Deep diving into an emotional DNA journey, the search for my biological father takes center stage. The DNA test leads to a potential cousin and the heartwarming solidarity of an online community and DNA Angels—a group of volunteer genealogists dedicated to helping unravel genealogical mysteries. As I share the rollercoaster of emotions, from the anxiety of waiting for responses to the joy of making new familial ties, brace yourself because this plot twist is real.
Deep diving into an emotional DNA journey, the search for my biological father takes center stage. The DNA test leads to a potential cousin and the heartwarming solidarity of an online community and DNA Angels—a group of volunteer genealogists dedicated to helping unravel genealogical mysteries. As I share the rollercoaster of emotions, from the anxiety of waiting for responses to the joy of making new familial ties, brace yourself because this plot twist is real.
What's good, Welcome ? to the Charging Station podcast. It's your girl, Tracey Massey of Living EmPOWERed Life. Welcome, boo, welcome back. Welcome, welcome for the first time. If you're new, go ahead and grab your coffee, grab your water, grab your wine, grab your tea, whatever your beverage of choice is. Just go ahead and grab that thing and have a seat on the couch, couch, couch, because we are continuing the story of me and my DNA testing.
Tracey:
So, before we get into part two, I need you to go ahead and subscribe and or follow this podcast, whatever platform you are partaking the sound of my voice on. I need you to do whatever that platform requires, whether it's subscribe, whether it's follow, whether it's download I don't know what it is you just follow the directions of whatever platform you're listening to. And also, I need you to rate, review, leave a note, let us know what you like about this podcast. If you have any subject, ideas, subject matter that you would like for me to discuss, feel free to email me at podcast at livingmyempoweredlifecom. If you are a small business and are interested in ad space, email us ads at livingmyempoweredlife. No, that's not right. Podcast at livingmyempoweredlifecom. Subject ad space. Make sure you are following me on the socials you can find me at Living my Empowered Life. I'm on YouTube, tiktok, facebook and Instagram, and I think that covers everything, so let's get into it.
Tracey:
So when we last left off, I had just gotten the notification that my DNA results are in. So if you have no idea what I'm talking about and this is the first episode that you are listening to go back and listen to Branches Part 1, where I'm talking about how I got to the DNA scenario, and then come back here because it's not going to make sense and I and I'm not going to recap it because that'll take up too much time this story is unfolding in real time. So I had gotten the results back and I got the results at like two something in the morning. I don't know why I was up, but I was. So I opened. I opened the results and I see the thing that I was looking for my genetic makeup. So let me share with y'all what your girl is made up with.
Tracey:
I can say definitively now that I am not Asian. There is no Asia in my DNA at all. I'm also not Italian. I'm kind of disappointed that there's no Italian in me, because I feel like I'm Italian, like in my mind. I've just always been Italian, because I just am, but there is no Italian in me.
Tracey:
But let me run down these ethnicities, uh, ethnicities, the ethnicities for y'all. So, first off, what I knew is true I am a descendant from Africa. Okay, um up, nadja 17%. Mali, 16%, cameroon, congo and West Bantu peoples. If I pronounce these incorrectly, y'all, I am so sorry. 14%. Ivory Coast and Ghana. 11%. Benin and Togo 3% Southern Bantu people. So I'm assuming that they migrated or did something. I got to research all this stuff. 2%. Khoisan, aka and Mbuti peoples.
Tracey:
Eastern okay, so right, here, it starts to get spicy, all right. Uh, eastern okay. So right here, it starts to get spicy, all right. Um, I'm two percent. Eastern European. Roma, england and northwestern Europe is two percent, scotland is two percent, ireland is two percent.
Tracey:
I find that kind of funny, because I was born on St Patrick's Day. You know the calendar says St Patrick's Day, but if you've been following me for a while, you actually know that that day is actually Tracy's Day. Okay, let's continue. And then there's a 1% Nigerian East Coast Nigeria East Coast and then 1% Germanic Europe. It's a little bit of Germany in there, I think.
Tracey:
So I found that very enlightening and this particular service that I use also breaks down which DNA I inherited from which parents Now keep in mind I don't know who my father is, so seeing this is blowing my mind. And it also tells me where my DNA connects me. So it connects me to three types of communities, mostly from South Carolina, excuse me, south Carolina, early South Carolina, north Carolina. You know the South. So that tells me a lot. That tells me where my ancestors were brought to here to America, from slavery for slavery, and it also shows me where my DNA matches live. So this is where it starts to get really interesting, because it shows me my DNA matches. So, total, in total, there are 15,726 DNA matches to me.
Tracey:
Let me say that again, in total, from this particular service, there are 15,726 DNA matches to me. Excuse me, that's a lot. That's a lot of folk, right, and what happens is depending on who does a DNA test. That's how you're matched. So this number can increase, and actually it has, because at the time of the recorder of this podcast excuse me there are 15,726. That number has increased by about 10, 15 people since the last time I looked at it last week. So as people submit DNA tests, the results come back and they are matched with me. So, looking at all of these DNA matches, I'm like whoa, hold up, that's a lot of people, that's a lot of people. So then I go to my actual DNA matches and this is where the fun begins.
