181. How to Have Better Money Talks as a Couple: The Family Business Meeting

If money talks in your house feel tense—or they don’t happen at all—this is your new plan. Money doesn’t need to be a crisis conversation. In this episode, I’m walking you through the Family Business Meeting: a simple 20-minute weekly rhythm that brings clarity, lowers tension, and helps your kids learn money habits from your calm leadership—not from lectures.

In this episode you’ll learn:

• Why peace with money comes from rhythm, not perfection
• The 3 questions to answer every week so priorities don’t drift
• How to decide your “yes,” your “no,” and your next action for the next 7 days
• What to do when your spouse disagrees (with a “same team, same goal” script)
• How to include your kids without oversharing or making it weird

Want to turn this into a simple plan you can start this week? Download my free guide: 7 Steps to Set Your Kids Up for Financial Success. It’s built for parents who want peace with money—and want to pass that peace to their kids. 

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Transcript

Audio Only - All Participants-28: 0:00

If money talks in your house, feel tense, or they don't happen at all, this is your new plan. You're listening to the Money and Legacy Podcast with Laura Sexton. I'm helping families pay off debt, grow wealth, and build a legacy without sacrificing what matters most. This is where money feels easy. Okay, here's your headline guys. Money doesn't need to be a crisis conversation. If money feels heavy, tense, avoided, or we only talk about it when something goes wrong, you're not failing. You're just missing out on a really key rhythm of things. Today we're gonna talk about the family business meeting. This is where peace with your money comes from and it's peace inside your whole household, to be honest. So I'm gonna give you three questions that you wanna have answered during your family business meeting. Tell you what to do if your spouse disagrees, and we're gonna talk about how to include your kids without making it weird. We're building a legacy, now, my husband and I just had a conversation about money right before I came on here to record this podcast, and we're in the middle of the conversation. We're talking about this is an option or this is an option, or this is an option. There were a lot of things that we were considering, and they're all. Good things, but they're all a year away. So why are we talking about them now? Because now is a great time to talk about them. There's no imminent stress. We don't have to make the decision right this moment. We can talk through what are the options, what might it look like, what could be a positive, what could be a negative? There's no tension because we have time, maybe you're like, Hmm, well I don't always have the luxury of a year, and I get that these are things that you built in. These are rhythms that you want to establish because it makes it so much easier for you and your family to do all of the things if you do it on a rhythm as opposed to only doing it at a stress point. The worst money conversations we have ever had. Have been under stress and sometimes, to be completely honest, the worst ones we ever have are ones that we don't have. And we both keep sweeping under the rug and we're like, oh, I don't wanna talk about this. I don't wanna have this conversation. Let me tell you that there's so much peace that comes from finally having. That conversation, so much weight can be lifted off your shoulder because you choose to have a hard conversation. Just because you don't have hard conversations does not mean that you're not having tension. In fact, the hardest conversations are the ones that will grow your marriage the most. Your kids. They're not going to learn from money lectures. They're going to learn from your tone and how you talk about money. And if you don't ever talk about money, they're learning that too. Parents who want peace with money, they don't need to give out a whole bunch of information. They need a good rhythm to teach their kids without a rhythm. Money becomes solely reactive. It's just something we fight against or we deal with in the moment. Disagreements are gonna happen under pressure and kids are going to feel the stress, but with a rhythm, clarity becomes normal. We talk about it in the house. Teamwork becomes practiced, and the kids will feel the stability. For me, stress isn't dollars. It's the unknown, it's the uncertainty. So for me, anytime we talk about money, getting it clear, that's chef's kiss. That's the goal of things. So let's talk about what a family business meeting is. The goal for the meeting is clarity. Okay? It's not about perfection. This is not a solve everything all at once kind of situation. This is leadership in your home and this is how we're gonna tell our money where to go on purpose. So what does a family business meeting look like? Well, you're having a meeting about the business of your family. That means we're gonna talk about your calendar. You know who needs to go where, what time do we need to be at soccer practice? Who's taking Susie to, the baseball game while we're taking Jimmy to his friend's birthday party? We are going about the business of our family. So the calendar has to get taken care of, the relationship needs to be taken care of. When are we spending time together? When are we having a date night or is there a show that we're watching that is a musty calendar event? Some couples that I work with have things on their calendar, like sitting down to watch a show. Sometimes it seems like an intentional time together, especially when