920] sleep and wakefulness that works for those people.
[00:12:01.920 --> 00:12:09.640] But for everybody has this trifecta of how they can, how stable they are, whether they
[00:12:09.640 --> 00:12:17.160] are the mental acuity, physical prowess or a emotional stability that everybody has those,
[00:12:17.160 --> 00:12:22.000] a normal person by the end of the day, their buckets are getting kind of empty.
[00:12:22.000 --> 00:12:26.240] They've been leaking all day and they start to get maybe a little grumpy or maybe they're
[00:12:26.240 --> 00:12:27.840] not able to think as clearly.
[00:12:27.840 --> 00:12:31.080] A lot of people have that.
[00:12:31.080 --> 00:12:32.080] And then you go to sleep.
[00:12:32.080 --> 00:12:34.840] And then you go to sleep and then the next morning it's all full.
[00:12:34.840 --> 00:12:38.640] I go to sleep and the next morning I've gotten a couple drops back maybe.
[00:12:38.640 --> 00:12:39.640] Yeah.
[00:12:39.640 --> 00:12:44.040] Depending on the day, you can even wake up with empty buckets.
[00:12:44.040 --> 00:12:46.440] So that's, that's, those really suck.
[00:12:46.440 --> 00:12:47.440] Yeah.
[00:12:47.440 --> 00:12:54.560] One of the defining characteristics of idiopathic hypersomnia is the non restorative sleep.
[00:12:54.560 --> 00:12:55.560] Yeah.
[00:12:55.560 --> 00:13:01.080] One, which is so funny that one of the biggest things that you're told is if you need to
[00:13:01.080 --> 00:13:02.880] take a nap, take a nap.
[00:13:02.880 --> 00:13:08.680] And all I want to do is yell and scream and throw a fit because naps don't help.
[00:13:08.680 --> 00:13:17.920] All I've done is waste two hours or three or four or five because naps don't work.
[00:13:17.920 --> 00:13:22.080] They will take you out of situations and give you the break that you may need away from
[00:13:22.080 --> 00:13:27.280] stimulus, but they will not restore you.
[00:13:27.280 --> 00:13:35.560] And realistically, you probably got the most benefit out of naps when you, when your emotional
[00:13:35.560 --> 00:13:40.760] bucket was in play a lot more that it could help reset that somewhat.
[00:13:40.760 --> 00:13:41.760] Yeah.
[00:13:41.760 --> 00:13:47.520] I wouldn't get my wakefulness back, but it would help maybe help stabilize emotion or
[00:13:47.520 --> 00:13:50.720] physical or the mental bucket barely.
[00:13:50.720 --> 00:13:56.520] But yeah, it's mostly just the break from stimulus that is, is most needed.
[00:13:56.520 --> 00:13:59.720] Calling it a nap isn't even right anymore.
[00:13:59.720 --> 00:14:00.720] Yeah.
[00:14:00.720 --> 00:14:04.400] But I was explaining this theory to a friend of mine who has long COVID.
[00:14:04.400 --> 00:14:08.760] She's got fatigue that she can't describe to other people.
[00:14:08.760 --> 00:14:10.840] She couldn't find the words for it.
[00:14:10.840 --> 00:14:15.520] And they were also getting frustrated with her after six months of her saying, how are
[00:14:15.520 --> 00:14:16.520] you doing?
[00:14:16.520 --> 00:14:17.520] How are you?
[00:14:17.520 --> 00:14:18.520] How are things?
[00:14:18.520 --> 00:14:21.920] I'm tired and people get more heel sick of that because they, they think you're trying
[00:14:21.920 --> 00:14:25.040] to be like, throw a pity party when it has nothing to do with it.
[00:14:25.040 --> 00:14:27.920] It's, and they don't want, you don't want pity because you're tired.
[00:14:27.920 --> 00:14:29.480] You're just explaining.
[00:14:29.480 --> 00:14:31.280] I'm tired.