Tracey:
I have to separate which parent is which and what I mean to separate which parent is which and what I mean by separate which parent is which this particular service that I used I'm specifically not saying who it is because they're not paying me Like, if they want to sponsor this podcast episodes like this series, great, I'll say their name, but right now, no, use your context clue, you can figure it out. There are multiple DNA services out there that do this particular thing, like helping to trace your family tree and your lineage, your genealogy. The most popular ones are 23andMe and AncestryDNA. Use your context clues? Okay, but they ain't paying me, so I ain't giving them like woo-woo, do-do-do-do clues. Okay, but they ain't paying me, so I ain't giving them like anyway.
Tracey:
So, this particular service that I use, you have to separate your parents, so it labels them parent one and parent two, which could be I imagine, would be hard for someone who may be doing this and they're adopted. They may not know, like, who their biological parents are, so I can only imagine how hard this will be for them. But for me, I know my mother, I know my mother's family names. So it breaks them down into parent one and parent two. So I chose parent one to be my father, parent two to be my mother. When it breaks it up like that, it then shows me how the DNA is, how the matches are assigned. So, on my paternal side, as of the recording of this podcast excuse me, I don't know what's going on with my voice at the moment there are 7,165 matches. This number has increased since I've looked at it last week and also, sidebar, I have decided to look at this every week instead of every day because it's just so nerve-wracking. It's just so nerve-wracking. But yeah, there are 7,165 matches on my paternal side. Seeing that made me very emotional because I don't know my dad.
Tracey:
I remember when I was a kid, probably about six or seven years old, this man shows up at the house and my mother introduced me to this man and said this is your father. I remember looking at this man and seeing his whole face. I looked like him face. I looked like. I looked like him that day. I specifically remember because I was super happy that I had a daddy. You know, in your childlike mind you like you know you didn't come from like poof magic, but the majority like this is back in the day. Y'all Single parenthood was not like prevalent and accepted as it is right now.
Tracey:
So being a single, growing up in a single parent household and being around my friends who had dads, that was hard because they would have daddy daughter dances and I couldn't participate. And even in my child, my child mind, that was hurtful. So I remember that day with my father so distinctly. I remember what he wore. I remember him taking me to the mall. That's probably where my shopping thing started. He took me to the mall and this man bought me like everything that I wanted that day. Everything that I wanted that day. I remember that we were my mom and I were going to South Carolina. We were going to Myrtle Beach for a trip Like it was coming up, and so he bought me bathing suits. He bought me buckets and shovels to build sandcastles At the time.
Tracey:
The Dukes of Hazzard was my favorite TV show when I was a kid. Now I know it's problematic because it had the whole Confederate flag up in there. We ain't going to go there. But he bought me a Dukes of Hazzard beach towel Y'all. I loved that beach towel and I remember when my mom threw it away and I cried for two days because that was like the only thing that I had of my father oh, my god, I'm getting emotional. And she she threw it away because it was so ratted, you know the the faces of the Dukes of Hazzard being had faded, like it was so. But still I wanted to hold on to it because it was the only thing that I had of my father, mm Excuse me.
Tracey:
And so, seeing my paternal lineage pop up and not knowing any of these people, I stared at these results for a long time, a long time. But let's come back to that. Let's come back to that Because on my maternal side there are 8,373 matches and of course there are some people who are here that I don't know either. But I will get to know them soon, I hope. But my main focus is finding who my dad is.
Tracey:
After my mom passed away, I was cleaning out some stuff as I was preparing to move some years after she had passed, and I found this newspaper clipping of an obituary and I read it and first of all, I'm thinking why does mama have this, you know? But I'm reading it and I read the man's name. I read that he leaves behind a wife and some children. I don't see my name on this, this, uh, obituary, but I felt like that was my dad. I felt like that obituary belonged to my father and if this is the case I'm not 100% sure. If this is the case um, that tells me that I have siblings out there that probably don't know that I exist.
Tracey:
And so, looking at these paternity, the paternity DNA, I'm looking at it like okay, okay, one of these people is related to my. Well, all of these people are related to my dad, but somebody is closely related to my father. So I go into the actual matches and I'm floored because I have a match on my paternal side that shares a lot of DNA with me. And the way that this particular service labels the DNA matches is kind of weird, because this person that has this really really shares this much DNA with me. They label her as close family, dash first cousin. So in my mind I'm thinking, okay, this is a first cousin, which means that they are closely related to my father. Maybe they have some answers as to, like, who this man may be.
