183: 10 Things Your Wedding Guests Hate, But Won't Tell You

How can you be sure you’re planning a wedding that your family and friends will actually enjoy?

In my job as a celebrant here in Australia this wedding season, I’ve been reminded of some of the basics of wedding planning and how, frequently, it doesn’t matter how big or modest your budget is. 

These concepts are about making a welcoming and comfortable space for your guests so they want to stay, and in fact, when the lights come on after last drinks have been called:

1)        There’ll still be people there and

2)       There’ll be an audible groan that the celebrations have come to an end.

Today I’m sharing the top 10 things that wedding guests secretly hate, but won’t complain about (to you, at least). 

Resources: 

EP85: Is A Seating Chart Absolutely Necessary For Your Wedding?

Ep34: How to Give an Amazing Wedding Speech (even if you're really nervous) with Authentically Funny Speeches

Ep67: How To Write A Memorable And Gracious Wedding Speech For Your Own Wedding with Authentically Funny Speeches

Australian National Support: https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/mental-health-crisis-support#:~:text=Lifeline%20%E2%80%94%20call%2013%2011%2014,or%20with%20thoughts%20of%20suicide

Canada: https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/mental-health-services/mental-health-get-help.html

New Zealand: https://1737.org.nz/

United Kingdom: https://www.spuk.org.uk/national-suicide-prevention-helpline-uk/

United States of America: https://988lifeline.org/

Send Unbridely a 90-second audio message on Speakpipe: https://www.speakpipe.com/unbridelypodcast 

*The Unbridely Podcast is sponsored by its listeners. When you purchase products or services through links on our website or via the podcast, we may earn an affiliate commission.*

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This episode of the Unbridely Modern Wedding Planning Podcast is brought to you by Easy Name Change.

You simply choose which companies you need to notify, and they send you detailed process instructions for each of your companies, plus ready to send forms, letters, and emails, so you just attach your marriage certificate to them and you're done!

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Unbridely acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land we record this podcast on, the Kaurna People. We pay our respects to their Elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures.

