Dating Disaster: Red Flags, Toxic Texts, and a Top Hat

Tracey recounts a dating disaster story involving a Facebook connection that quickly turned toxic, demonstrating the importance of trusting your intuition and maintaining strong boundaries when getting back into dating.

• Initial connection through a Facebook group for mature singles that seemed promising at first
• Red flags appearing early - dominating conversations, not respecting boundaries, sending inappropriate messages
• Body's physical reaction signaling something was wrong before mind could process it
• The FaceTime call disaster where he hung up after displaying concerning behavior
• Aggressive voicemails and attempted contact after being blocked
• Safety tips for dating - never reveal your address, use rideshare to dates, share location with friends
• Importance of trusting your body's reaction to people and listening to your instincts
• Not giving up on finding love despite challenging experiences

God loves you, I love you, and ain't nothing you can do about it!

Chapters

• 0:24 Welcome to the Charging Station
• 2:12 Toe in the Dating Pool
• 8:18 Sunday Airport Text Messages
• 12:23 The Awkward Phone Call
• 18:21 FaceTime Disaster and Voicemails
• 28:10 Lessons Learned and Not Giving Up

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:24

What's good everybody. Welcome to the Charging Station podcast. It's your girl, tracey Massey, of Living my Empowered Life. I got a story to tell. I have a story to tell, but before I tell the story, I want to welcome all of our new listeners and viewers. If you're watching on YouTube, hey boo, hey, hey, hey, thank you for joining us. You could be doing anything, watching anything, listening to anybody, but you chose to lend your time to me and I don't take that lightly. So, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. I hope you come back for more shenanigans, because if this is your first time, this is a good episode to listen to, because this is some shenanigans. All right, if you are a returning listener, hey, power Squad, you know I love me some. You Welcome back, boo.

Speaker 1: 1:19

Y'all know what to do. Make sure you're following me on all the socials. You find me a living mind, power, life everywhere tiktok, youtube threads, instagram, facebook, yeah and uh. The shenanigans continue over there. So, also, you know what to do right now. Okay, you know what to do. Grab your coffee, grab your tea, grab your water, grab your wine whatever your beverage of choice is. Go ahead, grab that thing. Have a seat on the couch, couch, couch, baby, take your shoes off, get comfortable, because I got a story to tell you Hot off the press. Now, if you follow me on TikTok, you know what this is.

Speaker 1: 2:03

Y'all, I stuck my big toe back into the dating pool and now it's gangrene. Because of this experience that I had, let me paint the picture. Picture it Florida, florida, 2006. I decided to join a Facebook group for mature singles and the age range is 25 to 50. I know that's a big age range, but they had a lot of people my age who were wanting to, you know, network, network, date or whatever. So I decide to go ahead and join and you have to put, you have to do an introduction. So I, I do my little introduction, add a couple pictures, because you know the face card, the face card has not been declining lately. So I, so I add a couple pictures, and this guy messages me and he seemed cool. All right, he messages me and then he says you know, hey, I'm in Charlotte too. Do you mind exchanging information? I'm going to DM you my contact info. So he sends me a friend request. I accept it, which I usually don't accept friend requests from people I haven't met in person. Yeah, I'm not doing that again. So he DMs me. And one thing he said, though he said I can see the DMs but I can't respond, which sounded weird anyway, but anyway. So we exchanged phone numbers and go from there.

Speaker 1: 3:59

This was on Saturday, so I was in Florida visiting my sister for her birthday, so this was on Saturday. Go about my merry little way. On Sunday we're sitting at my sister's table, you know, having dinner and laughing and this, that and the third, and my phone starts going off. It's about 930. My phone starts going off and anybody that knows me knows my phone goes on Do Not Disturb at 8 pm. And anybody that knows me knows my phone goes on do not disturb at 8 pm. Every day, every day, 8 pm to 8 am, my phone is on, do not disturb. Only a select few can get through, so I just don't happen to have my phone in my hand and all of these pictures start coming up and I'm looking like who is this coming up? And I'm looking like who is this Because the number that he gave me on Facebook was a different number than what he was texting me from. So I was like who is this? And so he tells me his name and he says from FB. And I was like, oh, hey, how you doing Blah, blah, blah, so just casual conversation, and I say, hey, you know, hey, um, I'm enjoying time with my family, I'm I will hit you back later on. I said it's kind of it's a busy weekend I'll hit you back later on because I wanted to spend time with my sisters and my nieces and nephews. You know, this first time we're all in the same room together, so it was a big weekend for me. Okay, he's cool with that.