Tracey:
So I stare at this person. I stare at this person. I'm like, okay, I don't know what to do with this. So I share on my Facebook page my personal Facebook page, that I at this person. I stare at this person. I'm like, okay, I don't know what to do with this. So I share on my Facebook page my personal Facebook page, that I did this thing, got the results back. It's overwhelming. I need time to process it, and there were so many that started to inbox me and say, hey, I did this too. I did this too, blah, blah, blah. One person in particular I grew up with she's actually best friends with one of my cousins and she said, yeah, I did this in 2017 and found my father and siblings. So if you need some help, let me know, so we get on a call. And she. I'm glad we did this, because explaining what this experience is like is hard for to explain to people who have not gone through this, and I'm going to go into a little bit more detail about that, too, in other episodes and also, you know, facing backlash for doing this, but she walked me through her process and gave me some really great advice. She even linked me up with a Facebook group that she's in.
Tracey:
I had no idea that there was a Facebook group for this. Facebook has thousands of groups for everything but this particular group specifically dealt with deals with DNA, family tracing, the family tree, genealogy, finding your parents, birth parents, biological, whatever and so I get in this group and you know, all groups ask you to, they welcome you in and they ask you to introduce yourself or ask questions or whatever. So I asked this question. Hey, I'm a newbie to this DNA process. I've got my results back, I'm trying to find my father, um, and I have this. You know, is there any advice for a newbie who's just starting this journey? So many people commented on this thing, but one person in particular commented and I was like, oh okay, so they have these people who are genealogists who volunteer for this organization. They're called DNA Angels and what they do is they go through your DNA results and your matches and everything and link them to your family tree and they help you find the people or person that you're looking for. So in the group when I asked my question asked me what are your top five matches? So I give them to them.
Tracey:
In the meantime, I have a cousin on my paternal side who lives in France. Who lives in France, reaches out to me. He speaks limited English, so a lot of his messages came through in French. Speaks limited English, so a lot of his messages came through in French. So we have been communicating, emailing back via Google Translate. He reaches out to me and he says you know, he's looking for his father too and, you know, trying to put together friends and family. Now I'm like oh okay, I can't help you because I'm in the same boat, but we keep in touch. Then there's another cousin who reaches out to me from my paternal side. Same story, um well, similar story. He, how he found his father, how he found out that the man he thought was his father is not because of the DNA test, and so he's just trying to piece together. He, he eventually meets his dad and um, piecing together that side of the family tree. So I'm like, okay, well, your dad must be related to my dad, but he doesn't know. So we're like huh, but we're keeping in touch and I just keep hitting these brick walls, except for this one person who shares the most DNA with me.
Tracey:
I message her, I message her in the app, the company that we used, and then I find her on Facebook and I messaged her and I wait and I was so nervous because you literally do not know how the other person is going to respond or if they're going to respond, and so I posted on Facebook. There's a wait, a W-A-I-T, and a wait, a W-E-I-G-H-T. There's the wait W-A-I-T and the fact that you got to message somebody, wait for them to respond if they respond. If not, you got to move on to the next thing. So there's a lot of give and take, give and take, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, which can be stressful if you let it be stressful.
Tracey:
And then there's the W-E-I-G-H-T, the heaviness of finding out this information. How is this person going to respond to me? Are they going to be receptive? Are they going to reject me? Am I going to like them? Are they going to like me? Like what is going to happen? And keep in mind, if the man's obituary that I found was, in fact, my father, he was married. That mean I'm a side baby. That mean my mama had a hot girl summer before. A hot girl summer was a thing. So how, if the, if the wife is still living, how is she going to take that? How are the biological children that were formed in this marriage going to take me, like the, the thought of their dad being whatever? Like you know, all of that is weighing heavily on me.
Tracey:
So I reach out to this woman and she responds we have. She actually responds and says call me. So she gives me her number and I like stare at that number for about two or three days. I'm like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, it's happening, it's happening. I say that a lot during this process. It's happening, it's happening. So I call her and we have a lovely conversation. But one thing that she says that stood out in our first talk, because we were on the phone for like two hours. It was pretty freaking cool.
Tracey:
She was actually celebrating her birthday, she was at the beach. She said she loves the beach and I'm like, oh, wow, I love the beach too. Like I was at the beach for my birthday. So many things in common. And she says to me we share a lot of DNA. We actually share more DNA than my cousin and I do. So she, you know her maternal side, she knows her cousins and things. One of her cousins took a DNA test and everything and she says to me she doesn't know who her father is either. So I say, being who I am, wouldn't it be funny if we're sisters, and I believe y'all at that?
Tracey:
We're going to pick up on the next episode right there, but make sure that you stay tuned for part three of branches, baby. I know, I know, I know we're going to get to it, but again, please be patient with me because this is unfolding in real time. This is my real life. Okay, this is my real life. I'm just trying to process it all. But come back for the next episode. I promise you it's going to be good, all right, but before we head out, I want you to remember God loves you. I love you, and ain't nothing you can do about it. Boo Boop, see you next week.