A Slice of Bread and Butter
The voice of The Bread and Butter Thing - with stories from the frontline of the cost of living crisis from one of the UK's leading food charities.
A Slice of Bread and Butter
Lost and Found: Farid's Journey
What drives a 15-year-old boy to flee his home country alone, crossing dangerous borders in darkness to reach safety thousands of miles away? For Farid, it was the Taliban's targeting of his family due to his father and brothers' work with Afghan special forces.
Nine years after that perilous journey, Farid has built a life in Newcastle – a city he chose for its "chill" atmosphere after exploring several UK locations. His path hasn't been without challenges; in an ironic twist, after surviving his migration journey, a BMX accident left him with permanent nerve damage and disability. Now caught in bureaucratic limbo between immigration authorities and benefits agencies, he's been without disability payments for ten months.
Enter Betty – a 48-year-old Newcastle resident who first encountered Farid at the college where she works. Seeing a young man struggling with injury, homelessness, and language barriers, she took him under her wing, eventually becoming his registered carer. Betty's own journey from London through an arranged marriage brings another dimension to their story – two people from vastly different backgrounds forming a powerful bond through compassion and mutual support.
This episode delves into the realities of refugee experiences beyond headlines and statistics. We explore the ongoing worries Farid carries for his family, now refugees in Iran facing discrimination and uncertainty. We witness how community forms in unexpected ways, and how everyday acts of kindness can transform lives. Betty and Farid's relationship challenges us to consider what makes a family and reminds us of our capacity to connect across cultural differences.
Listen to this moving conversation about resilience, bureaucratic challenges, and the healing power of human connection. Share your thoughts and experiences with us on social media or email podcast@breadandbutterthing.org.
Welcome back to A Slice of Bread and Butter with Vic and Mark and me, nina, from the Bread and Butter thing. We're a charity that delivers affordable food to the heart of struggling neighbourhoods to help nourish communities and act as a catalyst for change.
Speaker 2:We provide access to a nutritious, affordable range of food, which means that our members can save money on their shopping.
Speaker 1:They can feed their families healthily, as well as accessing other support too, right in the heart of their communities, and this is where we share a slice of life of somebody involved in bread and butter and hear about how they connect with us. And this week we've been chatting to Farid. Let's go.
Speaker 4:My name is Farid. I live in Newcastle in nine years. I'm originally from Afghanistan. I'm originally from Afghanistan. I'm 24 years old. That's me. Hello everyone. Yes, so my name's Betty, I'm 48 years old and I live in Newcastle as well. So I live in the west end of Newcastle in the lovely Benwell.
Speaker 5:Farid from Afghanistan as a child by the sounds of it. If you're 24 now and you've been here nine years, that must have been a tricky journey. Can you tell us a bit about that?
Speaker 3:yeah, it was really hard to like. When I I was coming like illegally to like in this country like and passing by each country, you see like the dangerous, like the threat you get from by police, from by people in the darkness at the night time and I was like it's scary. We try to like escape all those borders and countries to come to get like ourself to the uk to like as a be safe and we can like do my study and like play a bit and I can like stop my life. When you're by yourself and you come somewhere you don't know anything about rules and people, yeah, like by you, even a scare, you shy and things. You don't know where you start. But I try to social and make myself, get to know them and get help from them.
Speaker 3:Whatever I got problem as well. So why newcastle? Newcastlele, that's a good answer. Newcastle I like. I've been in London, I've been in Manchester, in Liverpool, other cities I like the Newcastle about, like the night out, as they say, the first chill city in the UK. That's for me I like to be chill.
Speaker 5:It's so cold up there, though that must be a contrast for you.
Speaker 3:I know it was the beginning when I come, it wasn't bothering me.
Speaker 5:Just for the record, I'm sat here in a hoodie yeah, I know you're doing a typical classic newcastle.
Speaker 3:You're sat there in a t-shirt I know I mean like at the beginning it wasn't bothering me about the coldness and two and a half years when I live in newcastle, I broke my leg right leg uh, that ankle with the bmx bike. I was cycling, you were doing tricks.
Speaker 5:Right, you were doing tricks on a bmx.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah and that trick is getting me back and I broke my leg and it's still, I got clean and nerve damage. Sometimes it it's cold. I don't like it, but I try to keep myself warm.
Speaker 5:Betty, are you born and bred?
Speaker 4:Yeah, so I was born in London and I've sort of through my life I've made my way further and further north, so I've been living in Newcastle for nearly 30 years now.
Speaker 5:Why the move north?
Speaker 4:Oh well, that's asking. So I had an arranged marriage. So in our culture in those days it was quite normal to sort of have an arranged marriage, where your parents, you know, they arrange a marriage and then ultimately the girl has to move in with the husband's family. So that's what happened with me. I have obviously since been divorced. I decided to stay here because, for me, I think I fell in love with the people here. You know, everybody's so lovely around here, sort of like this is my home now. My kids were studying here as well and I think I feel settled.
