EP 43 Meet Heather Lowe: Empowering Sobriety Through Self-Care and Trust

Have you ever wondered how much potential lies within you, hidden beneath the numbing effects of alcohol? Today, we're exploring this with the inspiring Heather Lowe, the creator of 'Ditched the Drink', and a beacon of sobriety for almost six years. Heather, a testament to the transformative power of an alcohol-free lifestyle, shares her journey from self-doubt to self-discovery, outlining how sobriety is not just about steering clear of alcohol, but about self-care, trusting yourself, and finding healthier coping mechanisms for stress and grief.

Heather takes us into her inspiring story as a high-achieving woman navigating sobriety. She opens up about the evolution of her business, offering a candid view into her role as a sober coach, mentor, and corporate trainer on alcohol. Heather also provides a peek into the reality of sobriety, highlighting how it's about tuning into yourself and trusting your own judgment, rather than surrendering to the siren call of alcohol.

As we wade into the holiday season, Heather also illuminates how a sober lifestyle can infuse more joy into our lives than we ever thought possible. She offers a fresh perspective on celebrating this special time of year without the crutch of alcohol, sharing invaluable tips on reinventing traditions and honoring those we miss. With her unique insights and life-affirming advice, Heather is poised to help you see sobriety in a completely new, empowering light. Join us in this profound conversation and be prepared to perceive sobriety as the key to unlocking a fuller, freer, and more authentic self.

Get in touch with Heather!
Website | Instagram | Facebookd
Blog Post: Are Alcohol-Free Drinks a Tool or a Trigger?


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Transcript

Deb: 0:01

Welcome, friends, and welcome to the Thriving Alcohol Free Podcast. I'm your host, Deb, otherwise known as Mocktail Mom, a retired wine drinker that finally got sick and tired of spinning on Life's Broken Record called Detox to Retox. Let this podcast be an encouragement to you. If alcohol is maybe a form of self-care for you or you find yourself dragging through the day waiting to pour another glass, I am excited to share with you the fun of discovering new things to drink when you aren't drinking and the joy of waking up each day without a hangover. It is an honor to serve as your sober fun guide, so sit back and relax or keep doing whatever it is you're doing. This show is produced for you with love from the great state of Kentucky. Thanks so much for being here and big time cheers, All right. Hey, friends, it's Deb. Welcome back to Thriving Alcohol Free.

Deb: 0:52

I have a very special guest today. I'm so excited she and I met Gosh. It's been a long time. I followed her on Instagram for a long time, actually, when I was first sober and sober, curious on sober window shopping. So I can't wait for you guys to meet Heather Lowe. Her Instagram handle is ditched the drink. So if you're not following her please follow along ditched the drink. She just was awarded a top sober coach by the Coach Foundation. Has nothing to do with the purses, the coach purses, the Coach Foundation.

Heather: 1:21

I would get the Kate Spade Award if that was the case.

Deb: 1:23

If that was the case, okay, so if it was that, yes, I would get the Costco Award if it was about the purses Kirkland yes, kirkland brand. I even have the sweatshirts. Okay, heather, thank you for joining me today. You are like dialing in from Vegas, which is not where you live. You're out there and I can't wait to talk to you about being sober in Vegas, your experiences out there and what you're up to as a sober coach and what you're doing. So how long have you been alcohol free?

Heather: 1:49

It's been almost six years now, that's so fun to say Thank you for asking. Yeah, I love it when you say you followed me when you just started on this sober, curious journey. A lot of people say that I've been following you for quite some time and it's fun to grow together and it's been really fun to witness your growth, deb, and everything that you're doing and all the energy and fun that you put into the sober life. I love it. I love to be a witness to your growth too.

Deb: 2:16

Thank you, I appreciate that, but I mean I really need it. I remember following. I mean I still follow your cable. I remember fall. I just remember in the beginning and it was like oh my gosh. So we did an Instagram live together and now to have you on the podcast feels very full circle. So you've been a big encouragement to me on my alcohol free journey. A huge encouragement so, yes, okay. So tell everybody what you do as a sober coach.

