When Your Christmas Dinner Is Crisps, Neighbours Become Heroes

A single night can upend a life. Paula opens up about the assault that left her husband Steve with a brain injury and a stroke, and how their steady, working‑class routine collapsed into uncertainty—savings drained, work gone, debts calling and a home suddenly quiet where Sunday dinners used to anchor the week. What follows is a candid, moving account of caregiving, hospital corridors and the slow work of rehab, where a whiteboard stands in for memory and old songs help knit language back together.

We walk through the hidden costs of crisis—petrol for daily visits, parking, scrapped tools and a vanished van—and the brutal gaps that self‑employed families face when benefits arrive late, if at all. Paula shares the difference that dignity makes: at a Bread and Butter Thing hub, members pay a small amount for surplus fruit, veg, fridge food and staples, but the real gift is being greeted by name, not by a form. The hub becomes a pause button on a hard week, a place to breathe, cry if needed and gather strength before heading home. It is food security and social medicine in one.

Community shines brightest in the margins. A unit manager forgives fees and sparks a crowdfund; strangers settle debts; volunteers from Salford Families in Need quietly buy presents and help with heating bills. We talk about how music rekindled parts of Steve’s identity, the realities of living with agitation and hearing loss, and the fragile but real path to a new normal. Along the way, there’s dark humour too—like the Christmas dinner that was just chicken crisps—and the relief of watching the grandkids rummage for treats again.

If stories of resilience, neighbours and practical kindness move you, press play. Subscribe for more human‑centred conversations, share this episode with a friend who needs it and leave us a review to help others find the show.

Transcript

Welcome And Christmas Context

SPEAKER_01 0:10

Hello and welcome back to a slice of bread and butter with me, Vic, and Mark. We're from the Bread and Butter Thing.

SPEAKER_02 0:16

We run a network of mobile food clubs that take surplus food from supermarkets, farms and factories, and we take it straight into the communities where families are struggling to get by.

SPEAKER_01 0:25

For less than a tenner, our members get bags packed with fruit, veg, fridge food, cupboard staples, and some frozen sometimes. It's a weekly shop that helps stretch the budget and take some of the pressure off.

SPEAKER_02 0:35

And our members are at the heart of everything we do. They turn food into friendship and neighbours into community, and that's what makes us tick.

SPEAKER_01 0:43

Yeah, and today it's Paula. Mark, tell us about Paula.

Paula’s Life Upended

SPEAKER_02 0:46

Okay, so we're doing something a bit different. This is our Christmas episode, and five years ago, Paula's husband was badly assaulted, and it totally turned their lives upside down. We felt that the joy of community as well as the sorrow that Paula felt is something that we wanted to share, so it's just a really emotional chat.

SPEAKER_01 1:10

Yeah, huge thanks to Paula. Her story is really moving. So I don't think there's a lot we can say, Mark.

SPEAKER_02 1:18

No, I think we just gotta let Paula do her thing. So here's Paula.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

My husband was assaulted. Steve was self-employed, he was a roofer. He ended up with brain damage and then he had a stroke a couple of hours later after being assaulted. And he was uh in hospital for four months. He struggles now, he'll never work again. So I had to give up my job. I worked in a nursery full time. We didn't get any help from the government because he was self-employed, and it was a real, real struggle. It was a family member that told me about the bread and butter. It's been a lifesaver we wouldn't have been able to manage, seriously, if you wasn't there. I did go to a food bank, but I did feel a little bit ashamed going, like I was kind of begging. But coming here, you know, you're treated like friends and you don't have to repeat your story. Everybody knows, and everybody's always, you know, how's Steve? How are you? Are you coping? You know, do you need anything? It's been a life changer.

The Night Of The Assault

SPEAKER_02 2:44

Can we delve a bit? Do you mind? No, no. Can you take me back? What was life like before Steve got assaulted?

