Why "Am I an alcoholic" could be the wrong question.

You can look “fine” and still be struggling with alcohol. If you’ve ever held it together on the outside while quietly worrying about sleep, anxiety, confidence, or how often you’re thinking about that next drink, I’m speaking straight to you.

I’m Meg, and I’m opening this podcast with a topic that keeps people stuck for years: the stigma around the word “alcoholic”. I share why I don’t use that label for my own experience, what Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) actually means, and why the all-or-nothing idea of “either you’re an alcoholic or you’re fine” doesn’t match real life. We talk about the grey area so many people live in: setting rules, promising “just one”, waking at 3am with a racing heart, and still convincing yourself it can’t be a problem because you’re high functioning.

I also break down the science in plain language: how alcohol affects GABA, dopamine, and stress hormones like cortisol, why it can feel like instant relief, and why that relief comes with a rebound effect that feeds anxiety and cravings. Most importantly, we shift from shame to curiosity with better questions: Is alcohol helping me become the person I want to be? What is it costing me? How would my life feel without it?

If you’ve been wondering whether your drinking is bad enough to change, take this as your permission to stop waiting. Follow the podcast, leave a review, share it with someone who’s been quietly wondering too, and reach out if you’d like a free 30 minute chat via the link in the show notes or at meganwebb.com.au.

https://auditscreen.org/

 https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/brochures-and-fact-sheets/understanding-alcohol-use-disorder

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/3909-alcoholism

https://www.nmhealth.com.au/health-wellbeing/helpful-articles-resources/how-alcohol-works/

Contact Meg: 

Website: https://www.meganwebb.com.au/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61579436511475
Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/meganwebbcoaching/

Link to FREE discovery call with Meg:  

https://calendly.com/glassfulfilled

Transcript

Welcome And Why Labels Hurt

SPEAKER_00 0:27

Hi guys, I'm Meg and I am your host of Conscious Unbottling Podcast. Welcome to today's show, where I'm going to talk about why you don't have to be an alcoholic to have a problem with alcohol. I wanted my first episode to be about the stigma around alcohol, around the term alcoholic and why it prevents people from reaching out for help. Before I jump in, I want to state clearly that I am not a medical expert and that the following information is what I have researched over time. So I'll start by saying that I don't and won't use the term alcoholic on my podcast in relation to my experiences. I don't relate to it and it is not a recognized medical diagnosis. However, some of my guests may, and that is absolutely fine. We all have a right to identify however we want. For me, I definitely had an alcohol use disorder, and this is a medically recognized term. I used alcohol in a very disordered way. But beyond that, I don't believe I was addicted to alcohol. I was using it to self-medicate, but more on that later. I have put some links in the show notes from where I got this information, as well as a link to a worldwide recognized audit screen for alcohol use disorder identification test, if you're interested. Now, some of the criteria to have an alcohol use disorder are, and I will disclose here that I had all of them, drinking more than you intended, wanting to cut down but finding it difficult, spending a lot of time thinking about drinking or recovering from alcohol, continuing to drink even though it's affecting your health, relationships, or responsibilities, developing tolerance, meaning you need more alcohol to get the same effect,

Alcohol Use Disorder And The Signs

SPEAKER_00 2:15

experiencing withdrawal symptoms when you stop or cut back. And as I said before, there are links in my show notes. And you can also find information relevant to the country where you are by searching alcohol use disorder in your country. Now, all of this is important because so many people think they're either an alcoholic or they're completely fine. But that's simply not how alcohol issues work. So the question I asked myself was not am I an alcoholic? But a much more helpful option, which was, is alcohol having a negative impact on my life? Actually, in the early days, like before I stopped drinking, I did Google Am I an alcoholic. I'm sure that is very high on the Google searches for many people, but I certainly don't relate to it. And more so now than ever, I don't label myself as anything. Now, if alcohol is affecting your sleep, your anxiety, your relationships, your confidence, health, or your ability to be the person you want to be, then it's worth paying attention to, regardless of whether you fit a label or not. For me, alcohol was affecting all of those things. However, I still had a job, I looked after my family, I paid the bills, I wasn't drinking in the morning, and I wasn't what people pictured when they hear the word alcoholic. So for so long, I convinced myself I didn't have a problem because I held everything together. For me, it made it easy for me to continue drinking because I was high functioning, I could ignore that voice in the back of my head saying, this is not good. I could ignore it until I no longer could. What I realized is that alcohol doesn't have to completely destroy your life before you're allowed to question it. And there's definitely a societal stigma around stopping drinking alcohol. People just assume you know you have a major problem. And I certainly had a problem in that I was drinking way too much. But what I did learn, and I'll go into this later, is that it was a solution for me. It was um numbing out the actual problems. So whilst there was judgment at the beginning and you know, people might have said some things to me like, I didn't know you had a drinking problem, I no longer get those kind of comments because I've just changed my life complete completely and I don't resonate with any labels. So no one really says anything to me anymore. But my point is there's absolutely a stigma with society, but I just pushed through that and I focused on what I was doing, on my journey, on my healing, and it just stopped mattering to me what other people thought because I knew my truth. So let me tell you a bit about what my drinking looked like. For the last five to six years that I drank, after my third child was born, and I had three kids all up, including a toddler and a teenager at the same time. Oh my God, I started to use alcohol to numb out, to de-stress, to relax. And slowly, slowly but surely, my tolerance grew. So I went from having a half a glass of wine a night to over two bottles