Speaker 1: 5:24

Sunday, no Monday, sunday, no Monday. I'm at the airport with my sister and let me see, I still have these text messages, y'all. I just might put the text messages no, I'm not, never mind, never mind, never mind, never mind. Do I still have them? I think I do anyway, while I look this up, um Sunday, you know, just casual, real casual conversations, because I'm like you know, I don't know you from a bag of chips. So I'm very cautious when it comes to meeting guys because some of them can be a little different. And yeah, I'm so glad I continue to roll the way that I did and I'm going to tell you why in just a moment. Hang in there, hang in there. I must have deleted them. But anyway, just casual conversation.

Speaker 1: 6:31

And Sunday we're sitting, I'm sitting at the airport with my sister, we're having lunch, and he sends me a picture of himself at the gym. So yeah, we were talking about the gym, we talked like casual stuff. He was asking me a picture of himself at the gym. So yeah, we were talking about the gym, we talked like casual stuff. He was asking me all kinds of questions about my birthday and he just like went down this list of things, like he in one text he told me about his parents being deceased. He told me about kids, like he told me everything in this just one long text. And I'm like, like what in the world? But it's fine. So he's telling me all of this stuff. I'm not really giving up any information because, again, I don't know you. You know, I don't know you, just very generic stuff. And so we happen to have a similar story where he's met siblings from a DNA test that he didn't know existed. So we connected on that level.

Speaker 1: 7:27

So, okay, cool, sunday I'm sitting at having lunch with my sister before I got on my flight, and he sends me a text of him at the gym. Now, mind you, he's a good looking guy. He's a good looking guy from the pictures, keep that in mind, from the pictures. And so this picture was like I was taking a back because I went ooh, now he wasn't topless or nothing, but I was like ooh. And when I made that sound, my sister was like what? And so I showed her the picture and she went ooh too, and made that sound. My sister was like what? And so I showed her the picture and she went oh too. And so we were looking and trying to figure out okay, well, how tall is he? Blah, blah, like all that regular stuff. So, um, I say to him hey, I'm about to catch my flight, I will hit you back um later when I land, or whatever.

Speaker 1: 8:19

So that was Monday when I got back, um, I had to get myself settled and everything like that. He texted me again and so we're just having again another casual conversation. Then it starts to he calls me. So when he calls me like this is our first conversation he calls me and is just like just talking, just talking, just talk, just talk, just talk, just talk, just talk, just talk, just talk. I can't get a word in edgewise.

Speaker 1: 8:52

He would ask me a question and wouldn't let me finish my sentence, wouldn't let me respond, and that drives me nuts like that gets on my last nerve. And I noticed that he started to twist some of the things that I was saying and so I was like you know what? I'm going to have to hit you back later. I have, I need to unpack and get myself settled and get ready for work tomorrow. Blah, blah, blah. He says what do you do? What are your? What are your work hours? What do you work? Like all of this stuff, like I'm not telling you that, I'm not telling you that for you to show up at my job, no, and y'all, let me tell you something. My body started to have a reaction. It was like my body was telling me then to abort mission. My body was telling me girl, leave it. Block, block, block, block. I should have listened. I actually should have listened to my inner self, to my Holy Spirit. I should have listened. When I saw the first picture that he sent me and he was wearing a top hat and a pinky ring, but my sister was like, no, just wait. I should have listened. I should have listened. Yes, he was wearing a top hat, so hang up off of there.

