201. What Your Kids Are Learning About Money Without You Saying a Word

What are your kids learning about money before you ever sit them down to teach them? In this episode, Laura unpacks how children absorb the emotional climate around money long before they understand budgets, bank accounts, or financial terms. From your tone and tension to your silence, fear, and hush-hush conversations, your kids are already learning what money means in your home. 

Laura explains why kids feel the weight of money before they understand the numbers, how heavy or fearful money talk can teach children to tiptoe around the subject, and why many parents stay silent not because they do not care, but because they feel unequipped. She also shares practical ways to start talking about money in age-appropriate ways without overwhelming your kids or waiting until you feel like an expert. 

In this episode, you’ll learn:

•  What kids pick up from your tone around money 
•  Why silence can teach shame, fear, and avoidance 
•  How to start talking about money without overwhelming your children 
•  Why your kids are not too young to begin learning 
•  How ordinary conversations shape the habits, mindset, and tools you leave behind 

Laura also shares how her Money Mastery coaching can help you get clearer on your own money so you can teach your kids from a healthier, more confident place. When you are ready to break the silence and start building a better money legacy at home, the next step is in the show notes. 

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Transcript

Laura 0:00

What are your kids learning about money before you ever sit them down to teach them? Because they are learning. They're learning from your tone. Is there tension in your voice? They're learning from your silence. They're learning every time you say, "Well, we can't afford that," or from the way that you quietly hide the bills when they come in the mail. They're learning from any of your fear or stress, your relief. They hear the arguments. They hear the hush-hush conversations, and then they look at the things that nobody explains. The kids feel the weight of money long before they understand the numbers, and when money always sounds heavy, scary, or off limits, they do not just learn that money matters. They learn that money is something to tiptoe around. They learn shame. So today, I wanna talk to you about what your kids are learning about money without you even saying a word, and why the goal is not to become a perfect teacher overnight, but simply to start talking You are listening to the Money and Legacy Podcast with Laura Sexton. I'm helping families pay off debt, grow wealth, and build a legacy without sacrificing what matters most. This is where money feels easy.

