Supernatural Music Extravaganza: Finding Their Voices - Briana Buckmaster & Lisa Berry

Welcome back to another installment of the Denim-wrapped Nightmares and In Defense of Fandom collaboration, Supernatural Music Extravaganza!

What happens when two powerhouse voices (who spent years thinking they weren't good enough) finally find their people? Pure magic, that's what.

Briana Buckmaster and Lisa Berry take us back to a fateful train ride from a Stage West audition where they bonded over being told their alto, bluesy, rock voices didn't fit the "belt to an E, ingenue" sound that musical theater demanded. Spoiler: the industry was wrong, and Saturday Night Special proved it.

From Bri's traumatic vocal node saga (thanks, restaurant work and Beauty and the Beast) to Lisa spending a decade not singing at all before landing Death on Supernatural, these two get real about vocal insecurity, jet lag voice loss, and why Jason Manns is everyone's musical fairy godfather. There's the story of how Phil Sgriccia turned Lisa's trailer recording of "O Death" into the iconic season 11 trailer, why steroid shots are a musical theater thing (opera singers just cancel, apparently), and how Lisa manifested becoming Death through sheer fan theory energy.

Plus: why Louden Swain won't let Bri sing "Stairway to Heaven," the revelation that maybe everyone's faking it, and Lisa's dream of re-recording "O Death" now that she can actually fly in the song.

Fair warning: you'll laugh, you might cry, and you'll definitely want to attend Lisa's future Toronto concert.

Special thanks to Bri for allowing us to feature some of her music. Find tracks at https://music.apple.com/us/artist/briana-buckmaster/1399938992.

Don't forget to check out these playlists of the full songs featured in our episodes so far!

• Apple Music
• YouTube Music
• Spotify

And don’t worry, we’ll keep adding to the tunes as we continue our journey into the music of Supernatural!

A Denim Wrapped Nightmares and In Defensive Fandom podcast crossover

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:01

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SPEAKER_07 0:23

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LA 0:56

Welcome back to the Denim Wrapped Nightmares and In Defense of Fandom Podcast Crossover Supernatural Music Extravaganza. In this collaboration series, we're looking at music in the show, music inspired by the show, and music created by actors, cast, and crew. Today's episode is the second in our artist on artist series. Inspired by variety's actors on actors format. We've paired supernatural cast members and musicians for unscripted conversations where they interview each other. In an exemplary discussion where two real queens fix each other's crowns, our guests are Brianna Buckmaster and Lisa Barry. Brianna is a Canadian actress, singer, and voiceover performer who stole hearts as the optimistic Sheriff Donna Hanscom on Supernatural. A Grant McEwan university theater grad, an award-winning stage veteran. She's voiced Pugs in Chip and Potato, released a Billboard Charting Blues album Begin, and even covered Carry On Wayward Sun with Billy Moran. Beyond the screen and stage, she champions body positivity and women's empowerment. Lisa is a Canadian actress who transformed from a makeup artist to powerhouse performer, commanding the screen as Billy the Reaper, and later Death on Supernatural. A Randolph Academy grad with classical theater roots. She's tackled everything from Shakespeare to horror anthologies like Slasher. Music re-entered her life through convention performances with Lon Swain. And Lisa mentors performers through her Take a Breath Wellness program, advocating mental health and the arts. Now let's eavesdrop on Breeze and Lisa's conversation.

SPEAKER_03 2:39

I couldn't remember the exact moment. But I wanna I wanna ask Lisa if she wants to go first. But I remember that.

SPEAKER_05 2:45

I was gonna say I was like, you go first because you always remember how how the went. And it's a part of my life I blocked out for so long. I only remember you.

SPEAKER_03 2:54

I don't remember how Was it Cinderella? I remember it was Stage West. No. Yeah, it was Stage West Mississauga because I remember we had to take the train.

SPEAKER_05 3:07

I was gonna say I was like, we had to take a train from a West.

SPEAKER_03 3:10

I don't remember if it was a show or like one of their kind of um cabaret kind of shows where it's like just a bunch of songs from a different bunch of different shows and pop songs and whatever. Anyway, Lisa A was with she and I were with the same agents at the time. And I don't know if I had known of you or if I'd seen you before that, but I remember we both well uh this is my my remembering of it. We both hated the audition and felt that we were not seen as musicians, as quality singers in the musical theater space. And so we spent the entire train lamenting about how in musical theater, or at least it used to be like this, there was one voice quality they were looking for, and it was belt to an E, ingenue sound. And both Lisa and I, as you can even just tell from speaking, both have alto sounding voices and lean towards that vocally when we were singing. And also, you know, we're like blues singers, rock singers, like we weren't our voices, we're not leaning hard towards musical theater, ingenue, pop, belt to an E. And so often, or you know, I will say I often I showed up to musical theater auditions feeling so less than. And it was, I remember just finding it so refreshing to have conversations with Lisa, who I think I knew as being kind of a big deal back then, or even if it was after then, because I know she had worked at Stratford and Shaw, and I felt so grateful that someone of her caliber in the industry felt the exact same way I did. And I just remember her being very funny and big and vibrant, and I just related to her so much. I don't think I ever saw her again, but we were uh we were connected via social media for years and years and years, and then I remember hearing her sing in the supernatural preview, and I messaged her going, is that you on supernatural? And she's like, Yeah, it is. And I'm like, I'm on supernatural too. And she's like, ah no. And so, because she was a fan of supernatural, which she'll tell you about, I'm sure. But anyway, and then the rest is history. So we'd known each other for a long time, had that one moment that I can remember of connection, never saw each other again till we started, she started doing conventions, and then of course, the love was obvious for me, for me. Aww.