[00:14:31.280 --> 00:14:35.600] So I explained to her, you know, come up with your own vocabulary for tired.
[00:14:35.600 --> 00:14:38.360] Are you physically tired mentally, emotionally?
[00:14:38.360 --> 00:14:44.960] Use the buckets as a metaphor for people saying, you know, I'm, you know, physically
[00:14:44.960 --> 00:14:47.360] I'm still pretty shattered.
[00:14:47.360 --> 00:14:50.360] But you know, emotionally I've been doing pretty good today.
[00:14:50.360 --> 00:14:52.800] That actually gives them something to go on.
[00:14:52.800 --> 00:14:56.800] That tells them, oh, so we can maybe talk and you won't break down cry today.
[00:14:56.800 --> 00:14:57.800] Yay.
[00:14:57.800 --> 00:15:05.920] Or, oh, your mental buckets low today, maybe I shouldn't talk about complicated or overly,
[00:15:05.920 --> 00:15:08.520] overly complex ideas.
[00:15:08.520 --> 00:15:14.280] That gives people other people an idea of where you're at in a way that I'm tired, doesn't
[00:15:14.280 --> 00:15:16.480] really get the point across anymore.
[00:15:16.480 --> 00:15:19.520] And I know there's a lot of people suffering from long COVID.
[00:15:19.520 --> 00:15:23.360] So it's, it's, it was a nice idea.
[00:15:23.360 --> 00:15:29.880] I don't remember if I, where I heard it from or where, who came up with it, but oh, I remember
[00:15:29.880 --> 00:15:32.480] it was for little kids.
[00:15:32.480 --> 00:15:34.640] The emotional bucket was for little kids.
[00:15:34.640 --> 00:15:39.160] Now in the book for little kids, they're only talking about the one bucket.
[00:15:39.160 --> 00:15:43.240] And it's just a way of explaining to kids that throughout the day, if you have a fight
[00:15:43.240 --> 00:15:46.560] with a friend, that's a scoop of water out of your bucket.
[00:15:46.560 --> 00:15:51.280] If you have a fight with your parents, there's another scoop of water out of your bucket.
[00:15:51.280 --> 00:15:55.360] By the end of the day, you may be empty and you might have a tantrum.
[00:15:55.360 --> 00:15:57.440] You might have an emotional meltdown.
[00:15:57.440 --> 00:16:00.760] So what are things that you can do to help restore your bucket throughout the day?
[00:16:00.760 --> 00:16:04.640] What are things that you can talk to your parents about to help them know when you are
[00:16:04.640 --> 00:16:06.200] empty?
[00:16:06.200 --> 00:16:09.280] Or if something is particularly taxing?
[00:16:09.280 --> 00:16:13.520] Because some parents may not realize that some off-handed comment that they just made
[00:16:13.520 --> 00:16:16.520] just was another scoop out of their kid's bucket.
[00:16:16.520 --> 00:16:19.280] So this was, it was a really, I can't remember the name of the book, but it was a really
[00:16:19.280 --> 00:16:20.280] good idea.
[00:16:20.280 --> 00:16:26.240] And I'm like, well, that's cool, but that doesn't really describe the more complex issues an
[00:16:26.240 --> 00:16:27.240] adult's have.
[00:16:27.240 --> 00:16:30.160] It's not just one bucket, it's more three or four.
[00:16:30.160 --> 00:16:32.840] So yeah, I like the metaphor.
[00:16:32.840 --> 00:16:41.480] It seems to illustrate it more clearly because what I have is an invisible disability where
[00:16:41.480 --> 00:16:44.880] I can go out and about and I look fine.
[00:16:44.880 --> 00:16:49.120] But when I have to tell people I can't work a job because I'm not sure if I can drive
[00:16:49.120 --> 00:16:52.560] in because I'm too tired, like they get confused.
[00:16:52.560 --> 00:16:54.720] They're like, but you drove here, you're fine.