Speaker 5:So how did you guys meet?
Speaker 4:I'm a student.
Speaker 3:She's working at Newcastle College.
Speaker 4:And that's the end of the story.
Speaker 3:And we're getting to know like by every day, see each other Because I was studying for a long time.
Speaker 5:You've adopted him, right. That's what's going on here. It's a funny story.
Speaker 4:to be honest, Go on right. Do you want to tell it?
Speaker 3:No, it's just that I was saying like by the counting I was like going to get food and I pick up like four or five bananas and the lady said you're not allowed to pick up four or five bananas because for other people as well. I said I'm paying it, I'm not taking it free. You can sell more and you can make more money.
Speaker 4:I had to explain that when we get the bananas when they're coming in the morning we have to try and sort of space them out through the day. I sort of spaced them out through the day and if someone comes in the morning and takes them, all, there's nothing left for everyone. But you know, I think, what it is with Farid. I kind of did take him under my wing, because when I saw him you know he was in a boot.
Speaker 3:He was suffering with his leg. I was broken my leg, yeah.
Speaker 4:And I felt sorry for him and I remember I started sort of helping him with his English and stuff and with his English and stuff and then I was trying to help him with the pain sort of management of the leg and at one point he was actually homeless as well. So I kind of took him in and I think you know from then it just sort of progressed from a really good friendship. I'm Farid's carer because of the leg. He has a lot of issues and he is actually your registered disabled, aren't you.
Speaker 3:I just like the stops for for it's been like 10 months. I don't get any paid and I start. Honestly, she's with me and she she helped me and stuff and I'm I appreciate always when she have a time and she when I ask her. She say no to me and she always say yes and that's like kind of her to help me yeah.
Speaker 5:Carers for me, Farid, are people that are almost like a different breed.
Speaker 4:They just put everybody else first and not themselves and it sounds like you're one of those, betty, so praise to you. I try, I do try.
Speaker 3:Sometimes I'm a little bit hot, but like she's just ignoring me.
Speaker 4:I try.
Speaker 5:Yeah, I get it so farid you said they've stopped your payments yeah yeah, is this personal independent payments?
Speaker 3:yes, yeah, I don't get too much, but I'm a low standard like payment and I used to get like every month with the universal credit as well job and that was a little bit helping me to like not get a struggling end of the month sometime because I'm I'm like sometime I'm I buy it without like thinking to like to my budget. When I got like run out my document live in the UK and that's like kind of has gave me like hard situation to. They say, oh, you don't have any document to live in the UK because it's expired date for us. We can't contact home office and you need to like sort out and that's like kind of a ticket take along and also like um, they're saying you, you're fine, is is? Everyone when I spoke is saying different things and I and I'm just like uh, difficult, confused, you're stuck in the middle, yeah, and I say I need to one person who knows everything about me and they can like make a decision but like yes, 10 months has been like I'm not getting anything.
Speaker 5:Let me see if I got this right. Your immigration status has not been updated, so the paperwork's out of sort of thing. So the benefits agency is saying that they can't give you any more personal independent payments because of that yeah, this change with the government has come with the own home office.
Speaker 3:Like they bring e-visa to you, be online and stuff, yep. But this one is just like I make a little bit like the independent, like personal independent, doesn't know about it much.
Speaker 5:OK, so because you're complicated.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 5:It takes a long time. Yeah, tricky and Betty, do you help with this?
Speaker 4:What we do is we try to get a solicitor, because what it is as far as currently applying for British citizenship and I'm not very familiar with the ins and outs and what needs to be done, so he is kind of getting doing that yourself, aren't you?
Speaker 5:yeah, and it's knowing where to go right to get the help.
Speaker 3:It's important like when you talk to someone, like when you tell your feeling, how you're struggling, how you're coping with like life to like every day you survive, and when they don't understand this, make you hurt more, you more. You should be honest and open your heart to tell someone what's going on with me, like 10 minutes or 20 minutes and they ignore that and they say, oh, I don't know, just make it.
Speaker 5:And that's when it gets tense right, because it gets really frustrating, because they're not hearing you. When did you leave Afghanistan? Would you mind telling me why? And a bit about your family.
Speaker 3:Maybe are your family still there I left afghanistan and the end of 2015 because of my dad, my big brother, like I got four brothers they're all older than me and they work in a special force army in Afghanistan in the back of the old government, when I was like there and I was going to school and stuff. But like sometimes I get like followed by some stranger coming to like with the motorbike to try to ask me and I was scared and I like tried to run to other people or run to back home. It was risky to be by myself, to go and come, and my dad was the same. Like you need to maybe go to somewhere to you can be safe and you can like finish your study Because, like my mom, I was the middle of my studying. How old were you then? I?
Speaker 5:was 15. So you're just walking to school and then some random turns up on a motorbike.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 5:Smiles at you and says, can we have a ride on the bike?