Transcript

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Here's something I'd love for you to always remember. Your family and friends, the closest people in your life, want the best for you. They want you to succeed, just like you cheer for them when they succeed. So with that logic, your wedding guests want you to have a brilliant wedding. They are rooting for you. And when they walk in, they want to love whatever decisions you've made. And this is exactly why they will never tell you when something isn't going to or didn't work. Not because they don't care, because they do so so much. They love you to bits and they don't want to hurt your feelings. So if no one close to you has planned a wedding recently, and none of your closest friends or family is going to speak up in the lead up to your wedding, how do you know what you don't know? This is exactly what episode 117 was for. Ten things your wedding guests notice, feel, and wish were different, dare I say it, hate, and yet won't breathe a word about it. To you at least. This encore episode has been in the Unbridly podcast top five most popular of all time ever since it dropped. And I think that's because it gives couples perspective that they genuinely couldn't have gotten anywhere else. If you're in the planning trenches right now, this one is well worth the 30-minute less. So let's get stuck into it. Unbridly is a community of pro-wedding vendors who believe in freedom and integrity in weddings, giving you options, solutions, tips and tricks to create the experience and memories that you and your fiancee really want and deserve. Because we believe that weddings are a team sport with how-to's, stories and interviews with recently married couples. We find out what went right and what they'd change if they could go back and do it all over again. I'm Camille and welcome to the Unbridly Podcast. Hey beautiful, how are you? Now I know that the intention for most couples is that they want the guests to have a great time. However, some common missteps can unintentionally frustrate your family and friends, and because they love you, they're never going to tell you. But it's the honest to goodness truth that your guests' experience will impact the overall success of your wedding. So let's begin with perhaps the biggest problem I hear about, and I would say one of the easiest to fix once you understand it. It comes under the first section, which is unclear communication and general confusion. And it sounds so basic, right? It's it sounds really, really simple. I guess maybe the first thing I want to say is when you've been looking at a particular location or several or venues, um, it might be a lookout at a national park, it could be a certain spot on a secret beach and you know all about it. You've had it in your mind for sometimes years that that's where you want to get married. Your guests don't have that history. Your friends and family haven't been planning this alongside you for 12 to 18 months. And if you're smart, you would have kept most of these details under wraps until now. But your friends and family will struggle when your venue or venues are hard to find, if the parking is inadequate, or the directions you give are unclear. So if you give detailed directions, andor a map, even, in the invitation or on your wedding website, you need to make sure there's also clear signage at the venue. Because when there is a really large space and it doesn't automatically screen that the ceremony is there under that tree, the pre-dinner drinks are over there on that deck, and the reception is going to be over here in this barn, then guests are going to be confused. They're going to be wandering all over the place. They're going to be seeing things or discovering little elements of your wedding that you might not have wanted them to do. If there's not someone there literally guiding them to where on the property or at the venue that you want them to go first, you need signage that says, hey, welcome. Ceremonies at this time, it's over here. And they go right and off they go. Toilets, toilets are over there, restrooms, however you want to call them. And if it is a really tricky place, if it's out of the way, there's going to be no taxis, cabs, Ubers, then you might want to consider providing transportation for your guests, which could mean like a bus or several buses. That has worked well in the past, and also frees people up if they want to have a little drink, then they're not having to worry about trying to drive home afterwards as well. The second thing that your guests are going to hate is if you're unclear on your dress code or theme. Because, I mean, like you, your friends and family can feel really stressed if they don't know how to dress or if the dress code, the one that you want, isn't clearly communicated to them. Because their social anxiety can go through the roof. I don't know if you're the same as me, but when I get an invitation to something, the first thing that goes through my mind is, oh, I've been invited to something. How wonderful. Second thing, what's this about? You know, um, can I make it? All those sorts of things. The third thing, holy shit, what do I wear? Your friends and family are exactly the same. They're thinking, do I have something that I own? Can I borrow something? Do I need to buy something? And how am I going to feel comfortable physically at this occasion? In this case, your wedding. So help them. Help shortcut that whole thinking process for them by being explicit. That means you're giving them every bit of information they could possibly need in your invitations or the wedding website about the dress code. You might have a really open dress code. It might simply be smart casual, and that's awesome. But likewise, I've seen some weddings that go, we'd like everyone to wear white. No exception. We want white tops, white bottoms, white socks, white shoes. Um, if you're wearing a dress, it's white, et cetera, et cetera. So if that sort of extreme is something that you really want, you need to get it across and get it across early. I've seen some wedding websites that actually share examples of what kind of attire is appropriate. And this is not meant to be restrictive, like you've got to look like this, you've got to wear this, but instead it removes the endless choices that most guests face and it gives them the confidence that they're going to fit in socially. So if your wedding has a specific theme, if there are weather conditions that are going to very strongly guide what you should wear, or special terrain to consider. So think beach formal or garden party attire or winter wonderland, bushbash, bring your boots, whatever the case may be, your guess, they won't know. They won't know unless you put it in several places. Make sure you pass it along to your friends and family as well. All those extra touch points of communication is going to help the message get out. So then the second grouping of things that guess hate come under the title of timing and flow issues. Just the way your wedding goes. Number three is having long gaps between your ceremony and reception. I know for some people this is just not possible to