EP 53 A Sober Girl’s Guide to Letting Go of the Old You and Embracing Growth

Ever been at a crossroads, torn between the comfort of old habits and the challenge of personal growth? Well, join us for a chat with Jessica from A Sober Girl's Guide. She spills the beans on her seven-year sobriety journey, sharing the real deal on the enduring challenges and revelations of living alcohol-free. Jessica's story goes beyond kicking a habit—it's a raw exploration of peeling away layers to reveal intricate patterns that call for attention and commitment to personal development. Sobriety, she says, isn't a cure-all, but a gateway to deeper self-awareness, with relationships as our compass through life's twists and turns.

But this episode isn't just about the tough stuff—it's a celebration of triumphs and transformations! Jessica shares how A Sober Girl's Guide went from a cheeky blog to a thriving community hub, complete with group coaching, social clubs, and daily encouragement for those navigating an alcohol-free life. She is all about the power of change, so, tune in, get inspired by the movement she's created, and discover how those small, intentional shifts can lead to a thriving sober life, backed by a passionate community ready to welcome you with open arms. Cheers!

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Transcript

Deb: 0:01

Welcome, friends, and welcome to the Thriving Alcohol Free Podcast. I'm your host, deb, otherwise known as Mocktail Mom, a retired wine drinker that finally got sick and tired of spinning on Life's Broken Record called Detox to Retox. Let this podcast be an encouragement to you. If alcohol is maybe a form of self-care for you or you find yourself dragging through the day waiting to pour another glass, I am excited to share with you the fun of discovering new things to drink when you aren't drinking and the joy of waking up each day without a hangover. It is an honor to serve as your sober fun guide, so sit back and relax or keep doing whatever it is you're doing. This show is produced for you with love from the great state of Kentucky. Thanks so much for being here and big time cheers, all right. Hey, friends, it's Deb. Welcome back to Thriving Alcohol Free. I am so happy that you're here. I'm so excited. Today I'm making a new friend again. This is the best part about having a podcast is getting to hear people's sober journeys, alcohol-free lifestyles all the fun stuff.

Deb: 1:06

Jessica from a sober girls guide is here with us today. We've never met before. I follow you on Instagram forever. I mean forever, god. We've never met Minute one. So thank you for coming on. Really, yeah, yeah for me Way back when I was just window shopping so bright. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I was just a little shopping, window shopping when I was drinking canine wine and scrolling at night with the Instagram like, wow, look at these people, they're not drinking.

Jessica: 1:32

Yeah, and you're like, oh, this chick, here she is again being all sober.

Deb: 1:37

Being all sober. Being all sober, yes. So how long have you been alcohol-free? Seven years, Wow, wow.

Jessica: 1:46

Yeah.

Deb: 1:47

That's like a seven-year itch right? No, probably not with so bright.

Jessica: 1:51

Yeah.

Deb: 1:51

I don't think so no.

Jessica: 1:54

I don't think. I think it's just getting better. I mean, to be honest, I think around year three and I kind of talked about this the other day year three, it was a bit sticky because I had expectations. I'm like, oh, I'm three years sober, the world owes me almost, and not to say I wasn't super entitled, but I feel like, but I'm being so good, I'm being such a good person. I'm like why are maybe this, that and the other not working out? Or like, why is this still happening to me? And I realized it doesn't matter how good you are. There is no such thing as being good or right or wrong, because in everyone's perceptions of the world you could be their hero or their villain, right, it really doesn't matter. But I had this just expectation at three years. I'm like okay, I've arrived, I'm ready to like everything to be easy, kind of I guess.

Deb: 3:02

Yeah, yeah. Did you feel like almost like sober, Like after time it was going to be like the magic wand. Everything else was just like all the edges of life. The rough times were all going to be smoothed over because you weren't drinking anymore.

Jessica: 3:13

Yeah, I kind of thought I'm like I have this not drinking thing down pat Totally. It wasn't even, and still isn't, a main. I don't want to say focus, but not like a task that I have to monitor every day. It's kind of like I've done the work and I've really dissolved this pattern. However, other patterns like to pop up which are so much more ingrained and have so much more complex for me personally, just have such much longer legs and are so much more complex than my relationship with alcohol, and that's where it gets real sticky.

Deb: 4:02

That's where it's. Yeah, real hairy.

