City of Dana Series: Pilgrim (Part 1)

"A Comedy of Realities"

Kathryn Elizabeth, a marine biologist, returns from an 18-hour long dive, suffering a serious case of “skin rot.” Li, an alternative scientist from Beijing, persuades the young marine biologist to sneak aboard the Brig Pilgrim, where they unexpectedly crash a children’s sleep-away camp that’s taking place on the 19th-century tall ship. Once on board, Kathryn Elizabeth stumbles upon a lover from her past, and a marriage proposal from a man she hardly knows.

A Tony award-winning method actor by the name of John Davies has a reputation in town for his streak of never breaking character. Even when the theatre was burning, he kept the show going, and the audience remained in their seats, believing it was part of the act. For some reason, John Davies has agreed to take a one-off role as the Pilgrim's despotic first mate, Proompt. Suffice to say, the actor begins taking his role a bit too seriously. When he refuses to break character and promotes his own theatrical, fictional narrative, reality itself begins to change aboard the Brig Pilgrim.

CREATED BY:
JORDAN PAUL SULLIVAN

CAST:
ALEX SARRIGEORGIOU as Kathryn Elizabeth
RACHANEE LUMAYNO as Li Libai
CECELIA BONNER as Nadia
GRANT CLEAVELAND as Ponc
RAY HURD as Narrator

MUSIC:
Kyle Landry, Across The Universe (Beatles Cover)

SCENE I.

THREE ACTORS stand upon the wharf before the Brig Pilgrim, gossiping amongst themselves.

ACTOR 1

I hear he’s a method actor.

ACTOR 2

What’s that?

ACTOR 1

I dunno. He’s won a Tony Award.

ACTOR 2

What’s a Tony Award?

ACTOR 1

I dunno.

ACTOR 3

He never breaks character, from what I heard.

ACTOR 1

Yah, that’s also what I heard.

ACTOR 2

He’s coming tonight?

ACTOR 3

That’s what I heard.

ACTOR 1

Then where is he?

ACTOR 3

I dunno.

ACTOR 1

This guy, Davies, he’s from the Dana Point Theater.

ACTOR 2

Didn’t that theater burn down?

ACTOR 1

A fire broke out during a staging of Moses and The Exodus. The fire came funneling down where the red sea was s’posed to be parting, and John Davies carried on as if the whole thing was just part of the act.

ACTOR 2

Aint no fire in Moses and The Exodus. How’d he manage to adopt a fire into the plot?

ACTOR 1

Davies, playin’ Moses, said the flames were a sign from God that the Israelites should return to Egypt.

ACTOR 3

The audience didn’t find that suspicious?

ACTOR 1

The audience stayed in their seats. They didn’t leave until the fire chief grabbed John Davies off the stage and ordered his men to force the audience out of the burning theater.

ACTOR 3

They bought into that plot structure? Kinda lame if you ask me, to end in the same place you started.

ACTOR 1

They interviewed a few of the theater-goers later on that week, and some of them did admit they felt it was strange, that the Israelites would be so eager to return to Egypt to become indentured servants to the Pharaoh… But, you know, while they were watchin’ it, they said it seemed alright.

ACTOR 2

Queer.

ACTOR 1

I’d say.

SCENE II.

The Dana Point Ocean Institute. The main hall of the institute is part laboratory, part museum and tourist gift shop, the latter of which is open to the public. There’s a monitor in the lab area upon which dive footage is playing. KATHRYN ELIZABETH, a marine biologist, age 30, enters from upstage right, wearing a conservative bikini top and a wetsuit that’s been peeled down to the level of her waste. There is a water-ulcer on her right lower abdomen, just above the wetsuit line. As KATHRYN ELIZABETH approaches her lab bench, she notices LI, a tall, thin, modelesque Chinese woman in her early thirties, rummaging through her notes and data. LI begins to take notes on a yellow pad. KATHRYN ELIZABETH is on the verge of collapsing into sleep, and appears quite confused by what she’s witnessing.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

I’ve never seen you before.

LI continues to take notes.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Are you affiliated with the Ocean Institute?

(without looking up from her pad)

So it’s a 500 year old spear-tip, probably from a harpoon, and a fin that belongs to either a shark or a whale…

KATHRYN ELIZABETH (interrupting)

Shark. Not a whale.