Speaker 3:And I used to love to ride a motorbike. But my dad never said if you don't know anyone, don't get too close to them, because they will kidnap you or they will harm you. So are your family still back there, some of them in Afghanistan, but my two big brothers in Iran and my dad and mom is there in Iran.
Speaker 5:Because I guess they weren't safe once the Taliban came back in control.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they left soon as the Taliban they take over. My mom and dad and my brothers left Afghanistan, but before my brother first left, my dad was in Afghanistan. They keep Taliban coming asking because of my big brother who was in the army, like they was coming to ask my dad where's your son? Yeah, he was a target, yeah, he was the target. And my mom said I can't live my life if they keep coming and going. They are risk to like they can take you in a second and without any reason. Are they safe? It's just that Iran, they don't like Afghan people, refugees. Even if you got a visa, when they be racist with you and they will deport you back from Iran, you're not welcome here and it's just hard. Are you still in touch with them? Not always. Sometimes they got my number and everything. When they get online and they will message and wherever I am, I quickly stop and try to talk to them and get in touch and I can hear their voice.
Speaker 5:I interviewed Farid with Betty and Betty will come up on a separate podcast because Betty's got a fascinating story of her own. But what a dude. And what other 15 year olds would you ever think of experiencing similar things?
Speaker 2:yeah, I can only well, I can't imagine what farid has had to face and how scary some of that will have been, yeah, being separated from your family.
Speaker 5:It's um a lot for a 15 year old to deal with I guess for me as well, it's just like farid's come into a relatively safe space. I'm sure that he still has a lot of challenges and there will be people because of his immigration status looking at him and causing him problems in this country, but nothing in comparison to what it sounds like his family is facing in Iran exactly, and that constant worry about them must be really hard to deal with and not being there to support them with that and in this kind of interconnected world it's only when they have signal or have got a phone that they can actually be in touch with him.
Speaker 5:So he can't just drop him a quick text and say you okay, he's like he's gotta wait, he's gotta wait and see.
Speaker 2:Yeah that's really tough, but it feels like he's already become part of the community and you know. Props to Betty for clearly being a catalyst in helping Farid kind of settle in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, learning to be independent and, you know, build a life for himself.
Speaker 5:Well, she's adopted him, hasn't she?
Speaker 1:Let's face it. I think we all want a Betty to adopt us, don't we?
Speaker 5:Yeah definitely yeah, but it's fascinating because it's that other thread that comes through everything that we talk about. Betty's clearly a carer and she's gone out there. She didn't know Farid from Adam, didn't know him at all but could see that it was somebody that needed help and support, and what an amazing journey they're on together. But snaps to Betty definitely.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's one of those things again that it's so hard to navigate the red tape. So Farid's wanting to do the right thing. Yeah, it's a really prolonged and tricky process that it feels like he's kind of working through.
Speaker 5:I felt a sense of irony Vic, when he's been through all this trouble and struggled to get into the UK and he's gone from city to city and he's found his home up in Newcastle and then he breaks his bloody leg on a BMX. I just thought you can't make it up really.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's gone through a lot worse than breaking that leg, for sure.
Speaker 5:Exactly, it just felt. Oh, just when you relax.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean I think Farid's done amazingly well and I think none of us could ever imagine what would possess anybody to try and cross a load of countries to get to somewhere that they perceive as safe, but they've got no knowledge of that country and they don't speak the language and all of that. I think it's unfathomable in my head. What would make me do that? But sadly I feel like there's not a lot of empathy from certain people in the UK, which makes that a tricky thing for people like Farid and then for people that want to support them. So I'm sure that Betty's also being judged in the community for the amazing work that she's just been such a good Samaritan, but she's probably come up against some challenges with that too.
Speaker 5:That's kind of what I was saying about his family as well, because Farid was saying how his brothers, when the Iranian families, the Iranian guys that are their neighbors, recognize them as Afghani refugees, they cause trouble for them and fight with them. I'm sure it's probably more hostile than anything Farid's experiencing.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 5:It's tough, it's really tough. Hopefully, farid is finding his way and Betty's there supporting him, and we will look forward to hearing from Betty in future podcasts.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so if you'd like to know more about the bread and butter thing and what we get up to, you can find us at team tbbt, on instagram, tiktok, twitter linkedin or online at thebreadandbutterthingorg and if you have any feedback or thoughts on the podcast or would like to come and be our guest, drop us an email at podcast at breadandbutterthingorg lastly, we're always open to new members at all of our hubs, so if you or someone you know would benefit from our affordable food scheme, you can find your nearest hub on the become a member page on our website and please do all those things the podcast asks you to do.
Speaker 1:Like us, subscribe, leave us a review, share us with your friends, chat about us on social is that it, you're done?
Speaker 5:yeah, we're done thanks, you're not even saying goodbye, oh bye, bye, nina, see you next time.
