Divided by Design: Why Black Voices Need Each Other

Chapters

• 0:00 Divided by Design
• 3:21 Understanding Intersectionality
• 6:51 Why We Need Each Other's Voices
• 10:21 Rebuilding Trust and Healing Wounds
• 15:30 Building a Future of Unity
• 20:51 Restoring Love in Relationships

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Have you ever felt like your voice, your struggles or your victories were being erased even by the very people who should understand you the most? Imagine fighting against the weight of the world only to realize that the person standing next to you, the one who shares your history, your culture, your pain and your joy, is fighting a battle just as deep, but you've both been conditioned to believe your enemies instead of allies. Battle just as deep, but you've both been conditioned to believe your enemies instead of allies. What if I told you that Black women and Black men are being divided by design? What if I told you that the real power, the kind that shifts generational outcomes, lies in us, amplifying each other's voices instead of silencing them? This is not just about gender instead of silencing them, this is not just about gender. This is about intersectionality the way race, gender and society collide to shape our realities. And if we don't start listening to each other, we may never heal the wounds that keep us from thriving together. So today we're getting real. We're unpacking why Black men need Black women's voices and Black women need Black men's voices, now more than ever, because the world isn't just watching. It's waiting to see if we will rise or if we will remain divided. So let's talk about it. Let's reclaim our voices together. Before we dive deep into this crucial conversation, I need you to do something for me. If you're here, it means you care about real conversations that challenge, heal and empower. So take a moment to like, share and subscribe, because these discussions need to be heard. And if this episode resonates with you, don't keep it to yourself. Send it to a friend, a brother, a sister, someone who needs to hear this today. Let's amplify our voices together. Now let's get into it. Welcome to Life Points with Rhonda, where we have real conversations about relationships, self-development and the journey to becoming our best selves. I'm your host, rhonda, and as always, I'm here to bring you insight, encouragement and the truth wrapped in love.

Speaker 1: 2:12

Today's episode is one that I believe is not just important, it's necessary. We're talking about intersectionality and why Black women and Black men need each other's voices now more than ever. Black women and Black men need each other's voices now more than ever. Too often, we see our struggles being separated, our narratives being divided and our pain being used as a wedge between us, but the truth is, our survival, our success and our future depend on us hearing, respecting and uplifting one another. So, whether you're listening as a Black woman who feels unheard, a Black man who feels unseen or someone who simply wants to understand the dynamics at play, this episode is for you. We're going to break down what intersectionality really means, why it matters and how we can shift the conversation from blame and division to healing and collaboration. So sit back, get comfortable and let's talk about it, because when we come together, there is no force greater than us Understanding intersectionality and its impact on Black men and women. What is intersectionality and why does it matter? Before we can talk about why Black men and Black women need each other's voices, we have to first understand the term intersectionality, what it means, where it comes from and how it directly impacts our lived experiences.

Speaker 1: 3:35

Intersectionality was first coined by Kimberlé Crenshaw, a Black feminist, scholar and legal expert, in 1989. She used the term to describe how different aspects of identity, like race, gender, class and sexuality, overlap and create unique experiences of discrimination and privilege. It's the idea that being Black and being a woman or being Black and being a man doesn't happen in isolation. These identities intersect in ways that create specific challenges and, in some cases, even make oppression worse. For example, a Black woman faces both racism and sexism, often at the same time. A workplace that hires women might still be hostile to Black employees, and a workplace that hires Black people might still hold sexist expectations. This means that a Black woman's struggle can't just be boiled down and a workplace that hires Black people might still hold sexist expectations. This means that a Black woman's struggle can't just be boiled down to gender discrimination or racial discrimination alone. It's both simultaneously. On the other hand, black men experience a different intersectionality, where they face the hyper-criminalization and dehumanization of Black masculinity, while also being expected to conform to a version of masculinity that allows them little room to express emotion, vulnerability or struggle. Society often treats them as threats before seeing them as people, whether it's in job markets, law enforcement or even dating and social spaces.

