"A Comedy of Realities" The night watch has started. Mate Proompt’s reality-altering performance is about to begin. Kathryn Elizabeth takes on a persona, "The Prince of Dana," though Li suspects she might be bleeding into her brain. What will happen when The Prince of Dana comes face to face with Mate Proompt? But first, we open with Cricket leading 25 of the children up to deck, carrying the method actor's six-foot long harpoon. It’s time for the night watch!
"A Comedy of Realities" The night watch has started. Mate Proompt’s reality-altering performance is about to begin. Kathryn Elizabeth takes on a persona, "The Prince of Dana," though Li suspects she might be bleeding into her brain. What will happen when The Prince of Dana comes face to face with Mate Proompt? But first, we open with Cricket leading 25 of the children up to deck, carrying the method actor's six-foot long harpoon. It’s time for the night watch!
SCENE I.
The deck. Same as before. A few moments pass, and then the jangling of PROOMPT’s whip is heard. Enter PROOMPT, via the stairwell. He occupies the box of light, which illuminates his face and costume with a sense of factitious grandeur.
PROOMPT
Ah!
PROOMPT takes a long, deep breath, and he appears refreshed by the air.
PROOMPT (to himself)
The open sea! Night, fallen in all directions. Darkness, and silence all, and water. The seafarer returns to the deep reaches of the ocean, and the night falls, awakens in him doth the most refined and subtlest of his hibernating senses: the brush of wind like gullfeathers ‘gainst his cheek, the rhythmic heaving of the currents carrying about in their muffled commutations: Southwards! First Baja! Then Peru, and Patagonia. The Land of Fire! In the heavens, dark-bellied angels on the verge of slumber tease him with a frenzy of winks. ‘tis all left to us, ’tis all, ’tis all, to bring assurance to the seafarer: though forsaken of land, still he be. The seafarer’s senses wait in recess like a monk in diligent study of his books, perchance, to be reawakened, when another sailor calls out that pair of words, those words which can beckon forth the utmost efficiency of his crew, the words…
CRICKET (offstage, interrupting)
Goddamn it!
PROOMPT
Were those the words? I think not.
A commotion is heard coming from below.
PROOMPT
(looking down into the stairwell)
Cricket, have I lost you?
CRICKET
(in the stairwell)
Sorry, Mate Proompt. This thing has to weigh a good hundred pounds.
Enter CRICKET, carrying the harpoon, harpoon mount, and two marlin spears.
CRICKET
Good god! I’m dead.
Enter THE CHILDREN. THE CHILDREN immediately exit stage right and stage left. Enter PONC, and STAMO, followed by DAN, and then NADIA, who is holding hands with AIDO, a seven year old boy.
NADIA
I can’t see a thing. Do you have a flashlight, Dan?
DAN
Why would I have a flashlight, Nadia?
NADIA
You know what I mean. Your phone, Dan.
DAN
You told me not to bring my phone. You think the sailors had cell phones, Dan. Keep that shit out of 1840. They’ve got enough problems. You remember?
NADIA
That sounds like something I’d say.
DAN
Is it usually this dark?
PONC
It’s a rolling blackout. It happens from time to time.
DAN
Never seen it this dark.
PROOMPT
Fifteen miles, in all directions, water. No torch or campfire, no laments from sleepless cattle, no lighthouse to beckon us hurry home, not a homemade stew with beef and one hearty potato in it, awaiting us at the local inn, our favorite hostess greeting us at the counter with smile genuine as smiles do come. Black waters consumed by the black skies, and then us sailors, in the middle of it all. The open seas, what life! We’re home, my fellow seamen.
DAN
(to NADIA, but loud enough for PROOMPT to overhear)
I’m pretty sure we’re still in the harbor. Come here, Nadia. If you squint hard enough, you can still see the edge of the dock. It’s barely visible, but there it is. That slither of light. That’s the dock.
PROOMPT doesn’t respond.
NADIA
Daniel! Play along. I mean it.
AIDO
I see the dock!
NADIA
Fix that while you’re at it, will you? Don’t ruin this for the children. That’s what I want preprogrammed into your little lawyer brain, Dan.
DAN
Jesus. (he picks up AIDO) Hey Aido, do you see it? Do you see the dock?
AIDO
I do.
NADIA
Daniel! He does NOT see it.
DAN
Yah, calm your horses. Watch and learn, my lady. This is why they pay me the big bucks. Say Aido, you know why you see the edge of the dock there?
AIDO
The dock!
DAN
Because why?
AIDO
Because… the dock. It’s there.
DAN lifts AIDO and holds the boy against his chest. They gaze off the port side of the ship.
DAN
Hey Aido, look at the moon. (AIDO looks up) Okay? Still looking at it? Now close your eyes. (AIDO does as told). Keep them closed. Now look down to where the dock used to be. Keep your eyes closed! Don’t open them until I tell you. Now open your eyes. What do you see in the water?
AIDO opens his eyes, and becomes excited
AIDO
The moon!
DAN
The moon! What? The moon is in the water?
AIDO
No!
DAN
Do you know what eyes do when they don’t see anything and they go to sleep Aido?
AIDO
Dream?
DAN
That’s right. They dream about the very last thing they looked at. What’s the last thing your eyes looked at on this side of the ship, when your eyes were still awake?
AIDO
(excited that he knows the answer)
The dock!
DAN
The dock. When we look over there we think we see a dock, but the dock isn’t there anymore, is it? Nope. There’s nothing, just the ocean.
AIDO looks down at the water
AIDO
There’s nothing.
NADIA
Slow it down, Dan.
PROOMPT
Ponc, you’re the one I’m relieving. How many miles do you reckon we’ve traveled since Cricket left you in command?
PONC
Not many.
PROOMPT
How many is not many?
PONC
Not many at all. We’ve traveled none.
PROOMPT
The real update, Ponc. Out with it. I haven’t time for your jests and rakes. I have a watch to supervise. Your update, Third Mate Ponc!
PONC
We’re moored to the dock. That’s the update. The Brig Pilgrim is in the harbor, where it was yesterday, and the day before that.
NADIA
This man is a derelict, Dan. Do something.
CRICKET
(concerned for his own well-being)
Ponc is very tired, Mate Proompt. He may also be a bit drunk.
PONC
I can see the fucking dock.
NADIA
Dan!
DAN
(feigning confidence, loud enough for all to hear)
We’re at least 18 miles out into the Pacific.
PROOMPT
A promising young voice, and familiar to my ears, though who he be, I can’t put my nose to it, for I can’t see past it. Who speaks?
DAN
As someone who spent a good ten years on, you know, pirate, um, sailing ships like this one here, I can tell you, we’re 18 miles out from the North American mainland. My senses are attuned to the salt gradients.
PROOMPT
10 years experience, you say?
DAN
Ten long years, every year longer than the previous one, or so it seemed.
PROOMPT
That is the way with the sea.
DAN
If you’re finely attuned, as I am, from years and years of tuning my senses, you can determine your ship’s precise distance from the continent. The saltier the air gets, and the softer the ocean, you know, hums.
PROOMPT
The ocean! Hums does it?