Jessica: 4:04

Yeah, and that's where you know that we want to say the work. That is where the work comes. And I don't know, maybe in three more years I'll be like cool, okay, well, I've also broken this pattern or this kind of like relationship in my life. What am I owed now?

Deb: 4:22

We're always improving. Yeah, we're just always improving. Right, we're getting? Yeah, hopefully we're improving. I guess that's the goal right.

Jessica: 4:29

Yeah, I mean a one step at a time. Right, like, yeah, like, what does the saying say? Like 1%? Better, you know, doesn't have to be a huge, life-altering, monumental thing every day or every week, but I don't know, like one foot in front of the other.

Deb: 4:46

Yeah, and those little little things over time, those little things over time, right within, like what? Like you said, a year, three years, right, what did you call it? You said that the pattern is dissolved.

Jessica: 4:56

I like that, I really like that, yeah pattern has definitely dissolved but, like I said, I think in in kind of dissolving that pattern leads way to, you know, the main event the main patterns that like is like the workhorse behind all these little kind of sub patterns that have popped up and habits that you've maybe created and Maybe unhealthy relationships you formed with this, that and the other. Doesn't necessarily have to be alcohol, yeah, it could be people, I mean people, I don't know. I think people in our relationships in the world are in insane. Like it's monumental how huge they are. Because, like everything, yeah, yeah, like if you think of life, like what is it really worth living if you don't have relationships?

Deb: 5:53

Jessica, I agree with you a hundred percent. I think the only things that are eternal is God and our relationship with others. You know, yeah, we're gonna see an eternity. I mean we, you're gonna have relationships. It is it's the most important thing is our relationships. Yeah, we're created to be in Relationship with others. We're not going to be in isolation.

Jessica: 6:14

Yeah, but also, and then there's like Another kind of like. Third view of this is like your relationship to your relationships, you know, because, like you can't change others, you can only change how you are moving through the world. And so it's like your relationship with maybe that particular relationship or that you know brand of person, or like personalities or dynamics. These are all patterns, it's, they're all like things that we've come to learn or have been ingrained in us. And, yeah, I think changing and dissolving that pattern with alcohol has just Allowed from for the main show Pop-up the real show.

Deb: 7:01

Now those arrive people. Yeah, it's very true, though, because right like before you stopped drinking, did you think? I thought like that was the one thing? Right, that was the thing and what that was taking care of. Everything else is. But you're right, like there's in, there's those other things, all the other things you know. But, like you said, we can only control ourselves. I can't control even how somebody else responds or what they said. Nothing I can only control myself.

Jessica: 7:23

Yeah, yeah and your relationship with that like and that's the hardest, I find that's like the most Interesting dynamic is your relationships with relationships.

Deb: 7:33

Hmm, hmm, very interesting. So my, my podcast, I, you know we shared alcohol-free stories and becoming sober. But like, if somebody's just maybe maybe they're in the beginning or they're just thinking about breaking up with alcohol or they're thinking about taking a little break, you know what advice would you give them? Maybe, if they're worried, you know, about Taking a little break from alcohol, or worried about life without drinking, you've any advice for somebody's maybe worried about that?

Jessica: 7:59

I think, first and foremost, like those worries and those concerns are 100% valid because they're coming from either your judgments of other people changing their relationship or your perceptions of that, or maybe you know Experiences or things you've heard. Like they're not coming out of nowhere, and you're right. Like things are going to change 100% and I think, for anyone, change is terrifying, whether it's welcomed or not. It's just uncomfortable, it feels weird, right, like it's different. It doesn't mean that it's necessarily wrong, it's just different. So, yeah, try and kind of lean in to be like, yeah, this feels weird, great.

Jessica: 8:50

Instead of I think, what I did for so many years, because it took me a while to get sober and to really see the value of sobriety, I think I denied almost like reality, or I denied my feelings around, maybe the loss of my relationship with alcohol. I kind of was like, no, this is fine, like it's under control, I can handle it. Like you know, whatever, like I was totally negating all my feelings and my thoughts about change and it's very real, you know it is. It is almost like a morning process Like this. You are no longer this person and it can be sad, but also I think it's really, really important to realize that we can experience two feelings at the same time and two very like polarizing feelings.