SPEAKER_05 5:58

I love you. I love you. Oh, yeah. I mean, Brianna is hilarious, as anyone who is lucky enough to know her knows. She will have you laughing in stitches, like not just laughing, but like rolling on the floor, stop it, it hurts, kind of laughing. And those people always keep a special place in my heart. And I of course know the show, as Brianna knows. I'm a fan of the show as well. And I was like, get out of here, man. You know what's so funny? Is I actually just saw uh an old audition I did for another thing on Supernatural because I'd auditioned for the show for like 10 years, and I found an old school uh hard drive, and I was like, Oh, I wonder what's on here. And I was like, Oh, that's my nightmare. They're bad, they're very bad, is what I got.

SPEAKER_03 6:43

Even looking at one of my auditions from last year, they're so bad.

SPEAKER_05 6:47

Yeah, it's like I saw why I didn't I didn't get the part. Um yeah, no, and it's I think it's always fun when you meet somebody who understands the vocal journey that both Brianna and I have had. And to hear us sing, you would never think that there was ever an insecurity. But when you grow up in a time where still, you know, a size eight is the biggest size you ever saw represented in magazines on TV in the world, and you're a size 12, you immediately are excluded from the definition of beautiful. And so you grow up with that internalized, and then you have a voice that is more leaning towards a rock or a punk rock kind of sound, and everyone wants aerial. And that makes you go, uh, I don't think there's gonna be much for me here. And and I would still go out and I would still try, but then it was just like, I can't do this anymore. I can't take any more notes. I can't, I can't put myself out there in that way. This is too vulnerable, this is so personal, which I believe singing is is such a deep, you know, spiritual practice in real time because you're sharing the most vulnerable side of yourself where mistakes and anything you don't want other people to hear, you know, will will be heard. So so it was nice to to meet somebody who who also, like Brianna said, just got it. I'm like that to this day. A friend of mine just made a show and she was talking about her vocal journey. And I was just sitting on like a tear bubble the whole time because I was like, get out of my head, what are you doing? Because I just understand the pressure we put on ourselves and the pressure we think other people are putting on us. And it just can be this weight that you're like, it's it's a lie. And when you really break free of it, which is something that, you know, only happened because of Brianna as well. Like, just she's always been a champion. I, you know, like nobody really reaches out when you're on something and says, Hey, I saw you on this. Let me give you a shout out. Like, those just aren't words that most artists hear or share in in community. And and to me, that that's what makes you actually really, really special is you're you're giving in a way where you don't feel like you'll lose something because you're sharing and giving and being generous.

SPEAKER_03 9:04

That's so sweet. I would never ever have thought that. To me, I was like, oh, I'm gonna get famous because I know Lisa Barry. I was being very selfish when I reached out to you. Um, I want to touch on quickly when um talking about how interesting it is. I know Lisa and I we've talked at length about how we share vocal insecurities that, as you mentioned, it's I really does stem from being told you need to sound a certain way in musical theater. I remember the very first time I played like an ingenue role in a musical was when I played Belle in Beauty and the Beast at Globe Theater. And I lost my voice. And they didn't have understudies back then, they didn't have microphones, and I will never forget like it's in the trauma is ingrained in my cells going on stage, opening your mouth, and no sound coming out, and then going on stage for a curtain call and nobody applauding. Like, because they did not make an announcement that I had lost my voice until the next performance. And they just cut songs. And of course, people are upset because this was a Christmas show at Globe, and they pay a lot of money to come see Beauty and the Beast, the show they know and love, and they're cutting all the big songs from the show. It was awful. And the director, Ruth Smiley, was very kind and she did all she could to take care of me. And this happens, people get sick, but I have lived since my late 20s with vocal nodes, which I got from serving tables, actually. If you don't speak properly, meaning if you speak at a certain decibel, as you do at restaurants, over people for long periods of time, five nights a week, you're not using your breath and your diaphragm properly, and you just exhaust yourself. Plus, those may 20s, so it's probably drinking, smoking, whatever, doing all the things, and then you find out you have vocal nodes, but they don't really um surgically remove nodes anymore. And so they're like calluses. And so when I have vocal issues, they will come back. And they came back once at the Rockwood Music Festival that I did. It was the last one I did. And listen, when I'm in Germany, this I had I had done this festival three or four times, and so I knew by this time, the last time, which I want to say was 2021. I don't know if it was, I think it was pre-pandemic. Um, and so I knew to behave, get as much sleep as you can, don't drink, don't do anything bad. And it was, it didn't matter. I still lost my voice because of the jet leg. I when you're tired, you're just your body is tired, your muscles are not working properly, including your vocal muscles. And I completely lost my voice. It was the one Lisa where I sang that song from Waitress. I recorded it. I remember Lisa was there.