Speaker 1: 10:17

And the next morning I'm going to the gym. It's early when I finished working out with my trainer and I get ready for work and everything. I'm walking out to my car and I see that I have a text message from him at like 5.15, 5.20 in the morning. So I text back like good morning, blah, blah, blah. And he's like what took you so long? I'm sorry, what? So I said so I said I said, huh, what took me so long? I was like, I was working out, like, and I didn't owe him that. So he said oh okay, so did you get sweaty? Yeah, I was working out, so I should get sweaty. Then he says to me I can get sweaty too and I can drip all over you, blah, blah, blah, blah, sir, hold on.

Speaker 1: 11:14

So me catching what he's saying, because one thing I'm going to do, one thing I'm going to do, is listen. I am a good listener. So I hear him say that and I know where he's going with this, this. I'm not going there with you because one I don't know you we have not met. This is a little weird. So I said, well, we must be working out in the gym together. Because no, I say, um, this is all by text. Y'all sorry we weren't talking, this is all by text. He texts and says, um, no, I say, well, how are you gonna get sweaty on me, which I shouldn't have done, but it was early and I immediately text again. I said we must be working out at the gym together because that's the only way that's gonna happen. I said, and even then, you're not even going to be that close. He says, nah, well, yeah, we can work out together. Okay, we're doing this.

Speaker 1: 12:23

So then he texts how important is sex to you? Now? Y'all, keep in mind, we connected on Saturday. This is Tuesday. Saturday, sunday, monday, tuesday, three days. We connected on Tuesday.

Speaker 1: 12:40

He's asking me these questions while I'm at work. I'm at work, I'm busy, my first day back, blah, blah. So I say to him it's too much to type. No, I say to him intimacy is more important to me than sex, which is true, intimacy is more important than sex to me. And he says explain. And I say it's too much to type, I'll have to call you when I'm done. So I left work, did my thing that I needed to do.

Speaker 1: 13:16

It was a little later in the evening I texted him. I was like hey, can you talk? He's like, yeah. So we get on the phone and he says, hey, explain this intimacy thing to me. And so I say to him intimacy is more important than sex, because intimacy is more than physical. You're connecting with a person, you're learning about who they are, you're learning about what they like, what they dislike. You're figuring out what you like about them, what you don't like about them. Like, intimacy creates a bond, it creates a relationship. And for me now, if I can't be intimate with somebody outside of a physical thing, we can't be physical. And so he's like, oh, I. And then he just goes on a tangent. It was just like that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that.

Speaker 1: 14:06

And we went from the intimacy thing to him mentioning Orange Satan. And here's the thing that got me when he mentioned Orange Satan, because he was talking about he agrees with that man about people going back to work in the office, like full time, no, working from home. And I say please don't mention him. And he's like what? I'm just using it as an example I can't mention him. So now you're going to bring up politics. It's going to turn into politics. This is what you're going to do. And I'm like what just happened, like what just happened. And I say okay. I said no, it's not politics, he just goes off on a tangent. Now here's where I mess up, because he comes down, the conversation gets back on track and I say to him I said okay.

Speaker 1: 15:01

I said well, do you have anything going on this weekend? He's like no, what's up. I said well, maybe we can get together and meet for a coffee or something. And he says can I ask you a question? Sure, ask away. He says can I ask you a question? Sure, ask away.

Speaker 1: 15:15

He says why I got to be the weekend. See, this thing I don't understand about females. Red flag number two when he said females, I should have known Exit stage left. He said this is what I don't understand about females, like why we got to meet up on the weekend, when we live in the same city. You know we could do something during the weekday why I got to be in a weekend. It's like a long distance relationship, because in my mind I'm thinking first of all, we're not in a relationship Like I want to meet you during the day so I can be safe. So I said all right then, because, being me, I said all right then, what you doing tomorrow? He's like, uh, uh, nothing, I don't know Nothing. I'll let you know tomorrow, okay.

Speaker 1: 16:00

So the next day comes. This is Wednesday, day four. The next day comes. He texts me, um, at like six 15 in the morning. Day comes. He texts me At like 6.15 in the morning.