get around. The church or the ceremony place is only available at 11 a.m. on the day you want to get married. And your beautiful venue where you're having your reception will not open the doors before five o'clock. And you go, well, what the hell do we do with that? Long gaps also means distance. So if you've got a ceremony on one side of town and it's an hour and a half, two hours to the next part of the celebration, you're gonna lose people literally along the way. Whether it's people who get lost, fall asleep on the couch at home in between, like I've I've heard it all. I've heard it absolutely. I've heard the stupidest reasons, or I guess have gone to the ceremony and just not rocked up at the reception. Some things you can't control, but a lot of things you can. So long breaks between the ceremony and reception, for example, can leave your guests bored or stranded somewhere with nothing to do in the middle. So if you can keep the gap between them as short as possible, the timing of them andor the distance, or alternatively, plan something for your guests. You could provide a bit of entertainment. It could just be a guitar, it could just be some music through a speaker in the background, it might be snacks or a comfortable place to relax. And if it's not in the budget, you could alternatively communicate with your friends and family in advance about what's nearby. You know, cafes that are not too far away, activities they can enjoy during the wait. If there's a lot of families, they're gonna really appreciate that. And they're gonna be more likely to, number one, rock up. Number two, bring their best energy because they've been out of plan their day. Things guess hate, number four, lack of food or bad timing with the meals. I was about to say your friends and family, I was about to say your wedding guests, but show me a human who doesn't become frustrated if the food, the meal that they're waiting for, they're anticipating, they're salivating about is served too late. Or if they've had to wait a really long time, you know, the first table gets served, and then three-quarters of an hour later, they're getting their meal. The other side of it is if there isn't enough food available. Like it just makes people sad. So make sure there's something to snack on, like canopes or d'oeuvres, if the main meal will be delayed. Things like cheese boards, things like grazing boards, grazing platters, grazing tables, I've seen. Some of my couples have even had like little picnic boxes, little personal-sized boxes of snacks, because they've been out in a field somewhere. And it's like, here, have your snacks, fuel up, rest, relax, and we'll be back into this. If you can think about the timing of the meals and the food that your friends and family are getting, then you can make sure your guests aren't left hungry or waiting for really long stretches. And yeah, you can bet they're the couple that go home and do the drive-thru at Maccas to get some burgers to fill their stomachs. And that's that's sad. None of us want that to happen as they leave our weddings. Did you know that most newlyweds spend up to eight hours of their precious time working through changing their last name after they get married? This is where easy name change comes in. Their kits provide you with a sort of shopping list of businesses, companies, and government departments where you simply pick which ones you need to notify. They then send you detailed instructions on how to go about the name change process, because every business is different, and this saves you hours of calling around, waiting on hold, sending emails, waiting for a response, and then remembering to follow up when you don't hear back from them. Easy name change kits also provide ready-to-send forms, letters and emails, so you just attach your marriage certificate to them and you're done. Starting at$39, the value and time you get back is a no-brainer. For more help on changing your name after you get married, there is an excellent blog post on the Unbridly website, and I'll put a link in the show notes for you. Plus, Unbridly Podcast listeners get a$6 discount on their name change kits by using the code UNBRY6. That's UN B R I D E L Y 6, the number 6, and this is valid until the end of 2025. Get your easy name change kit so you can move on to the fun parts of being grown-ups together, like holidays, getting a dog, building a house, herb gardens. The fifth thing, that wedding guests hate, are too many formalities and delays. So when your schedule is packed so frickin' tight, and you've got things like extended games, you've got super long toasts or speeches, or again, the dinner is delayed, it leads to your guests getting really frustrated. And just generally, it interrupts your family and friends from chatting with each other, catching up, enjoying themselves, meeting someone new. I mean, think about your single friends at least. Meeting your future husband, wife, spouse at a wedding is like the best. It's the absolute best. Singles are like, yeah, everyone's, you know, loved up and everyone's loose. Let's go. So when your wedding feels like overly scheduled and mandated fun, or a school assembly with no punchline point or self-editing, it makes people fidgety and hangry, and they just feel like you're wasting their time. So keep your wedding, your event flowing smoothly by limiting the formalities if you can. It's funny. Uh I hear from lots and lots of couples who go, Oh, what can we do? It's like you're getting people together, you're probably giving them some food or drinks, you've probably got some form of music or entertainment. That's what adults do. Like, you don't have to have endless games, activities, you don't have to have the magician or the roving artist, or you know, have them if you like. I mean, they're bloody amazing. You know, there's so many incredibly talented vendors, but you don't have to have all of them. And you don't have to jam it full. What I'm talking about is booking the vendors, having the activities, saying the things that really mean something to you. We need to learn to edit ourselves. So if you're balancing ceremonial and emotional moments with fun and free time for guests to mingle and enjoy the day, then you're doing great. And please try not to split the speeches if you can avoid it. Asking for your guests to come back to their chairs and listen to more speeches after they've already been on the dance floor and had a few drinks is hard to do. And guess what? They don't listen anyway. Okay, so the third section of things is all about your guests' comfort and experience. And I'm not telling you anything new here, right? Because that is what drives you. When you're going somewhere, if you're not comfortable and you're not having a great time, I mean, we're out of there, right? So number six is uncomfortable seating arrangements. Now that can be literal, the chair, or it can be where your guests are situated, you know, around the room and even on tables. Like, God, love that fucking table seating plan. Guests can get uncomfortable if they're crammed together, if they're seated awkwardly, or with strangers who they don't get along with. So, my best tip