DAN
So as I smell the salt in the air, and listen to the hum of the ocean, I can calculate with a high degree of accuracy, that we’re 18 miles…
PROOMPT
Nautical miles?
DAN
Nautical miles… from the American continent.
NADIA
You didn’t really spend time aboard ships before you were a lawyer, right Dan?
DAN
No, Nadia. I’m playing along with it.
NADIA
Oh, keep it up. It’s getting me in the mood.
DAN (to NADIA)
Do I look like I swing that way, sailor?
NADIA
Not at all.
PROOMPT
What a fine-tuned sailor, with ten years experience, and senses enviable. I won’t have you as some common sailor. Ponc you’re relieved of your duties. You there (to DAN), your name please?
DAN
Dan. Daniel Kernigan.
PROOMPT
Kernigan, a Mick, are you? You drunk as well, sailor?
DAN
That’s besides the point. You should know, I function even better when I’m drinking.
PROOMPT
The only trustworthy Micks are the ones who fit such a description. How I know that well. Kernigan, you’ve been promoted to third mate.
DAN
(to NADIA, proud of himself)
Hear that, Nadia? I already got a promotion.
NADIA
Slow it down, Dan.
DAN
You alright, Nadia?
NADIA
Yes, but I’m starting to believe we’re on the high seas.
NADIA laughs, a bit unsettled. DAN continues to fabricate, expertly.
DAN
We are on the high seas.
PROOMPT
Kernigan is right, sailors. Anything you think you see out there is certainly an illusion. That’s but the simplest of many tricks the sea does play on the naive sailor.
DAN
If you fell for the illusion of the dock, you’re bound to fall for any of the others.
PROOMPT
The nymph who enters your cabin, exposing her shivering genitals and dripping an ocean of herself upon the floor till your boots are logged…
NADIA covers AIDO’s ears
PROOMPT (continuing)
Only to distract you, as a high roller swallows your crew, lusting, into the nymph’s body, which is to say, the ocean, since she is but a trick the ocean plays.
NADIA
Are there Atlantic nymphs, and Pacific nymphs, and well, Indian nymphs, who’d come, of course, from the Indian Ocean?
PROOMPT
All nymphs, to my knowledge, are descended from the Greeks.
NADIA
I couldn’t be a nymph then.
PROOMPT
Nymphs haven’t the form immutable. A nymph could take the body of any woman. Your body even, can be mirrored. With clothes, sailor, or without clothes, as the nymph desires you to appear.
NADIA
Oh, he’s taken my clothes off, Dan.
DAN
I told you I’m not into that sort of thing, sailor.
PROOMPT
I’ve seen a nymph change clothes and remain in the same body, or change body and remain in the same clothes. There are even some real hellhounds in the deeper parts of the ocean, nymphs who can change their form, not in a process, but in the blink of an eye.
Enter KATHERYN ELIZABETH in the trench coat LI was previously wearing, along with LI, who is still wearing the checkered shirt with denim shorts. KATHRYN ELIZABETH and LI hold hands as they walk.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Who the hell took my clothes, then?
LI
Beats me.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
You’re the one who wanted to get me into this damned trench coat in the first place. You’ve a motive, nymph.
LI
I told you it wasn’t me.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH and LI exit stage right. PROOMPT catches sight of KATHRYN ELIZABETH’s trench coat from behind.
PROOMPT
Oh, that black coat! I recognize it. Kernigan, I may have caught sight of one of these shape-shifting nymphs just now.
PROOMPT grabs one of the marlin spears
PROOMPT
Are your senses tunable to the musk of naiads by any chance? There’s a salt component.
Exit DAN, following LI.
PROOMPT
Cricket, I’m off to poop (by which he means, the poop deck; CRICKET gives the Marlin spear a curious look). I want you to assemble the harpoon. When you’re finished, mount it, and double, triple check that it’s stable.
Exit PROOMPT.
NADIA (observing the harpoon)
That thing is safe, right? It’s a prop?
CRICKET
It’s not a prop.
NADIA
Of course you’d have to say that. And we’re out at sea, too.
NADIA laughs
CRICKET
We’re 18 miles out to sea.
NADIA becomes unsettled. Enter DEDAI.
DEDAI (to AIDO)
I’m gonna become a whale!
AIDO
You can’t.
DEDAI
Yes, I can.
AIDO
You can’t be a whale, Dedai! Dumb Dedai. Dedai's a dumb dumb.
NADIA
Hey! Enough!
AIDO
The scientist said so… Dedai can’t become a whale. Dedai is stupid.
DEDAI
You’re stupid!
NADIA
Oh did Kathryn Elizabeth tell you you couldn’t become a whale, Dedai? You don’t call girls stupid, Aido. It’s a real rotten thing to call somebody.
AIDO
The scientist said…
NADIA (interrupting)
You listen here. Just because some scientist with a highfalutin degree tells you that something isn’t possible, that doesn’t mean it’s true. If your dream is to become a whale, then don’t stop believing you can do it, just because someone who thinks they understand this world better than you comes along and tries to convince you your dreams are foolish.
AIDO
So she can become a whale?
NADIA
(oblivious to AIDO’s mental anguish)
Of course she can! Just don’t become a whale on this ship, Dedai. We’ll sink and we’ll all be at the bottom of the ocean.
AIDO looks at DEDAI in terror.
DEDAI (taunting)
I’ll sink this ship!
AIDO (worried)
Ms. Nadia, we need to throw Dedai in the water.
NADIA
We’re not throwing anyone into the water.
AIDO
She’ll sink us.
NADIA
Dedai, if I promise to go get you a lollipop, will you promise not to turn into a whale and sink the ship?
DEDAI (defiant, she shouts)
No!
DEDAI runs off. AIDO begins crying; he hugs NADIA’s leg.
NADIA
It’s okay, Aido. She’s only acting out. Run along now. You’re supposed to be on watch, whatever that means.
AIDO
No.
CRICKET drops a screwdriver, and the harpoon and the mount fall over, making a loud racket. CRICKET, frustrated calls out to AIDO.
CRICKET
Sailor!
AIDO doesn’t answer, as he doesn’t realize he’s the one being called.
CRICKET
You! Sailor!
AIDO (he points to himself)
Me?
CRICKET (frustrated)
You’re standing there during your shift, and you aint doing nothing. I need you. Come on, get over here.
AIDO begins to walk over, cautiously slow, towards CRICKET and the harpoon
NADIA
This is all starting to feel so strange. Moments ago I was convinced it was the year… Oh, what was that year? It’s like I can almost believe it’s the year 1840, and I’m aboard the Brig Pilgrim, and I’m 18 miles out into the pacific. Did I wake up here from that dream? Now look at me. I’m a common sailor, suffering my way through the 1840s. What came over me, to make me think I was in that other year, what year was it? When the truth is too absurd to believe, it doesn’t make you a fool when you refuse to believe it.
CRICKET
What are you doing there, talking to yourself?
NADIA
Day dreaming is all.
CRICKET
No day-dreaming on the night watch! If you’re on duty, you’ll be working. You come help me too.
NADIA
It won’t happen again, Second Mate. How can I be of help with the fishing equipment?
SCENE II.
On the poop deck. Enter DAN and PROOMPT, sprinting. KATHRYN ELIZABETH and LI are nowhere to be seen.