SPEAKER_05 12:17

She was like, I like my hand so steady because I didn't have a tripod.

SPEAKER_03 12:21

I was like, ooh, she in it.

SPEAKER_05 12:22

I cannot mess this up.

SPEAKER_03 12:24

And I was like, for sure, that song is uh um holds a special place in my heart because it's about a woman who got pregnant, you know, didn't want to be pregnant. And I related to that because I was very unsure if I wanted to have kids and got pregnant by surprise, et cetera. And so I remember feeling very emotional. And again, like when you're like crying, everything closes up here. So anyway, I lost my voice and was inconsolable. And I remember talking to Jason, going, I have to cancel my set tonight. And I was weeping. And Jason was like, Brianna, it's okay. This happens all the time. And that idea was so foreign to me. I remember seeing an ENT doctor once who did me did a scope and was like, Yeah, you have nodes, like just making scene that they had come back. And I was again very upset, very emotional. And he was like, When opera singers come in and they have nodes, and it he's like, it happens all the time. They go, Okay, I'll cancel the shows. Where in musical theater, they go, Can you get a shot? Like they'll just give a shot of um like a steroid shot. Yeah. Anyway, so in musical theater, it's like you're a bad singer if you get nodes, but in opera, in rock, like in pop music, they just can't people cancel shows all the time. And Jason was so supportive, going, You just did have the performance of your life out there. He's like, You should feel very proud. Um, and I just couldn't feel it because I was so wrapped up in the idea that I was a hack because I'd lost my voice. And I still, you know, I don't know if Lisa, you relate to this. I still yeah, I'm very cautious. This year, vocally, I had my healthiest year, but I also didn't do anything too hard. I remember I was singing in Rome and had lost my voice, was singing in London, had lost my voice. Like anytime I have jet lag experience, I will lose my voice and I will be like, oh, I don't know how to sing. I'm a terrible singer. I can't. It's it's very hard to heal from that, I think.

SPEAKER_05 14:30

Mm-hmm. I'm such a speech person too, like because I did theater for so many years before I really transitioned into doing film and TV. And so even as someone who knows how to articulate and how to reach the back of the room without force, whenever and my voice I feel is like vocal cords of steel. Like I can, I can sing really loud, I can go for really long, I can rehearse all day long. But when I lose my voice, like if I get a tickle in my throat, I was like, oh, because I'm just getting back from losing my voice because I got a tickle in my throat. And I was like, I'm gonna lose my voice. Because the minute any any kind of bacteria or anything happens to the vocal cords, I just know what's gonna happen. Versus if I get a head cold or if I get a chest cold, I'm fine. Like it sing through it, no problem. Um, and there was a couple of shows where I was like, I think I'm getting sick, but then I would go to sing and it's like, nope, nope, it's not in my throat. Okay, we're cool. But it is um triggering because yeah, you you you you go back to ooh, if you ever saw the Celine Dion documentary, she's like, I don't want people to hear me sound like that. That's not what I sound like.

SPEAKER_03 15:37

No, because they don't know, and often people who don't understand music, like maybe a Jason Manns does, people will go, especially if they hear you for the first time, you know, they'll think you're a bad singer. And I don't know, you get a lot of like stuff wrapped up in it.

SPEAKER_05 15:54

But even doing like the like what even when I listen to the me singing over top of the trailer, because of how much I've grown and how much I've learned, I was like, oh, can I do it again? Oh, there are so many things I would change.

SPEAKER_03 16:08

I feel like that when I listen to my album. I don't I don't like when I have people are like, Oh, I love your album, I'm like, oh, it's terrible. But that was I did that, it's great, and I love it for so many reasons, other than how I sound. But that's how albums are like you grow, and I think I sound fine. I just I can hear myself being careful, and I don't sing like that anymore, and it's very freeing. And Jason always says, I refer to Jason a lot because he was a big inspiration for me. He really encouraged me to do the album. Um, he knows a lot about music, vocal health, and he's been a great steadfast for me in the music sense. But he was like, the greatest part of your voice is that growl that you have in your voice was something that was really drilled out of me in musical theater. So when I lean into it, it's very freeing because I'm like, oh no, this is a good thing, as opposed to it's sounding tired or something. It's just how I sound. I sound like that even when I talk. But uh, it's hard on your voice. So I wouldn't be able to sing like that eight shows a week. You know what I mean? No, I was just gonna say that I miss the idea of doing musical theater. I see musicals all the time, and I'm always like, oh, but sometimes I see musical theater and I see a singer singing. I'm like, no, I made the right decision. I can't do that. I can't do that. They're like athletes, eight shows a week.

