Toxic Relationships: Release Yourself From The Narcissist's Grip

Ready to step into your power after the nightmare of narcissistic abuse? Come, and journey with Dr. Amen Kaur as we unveil the path to healing from such toxic relationships that have left scars on your happiness. Let us explore together the profound effects of psychological and emotional abuse, and how these experiences shape the prism through which we view life. We invite you to become part of our supportive community, sharing and growing together as we heal from narcissistic trauma.

Prepare to dive deep into the anxiety borne from the constant tension of narcissistic relationships, and how the fear you've lived with has kept you feeling like you're holding your breath. Let's talk about devaluation, and how it impacts our self-worth and decision-making skills. But, we're not here to dwell. We're here to uplift, to explore the healing power of gratitude and reflection, illuminating the beauty that still exists within. We're here to challenge our consciousness levels, to reevaluate our self-perception, and to transform our worldview. This conversation is a call to self-love and a celebration of your value. Together, let's reclaim your power, release emotional pain, and alter negative thinking patterns. Let's usher in an era of self-care and personal growth. We invite you to join our 21-day trauma therapy program, Reclaim to Power, and unlock your potential for positive change. Listen in, heal, grow, and be empowered!

Resources
Are you ready to break free from the pain of trauma?

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https://www.innerknowing.life/power

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome, welcome, welcome. This is Dr Eman Kaur, and each week we will bring you an important message as we explore how to detox toxic relationships. The aim of this podcast is for you to unlock your own inner knowing, your own inner greatness, so you can know how to heal from the impact of a toxic relationship, so you can get your life back on track and live your best life. After all, we are all worthy of loving our life. After narcissistic abuse, we can find it hard to find or see or feel happiness again. It's like they've tainted something so fundamental in our life that we don't get to feel happiness again. That's what makes it so hard about getting over this relationship is the emotional and psychological abuse that comes with narcissistic abuse. Basically, it's our thinking and our emotions that have been abused and we need to get ourself back and heal the damage the psychological and emotional damage they have done, without thinking that there's something wrong with me. You know, without you feeling like there's something fundamentally wrong with you or that you have failed in some way, because they want you to feel as if you are wrong. You're failed, it was your fault. You might have researched and realized there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. It's a personality disorder and they have that personality disorder, but now you do need to turn and look towards yourself and heal the damage they have done.

Speaker 1: 2:01

The truth is, they have altered our perception of life because of this experience and perception is everything. How we perceive the world is based on what we're expecting and what's happened in our life in the past. Experiences in our life. You see, the reason why this is is that our brain can't manage all the information that's available. According to some estimates I'm sure that they're still looking into this the brain can process up to 11 million bits of information per second. This includes the input from your senses, your emotions, your memories, your subconscious or unconscious mind. However, the conscious mind so the logical thinking mind, what you're actually aware of you'll only be able to handle a fraction of this amount, ranging from 400 to 120 bits of information per second. So you're going from 11 million to potentially 40 or 140 bits. This means that a lot of information is being compressed or filtered out by our brain before it even reaches the conscious awareness.

Speaker 1: 3:23

So it's important it's vital, in fact to know that our ability to live in the world and to find joy and happiness is dependent on making sure we're filtering out the right bits, but not filtering out what brings us joy and happiness. Based on our experience with the narcissist, we are filtering out information in the brain differently than we did before we met the narcissist. So we have to ask the question are we filtering out what we would normally make us happy? Maybe we don't feel fully deserving of something anymore, feeling deserving of happiness anymore. Perhaps because we've got unprocessed guilt and shame or anger and fear around the narcissistic relationship, and how do we release this so we don't allow that abusive experience to continue to abuse us in the way we perceive and live our life in the world moving forward, look, a quick message before we dive in. You may be watching or listening to this, but you haven't had the time or taken the time to click on the subscribe button. So if you have gained anything of any value from this, these podcasts it would mean so much to me if you could subscribe to the button right now and support this channel Because, yes, it allows you to see all the new releases and you'll get notified first when something comes out. But you will be supporting other people to heal and find this information and we will all, as a community, help people heal from the narcissistic abuse. It will help me to continue to do this content and also I want to say thank you so much for your support. It means so much to me to be able to continue to do this work so we can all find freedom in the world from narcissistic trauma. There is nothing worse in my mind than somebody who's been through narcissistic trauma and is still living in it years later. So please make sure you click on the subscribe button and let's dive into this deep conversation.