Speaker 1: 5:01

The real challenge. These struggles are different, but they are also connected, and yet we are rarely given space to acknowledge each other's pain without making it a competition how the system uses intersectionality to divide us. One of the biggest reasons why Black men and Black women struggle to amplify each other's voices is because we've been conditioned to see each other as opponents rather than allies, and that conditioning didn't happen by accident. It is deliberate and systemic. From the days of slavery to the Jim Crow era and even today, through mass incarceration and economic disenfranchisement, there has been a constant effort to divide and conquer the Black community. During slavery, black men were often beaten and humiliated in front of their families to strip them of their role as protectors. Meanwhile, black women were forced into labor and sexual exploitation, often denied the right to control their own bodies. During segregation, the government actively suppressed Black families by enforcing policies that kept Black men out of stable employment and denied Black women financial resources unless they were single, furthering the breakdown of the Black household.

Speaker 1: 6:15

In today's world, we see it through the justice system and media narratives, where Black men are painted as dangerous and Black women are painted as aggressive or unlovable, making it harder for us to trust and support each other. What does all of this do? It creates resentment. It creates a sense of I've had to do it alone, so why should I support you? And this is exactly what the system wants, because a divided black community is a weakened black community. The truth is, neither black men nor black women are the enemy. The enemy is the system that profits from our division, and the only way we win is by refusing to play into the narrative that we must tear each other down to survive. Why we need each other's voices now more than ever. Why we need each other's voices now more than ever. If there's one thing we have to take away from this conversation, it's that Black men and Black women are stronger together. But that strength can only happen if we see, hear and uplift each other in meaningful ways.

Speaker 1: 7:18

Black men listen to Black women when they speak about their struggles. Understand that their fight for gender equality is not a fight against you, but rather a fight against systems that oppress us all. Recognize the burden black women carry in the movement, from activism to education, to community building. Black women are often on the front lines, but they shouldn't have to do it alone. Challenge the stereotypes placed on black women. The angry black woman trope is used to dismiss Thank you. The world often sees them as threats rather than human beings, and that burden is real. Stand up against the hyper-criminalization of Black men. From mass incarceration to police brutality, black men are disproportionately targeted by the system. Supporting them in these fights does not mean erasing your own struggles.

Speaker 1: 8:20

Recognize that healing can't happen in isolation. It's easy to feel like you have to go it alone because of past betrayals. But collective healing means rebuilding trust, not avoiding it altogether. The world is already loud enough and trying to tear us down. The least we can do for each other is speak up, support and stand together. Now that we've broken down why intersectionality affects us differently but still connects us, the next section will focus on how we can actively rebuild trust and work together to amplify each other's voices in meaningful ways, because knowing the problem is just the first step. The real work starts with the solutions rebuilding trust and amplifying each other's voices. Now that we understand how intersectionality impacts both Black men and Black women differently and how systemic forces have historically worked to divide us, it's time to address the real work Rebuilding trust and actively amplifying each other's voices, because, let's be honest, the wounds run deep.

Speaker 1: 9:21

Many Black women feel abandoned, unheard and dismissed by the very men who should be standing beside them. Many black men feel disrespected, unsupported and constantly under attack by the women who should have their backs, and this pain, if left unchecked, becomes a cycle of resentment instead of healing. But the truth is we need each other, not just in theory, but in action. So how do we move forward? How do we break this cycle and start showing up for one another in a way that is real, intentional and impactful. Let's talk about it.

Speaker 1: 9:57

Step one learning to listen without defensiveness. One of the biggest roadblocks in our ability to support each other is defensiveness. We hear criticism and instead of processing it, we internalize it as a personal attack. For example, when Black women express frustration about feeling unsupported, some Black men respond with but we struggle too, instead of asking how can we do better? When Black men open up about feeling unwanted or unappreciated, some Black women respond with well, black women have it harder. Instead of saying I see your pain and I hear you. The issue we are too busy competing over who hurts more. Rather than validating each other's pain, the solution Radical listening. Listen to understand, not to argue. The next time a black man or black woman shares their struggles, resist the urge to compare. Just listen, validate before responding, even if you don't fully relate. Acknowledge the pain before offering a rebuttal. Make space for each other's emotions. Black men are often told not to express vulnerability and black women are often told their emotions are too much. It's time we start affirming, not dismissing, each other's feelings. When we truly listen to each other, we create the space for healing.