[00:16:54.720 --> 00:16:56.840] It's like, ah, I did drive here.
[00:16:56.840 --> 00:17:00.840] I've got my husband on speed dial just in case I can't drive home.
[00:17:00.840 --> 00:17:05.040] Like there are things in my life that I've had to change and adapt.
[00:17:05.040 --> 00:17:07.720] It makes stuff like work impossible.
[00:17:07.720 --> 00:17:11.560] And that's, you have to come up with ways to explain it to people.
[00:17:11.560 --> 00:17:12.560] Yeah.
[00:17:12.560 --> 00:17:20.440] Reliably being able to get Kylie to school in the morning and pick her up when that's
[00:17:20.440 --> 00:17:21.960] a mile and a half away.
[00:17:21.960 --> 00:17:22.960] Oh, yeah.
[00:17:22.960 --> 00:17:24.880] It's a stone throws away.
[00:17:24.880 --> 00:17:29.280] That is very different than having to drive across town.
[00:17:29.280 --> 00:17:30.280] Yeah.
[00:17:30.280 --> 00:17:33.920] There are parents who have to drive across town to get their kids from school, whether
[00:17:33.920 --> 00:17:36.800] they work across town or they put them in different district.
[00:17:36.800 --> 00:17:38.200] I couldn't do it.
[00:17:38.200 --> 00:17:39.840] I can't do that.
[00:17:39.840 --> 00:17:40.840] We would.
[00:17:40.840 --> 00:17:41.840] I don't know what we would do.
[00:17:41.840 --> 00:17:45.600] It wasn't for the fact that her school is just five minutes away.
[00:17:45.600 --> 00:17:51.880] And I know that for school pickup in the afternoon, I've got so many alarms set.
[00:17:51.880 --> 00:17:57.480] Because if I find myself 20 minutes away and school pickup is now, like the second day
[00:17:57.480 --> 00:18:04.520] of school happened, my mental ability to tell time, my internal clock is shot.
[00:18:04.520 --> 00:18:05.920] I don't know what time it is.
[00:18:05.920 --> 00:18:11.960] If I'm not constantly checking my watch, I could accidentally end up somewhere half
[00:18:11.960 --> 00:18:13.840] hour away and not even realize it.
[00:18:13.840 --> 00:18:15.520] It's time to go pick my kid up.
[00:18:15.520 --> 00:18:19.760] So those are just more examples of those lifestyle changes I have to do.
[00:18:19.760 --> 00:18:20.760] I block it.
[00:18:20.760 --> 00:18:24.480] I'm going to have to start blocking out the whole like hour before school pickup just
[00:18:24.480 --> 00:18:25.480] to make sure I'm there.
[00:18:25.480 --> 00:18:29.120] I guess it's too easy to get distracted.
[00:18:29.120 --> 00:18:34.480] I don't have the mental acuity to focus and say, Hey, there's something really important
[00:18:34.480 --> 00:18:35.480] coming up.
[00:18:35.480 --> 00:18:36.480] I'm going to address that.
[00:18:36.480 --> 00:18:41.960] Now I'm going to go look at this third thrift store or whatever.
[00:18:41.960 --> 00:18:43.400] It's it's difficult.
[00:18:43.400 --> 00:18:45.360] Yeah.
[00:18:45.360 --> 00:18:55.000] And this episode isn't necessarily a typical episode that we would do topic wise.
[00:18:55.000 --> 00:19:01.280] It is very much an important part of the human experience.
[00:19:01.280 --> 00:19:03.080] And thus I think.
[00:19:03.080 --> 00:19:07.280] How many people are out there in peak physical and mental condition right now?
[00:19:07.280 --> 00:19:08.280] Yeah.
[00:19:08.280 --> 00:19:09.280] Oh, I'm sorry.
[00:19:09.280 --> 00:19:10.480] Were those crickets?
[00:19:10.480 --> 00:19:11.980] Yeah.
