187: Top 9 Most Common and Heartbreaking Wedding Day Regrets

There’s a good chance (91% in fact) you’ve never planned a wedding before and that you’ll only have one shot at it - with no do-overs. Wedding regret is a real thing that can steal joy from the planning, have you feeling anxious on the day and can haunt you afterwards too. 

But there are solutions to most dilemmas, circumstances and situations if you’re willing to listen and learn. 

In this special episode, you’ll learn: 

• 4 wedding truths that you need to accept,
• the 9 most universally common and heartbreaking (because they can be avoided) wedding regrets that I’ve either experienced, read about or heard about from my couples, plus
• some extra, more subjective, wedding regrets.

Resources: 

EasyWeddings 2026 Wedding Industry Report: https://www.easyweddings.com.au/business/australian-wedding-industry-reports/

Ep 20: 6 Essential Questions To Ask Yourself Before You Pick Your Bridesmaids

Ep 35: 22 Wedding Budget Ideas That Don't Discount Your Style Or Values

Ep 61: Micro-weddings With Massive Impact: Why Size Really Does Matter with WedShed

Ep 34: How to Give an Amazing Wedding Speech (even if you're really nervous) with Authentically Funny Speeches

Ep64: Pt 1 - 6 Most FAQ Will Make or Break Your Wedding Day Timeline With Luke John Photography

Ep65: Pt 2 - 6 Most FAQ Will Make or Break Your Wedding Day Timeline With Luke John Photography

Send Unbridely a 90-second audio message on Speakpipe: https://www.speakpipe.com/unbridelypodcast

*The Unbridely Podcast is sponsored by its listeners. When you purchase products or services through links on our website or via the podcast, we may earn an affiliate commission.*

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This episode of the Unbridely Modern Wedding Planning Podcast is brought to you by Easy Name Change.

You simply choose which companies you need to notify, and they send you detailed process instructions for each of your companies, plus ready to send forms, letters, and emails, so you just attach your marriage certificate to them and you're done!

More info on how to change your name after you get married: https://unbridely.com/blog/name-change-after-marriage 

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Unbridely acknowledges the Traditional Owners of the Land we record this podcast on, the Kaurna People. We pay our respects to their Elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures.