LI (confident)

The genetic analysis isn’t finished yet. This five-hundred year old creature, it could very well be a whale.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH (keeping calm)

It’s a shark. You can tell by the skin alone.

Can you now?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Whales evolved from land-based mammals, and so their skin is smooth like mine and yours… (enthusiastic) If you were to look well enough, you might even be able to find some hairs… (restraining herself) This piece of fin… (she points to a close-up photo) well, you can see the scales.

I’m aware of sharks and their scales.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH (extends her hand)

I’m Kathryn Elizabeth, by the way, Assistant Director of Marine Research here at the Ocean Institute of Dana Point.

I know who you are, Kathryn Elizabeth. I was sent here to work with you on this project. A Greenland shark, that’s what we’re thinking?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

And you’re, what? A scientist?

I am a scientist.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Sent by whom?

Why do you suspect the Greenland shark?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

It’s on the list of possibilities, for no other reason than it’s the only shark known to us that can live for up to 500 years. Did the director send you?

The director? You mean your supervisor? No… I was sent directly to you, Kathryn Elizabeth, from my own institute in Beijing.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Beijing? You don’t have an accent.

That’s part of my training.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

What does Beijing have to do with the Dana Point Ocean Institute?

The B.J.I.A.S. is one of the Ocean Institute’s main benefactors. Sixty percent of your budget in the previous fiscal year came directly, or indirectly, from B.J.I.A.S. contributions. Why do you think it’s so unlikely that a Greenland shark would end up off the coast of Dana Point?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

That wouldn’t just be unlikely. It would be more along the lines of the absurd.

(making a note on her pad)

Is it really so absurd?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

You’re not a marine biologist, I’ll take it.

I’ve read up on the ocean, because there are some theories that interest us at the Institute of Alternative Sciences that pertain to the ocean, but no, my own education was more in the fields of biophysics and molecular biology.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Alternative sciences?

It’s a poor translation. It’s science, in essence… with all the Western methods and models and studies, but with Chinese characteristics.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

There’s only one scientific method. It’s not Western. It’s just science.

Yes, there is one method, but there are different standards.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

And you’ve made findings that conflict with those of traditional scientific approaches?

Tens of thousands.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Such as? Give me one example.

All of our findings are proprietary at B.J.I.A.S.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Sounds fishy.

Indeed. It would be insulting to a woman of your intelligence to pretend it wasn’t fishy. But it works for us. It suits our purposes. Rest assured Kathryn Elizabeth, any findings that I or my partners back at B.J.I.A.S. make during this investigation will be made one-hundred percent transparent; you’ll have immediate access to our database upon request. You still haven’t answered my question: a Greenland shark in Dana Point… why do you find it so unlikely? (correcting herself) Absurd?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

It would be close to impossible, in theory.

LI takes a note on her pad

In theory. Why so?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

There’s just too many barriers. Crossing one barrier, I mean, I could permit that, but ten or twenty barriers…

What do you mean, barriers?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Borders, in essence. (she thinks for a moment) When I was a child, I used to imagine the ocean as a uniform, continuous sphere.

It’s not that.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

No, it’s not that. This is how most people imagine the ocean to be, give or take a little structuring.

Give or take.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

The painters and the poets throughout the ages took… mistook…

Undertook…

KATHRYN ELIZABETH (playful)

Mistook… the ocean to be a symbol of freedom. Michelangelo saw heaven; Rimbaud, eternity; Apollinaire, disorder and the fertility of women.

It’s not that.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

It’s not that. Not really… The ocean is much more ordered, dangerous, merciless, than how they took it to be, and the sea life within it is divided into discrete, unwavering domains. It’s not just one giant bubble.

It’s not just one giant bubble.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Passing from one loculated zone to the next, is unlikely… to bypass ten, twenty, and swim from the icy depths of Greenland to the warm shallows of Dana Point… Let’s just say, if this turns out to be the reality of our situation, it would be rather mind-boggling to me.

We have a saying at the institute of alternative sciences: that what seems absurd is often closer to reality, and what seems real is sometimes closer to the absurd. Once again, a poor translation.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

That’s ridiculous.

What’s ridiculous today is the truth tomorrow.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Says who?