PROOMPT
The temptress went that way!
DAN
How do you know? We lost them next to the kitchen thing… the galley.
PROOMPT
You're right, I don’t know.
DAN
First you say she’s that way, and then you tell me you have no idea where she is? What gives?
PROOMPT
The trappings of leadership. It’s my obligation to project confidence to subordinates like you, Kernigan, even when I have my doubts. Congratulations, you’ve seen the frail biology of your mate.
DAN
You’re gonna answer some questions for me, Davies.
PROOMPT begins to walk away from DAN. DAN grabs PROOMPT by the collar and pins him against the railing.
DAN
Here’s why you’ll answer whatever I ask you. It’s because I’m bigger than you. I have a bet to win, and I intend to win it. I don’t enjoy losing.
PROOMPT locks eyes with DAN.
PROOMPT
Some Davies, is it, that I’m meant to be?
DAN
When were you born?
PROOMPT
I promote you to third mate and here you are, already attempting mutiny against me!
DAN
When were you born? Out with it!
PROOMPT
Get your hand off me or I will have it removed by Chef Quigley. You would be shuddering right now, if you could only imagine the way he discards the heads of marlon.
DAN
You won’t respond to force, I get it. So how about a deal. Answer my questions, and for the rest of the evening, you’ll have my complete obedience. Tell me to jump off the ship, I’ll jump; no questions asked. A lapdog I’ll be.
PROOMPT
A mutineer who promises loyalty! Am I going mad?
DAN
If you ever needed a wingman to really carry out a charade that was more real than the real itself, I can be your trickster, and convince the old reality that it’s become a dud.
PROOMPT (perhaps breaking character)
Be careful when cracking an egg with an egg. You might get yolk on your shoe. Yours is such a nice shoe.
DAN (continues)
Now answer me: when were you born?
PROOMPT
Your threats have no hold on me. The promise, however, of your loyalty, I find enticing. I was born January 17th, 1804.
DAN
How old does that make you?
PROOMPT
Ha! 36.
DAN
Good job. Easy math. The first time you ever sailed? Age and year.
PROOMPT
In 1817… I was but 12 years old.
DAN
Who was president then?
PROOMPT
I don’t know.
DAN
Ha!
PROOMPT
It may have been Madison. No, Monroe. We had a chef named Monroe and the sailors called him Pres… sailors like ourselves, we have the luxury to forget presidents and kings, or whomever the Gods decide should rule over that secondary domain of land.
DAN
So I guess you’d extend that defense to explain why it is you don’t know who the president is today. I mean, in 1840.
PROOMPT
I know the year. I don’t know who the president is. You and I have been on this ship for 11 months now. I’d suppose you don’t know who the president is either. Tell me Kernigan, who’s head of state over there on the American mainland?
DAN
In 1840?
PROOMPT
When else? Do you know?
DAN (aside, frustrated)
The defendant wins by cross-examining his prosecutor. What the hell is wrong with me? (to PROOMPT)
PROOMPT
You’re my slave now, Kernigan.
DAN
Yah. We’re not using that word.
PROOMPT
Jump off the ship, Kernigan.
DAN
I’m not done yet. (he thinks a moment) Your first voyage was in 1817. That’s long before the Pilgrim was around. Tell me, before I count down from three, what was the first ship you sailed on?
PROOMPT
Well…
DAN
Name it, in three, two, one…
PROOMPT (scrambling)
The HMS Beagle!
DAN (suspicious)
The HMS Beagle? Hey! Isn’t that the ship that Charles Darwin guy took, you know, when he went down to that island with the blue-footed boobies?
PROOMPT (aside)
Darwin! The Darwinian. Your paranoia is contagious. I suddenly suspect there’s something quite off about Cricket’s story.
DAN
So… HMS. That’s a British ship, right?
PROOMPT
Yes, I know where you’re going with this. I had to take a connecting voyage. How’d I hear about a job aboard some British ship, you’ll ask me after. The classifieds in the newspaper, which I read in Boston.
DAN
Goddamn, he’s good.
PROOMPT
How’d you hear about the Pilgrim’s voyage?
DAN
My fiance.
PROOMPT begins laughing.
PROOMPT
You’re funny, Kernigan. For that, I feel a little less inclined to send you into the grumbling bowels of the ocean.
DAN lets PROOMPT go. PROOMPT points his gun at DAN.
DAN
Get that thing out of my face.
PROOMPT
You’re my slave for the night.
DAN
Your faithful dog. But conditions apply.
PROOMPT
What conditions?
DAN
One: you don’t call me slave.
PROOMPT
Dog it is. And two?
DAN
You don’t point weapons at me.
PROOMPT
Deal.
PROOMPT puts his gun back into the holster. KATHRYN ELIZABETH enters and then casually exits.
PROOMPT
There she goes! That’s the nymph’s coat.
DAN
As long as this ends with you tossing that Chinese spy into the water, I’ll play along; I’ll be your dog.
Exit DAN and PROOMPT. Enter LI, stage left. Enter KATHRYN ELIZABETH, wandering back onto set. Both women are oblivious to the fact that DAN and PROOMPT are pursuing them.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
So this is the poop deck? I overshot it, almost went off the back end. Any luck in rendezvousing with the first mate?
LI
I saw him when we first came up on deck. Haven’t seen him since.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH laughs derisively at LI. KATHRYN ELIZABETH wipes some blood from her head, and examines the wet blood on her hand.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH (mocking LI)
Show him your tits! Remind the man of the immortality he once felt while sucking on his mother’s boob. Is that all you’ve got to offer?
LI
You sure you’re feeling better? You’re acting strange.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
(derisive, yet playful)
Show him your tits. How’s that working out for you? Standing here, alone on the poop.
LI
Oh, I’ll make it work. Seduction is my second nature.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
It better be, or else you’d be a sorry nymph.
LI
How else?
LI accidentally plunges her hand into a bowl of white powder.
LI
Oh, God. What the hell is this?
KATHRYN ELIZABETH sticks her own hand into the bowl of powder, without a second thought.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
(with condescension)
Looks like powder, what else? The sailors use it for the ropes. I’ve a question.
LI
You’re acting strange.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
If I’m a prince and you’re my fool…
LI
Your what now?
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Then, if you’re a nymph, does that make me a nymph, by the association?
LI
How’s that?
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
If you’re a fool playing a nymph, and I’m your prince, does that make me a nymph as well, Li?
LI
I don’t know. I’m the nymph.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Do you think Hamlet would have struggled just as much if he’d have settled for that dumb-witted daughter of Polonius?
LI
I don’t know the play. I’ve only seen the Chinese adaptation of Hamlet.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Same here. I’ve only read the Late Modern English translation. To remain alive, or not to remain alive, that’s the essential question at stake here. Isn’t that beautiful? I’m at the part where the prince goes mad. I don’t care to repeat the mindset.
LI
You might be repeating it now.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
The loss would be so little, but the loss would be absolute. Wouldn’t it?
LI
The loss of what, Katy Beth?
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Don’t call me that. You know this fellow, Hamlet, he too was plagued by rot, and he found death, not in battle, but in the heat of sport. I’d be content with an earnest game. Li, I’ve decided… I’ll play myself.