[00:19:11.980 --> 00:19:14.560] Everybody deals with problems.
[00:19:14.560 --> 00:19:18.680] Mine isn't even that severe on the severity scale.
[00:19:18.680 --> 00:19:20.400] I have functioning limbs.
[00:19:20.400 --> 00:19:25.240] I have a functioning heart and brain kind of.
[00:19:25.240 --> 00:19:29.440] But everybody has their invisible disability sometimes.
[00:19:29.440 --> 00:19:35.080] And when you have to deal with it every day, you come up with terms or metaphors of vocabulary
[00:19:35.080 --> 00:19:37.400] that helps explain it.
[00:19:37.400 --> 00:19:42.760] And but for people who are expected to be in peak physical or mental condition and they
[00:19:42.760 --> 00:19:46.680] just aren't have a really hard time explaining that away.
[00:19:46.680 --> 00:19:47.680] It's impossible.
[00:19:47.680 --> 00:19:50.400] And I have you should be fine.
[00:19:50.400 --> 00:19:52.040] It's but I'm not.
[00:19:52.040 --> 00:19:56.480] And I have said on the mentioned on the show that my a couple don't remember which episode
[00:19:56.480 --> 00:20:01.000] but not too many back credit pets.
[00:20:01.000 --> 00:20:06.440] Been a while that my creative bucket has been empty.
[00:20:06.440 --> 00:20:10.200] It's a term I've found very useful to describe that.
[00:20:10.200 --> 00:20:11.200] Yeah.
[00:20:11.200 --> 00:20:16.000] My creative bucket empty doesn't affect my day to day functioning.
[00:20:16.000 --> 00:20:18.720] It doesn't affect my ability to do my day job.
[00:20:18.720 --> 00:20:21.280] It doesn't affect my ability to take care of my family.
[00:20:21.280 --> 00:20:24.560] It doesn't affect physical or anything else.
[00:20:24.560 --> 00:20:31.880] But it requires I'm finding it requires all of the other buckets to be full.
[00:20:31.880 --> 00:20:36.560] And but and even though you say it doesn't affect you, it does affect your mental health.
[00:20:36.560 --> 00:20:37.760] It does affect your.
[00:20:37.760 --> 00:20:38.760] Yeah.
[00:20:38.760 --> 00:20:42.760] Eventually, I don't like to use the word happy because happiness is arbitrary.
[00:20:42.760 --> 00:20:45.960] It's almost as bad as sleepy or tired.
[00:20:45.960 --> 00:20:48.120] It's like, well, what do you mean by that?
[00:20:48.120 --> 00:20:51.800] But you're suffering for a long time.
[00:20:51.800 --> 00:20:57.040] So it's taken a little bit of work to start filling that bucket bucket back up so that
[00:20:57.040 --> 00:21:03.960] you can get back to your hobbies and the things that make you a person and make you feel fulfilled.
[00:21:03.960 --> 00:21:10.240] Because not everybody can just go through life doing the same old judge routine and come
[00:21:10.240 --> 00:21:13.760] out the end of the week, a happy fulfilled person.
[00:21:13.760 --> 00:21:15.960] Oh, wait, nobody can do that.
[00:21:15.960 --> 00:21:17.040] We're human.
[00:21:17.040 --> 00:21:18.200] There's something wrong with us.
[00:21:18.200 --> 00:21:19.600] I mean, we need something more.
[00:21:19.600 --> 00:21:23.440] It's particularly hard for parents is particularly hard for people with disabilities.
[00:21:23.440 --> 00:21:29.680] And it's it's I'm starting to realize it's basically particularly hard for everybody.
[00:21:29.680 --> 00:21:31.880] But nobody talks about it openly.
[00:21:31.880 --> 00:21:33.040] So we don't know that.
[00:21:33.040 --> 00:21:35.560] Well, and just like it's hard.