is to carefully consider your seating plan, placing people with familiar or compatible company, very important, and making sure there's enough space for everyone to physically sit comfortably. This is another big vote for always having a seating chart. I think it's super important. And if you want to know more about why, you can have a listen to episode 85. Is a seating chart absolutely necessary for your wedding? Uh, yes, it is. The seventh thing that wedding guests hate is a lack of thought towards their comfort. So small details, like, as I said, the uncomfortable seating or the placement, lack of shade in hot weather, inaccessible bathrooms, or not enough bathrooms like toilets, restrooms, it makes guests feel like they're an afterthought. So anticipating your guests' needs and offering thoughtful touches like fans for outdoor summer ceremonies. It doesn't have to be a powered fan, but just even a handheld fan. God, it can help. Especially with some of the weather that we've had this summer so far, like super sticky, super humid, blankets for evening events, or, as I said, accessible bathrooms, signage for bathrooms, here they are, and enough of them. Making sure, and this is a big one, making sure there are enough chairs for less mobile, dare I say it, older guests who might need to have a frickin' break during the day. People appreciate it like you wouldn't believe. Number eight of what guests hate. Fool, this is controversial because not everyone can afford to pay for all the drinks for all their guests all night long. But I know, and I think you can guess, that wedding guests hate having a cash bar. And what I mean by a cash bar is they're expected to walk up to the bar with money, either hard cash or a card, and pay for their drinks. It's a tough one, especially in this economic climate. But generally, expecting your guests to pay for their drinks or providing no alcoholic options whatsoever can make your guests feel unwelcome. And so, my best tip if a full open bar isn't feasible, maybe you could consider offering a limited selection of free drinks. It might be one, two signature cocktails, it might be just wine, maybe wine and beer. You can also provide drink tokens to keep costs down without leaving your guests feeling no pun intended, shortchanged. Number nine, poor music choices or excessive volume of music. Your friends and family are going to find it hard to enjoy themselves if the music is too loud or if the playlist, your DJ, your band's playlist, doesn't cater to a range of tastes. Because we're talking, in most cases, about quite a few different generations come together to celebrate a wedding. So if you can coordinate with your DJ or your band to make sure there's a balanced volume level in the space where you're entertaining, especially during dinner, so then people can still chat as they're eating or during toasts, making sure that people giving speeches can be heard by everyone in the room, but it's not blasting one particular group away. A great DJ or band will include a variety of music to appeal to different age groups and musical tastes to keep everyone engaged. That's what they excel at. That's what they do. And equally, if you're able, please don't sit your nana right next to the speakers, right next to the dance floor. Think about how the placement of your guests and your tables around the room will help your guests to enjoy themselves. And number 10 of what guests hate most about weddings. I wonder if you can guess what it is. Long, numerous, and dragged-out speeches. Your friends and family, they adore you. But they can lose interest when speeches go on and on and on for too long if they're rambling, if they're unprepared, if they have no notes at all. My best tip here is to ask your speakers to keep their toast or speeches concise. And we're talking concise means three to five minutes maximum. It's all they need. Because if they can't get to the point in that time, quite frankly, they're never going to get to the fucking point. Encourage them to share meaningful, fun, or engaging stories rather than long winded tales of when you were three. My amazing friend, Beth, from Authentically Funny Speeches, is a former stand up comedian and comedy writer. The likes of, you know, Jay Leno and David Letterman. She's been on this podcast twice now, and I'm trying to fabricate a reason to get her back for the third time in 2025. So if you need help for yourself or for the people that you've asked to do speeches at your wedding, please make sure you listen to episode number 67, How to Write a Memorable and Gracious Wedding Speech for Your Own Wedding, andor Episode 34, How to Give an Amazing Wedding Speech Even If You're Really Nervous, because she absolutely nails how to keep your speeches short, punchy, and funny, and get on with the celebrating that everyone is there to do. I'll add the links to those episodes in the show notes as well, but for reference, number 34, number 67. It sounds like order numbers for your schnitzel at a pub. How'd you go? Do you feel sick to the stomach or liberated? So just to recap the 10 things wedding guests hate, and I bet when you're invited somewhere, you hate them too. Number one, confusing or inconvenient locations. Two, an unclear dress code or theme, you know, when you don't know what to expect. You don't know how formal to dress. Number three, long gaps between ceremony and reception. And for other events, it's just long gaps where nothing is happening. Four, lack of food or bad timing with the meals. Five, too many formalities and delays. You get the picture. Six, uncomfortable seating arrangements or none. Please give give your guests a seat. Number seven, a lack of thought for guest comfort. And that, you know, goes from seating right through to temperature and all sorts of other things. Eight, a cash bar. It's true. Number nine, poor music choices or excessive volume. And number ten, too many or very long and dragged out speeches. If you focus on how timely, accurate, and thoughtful information makes you feel when you're invited to an event, your attention on your guest comfort will naturally lead to a better experience for everyone. This episode first aired back in 2024, and the feedback I got from couples who listened before their wedding was seriously affirming. And this is because event foundations and hospitality basics don't change that much over time. And I hope it's given you a valuable takeaway to reframe your wedding planning. If you want to keep the conversation going, you can find me at Unbridly on Instagram. I would love to hear your wedding guest pet peeves or the things you've seen done really well. Because I love seeing new innovations, it's great. You know, but less about trends and more about the care and consideration. And as always, until next time, celebrate your people. That about wraps it up for this episode of the Umbradly Podcast. For the links and resources we mentioned, please head to the show notes. And if you love the show, please review and subscribe on the podcast platform you're on now so you don't miss out on a single episode. Thanks so much for listening and remember weddings are a team sport. Catch you soon.