Transcript

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Have you ever been so excited about a decision? Maybe taking a new job or planning like a really big trip, and you've charged ahead without heeding advice or listening to the people who have done it before. And then somewhere down the track, you realized that if you'd been a little bit more patient and maybe listened a lot more, you would have saved an enormous amount of stress or money or regret. Well, that is exactly what happens to so many engaged couples when they plan their wedding. This episode is about the specific moments where things go wrong and what you can do right now to make sure it doesn't happen to you. This is an encore episode of one of the most downloaded in unbridly podcast history. I walk you through nine universal wedding regrets that come up time and time again for all kinds of couples and across all different levels of budgets, plus a handful of more personal ones that might just change the way you're approaching a decision you haven't even made yet. Some of these will stop you in your tracks, and the others you'll just brush off. And that contrast is actually really useful because it will show you exactly what matters most to you about your wedding day. So pay attention to the regrets that make you feel tense. You know, you're you're clenching your jaw, you're furrowing your brow, your shoulders feel tight. Think about those ones, listen to those ones. And before you dive in, a few things worth knowing. When I recorded this episode, I had been married for nine years and had celebrated over 900 weddings as a celebrant. I am now coming up on 12 years married to Matt this August. And I have married and, you know, conducted the ceremonies for over 1,080 couples now. I am so, so incredibly lucky, very grateful. However, the heart of what I share in this episode has not changed one little bit. So it's just the lived experience behind it that has. I also referenced the Easy Weddings Australian Wedding Industry report during the episode, and those numbers have moved a little since I first recorded this. The latest 2026 report puts the average age of marriage at 32 for women and 33 for men, with same-sex couples marrying on average at 33 for men and 35 for women. And I'm not loving that there is no non-binary data, but I can only share what they have recorded. And 91% of couples are still getting married for the very first time. So the truth at the core of this episode remains exactly the same. Nearly everyone walking into their wedding has never done it before. And it's natural and okay to feel a little overwhelmed, but also this is exactly what I'm here for. So let's get stuck into it. Unbridly is a community of pro-wedding vendors who believe in freedom and integrity in weddings, giving you options, solutions, tips and tricks to create the experience and memories that you and your fiance really want and deserve. Because we believe that weddings are a team sport. With how-to's, stories and interviews with recently married couples. We find out what went right and what they've changed if they could go back and do it all over again. I'm Camille and welcome to the Unbridly Podcast. Okay, let's kick off with the universal wedding regrets. These are the mistakes, the missteps, the bad choices that everyone is quietly annoyed that they didn't see coming, that they didn't plan for or rectify when they are able to. And they are the ones that almost everyone would agree could have been fixed and should have been fixed or anticipated ahead of time. And number one is choosing the wrong people for the wedding party, so bridesmaids, groomsmen, etc. Or a tweak on that one, telling them too early in the planning stages, or having a wedding party at all. Now, the wedding regrets that I compiled for this, I mean, they're really broad, but the main problem there is around the wedding party. The specific individuals that are chosen, whether they're family or friends, they need to not only be a part of your past, people that you get along with and don't feel obligated to include, but people you truly want beside you. Because generally, most engaged couples choose to either have some pre-wedding events with them. So whether that's a bucks party, hens party, bachelorette, all those pre-wedding events, maybe a rehearsal dinner with these people. Also get ready with them on the morning of the wedding generally, get dressed with them, travel with them, go to the ceremony. Generally, a wedding party would stand up with the couple getting married. They spend a bucket load of time with you on the wedding day. You gotta not only love them in your past, you gotta love them for your future too. So if they're people who just don't fit in with the values that you and your fiancee have, you know, maybe they're gamblers and you've sworn off that. Maybe they're massive drinkers and you're like, that's actually not part of our life anymore. Maybe they support a certain football team. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I have never seen obligation work for the reason why people are chosen to be included in a wedding party. Also telling them too early in the planning stages, it's exciting. It's fucking exciting to discover that the person that you love, I mean, you love them a bunch and it's great and you have got a great life, but then they go, actually, I'd like to take our commitment to the next level. Maybe here's a ring. Don't have to get engaged with a ring, but it's it's a way of going, I mean this, isn't it? It's that little token. And I don't know, for me, just that symbolism of them, of my husband giving me a token of his commitment, of I mean this, babe, of saying, we're in this together and I want to build a life with you, is just inexplicably, it just makes you want to burst. It really makes you want to burst with happiness and pride and the feeling like, oh my god, someone loves me, you know, someone cares for me that much. I mean, it just for me, it blew my mind. It absolutely blew my mind. And you're riding this massive love bubble high. It's hard to see things clearly. And if you've chosen, you know, I know a lot of women in particular who have chosen their bridesmaids when they're in high school and they've gone, yeah, you'll be my bridesmaids. You'll be my bridesmaid, and you and you and you, and we're gonna have the best time. And you go, yeah, girl, and everyone goes, slay. And then you chink your drinks. That might be okay if you get married like close to finishing school. And again, if we head back to that easy wedding survey, the average age of brides getting married, for example, is 32 years of age. So you're quite a long way from being in high school, you know, no offense. But life has moved on. And for a lot of us, there are different friends, different family that are playing a bigger role in our lives when we're 32 versus when we're 17. And it's natural and it makes sense that different people have come into your lives and are closer to you, mean more to you, maybe share more of the same future, more of the same vision for your lives. Telling your wedding party too early in your planning stages and proposing to them and going, hey, love you to be a part of it, it doesn't leave you time to really consider what's good for you, what's good for them as well, and what will work for your wedding, for your budget, for your venue. Are you going to get married in your state? Are you going to go overseas for it? You've got to really have a look at these things and weigh them up before you start showering everyone with the love that you've got and your love bomb. And some couples are choosing not to have a wedding party at all, but that decision doesn't come quickly or easily. That's a big discussion. That's a discussion that comes around when are we getting married? Where are we getting married? What kind of budget are we happy to be spending? And so take your time. Really take your time to think about it. Think about who needs to be involved, who you want to be involved, who do you want to be with, and consider their life circumstances too. So in episode 20, six essential questions to ask yourself before you pick your bridesmaids. Go back, have a listen to that if you're struggling with the whole who should we have in our wedding party, how many should we have, etc. Put your choices through that little filter of that episode and see if anything changes there. You want to be sure. You really want to be sure. Universal wedding regret number two is basically not getting the big vision down properly. And I've heard from a lot of couples that they wish they'd priced out the differences between an all-in-one inclusive wedding venue. So think somewhere that has weddings almost every weekend. It could be a winery, it could be a function center, it could be a hotel, could be even a restaurant. But what we're talking about is having everything already there. Tables, chairs, air conditioning, fridge, kitchen, sink, cutlery, crockery, you know, like it sounds so basic, but you know, think about everything that is in a room that allows you to be comfortable, to be generally, you know, seated for a meal, where you can dance, where there's electricity, where there's light, comparing the price of that versus a blank canvas site, sometimes called a dry hire site, it's well worth doing a really thorough comparison on what those costs are to bring up a dry hire or blank canvas site. Because here's the thing: frequently the pricing of both ends up being about the same. So some people really think they're going to save money with a private celebration on a private property or a blank canvas site. It's not always the case. And more frequently, it would be more expensive and a lot more work. So if you'd like to know a little bit more about the difference between an all-in-one inclusive wedding venue versus a dry hire site, have a listen to episode number 35, 22 wedding budget ideas that don't discount your style or values, and there's more info in there. Regret number three is inviting guests you really don't want to have there due to obligation. You know the situation. They've invited you to their wedding, and so you feel like you have to invite them to your wedding, even though you aren't that close anymore. Like, go back to that discussion about making plans in high school to have certain girls as your bridesmaids, for example. So you might not be close anymore, or your wedding is only small, or you've moved away from where you've grown up. I'll also link the blog post that I wrote. It's called Wedding Guest List Tester in the show notes. But basically, you're under no obligation to invite anyone to your wedding. But again, it's that balance, isn't it? So you should also know that the choices you make as to who you invite to your wedding, they will echo back to you for some time afterwards. And that getting an invitation to your wedding or not will affect some people deeply. So I'd highly recommend that you don't be hurtful or spiteful. It sounds corny, but please treat your family and friends as you'd want to be treated. Weigh that up. But don't let guilt, mind games, or politics change who you really want to invite to your wedding. Now the fourth wedding regret, this comes up quite a bit, and I spoke about it with Amy Parfett from Wedshed in episode 