SPEAKER_05 17:35

I think I think I think Ruth put a put a dream in my heart when she she like and it's always when it's always the friends who say something just so casually and like just off the cuff, you know. And she's like, you could totally do a musical on Broadway. And I was like, what? You think so? Really? You wouldn't lie to me. You know, and it's it's it's it is like a dream of mine to to sing in that way because I would love to. And I catch myself being like, Can I do it? Oh, okay, it's there. Yeah, I could, I could do that. I could I could do that. But the but the for me, I I think what what has always been the thing that holds me back is how I've always just identified as as an artist. And singer was never one of those titles I gave myself, even though vocally as a as a speaking actor, I will to the to the tenth degree be like, oh, I'm well-versed. I've got range, I've got depth, I've got like it's the thing that people most compliment me on in terms of my work of just like, wow, like you on stage and your voice and you know, your speaking voice. And when people hear me, they're like, I heard you on this. Like, was that you? And it was like, I never really think of myself as having a distinct voice, but to everybody else, they're like, Oh no, that's I don't know anybody else who sounds like you, but I feel like everybody sounds like me. So I feel like I hear myself all the time. But even the smallest little compliment like that, and just that little, you know, mustard seed of a belief that I could do it is is there in me now that wouldn't have been there if I'd never done the show. Because I literally I didn't sing until that episode. In truth, it'd probably been about 10 years since I'd even opened my mouth to sing.

SPEAKER_04 19:24

Wow.

SPEAKER_05 19:24

At all. Like, so when I got cast, I don't know, I don't know if you know how I got cast, but I mean, I'd audition for the show for 10 years. You auditioned for something else, right? And I'd auditioned for something else, one of the witches with Rowena's coven. And then when I didn't get it, I was like, I was so certain, man. They seemed to really like me, you know. Like Jensen gave me redirect, and Phil was like, that was awesome. Thanks so much. And then when I got a call being like, hey, there's this other character we wrote that we're not auditioning people for, but from what you did, we think you'd be really great for it. And it might recur, it might not, we don't know yet. Do you want to take it? And I was like, Yes, I don't even care what it is. And it was one scene, and I was like, sold. And they're like, Oh, a week later they called me back and asked if I could sing something. And I was like, Oh, yeah. So I sent over like a track of something I sang at Stratford, and it's just this little song that I did in a show that I kind of use as people for people to be like, Can she sing? It's like, well, yeah, this is what I sound like. And it usually gets me work as an actor, not as a not as a singer, but it's the thing that you're like, oh yeah, the actor can do the singing thing I need them to do. The here's the here's uh the cred. And when I when I got the song, I was like, oh no, this is such an iconic song of the show because I'm a fan of the show. So I was like, Oh, you're not gonna get me like this. I know exactly what this is. You want me to what? And so I immediately like started working with a vocal coach and was like, I need to learn this song, and I I know I only have to learn a couple of bars, but let's just learn the whole song because I just can't be taken by off by off my guard at all. Like I was just panicking, and then when we Do you remember? Yeah, keep going. Remember what? No, keep going. No, I just I just remember Phil coming up at the end being like, Hey, do you think you do you know the whole song? And I was like, Well, as a matter of fact, I do. Would you mind singing it? And like they'll go over into like the the booth and work with the editing, the sound editing guy, and sing it in a little trailer. And I was like, Yeah, sure. So we sang it. And I was like, I thought that was the end of it. And I thought they were gonna use it to cut in to my scene so that they had like a clean take. So when Phil sent me a message being like, hey, check this out, this is what we're gonna do with it, I was like, shut up.

SPEAKER_03 21:44

Oh, that's all so awesome.

SPEAKER_05 21:46

What a story, right? It's so wild.

SPEAKER_03 21:49

I remember the following year, they asked Emily Swallow and I, or Phil asked Emily Swallow and I to do basically what you had done, because I think it was such. A big hit, and he gave me something, and it was so high. I remember going in to record, and I remember him being like, Okay. Just being like, that's not quite what we were looking for. But I think there is a sometimes a thing, you know, and I could absolutely be internalizing this. Phil is such a good friend of mine. He is my fairy godfather. We still see each other at least once a year. So no, no hate from him. I know he loves me, but uh I think he thought I was a different kind of singer. I think because I have a musical theater background. Emily Swallow has an incredible range. She is an incredible tone. She is she is leatherlungs. She never, ever, ever sounds insecure or like she's going to lose her voice. She and I remember being backstage before S the years that she was doing all the conventions. We used to do warm-up. I have a warm-up on my phone from my vocal teacher, and she and I used to do it all the time. And uh I remember going into record and trying to get just, I was like, no, this is too high. And I was just like, I think I was really embarrassed. Um, but what I was gonna say was remember, was it last year that you came over to my house to work on that song for that movie? Was it Lifetime Movie? Yeah, that Christmas movie? Yeah, it was last year, right?