Heather: 2:41

Yeah, so I love it. So my background is actually in social work. I have a degree in social work, but I very quickly changed to human resources. So most of my career was in selling HR solutions locally, nationally and globally.

Deb: 2:57

Did you work for ADP? Did we talk about?

Heather: 2:59

this I did. They weren't ADP at the time.

Deb: 3:01

Yeah, they were I sold payroll for them way back in the day.

Heather: 3:05

Yes, that's hysterical.

Deb: 3:08

We both probably still have our.

Heather: 3:09

ADP swag. Okay, all right. So you, I'm in Vegas, actually for my husband's like payroll basic, but anyway, he sells global payroll.

Deb: 3:14

But anyways yeah, that is so funny Make sure you get the FICA tax right.

Heather: 3:18

Yeah, I'm not passionate about payroll, so actually when I got sober I couldn't go back. I was in between jobs and I just couldn't go back to the same work that I had been doing, my social work. Heart was really calling me. So I got certified as a coach and I got more and more certifications as a coach and so and I started my own business, ditched the drink and it started with an online program to help people like me, like high achieving women, who didn't see options. Maybe that wanted maybe a more holistic and non-traditional way to explore their relationship with alcohol without committing to forever. And for me it felt like the options were AA or rehab and I wasn't sure either of those were the right thing for me. So, putting together everything that I learned in my very clumsy on off journey to freedom from alcohol, it started with sober experiments and on and off drinking for about three years before my last day one. But anyways, after I was maybe one year sober, I started to drink. I just I wanted to help other women like me. So that's how that began and then got certified as a coach and all that good stuff, and now I do a lot of things.

Heather: 4:27

I coach one on one. I have a membership, I have a community Awesome. Yes, I also train the corporate world on alcohol in the workplace. So it's sort of come full circle in that way. And I recruit coaches to the certification program that I did, and now very recently I've launched a business course for coaches. So now I also mentor and coach other coaches. So it's really full circle, because I have clients now that have been sober for a couple of years and then they want to be a coach, so I recruit them to this program and then they're like okay, now that I'm certified, how do I start a business? And I teach them how to do that. So it's just this beautiful way of getting like building our sober empire right, our alcohol, free phone, and how it's changed so much hasn't it?

Deb: 5:13

I mean, well, let's see Six years ago, so right, you mentioned like AA or rehab, those were kind of the choices that helped. Did it hold you back, thinking that was your only option or one of your only options, feeling that way?

Heather: 5:25

Yeah. So now, knowing what I know, I think those are really great options.

Deb: 5:30

And I should Absolutely yeah.

Heather: 5:33

I was too scared to do that at the time. Now I think those are really good options so, but it for me a barrier to getting help was feeling like I wasn't that bad being in the middle lane kind of drinker. It felt like I have to declare I have this big, huge problem and, being a perfectionist, I never wanted anything to be wrong with me. So defending my drinking, protecting my drinking, denying my drinking that was all part of the shtick for me. So I didn't. I mean going to AA or REAP would be to admit that I had a problem with alcohol and I desperately did not want to do that and I didn't want to be defined by that.

Deb: 6:14

Now.

Heather: 6:15

I have a different way to see that. Right now I'm like I absolutely alcohol wasn't absolute problem for me and think that I got out.

Deb: 6:23

Yeah, yeah, seriously.

Heather: 6:25

But I didn't want to admit that at the time when I was exploring, so it took. It took some time.

Deb: 6:30

It takes time. It does take time. I remember my daughter saying something like you know, like, oh, you drink wine every night, you know. And I was like no, I don't, you know. There's like at the end of my drinking career, you know like, yes, I did you know, during. Covid.

Heather: 6:42

Well, one night each month I don't, because I'm hungover.

Deb: 6:46

Yes, yes, exactly You're wrong, you're very wrong.

Heather: 6:50

Yes exactly I know.

Deb: 6:53

That's so true.