LI (continues)

In the 1800’s there was a prominent ornithologist, a respected scientist, who took… mistook… misundertook… the great effort to document twenty-thousand distinct seagulls on the North American coasts, east and west, and concluded, correctly, based on the scientific method he had employed, and with his own standards of methodological rigor, that seagulls, as a species, have white bodies. He went to his grave believing he was correct in this assertion, and would have told me I sounded ridiculous if I would have suggested that there were seagulls that in fact have black bodies. He was correct based on his methods, but years later, black-bodied seagulls were discovered in New Zealand, and then in South America, discrediting our ornithologist’s entire proof about seagulls and white bodies.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

If anything, that’s proof that our methods work. As more data comes in, you update your model. It’s better to have a working model than stagnation.

Well, that’s where the alternative sciences disagree. We believe it’s better to be stagnant than wrong.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

There’s probably a very simple explanation for how a five hundred year-old spear ended up in a shark’s fin.

Man’s only explored 5% of the sea, after all. We hardly know what’s beneath our waters.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

(not taking LI seriously)

Yah, okay.

A mako shark suddenly enters into frame on the monitor

There’s a shark!

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

(looking at the monitor)

Adolescent mako.

He keeps swimming up to you.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Yah, a male mako… it’s one of the bite-y sharks.

Is that what happened there? (pointing to KATHRYN ELIZABETH’s ulcer)

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

No. That’s just a water-ulcer. I’m rotting. The human body wasn’t designed to remain submerged in water for more than an hour, let alone eighteen hours. Our human skin begins to rot.

LI (looking at the screen)

That must have been scary.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Rotting?

Getting circled by a mako shark.

LI palpates the blister on KATHRYN ELIZABETH’s abdomen

You should really get some ointment on that.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH, uncomfortable about letting this stranger touch her abdomen, gradually backs away, while consciously trying to avoid making the situation blatantly awkward. She hurriedly changes the subject of the conversation.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

So whatever we discover on this endeavor, we will be sharing our findings, with full transparency?

That’s my promise to you.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

So…

So in the transcripts three people said they’d spotted a shark, or what they believed to be a shark, next to some tall ship.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

The Brig Pilgrim.

That’s it!

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

So…

So?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

So, I mean, the transparency… I feel like it’s only going one way here.

LI (ignoring her)

The Pilgrim. It’s nearby, right?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Just outside the institute.

Built in the 1800’s?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

The one outside’s a replica. It’s old, but not that old.

Even if it’s a replica, the ship might remind this creature of a bygone world. Imagine aging to 500 years, and watching the world changing before your eyes, until the world of your youth has transformed into something… otherworldly.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH (laughing)

That’s the dumbest… Look, sharks aren’t nostalgic creatures. They’re dumb. Like really fucking dumb.

Full transparency?

LI pulls out a tablet

Greenland shark spotted off the coast of Cuba, three years ago.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Fuck… Is this for real? That’s deep isn’t it?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH takes a closer look

That’s Cuba. This is Dana Point. If we could locate a Greenland shark in the shallows of Dana Point Harbor, it would go a long way towards proving a fundamental theory of ours over at B.J.I.A.S.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

What theory is that?

Proprietary.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH (annoyed)

Of course.

As I said, everything else we find will be made available to you and your lab in full.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Do I have a choice in this partnership?

B.J.I.A.S. does account for over half of your paycheck, and more importantly, your director’s paycheck.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

So that’s a no, on the whole choice matter?

You could choose to quit.

LI lets out a playful laugh, and KATHRYN ELIZABETH returns the laughter with contentious playfulness. After the women are finished laughing, LI extends her hand towards KATHRYN ELIZABETH.

Put ‘er there (they shake hands)

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

If I find you’re hiding anything from me, or falsifying data…

KATHRYN ELIZABETH thinks for a minute, coming up with nothing too clever.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH (unsure)

Then I will divorce you!

Aren’t you a modest one?

Enter JACK, a frail-looking but sharply dressed doctor in his early thirties.

LI (observing the monitor)

And what’s this one? That’s not a mako.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH, distracted by JACK, doesn’t respond.

(looking up, and noticing JACK)

You know him?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

As well as I know the ocean.

So… barely?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

As well as I can. I have a year’s worth of data and models I’ve drawn up to know him by.

LI (uninspired)

I’m dry as the fucking Gobi.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

He’s a doctor. Specializes in children. He comes here every Tuesday to buy a pelican figurine for somebody… he says it’s for his grandmother, but I suspect that might not be the whole story. The better question for you to be asking is, does he know me?