Speaker 1: 11:23

To begin Step two addressing internalized biases. Let's be real. We've all been conditioned with negative ideas about each other, whether from media, trauma or society. We carry unconscious biases that influence how we see one another. Some common ones Black men are all players and emotionally unavailable. Black women are too difficult, too independent or too angry. Black men don't protect their women. Black women don't respect their men. These are lies designed to keep us divided and if we want to rebuild trust, we have to do the hard work of unlearning these toxic narratives and replacing them with truth. The truth is, black men do love and protect black women, but they are rarely shown doing so in mainstream media. The truth is, black women are not angry without reason. They are responding to a world that constantly tries to silence them. The truth is neither gender is the enemy. The real enemy is the system that benefits from our mistrust. So ask yourself what negative assumptions have I internalized about black men or black women? Where did these ideas come from? Personal experience or external messaging? How can I actively challenge and correct these biases in my daily life?

Speaker 1: 12:35

The work of healing starts within. It's easy to say I support black men or I stand with black women. But true support isn't just talk, it's action. If we really want to amplify each other's voices, we have to show up consistently and in ways that matter. Ways Black men can show up for Black women. Defend Black women in public and private. If you hear another man disrespecting a Black woman, call it out. Silence is complicity. Support Black women-led initiatives, whether it's businesses, activism or creative work. Thank you. Speak on the injustices Black men face. From mass incarceration to police violence, black men are disproportionately targeted. Their pain matters too. Create safe emotional spaces. Black men are often told to be strong, but they also need room to be vulnerable without judgment. Celebrate Black men's successes. The world is already quick to highlight their failures. Be a voice that amplifies their wins. When we show up for each other in tangible, visible ways, we build the trust that has been broken.

Speaker 1: 14:02

Step four healing our relationship wounds. One of the hardest truths we must face is that many of us are operating from past wounds childhood trauma, heartbreak, failed relationships or even generational pain passed down from our ancestors. If a Black woman has been hurt by Black men before, she may struggle to trust them. If a Black man has felt abandoned by Black women, he may be hesitant to open up. The result we keep projecting old wounds onto new people, furthering the cycle of division. The truth is, we cannot build unity if we don't first heal. So where do we start? Therapy and self-reflection. Address the root of your pain before taking it out on others. Honest communication, have the hard conversations, even when they're uncomfortable. Forgiveness, not just for others but for yourself, because healing is the foundation of unity. The stronger we are individually, the stronger we are together. What's next? Creating a culture of love and solidarity. So where do we go from here?

Speaker 1: 15:07

In the next section, we'll focus on building a future where Black men and Black women don't just coexist but thrive together, because this isn't just about fixing relationships. It's about shaping a culture where our voices are heard, our pain is acknowledged and our power is reclaimed. And that future, it starts with us Building a future of love, solidarity and collective power. Now that we've unpacked the impact of intersectionality, addressed the ways we've been divided and discussed how to rebuild trust, it's time to look toward the future. The truth is, black men and black women have always been each other's greatest allies, even when history tried to tell a different story. From the civil rights movement to modern activism, from the households we build to the culture we create. Our power has always been in our unity, so the real question is how do we move forward in a way that strengthens us as a community, so that future generations don't inherit the same wounds? This section is about solutions, tangible, lasting solutions.

Speaker 1: 16:15

Step one cultivating a culture of love, not war. It's time to rewrite the script. For too long, social media and mainstream narratives have pushed the idea that black men and black women are at odds, but this is a lie. We are not battling each other for dominance. We are not in a gender war. We are not enemies. Instead of fueling, we are not in a gender war, we are not enemies. Instead of fueling the divide, we must create a culture of love where supporting one another is the standard, not the exception. How do we do that? We correct the narrative. Instead of amplifying stories of Black love failing, we need to highlight where it's thriving. We stop feeding into negativity. Social media thrives on division, but we can choose to engage in content that uplifts rather than tears down. We celebrate Black relationships, whether platonic, romantic or professional. We need to make it known that Black men and women do, in fact, support each other. It starts with a shift in mindset. If we keep expecting war, we will never build peace.