61: Micro weddings with massive impact. Why size really does matter with Wedgehed, and that is some couples experience the very worst stress and regret when they choose a venue that can't accommodate everyone they'd really like to invite. So this then means that they're needing to cut some special people from their guest list. And as I just mentioned, this can cause hurt feelings and impact your future relationships with these people. So sometimes your choice of venue will inform your guest list numbers, but it can be a lot safer to pull together at least a draft guest list first and know what your ballpark number is before you go and head out there and start getting your heart set on a certain venue. Regret number five: lots of people regret stressing about spending so much money and time on wedding favors for their guests. This is a big one. And I've got to tell you, as professional wedding vendors, we see it almost every weekend. Guests frequently leave wedding favors behind, or they don't want custom bottle openers with your name and wedding date on it, as cute as you think they are. If you consider a fairly cheap wedding favor is let's just say it's five bucks, and you're getting one for every one of your 100 guests, that's $500 that could have been spent on the bar, on dessert, on a midnight snack. It might even help to bump up like a longer photography package, etc. etc. I mean, get wedding favors if you really want them, but don't be disheartened if they're not everyone's cup of tea. Regret number six and talking about personal preferences, another massive regret of wedding planning is getting so excited that you can't help but tell lots of people your plans and ideas, only to find out that they're either not as excited by them, maybe they don't understand them, maybe they think they're silly, maybe they think it's not traditional, you know, maybe they even say to you, oh, that's not what's done. Or it can be crushing, that's a waste of money. It can hurt a lot when your dream vision is cut down by those who are meant to be supporting you. It can sometimes strain relationships. I've seen it cause arguments, and also have you second guessing what you want for your wedding if it really won't be appreciated by all of your guests. But also, that's life, right? You're never going to get everyone liking the same thing. Whether we're talking about wedding colours or your favorite MBA team, go nets. People will always have something to say about whether or not you choose to serve a traditional plated meal or have burgers or pizzas. They'll have an opinion on whether you should have included your future husband's sister as one of your bridesmaids, or if you should have had a first dance. And the thing is you need to be sure and you need to be clear about what you and your future wife, husband, or spouse want from now on. Because when it comes down to it, everything else is secondary. So knowing that these opinions are coming your way, regardless of what you choose, like you can't help it, they're coming, all right? But people are going to judge you. And so my best tip is try to tell no one. And if that's impossible, keep the details really close to your chest. Maybe it's just your fiance, your best friend, and your wedding planner. I mean, no one else really needs to know. And when someone asks what you're planning or what the details are, you know, those ones that you don't want to share, plaster a big smile on your face and repeat after me. Thanks so much for asking. It's all taken care of, and I want it to be a surprise for you. And walk away. Did you know that most newlyweds spend up to eight hours of their precious time working through changing their last name after they get married? This is where easy name change comes in. Their kits provide you with a sort of shopping list of businesses, companies, and government departments where you simply pick which ones you need to notify. They then send you detailed instructions on how to go about the name change process, because every business is different, and this saves you hours of calling around, waiting on hold, sending emails, waiting for a response, and then remembering to follow up when you don't hear back from them. Easy name change kits also provide ready-to-send forms, letters and emails, so you just attach your marriage certificate to them and you're done. Starting at $39, the value and time you get back is a no-brainer. For more help on changing your name after you get married, there is an excellent blog post on the Unbridly website, and I'll put a link in the show notes for you. Plus, Unbridly Podcast listeners get a $6 discount on their name change kits by using the code UNBRY6. That's UN B-R-I-D-E-L-Y 6, the number six, and this is valid until the end of 2025. Get your easy name change kit so you can move on to the fun parts of being grown-ups together, like holidays, getting a dog, building a house, herb gardens. Regret number seven, it comes up time and time again. But so many newlyweds tell me that they regret not getting a videographer, or if they're not video people, and that is totally a thing too, they regret not hiring a professional photographer, or they regret not extending their photography package or coverage to get more photos. So incredibly common, it's really sad too, because of course, as I said at the start, it's one of those truths. You're not getting this day back. You're not going to be able to recreate what's happened, the feelings, the people that were there, the weather that you had, the food that you ate, the way you looked, the way you felt inside. I've heard some couples go, that's okay, we could get another shoot on another