Does he know you?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Not at all. He still believes I’m the receptionist for the gift shop.

You know, if you want to catch his eye, you could start by showing like (LI examines KATHRYN ELIZABETH’s chest) even a starter’s portion of cleavage.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

I don’t want him to know me like that.

LI (darkly)

What else is there?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH zips her wet suit up.

LI (disappointed)

Now you look like a fucking sea lion.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

I haven’t slept in twenty hours. This is not the time to make my move.

LI starts pulling KATHRYN ELIZABETH’s wet suit back down.

He’s already seen you with it down.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

(shocked at how she’s being violated, but trying to remain polite)

This is wildly inappropriate. I don’t know you, at all. This is quickly devolving into some unprofessional…

LI adjusts KATHRYN ELIZABETH’s bikini top.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

What the fuck?

You need to get laid; I can tell when a girl needs some long, and sturdy lumber.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

I need to lie down, and have a long and steady slumber… And if I’m lucky, perhaps a pleasant dream.

LI adjusts her bikini top again.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

And you need to stop touching my tits, dude.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH gently slaps LI's hand away.

Quiet. I may have come here to find a Greenland shark, but now a certain thing about a fellow scientist…

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

You’re not a scientist.

LI (continues)

Has got me intrigued. I’ll make you two promises: first, I’m gonna get you laid.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

I’d settle on having you show me to a bed. And the second?

We’re gonna find this Greenland shark. It’s out there, in the harbor.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Whatever it is, it may be in the harbor, but it’s not a Greenland shark. I’m going to bed.

JACK approaches. He observes KATHRYN ELIZABETH’s wetsuit.

JACK

Surfing? Paddleboarding? No, you look like the surfing type.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Scuba.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH becomes flustered on account of her attire. She quickly pulls up her wetsuit and zips it up to her neck.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Sorry.

You apologize too much.

JACK

Just this please.

JACK places the pelican figurine atop the lab table, next to the marine specimens.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

You say you buy these for your grandmother?

Don’t talk about his grandma. Jesus.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Do you surf?

JACK

God no. I avoid the ocean at all costs.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

I almost feel sorry for the ocean when you say it that way. Has the ocean offended you or something?

(taking pleasure in stirring the pot)

Sir, the checkout stand for the gift shop is over that way… just adjacent to the gift shop.

JACK

It’s okay. Kathryn Elizabeth here always checks me out.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

I do not. I mean, maybe a casual checking here and there. Nothing excessive or creepy. It’s natural, even healthy, to be curious.

Kathryn Elizabeth, this isn’t what I’m paying you for… you’re my Director of Research…

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Assistant Director, dude. (then, to JACK) Really, she’s not my boss. I barely know her.

JACK (putting two and two together)

You’re a scientist! Scuba diving! Ah ha. Got it. Why’d you let me think you were the receptionist for, God knows how long… nearly a year?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

I haven’t slept in like 20 hours, so I’m gonna go lie down. It’s nice to see you, Jack, as always.

Exit KATHRYN ELIZABETH, too exhausted to feel any sense of embarrassment or defeat.

I’ll check you out. Cash only.

JACK

You can keep the change. I’m in a bit of a rush. I need to be on the Brig Pilgrim by six o’clock.

The Pilgrim, you say?

LI grabs the money and slips it into her pocket. JACK doesn’t seem to care.

JACK

Every Tuesday night they do this sleep-away camp aboard the Brig Pilgrim for a class of children from one of the local elementary schools. By law, the camp is required to have a medical expert on board, so here I am. I volunteer every Tuesday.

Well, what a coincidence! Kathryn Elizabeth and I will be on board the Brig Pilgrim tonight as well.

JACK

As part of the camp?

God no. We’re looking for a 500-year old shark.

JACK

Five hundred? Can anything really live that long?

Why not?

Enter KATHRYN ELIZABETH.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH (embarrassed)

Forgot the key.

Be ready by six.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

For what?

To board the Brig Pilgrim.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

To board the Pilgrim?

JACK

See the two of you there. I really do have to be on my way. If anyone should require medical attention, I’ll be your appointed doctor for the evening.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

The hell is going on?

LI (to JACK)

Give me your hand.

JACK

I really do need to get…

I’ll be quick.

