Christmas, community and turning trauma into triumph with Sarah

Welcome to our Christmas edition. If you’re feeling the festive pinch, you’re not alone. Sarah is a single mum of four who is choosing to look on the bright side of Christmas despite a tough year. She’s worked hard to overcome severe depression and PTSD and has regained her confidence thanks to volunteering at Bread and Butter. Join Mark and Alex as they chat to Sarah who’s turned her trauma into something positive – teaching, and is now looking forward to the new year.

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:11

Hello, welcome back to A Slice of Bread and Butter with Mark and Alex from the Bread and Butter Thing. We're a charity that delivers affordable food to the heart of struggling neighbourhoods, to help nourish communities and act as a catalyst for change.

Speaker 2 0:22

We provide access to a nutritious, affordable range of food, which means our members can save money on their shopping.

Speaker 1 0:28

Feed their families healthily as well as access other support too, right in the heart of their communities. Yeah, and this is where we share a slice of life with somebody involved in bread and butter and hear about how they connect with us. So who is today, sarah? Today and I think there's all sorts to pick apart from this, but it's a Christmas special, shall we say.

Speaker 2 0:50

I feel like we need bells.

Speaker 3 1:01

I'm Sarah. I'm 36. I'm a single mum to four children. I've got an 18-year-old, 16-year-old, a 14-year-old and a 5-year-old. That must be hard, are they all at home still? The 16-year-old lives with the dad, the two boys live with me and the youngest is half and half half the time with me and half the time with the dad.

Speaker 1 1:21

What does it look like on a daily basis, trying to cook for the family? Chaos, that's all I can say.

Speaker 3 1:27

It's chaos. Everyone eats different things.

Speaker 1 1:31

Yeah, are they fussy eaters?

Speaker 3 1:33

Yes, my eldest fantastic. He'll eat everything. He'll mix things together to make his own little plate. But then I've got Tommy that will literally like eat the bare minimum. So he's very fussy so what's his go-to?

Speaker 1 1:50

chicken nuggets on their own on their own ton of ketchup barbecue sauce barbecue sauce had to be. So your eldest. He is receiving benefits yes, he is and are you receiving benefits? Are you working? I is, and are you receiving benefits? Are you working?

Speaker 3 2:05

I'm receiving universal credit.

Speaker 1 2:07

Do you manage to make it stretch?

Speaker 3 2:09

Enough just to pay the bills, nothing else.

Speaker 1 2:12

So when you say pay the bills, you mean your house and energy, you don't mean food right.

Speaker 3 2:17

Food's not included.

Speaker 1 2:18

So who's paying for your food?

Speaker 3 2:20

Luckily enough, I've got my mum, who will do us a bit of a food shop each week for us, and she'll buy my bread and butter every Thursday for me.

Speaker 1 2:29

You'd be pretty much up the creek if it wasn't for mum.

Speaker 3 2:32

Yes, I would.

Speaker 1 2:33

So you just trained as a TA. Are you looking to start in school sometime?

Speaker 3 2:40

I'm hoping to. I'm just waiting to see if I could do a bit of work experience first and then hopefully, if a position becomes available. I'm hoping to. I'm just waiting to see if I could do a bit of work experience first and then hopefully if a position becomes available because I'd like to stay where I am. Have you worked before? Yeah, I used to work for. Workhalls. Oh yeah, Started off on the tills and then went into till supervisor.

Speaker 3 3:01

And did you stop work. When they went bust, or beforehand Before, I had quite a severe relapse on my mental health, so it was better for me to leave, because I just wasn't handling being around too many people and it was affecting them trying to find people to cover me. So I thought the best option was to walk away.

Speaker 1 3:19

Tell me about the hub you go to. Do you just go and get your bags? Do you volunteer?

Speaker 3 3:23

I volunteer for the bread and butter. So I'm there bagging, getting everything ready, and then I'll also buy a set everybody's got the favorite bit to do.

Speaker 1 3:34

Some people want to go every week and get on the chill van. Some people want to do veg, etc. What's yours? I'm covered, covered, every time covered every time. No one's allowed to touch my section yeah, everybody does get quite protective, it's good.

Speaker 3 3:47

It's your little space.

Speaker 1 3:49

Yeah.