day, but it will always be just another shoot on another day. Invest the money in that experience, in that time, if it's important to you. Regret number eight, and now we're getting down to some, yeah, real nitty-gritty. But this is another one of the absolute biggest. Newlywed couples say a lot, the biggest regret is not spending more time with the person I married. Lots of couples regret not finding each other during the reception, because this might sound strange if you haven't been married or you haven't paid close attention to someone else's wedding, but you get separated. You know, your friends drag you over here and they go, Oh my god, we want to have a photo with you. Yay! And then for me, my husband's family took him off to another side and they're having a chat and they're talking about different things. And you've got to make a conscious effort to find your brand new husband, wife, spouse, and attach yourself to them. Some of my couples have said, we're gonna hold hands and we're not gonna let go. And I'm like, that's probably the best way to do it. I'll meet you outside the bathroom kind of thing. You know, maybe let go when they go to the toilet, but keeping it as a focus in your mind that you want to try to experience things on your wedding day as a couple, especially if you've saved seeing each other until your ceremony, you've only got a handful of hours anyway. Oh my god, stick with each other. That time is super precious. You want to spend more time as a team, you want to experience the same things together at the same time. And the number one wedding regret that I hear, I get sent messages, I talk to past bride and grooms, and and they talk about it. But the number nine wedding regret, universal wedding regret, is that people wish that they didn't stress so much. They wish that they didn't get themselves so worked up about every little detail. They wish that they didn't let so much of the politics of the tiny little disagreements get in their head and waste precious energy and time. A lot of people get so wrapped up in wedding planning that every detail seems so important. And I promise it doesn't matter. I look back and I laugh at all the stupid things I wasted my time stressing over, whether it was the ridiculous idea to try and do my own flowers. I have no experience whatsoever doing flowers. I decided to not only do my own, but to grow them myself. So the stress wasn't just, you know, a few days before I got some wholesale flowers and pulled them together. No, no. I grew them, I nurtured them, I talked to them, and I mean it's kind of cute, but I had so many other things going on, so many more important things that I could have enjoyed. It took away time that I could have spent enjoying other things that were way more valuable. So try going into your day knowing that things are going to go wrong, but it's how you react to them that will affect the flow of your day and what you remember. Now I'm just going to go through a few of these subjective wedding day regrets. They're not as big, uh, not everyone feels as strongly about them, but I think they're worth passing on. So a big one for the subjective wedding day regrets, and it's not everyone, but it's regretting the entire wedding, as in the money spent and the time and energy, some people consider it's wasted. So realizing after your wedding that the benefits of it were not as valued means that you didn't sit down together and work out that maybe an elopement or maybe a micro-wedding and spending the budget on a really big honeymoon or a house or maybe a family holiday, you know, maybe that would have been more rewarding for you. And this really can be and should be addressed really early on in your engagement. What does a wedding mean to you both? Do you really want and need one? Are you doing what you want rather than what's expected of you? Another regret is not allowing enough time for hair and makeup to be done. If you are having hair and makeup done, your timeline is super, super crucial. And you need to allow not only the amount of time that whoever's doing your hair and makeup, if you've got a professional, then brilliant. Hopefully, they're going to be a little bit more efficient, they're going to have their timings down a little bit better. But whoever is doing it, let's say it takes an hour, you're putting an hour 15. Okay? You don't want to feel so rushed and panicked towards the end, especially if you have lots of people getting their hair and makeup done. Another regret is that people don't write speeches. It's something that people leave really, really late. And it becomes something that a lot of not only the couples getting married, but also bridesmaids and groomsmen, best men and maid of honours, and um father of the brides, they just procrastinate on it for so long that it's something that they're doing the morning of. Please don't try to wing it. Unless you're a professional stand-up comedian. Even they they write stuff. I've got to tell you, they write stuff. Go back and have a listen to episode number 34, how to give an amazing wedding speech, even if you're really nervous, with authentically funny speeches. Beth will walk you through exactly how to get started, what to focus on, what to leave behind. Get it done. Seriously. Get a draft done for your speech. Don't let it be one of your regrets. Another subjective regret is not being more diligent about getting some of the photos that people want. The big key there is communication. Again, with your photographer, also allowing enough time in the timeline there. But if there are photos that mean the world to you, that you've got your heart set on, you have a photo