LI grabs JACK's hand. JACK is uncertain how to respond.

(aside, to KATHRYN ELIZABETH)

An old trick we used to play in high school with the boys in Beijing.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

(grabbing a set of keys from under the lab bench)

Don’t listen to anything she says.

(examining JACK’s hand, like a palm reader)

Here’s my portent. Jack here will save the life of a child, shrouded in a caul of water.

JACK (laughing)

A caul?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Oh, you can see the future now?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH turns away, and is about to exit stage right

You and Kathryn Elizabeth will be married, by noon tomorrow…

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

(turning back to LI, annoyed)

Li!

LI (continuing)

And if not, one of you will be dead.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH (appalled)

Jesus! Stop it. I’m going to bed.

You’ve got an hour till boarding.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

We can’t just board the Pilgrim.

Exit KATHRYN ELIZABETH

SCENE III.

The wharf before the Brig Pilgrim. Enter DAN, a well-built man in his early 30s, and NADIA, his fiance, a thin, dark-skinned Indian woman in her late 20s.

NADIA

(as if correcting something DAN’s said)

It’s a merchant vessel. And you haven’t been a bachelor in three years Mr. Kernigan… and you know it. A ring only makes it official.

DAN

Legally, I’m a bachelor until we’ve entered into a contract of…

NADIA (interrupting)

You leave that legal mumbo jumbo for somebody else. You’re no bachelor. And you know why? Because I say you’re no bachelor.

DAN

Alright, if you say I’m not a bachelor, then I’m not a bachelor.

NADIA

See how easy it is to beat you in an argument. Who says trial law is hard?

DAN

It really isn’t. It’s not nearly as difficult as teaching second graders.

NADIA

You’ll find that out real fast tonight, my pet chaperone; you get it? You’ll be the teacher’s pet tonight, Dan.

DAN

I’ll be the best damn chaperone this pirate ship has ever seen.

They exit, up the ramp to the Brig Pilgrim.

SCENE IV.

The deck of the Brig Pilgrim. THE CHILDREN are gathered in a circle around CAPTAIN MADDOX. QUIGLEY enters and begins passing out food to the children.

QUIGLEY

Cold salt-beef, dry biscuits. (he walks around to another set of children) Here you go. Cold salt-beef, dry biscuits. (and to another set of children) And for you. Cold salt-beef, dry biscuits.

ONE OF THE CHILDREN spits out the food. Enter DAN and NADIA, stage left.

QUIGLEY

Cold salt-beef, dry biscuits.

Enter PONC, carrying a stack of sailor uniforms. He begins distributing them to the children.

MADDOX

(with as little enthusiasm as possible)

Come morning we’ll be serving oat-meal with brown sugar, which might be a little more appetizing to you all, you adorable green-hands. Now, seamen don’t dress in denim and hoodies. Do they? No, they don’t.

DAN

This man really hates his job, doesn’t he?

NADIA

Well, if you had to do this every week, you’d start to hate your job too. The man’s an actor, and this is where he’s ended up.

DAN

I’d still put in more effort than that.

NADIA

Imagine his disappointment. He has an audience that would be just as entertained by a birthday clown tying animals out of balloons.

MADDOX (toneless)

You’ll get blown off the upper yards with a billowy shirt like that.

DAN

This is difficult for me to watch, Nadia. At least with the birthday clown they’d have the option to leave.

NADIA

Daniel…

DAN

Or slit their wrists with the cake knife.

NADIA

Daniel, don’t be morbid.

Enter KATHRYN ELIZABETH and LI, stage right (across-ship from DAN and NADIA). LI is carrying a clanking bag of wine bottles.

MADDOX

Here are your outfits. You can change after you finish your supper, once you head down into the cabin. Tarpaulin hats. Duck trousers. The old dependable checkered shirt.

DAN (playful, aloud)

Do I get a uniform, Captain?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

(still drowsy, squinting, looking over towards where DAN is standing)

Is that… No, that couldn’t be…

(she laughs, and appears relieved)

MADDOX

If any of the adult chaperones would like to indulge in this good fun, you’ll find chests set out along the starboard side. The adult costumes, I’m afraid to say, are not the standard sailing gear. It’s more or less a bunch of items we’ve collected over the years; a lost and found, you could say.