SPEAKER_05 23:32

Yeah, that I was seeing like the BB wine-ins, and I'm like, oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 23:38

Yeah, so she was, I think, I assume was I mean, just wanting to be as prepared as possible. And she was like, Can you can we work together? And I was like, ugh, yes, what a joy that was. I still have it on my phone. Also, yeah, good. You should. You sounded amazing. But it was also like really beautiful to watch Lisa, who we all know is like one of the greatest voices we've ever seen in real life, um, go from being nervous and not attempting notes to then feeling totally confident and free within the span of an hour. Like really reminds us how much of singing is up here. And this directly correlates to here and here and can prevent everything. It really has very not very little, but less than we think to do with actual skill and more to do with uh remembering how to use your instrument appropriately. Uh Saturday Special completely changed my life musically. Um Loudoin Swain and Jason Manns uh changed every I would not be singing still if it was not for Saturday Special. And not only because I get the opportunity to sing, but because I got the opportunity to discover my true voice and feel confident in that voice. Like I will never forget, like going in, I don't remember what song it was, but it was early on, those that first year or two, I sang so I used to sing a different song every two concerts. Like I was constantly changing songs. And I remember the band usually will pitch me a song and I'd be like, Oh, I tried, man, it's just too high. And Billy would be like, Well, let's just take it down. And I'm like, You can do that because in musical theater, no, you hit that note or you don't get the part. But the band was like, let's just take it down. There's only one song that we couldn't take down. We tried, but it was too low for the band to play, and that was um the song from Wayward Sisters, the hailstorm song. I am the fire, uh, which I love and I'm sure they love as well, but it was too that we had to take it down so far because it's got a massive range that it was just too low for the band. But um, they helped me um discover my own authentic sound. I uh recently at the last convention sang Wave with them, the loud and swain version of Wave. And it is one of my favorite songs of all time because I just love it. I love it. They sang it at uh Sadie, the concert we went to on Rich's birthday. They performed it and they hadn't performed it in so long, and I kind of forgotten about that song. And I used to perform it with them all the time. And I was like, oh my God, this is the best song. Like, I truly think it's one of the greatest rock songs, period, let alone my favorite of theirs. And I asked them, I was like, can we do that at the next convention? And then for whatever reason, I think I missed one of the Saturday night specials. And then we sang it at in Nashville, and it brings me such joy to sing because I can just wail. It's like some of those notes sit perfectly. The the tone of my voice that I I love and that I get prided on being a unique sound for me comes out in that song. I'm also not singing alone, like I'm singing with Rob. And so it takes a little heat off of it in terms of nerves. And I it's one of the only performances in the last while that I go back and I look at, I'm like, oh, that's me. And I remember posting a little snippet on my personal Instagram, which is just friends and family. And I had friends of mine who are still working in musical theater, you know, in Toronto, elsewhere in the States. And they're like, holy shit. And to have people who are in musical theater who are successful musical theater performers to say that about me when I obviously think that about them. Uh, it was very validating. Feels really good. What about you, Lisa?

SPEAKER_05 28:08

Well, that's how I feel going into singing at the supernatural conventions. It's always been such an incredible experience because it couldn't be a more warm crowd to fall truly on your face in front of it, if that is the thing.

SPEAKER_03 28:23

Truly, the number of times I've screwed up in front of that audience, I've also like been in that show and like completely stopped and gone, stop, no, we gotta start again. And the crowd just thinks it's you know, and like when we tour with the PBJ tour with Jason and Rich, it's like a jam sesh. We fuck up all the time. And it's part of the fun and it's part of the discovery. It takes the heat out of it, and it makes me feel like this is what music should be. Music should be joy, it should not be anxiety. I still remember the first time Lisa sang, and I remember all the actors backstage just being like, What? Like, not quite surprised, because you can hear Lisa's voice and her singing voice. And so you you hear her and you're like, she better fucking sing, or I'm gonna kill her. Because her the tone of her speaking voice is so uh just sultry, and it sounds like you just want to like poke her and she she can just start singing perfectly, or I just want to push the sing button.

SPEAKER_05 29:36

You're hilarious.

SPEAKER_03 29:37

Um you're hilarious, but yeah, she's such a man, she's such a star. I remember being backstage for that first performance. So nervous.

SPEAKER_05 29:46

Very exciting. So it's I still get so nervous to sing. I still get so nervous to sing, mainly because I I'm such a rehearser. So when I don't have rehearsal, I'm like, no, no, that's not fun.

SPEAKER_03 29:59

Do you know who I was talking to this year? Was Julie McNiven, who has come back on the circuit, and she's also a great singer. And I think I'm pretty sure she comes, Lisa, from the same background you and I, which is like musical theater. So therefore, lots of rehearsal and not, and so I remember talking to her about the in-ears. You go up there and the sound check is for you put one. I put one in. I think Lisa, do you wear them at all? I wear one.

SPEAKER_05 30:27

I wear one.

SPEAKER_03 30:28

Yeah, Kim doesn't wear any. Um, and I said, you just got to find a good, like while you're singing, look at your mic pack, find a good volume for you, make sure you can hear yourself. Like, this is what the sound check is for. Cause she had didn't know how to use, like, she knows how to use a microphone, but she doesn't know how to do it in that kind of. And I was just like, she was nervous about all of that stuff because she can sing her tits off. Um, she's great, but you know, it's a nerve-wracking thing to be like, okay, Lisa, your turn to get up in front of your peers and potentially fall in your face, especially if you are, you know, new to the circuit. That's a very, I think, you know, not everybody remembers how nerve-wracking that that is.