I have couples that are working on getting out of debt and they both have second jobs and they're just going, going, going. Sometimes it feels really good to say, okay, on Tuesday nights we're not gonna go out. We're just gonna sit down and watch this one show together. As long as we're intentional. It's okay to get intense. It's okay to get crazy, but we have to remain intentional because our relationship that is first and foremost inside this household, you need to make sure that your marriage is solid. If it is not, the kids are going to feel that, and the money fights are just going to get bigger and bigger. So family business, we're talking about calendar, we're talking about our relationship, and yes, we're talking about the money. Let's talk about what does the meeting actually look like? Like if we get into the specifics of things, a really good question to start with is what went right? So for me, I've got some goals like we eat at home. So our family business meeting could say, okay, what went right, we ate at home six out of the seven days of the week, and the seventh one was one that we had already planned on. That means we adhered to all of our goal That went right. We recovered after a hard moment. That's something to celebrate that went right. Your celebration is going to start the meeting off by breaking shame and building momentum. We're starting off with a celebration because gratitude gives us a good attitude. Gratitude will give you a good attitude. I'm teaching this in my Bible study right now where we're leaning on gratitude because it reduces anxiety. So if we start with gratitude, we are coming into this meeting, open, honest, we're starting at a positive. So that is where we want to start. Then there are going to be three questions, and these are three incredibly important questions that you want to focus in on to make this meeting go smoothly. Question one, what matters most to our family this week? Now, the family business meeting, this is a weekly thing. We're doing it every week because we have changing schedules and we have changing financial requirements. So every week. Question one. What matters most to our family this week? Is it peace? Maybe you've just come out of a crazy season. I have friends that are going into tax time and when they get out of their tax season, it's only gonna be peace is gonna be the only thing they're looking for. Debt payoff. Is that the most important thing to our family this week? For some of you it is, and it should be. Maybe it's margin, maybe it's generosity, maybe it's kids' activities without stress. That last part being key. What is most important to our family this week? For me this week, the most important thing for our family is that we stay within our rhythms. We are gearing up in a couple weeks to take a big trip across country and for right now, I will have the greatest peace if I stay within my rhythm and I get ahead with my work. In order to do that, I need my husband to back me up. I need him to watch the kids a little bit extra and things like that. So we've come into this, what is most important to our family this week, and we've set that you need to set your priority, right? So the next question that you wanna ask is, what are we choosing on purpose this week? I promise you, whether you're paying attention or not, you are choosing a priority. Some people, and they don't like to admit this, but some people's priorities is their phone scrolling, Instagram, watching Netflix. You may not want that to be your priority, but I promise if you just drift around. That could end up being the priority. And you're like, no, no, no, no. My kids are my priority. Does your time prove that? Does what you spend your money on, prove that. Because for a lot of us, we say our kids and our family are most important, but we are not spending our time or our money on our family or our kids, and we're spending our time scrolling on Instagram, numbing out, you know, avoiding our relationships. One of the most important things with these family business meetings is that we are choosing a priority on purpose this week. So you can have one, you can have two if you get beyond that. Now, the word priority, just for the record, it's one, it's singular. If you have more than one priority, you have more than one mountaintops, and that means you have more than one mountain. You can only climb one mountain at a time. So it's really important that you focus on one, and I will give you a second priority, but you wanna choose it on purpose. What is your purposeful priority this week? Question three is gonna be about your trade offs. What are you willing to trade for that? What are you willing to trade so that your priority is prioritized? And I want you to say the trade off, out loud. This is gonna create the peace. This is going to remove unstated expectations. When your expectations are not shared, other people cannot meet them. I wish that I could read my husband's mind. I feel like it would make our lives a lot easier. I wish I could read my children's minds. I wish I could read my parents' minds, but I cannot. If I could, I would not fail to meet their expectations. If it is not shared, it's not stated, it's not, claimed out loud, it is difficult for us to meet those expectations. So you've decided what matters most. You've chosen your purpose for the week, and you've set out loud what you're willing to trade to make that purpose happen. Then you need to decide what the next seven days looks like. You wanna say yes to those things that meet that priority? You wanna say no to places where you need to set a boundary. You need to establish one next