NADIA is unamused by the costumes. DAN is a little too elated. DAN digs through the stage left costume bin with a sense of childish enjoyment, and finds a billowing white pirate shirt, and a set of long beige pants. LI brings KATHRYN ELIZABETH over to the stage right costume bin, and the two of them begin pulling out item after item. KATHRYN ELIZABETH pulls out a Sailor Moon cosplay outfit.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH (suspicious)

Lost and found?

What adult chaperone would leave behind her Sailor Moon cosplay outfit?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

In perfect condition too.

Such a chaperone would be out of her mind.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

I, in all sincerity, would love to meet that woman.

LI pulls out more costumes: German beer wench, a mermaid’s tube top, and then a TRICORNE HAT.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

I think I could pull the hat off.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH puts on the Tricorne hat and smiles at LI. LI takes off her shirt, revealing a rather seductive bra. KATHRYN ELIZABETH immediately hits LI on the shoulder, and positions herself between LI and THE CHILDREN.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Are you trying to get yourself arrested?

LI doesn’t respond, and continues to show indifference towards the children as she dresses. LI spots a trench coat in the bin.

LI (with intrigue)

Oh!

LI takes the trench coat and holds it up, then throws it into the bag she is carrying. As she stuffs the coat into the bag, wine bottles clank. Exit LI.

MADDOX

After dinner you’ll all head down to your sleeping quarters and get as much rest as you can.

DAN

You see that girl in the pirate hat?

NADIA

For the last time, Dan, it’s not a pirate ship. (she looks across the ship, and spots KATHRYN ELIZABETH’s hat). Oh, that is a pirate hat. Oh my god, that’s…

DAN

That’s who I think it is, right?

NADIA (elated, for some reason)

Is that Kathryn Elizabeth?

DAN (concerned)

It’s not a good omen, you know. I wouldn’t get so excited if I were you.

NADIA

Ah, is big Dan Dan scared of his little ex girl-fweeend?

DAN

The night before our wedding? It can’t be a good sign, you know.

NADIA

I had lunch with her two days ago.

DAN

Did she mention anything about being on the Pilgrim the night before our wedding?

NADIA

Why the hell would that come up? It’s really not such a coincidence she’s here. She does work in that building, right over there.

DAN

I don’t think she’s spotted us yet.

NADIA

You can avoid her and avoid her if you want, but I’m not playing this game. It’s ancient, and quite frankly, it’s boring. You both just need to move on, for my sake.

MADDOX

My first mate, Proompt, will be taking over responsibilities for now. Your Captain is off to get his sleep. This is the greatest perk of being Captain: sleep!

DAN

A perk for all of us when this guy sleeps.

Exit MADDOX. Enter JACK. JACK walks up to KATHRYN ELIZABETH, and stands to her right side. KATHRYN ELIZABETH acknowledges JACK, but JACK’s eyes are locked upon NADIA. He remains silent, as if he is in a state of shock. DAN looks over to where JACK is standing.

DAN

Is that who I think it is?

NADIA

Didn’t he leave the country?

DAN

He looks a little older than I remember.

NADIA

People age, even when you don’t see them for three years.

DAN

Oh, really, Nadia?

NADIA

That can’t be a good sign. The night before our wedding day.

DAN

It’s Jack, is all.

NADIA

You were concerned about Kathryn Elizabeth. You were with her for one year. Those are the chicken scraps of a relationship, Dan.

DAN

It was a pandemic year. That’s longer than just a year.

NADIA

Jack and I were engaged. We were together for six years.

DAN

And Jack and I were friends long before you ever knew him… since we were children. He and I were like brothers.

NADIA

And yet he hasn’t spoken to either of us in three years.

DAN

Do you think the two of them know each other? They are standing side by side over there. Now, come on, Nadia, there’s no way in hell that that’s just some coincidence.

NADIA

It could be a coincidence.

JACK and NADIA lock eyes for a few moments, and JACK, as if traumatized by the sight of NADIA, finally breaks his silence.

JACK (melancholic)

Marry me.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH (laughing)

You don’t know me at all.

JACK (more confident)

Marry me.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

You’re mocking me.

JACK (earnest)

I’m sincere and appealing to any romantic bone in your body. (Seductively) The right hip bone, perhaps.

JACK touches her hip

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Careful of my ulcer.

JACK

Sorry.