LI
That’s for the best. If you played the Prince of Denmark, I might not be able to distinguish whether you were deep in character or declining on account of your concussion. Play yourself.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
I will. I rather like myself, I’ll have you know.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH takes a handful of white powder and applies it to her face.
LI
Now you really look like a crazy person. What are you doing?
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Preparing for my role.
LI
As yourself?
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Katy Beth, Prince of Dana.
LI
You don’t like that name.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
It’s my name. If a man can be reclaimed then so can a name.
LI
No different from Kathryn Elizabeth. The Prince is you, yourself?
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
No different, except Katy Beth reaches for the stars. Do you see them? Most are dust; the Prince of Dana minds not, he’ll reach for all the dust. Ah, you have my emotions confused, Li. Am I lusting, or am I sporting?
LI
You’re engaged to be married.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
What a life! Now where’s the first mate? I’ve a bone to pick with him.
LI
You’re starting to concern me. Tell me you’re not bleeding into your brain.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH walks to center stage, coming across her tricorne hat on the floor. She puts the hat back on, and faces up to the mast.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH (to the mast)
Sir, I’m getting a draft, and the Prince’s genitals feel unflattered as they flap in this post-midnight breeze. Direct me if you will to a pair of pants, wherever trousers might be stored upon your vessel.
LI
And she’s talking to the mast again.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH begins walking off towards stage right.
LI
You’ve got some nice legs, my prince, don’t go covering them up now.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
My legs are not your legs, nymph.
LI
It’s like watching my own legs walk away, Katy Beth. Two men are coming this way. Should we run?
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Is it pirates again?
Exit LI and KATHRYN ELIZABETH, stage right. Enter DAN and PROOMPT, stage left.
PROOMPT
Did you see that? She’s doubled! And one of the doubles has changed her disguise. This type of nymph means utmost trouble. You follow the nymph in the trench coat, I’ll chase down her doppelgänger.
Exit PROOMPT, chasing the girls. Exit DAN. Enter LI, followed by PROOMPT.
LI
Are these what you’re after, my little sailor boy?
LI flashes PROOMPT. PROOMPT draws his whip and belts LI across her chest. LI falls to the floor and cries out in pain. The farce comes to an abrupt standstill. PROOMPT drops to the floor. He crawls over to LI.
LI (checking her chest, scared)
I’m bleeding.
PROOMPT (as DAVIES)
The tender flesh has been torn from your bosom. I’m sorry.
LI (snapping out of it)
You’re a common bore, Davies.
LI sits up and ties her shirt closed. She stands to her feet. PROOMPT stands and faces her.
PROOMPT
(breaking character, as DAVIES)
It wasn’t my intention to maim you like I did. Please, I ask your forgiveness, sweet gentle lady.
LI
Don’t break character again.
LI stomps DAVIES upon the foot and then kicks him in the groin. DAVIES once again takes on the persona of PROOMPT.
PROOMPT
You nasty nymph, a ruse of weakness to play upon my masculine sympathies. Back to the ocean’s bottom with you!
LI
Oh? Come get me, you cocksucker.
PROOMPT
The only cock I suck is dead, and well-cooked.
PROOMPT begins chasing LI. LI runs away from him, laughing hysterically, as if the maiming of her breast never happened. Exit LI, followed by PROOMPT.
SCENE III.
The main deck. NADIA is cleaning the harpoon, and AIDO helps her. CRICKET is polishing the Marlin spears. DEDAI sits downstage left, playing with a rope. Enter LI. LI kisses NADIA on the lips.
NADIA
What was that for? Are you the nymph everyone is looking for?
LI
I am the nymph, and that’s what nymphs do.
NADIA
I didn’t mind. You do it well.
LI
I would be a sad-looking nymph if I did it poorly.
NADIA
You’re a nymph, but I remember you, as if in a fading memory… you’re a scientist as well, am I right?
LI
I am a scientist.
NADIA
Is it possible that this is, in fact, the year 1840?
LI
Of course.
NADIA
You wouldn’t lie to me?
LI
I believe it’s possible.
Exit LI. Enter PROOMPT, carrying a heavy, well-stuffed burlap sack.
PROOMPT
Have you seen the nymph come by?
NADIA
What does she look like?
PROOMPT (in a swoon)
Oh, words can’t describe her.
NADIA
Haven’t seen anyone that fits the description.
PROOMPT
Update, Cricket? (aside, with suspicion) Perhaps your last?
CRICKET
(finally coming across as professional)
First Mate Proompt, the harpoon has been assembled and installed upon its base, and the sailors Nadia and Aido are to be credited for assisting me in this impressive, and if I dare say, heroic feat (CRICKET points to the harpoon). I have delegated the task of cleaning the ammunitions to the sailors Dedai and Aido. These two have, I must report, been somewhat quarrelsome, and I am formally suggesting that we separate these two young, um, cadets from one another on future watches.
PROOMPT
Fine work, Cricket. Now tell me that story again… about the time you sailed from NEW YORK to England, and then boarded that Darwinian, the HMS Beagle.
CRICKET (aside)
I remember telling him I started in Boston. But if he remembers New York, I should go with the narrative that’s most inoffensive to his memory.
PROOMPT
Tell it quick.
CRICKET (to PROOMPT)
Ay. Well… we departed from, um, Ellis Island…
PROOMPT (baffled)
Ellis Island!
CRICKET
(improvising like a professional)
For thirty days we encountered heavy rains and towering rollers upon the Atlantic…
PROOMPT (boiling over)
Liar! Admit you lied! Ellis Island! You told me earlier a different story.
CRICKET (aside)
I knew I said Boston!
PROOMPT
How do you expect me to draw up any other conclusion but that you’ve been pulling a bloody rake over me, Cricket? You’ve one chance to come clean.
CRICKET
I admit it. My story was a lie!
PROOMPT
I know that much.
CRICKET
But I’m no impostor.
PROOMPT
Who are you, really, Cricket?
CRICKET
I’m a sailor!
PROOMPT
I thought that was a lie. Get your lies straight, Cricket.
CRICKET
If I lied about my past, I only lied to be closer to you. I wanted nothing more than to serve as second in command to such a consequential mate as you.
Enter DAN, panting
DAN
Mate Proompt. I can’t find either of the nymphs. How’d she do that? The spy doubles, and now she’s gone and disappeared, both of her fine bodies.
NADIA
Dan! Oh your voice. Dan what year is it, Dan?
DAN (fabricating)
1840.
NADIA
(traumatized, shouting aloud)
No!
PROOMPT
I’m afraid we’ve more pressing matters. When I was following the nymphs, I noticed the one in the coat had a great mark upon her leg. I’ve seen it before, on two occasions, and both met with the same, unhappy outcome. It’s scurvy.
DAN
Scurvy?
PROOMPT
The Pilgrim has come under besiegement and we’ve an outbreak of scurvy. Some of our sailors may die.
NADIA
Oh, God.
CRICKET
Scurvy? Is it contagious?
PROOMPT
One of the most contagious diseases I’ve seen spread aboard a ship.
NADIA
I’ve never heard of any of my friends getting, what’s it called, scurvy?