action, probably part of a project that you're working on, and you might also choose to take one. Money moment with your children. This can be something really small. This could be something really big. There are new Trump accounts that are coming out that we are going to be able to start putting money into. I didn't look it up. I don't actually know when the timeframe is. I know that one of the timeframes is there's a$1,000 starter account for children born from January 1st, 2025 till December 31st, 2028. I believe there's$1,000 is being funded into that account. I know that because I have a one child that fits that requirement and at text time, I will be able to open those. So one tiny. Kid moment might be showing them an investment account that has their name on it. Some of you have set up five 20 nines or educational savings accounts for your children. Some of you have done TMAs or ugma. Some of you just have simple retirement accounts that you have earmarked for your children. Whatever it is, share with them. Let them see, oh, this is where your money's coming in. Maybe your tiny kid moment is payday. My kids are on a commission structure, so maybe your kids are on a commission structure and they have payday. If your kids are getting an allowance, maybe that's their money moment where you take them and you say, here's the money. What are we going to do with it? The most important thing with these money meetings is I want the two of you to state out loud. We're on the same team. Okay? Same team. By stating that you are on the same team, you create a level playing field, you know that the two of you, no matter what, no matter how tense the conversations get. You're on the same team, you have the same end goal. You have a plan at the end of this. If stuff doesn't work out perfectly to plan and things get messed up all the time, you just adjust for next week. It is totally okay to adjust. In fact, it's good to make adjustments and sometimes when we're building out this perfect week, we need to build in contingencies. My contingencies right now for we eat at home is a box of macaroni and cheese and some dino nuggets. It's not my favorite thing. It's not what I want to be feeding my kids all the time, and I'm doing a really good job right now of cooking home cooked meals for them, but every once in a while things go sideways and I don't have the energy to do anything other than cook up a box of macaroni and cheese and some dano nuggets and that's okay. But you know what? That brings me to something. My spouse has been wonderful and he agrees with me. Most of the time he lets me lead a lot of these money conversations. Obviously this is what I do for a living. He generally lets me lead the conversation. So what I wanna talk about right now is what you do if your spouse disagrees, or what if there's some other real life problem that we have to deal with? What do we do if there is a disagreement? Now remember, we have agreed that we are on the same team. So the phrase that you wanna be using from the beginning is same team, same goal. This is not a forever plan, okay? Same team, same goal. If your spouse avoids money talks. This isn't a full budget meeting. We're not getting nitty gritty here. This is just 20 minutes, so that money isn't heavy throughout the week. We are heading it off to make sure that we don't have those fights later. Okay. That's the whole point of this meeting is to make sure that throughout the week things are light and easy and we're doing maintenance throughout the week instead of triaging and fighting and dealing all week long. If your spouse gets intense during the meeting, take a break. Tonight's just about clarity. This is just about the next seven days. We don't have to get intense. If you have a situation where things are getting intense, that's a great time to bring in somebody else to be in those meetings with you. Somebody like me as a financial coach, I oftentimes with my clients, am considered their mutual bad guy. They know that instead of fighting with each other, they can come and I can referee a conversation to make sure that both sides are getting heard and both sides feel like they are able to voice their opinion without being steamrolled. Another great way to get your spouse into these meetings, and I'll just tell you this, if you have little ears, maybe ear muff them for a second or skip forward a couple seconds, but. One of the best ways to get a reluctant spouse into one of these meetings is to say, okay, we have 90 minutes on the calendar. Let's start with 60. We have 60 minutes on the calendar. If we can go over our weekly calendar, and then we go over our budget, the weekly calendar should take 10 minutes. The budget meeting should take 20 minutes, and then we have 30 minutes. It's already earmarked. We've already sent the kids in the other room, so we have 30 minutes to lock the door and do what married couples do. Might entice a spouse to come and join you because you're freeing them up and you're saying this is a safe time designated for the two of us to make a connection. And a lot of times, women, we are struggling and we are looking for safety. And by having this conversation. We feel safe, we feel protected. We feel cared for because you listened. And we also know that our week is being protected. So if that leaves some time for us to connect in fun ways, let's do it. We have 30 extra minutes. The faster we get through this, the faster we have time to get to the things that you want to be doing. Just an idea. I actually had a marriage counselor tell me that one time. I was like, check. Yes. Got it. A thing to remember though, if you're coming into