JACK pulls his hand back

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

I don’t know, Jack. What you said earlier about the ocean. I’m not sure if we’re sympatico. Let’s say I agreed to this… And I still think you’re mocking me…

JACK (interjecting)

I’m not mocking you…

KATHRYN ELIZABETH (continuing)

Would you promise me one thing?

JACK

What’s that?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Will you at least promise to come and explore the sea with me?

JACK

As long as we can both acknowledge that I’d only be doing so begrudgingly.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Okay.

JACK

What do you mean, okay?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

I mean, good enough.

JACK

Is that a maybe?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

That’s a ‘why not?’

JACK

So we’re good?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Good enough. (then, testing JACK) If we are gonna get married, we should tie the knot before tomorrow at noon. For your sake.

JACK

You mean the palm reader from Beijing? You know that everything that comes out of that girl’s mouth is horseshit?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Obviously.

JACK

But it’s interesting…

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

What? Tell me.

JACK

That you’d assume I’d be the one to die.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Why’s that so interesting? I don’t intend to die.

JACK

I just feel that I should caution you, um… to remind you… that you’re the one who appears to be rotting.

JACK points to KATHRYN ELIZABETH’s water-ulcer.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

(she slaps his arm down)

Hey now. We’re all rotting. You, me, any system that’s complex, we’re all in a controlled state of decay, fiance.

JACK (correcting her)

Homeostasis.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

(correcting him)

Nope. Just rot. Every complex system. The sturdy order of Romance. Romance never died, fiance, it’s just been gradually rotting away, ever since its construction began upon some shared dream of Middle Earth.

JACK (correcting her)

The Middle Ages. Is that how you perceive the world, my warm and bubbly fiance?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Not in a sad way or anything. Do you know Baudelaire?

JACK

Who?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Or Cattelan?

JACK

The board game?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

No, Cattelan, the early 21st century performance artist. Dude duct-taped a banana to a wall, and called the thing art. I see the world as that yellow banana, duct-taped to the wall. Did you know that a yellow banana, though most appealing to us, aesthetically, isn’t fresh at all? You can’t see the beauty, and that’s why you find it so off-putting. You know, the artist taped that banana to the wall as a joke.

JACK

You didn’t take it as a joke?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

A lot of great art begins as a joke. Did you know that Shakespeare wrote all of his plays as jokes?

JACK

I don’t know Shakespeare.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

I remember the first time I saw the rot of that banana, and how it defied the stagnation of the duct tape that bound it, confining it in space. It’s beautiful. All things rot away. The reality of the Romans decayed into the Christian reality, and the Christian reality decayed into our own reality, which is governed by science and reason. It’s a sign of a healthy ecosystem. It is in the ocean, at any rate.

JACK

It’s not a very good philosophy for those of us in medicine: out with the rot.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

We’re all entitled to our own interpretations of the world.

JACK

Are we?

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Of course we are. This is America, after all.

JACK

That’s right. You’re a first-time camper. The year is 1840. That’s the year we’re in.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Yah, so what if we are?

JACK

Then this is Mexico, my dear fiancé. I need to check in with the captain.

JACK exits down the stairs, doing his best to avoid NADIA and DAN along the way. A voice calls up from beneath deck.

PROOMPT (offstage, dramatic)

Listen!

Enter LI.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

What’s that?

It’s coming from downstairs.

PROOMPT (offstage, dramatic)

Do you hear it? There it is! And there! (short pause) It sounds off once more.

Enter JOHN DAVIES, as FIRST MATE PROOMPT

PROOMPT (dramatic)

Silent as a tit-mouse, invisible as the winds that touch our sails, some penetrating force runs through every one of us… What is it? The spirit of the Pilgrim, perhaps. There’s a will out there, I can sense it. But why has this will awakened? Why tonight of all the nights? Is it really circumstance that a five-hundred year old whale circles out there in our harbor?

I told you it could be a whale.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

It’s not a whale.

PROOMPT

And what else! A lusting! It disseminates like a musk in the darkened breezes. Sea nymphs, I am attuned to your scents! The intoxication! The odor that climbs on board a vessel when the magnificent female form invites its sea-dwelling counterpart to come take part in the rule-assaulting games of man and woman’s courtship. Oh, the Pilgrim doth awaken! Women with your long-flowing hair and your form that jiggles about with laughter; disguise yourselves. (PROOMPT very briefly looks over at LI). For the Pilgrim shows no greater animosity than when she encounters for her billowing sails a competing figure, be it nymph, or the slender gaps and curves of woman.