SPEAKER_05 31:14

Oh my God. Well, that's the hardest part. It's it's not failing, it's failing in front of people you love and respect.

SPEAKER_03 31:21

Yeah. Yeah. And potentially them going, oh, she's not as talented as I thought she was. Like that's okay. It's Brianna's last con, I guess. Brianna's last con, everyone.

SPEAKER_05 31:32

You know, I mean, it's it's so, it's so, it's so intimidating. It's very because you guys are all so, so good, and you're such a well-oiled machine. So it's like, I mean, it's the way that I came into the show. You're like, it's season 11. You're just like, oh, no pressure. No pressure, but whatsoever.

SPEAKER_03 31:50

The hilarity is that we're not a well-oiled machine, but I totally understand that's what it looks like. That's what it looked like to me when I came on. I was like, these guys have been doing it forever. This band's been together for 20 years. Like, I'm gonna fuck everything up, and they're all gonna quit the band and they're gonna blame me. No. No, just kidding. Lisa, I've for a second you were talking about. I mean, this was a long time ago, so I don't know. You were talking about potentially putting together a concert in Toronto. Do you ever think about that still?

SPEAKER_05 32:22

I do. I I actually am. I lost my voice, so I wasn't able to do it. I wanted to actually do a little something for the holidays, but I feel like I've lost my voice and it's it's more of a repair than I realize. So, like I had to be on vocal bed rest for a week, which I've never had to have happen before. Where it's like, no, I actually just couldn't talk. Like I was Yeah. How did you do that from being sick? Yeah, it was a little tickle in my throat, and I was in Germany. And so when I had to fly back, like the being on the flight with the dry air and the recycled air, and then you know what I mean? Like all every time being a little cold, it was like, ooh, that it just it just exasperated it. And so I came back and was like, You're on total vocal bed rest. I had to cancel like two auditions that I had because I was like, I can't like I can't even talk. That's how I was, and so they're like, Oh shit.

SPEAKER_03 33:11

It every time there's something overseas, if I have to sing, even in Rome, like I'm always just that that amount of like fatigue, especially if you're at a convention because you're talking a lot at a convention. You're not even if you're not partying, you're talking a lot, and it does use up, you know. You you only have so much lubrication in your vocal fold. So yeah, that sucks. But I'm glad that you you're very good at going. No, I would be like, Am I gonna make anybody mad? Is anybody mad at me?

SPEAKER_05 33:49

No, but it's I have been inspired to to really sing more because of supernatural. Like, like I said, like I I did, I didn't even utter a word of a note before I did my very first episode. Like, people were like, Oh, right, you sing. I was like, I mean, I guess so. If I have to, is how I always framed it. I was always, I'm an actor who sings, I'm not a singer. Don't refer to me as a singer, and please stop calling me a singer. And I had like at our agency, um, Sandy would always just give give the highest of praise. I was our first our first manager, and I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Undersell me, undersell me, under, under. Don't those expectations are too high. I know, you know what I mean? And I was like, no, no. She's like, she sounds like Tina Turner. I was like, I need you to stop. Stop stop. Oh my god. No, because then they're gonna expect that. That's not why I can you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 34:46

And so I would sound a bit like Tina Turner.

SPEAKER_05 34:49

Stop. But you know, I mean, her stuff like the surprise was how how how much her stuff sits in my voice so well because I've only ever sung along. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 35:00

What else is in what would you like in if in your heart of hearts? And don't ask me this because I don't have any answers, but what would you want to sing in your concert?

SPEAKER_05 35:09

Oh, like what do you sing when you're at home? Well, I mean, I definitely want to, I would, I would want to sing Proud Mary just because that was the song that started it all, you know, but it it wouldn't be the it wouldn't be the starter. Um, it's it's not yours to throw away. It was a sound, a song from Nashville, and it's all about how your gifts aren't yours to throw away, they're divinely given and a responsibility to share. I also would sing River Deep, Mount High, because that was like my kid's song that I absolutely love singing it. Let it rain by Amanda Marshall.

SPEAKER_03 35:44

I've thought about singing that before. Any Amanda Marshall represent. I tried to learn how to play that on guitar when I was in high school. I love Amanda Marshall. Love Amanda Marshall, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 35:56