PROOMPT
On voyages like this, I can tell you it’s not rare, not common… But when it does strike, it saddens me to report that sailors become very ill and succumb to the pest. Take care to protect yourselves, while Kernigan and I do what we can to eliminate its source.
NADIA
What’s in the bag, Mate?
PROOMPT
Onions.
NADIA reaches into the burlap sack, as does CRICKET. They pull out raw onions.
CRICKET
But they’re raw. Who would eat a raw onion?
PROOMPT
The animalcules can’t stand the smell of the onions.
NADIA
Nobody can, when they’re raw.
PROOMPT
Eat as many of them as you can, sailors. The more you eat, the better chance you’ll acquire the onion’s natural deterrence to the plague.
CRICKET
Please entrust me, Mate Proompt, as your second mate, to pass these plague-defeating onions out to the rest of our crew.
PROOMPT
Cricket you are no longer my second mate. Kernigan, you’re promoted.
DAN
Promoted again, Nadia.
CRICKET begins biting a large chunk out of one of the raw onions. He spits it out and then he turns and vomits forcefully over the starboard railing.
PROOMPT
Cricket, I’ve decided on your punishment.
CRICKET’s knees quaver and he kneels in front of PROOMPT.
CRICKET
Let me stay on board as a sailor, please. I’d trade my wife, my mother, my hobby as an actor, if it meant I could continue to serve under your leadership.
PROOMPT (to DAN)
I was going to execute him, but after that pathetic display, I’d pity the bullet… What’s another punishment? Help me think of something. (short pause) A fine solution there, Kernigan. Cricket, you will be my slave.
DAN
Not my idea, at all.
CRICKET
I will be a most devoted slave to you, First Mate.
PROOMPT
Quiet slave.
(to DAN)
Second mate!
CRICKET
(forgetting he is no longer second mate)
Ay, Mate!
PROOMPT
Quiet, slave!
PROOMPT whips CRICKET, for speaking out of turn
CRICKET
(once again speaking out of turn)
Sorry, first mate, habit to respond to the title.
PROOMPT raises his whip in the air
PROOMPT
You’ll call me ‘Master.’
DAN
Come on, man. I mean, I know it’s the year 1840 and all, but this is just bad optics.
PROOMPT whips CRICKET
DAN
Once again, just really bad optics here.
CRICKET
Yes, Master. Master Proompt!
DAN
Can we just nip this whole slave thing in the bud, I mean, please?
NADIA
It’s 1840, Dan. There’s nothing wrong with slavery.
DAN
I beg to differ.
STAMO
The sailor here is right. There’s nothing wrong with slavery, not in this day and age.
DAN
Nadia, maybe this is just a step too far, okay?
NADIA (seething)
There’s nothing wrong with slavery, Dan.
DAN (furious)
Would you stop saying that?
DEDAI (playful)
There’s nothing wrong with slavery
AIDO (playful)
There’s nothing wrong with slavery
DAN
Jesus fuck. Now you gotta do that thing you did in the car.
NADIA
What thing? What car? I do remember a car from my dream.
DAN
That thing where you reset the children, Nadia.
NADIA
The children. That’s right, Dan. I remember being a teacher. I am a teacher, aren't I?
DAN
No shit. I don't know what this is.
AIDO pushes DEDAI to the ground, and DEDAI begins to cry
PROOMPT
Kernigan, with me.
Exit PROOMPT
DAN
(eager to get away from the crying children)
Well, looks like you’ve got everything covered here.
Exit PROOMPT and DAN. NADIA and CRICKET force-feed themselves raw onions. DEDAI and AIDO begin roughhousing near the harpoon stand. Enter JACK.
NADIA (with disdain)
You again.
JACK
(trying to avoid conflict)
Making my rounds.
NADIA
(with a tone of accusation)
You know there’s other children on this ship.
JACK
I’ve seen them. Have you?
NADIA
You seem awfully concerned about these two.
DEDAI
I’ll eat you!
AIDO tries to climb on the harpoon but CRICKET pushes him off.
NADIA
(almost drooling with disgust)
Six years, lost.
JACK
Calm yourself, woman.
JACK approaches the children.
CRICKET (to JACK)
There’s a scurvy outbreak, don’t come near me.
NADIA
And you stay where you are, you womanly man.
CRICKET
You can’t say that.
NADIA (defensively)
It’s 1840.
JACK (philosophically)
It’s not 1840 anymore.
NADIA (disappointed)
I’ve lost another year.
JACK breaks up the children’s fighting.
NADIA
(she starts out sweet, and vulnerable)
Is death from scurvy peaceful, Jack? (then she becomes venomous) or is it more like being around you for six years? (short pause) Lost!
JACK
We haven’t seen scurvy in this part of the world since the nineteenth century.
NADIA
And what year do you think it is?
JACK (without any emotion)
It’s not the nineteenth century anymore.
NADIA
(as if drunk with disgust)
How many years have I lost staring at that face?
CRICKET (anxious)
Is the scurvy still spreading, or has enough time passed?
JACK
Scurvy’s not contagious.
NADIA
We don’t know that!
JACK
I’m a doctor, Nadia.
NADIA
Dan says you’re a real mediocre doctor. You just said it yourself… you’ve never seen it.
NADIA takes another bite of the raw onion. She chokes as she’s swallowing it.
JACK
There’s no reason for you to be doing that.
JACK grabs NADIA’s onion and throws it away
NADIA
Get me my goddamned onion, Jack.
JACK
This is what you leave yourself vulnerable to, when you go through life never having a single goddamn thought of your own.
NADIA
(scoffing)
I know what this is about. The relationship, six years, that was all pretend! You were passionate for me, and I wasn’t even a real woman for you, was I? That is what we’re getting at, yes? How I never really felt the way you did when you’d kiss me. That’s it, isn’t it?
NADIA begins laughing at JACK, and then JACK kisses her upon the lips.
NADIA
I did feel it.
NADIA suddenly begins to weep.
NADIA
I do feel it.
JACK
I know. It’s not something you will ever utter again.
NADIA
You know, I only came to you when I felt empty because I’d rather feel grotesque.
JACK
Funny. I only came to you when I hurt because I would rather feel your nothingness.
NADIA
Why is it we never worked out?
JACK walks over and picks up the onion he previously threw.
JACK
Onion?
NADIA
Give me!
NADIA takes the onion. JACK begins to leave.
NADIA (trembling)
Jack. I’m scared.
JACK
There’s nothing to be scared of. The times are changing is all.
JACK exits.
NADIA
Jack. Don’t you leave me here all alone.
NADIA stretches herself.
NADIA (to CRICKET)
How many onions do you have?
CRICKET
Four.
NADIA
I’ve only two left, give me one of yours. That way we’re even.
CRICKET (clutching his onions)
Fend for yourself sailor.
NADIA (disgusted)
What a slave.
SCENE IV.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH leans over the starboard railing, staring out onto the waters. Enter LI, skipping along, joyfully. LI makes her way over to KATHRYN ELIZABETH. She lifts up the bottom part of KATHRYN ELIZABETH’s coat and smacks her on the bare bottom.
LI
There’s a scurvy outbreak.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH (playful)
And what, I’m it? (as in a game of tag)
LI
You’re the source.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
It’s easy, Li, to confuse a ship’s priority guest with a plague.