Heather: 6:54

I wanted to keep alcohol in my life, definitely, but I didn't know, and I think this is like very much part of what you're doing, your mission and mine. What I didn't know, and that what I want everyone to know, is that life is really beautiful and life is really fun, and I think, like fun is a top value for you and me.

Deb: 7:15

I mean, I could see it in you Fun Totally, I bring the fun, yeah. Yeah, we're going into the hospital, we're still bringing the fun, yeah.

Heather: 7:22

Right, right. So I wanted to keep a life of fun. It felt like I wouldn't be fun if I let go of alcohol. But I had it wrong, clearly, and now I got it straight and a life of sobriety is really, really fun. Being free from alcohol is absolutely more fun. And yeah, I'm here in Vegas sober. It's probably my fourth or fifth time sober in Vegas and I love it. It's totally different.

Deb: 7:46

Let's talk about yes, let's talk about being in Vegas sober, because probably most of us know what it's like to be in Vegas, maybe overindulge, which?

Heather: 7:55

I've always done. We don't have to go into all the details of that, right To be clear, I've definitely done that, yeah, but that actually is like it's just different, right, like the whole mode is different. So when you're drinking, you're on this like up energy, like this hustle, anxiety. Well, for me anyways, of like getting my drinks, acquiring my drinks, having my drinks, and it was almost like a rush of like adrenaline to procure drinks and get more drinks and more drinks, and it was a little bit living on the edge of like, was I going to be able to hold it together or not, or how long was I going to last, or was anyone going to be mad at me? Or was I going to be able to stumble myself home Not every day, right, like sitting on the couch in my safe environment, you know, whatever, but going out, fun, fun times, people to drink with how is this going to go?

Heather: 8:46

And so there was maybe a excitement to that chaos, which I called fun, and then recovering from drinking, like to cover up for the fact that I was physically miserable and mentally and spiritually miserable also, that shame and that anxiety and everything that comes from that, blowing it off, being like punch drunk, silly hangover Like. But there was part of that that I looked forward to because, as a busy mom and an overachiever and an overfunctioner in a lot of ways a hangover was an excuse for a day off and I didn't give myself permission to have that in any other way. So even a hangover could have been a little bit welcome, as miserable as it was.

Deb: 9:27

I follow you. Yeah, that makes perfect sense. Yeah, it's like okay, I can't do certain things today. I am checking, I am clocking out. Yeah, Well, in the glass of wine is a check out too.

Heather: 9:36

It says I'm not available for connection anymore, I'm not available to be productive anymore. This is a sign to leave me alone because I need a break. So of course we go to it. It makes sense. But when you're sober so like now I trust myself. So when I go walk the strip or I'm going through the casinos, I don't have to worry if I'm going to teeter on the edge of anything. I know I'm going to act in integrity with myself all night long. I'm going to stay with myself all night long. I'm not pouring alcohol on me and then abandoning all my values and the things that really matter to me and the way I would, as a drinker, calling it funny and fun and all that stuff.

Deb: 10:18

Right, we're just having a good time and we're away and yeah, yeah, I like what you just said, like I'm not abandoning myself. I never thought of it really that way, like that when I would drink, I was, I was abandoning myself, not just like the reality of, you know, stress of life, but I was abandoning myself.

Heather: 10:34

Definitely. Yeah Well, what's come to me even more is that and the learning when you get alcohol free just keeps going. It's like an onion that just keeps you keep getting deeper and deeper into the layers, right, but I'm seeing now how alcohol of course we can pour alcohol on ourselves to tolerate situations that we don't want to be in it's a numbing agent to do that. But I didn't know how to stand up for myself. I didn't know how to say this isn't for me or I don't want to do this, or even with like FOMO, let's say, like now, walking around sober, it's like it appears that everyone's having so much fun or should be having so much fun, especially in Vegas. And what if you're not having all that fun, then is there something wrong with you or something? But it's not all that fun, right, it's not all that fun. It's just getting more drinks and more drinks and more drinks, until you lose your mind. I mean that I see a lot of that happening Absolutely.