High Functioning Drinking And Denial

SPEAKER_00 5:33

of wine per night over those five or so years. So when they say tolerance grows, I believe it. The thing was, though, I started to use it to numb out for more than just stress and exhaustion. I used it to numb out fear, a marriage that was unhappy, feelings of failure in all areas, and a realization that I hadn't reached my potential and probably wasn't going to at that rate. So alcohol really became a solution for me. The problem was all the things, the solution was the drink. So when I finally did stop drinking, I had been thinking about it for a while and I'd been listening to Quitlit podcasts and quitlit books, and I'd done a few courses. So when I gave up on New Year's Eve 2021, I was ready to get rid of the alcohol and start the work. And my realization is that I didn't have a drinking problem. I had a thinking problem. And sure, drinking did become a problem, but it wasn't the alcohol. It was what I was using the alcohol for. But one of the biggest problems is that we have been taught to think in extremes. So you're either an alcoholic or you're fine. But there's actually a huge space in the middle. And many of us live in that gray area, drinking most nights or big binges on the weekend. That was me. Promising ourselves time and time again that we'll only have one or two, but often end up having more. Waking up at 3 a.m. feeling anxious, setting rules around drinking, having a night off, not drinking in July, but then struggling to stick to that. And from the outside, everything looks okay. On the inside, it's damn exhausting. And the truth is, alcohol doesn't have to cause chaos to be causing harm. Let's talk about the science for a minute. Alcohol changes the way our brain works. It increases GAPA, a chemical that makes us feel relaxed and calmer in the moment. But as the alcohol wears off, the brain tries to rebalance itself by increasing stimulating chemicals like cortisol and other stress hormones. That's one reason so many people wake up at 3 a.m. with racing thoughts, anxiety, or a pounding heart after drinking. Alcohol

What Alcohol Does To The Brain

SPEAKER_00 7:48

also increases dopamine, the brain's reward chemical. At first, that feels good. Your brain starts to learn that alcohol equals relief. So the next time you're stressed, lonely, overwhelmed, or anxious, your brain remembers. Wine helped last time. It's not because you're weak, it's because your brain is doing exactly what brains are decided to do. Repeat behaviors that seem to reduce discomfort. The problem is that alcohol only offers temporary relief. It never solves the stress. It never heals the anxiety. It never heals the loneliness. It simply presses pause for a little while. And over time, that pause comes with a cost. For many women, the cost isn't obvious at first. It might be waking up tired, feeling foggy, snapping at your kids, losing confidence, not trusting yourself anymore, or wondering why you're feeling flat and disconnected, believing that maybe this is just what life is now. I see this all the time with the women I work with. They're incredible women, successful, loving, hardworking. They're simply using alcohol to cope with a life that feels overwhelming. When we stop making this about labels, something really powerful happens. Instead of asking, am I an alcoholic? We can ask much better questions. Is alcohol helping me become the person I want to be? Do I like who I am when I drink? What is alcohol costing me? How would my life feel without it? Those questions create curiosity instead of shame. And curiosity is where change begins. When I stopped drinking, I realized alcohol had never been the real problem. It was the solution I'd found for stress, anxiety, self-doubt, and emotional pain. The real work wasn't giving up wine for me. The real work was learning how to care for myself without needing it and understanding what I was actually numbing with the alcohol. Once I put down the alcohol, that's when the real work started. And I say work, but now I often replace that word with gift because all of the work I've done has absolutely been a gift and continues to be. I started my training with this Naked Mind Academy, and that's where I really started to learn why I was drinking. Part of it was society and culture. Part was that it was such a rite of passage at 18 that it was just so acceptable, even though I was a binge drinker for my first ever drink. You know, that was looked at as impressive when I first started drinking. Part of it were beliefs that I had that I couldn't

Self Work Behind Lasting Change

SPEAKER_00 10:28

socialize without alcohol. But most of all, it was the deep held beliefs about myself, my core wounds. That's what I was ultimately drinking to numb. These deep held beliefs that I had carried since childhood. Beliefs like I am not safe and I am not worthy. We've all got them, and I didn't know what mine were until I started doing self-work. This is why I am going to be five years alcohol free on New Year's Eve this year. It is why I am now achieving my dreams. It is why I am the most present parent and safe place for my kids. It is why I am now single and so happy. And just that alone, I always needed external validation in my relationships, but now I don't. And that is huge for me. And something only made possible by putting down the alcohol. Over the last few years, I was also able to let go of any stigma I had attached to stopping drinking. Early on, I definitely felt that I was thought of as an alcoholic and I felt weak and like a failure. But now I have such a deep understanding of myself and I know that I drank because I felt sad and alone. I actually had to go through everything I did to get to where I am now. So basically, I am I am glad I had a drinking issue because now I get to be doing what I love most. Sure, some of the things I did I regretted and I had shame and blame around, believe me. But even those I have worked through, and now I just have compassion for myself. And this is available to everyone listening. You really can stop drinking and start healing. So if you have been wondering whether your drinking is bad enough to change, this is your permission to stop asking that question. You don't need to hit rock bottom. You don't need a label, you don't need anyone else's approval. If alcohol is taking more than it's giving, that is enough. So thank you so much for listening today. If this episode resonated with you, I'd love it if you could follow the podcast, leave a review, and share

Permission To Stop And Next Steps

SPEAKER_00 12:38

it with someone who's been quietly wondering the same thing. And remember, you don't have to be an alcoholic to choose a better life. I'd also like to say that I am a trauma informed alcohol recovery coach. And if you want to have a free 30 minute chat with me, then please reach out. There's a link in the show notes, or you can contact me via my website at MeganWeb.com.au. I am here to walk alongside you. You do not have to do this alone.