list, you have them written down there, you're sharing it with the photographer well ahead of time, not on the day. You don't just present it then on the day. It could change everything, what you've got in that list. Communicate early, like tell them exactly what you want. They'll let you know when and how it's possible. That's their job. Another regret, not spending more time talking to the guests. So this is the thing. Some couples want to be on the dance floor and they regret not being on there enough. Others wish they'd talk to their guests more because they spent their night on the dance floor. Depends on what you really want. Have a chat about what you really want. Split your time. Get someone to help you manage that time. Another regret is they wish they had more behind-the-scenes pictures and videos. So as you're getting ready, more natural, candid shots during the party, all those sorts of things. If that is not with a professional photographer or content creator, and you haven't discussed that with them, get hold of your wedding party. Go, I need you for half an hour. Could you run around and take candid shots just on your phone? Beautiful. Perfect. It's working out what you really want, finding a spot for it in the timeline, and making it happen. Big regret. Big regret. Oh my god, I see it with my cuffles a lot. You know, no matter who's walking down the aisle, there's a sense, oh my god, all eyes are on me. I've got to make it down without tripping over. I hope I do this right. Is the song gonna run out? All of those things. My heel is caught in the grass. You just don't want to make it look like you're on the way to a shoe sale, that you're motivated, bit panicked, bit glassy-eyed, and you're running as fast as you can. Walk slow down the aisle. Everyone says it. Go slow, take it easy, take it in. Super important. Big regret. Not being clear on expectations of wedding vendors. Having a really detailed and thorough meeting, especially if you have a venue coordinator or a planner, having that the week of so it's fresh. It might be too late to change everything, but it's about highlighting what's most important. Some planners might require that somewhere within the month prior, the week of generally is ideal for the couple getting married. It just depends on when your coordinator or planner can fit that in for you. But emphasizing again the things are important. What's important to you? It could be music, timelines, could be your expectations on certain moments. Be extremely clear on this, make sure it's written down, make sure there's a record of it. And when it all comes down to it, on the actual day itself, there's not a lot that the marrying couple can do to impact change on what's going on. The best thing you can do is to let it go. And it sounds crazy. It sounds crazy, but to let it go, to drink it in. If there are mistakes happening around you, clock them, notice them, but then you've got a choice whether to get really frustrated about them in that moment, to try to make things happen, to try to chat with people, or to let it go and laugh. The most important part, surely, after everything, is that you get to marry the person you love, and that you and your guests have a good time. Your guests are looking to you for cues. Shrug it off. Shrug off whatever is going wrong. And I've seen it with couples. There was one particular wedding, and it was in fact my 900th ceremony, and it was about at this time last year. And my couple, my gorgeous couple, they had planned their wedding down to the nth degree, and it was classy and it was fabulous, and their ceremony setup was just going to look like a dream outside. But Mother Nature had other plans, and we had the storm of the century here in my hometown. It was so crazy. There were hurricane-like winds, massive downpours, and there was flooding all over the state. Our first option for the ceremony, we had to give that one up early because it was outside. The second option for the ceremony got flooded, and so we had to go with the third option. And by that time, of course, moving guests, moving decorations, moving flowers, uh trying to get my PA out of the rain, you know, certificates are all water damaged. All the things that have to happen to, you know, move from one location to the next takes time. And so their wedding was running late, but their attitude was fucking tip top. And it meant that everyone else got behind them, even though it wasn't ideal. And it was one of the most incredible weddings I have ever been a part of. Strangely, not perfect, but it's the attitude of the couple getting married that can make the biggest, biggest difference. So allow yourself lots of time on your wedding day timeline to soak things in. Have a listen to episodes 64 and 65, parts one and two, of six most frequently asked questions that will make or break your wedding day timeline with Luke John Photography. That's going to help you make sure you span out your timeline as best you can. But if a storm's coming, you're just going to make the best of it, right? So I'd love to know which one of these regrets is the one that really freaks you out the most, the one that is most important to you not to have after your wedding has come and gone. Let me know on Instagram at Unbridly, and I'll chat with you next week. That about wraps it up for this episode of the Unbridly Podcast. For the links and resources we mentioned, please head to the show notes. And if you love the show, please review and subscribe on the podcast platform you're on now so you don't miss out on a single episode. Thanks so much for listening, and remember, weddings are a team sport. Catch you soon.