Oh, yeah. I mean, it's uh it's if you're a 90s baby, you know. Oh, that's a great song for you. Any Amanda Marshall beautiful goodbye, that'd be good for you too. You know, yeah. So I mean I've got a couple of that's like totally your tone. Yeah, I've got a couple, I've got a couple of of songs that I would sing that uh that have stories attached to them that have a lot of meaning because of the time that I was singing them in my life, what they represent. Um, but I I am gonna put together a little con. I actually was like trying to think of like, I wonder if I could like fly people in so I could do like a song with people because like I'd want to sing with all the people who who brought who brought music because like I have a friend Stuart and he's an incredible musical theater performer and he's just about to start doing Juliet, and you know, and I'm so excited to see him in that. And he's just been this incredible talent that I've always known he's like when we went to he went to Shaw for his first time and and we we were there together, and I he was gonna do one of the cabaret nights, and everybody's like, What are you doing? And I'm like setting up my camera, and I was like, Well, y'all don't know he's about to throw uh down, and I want to be red D. And then when he started singing, people were like, What the fuck? And I was like, I got it all on camera, honey. Well, as you know, I like to get the things on the cams, and I God bless, God bless to get the things on the cams. So I I would love to have a concert where I'm able to like sing with you know, with you, with with him, with my the only vocal teacher who ever like really heard me, really saw me, Marcassius, and and we were doing a musical theater class, and my teacher Marcassius, who's incredible, um, I was singing and you know, doing all the things, and he's like, and it was like sharp flat, sharp flat, sharp flat. It was just the worst thing I ever sing. I think I was singing Colors of the Wind or something, and he was like, Oh, good song. It's great. Could you could you close your eyes and just sing like you're by yourself, like ignore all of us, you know? And he let me turn around and not do the classic musical theater thing that they were training us to do. And he was like, I just want you to sing from your heart, you know, which is something my mom would always say is like just sing from your heart and just see what happens, you know. And so I did. This was recently. No, no, this was in theater school. This was in theater school. Okay, and he was like, sing from your heart, and I did it. And he was just like, You didn't go sharp or flat once. See, like all up here. The pressure you put on yourself is gonna outweigh. And so he found me a song that I was like, I didn't even know I could do that. I didn't even know I had the capacity to do that. And he was just such a champion, like, because I really started to get down on my voice by the end of theater school that I was like, nobody even put me in the cabaret. And then somebody, you know, in in the faculty was like, This is crazy. Lisa needs a song. And I was like, okay. And they like rehearsed on, like, I've been so babied with my voice. And then people hear me sing and they they're like, uh, this isn't adding up. And I was like, you gotta understand how the mind can entrap you and enslave you into a way of thinking about yourself.

SPEAKER_03 39:09

And also like the things we were told, you know, like we were talking about at the beginning. It's like I was constantly told, look, I have a beautiful tone to my voice, it's unique, um, it's fun, it's, you know, all the things, but it does not I I know it does not sustain eight shows a week, and I know that through practice. And in order for me to sing eight shows a week, I would have to go on vocal rest. And I used to do that when I did musicals, I'd have to be on vocal rest all day long. And I was like, I cannot live my life like this, right? Being constantly on vocal rest. Like, if you ever hear stories about Adina Menzel when she was doing Wicked, she was like, I could not nap between shows because my voice would fall asleep. She had a steam, like a steam shower put in her apartment so that she could steam her voice every day. Like people do crazy things when they're on Broadway. Some people have, you know, leatherlungs who are just impenetrable. And that might be luck, that might be incredible training. I don't have either. So I didn't start singing like properly until I was in college. I didn't learn how to sing when I was little. I just sang off the radio. Um, but what I was gonna say is God, would it ever be nice? Like it was so nice to get an opportunity to sing musical theater song at Rockwood because Aaron was there and he also comes from, he was playing piano. He also comes from musical theater background, so he got it. Me wanting to sing waitress.

SPEAKER_05 40:41

But yeah, no, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna actually do it because I I would love golden because of because of, you know, Loud and Swain is just they're just incredible human beings. If you if you watch any video of me singing with them, all you see is me looking at Mike, just being like, Do I go now? Mike Borja, always.

SPEAKER_03 41:02

He's the best. Do you go now?

SPEAKER_05 41:03

Now is it now? Okay, now, okay.

SPEAKER_03 41:06

But he'll smile at you through the whole thing. He's not gonna be helpful in that way. He's the best.

SPEAKER_05 41:11

And he'll play it back until you're like, Are you ready? He like the good double Dutch. You know, you're just like, I got you, I got you. You come in when you're ready.

SPEAKER_03 41:20

Billy is always the one that I talk to about very specifically. Like, what do you think about this song? He's the one that I will pitch to, that will pitch songs to me. Everything gets okayed through Rob, of course. Mike and Norton are just such cheerleaders. Um, yeah, they're all so uniquely awesome and supportive. All of them.

SPEAKER_05 41:45

Because, like you said, the people who you're like, wow, I really like respect you. Like you've got an incredible voice, you've got an incredible power presence, like you do this. I'm faking it, you know, for the most part. But truly, because of them, I've I've been inspired to be like, I could I could sing more. I think I could do a lot.

SPEAKER_03 42:10

And doesn't it also make you go, maybe everybody's faking it? You know?

SPEAKER_05 42:15

Oh, of course, of course.

SPEAKER_03 42:17

You're like, all right, like I'm not sure if you're faking it actually. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 42:24

It is what you decide it to be, right? No, exactly. I mean, this this world has changed so much in my spirit because I really do think of it as a spiritual practice. It's something that I think the voice is so connected to, how we identify ourselves, how we create change in our lives by changing the way that we speak and the tones that we even use and connect to and resonate with. And now I'm at a place where I'm just like, okay, I can hear a compliment and be like, okay, thank you. Because I in my head, I'm like, they love to lie right to your face. Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_03 42:58

You're just saying that because you have to.