Deb: 11:26

Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah. And I think you had something on your Instagram just talking about sobriety as like a practice like yoga. Can you talk about that for a minute, cuz I think that's so such a good analogy. You know that it's, as he just said, like you go deeper and deeper and keep peeling back those onions.

Heather: 11:41

Yeah, and you build your muscle. You build your sober muscle, so you might not be ready for heavy lifting, like in my first week of sobriety. I might not be in Vegas. That might not be the right environment for me, because my muscle is just gonna do a little lift. You know, it's just gonna try to walk past the wine. I love the grocery store and even that might be a lot. Right, you're, you're so right, you're so right.

Deb: 12:01

Yeah, because the first beginning it was like just walking past it to get to all the non-alcoholic stuff in the back of the store was like that took everything in me to not buy. You know my old lovers, josh and Kim Crawford, you know. But but yeah, now it doesn't take a lot of muscle. It's like, okay, this is just what we do, you just walk right past, don't think too much of it.

Heather: 12:19

Yeah, and I mean sobriety. It's another word for awakening or healing, or Tuning in to yourself, not ignoring yourself anymore, not abandoning yourself. So that is a practice and that I Don't feel like I'm at risk to just go to the bar and get a drink, because I tune into what's going on inside of me and if I'm feeling Discomfort then I figure out a way to call that out and comfort myself. I have a different tool set. Jumping ship on me will never be the option anymore. So that doesn't mean I don't feel discomfort, because I do.

Heather: 13:00

Of course, Of course I learn how to take care of myself through discomfort, and discomfort could be grief. The holidays are coming up. That brings up a lot of grief. For me and a lot of people it could be anxiety, definitely. I feel very anxious about a lot of things a lot of us do, and it doesn't mean that feeling those things. It means taking care of myself through them instead of just pouring alcohol on it.

Deb: 13:21

Oh yeah, okay. So like for grief, what like for your clients and stuff, and they're going through and myself, my parent, both my parents passed away in the fall. This is a hard time and in the beginning of the first couple years, when they passed, both passed away, I drank, me was still drinking. Now I feel it all and the fall is hard. I love the fall season like I love that leaves change, like it's one of my favorite seasons, but it brings grief. Yes, I am feeling and I want to feel it. I don't want to leave my sobriety. I'm not leaving it, but it's like what tools do you give to your clients? You know to kind of, I don't know, continue to manage that. I don't know. I don't know what the right word is.

Heather: 13:59

Yeah, so in my story Grief, I didn't allow myself to feel it. I told myself to get over it, and it's because I did the eulogies for like a bunch of loved ones in a short amount of time, and so I wanted to perform, I wanted to do a good job, I wanted you know, yeah so, and I didn't want to be a blubbering mess for that. So I I didn't allow myself to feel, I did the eulogies very beautifully, and then I told myself get over it.

Deb: 14:25

It's over, it's done.

Heather: 14:26

Yeah, yeah. So a key thing is You're not gonna get over it. You never will. You're forever changed and you Absolutely, and that's proof of love and for you doubly in your parents you were forever changed. Having lost them, you should feel that of course, you should let that grief walk alongside you and tend to it. So I just had a in my membership. We do masterclasses and I just had a grief expert there to walk us through and grief tending.

Heather: 14:53

So how can you tend to your grief? And if it's this fall season, are there things that you can do to remember your parents, to celebrate their life, to let that grief walk alongside you in a way that feels special to you? Right, and it's not getting over it, it's not forgetting about it and not crying is not proof of growth or healing or freedom or anything. Recognizing when that starts to bubble up and then taking the time to address it over and over again Every single time it comes forever. And me too, with my loved ones, right, a certain song comes on the radio and there I am again and it's like I can't ignore it and I'm not gonna pour alcohol on this. I need to make some time to tend to this, right.

Deb: 15:38

That's such I mean I'm tearing up, I mean just it's such good advice to tend to it and to allow the grief to walk alongside of you, because all of us have grief of some sort. You know from something whether it's a lost relationship or truly you know losing a loved one or something, but it's like to allow that to walk alongside of us, because pouring alcohol on it is not gonna change anything, right, and we're meant to feel that. Who would we be if?