Jessica: 9:43

Right, like you can maybe be in mourning of this person, of this girl who you know, you used to know and used to drink, and this is how she used to cope with things. Right, maybe she was a bit of a party girl, maybe she did drink for attention, insert your rationalizations and justifications for drinking here, but you can also. You can miss her and not necessarily need her or want her back, kind of like a relationship, like any kind of relationship. Like you can miss this person, but if you're not compatible anymore, like if it's not working, you can still miss them, but also know that it's okay. Yeah, like you don't have to be with them, you can love them from afar. Exactly, that's a really good analogy.

Deb: 10:34

Yeah, it really is. Because it's you. You feel very conflicted in the beginning like how can I miss Chardonnay, you know, how can I miss it? But I did, you know. But I was also enjoying. I was enjoying waking up without a hangover. I was enjoying sleeping through the night you know, not waking up at 3am with the room spinning, so like. But at the same time I did grieve the alcohol.

Jessica: 10:57

I was grieving, yeah because something for so long you know, kind of like and I put parentheses around work, yeah, it worked right. Until we kind of realized like, oh, actually this isn't what I want to do anymore. Yeah, I don't think it's necessary to like villainize alcohol just because you're not drinking it. Agree Totally agree.

Jessica: 11:21

I don't love that. I don't like to take that approach and I don't. It's just something that I have chosen not to partake in Same. It doesn't work for me, so let's keep the ball moving right Like let's find out what does.

Deb: 11:35

Yeah, exactly Exactly. That's so good.

Jessica: 11:38

Yeah, like the law of attraction, like you want to find out, I want you to go towards what is working for you, or be curious, or be brave enough to find out what could possibly work for you.

Deb: 11:51

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Deb: 12:19

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Deb: 13:05

Give Giesen a try and let me know how much you love it and if you want to meet their winemaker, go back to episode 33 of the podcast, where Duncan Shuler joined me to share about the Giesen story. Okay, so you started a sober girls guide A sober girls guide, sorry, not the right a sober girls guide. Okay, how did you start it and where did this idea come from and how did it get started? When did you start it?

Jessica: 13:27

Sure Okay.

Jessica: 13:28

so I started this eight years ago, now nine almost nine years ago and it started off as just an Instagram account and I was just kind of I was also blogging and I was just kind of like plugging along and kind of like showcasing and writing about stuff that was working in my journey and what doesn't, and just basically documenting what was going on, right. And then one day I'm very sassy, I'm pretty sarcastic. Unfortunately, that sarcasm doesn't like read well literally, like read well One dimensionally. You know, it can be a little off-putting. And this was said to me by someone that I trust, love and respect, and so I saw her point and I'm like, yeah, like Touche, she's like I love you because I know you. You know what I mean. Like I love reading your stuff because I know you and I know your tone and I can hear your voice when I'm reading it.

Jessica: 14:34

But to anyone reading this, they would just think you were an A-hole. So I took that to heart. I'm like you know what Touche? I see that. And so she said you know it would be really cool to do like a podcast. Like I would love to hear you know your sarcasm and your personality actually come through on a podcast. I'm like that actually sounds really good, because also, doing this solo is very lonely. Yeah, it's very hard, yeah, so it's really hard, and so doing a podcast and bringing on guests and meeting people like this is everything I ever wanted.

Deb: 15:13

It's real fun yeah.

Jessica: 15:15

And that's how the podcast happened. And then, yeah, the blog continued. I kind of took out a little bit of the sassiness in the blog, you know, made some adjustments, you learn, you grow, live, laugh, love, absolutely, absolutely. And then, yeah, that's kind of how it all started. It just kind of started with me, actually, you know, creating the space of like just documenting in real time what was working, what maybe wasn't working and how to pivot.

Deb: 15:48

Wow, wow. And how has it evolved? How is it now? Like what is a sober girls guide now?

Jessica: 15:53

Yeah, I mean, it's basically that's kind of like our still our principles, right, it's like to document, to be very like hands-on practical tools. And I found, oh, I shouldn't mention back in the earlier stages I went back and I got my coaching certification, so I then started one-on-one coaching and then that moved into group coaching and it was just hard for me to manage and I'm like, okay, I am only one person. This is ridiculous, I'm not able. I was just spread too thin and I just felt like I wasn't doing a good enough job coaching and our clients deserve better. And I recognize that.