SPEAKER_05 43:00

You're just saying that to be nice. Like, I thought I think I thought somebody told you to say that. Jason was just trying to be nice for like a good year. I was like, until he was like, no, we should, if not for COVID, we probably would have made the album we were thinking about making. And it was like, you know, until until up until about that point, I was just like, you can stop lying to my face, Jason. I have to do the concept for matter while I can tell.

SPEAKER_03 43:24

I know Jason well enough now because we've worked together so much personally, just him and I, that I can tell when it's a genuine compliment now. Between the differences, and that's not because he'll be like, it's not because he'll say something nice when I've actually sung terribly. That's just not, he's just would. If I sang terribly, he wouldn't say anything. If I sang fine and good, he'd be like, good job, you know, high five me or nice work or whatever it is. But if I sing well to the point where he's like, there's like a bit of a proud papa moment, he'll go, that's how you should always sing. He'll say something like that. And that's that feels good. Yeah. That's what you should always say.

SPEAKER_05 44:05

He's never said that to me.

SPEAKER_03 44:07

And it's always. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 44:11

Never heard that. Okay. I'm just fucking with you. He has not ever said that, but I I think it's probably unique to have a person.

SPEAKER_03 44:21

I think that's a me personal one because he knows. I mean, I don't, I don't know if you and him, I don't know your relationship. He knows that I have a hard time taking a compliment. Or if he was to give me a note, I'd rip his head off. Like he and I are pretty tight at this point. So it's hard to take a compliment or a note from him. So he has to like maneuver ways to do it. Poor guy. He's fine. This was something I was going to say is that this year I found it quite challenging finding songs for Saturday Special. I'm different than Lisa in the way that I get really kind of bored with singing the same song. So I'll sing it once, twice, maybe three times, and I'll be like, new song, time for a new song. Unless it's like really like the perfect song for me, and then I like, I can sing the shit out of it. But this year I was like, I need a new song. Billy and I, I kept pitching Billy, pitching Billy. And he's like, no, no, no. Um, and then he was like, at this point, it really only makes sense to sing songs from Supernatural. So he and I went through on, I don't know, Apple Music or whatever, like we tried to find all the songs that were on Supernatural, and there's a lot of them. And that's how we came up with Fat Bottom Girls, because it was actually on Supernatural. So, yes, we have been through it all, and that's how it's influenced. There's lots of songs I would like to sing, but they're either like too karaoke or I've never heard of them because I'm a generation behind everybody because I'm just I'm just little.

SPEAKER_05 45:50

I adore you so much. Uh I I'm like, let me just sing the same song over and over. Let let me let me make this my I will always love you. You know what I mean? That's that's where my brain is. And it's like, I still remember when I get a message from Rob and he's like, hey, Jensen wants to do blow tonight. I was like, what are you trying to do to me, people? You're trying to set me up to fail, is what you're trying to do. You're you're trying to make me look stupid. I see, I see your game now. You know, I I have I I would love to record O Death again, like properly, and really make it my own this time, and and not sing it from a place of like, I hope I don't fuck it up, you know? Um, because I'm such a different singer now than I am than I was when I first started, that it would just be a completely different song. And it would have different energy and a different vibe, and there's just so much more that I could do with it because I just I feel like I could fly in the song now, more more so before where I felt like I needed the wings of you know, to be made for me and and to have so much support and just felt incredibly insecure. Um, and I also knew what that song meant. And and when I when I joined the show, I was like, I wonder if I'm death. Because like this is a song that introduces death. Do you know what I mean? Like, as a fan of the show, you start making up stories in your head because I'm like, well, technically, I mean, this was a song that brought death on, and this is I know that you just got killed. Carry the one, it makes sense, you know. But and I always played it as if I thought I was death. So when I became death, I was like, shut up. I you manifested it. What? Like it was just so wild, which is a whole other story in itself of how I found out about that. But I mean, in my mind, I know how cast, when I first got cast, I thought this has to be the new death. This has I may I must be. I mean, I don't know how, I mean, maybe not. This doesn't make any sense, but maybe I don't know. Why would you use this song? Like, I just started doing all the actor questions when especially when you know the show, you can't help but go down that avenue. But that would be one song that I would love to come back to and just do it proper.

SPEAKER_03 48:08

I would like to hear that.

SPEAKER_11 48:20

Now for the show's credits. This season is a co-production between Denim Wrapped Nightmares and In Defense of Fandom.

Sadie Witkowski 48:29

Cover art for In Defense of Fandom was designed by Liz Hand.

SPEAKER_11 48:34

Cover art for Denim Wrapped Nightmares was designed by Rain Zielman.

Sadie Witkowski 48:39

Music featured in this episode was by Brianna Buckmaster. See links to her music and more in the show notes.

LA 48:46

If you've enjoyed this collaboration, we want to know.

Sadie Witkowski 48:53

And while you're at it, make sure you're subscribed to both shows so you never miss an episode.

SPEAKER_11 48:58

Also, a review on Apple Podcasts wouldn't hurt either. See you next episode. Bye.

SPEAKER_00 49:21

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SPEAKER_08 49:46

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SPEAKER_09 49:48

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SPEAKER_11 50:21

You're listening to the Geekscape Network.