Heather: 16:02

not feel that right. Like I always think that if someone, even the news, even the loss you're seeing on the news these days, like whatever it is, like you said, grief comes in so many forms and some of my clients come and feel like they're doing something wrong for feeling a certain way, and I think isn't that an appropriate way to feel in that situation, like wouldn't you feel sad if you lost a parent that you love? Like that's a perfectly appropriate way to feel. So why are you denying yourself?

Deb: 16:30

Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's a silly part. Sometimes it's like well, I'm 52, you know, it's like no, like I still need my mom. Like there's things that happen in my life and I still think, like like the first thing I'll think is like I should call my mom. Like no, I can't call my mom. She's been gone seven years.

Heather: 16:45

Right you know, but yeah but I hope you talk to her, though you still you can't call her, but you can still talk to her.

Deb: 16:50

Oh yeah, yeah, there's. There's little things that'll happen, you know, and I'm just like it's just, I know she's well, I know where she is and I'm so thankful I can grieve with hope, like I just am so thankful that I know where she is and I will see her again.

Heather: 17:01

It feels like a group of love too, like to acknowledge the missing and the whole that that's left right.

Deb: 17:08

Yep, and that nothing will fill Like as there's so many wonderful people in my life but there's you only have one mom, I only have one mom. You know not everybody has one mom. You know what I mean. Like there's nobody will be her.

Heather: 17:18

And accepting that. I think a lot of suffering is when we don't accept something or we demand it to be different. And of course you want your mom back, you want her to be here next to you, you want to give her a call. But I think that acceptance of that does relieve some of the suffering. Right, like she's not coming back for you to call right now, and if you can accept that, then that relieves some of the suffering, but you should. I think grief is part of human experience and the whole spectrum, and this is so beautiful, nat, to be numb to it. Right, like to be alive, the full experience of being human, living life.

Deb: 17:53

I agree and I'm so thankful to have that grief because it means of what wonderful relationships we had and what what a wonderful mom and dad I had. I had the best parents. Oh my gosh, I had the best parents. Yeah, I would just absolutely won the lottery.

Heather: 18:05

So and so do your kids. So also it does this thing of like turning it around the other way, like these moments are precious and you had the best mom and you can turn around and be the best mom, knowing that our moments are fleeting no matter what right Exactly, exactly, our days are numbered, absolutely.

Deb: 18:22

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Deb: 19:08

Giesen comes from the Marble region of New Zealand, widely available in global markets. If I can get it here in Kentucky, you could probably find it where you are to. I hope you love it. Okay, I'm going to try not to cry now. Okay, now that we had a therapy session. Okay, thank you, I wasn't expecting it, but when you talked about that I was like okay, I would like to lean into that. Can we talk for a second? What?

Heather: 19:28

do you tell your?

Deb: 19:28

clients. Heather, what do you tell your clients? Not that I'm really interested, but if you, if I, was a client, what would you tell me?

Heather: 19:36

Ask for a friend. Can I ask for a friend?

Deb: 19:38

I have a friend who, in the fall, is hard for her. I love it. She's going to be nameless. Okay, I really just want to chat with you about like your work that you're doing about encouraging people, especially as the holidays are coming. So are there any like tips and tricks that you would give to people as they're maybe planning to go to parties, show up to events, you know, anything that you would recommend as the holidays are coming?

Heather: 20:01

Yes, get support. I mean simple as that. So the other thing is we don't really want to admit we might have a problem with alcohol, and then we don't really want to ask for help, and then we don't really want to invest in support. So I know if you're like me, you want to, let's say, get sober secretly on the side, without anybody really knowing about this. But I'll tell you I don't really see people succeed that way. So tell somebody, tell one person. Tell one person that you can trust. If you don't have that person in your life, tell me that's fine online, yeah, fine.

Deb: 20:36

Yeah.