Speaker 3 3:49

You know what to do.

Speaker 1 3:50

Yeah.

Speaker 3 3:51

How to do it.

Speaker 1 3:52

So why did you do it?

Speaker 3 3:53

Just to get out the house. It's just gave me more courage. I suffer with mental health quite badly. I used to stay in all the time, never used to go out, so it got me out the house. I'm helping people and it's opened a lot more doors. I've started doing courses. I've just qualified as a TA. It's just a nice feeling, just to help people.

Speaker 1 4:15

Do you mind me asking about your mental health? What have you been diagnosed with?

Speaker 3 4:19

Severe depression and PTSD. I was severely bullied when I was at school and I was pretty much beat every day, so I've always had a fear of going into a school. So obviously this has helped got me back into a school and feeling comfortable in that environment.

Speaker 1 4:38

That's tough and that's really brave as well, actually.

Speaker 3 4:41

Thank you.

Speaker 1 4:42

The volunteering has helped you get back into an environment. That's a scary environment as a school, but also seems to be helping you meet new people, do new things yeah, it is tell me about the bunch that you volunteer with they're crazy.

Speaker 3 4:57

Um no, they're all lovely. They're really supportive. The hub lead is amazing. She can never do enough for us. The drivers that we get. They're always down to earth. I'll have a joke with those. It's just really nice, it's just fun. It's the only way I can describe it. It's just we enjoy it, we love it.

Speaker 1 5:19

I'm a bit older than you, but I know it can be knackering as well.

Speaker 3 5:22

At first it took it out of us. We were like, coming home, right, we're having tea early and we're going to bed early, but now I probably do it two or three times in a day because we've got so much into a routine, we know what we can push and what we can't.

Speaker 1 5:37

You've almost gone backwards a bit with your mental health and with work and everything. When you left Wilco but you found bread and everything. When you left Wilco but you found bread and butter. You started volunteering and you've started to do more courses and more training and stuff. That's quite a step. Did anybody encourage you to do that, or did you do it on your own? Did you just feel like you had to do it?

Speaker 3 5:57

I don't know. I just like the feeling, because our bread and butter room is an old classroom, so it just felt really nice and the fact that when the kids walk through they're like hi, miss. And it was like, do you know what? I quite like that and I like to have that little bit of authority and the kids looking up to me. So I was like I'm going to go do something. And then I was searching for courses online and then this teaching assistant bundle was available and it was on special offer, so my auntie paid for me to do the course and it took me about six months.

Speaker 1 6:33

I think it's brilliant. So you've done it all as a home study, have you? Yes?

Speaker 3 6:36

So helping in school during the day, doing bits and bobs with the PTA, discos and making decorations and stuff, and then come home and then study until I go back, pretty much and it's the same school where the bread and butter is. Yes, yeah, it's the same school I love it.

Speaker 1 6:53

I think it's brilliant. So we know that money doesn't stretch. What would you say is a luxury to you nowadays? Do you ever get a chance to actually have any?

Speaker 3 7:09

It'll probably be like the crisps and the biscuits in the cupboard for after tea and stuff like that. We don't get any of that anymore.

Speaker 1 7:15

It's a typical mum answer. You're always answering about your kids, but I'm looking at you and it's like what luxury is Sarah missing?

Speaker 3 7:23

Oh God, I really don't know it's been that long. I've always put the kids first, always, Like when we've gone shopping, like if we go Morrison's, like just going and sitting in the cafe and having a brew. Yeah, I do miss that a bit.

Speaker 1 7:43

I like my hot chocolate what do you or did you do for fun?

Speaker 3 7:48

um, I'm into my arts and crafts and I'll sit and color, do drawing or make things play on the xbox when was the last time you did some drawing? Oh, would have been a few weeks ago doing the decorations for the school disco. Well, decorations.

Speaker 1 8:06

I can see a little bag with penguins on skis and santa hats on the stuff. So christmas is coming yeah what does that feel like for you?

Speaker 3 8:14

this one. It just feels like it's not gonna happen for us. There's just nothing spare for the kids at all. I've got enough to pay the bills and that's it. I was just lucky that I got a couple of bits from the bread and butter last week because they were selling some gift sets off at silly prices. My mum's gave them £30 each to get something, so at least they've got something off me. That'll be it for them this year, and it doesn't help that my youngest birthday is two weeks before Christmas as well. Busy time for us.