Jessica: 16:36

And so I now have a group of fantastic women. We have six coaches who are coaching within our sober girl social club, which is a monthly membership, and we have support circles every day of the week. We're adding another one actually coming up in a couple of weeks, so we're going to have two on Wednesdays. And we have a book club. We have a really robust group chat, which is really fun, and then we have like challenges inside of the membership. So it's just a great way to like really help a lot of women at once and have it like served by really amazing coaches who are so much better than me Because, like I realize, I can't do it all, and that took a long time to realize that because I want to do it all.

Deb: 17:27

Yeah, we want to, yeah, you want to, you want to, and it's like, yeah, we just, you're one person, you're one person, and as it continues to grow and stuff, you just you can't serve everybody one to one or have one on one meetings or stuff Totally, yeah, yeah.

Jessica: 17:41

And I think for me, like I just felt really guilty that the level and the quality of coaching that I was just solely providing wasn't there, and I think I did the best possible thing is to hire amazing coaches who are so much better than me.

Deb: 17:58

That's great, that's great. So how do they get certified, or what is that? What is the coaching certification?

Jessica: 18:03

Yeah, so they've all kind of done their own certification, but then I've also taught my method through our group coaching program in one-on-one Just kind of like our philosophies and our kind of like steps to building a really solid foundation.

Deb: 18:20

That's awesome. That's awesome. Yeah, very cool. Okay, so, when you're not drinking which is probably all the time now, right, yeah, all the time what do you like? Is there something in particular that you like to drink, or particular mocktail that you like, or not? A hot wine or beer? Do you have any of those favorites?

Jessica: 18:38

Yes, I mean. My problem is I love all of it, but right now in particular, I'm going to get really specific. I am so obsessed I can't get enough of it that I've been buying family-sized bottles that are as big as my torso. It's GT's. Kombucha in grape flavor GT's kombucha in grape flavor.

Deb: 19:04

Really I love kombucha.

Jessica: 19:06

Yeah.

Jessica: 19:07

GT is the OG. He is one of the originators and I actually know a little bit of his story. He started off making kombucha. His mom was sick, I believe, of cancer, oh wow. And so they did a lot of off-the-record treatments and they got really into kombucha. So they were making it like as a family and then he just made a business out of it. And actually I don't know if I'm totally making this up, but who knows, we could fact check it later, Google this later. Someone check this afterward. I only know this because a close personal friend of mine, because I used to DJ and one of the clubs back in LA this is like years ago when I first got sober they had GT's on tap at the bar. Really yes, and the bar owner was really good friends with GT.

Deb: 20:04

That's so cool.

Jessica: 20:05

Yeah, and he said that he got approached by Pepsi Cola to buy out the brand and he was like no, he stood ground, he kept his integrity and they change products. Everything changes when you kind of like spell out, it just happens, right. Yeah, I thought that was really cool of him and he's created such an amazing killer business and amazing kombucha. It's incredible.

Deb: 20:39

So the grape? The grape is the top one for you, but there's something about the grape.

Jessica: 20:43

I'm on a grape kick right now. Okay, I'll have to have her. Lily, she loves grape.

Deb: 20:48

It's so awesome.

Jessica: 20:50

Okay, I'm so glad to know that, and I put it in a wine glass like a stemless wine glass. Nice, it's so good and it's just my treat every night.

Deb: 20:59

Yeah, oh, that's awesome. I love that. Yeah, to have something special like that.

Jessica: 21:03

Yeah, and I don't drink it during the day, it's solely after work. Like tonight, I'm going to probably have a bath and then watch Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

Deb: 21:16

Oh, beverly Hills, Are you a Beverly Hills girl?

Jessica: 21:18

You know what I got. To be honest, I am like a fair weather fan.

Deb: 21:23

I have become that. I used to be very loyal. I used to be very, I used to be very religious about watching it, and now I may yeah, not so much more. Yeah, okay, but are you loving the whole Kyle being sober? Oh?

Jessica: 21:35

that's why I'm here. I'm literally here for Kyle. I just started watching it this season.

Deb: 21:39

Yes, I love, yeah, I'm a big fan. Yeah, I'm very happy that she's being a face, you know, of sobriety, yeah, yeah, and it's very interesting to hear the comments the other women are making and stuff and it's like, oh my gosh, shut up, just let her be.