Speaker 1: 17:19

Step two strengthening the Black family and community. Another critical part of healing our dynamic is restoring the Black family and Black community structures. For decades, systemic forces have worked to break apart Black families, from mass incarceration to economic policies that punish two-parent households. But we don't have to accept the status quo. Here's how we rebuild Supporting Black fathers and mothers. Instead of feeding into harmful stereotypes about absentee Black fathers or struggling single mothers, we uplift and support Black parents who are doing the work, healing generational wounds. Many of us grew up witnessing unhealthy relationship dynamics, but we have the power to break those cycles by modeling love, respect and accountability in our own relationships, creating strong communities. Instead of looking to outside systems for solutions, we must invest in our own people mentorship programs, black-owned schools and businesses that build generational wealth and stability. The Black family is powerful, and when we strengthen our households, we strengthen our entire community.

Speaker 1: 18:28

Step three uniting in economic and social power. One of the most effective ways to solidify our future is through economic and social unity. Invest in Black businesses. Every dollar we spend is a vote for the kind of world we want Supporting Black entrepreneurs, creators and professionals, helps us build collective wealth and reduces dependence on systems that were never designed for us. Educate and empower each other, whether it's financial literacy, real estate or community organizing. We should be sharing knowledge that uplifts us all, engage in political and social change together. From voting to advocacy, we need to stand united on the issues that impact our community, because division makes us weak but unity makes us unstoppable. The reality is no other community thrives without economic and social solidarity, and neither will we unless we commit to building together.

Speaker 1: 19:24

Step four restoring trust and love in relationships. At the heart of everything we've discussed is this we cannot build a future together if we do not trust and love each other. So how do we restore that love? By choosing empathy over ego. Instead of trying to win arguments, we start listening with the intent to heal, by holding each other accountable with love. Accountability isn't about blame. It's about growth. We must call each other in, not out, by protecting each other always, whether in the streets, in the workplace or in our own homes. We must be each other's safest place. If we can commit to loving each other fully, deeply and unapologetically, there is no limit to what we can achieve together. Final thoughts the future starts with us. Black men and Black women have always needed each other and we always will. We are not enemies, we are not broken, we are not beyond repair. We are powerful beyond measure, and when we come together, when we amplify each other's voices, heal our wounds and stand united, there is nothing we cannot accomplish. The future of our community, our families and our legacy depends on the love, respect and unity we choose today. So let's make the choice together.

Speaker 1: 20:48

Conclusion how this ties into relationships. We've covered a lot in this episode Intersectionality, the ways we've been divided and, most importantly, how we can move forward together. But let's bring it home, because this conversation isn't just about history or society. It's about real relationships. It's about the way we love, the way we communicate, the way we choose to show up for each other every single day. At the core of every movement, every revolution and every act of change is a relationship. How we treat each other in our homes, in our friendships and in our communities reflects the kind of future we will build.

Speaker 1: 21:25

So what does this mean for you? If you're in a relationship, ask yourself are you showing up for your partner the way you want to be shown up for. Are you creating space for their voice, their struggles and their experiences? If you're single, consider this. Are you carrying pain from the past into your present? Are you open to healing and embracing new possibilities without resentment or fear? If you're part of a community, reflect on this. Are you doing your part to uplift Black love, black families and Black unity? At the end of the day, our personal relationships set the foundation for our collective strength. A healed Black man creates space for a healed Black woman. A healed Black woman creates space for a healed Black man. A healed black woman creates space for a healed black man, and together they build a legacy that breaks cycles and creates generational change. Because here's the truth Society benefits when we are divided, but we benefit when we are united, and that unity starts with the love we choose to cultivate today. And that unity starts with the love we choose to cultivate today.

Speaker 1: 22:31

Let's keep this conversation going. This is not just a podcast episode. This is a movement. This is a call to action for every Black man and Black woman listening today. If this conversation resonated with you, don't let it stop here. Like, share and subscribe, because this message needs to reach as many people as possible. Send this episode to someone who needs to hear it your friend, your brother, your sister, your partner, anyone who needs this dialogue. Join the conversation, comment message and engage with this discussion. Let's keep this dialogue alive and growing. We are not just voices, we are a collective force and when we come together, there is nothing we cannot accomplish. So until next time, take care of yourself, take care of each other and let's keep building a future where Black men Thank you.