Speaker 1 8:48

What do you think you're going to do for Christmas then? Are you going to decorate? Are you going to go to your mum's?

Speaker 3 8:53

We'll still decorate, because I'm Christmas mad. If they had my way, my tree would be up now. I love my Christmas lights. I think we'll go into the kid's dad's. He'll probably put dinner on for us and then we cook for my mum because she's on her own. So they'll still have the Christmas dead. They just won't have as many presents as what they're used to, and what does that feel like for you?

Speaker 3 9:15

it feels like I let them down because I'm not one for spoiling them anyway, but I always like to make sure they've got like a good variety of stuff. So things to play with, things to wear, maybe some books, and this time I can't, can't even do that.

Speaker 1 9:31

I'm sorry, because it's quite gloomy and we're talking about Christmas and that's touching all sorts of nerves that I can only apologize for, sarah, but it's a double tough time because do your kids? Are they eligible for free school meals? Yes, they are so it's a bit of a double whammy then, isn't it? When they're, they're off.

Speaker 3 9:46

Yep Do you eat your house at home?

Speaker 1 9:49

Yeah, On school holidays do you manage to get enough food in the house so that they can eat you out of house and home?

Speaker 3 9:56

We just about scrape by Like the 14-year-old. He's like elite every minute of the day A bomb.

Speaker 1 10:03

that's true, right, yeah.

Speaker 3 10:04

So it's literally being really strict with them and saying look, you can have breakfast, dinner and tea. There's no extras, because otherwise there'll be nothing left for tomorrow. And then you get the usual oh, I'm hungry, you're starving me, you're not feeding me, I'm like but I am, you just need to calm down a little bit.

Speaker 3 10:21

Yeah so you're not going to fall for the trap of credit and borrowing. No, I won't go for loans and stuff like that. When we had first had jake, we like wanted it to be a really big thing jake your eldest yes.

Speaker 3 10:36

So we, like, did get loans just to make sure we got everything we wanted to get him at the time. And then it just follows you because you're constantly having to pay that back, which leaves you short for everything else. So it's like, no, I'm not going to do it this time did you manage to repay it all?

Speaker 1 10:50

yeah do I ask how long?

Speaker 3 10:54

probably about 12 months, maybe a little bit longer.

Speaker 1 10:57

Christmas is going to be a tough one. Yep, you're going to make the best of it, and I'm sure you will, as a mum. I guess after that it's January, isn't it? Yeah, and that feels like the longest month of the year last question from me what's the funniest thing you've ever had at a bread and butter?

Speaker 3 11:12

well, the funniest thing we had was the van was very late. We were panicking like are we going to get this done ready in time of service, and then we opened the boxes and it was bird seed, cat food. You know the bird fatty balls. There was them, and we're like, right, people can't eat these. What we're gonna do and what did you? Do. Luckily enough, we found some stuff at the back of the van, so we managed to at least put something together. We were laughing for ages.

Speaker 1 11:40

We were like we can't feed them bird seed I think it's brilliant that everybody just comes together and supports in the camaraderie and he pulled it out of the bag, whoever it was, but the fact that you can laugh about it.

Speaker 3 11:52

Well, if we didn't laugh, we would have cried, we really would have cried.

Speaker 1 12:03

Okay, so lots to unpick with Sarah, first of all, we've talked about this now it's like a common theme the bravery of people, our members, being able to just find some reason to actually address some of their issues around loneliness. Or, with Sarah, it was PTSD around going back into a school. After a lifetime of bullying at school, I mean what an amazing transformation to come into the school, to start volunteering at Bread and Butter and now learning to be a TA and hopefully getting a job there as a TA. What a journey.

Speaker 2 12:39

It's just brilliant, isn't it? And the fact that she's so territorial about the cupboard, the cupboard store. I love that that her confidence is at that level. She's really ready to take ownership of something.

Christmas Struggles and Triumphs

Speaker 1 12:53

Yeah, yeah. I think it's an amazing journey and credit to Sarah, and we see so many people every day and it literally is every day that are like Sarah, that are just incredible people that are turning their lives around but not even thinking that they're in survival mode or anything. They're just cracking on, Cracking on. Rolling their sleeves up and cracking on.