LI
Is it?
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
It is, when you’ve a prince whose flesh is mouldering. But who would I spread it to, fool? I’ve been keeping my distance, since I’ve business to attend to and I find the trifling jokes about women’s breasts, and beer, and breaking wind too difficult to quit once these sailors get me started. If I’m the source, then who would I spread it to? Answer me.
LI
Beats me.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
What kind of plague?
LI
Beats me.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Just something contagious then?
LI
Pretty sure it’s not.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Then how is it a plague, fool?
LI
Beats me. (correcting KATHRYN ELIZABETH, playfully) Not your fool.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Spreading rumors of a plague that can’t be contracted. What should I call you? Nymph? You’re seducing no one.
LI
No need to be hurtful.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Where are the others? Have I missed anything?
LI
Not much has happened. I saw the lawyer with the teacher, and then I was with the teacher, and then I saw the doctor with the teacher.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Well, Nadia’s been busy. She never did shy away from a chance to roll about in the mud. Leave her be. I’ve more important matters.
LI
No, you don’t.
LI skips away and exits. KATHRYN ELIZABETH leans upon the railing. Enter PROOMPT. PROOMPT approaches KATHRYN ELIZABETH, stealthily, from behind.
PROOMPT
Hello, nymph!
PROOMPT places his hand on KATHERINE ELIZABETH’s backside. KATHERINE ELIZABETH turns around, and faces PROOMPT.
KATHERINE ELIZABETH
Is that any way to greet a prince?
PROOMPT, seeing KATHRYN ELIZABETH’s powder-white face, screams in terror.
PROOMPT
(with great authority)
Who are you?
KATHERINE ELIZABETH
Another day. And you?
PROOMPT
Another day? Which day are you then? Thursday?
KATHERINE ELIZABETH
I’m not sure. Yesterday, perhaps.
PROOMPT
A ghost from the past?
KATHERINE ELIZABETH
Oh, no. Don’t be fooled by my appearance. Though my face be pale as stone and my skin molders, I am very much alive.
PROOMPT opens up KATHERINE ELIZABETH’s coat to expose a small portion of her cleavage.
PROOMPT (with suspicion)
I’d say you’re a nymph.
KATHERINE ELIZABETH (flippant)
I’d say you’re middle management.
PROOMPT takes out his pistol and points it at KATHERINE ELIZABETH.
KATHERINE ELIZABETH
Get me your captain. I’ve heard enough backtalk from mediocrity for these thirty years.
PROOMPT
Be you nymph or some newfangled prince with jiggling body, I won’t put up with disrespect.
KATHERINE ELIZABETH
(believing every word)
Fine. Shoot. The bullet will pass right through me.
PROOMPT (fearful)
Only if you’re a ghost will a bullet pass right through you.
KATHERINE ELIZABETH
I already told you, I’m not a ghost. The bullet will pass right through me, as I am.
PROOMPT
How’s that? You’re mad.
KATHERINE ELIZABETH
No, I just don’t exist.
PROOMPT
Oh, you’re mad.
KATHERINE ELIZABETH
(losing patience)
I’m not the mad one on this ship. I’m out here looking for a shark that finds this vessel of yours a familiar lure.
PROOMPT
The Brig Pilgrim, bait for a shark?
KATHERINE ELIZABETH
Not a blood worm, but a lure. It’s a Greenland shark. They’re harmless, small, and dumb, and they stick around well past their expiration date, much like middle management.
PROOMPT
And what’s a prince need with a shark?
KATHERINE ELIZABETH
My father’s inside there.
PROOMPT
Inside the shark?
KATHERINE ELIZABETH
Where else?
PROOMPT
How’d he get there?
KATHERINE ELIZABETH
He was placed there.
PROOMPT
By your own hands, probably.
KATHERINE ELIZABETH
Ha! My father was a gentle, noble man. He always liked a good story, or a patiently crafted, winding, and drawn-out joke. He ruled his kingdom fair, and suppressed no voices. Even his sternest critics were met with welcome: with open arms, and open heart. Oops!
PROOMPT
Oops?
KATHERINE ELIZABETH
He disappeared one evening, and poof.
PROOMPT
Poof?
KATHERINE ELIZABETH
My father was never seen again.
PROOMPT
Placed in a shark?
KATHERINE ELIZABETH
Aye, where else?
PROOMPT
Anywhere else.
KATHERINE ELIZABETH
My uncle took the throne, and he married my mother.
PROOMPT
What is this family? Greek? You may be a nymph.
KATHERINE ELIZABETH
My mother and my nuncle, the two of them have spread their lies to the people, and the lies have built a kingdom of their own. I aim to find this shark, and bring back evidence of my father’s whereabouts.
PROOMPT
Your father’s whereabouts? Inside the shark?
KATHERINE ELIZABETH
Yes! Are you not listening?
PROOMPT
His whereabouts. Is he alive?
KATHERINE ELIZABETH
Oh no, but he’s alive in me, old mate, since I am another day, after all.
PROOMPT
You’re raving mad.
KATHERINE ELIZABETH
I’m not the one who’s mad on this ship.
PROOMPT
You’ve got the scurvy.
KATHERINE ELIZABETH
Get me your captain. I’m not immortal yet, you know, and my time is precious.
PROOMPT
The scurvy has entered your brain, dear child. Stay away from me. Ghost, jiggling prince, or most devilish of nymphs, I know not which. I beg your mercy. Stay back!
PROOMPT runs away, terrified. KATHERINE ELIZABETH turns around and looks out over the bow. Enter DAN. He walks slowly and in stealth towards KATHERINE ELIZABETH, and suddenly grabs her by the leg and back, lifting her high into the air.
DAN
You know how to swim, right, spy?
KATHERYN ELIZABETH shakes free of DAN’s grip and then DAN recaptures her, bear-hugging her from behind.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
What the hell?
DAN
Katy Beth?
DAN places her back on the deck
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Obviously, it’s me.
KATHERINE ELIZABETH turns around. DAN screams in horror upon seeing KATHERINE ELIZABETH’s face.
DAN
What the hell is on your face?
KATHERINE ELIZABETH
You tell me. You’re the one staring at it.
DAN
You look like a mime. A hot mime. I could tell it was you, by your hip bone.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Stain that memory too.
DAN kisses KATHRYN ELIZABETH
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
I woke up from that dream, and you taunt me that I ever dreamt it. Be gone.
DAN
You could have the dream.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Why settle for a dream? I don’t want it.
DAN
I’m sorry, Katy Beth.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
(no longer lucid)
Don’t apologize. The world is yours, Daniel. Manipulate it as you please.
DAN
Can we at least… I’d like to end this on a happy note. Can we at least do that?
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Happy? Aren’t we happy?
DAN
No.
KATHERINE ELIZABETH
I won’t give you happy. I can compromise. Negligent battery, is that a law thing?
DAN
I could go down to, you and I aren’t bitter towards one another anymore. How about that?
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
I’d rather keep just a slight paucity of bitterness, but only that. We can’t change the past, Daniel. It doesn’t exist.
DAN
We can do our best to remember the good times.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Yes.