Speaker 1: 16:14

Again, I'm getting ready for work and I actually talked to him on the phone this time and I usually don't talk to people early in the morning. I don't. I got to get my mind right, I got to have my time, you know, prepare myself for the world, and so we're talking easy breezy conversation. And so we're talking easy breezy conversation and again he's not letting me get any like a word in. So I'm just there to get ready for work. I don't think this man realized that I didn't say two words until I actually got to work. And so when I got to work, I I said, well, I made it to work. It was nice talking to you, because he was talking, I wasn't talking. It was nice talking to you. I said I hope you have a great day. And I said, oh wait, are we still going to get together this afternoon when I get off, he's like I don't know, I'll let you know. I left it at that and went to work. It was a busy day. I left it at that and went to work. It was a busy day, I ain't thinking about it.

Speaker 1: 17:14

By the time I got off work I had a rip-roaring headache. So I came home and I laid down trying to ease my headache. About 5.23, my phone rings. It's him and he says what's up Like attitude? And I'm like nothing, what's up with you? And he says what's up Like attitude? And I'm like nothing, what's up with you? And he says what are you doing? And I'm not exaggerating how aggressive he talked Like what are you doing? I said I'm laying down, I have a headache. Oh, so you can call me, you can tell me you have a headache. Like we're supposed to get together at 4 o'clock and I'm like hold on, hold on. I said can you give me 20 minutes, just give me 20 minutes. And so he's like all right, and we hang up. So I take, uh, some, some more medicine to ease my headache.

Speaker 1: 18:05

Talk to a girlfriend of mine, talk to my sister, and um, I call him back, I text him, I say hey, can you facetime? And I call him back, I text him, I say hey, can you FaceTime? He's like, yeah, so I FaceTime him Now. Keep in mind, he was supposed to let me know if he was available for us to get together. I'm still in my full face clothes, dressed, everything. He was not.

Speaker 1: 18:35

When I FaceTimed this man, it looked like he hadn't shaved in a couple days. He had on this tank top. He was sitting outside chilling, fine, but he did not look like he was ready to go anywhere to meet me or anything and, granted, people can get dressed quickly or whatever, but he did not look like he was going anywhere. Okay, so we FaceTimed. He was like all smiles. He was like, hey, how you doing? And I was like, you know, my head is still hurting. I'm actually talking to him with one eye open because my head was still throbbing, but I'm trying to be, you know, pleasant.

Speaker 1: 19:14

He starts going in again and he's like communication baby girl, baby girl. You supposed to, you supposed to do this, you're supposed to do that, you're supposed to do this. And I said hold on. I said can you at least ask me if I'm okay, check why he hang up, why he hang up on me. So, mind you, I had this rip, roaring headache. You can visibly see that I wasn't feeling well. He did not ask me if I was okay. He just went on this whole tangent and then had the nerve to hang up on me. Baby, when I tell you, I said oh, immediately blocked, immediately blocked everywhere. I blocked him on Facebook, I blocked him in my phone immediately because at this point I'm like, all right, he's not stable, like he's not stable with all the tangents going on. And I had told him, I told a girlfriend, um, earlier that day.

Speaker 1: 20:19

I was like it's something about him that annoys me. So, remember, my body was having a literal reaction to him, like saying like just uncomfortable. You know, you just get that feeling about people. Sometimes that vibe is off. So I was having it and hadn't even met him, but just by the text messages and the conversations it was just like all over the place y'all.