Speaker 2 13:16

Absolutely the fact that she has to cook four different teas for her four different kids every night alone. She gets an absolute round of applause. From me, a triple gold star for that. Yeah, she really does and shout out for her mum. What an absolute hero. Yeah, to have that support behind her. I mean, she knows she's very lucky. So many people potentially don't.

Speaker 1 13:44

Again. Yeah, we see, we compare and contrast. We see people that have got grandparents funding families that are struggling to get by, and there is a history to that. You know, we would all like to look after our grandkids and support them and all the rest of it with treats Not everyday shopping, though, because that's just helping people get by. That's subsidising lifestyles that are not expensive lifestyles. They're just what we'd expect. I don't know someone's broken when it gets to that level, and the very fact that this is the christmas gig, right, what's christmas going to look like? I mean, grandma's stepped in and give the kids 30 quid each for presents, because that that's what they're getting right. So, you and I, what's your budget? It's nowhere near 30 quid for your kids, and same with me, and I feel really reflective when I hear that story of sarah's, because I'm sure that sarah's struggling with the fact that she's also not being able to provide those presents mum guilt is real.

Speaker 1 14:45

Yeah, the mum guilt is real.

Speaker 2 14:45

Yeah, the mum guilt is real, but I love the fact that the decks are still going up.

Speaker 1 14:49

Yeah, and we'll be up all year.

Speaker 2 14:53

And she will no doubt make sure that those kids have the best day possible. I have absolutely no doubt of that. But the added pressure of presents is the fact that she's got to feed her kids for two weeks now because there's no school support.

Speaker 1 15:11

Exactly, exactly, and again, everybody on free school meals feels it. But there's a lot of what they call holiday activity funds and support around the summer holidays for this stuff. But it needs to get wider, because Christmas is the most expensive time of the year and that's when everybody expects right. That is the peak moment in the majority of households across the country when they know that they've got to find something a bit special, as well as everybody eating you out of house and home routinely. And there's no free school meal support, there's no holiday activity fund note shocking really. Yeah, it puts the stress on again, which is why it's such a difficult time as well as such a joyous time christmas because I'm sure it's lovely having all the family around, but if you don't feel like you can feed them, it must be a real challenge maybe we do a catch-up episode with sarah on the other side oh, that'd be nice.

Speaker 1 16:07

yeah, we should do that, shall we yeah.

Speaker 2 16:09

Yay.

Speaker 1 16:10

What I did like as well is that she recognised that debt is not an easy answer. It's not a quick fix. Debt, for me, is something that can help, but at the same time, if you get in debt just for everyday things, it's telling you there's a problem and the debt people won't tell you that. The people that are giving you credit so that you can pay your electricity bill or pay your shopping bill, are not telling you that they don't care because, frankly, you're going to borrow again and again, and again, because that's a vicious cycle.

Speaker 1 16:40

Once you're in, well, we all, we all put something on of summer on the drip at christmas oh, yeah, yeah it's happening, yeah it's happening, ugh, but I think, overall, I think sarah's top drawer, mom top drawer for getting hold of her, her own mental health and making those huge steps back into employment through volunteering etc. I think what an amazing woman and I'm just humbled by it.

Speaker 2 17:12

Yeah, it's really come full circle from PTSD at school and now she's actually looking for a job in a school. I know she's taken ownership of her confidence and the cupboard area.

Speaker 1 17:24

Yeah, yes, god forbid anyone touches that cupboard area. Yeah, yes, god forbid anyone touches that cupboard area. So if you'd like to know more about bread and butter thing and the things that we get up to, you can find us on team tbbt, on instagram and twitter, on linkedin or online at bread and butter thingorg and if you have any feedback or thoughts on the podcast or would like to come and be our guest, drop us an email at podcast at bread and butter thingorg and lastly, we're always open to new members at all of our hubs, so if you or someone you know would benefit from our affordable food scheme, you can find your nearest hub on the Become a Member page of our website.

Speaker 2 18:11

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Speaker 1 18:16

No, you do sound needy now.

Speaker 2 18:19

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Speaker 1 18:23

See you next time. See you next time. You're not going to say bye, bye.