[00:21:35.560 --> 00:21:39.360] It's hard to be a parent and hard to have a disability is hard to take care of somebody
[00:21:39.360 --> 00:21:41.200] with a disability.
[00:21:41.200 --> 00:21:42.640] You have your own.
[00:21:42.640 --> 00:21:48.320] That's its own set of issues, difficulties and bucket draining bits.
[00:21:48.320 --> 00:21:55.320] My lifestyle, adaptions have mostly been Dustin cooks, Dustin drives Dustin picks up, you
[00:21:55.320 --> 00:21:58.640] know, you know, he he goes the grocery store.
[00:21:58.640 --> 00:22:02.960] Like my adaptations have worked for me only because I've had a partner that helps support
[00:22:02.960 --> 00:22:03.960] me.
[00:22:03.960 --> 00:22:07.600] I don't know where I would be if I didn't I know where I would be and it's not a good
[00:22:07.600 --> 00:22:08.600] place.
[00:22:08.600 --> 00:22:11.000] So thank you, Dustin.
[00:22:11.000 --> 00:22:15.040] Anything we can do to help keep your buckets full, even if that means donating money to
[00:22:15.040 --> 00:22:18.200] the podcast or something would be great.
[00:22:18.200 --> 00:22:34.880] Yeah, and, uh, NARC on a related note, I am doing because it requires less creative effort.
[00:22:34.880 --> 00:22:40.120] And I am trying to get back into putting effort into the show more regularly.
[00:22:40.120 --> 00:22:46.720] I'm doing some back end stuff that doesn't require as much of the creative effort.
[00:22:46.720 --> 00:22:53.160] And a lot of that is going to be around, uh, reducing the expenses of the show.
[00:22:53.160 --> 00:22:54.160] Yeah.
[00:22:54.160 --> 00:22:56.640] Money's tight here at home.
[00:22:56.640 --> 00:22:59.760] So I need to improve the profitability of the show.
[00:22:59.760 --> 00:23:04.720] And the easiest way to do that is reduce the expense of doing the show.
[00:23:04.720 --> 00:23:08.880] Uh, so there is a new website coming.
[00:23:08.880 --> 00:23:17.040] It is requiring me to make edits on the post for every episode.
[00:23:17.040 --> 00:23:25.960] That is a grand total of like 480 individual records that I'm having to edit.
[00:23:25.960 --> 00:23:28.160] I am roughly halfway through.
[00:23:28.160 --> 00:23:29.640] Wow.
[00:23:29.640 --> 00:23:30.640] Approaching halfway through.
[00:23:30.640 --> 00:23:36.160] See, I am one of those people where I would diligently don't go about that far and then
[00:23:36.160 --> 00:23:38.720] say, if it burned the rest down.
[00:23:38.720 --> 00:23:40.720] It doesn't need to be on the internet anymore.
[00:23:40.720 --> 00:23:43.640] But I'm glad you're not that kind of person.
[00:23:43.640 --> 00:23:45.840] It's good to have a back catalog.
[00:23:45.840 --> 00:23:48.040] But yeah, that's, that's been a lot of work.
[00:23:48.040 --> 00:23:50.360] It's been a lot of adjustment.
[00:23:50.360 --> 00:23:52.320] Just trying to figure out to make things more efficient.
[00:23:52.320 --> 00:23:56.040] You've always tried to make things more efficient, but financially.
[00:23:56.040 --> 00:23:57.040] So yeah.
[00:23:57.040 --> 00:24:03.120] Uh, and I'm also taking a look at the other areas that have recurring expenses for the
[00:24:03.120 --> 00:24:04.320] show.
[00:24:04.320 --> 00:24:08.680] Uh, and whether or not they are worth it.
[00:24:08.680 --> 00:24:21.560] So the voicemail line, uh, at 208-996-8667 has not been called in over a year.
[00:24:21.560 --> 00:24:28.880] I think the majority of your audience is probably millennial or millennial plus, but don't
[00:24:28.880 --> 00:24:29.880] like voicemail.