SPEAKER_00 2:50

Before he was assaulted, I was a full-time deputy manager at nursery in Earlham. Steve was a full-time roofer. He worked around Bowdoin. He never advertised. He had a good reputation, you know. He had three young lads working for him. We had a reasonable life. We work in class, but if we wanted to go to the pub and have have a bit of a meal with friends, we could do. The grandkids always had lovely presents. You know, we used to have lovely big Sunday dinners, the family round, and and all that just went in a night.

unknown 3:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:26

He was actually going to Noddy Holder to do some leading for him. So he had like six rolls of lead in the back of the van. Knowing how much lead actually costs, you know, there was a fair amount of money actually sat in the van. And that night, I've got a brain tumour, by the way. So I had a brain tumor.

SPEAKER_02 3:44

Oh, you just happened to Jesus Christ boy.

SPEAKER_00 3:49

I I've got a brain, I'm on my second brain tumour. So I'd gone to bed with a bad head, and we had our granddaughter with us, Imogen. She was three months old then. So the cot was in the bedroom.

SPEAKER_02 4:01

And this is the night it happened.

SPEAKER_00 4:02

And this is the night that it happened. And I'd I'd put Imogen down for a sleep. And um I said to Steve, I left him watching match the day. He had a couple of glasses of red wine, and I said, I'm going to bed, I've got a really bad head. So I remember Steve staggering around the bed and groaning. And I feel so guilty about this next bit, what I'm gonna say. I actually told him to shush, he'd wake him a joint up and just get into bed quietly. Um not knowing that he'd been assaulted and he'd been laying on the floor outside the house for I don't even know how long, but he'd been knocked out, he was unconscious, and he came round.

SPEAKER_02 4:46

So he probably didn't know either.

SPEAKER_00 4:48

No, and then he just managed to get up the stairs, and then I'm telling him to be quiet. I thought he was drunk.

SPEAKER_02 4:54

Yeah, yeah.

Hospital, Stroke And Recovery

SPEAKER_00 4:55

And he wasn't. And then the following morning he sat up and he was just talking complete and utter gibberish, not making words, it was just jibble jabble. And I'm like, Are you still drunk? Why are you talking like this? You know, in the end, I dialed 911 and I spoke to a lady on the phone there, and she said, Ask him his name. And he he just looked at me with a blank expression on his face, and I said, He's just looking at me like he's looking through me. So she said, I'm sending an ambulance round, and the two paramedics came. They kept saying to me, Are you sure he's not had a blow to the head? And I'm saying, he's been in all night. He was he was watching match of the day, yeah. You know, they asked him to lift his arms up, he couldn't lift his arms up, and he was still talking gibberish to them.

SPEAKER_02 5:43

You're gonna say, so he couldn't tell them either, did he?

SPEAKER_00 5:45

No. And he kept saying a car, a car, the paramedic was saying, You're alright, Steve, your car's there, it's there. He was just really agitated. I'd never seen him in that state. And we got to the hospital and they said um he's had a stroke while he's been here. Over the next weeks, uh months, he started coming round a little bit. At first he couldn't speak or he didn't know who anybody was. The first time he looked at me, he called me Pansy. He couldn't remember my name, Paula. And a lot of the time in hospital, he'd say yes instead of no. So there was a one of the whiteboards behind him, and I just put on hi, I like to be called Steve. I drink coffee, one sugar, milk, and I just put all his little bits down, you know. They never ever they found the van in Felix Stowe on a container, all cut up, going over to India.

SPEAKER_02 6:47

Obviously, all the lead gone as well.

SPEAKER_00 6:49

So everything had gone, all his tools and and everything had had gone.

SPEAKER_02 6:54

Um Could he ever explain what happened to you? Can he even remember?

SPEAKER_00 6:58

He can't really remember. He just remembers staggering through the front door.

SPEAKER_02 7:03

And all the while, did you have savings? Did you have anything behind you? We had, probably we had because suddenly all the income stopped coming in. The briefing stopped coming in, your job stopped coming in.