Heather: 20:36

I get out loud to somebody that you're struggling and that opens the floodgates for a lot of help and healing. And there's nothing wrong with you. Alcohol is doing what alcohol is supposed to do and your body is reacting the way your body is supposed to react. So if you can remove the blame and shame and just say, hey, I'm struggling with this and I don't know what the outcome looks like, I don't know what the long game is, but I want to take a break, right, I'm looking at taking a break from alcohol and I could use some support and then keep getting more support. It's always the answer is to add in more. When we think about making a change, there's a process, and some of it is this pre contemplation, and that's when we're researching things. We're starting to explore where we would call that being sober, curious, right, yeah.

Heather: 21:24

I was window shopping Window shopping and that's part of the stage of change, so that's a really wonderful place to be. If you're not seeing the kind of results that you want, you can go a step further. If you've been reading some books and listening to some podcasts, maybe now you want to say it all out to somebody. Maybe you want an accountability buddy. Maybe you want to download an app and count days. Maybe you want to ask your partner to support you, whatever that looks like. But I have to say this is not a commercial for coaching, but I'm a huge fan of coaching. Coaching in general. It is transformative. It takes you from where you are and brings you to where you want to be.

Heather: 22:03

I witness this change happening every day with my clients. It's not just because I'm an award-winning coach. It's because when you start to show up for yourself and you add in that accountability and support and you invest time and money and prioritize your well-being, and when you work with a coach, it's a partnership. The coach isn't telling you what to do. The coach is asking you questions. So you come to your own ahas. They're shining a light for you to see for yourself what you want to do and what you need to do next and you start doing that and your life changes and it changes in these micro shifts and steps. It's not like all at once, it's just these little changes in these little shifts and you will succeed.

Deb: 22:47

You will succeed at what you want, like you said, shining the light. I mean, you just think of it like you're just in front of your client, you're just holding the light for that next step, next step, okay, next one, next one. You're not shining this big, huge spotlight down the road. This is where you have to be tomorrow. No, you walk with them each step of the way and to make those they are. They're micro changes and you don't realize it, like day one, I didn't realize, like all those little tiny changes, how it's gotten me to where I am today. Totally Over a thousand days, yeah, yeah.

Heather: 23:18

I love it. I love it, I mean.

Deb: 23:20

I didn't think I was going to make it to the first weekend, heather. I mean really, I just oh it's excruciating at first for sure. Yes, yes, so yeah, but having a coach, having an accountability partner, and I think, like you said, saying it out loud and just saying like I need help or I just want to take a little break, you don't have to declare anything, you can just say I just want to take a little break.

Heather: 23:38

Mm-hmm, it's a wonderful way to start.

Deb: 23:39

Yeah, it's huge. Okay, so you're in Vegas. What are you drinking while you're there? Are there mocktails on the menu? I don't mean, like, what are you drinking? Right, this very second, but you're right.

Heather: 23:48

Right, like obviously I'm just a drink, but I'm really just a siolkle because I always have, like I've got 12 drinks around me at all times.

Deb: 23:55

I have the same way I'm drinking Sometimes. I have a hot tea, I have a frithistic, I have a mocktail. I know what's going on. I have a couple drinks at a time, yeah.

Heather: 24:03

Totally so. I'm staying at the Casino Palatine and they have the chandelier bar, which is very beautiful.

Deb: 24:09

Okay, I had a spicy mojito there, an alcohol mojito.

Heather: 24:14

They have two delicious mocktails on their menu and you get to order them by name, whatever it is.

Deb: 24:18

They didn't have it on the menu when I was there.

Heather: 24:20

Oh, they do now. So I love the chandelier bar Always, always do that. So my first year of sobriety. First of all, I didn't have any alcohol-free alternatives or anything like that.

Deb: 24:31

Okay, was it like a trigger to you? Did you feel like it would be?

Heather: 24:34

Okay, yeah, okay, yeah. Well, first of all, there wasn't that many options.

Deb: 24:37

Yeah, yeah, and I wasn't oh duals, yeah yeah.