a family business meeting and you fought the last time, let's set some new rules. Okay. Last time didn't go the way we wanted to, so this time we're stating out loud again. If you don't say your expectations out loud, it is impossible for somebody to meet them. Okay? So let's say it out loud. There's no blame. We're not looking at past history and we're not making any big decisions when we are dysregulated. By saying those out loud, you are setting yourself up for success. The win here though, is showing up and deciding your one to two priorities. I want you to remember too, if you feel like you're behind and you're like, oh, we should have gotten to this on Sunday and it's Tuesday and we're just getting around to this. Behind is not a thing. You are not behind. You were exactly where you were supposed to be right now. Would you have liked to do it two days ago? Yes. But if you say, oh, I didn't do it two days ago, so I have to wait five more days till next Sunday, no, absolutely not. Your being quote unquote behind is a mile marker. It's not the destination. It's not a definition of who you are. You missed a couple of days. Great. Let's start today. We don't wait a whole nother week to reset. We don't wait a whole nother week to get started. You didn't do it two days ago. Okay, fine. Do it right now. Sit down, do it right now. This is how you get out of reaction mode. We are being proactive instead of reactive, and this is great. This is exactly where you need to be. So again, if you want to include your kids though, you do your family business meeting alone, just you and your spouse, and then you can bring the kids in. You don't have to share with them numbers. You don't have to scare them and be like, oh, we're,$3,000 short this month. Don't do that. Don't scare your kids. But you can bring them in in little ways. Give them a role. Let them, do a celebration tracker. Like you paid off so much amount of your debt this month, so they get to break a chain or, they're coloring a savings goal, thermometer, whatever you want it to be. Let them participate and let them ask questions too. what are we saving for? Again, what is it that we're doing? Give them goals. Let them save money too. Getting them involved. It may be very difficult for some of you because you were never involved with your parents with their money. You get to be the first link in a new. You get to do things totally differently, however you want to do them, you are starting things off because you see the legacy that you wanna leave and it has a lot to do with deciding. Your priority is to make sure that your kids are set up with good money habits, and in order for them to be set up with good money habits, you have to have good money habits. Your whole win this week. As of right now, this is your win. Okay? If you wanna win, here's your weekly action plan and I promise this is gonna be doable and you're gonna win in the next 20 minutes. You ready for this? Schedule? Your family business meeting? That's it. If you do that, you were a winner this week and you just have a Girl Scout cookie'cause you've done a good job. So scheduling your family business meeting, pick a day and a time. You want it to be the same time each week. If you could keep it at the same time each week, that'd be great. But for this week, what day, what time? Put it in your calendar. Write down the three questions in your notes. So if you have a paper calendar, write it down your paper calendar. If you have an electronic calendar, write it down in your electronic calendar, and you're like, Laura, I've already forgotten what the questions are. Well, let me say them to you one more time. What matters most to our family is weak. What are we choosing on purpose? And what are we willing to trade for that? Again, you may be willing to trade time scrolling on your phone, and that could be a win for everybody. Go ahead and set your timer, these first couple of meetings. Keep it 20 minutes. Do the bare bones basics. If you have an hour to give to just the two of you connecting, that's great. If you don't 20 minutes, just let it be 20 minutes. And if you're single by the way and you're like Lauren, and you. Thank you for getting to this point in the conversation because you're like, I'm single. I don't have anybody to have this conversation with. I would happily come alongside you and have this conversation with you. An accountability partner is great. A financial coach is great for having these conversations. If you were single, remind yourself that next week you're going to review what worked from the meeting, what didn't work from the meeting, and you're gonna adjust. A peaceful money home is built. One family business meeting at a time. Take what you like from this add in what makes it best for you and your family, and go from there. Try something new. If you have done it before, go ahead and take a look at what worked and what didn't, and adjust. It's never perfect the first time, but if you're willing to work at it, it gets better and better and better. Just like any relationship, just like any new thing that you're trying, take what works, adjust what doesn't, and move forward. If this episode helped you at all, your next step is simple. Go download my seven Steps to set your kids up for financial success. It's a free, practical tool and it's built for parents who want peace with their money and they wanna pass that piece onto their kids. The link is down in the show notes, or you can go to my website, accelerate your legacy.com. Thank you so much for listening to this podcast. I hope that you have a great week, and don't forget to go out and make a difference. I.