[00:24:29.880 --> 00:24:35.800] I don't like talking on the phone, text it, email it, whatever, but don't interrupt my
[00:24:35.800 --> 00:24:37.320] day with a phone call.
[00:24:37.320 --> 00:24:49.560] It's the second time I've set up a voicemail feedback line and both times right after,
[00:24:49.560 --> 00:24:56.400] no, by right after, I mean about six months after creating it, it gets a bunch of use.
[00:24:56.400 --> 00:25:01.240] And then after about six months of it getting a bunch of use, it drops down to almost none
[00:25:01.240 --> 00:25:02.480] and then eventually none.
[00:25:02.480 --> 00:25:06.520] I mean, and to be fair, we haven't done much in the past year.
[00:25:06.520 --> 00:25:09.920] So not fair to say it flopped.
[00:25:09.920 --> 00:25:14.120] We just, there's been no show for people to give input on.
[00:25:14.120 --> 00:25:16.040] We want it now though.
[00:25:16.040 --> 00:25:19.840] Um, one of the things, one of the reasons we're talking about the buckets today is because
[00:25:19.840 --> 00:25:24.320] it was a topic that is very human.
[00:25:24.320 --> 00:25:28.960] Um, it's very real to dust in a nice lives.
[00:25:28.960 --> 00:25:32.040] And I want to hear what other people want to talk about too.
[00:25:32.040 --> 00:25:38.640] I want to get those ideas flowing voicemail, email, any of those other ways of contacting
[00:25:38.640 --> 00:25:41.840] us to let us know what, what are your thoughts?
[00:25:41.840 --> 00:25:42.840] What are you going through?
[00:25:42.840 --> 00:25:45.120] What do you want us to talk about?
[00:25:45.120 --> 00:25:47.520] You can use the feedback form on the website.
[00:25:47.520 --> 00:25:52.400] You can send us an email at contact@htotw.com.
[00:25:52.400 --> 00:25:54.760] Use the speak pipe button.
[00:25:54.760 --> 00:25:59.240] You can record yourself on your phone and email that to us.
[00:25:59.240 --> 00:26:03.440] Like, there's a bunch of different ways to get in touch.
[00:26:03.440 --> 00:26:04.440] Yeah.
[00:26:04.440 --> 00:26:06.760] And just not social media.
[00:26:06.760 --> 00:26:07.760] Yeah.
[00:26:07.760 --> 00:26:10.800] That's pretty much done.
[00:26:10.800 --> 00:26:16.160] But yeah, um, which, you know, we're on Mastodon.
[00:26:16.160 --> 00:26:18.440] We're on, oh, we're on Mastodon.
[00:26:18.440 --> 00:26:21.440] At htotw@mastodon.social.
[00:26:21.440 --> 00:26:22.920] Perfect.
[00:26:22.920 --> 00:26:26.520] And, uh, yeah.
[00:26:26.520 --> 00:26:29.480] So, short episode.
[00:26:29.480 --> 00:26:30.480] That's going to be it.
[00:26:30.480 --> 00:26:31.680] That's all for today.
[00:26:31.680 --> 00:26:34.600] So thank you, Lauren.
[00:26:34.600 --> 00:26:35.600] Thank you.
[00:26:35.600 --> 00:26:37.760] Thank you listeners for sticking with us.
[00:26:37.760 --> 00:26:40.480] That's very, very wholehearted.
[00:26:40.480 --> 00:26:41.480] Thank you.
[00:26:41.480 --> 00:26:45.880] And until next time, remember, not all those who wander are lost.
[00:26:45.880 --> 00:26:48.460] (upbeat music)
[00:26:48.460 --> 00:26:51.040] (upbeat music)
[00:26:51.040 --> 00:26:56.040] (upbeat music)
[00:26:56.040 --> 00:26:58.800] [MUSIC PLAYING]