Speaker 1: 20:45

Why this man? I'm on, I'm on facetime with another girlfriend and after I blocked him, why this man? Leave me a voicemail? And it was. I was saying to my girlfriend. I was like girl, I blocked him because I told him like he hung up on me. She's like oh no, that's disrespectful. That was absolutely disrespectful. And I was telling her about, like the conversations and everything and she was like is he okay? I said I don't think so. Blah, blah, blah. So we're talking about something else and I see my little voicemail icon pop up but there's no number and I say I bet that's him. I said I bet he left me a voicemail. I said I want you to hear this man because I want to make sure I'm not tripping. So I played the voicemail. We listened, listening to it together, listening to it together, and her face was mortified. She was like what is he? Who is he talking to? Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1: 21:46

So me being me again, y'all pray for me. The Lord is still working on me. All right, me being me. I messaged him back. I sent him a voice note. I didn't call him. I sent him a voice note and I't call him. I sent him a voice note and I said let me tell you something. You don't know me. You don't know nothing about me. You won't get to know anything about me. I said you can say whatever the hell you want to say and you can think whatever the hell you want to think, but the people that know me in my real life. Whatever you say, they're going to know that you full of shiitake. And I said lose my number. I didn't say shiitake, I said the actual word. But we're trying to keep it clean over here. That's why I was. I was going to be petty and put his voice notes in here, but I'm not even going to do that because we're going. But I said lose my number, don't call me again. I wish you the best on your search. I am done. And that was it why he call back, why he leave another voice note.

Speaker 1: 22:45

And this time it was even more vile. Y'all the vitriol this man spewed at me. I was like, oh okay, you big man, like you're definitely off. And so at that point I was like, okay, he is unstable, let me go report him in this group. And so I sent the voice notes to the admins of the group and I was like, hey, this man is in this group. And this was after these are the messages he's left me. After four days, he is not safe. And so I did put the voice note up on on my TikTok if y'all want to see it.

Speaker 1: 23:24

But it was only four days, and so I let some of my friends hear it. Some of my guy friends was like what is Joker at? They didn't say Joker. But I had to remind my guy friends like, listen where this joker at? They didn't say joker, but I had to remind my guy friends like, listen, you got y'all. Got wives and children and good paying jobs. No, they was ready to find him.

Speaker 1: 23:44

I was like, no, I don't even know where he is. He don't know where I am, blah, blah. But that's how bad this was and if I was someone who had low self-esteem he would have got to me. But I'm gonna be honest with y'all. I was sitting there like cackling, like why is he so mad? We haven't even met in person. And I'm glad that I didn't because, honestly, even if I met him, I was not going to drive my car. So here's, here's a, here's a tip ladies, if you're, if you're out here in these dating streets and they can be real crazy never let them know where you live until you are pretty sure about them, and don't even drive your car. I was going to Uber to wherever we met, because what you don't need to do is know the make and model of my car and you don't need to know the license plate number of my car. I was going to uber to wherever we met and always when I go on dates, somebody has my location. Somebody has my location every single time, because people are crazy. There's take that tip, use it for what you will.

Speaker 1: 24:56

So my friends were all like like they was ready to tussle with this man all of them. That's one thing I realized my friends don't play about me and I don't play about them, but they was ready to tussle with this man. And I had to say you know what y'all it I think is it's sad because clearly something is not right. But also I thank God that I have grown so much, because I could have gone back and forth and back and forth, but it's not worth it and I actually just laugh because I thank God for my confidence. Now, one thing he kept saying was like you're not the prize, baby girl. You're not the prize, you better get in the gym. But meanwhile I was looking at you like remember when I said he was a good looking guy and he was kind of fit, he was sending me pictures from the gym. Those were old pictures. No offense, those were old pictures. I'm going to leave it at that. So I laughed at it because I knew that I was respectful, which I did not owe him respect. I was open to a certain extent not too open to where you know my whole life story and I was still keeping my integrity and my safety.

Speaker 1: 26:15

But the way this man talked to me on those voicemails unacceptable. And then he had the nerve, the unmitigated call, to try to call me from his burner phone number that he had given me previously in the that he had DM me previously. He tried to call me from that number at almost midnight on what was it Wednesday night? So you spew all this vitriol to me on Tuesday, then you try to call me later that night, almost midnight, to try to get me. And remember when I said my phone goes on, do not disturb. At eight o'clock I didn't get it and my phone actually saw that number and labeled it as spam, so it didn't come through anyway. And then I saw that and I laughed. I said why is he calling me? Do you really think I'm going to talk to you after what you said to me and how you were treating me? And you didn't even think to even stop and ask me if I was okay.