Heather: 24:39

Yeah, yeah so, or beer in general. So there was that. But I was on a club soda and lime thing and so I needed a drink in my hands, like immediately, like desperately, like to save my life. Like we would show up and I would just start kicking my husband to get me a club soda in my hand, or I was bound to just start drinking right, or I was going to go get a drink.

Heather: 25:00

Yes, I needed it and then it sort of shifted and I have a blog about like. Are alcohol-free drinks for you or not A reason, a season, a lifetime, whatever? So that's definitely something to check out. But now I love them and I love them all. Then I went crazy with like. I'm going to order Every single time I see something on the menu an alcohol-free alternative. I'm going to order it, right, Like just because I can. And you know I want to support everything the sober momentum and all that good stuff. Now, at year six, it's sort of cool because it's like I drink what I want when I want. First of all, I don't have to have a drink in the same way Like I do typically keep my palate wet, but yeah, same, same, same. I'm the same way. But sometimes it's a coffee and sometimes it's a diet coke, right. And sometimes I'm in the mood for a very ice, cold, alcohol-free beer, and sometimes I wanna speck the ginger, and sometimes I love groovy. I'm a huge fan of groovy.

Deb: 25:58

They're so good.

Heather: 25:59

Wine at home in their sangria, which they're out of all the time. If you can ever grab it, do it. So true, it's really good in the cans. Yes, it's very nice.

Heather: 26:06

Yes, so you know, but it's sort of like sometimes I love a taste of a root beer, you know, or sometimes I want a milkshake, so it could be, and sometimes I don't need anything. So it's just changed over the years, I would say. But in Vegas there are drinks, there are alcohol-free drinks and there's just so much fun to be had. The center isn't even about drinking. For me is the thing it's like. It's the shows and the spas and the food and the people watching.

Deb: 26:33

I was gonna say, I was just about to say the people watching, like if you do nothing else in Vegas, just watch the people.

Heather: 26:38

You'll be entertained.

Deb: 26:40

Yeah, the shoes.

Heather: 26:41

I mean, oh yeah, the shoes. The shoes, yeah, yeah, and I love like music, so there's, I mean, it's just there's always a part and I love the pretty, I'm a pretty girl Same.

Heather: 26:51

So I love to dance and I love to hang out with people and I love to go out and I love to socialize and all of that stuff. And then also I'm not beating a dead horse, like when I'm done and I've had enough, I'm happy to jump into bed All comfy, cozy, I'm happy to wash my face and get back to my book and wake up, because I always have something to look forward to. As a sober person and as a drinker, I was like desperate in each moment not ending. I never wanted to end a party because I didn't like my life. I didn't know what I was gonna wake up to. I was gonna wake up to hating myself again. So I like had to stay in that moment. And now I don't. I'm like this is good, I've had fun, I've got things to look forward to tomorrow.

Deb: 27:31

Check, please Going home. Yeah, I like that. You said washing my face, because how many nights did I not wash my face? Right, because I was like I'm just like next thing I know I wake up and I'm like oh, I'm in the bed, surprise, right.

Heather: 27:42

Well, I think I usually try to use a white, but now I've got a four step nighttime, oh good.

Deb: 27:47

Good. Yes, we should call it a sober nighttime routine, skincare routine. It really is, because it's not just the sober glow from not drinking, it's just from taking better care of ourselves, right.

Heather: 27:58

Yeah, we have the energy to do that and we are prioritizing ourselves and it feels good to feel good. So that's the other thing. Even if you're not drinking huge amounts, drinking at any level has negative health consequences and it doesn't feel good to not feel good. It's like they say if you have your health, you have every wish in the world, and if you know that, you know this one than anyone on the journey you've been through if you don't have your health, you have one wish.

Deb: 28:23

You have nothing. It's your health, yeah, and there's no amount of money in the world no amount of money in the world, right that can buy you a kidney, I mean whatever. Whatever it is we need. You need a bone marrow transplant, I mean whatever, right. So it's like, yeah, if you have your health, you have everything.