Jessica: 21:55

Right, yeah, I mean, it also is like a reality show.

Deb: 21:59

It's a drama show, Right? So obviously, yeah, you're right.

Jessica: 22:01

No you're right. So they're like, definitely, you know, playing devil's advocate and really egging her on. But it also just shows everyone, like, how stupid you look by questioning someone's choices.

Deb: 22:14

Yeah, you're totally right. No, you're totally right, yeah yeah, just stand your ground, yep, and keep walking in your sobriety. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jessica: 22:21

But yeah, I'm here for Kyle. That's so awesome.

Deb: 22:23

Okay, yeah, we'll have to see how the season turns out. What?

Jessica: 22:26

happens? What happens with Kyle?

Deb: 22:29

Oh my gosh. Yes, okay, but you mentioned you were a DJ. Is that so fun? Yeah, I mean like anything, it's a job. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry, I know it's like it has nothing to do with like a sober girl's.

Jessica: 22:40

It sounds great. It sounds great on paper, yeah.

Deb: 22:42

But it's a and it's work. You're at work. You're not at the party, You're at work.

Jessica: 22:46

I mean yes and no. That was like really the time where I really did drink a lot and I did do a lot of drugs.

Deb: 22:54

So yeah, yeah, very different time.

Jessica: 22:57

Yeah, I mean it was fun until I'm like is this it Like? Is this? All I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life is like in nightclubs, like night after night, like traveling alone, like it's boring gets boring.

Deb: 23:12

Yeah, Pretty quick. Made for more for sure. Okay, so you're drinking your grape kombucha GTs. What about when you got to a restaurant? What do you like to order to drink?

Jessica: 23:24

I am definitely open to trying if they have any certain like concoctions, or I will definitely just like Throw the bartender a wild card and be like give me your best shot basically Surprise me.

Deb: 23:36

Give me your best shot oh, I like that. That'd be a good title for a good name for a mocktail. Give me your best shot yeah, totally, just like that. That's what we need to tell the bartenders. Give me your best shot, mocktail. Yeah, that's perfect. Hit me, hit me, let's go.

Jessica: 23:50

So yeah, because I like to be surprised and like I always, like I said, speaking in patterns, I always kind of get into the same old, same old. So at this point in my life, hit me like mix it up, let's get wild. Yeah.

Deb: 24:06

Crazy with mocktails right.

Jessica: 24:10

That's awesome. And if they don't want to play With me like they don't want to reciprocate, that's cool. I will basically order what I call a classic sober girl, which is lime juice, muddled mint like a lot of mint and a lot of ice, and then soda water over top. Oh, like a little mojito, like a little yeah, oh, that's like no sugar, no syrup, no yeah just a little mm-hmm.

Deb: 24:35

Keep it clean. Yeah, nice. Yeah, I love it, jessica. Thank you Thank you yeah on today. Thank you so much for having me, you can have like a little watch party for the housewives you know, I know like in a group text of like what's happening, you know.

Jessica: 24:50

Well, we do talk about it in our like social clubs. But I and my, my, we talk about it. It's mainly me.

Deb: 25:00

I'm right there with you. I mean it's it's embarrassed, it's honestly it's embarrassing that I'm really that, I do really like that and I'm into all of them, I'm into all it's like if that's the worst thing I'm doing in my life right now is watching stupid housewives once a week, or whatever.

Deb: 25:12

It's fine. Yeah, I think it's good. Okay, so everybody can find you on Instagram. A sober girls guide. Is your Instagram handle website the same easy to find? And Thank you for everything that you're doing in the sober space and just for your encouragement to so many women.

Jessica: 25:25

Yeah, oh, thank you so much. Yeah, yeah, thank you.

Deb: 25:28

Thank you for for being on here today. Really really appreciate it Big time. Cheers to you for tuning in to the thriving alcohol-free podcast. I hope you will take something from today's episode and make one small change that will help you to thrive and have fun in life Without alcohol. If you enjoyed this episode and you'd like to help support the podcast, please share it with others, post about it on social, send up a flare or leave a rating in a review. I am cheering for you as you discover the world of non-alcoholic drinks and as you journey towards authentic freedom. See you in the next episode. You.