Speaker 1: 5:56

So many people struggle with anxiety after narcissistic relationships. That's because there's more fear than there was before. Why we were living in fear, walking on eggshells, not knowing what the narcissists would do day to day, appeasing them, trying to make sure that they didn't get into a rage. It's almost like we're holding our breath, and I'm really going to talk about breath in this. A lot of people talk about how they feel they can breathe after they've got out of the relationship. It's like this feeling I can breathe again. It's like you know you can take that deep breath in, you feel safe to breathe. It's like you have been holding your breath during the narcissistic relationship and I want to reflect on this. There's an abundance of air all around us. There's no limit of air that we can breathe, even when we're in a toxic relationship. Just like the sun is always shining and I think the sun is the ultimate symbol of light and warmth it gives us this energy of itself. It's limitless. There's a limitless amount of air. There's a limitless amount that we feel from the sun. You know, it's like it's eternal. It's pouring out this energy continuously. It's like life is being poured into us and when we take a breath it's like we're allowing everything in. So let's go back to the whole concept of filtering out. What is our brain filtering out after a toxic relationship? How do we start seeing what we're filtering out again?

Speaker 1: 7:51

One thing I really want to bring up is gratitude. As we, as we near towards the end of the year, oprah Winfrey is massive on gratitude. I was thinking I doubt she actually writes down. I am grateful for my private jet. I'm grateful for how many, however many billions she's got in her bank account or her investments. I reckon she is grateful for the little things. Maybe it's an ice cream or a walk on the beach or just that feeling of being alive, enjoying her life. It might be a friend, it might be, you know, her dogs. No matter what the situation, you too can live as though you have everything. Right now, the only thing stopping us is trauma. Is that pain, the emotional pain that we're carrying. We can start to feel a deep sense of satisfaction again. There is nothing stopping you from living the life that you want. We can start to feel, live, feeling alive again, so that you feel more like you, more hopeful, more life in you, similar to what you were like before the narcissist came into your life. So today, my calling to you is that, as we near the end of the year, I'd really like you to reflect on what are you grateful for, because we can start to focus on the things that, so that we stop filtering out what is going well for us and we start seeing what is going well for us.

Speaker 1: 9:54

The key aim of narcissistic abuse is devaluation. It's the cycle. So you have the love bombing and then the next phase in narcissistic abuse in the cycle is devaluation. What have you done that shows that you value yourself? That is key, because narcissistic abuse doesn't come without devaluation. You are now, whether you like it or not, devaluing yourself more than you used to, and the very thing that's bothering you now, or should be bothering you now, is the fact that you're making decisions differently to the way you used to. You are worth it, you are of value. You are worth healing. Do you give to everyone else but block yourself from healing or having? That's because of the devaluation, if there's no logic to this, but you're adamant that you don't want to invest in yourself in any way, shape or form. What could it be? Is it because you don't value yourself? Are you moving towards what you want to be?

Speaker 1: 11:19

I would say to yourself do write your goals down for 2024. It is not worth anything unless you write it down. Write your goals down and give yourself a timeframe for each of those goals. And then ask yourself the question who do you need to become to be able to achieve your goals? And then think how do I become that? How do I start investing in your growth? Maybe it's you need to do a course or something, learn something new. You know, what is it that you? How do you need to grow so you become the version of yourself you want to become? That is who you're destined to become, even if it feels unnatural right now.