Audio Only - All Participants-47 1:19

Hey, Legacy Builders, episode 201. Today we are gonna talk about kids learning your tone before they learn about numbers. You see, your kids are gonna pick up the emotional climate around money long before they understand the math, way before they understand budgets, and we're not even going to start talking about bank accounts that they have to be 13 before they can even open. And at that, they have to have your name attached to them because legally you can't own anything if you're under the age of 18 And trust me, this goes for other subjects as well. Are there other things you sweep under the rug? Are there other things you say, "Yeah, I'll talk to you about that later," and then never come back to? Your kids are picking up on that. But for today, we're just gonna talk about money. Your tone is gonna be what teaches them first. Anything that you're open and honest and bold about, your kids are like, "Wow, that's amazing." And anything that you're quiet about, your kids are like, "I wonder what that's about." Have you ever caught yourself saying that to your children? How did you learn that?" I feel like I do that once a week now. But your kids are really gonna hone in on the heaviness of money before they ever understand the words about money. My mother is working with the kids right now to teach them about change, which I think is really funny because pennies are no longer a thing. They don't make them anymore because it costs three cents to make a penny that's only worth one cent. And my kids are trying to noodle through this conversation, and, four quarters make a dollar, things like that. We, obviously in my house, we try to be really open about money. And yeah, we have to get down to the basics. But even before they knew those things, they hear whether or not I'm telling them, "Hey, we can't afford that." We can't afford that sounds scary. And when money feels scary, even when it's not directly explained to them, when money feels scary, they get nervous about asking about it. If we don't talk about money and it feels scary, and we wonder why Mom and Dad don't talk about it, and there's shame around it, how are we ever going to learn? How are we ever going to know anything other than, wow, that's really scary, if things are never directly explained to us? when things come in the mail, there are bills, there are- Unexpected blessings. The way we act about those things is how our kids are going to perceive them. So we need to make sure that we are calm around those things because your calm teaches just as much as your hush teaches When money always sounds stressful, kids learn that money is dangerous or better left alone. That's not what we want for our kids. We want them to ask questions. We want them to hear the nuances in things from a very young age because they are in the wonder stage. My kids right now are one, three, five, seven, and nine, and they are all still in this wonder stage. Y- they're asking why over and over and over again. You want them asking why about money over and over and over again when they're little, because you can answer them in very basic terms. They don't have to be full developed, in depth. They can be very basic And then it's not scary. Now, I don't want you to lie to your kids. I don't want you to tell them everything's fine if everything's not. But let's keep them in the loop, because we don't want them to learn not to ask. We want them asking questions. We want them asking why. But we don't want them to feel like anything is a burden. You have to be very age-appropriate when you have these conversations with your kids. But sometimes that just means being a sportscaster. Now, I heard this idea originally in a Mommy and Me class where they were saying, "Don't put your emotions on your children. Go ahead and just sportscast." And I was like, "What does that mean?" It's like when your kid falls down and skins their knee, they're gonna look up at you and Without saying anything, they're looking at you and asking you how they should feel about this. And a lot of times if my kids fall down, I'll do something like yell out, "Safe," like they just ran into home base, right? I'm not going to give them a this is a positive or a negative, or if I'm going to choose one, I'm gonna be like, "You're all right," but I don't wanna say you're all right, because if they're actually hurt, I don't wanna lie to them Maybe I took gentle parenting a little too seriously when I was a brand new mom, but I tend to think that adding a little bit of humor definitely makes things easier. So a kid falls down, skins their knee, they're gonna look at me and go, "Hey, is that a... Am I okay or am I not okay?" You definitely wanna give them a positive feeling about it. You wanna sportscast. A lot of times I do wanna be the person that's like, "Wow, you fell down. Oh my goodness, you tripped." That kind of thing. We don't need to give any kind of emotion towards it. We're just sportscasting. When it comes to your money, that's what you wanna be doing. You wanna be sportscasting. You wanna say, "Hey, bill came in the mail." You don't have to get into any of the specifics about it. If you tiptoe around money, they will begin tiptoeing around money, and that is a cycle of never ask, never learn. We don't wanna create that. We definitely want to add, a sense of wonder. A lot of parents are quiet about money, not because they don't care, but because they feel u- unequipped We don't wanna be thinking, "This is too much for my kids," or, "I- no one ever taught me. I don't wanna overwhelm them. I'm still figuring this out myself." You see, those are things that I hear from parents often. But the truth of the matter is, it's too much of your, for your kids if you're explaining compound interest. When they're little bitty, they don't need to hear that. But they do need to hear that you have money in the bank, that money comes in, that money goes out. And if you're still figuring it out, this is actually the perfect time to bring them in on learning. This is the time that you bring them in and you teach them the things that you're learning. Because where silence feels safe right now, it's actually not setting them up for success. It's not setting you up for success. You have to be able to say the wrong thing. Sometimes as parents, we say the wrong things and things get messed up, but we have to be willing to continue to move forward So what do we do instead? We start talking about money in age-appropriate ways instead of waiting until you feel like you're perfectly ready. They're not too young, my friend. They're not. Just don't dump everything on them. Start exactly where they are, and then get deeper later when the conversation feels less heavy, when you're less worried about it. The more you can talk about money, the more curiosity will come in, and that will lead the conversation. And maybe they say, "Well, Mom, can you explain to me what an ETF is?" And you're sitting here going, "I have no idea what that is." Guess what, my friend? It's okay to say that. "Hey, where'd you learn about ETFs?" "Really? You heard about it on TikTok. Interesting. What did you learn? Huh. That sounds like a get rich quick scheme. Maybe I should do some research into that and see whether or not that's an actual thing that you should be looking into learning more about." Normalize not knowing, and normalize money as part of everyday life. Because guess what? Money is a part of your everyday life. Even if you don't leave and go to the store, you are consuming energy at your home, and you are going to have to pay the electric bill. These are things that we definitely wanna talk about on a normal, ongoing basis. When I was growing up, my parents wanted me to stop leaving the lights on every time I left the room. I'd have every light in the entire house on, and that will drain your electricity. Every time I'd walk out of a room and leave the light on, I had to pay a nickel into the missions bank. And whereas the missions made really good money for about two months, I eventually decided I didn't wanna give away all my nickels. I learned that leaving the lights on costs money, because it actually cost me physical money. Now, whether or not it was five cents, I don't know, and did my money go towards paying the electric bill? No, it did not. But it allowed me to be a part of the money conversation. It allowed me to be a part of the electric conversation. There are things that we need to learn as children that will serve us well being adults. Your kids don't need you to be the money expert. They need a parent that's willing to break the silence. To be able to talk to them. They need me to be able to answer their questions, and if I don't know, I don't have a problem going, "Hey, you know what? I don't actually know the answer to that. Let me do some research and I'll let you know." Or, "Hey, right now is not the perfect time to talk about that. Let's circle back and we'll talk about it this evening or when I have more information." Both of those are acceptable answers. Now, you have to remember to circle back. You can't say, "Let me circle back to that," and then never come back to that, because then you're showing a loop of being unsafe in asking questions. So we wanna make sure that we are doing the circle back. But stop letting the silence do the teaching. Instead, model openness to them, because your kids wanna learn, and your legacy is not about the dollars and cents in your bank account. Your legacy starts in ordinary conversations. That's how you leave your habits, your tools, your mindset. That's how you leave a legacy. What is your legacy going to be when you are no longer here for your children to ask questions to? I have tiny people that are banging on the wall over here. They definitely want me to come out and play with them, so I'm going to close up this podcast super early. If you have any questions or anything that you want to dive into, maybe you are still learning about money and you would like to learn more about the money so that you can teach your kids and make sure that they have a well-rounded financial education. If that's you, all you need to do is scroll down in the show notes and learn about Money Mastery, let's book a clarity call. Let's learn where you need to get clear on your money so you can teach your kids about it. I would be absolutely honored and find it a complete joy to talk to you and help you learn where you can tighten up your money things so that you can help your children. My goal is to make your money feel easy, and I hope that you found a little bit of that here. All right, my friends, that's it for this week. Go out and make a difference