DAN
Are you alright? You’re acting strange.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
A great paucity of the bitter.
DAN (heartfelt)
You should have been a lawyer. You could have been great.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH (lucid)
I wanted to be great at something else.
DAN begins to walk away
KATHRYN ELIZABETH (lucid)
Hey Dan. Next time wait till the time capsule is sealed before you burry it.
DAN looks back at KATHRYN ELIZABETH.
DAN
You sure you’re alright?
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Overwhelmed by ambition, is all.
DAN
Good for you. Be patient. I know it’s always been your dream to contribute something to the sciences. You’ll hit that precious mark someday. You just gotta give it enough time.
KATHERYN ELIZABETH
Oh, I’ll wait as long as I must.
DAN
Good to hear.
KATHERYN ELIZABETH
I’ll reclaim my throne from mother and nuncle, and my revenge taken, I’ll lord over my father’s kingdom, for all eternity.
DAN
Say what?
KATHERYN ELIZABETH
With just a drop of blood from the Greenland shark, my alchemists could make a potion that’d allow me to live forever. I’d be a good king. No one man in my kingdom would be worth any less than his neighbor. We’d have our fun with the women, but we’d treat them fair, and with admiration. No one would ever be able to challenge my rule.
DAN
Fortunately, we’ve got a constitution and millions of lawyers in this country to make sure something like that never happens here.
KATHERYN ELIZABETH
The first thing to go in the kingdom of Dana is all you lawyers. Every man will understand my laws and shall be sufficiently learned to plead his own case before my court.
DAN
Alright, King Arthur. Let me know how that goes.
LI (offstage)
Oh, Katy Beth…
Enter LI, skipping towards KATHERYN ELIZABETH, not realizing DAN is there with her.
DAN
Ah! There you are!
LI
Help me, Katy Beth. (aside, to KATHERYN ELIZABETH) Don’t actually help me.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
What?
LI pretends to run back, but slow enough such that she is clearly affording DAN the opportunity to catch up to her. DAN grabs LI by the hair.
DAN
You’re coming with me, spy.
LI
(screaming in horror, but in a way that it’s clear she’s acting)
Put me down!
DAN
Oh, I do believe First Mate Proompt might actually throw your scrawny ass from this ship.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Dan, put her down!
LI shushes KATHERYN ELIZABETH
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Okay, as you like. Take the nymph away.
DAN lifts LI over his shoulder. Exit DAN, carrying LI. Enter JACK.
JACK
What’s on your face? (He looks closer) You’re bleeding.
KATHERYN ELIZABETH
It’s nice to have a doctor on board.
JACK
I can treat you.
KATHERYN ELIZABETH
I don’t have scurvy.
JACK
Nobody does.
KATHERYN ELIZABETH
Tonight I fight Jack, ambitious as I’ve ever been. Then when the sun’s up I’ll be settled, and you’ll permit me to be settled. Do you understand?
JACK
While we’re here together, while we have the time, tell me everything there is to know about you.
KATHERYN ELIZABETH
That’s not how you get to know someone, Jack.
A loud bang is heard from offstage.
KATHERYN ELIZABETH (lucid)
What was that?
CRICKET
(offstage, crying in agony)
Medic!
KATHRYN ELIZABETH (lucid)
Oh, no. That’s where Dan just went with Li.
JACK
The children!
KATHRYN ELIZABETH (lucid)
Oh, God. The children!
JACK begins to walk slowly towards stage right, breathing laboredly. KATHERYN ELIZABETH sprints past him.
SCENE V.
On the deck. DAN and PROOMPT hold LI against the railing. CRICKET lies on the floor near the harpoon stand with a spear through his leg. DEDAI and AIDO are on the floor. DEDAI is the closest to CRICKET. She’s bleeding from her leg, but she is not seriously wounded. NADIA is not present. Enter KATHERYN ELIZABETH.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Dan, what's going on? Where’s Nadia?
DAN
I’ve no idea.
CRICKET
(pointing to PROOMPT, who is holding a marlin spear)
The son of a bitch shot me with the marlin spear!
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Medical help is on the way.
Enter JACK, panting hard.
JACK
What happened?
PROOMPT
(to CRICKET, sternly)
I warned you three times that there would be no intercourse between you and the seductress, slave.
JACK
Intercourse?
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Slave?
JACK
By intercourse, I think he means talking.
KATHERYN ELIZABETH
I really hope he means talking.
CRICKET (overdramatic)
Ah! The black curtain. I always thought it would start with the vision.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Jack, don’t just stand there. Help the poor guy.
DEDAI and AIDO begin wrestling with each other, dangerously close to the harpoon. KATHRYN ELIZABETH breaks them up. JACK approaches CRICKET, then kneels down and examines his wound, somewhat reluctantly. KATHERYN ELIZABETH walks over to DEDAI and AIDO, and pulls DEDAI away, picking the girl up into her arms.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Are you okay, honey? Your leg is bleeding.
DEDAI (defiant)
No, it’s not.
KATHERYN ELIZABETH places DEDAI on a tall crate that is along the deck’s starboard railing. She begins examining the child for wounds.
DEDAI
He pushed me!
DEDAI points to AIDO. AIDO runs away and hides behind the harpoon.
DEDAI (vicious)
I’m gonna eat you. I’m gonna do it now, and I’m gonna eat you, Aido.
DEDAI begins to scream at the top of her lungs.
JACK
Shut that girl up!
DAN and PROOMPT continue to hold LI against the railing.
LI
Help a girl out, Cricket.
CRICKET
I’m not talking to you.
PROOMPT
Cricket!
PROOMPT aims the spear again at CRICKET. LI slips loose from DAN’s grasp. DAN catches her again, immediately, and places her in a tight lock, with arms above her head.
PROOMPT
Kernigan, don’t let your guard down. You know how they slip through.
DAN
How do we proceed with this, what do you call it, offering?
PROOMPT
Simple, Kernigan. We toss the temptress over the railing.
DAN lifts LI, and holds her over the ship’s edge. LI screams bloody murder.
LI
Stop! You’re hurting me!
KATHRYN ELIZABETH runs towards DAN and LI. DEDAI is left alone, standing upon the crate. She stands there, innocently, swinging her arms back and forth.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Dan! Enough!
PROOMPT
Nymph, I hereby sentence you to be cast down to the sea. Let her go, Kernigan.
DAN lifts LI up in the air and brings her back on board. DAN hands her over to PROOMPT.
DAN
Here’s the bind you’re in now, John Davies. You have two choices. Option 1, you admit you’re a character and bring this act to a close. Option 2, you throw the girl into the water. It’s dark out there, and God knows where the nearest land is. I’d say there’s a high probability the girl drowns if you throw her off the ship.
LI kisses PROOMPT on the lips; after allowing a few moments to pass, PROOMPT finally pushes her away.
PROOMPT
The seductress has entranced me in a spell. I suddenly have such grave affection for those cheeks, like shimmering porcelain coddled by rare moonlight. Ah! And she slips away from my clutch!
PROOMPT releases his grip on LI. DAN immediately grabs her.
DAN
Oh, no you don’t, Davies.
JACK
Dan, this is getting out of hand.
