What If Your Overreaction Is Old Pain Talking? Ep 125

You know the times you look back and wonder why your reaction to an event was over the top. This happens when the current event reminds you of a past event or events that felt the same way. The emotions from the past have not felt heard, the needs have not been met. 

When something happens that feels the same the old emotions try again to be heard and so you are overreacting.

It creates a shame strom. Shame storms are not fun. They can be survived and even disarmed with practice.

00:00 When Reassurance Hurts
00:42 Inside a Shame Storm
01:38 Learning to Quiet Shame
02:03 Facing the Storm Safely
02:46 Sorting Thoughts and Lies
04:08 Emotions Past and Present
05:30 Your Reaction Is a Clue
06:25 Comforting Soul With Truth
07:36 Tools to Move Forward
07:57 Invitation and Next Steps

I'd love to connect with you!

• Find community in Healing Generations
•  Learn how God communicates with you in Transformational Quiet Times

Transcript

Inside A Shame Storm

Quieting Versus Facing The Storm

Spotting Lies And Tracing Emotions

Comforting Your Soul With Truth

SPEAKER_00 0:15

When I hear the phrase, you'll be okay, I want to cry. This statement from a friend struck something in me. My first thought was, me too. Then I got curious about why that would be my reaction. Why is it anyone's reaction? The phrase makes me want to cry when it's not what I need to hear. I may know that I will be okay. I may need someone to validate how I feel. To understand it's hard without offering an answer. Sometimes it makes me feel unheard, like they'd rather I kept my struggle to myself. Shame, that all too familiar feeling of not being enough. Smart enough, fast enough, productive enough, strong enough, never enough. I'm familiar with shame storms. They can be big and ugly. One day I had failed to follow through on something important to my husband and to myself, and the shame hit hard. The storm cloud of I always screw up. I'm never going to get any better at this. Why can't I make this change? You're pathetic. And more swirled in my head and in my heart. The storm was more intense because there were some big hurt feelings in there too. It took staying in the storm and looking around to see them. I used to live in a shame storm. I would do my best to keep it at a dull roar, but it was always there, ready to kick back in. It was always there, ready to kick back up to hurricane force. And then I learned to quiet the storm. I could shut it down by identifying the lies and asking Holy Spirit for the truth. And now I'm learning to face the storm. I'm safe enough to watch the storm. I see more than the lies. I see the emotions fueling the storm. I can take note and spend time with the Lord to see the wounds that created those emotions. I can receive healing and truth. It wasn't any fun to be in that storm. It's quite a victory to see I weathered it and came out stronger. I know myself better. I'm more aware of what I'm dealing with, of what's been keeping me stuck. If you experience shame storms, have you learned to identify the lies? Have you learned to sit with the emotions that create the storm and see where they came from and receive healing for that? Do you know how to take those things to the Lord to get his perspective? Do you know how to sort through what are your thoughts and what are the enemy's thoughts? Because while I was thinking, I always screw up, I'm never going to get any better at this. Why can't I make this change? There was also that you're pathetic. Do you see the difference in that? There were three I statements and one you statement. So I was being very mean to myself and the things I was saying. But the enemy was right there, fueling that, telling me how pathetic I was. And probably also telling me that I always screwed up and I was never going to get any better. And I was never going to change. Being able to identify those thoughts to see where the enemy is stirring things up and lying to me. But then also to be able to look at my emotions and see I feel the way I feel for a reason. And it could be the current situation, like the example I shared. I had done, I didn't share the details, so I don't remember what I had done that let my husband and myself down. So there was current emotions from doing that. But the reason that it was able to kick up to Hurricane Force is because there was still a lot of old emotions of letting myself down and letting other people down that hadn't been resolved, that still felt fresh, like it's just happening again. Instead of being able to just deal with the current situation for what it was, there was all of the pressure from the past things that weren't taken care of, also. So learning to be safe with the Lord and be safe with yourself, where the things that you feel are okay, the thoughts that you think are okay, they don't define you. They're not okay in the sense of you want to keep them all around or that they're all true or that they're all. But noticing them and listening to them is helpful in the sense of giving you that insight of if today's failure was a five or even a seven, but my reaction, my emotional reaction to it is a 10, then that means I'm not just dealing with today. And that is super helpful information. And when if I look at the thoughts, if those had all been you statements that you screw up and you're never going to get any better at this, and you can't change because you're pathetic, how much easier to see, like, oh, that is the enemy. And so now I know what to do with those thoughts. I know how to see that's not true. I know how to bring my spirit. I know how to separate my soul from my spirit, and my spirit hears from the Lord, hears from Holy Spirit, and connects with that truth and that peace, that safety in the Lord, that then I can comfort my soul like David would do in the Psalms. He talked to his soul. This is who God is. So why are you discouraged? And I don't believe that that's a condemnating. I don't believe that's spoken in condemnation or shame. But if it's spoken with curiosity and compassion, and your soul can be able to respond that this is why I feel downcast, because this feels like it's happened a million times, or it feels like this thing that happened a long time ago that I was helpless to fix. And then your spirit can step in and be like, yes, I understand. That makes so much sense. And now we have all the resources of heaven. So we don't have to feel that way anymore. We don't have to be powerless and stuck. We have the tools to forgive and repent and release of whatever we need to do to overcome and move on. So if you're experienced shame storms and you'd like someone to help you walk your way out of them, I would love to hear from you. You can schedule a call, and I will see you on the next episode.