SPEAKER_00 7:15

Yeah. We had about 3,000 savings, and that just went in the first year. It took us over a year to even try and get him some kind of universal credit. It was, you know, they dragged the feet and dragged the feet. And it used to annoy me sometimes because I've worked since I was 14. Yeah. You know, I worked on the farms bunching radish, and I've always worked, I've never ever not worked, and neither is Steve. You know, even at school, he'd bunk off school and he'd go to the golf club and he'd be picking golf balls out with his feet that, you know, that had landed in the in the water for some extra cash. And he used to go out every single day. He used to work weekends, you know. And all of a sudden I had this man in front of me, just different man, completely. And everybody's kind of suffered from it, from whatever the grandchildren or any of the children needed. We we always did it, you know, parties, we paid for parties, and from going from that to then going to I haven't got any money to buy anything, and having to go around second-hand shops and try and get something half decent and then bring it home and wash it. My two nieces were brilliant. I think Emily was about seven. She'd sit there with him and she'd bring books with phonics in, you know, and she'd go over everything with him. She just sat there and she wanted her uncle Steve back, you know.

SPEAKER_01 8:42

Beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 8:42

And it was a it was a very difficult time. And it was more hard for, you know, when are we coming to yours for Sunday dinner? You know, and you're trying to think, what can I say? When it it used to be something that we used to do all the time, and then next thing you can't, you can't afford to do it.

SPEAKER_02 8:59

And it just felt Because it's not it's not only the capability of Steve, is it? It's the fact that you can't actually put food on the table. Exactly. Yeah.

From Security To Scarcity

SPEAKER_00 9:06

Exactly. And that's the worst thing. We had one Christmas and we had a packet of chicken crisps, you know, and that was our Christmas dinner. And uh Yeah, we've had it tough. We've both been through it, but we've got good good friends, and like I say, without bread and butter, we would have really, really struggled. We really would. I mean, the grandkids now, all the sweets, I just throw them in the bottom of the drawer in the kitchen, and that's the first place to go to, you know. And it's nana. Can I have this?

SPEAKER_02 9:37

I used to have a nana like that.

SPEAKER_00 9:38

You know, it's just uh without bread and butter, I don't know where we'd be. We'd probably be on the streets. Seriously.

SPEAKER_02 9:48

So tell me about life at the hub then. Do you volunteer?

SPEAKER_00 9:52

Life at the hub. I'm gonna start volunteering.

SPEAKER_02 9:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

Yeah. Um it's just a wonderful charity. Everybody there knows one another. Like I say, you're never meant to feel unwelcome. If they've got stuff over, they're like, Do you want another bunch of bananas? Or you know, have you got enough eggs, or do you want some more bread? They're just fabulous.

SPEAKER_02 10:16

And a lot of people say, like you did, Paula, about that it's my downtime, it's when I can just go and have my time.

SPEAKER_00 10:22

Yeah, I can just get in the car. I know Steve's safe, he's across the road, he's in one of the rooms where they play football, and I can just drive down here, I can have the radio blasting if I want it. If I've had a bad morning, I can have a cry going down, you know. And the minute you get out of the car and you walk through the school gates and everybody's there, and they just how are you? How is everything? Are you coping? Are you managing? Do you need a chat?

SPEAKER_02 10:49

I love it, I love it. That's what we talk about as like the beating heart of the community. Getting that respite. There's so many times I've heard people like yourself that have just said, Do you know what? Just that hour or two where I can just be mean.

SPEAKER_00 11:02

It's just what you need. Yeah. It just brings you back a bit more strength, and you go back and you've had a chat, you could have had a moan, you could have had a cry, you know, you've had a shoulder to lean on, they've given you a hug. Yeah. You know, and it's just it's therapy, it's like community therapy going, and plus you're getting lovely bags of food while you're there. It's it's lovely.

SPEAKER_02 11:23

Finance-wise, I can't imagine what you've been through, Paula, but there's two things going on in your head, right? Because it it's all about Steve and making sure that you're getting the best for Steve. But at the same time, you can see there's no money coming in. Where do the two collide?