LI turns around to face DAN, and kisses him on the lips.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Oh! Ew! Don’t kiss Dan, Li. Stop it! God.
LI releases DAN from the strong lock of her kiss.
PROOMPT
I’ve shaken her spell! You’ll snap out of it once she’s gone from our ship, Kernigan.
PROOMPT picks LI up over his shoulder and attempts to throw her off the ship, but DAN, realizing PROOMPT’s intention, grabs LI by the shirt and pulls her back down onto the deck.
DAN
He was really gonna throw you off.
PROOMPT
You’re under her spell, Kernigan.
DAN
He’s flipped the script. The bastard.
PROOMPT
I’m sorry for what I must do.
PROOMPT points the marlin spear at DAN. DAN rips the Marlin spear from PROOMPT’s hands and tosses it into the water. KATHRYN ELIZABETH attempts to break up DAN and PROOMPT and LI, who are all in a skirmish. Enter NADIA, holding a glass jar of lollipops.
DEDAI
Ms. Nadia?
NADIA
Yes, Dedai?
DEDAI
How do I become a whale?
NADIA
You just close your eyes, really tight.
AIDO
No! She’s gonna eat me.
NADIA
And whatever you wanna be, just believe. See yourself as a beautiful woman, and that’s what you are. See yourself as the president of some gorgeous land, and you can be that too. Imagine you’re in the future, in that year, whatever that year was, and you’re getting married to a kindhearted trial lawyer. Just close your eyes, and think of what you are, and that’s what you’ll become.
AIDO begins to cry. KATHRYN ELIZABETH tries to wrestle LI free from DAN’s grip. AIDO grabs the harpoon handle. He begins turning the weapon, slowly, towards DEDAI. KATHRYN ELIZABETH notices the harpoon spear pointing in the direction of DEDAI, who is still standing atop the crate.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH (freaking out)
No, no, no, no, no!
KATHRYN ELIZABETH sprints over to DEDAI. DAN notices AIDO aiming the harpoon at DEDAI.
DAN
Aido! Don’t you dare!
NADIA takes out a lollipop and holds it up in the air.
NADIA (to DEDAI)
I have your lollipop, baby. Come on down from that box. How’d you get up so high? I told you not to go climbing on things. It’s dangerous.
DEDAI stops screaming, and she reaches for the lollipop. KATHRYN ELIZABETH reaches DEDAI and pushes her, away from the harpoon’s line of fire. AIDO shoots the harpoon, and KATHRYN ELIZABETH’s right hand explodes in a mist of red; only her thumb and index fingers are spared. DEDAI, freaked out by the harpoon blast, steps back and loses her balance in the midst of the commotion, and she falls off the ship into the water. A splash is heard. KATHRYN ELIZABETH’s hand drips with blood, and blood stains her face and teeth; she clenches her dismembered right hand with her other hand, wincing in agony, but she is too concerned about DEDAI’s well-being to pay any extra attention to her pain, or to scream aloud. JACK quickly runs towards KATHRYN ELIZABETH, panting as he runs. AIDO begins to cry and grabs hold of NADIA.
JACK
My medical kit’s downstairs. Someone, call an ambulance!
Exit JACK, down the stairs, in a hurry.
NADIA
An ambulance in the middle of the ocean!
LI points down at something in the waters.
LI
Hey, it’s a whale!
DAN looks down and shakes his head in confused affirmation.
DAN
It’s a whale! A little baby.
NADIA cracks a smile, and she seems somewhat relieved by what she’s witnessing.
NADIA
Dedai really turned into a whale.
Enter PONC and STAMO.
STAMO
Did you all just see that? The girl turned into a whale.
PONC
Yah, that she did. How else do you explain what we just saw?
DAN
Does anyone see the kid?
NADIA
She said she was gonna turn into a whale, then she fell into the water, and now there’s a baby whale in the water.
DAN
She’s not a whale, Nadia. Do you see the girl, Li?
LI
Swimming through that moonbeam, I see her. Ha! She blows her water up.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
I see Dedai! She’s right there.
STAMO
We see her too. She’s blowing her water all over us.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Not the whale! I see Dedai.
DAN
Where is she?
DAN takes his shirt off, as if ready to jump in and rescue DEDAI. NADIA runs over and grabs onto him.
NADIA
Don’t you dare! You’re not jumping into the middle of the goddamn ocean, Dan.
DAN
I’ll be fine.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
She’s right there.
DAN
I don’t see her, Katy Beth.
PROOMPT marches with purpose, heading towards CRICKET and the harpoon.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
I’m going in.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH stands up on the crate. Enter JACK. KATHRYN ELIZABETH takes on a stance like she’s prepared to dive. JACK drops his doctor bag and begins to run towards her, breathing heavily.
JACK
Stop! Dan, stop her!
KATHRYN ELIZABETH looks back at JACK, with a smile on her face.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH
Stay there, Jack.
KATHRYN ELIZABETH jumps. A splash is heard.
LI (looking overboard)
She’s got the whitest toosh.
DAN (looking overboard)
She really does have a very white toosh.
LI
Brighter than the whale’s own skin.
PROOMPT begins reloading the harpoon.
LI
There’s another whale! It’s the momma.
PONC
Whoa! The momma whale is missing part of her fin!
STAMO
The scientist turned into a whale too.
NADIA
Katy Beth and Dedai both turned into whales, isn’t that great, Dan? They’ll be fine. I’m sure they’ll be fine.
DAN
They didn’t turn into whales, Nadia.
NADIA (to LI)
You’re a scientist. Is it possible that they both turned into whales?
LI
(staring into the harbor, not minding NADIA)
Probably not.
NADIA
Probably not… so it’s not entirely impossible.
JACK approaches the rail of the ship and DAN restrains him, concerned that JACK will jump in after KATHRYN ELIZABETH.
PROOMPT (authoritative)
Push me, Cricket!
CRICKET
I can’t, Master. My leg!
PROOMPT whips CRICKET. CRICKET begins limping along, pushing PROOMT who is perched upon the harpoon stand. They move towards the starboard railing.
PROOMPT
Faster!
PROOMPT whips CRICKET, and CRICKET cries out again in agony.
DAN
This guy is unbelievable.
PROOMPT
Out of the way, sailors. Dinner has arrived!
PROOMPT fires the harpoon at the whale.
NADIA (horrified)
No!
PONC
He missed the whale by a mile.
DAN
(looking at PROOMPT upon the harpoon stand)
I give up. Throwing in the towel. I owe you $12.34, Jack.
JACK storms off and heads towards the stairs.
DAN
Jesus. Jack! Jack, come with me.
JACK exits down the stairs. DAN, frustrated, exits, stage right. PONC and STAMO head towards the stairs.
PONC
We should call harbor patrol, shouldn’t we?
STAMO
You think there’s phones in 1840?
PONC
If there’s no phones in 1840, then how do you know what a phone is?
STAMO
I dunno.
PONC and STAMO exit. The entire stage becomes bright, as the harbor lights flicker on, one by one.
LI (staring off starboard)
Hey! The harbor lights are back on!
NADIA (sapped of energy)
We’ve been in the harbor this entire time? (she looks around but nobody answers her). I’m going to bed.
NADAI picks up AIDO, and exits down the stairs.