Heather: 28:38

And it feels good to feel good so you can be a live awake, enthusiastic, alcohol-free. It actually feels better than recovering from drinking or covering up some of your issues with drinking. It's only making them worse, and even one drink you know it's giving you negative health consequences, so it really feels good to remove it. I think that that's what I would love for people to know is that being sober is super fun. It's super bright light, it's like the best time ever because you're acting in integrity with yourself and you're even more free because you're not gonna embarrass yourself, because you're always acting in alignment. So you can have the time of your life dancing on the tabletops at the Chandelier Bar and feel totally aligned. You know, not have any regrets the next morning and be full of shame. There's no negative consequences from living out loud and being yourself and having as much fun as you want. It feels pure, it feels beautiful.

Deb: 29:36

I agree. I agree, it feels good to feel good, mm-hmm.

Heather: 29:40

Yeah.

Deb: 29:40

Yeah, oh, my gosh. Okay, Heather, this was wonderful, Thank you, thank you. I feel like is there any last bit of advice you wanna give to somebody who is maybe window shopping? So right out, you said a coach. So yes, that would be.

Heather: 29:55

And then for the holidays. Romanticize, like your most beautiful sober life, like you know you really want it. So like. What would that look like for you and what do you really love? And it's okay to change traditions. It's okay if things don't look the same as they did in the past. You know, maybe it's making a snowman, or maybe it's decorating, or maybe it's candy cane teeth sipping at night, or maybe it's a new project that you're, a new craft that you're gonna work on, or maybe it's adding meaning to the people that you're missing in your life, you know. Maybe it's having a special ceremony, or lighting certain candles or singing certain songs, or including them your loved ones, maybe having an altar of sorts to include your loved ones in your holiday planning.

Heather: 30:36

And what would it look like if you were free from alcohol? Because, as a drinker, I went through the holidays exhausted on top of exhausted. I just went from one party to the next drug, my little family around with me, completely exhausted, drinking through the whole thing, waking up and recovering from drinking by more drinking. And tis the season for that, right, but it doesn't have to be that way you can wake up with clear eyes and a full heart and make really meaningful memories for yourself and your family and visualize yourself as the movie star, main character, energy, right, like how do you want to love the book and how do you want to show up? Visualize that, start going with that.

Heather: 31:16

Obviously, get yourself a coach if you can, but just the best things about sobriety. Don't think of what you're letting go of, which is just alcohol. It's also like hangovers and shame and things. Yeah, there's a long list, but what do you want to go towards? What are you going to move towards? And let that forward pull, be the magnet that attracts you to what you really want? Of course you're going to want a drink. What do you want more than a drink? A beautiful morning, a memory with your kid, feeling pride? Go towards what you want more than alcohol.

Deb: 31:50

That's such great advice. Okay, I'm so, so glad that we record this today. This is perfect timing for Thanksgiving and Christmas, hanukkah all the holidays coming up so this is really, really perfect timing for us to record together. So, thank you, heather. I wish you all the best Congratulations to your first coach who graduated from your program. Right, you have a graduate. You didn't have a brand new graduate, yes, so congratulations to you on just being such an amazing coach and coaching the coaches.

Heather: 32:15

Yeah, thank you so much for everything that you're doing. Thank you for letting me be on the show. You have such a big audience. That's so cool I love it. I have so much fun, oh, and people love you, they just see it and they love you.

Deb: 32:25

It's been so fun, thank you. You're a legend. You're an idol. Now, crazy lady, I'm an embarrassment to my children.

Heather: 32:33

You know you make them proud Me too. Maybe that I can say I don't love.

Deb: 32:37

But oh, thank you, Heather. Thank you Big time. Cheers to you for tuning in to the Thriving Alcohol Free Podcast. I hope you will take something from today's episode and make one small change that will help you to thrive and have fun in life without alcohol. If you enjoyed this episode and you'd like to help support the podcast, please share it with others, post about it on social, send up a flare or leave a rating and a review. I am cheering for you as you discover the world of non-alcoholic drinks and as you journey towards authentic freedom. See you in the next episode.