Finding Dignity In Food Support

SPEAKER_00 11:38

It was very difficult. I mean Steve used to have um a unit where he used to store all his lead and roofing tiles and things, and that was at Earlam Fisheries, and there was a guy called Alan running it at the time. And I sat there and I thought, oh my god, we've not paid Alan at the fisheries for the unit. And I went down and I saw Alan and he asked you, it was like, you know, where's Steve? And I was like, he's in hospital. I told him the story about him being assaulted. And um it was like, I don't want your money. You know, he said, keep your money, you need that money. And um that afternoon he set up this go funding page for Steve, and I was getting messages on my phone, where do I put this money? And I'm like, Where do you put what money? This this go funding for Steve, where where do I donate this money? I was like, I don't know what you're talking about. So Brody set it up, Steve's son, and um we put it at£500, and um we got six thousand. Wow. Five of it went back to who Steve owed money to, and then the rest of the money just kind of went on parking and petrol, going to the hospital every day. I'd take in music because he said to him, Um, can you get him a little music player and bring some of his old CDs, the music? Because he forgot all his music and everything.

SPEAKER_02 13:08

What was his go-to then?

SPEAKER_00 13:09

Everything, really. Rock and roll, Elvis. He loved Elvis, beautiful South. That's that's like his range of all his music, you know. Yeah, real good mix. It'd slowly start getting the tunes back in his head, and then he started remembering some of the words, you know, and he was so pleased when I mean he still sings now and he gets the words completely wrong, but you know, we just laugh and you know, it just yeah, it just is there, you know, there could have been a point where he didn't come home and that would have been the end of my world. Um but he did, he did come home, and it's not the same man and married by no means. He struggles with a sense of humour, he gets very agitated, and he's deaf in one ear now as well. And sometimes it can be trying to have a laugh with somebody, and uh because he's always been really cheeky, but it can be having a laugh with somebody, and people can take it the wrong way. But yeah, we're gonna get in there, we're getting back to you know some new normal, yeah, yeah. And you know, all the savings were were gone. I've got£120 in my savings account now. I just keep putting a fibre away there and two pounds there, and but without the support, I just don't know. We'd have had to sell the house, I just don't know. And total strangers, you know, putting in amazing. That was the only way I was able to pay off Steve's debts, you know, and and that's that's how it how it happened. But the days of um packets of Chris now for Sunday dinners and Christmas dinner are are gone now.

SPEAKER_02 14:48

That's uh I love the fact that it was chicken flavoured.

SPEAKER_00 14:51

It had to be chicken flavoured Christmas Day, you know. It was just and literally we just sat in front of the TV. It was like something out of a Mike Lee film that I was just we had something to eat, that's all that mattered, you know. That's that's all it was.

SPEAKER_02 15:08

Just going back to the hub, I know you wanted to talk about these guys. So tell me about who these people are at the hub.

Respite And Belonging At The Hub

SPEAKER_00 15:14

They're actually from Salford Families in Need. Anthony Edkins and Juliet Landkinson. And those guys between them, they've bought most people presents for the children or the grandchildren out of their own pocket. And families that are really struggling to heat the homes at the minute, they support them with the with the bills. You think this day and age, I mean, through something happening so bad, you know, for every bad person, there's ten good, you know, and that's that's how you've just got to think about it, you know. There's always good people in the world.

SPEAKER_02 15:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:55

And you just try and do it back.

SPEAKER_01 16:19

Yeah, her story is wow. Huge thanks to Paula. So if you'd like to know more about the bread and butter thing and what we get up to, you can find us at Team TBBT on Instagram and Twitter, TikTok, LinkedIn, or online at breadandbutterthing.org.

SPEAKER_02 16:36

And if you have any feedback or thoughts on the podcast or would like to come and be one of our guests, drop us an email at podcast at breadandbutterthing.org.

SPEAKER_01 16:46

And we're always open to new members at all of our hubs. If you or someone you know would benefit from our affordable food scheme, you can find your nearest hub on the become a member page of the website.

SPEAKER_02 16:56

And please do all those things that podcasts asks you to do. Like us, subscribe, leave us a review, and share us with your friends. Or chat about us on social. So we will see you after Christmas. So Merry Christmas.

SPEAKER_01 17:10

See you in the new year.