Speaker 1: 12:07

The narcissist was never, ever satisfied with whatever you did. It would no matter what you did. It was never good enough. It didn't matter what you achieved, what you became. They would use every single opportunity to devalue you.

Speaker 1: 12:25

But there's so many teachings you know, from mystics, from religions that speak, that our consciousness level is everything. Consciousness level is the way we perceive our self and the world and everything around us. That's the consciousness level that we have. It's our ability to be aware of the truth. It's about how we filter things out. Are we seeing the truth within our self or are we allowing someone else's lies and illusions to filter the way we view our self? The only way you can get back to valuing yourself again is to really look at how you're filtering out what is valuable and seeing the value in you on a daily basis. It's not about the big things. It's the day-to-day, every day decisions and choices that you're making. Are you deciding that actually, I'm not good enough to have that nice piece of I don't know, whatever it might be food that you're having? There's a great, a power so great within you that you cannot comprehend it. There's no words to describe it and this isn't coming from me. This is your teachings. There's so many teachings out there Do you believe that isn't the case for you that you aren't worth it?

Speaker 1: 13:53

There's nothing of value in you. That's basically the narcissist filter being put onto you. The narcissist is a representation of the ego. It's a big representation of the ego, where they're disconnected from this innate power within. They wanna do value the true value within you. They wanna take control of everything outside of them and they wanna control you so that you never know your true value. But you have this power within you. Whether they reckon you, regardless of whether you recognize it or they recognize it, it really makes no difference. You still have it. A 20 pound note or a $20 is still $20 or 20 pounds, regardless of whether you recognize it or not, it's still going to have that value.

Speaker 1: 14:53

There is an aliveness that maybe you feel you no longer have. When you feel your value, you feel alive. When you feel valued by other people, you feel alive. You see, we have a purpose to be alive. When we feel that value within ourself, we feel that purpose to be alive. Some people call it motivation, but it's so much more than that. It's inspiration. It's when you feel the spirit within you. It's your life force, it's why you live.

Speaker 1: 15:33

There is a part of you that still believes that you can do this. You can get up and you can grow and grow and grow by releasing the barriers to seeing this. That's your barriers, that's your filter. By releasing all of that accumulated fear, all that accumulated emotion, all those psychological thinking patterns that don't serve you. When you've released all of that, then you are allowing in, you're not filtering out all the goodness. You're allowing yourself to see the true value, the essence of who you are, your true value and it is your destiny to recognize this within your being, which is far beyond what the narcissist could ever have given you in a relationship. It's through the healing of narcissistic abuse that you get the goodness of being in that relationship and then, through your own being, you realize that being yourself is being great. You start to become your true, authentic self and start to feel this freedom where you feel valuable, you feel free to love others, you feel free to know who you are and to feel and know there's something of real value within me because I am valuable, I'm valued. Then you will love who you are. That's the beauty of you. You will feel more loved than you have ever loved and you'll come back to yourself and love and value will come back to you.

Speaker 1: 17:26

In the strangest of places sometimes you might find that as you start to release all the emotions and the psychological stuff within groups, friends, neighbors, they start to express how valuable you are to them. But you must start to experience the value within yourself first. You have to start to experience love, and that is through taking away the parts of you that are filtering out all the good stuff and the things that are limiting you. And filtering out all the good stuff is the emotional pain, the psychological thinking patterns that are no good for you. You know, once you start to release all of that, you start coming back to yourself, and all of this is for you to get back to you.

Speaker 1: 18:22

And if you want to reclaim your power and stop filtering out the best of you, then do look in the resources section and join the Reclaim to Power, your Power program. It's 21 days, it's really great 21 days of trauma therapy that can start to change your life for 2024. Remember, no matter what happens, love is what heals, you know. Start to see the value in you. Start to be loving towards yourself, make the commitment, show yourself that you're worthy and start to invest in you, start to experience what it means to love you Till next time, wishing you a very, very Merry Christmas and know that you are deeply loved.