PROOMPT briefly looks over at LI.

I’m so fucking turned on right now.

LI partially unbuttons her checkered shirt.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH (playful)

Put your tits away.

LI (playful)

Once you stop acting a boob.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Don’t you dare go tit for tat with me, nymph.

My knickers pound, or something pounds my knockers. The pounding is not for an actor, but I’ll be a sea nymph for a sailor, and I intend to fuck me a first mate.

PROOMPT

The very winds that direct our ship are sisters to the wind that seeks to capsize our vessel, or dash us against a protuberant rock. The seawater that coddles the great hull of the Pilgrim is constructed of the selfsame moisture that eats away, even now, at the wood beneath our feet.

One of THE CHILDREN begins to cry

DAN

Protuberant rocks? If I have no idea what he’s talking about, you can bet the kids’ minds are off in goddamn Timbuktu.

NADIA stares into the distance, in a state of panic

DAN

Hey, Nads, you alright? (teasing) You’re not getting scared, are you?

NADIA hugs DAN tightly

DAN

It’s an act. It’s John Davies. They say he never breaks character.

NADIA

Shut up, Dan. Hold me.

DAN

You’re getting worked up over nothing. It’s a dramatic production.

NADIA

I know, I know. It’s something he said earlier, the invisible will; I think that’s what he called it. It’s nothing, I know.

PROOMPT

Ah, First Mate Proompt, all hope is lost! We’ll soon be gazing collectively into the eyes of our doom, with absolute certainty. If you’ve never had to think about the elements and your death amidst such a calamity of them, then that’s a privilege to which you’re all entitled. The first mate cannot afford to trifle with such fantastic dreaming. Your mate knows how to balance the spirit of the Pilgrim and the elements around her. I’ll get you through this. That’s my promise. All I demand in return is your complete loyalty, and strict obedience. Those who fall out of line will be punished, to the full extent of this vessel’s laws. These laws I know well, for they’re the laws I’ve written. They’re laws that I’ve for years enforced. (then, with authority) Cricket! Come forth!

CRICKET comes to PROOMPT

CRICKET

Yes, Mate.

PROOMPT (to CRICKET)

Delegate to the crew: we set sail. Pacific trade winds by 6am, and passing Mexico City by Saturday noon. Delegate, Cricket. What I command, get it done.

CRICKET

Yes, Mate.

PROOMPT sniffs the air.

PROOMPT

There’s a foul odor coming from the deck. I want it washed during the night watch. Make it happen.

Exit PROOMPT. Enter PONC, carrying dirty plates.

CRICKET

Ponc! First Mate’s orders: set sail.

PONC

The Pilgrim doesn’t leave the dock, new guy. This is when you tell the kids, get to bed, tell them you’ll wake ‘em for the night watch. Try to get some rest.

Exit PONC

CRICKET

Okay, um… Please follow me, kids… to the, um, under-ship!

Exit CRICKET, into the belly of the ship, followed by THE CHILDREN

NADIA

You’ll be rooming with Jack, you know.

DAN

It’s been three years… I’m sure he misses me as much as I miss him.

NADIA

You’re insane if you believe that. I’m gonna go say hello to Katy Beth. You should come. She always asks about you.

DAN

Nah.

NADIA

It’s been a year. She’s moved past all that, Dan.

DAN

You go do that. I’ll, um, you know, make sure the kids make it alive down the stairs.

NADIA runs over towards stage right.

NADIA (energetic, hollering)

Kathryn Elizabeth! Kathryn Elizabeth!

NADIA runs over to KATHRYN ELIZABETH and briefly picks her up in a state of unbridled elation. KATHRYN ELIZABETH seems to be confused and has no idea what’s going on.

NADIA (excited)

What the heck are you doing here, Katy Beth?

DAN passes towards the stairs, herding the kids down into the cabin. As KATHRYN ELIZABETH glances around the ship in a state of drowsy confusion, she spots DAN, for the first time in well over a year, and as they lock eyes, ever briefly, she scratches softly against her chest-bone, startled and confused by what’s going on.

KATHRYN ELIZABETH

Li, I think I’m gonna need to nap for another hour or two.

Lantern Theatre

City of Dana Series: Pilgrim (Part 1)

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