Speaker 1: 27:19

So that showed me a lot, you know, that showed me a lot, like I was not about to sit up here and be playing with these red flags. No, sir, no, ma'am, no, ma'am, no, no, no, no, no, I am too grown for that. Now I, the old tracy, maybe Try to see it through my boy. I must see it through, but no, immediately, no, no, immediately, no. And so I'm glad that I didn't meet him. But I'm also mad that this is my first attempt at dating again and this is what I get. Ah, ah, this is my first attempt at dating again and this is what I get. But, um, let me tell you how funny my therapist is.

Speaker 1: 28:06

So Friday I had therapy and I was like I sent my therapist the voice notes too. And so when we got on our therapy session and I was telling him, he was like like who? Because I told him, my therapist, that, okay, I tried dating and this is what I got, like I ain't going back out there, I'm not going back out there. And I sent him the voice note. And so my therapist said T, have you ever been around somebody who does cocaine? And I was like no, I don't think. So he said well, you have now. And I was like what he said yes, this person is displaying addiction tendencies. God, I thank you for protecting me. So yeah, that was my story. With the top hat, all these dating streets are a trip, but I'm not giving up. I'm not giving up on love.

Speaker 1: 29:06

I keep telling a girlfriend of mine who's engaged now, like in the way that she and her fiance got engaged. It's just a beautiful story and the way that God just orchestrated everything and it just moved so fast. It was like kind of scary how fast it moved. But we, we know that it was God and his timing. I keep saying to my girlfriends like I know God got somebody back in the in the storage room wrapped in bubble wrap, just for me. He, just he just waiting for the perfect moment to, you know, display him.

Speaker 1: 29:34

But I'm also like God, don't let me get too, too up in age where I get really set in my ways and I'm like I don't even want to deal with you because I'm I'm gonna be honest with y'all. It's some days I don't want to deal with these, these men. I need him to come healed or at least on a healing journey. At least on a healing journey, because, yeah, I'm on a healing journey. There's some things that I'm healed from, but I'm also on a healing journey. So, yeah, I'm not giving up. I kind of feel like I'm gonna be walking down the street and then boom, there he's going to be, and then we're gonna live okay.

Speaker 1: 30:11

Okay, all right, but y'all, I share my dating shenanigans with y'all, because this, this, this by far, this by far is the worst experience I have had. I've had some some experiences with dating, but this by far was the worst, and I feel like God is answering my prayer, because I pray God. If he is not the one for me, let it end quickly, like, show me immediately and when I tell you, my discernment was on point. But now I got to get to the point where I'm believing what I'm seeing and believing what my body is telling me, because I had a literal reaction to this man, like tensed up, something triggered me. Tensed up, my body was telling me abort mission. My discernment is on point.

Speaker 1: 31:12

So, anyway, y'all, I would love to hear your dating shenanigans Like what are? Have you had a bad encounter with somebody, a bad first date, or even a good first date? Because I feel like I need some hope now, share stories of good dates, good first dates, good connections, things like that. So, again, I'm not giving up, because I know he out there somewhere. He's out there somewhere and he is praying that I don't meet somebody. And, sir, your prayer is being answered by the Lord, yeah. So, all right, I will. I'm going to get back out there, maybe not this week, maybe not the rest of this month. I think I need to have a hot girl summer, because that is something.

Speaker 1: 32:07

Anyway, y'all, I hope that you enjoyed this story, because you know, I said I'm gonna stop saying that my life is boring, because stuff like this happens to me a lot. So, yeah, thank you for tuning in, thank you for watching, thank you for sitting back and lending me your ears, y'all. I hope you come back next time. Come back next time. We don't know what's going to happen. Anyway, you best believe it's going to be something good. All right, now, before I sign off, I just want you to remember always, always, always. God loves you, I love you, and ain't nothing you can do about it. Boo Bye.