Thriving Alcohol-Free with Mocktail Mom

EP 101 Surviving the Holidays Alcohol-Free With Abbie Romanul from Raising the Bar

• Deb, Mocktail Mom • Season 1 • Episode 101

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This week, I’m chatting with the amazing Abbie, one of the founders of Raising the Bar, the zero-proof cocktail subscription box that’s changing how we celebrate, one sip at a time. Abbie gets real about her journey to an alcohol-free life—why she started her sober journey in December (yes, during the holidays!), how people-pleasing played into her drinking, and why putting yourself first is always the right move.

We also dive into her best tips for navigating holiday parties booze-free, the importance of community (because you’re not meant to do this alone!), and how she turned her dining room into ground zero for a business that’s now a nationwide sensation. From festive, thoughtful drink recipes to the chaos of shipping 600+ boxes after a Today Show shoutout, Abbie spills all the behind-the-scenes stories—including a crazy story with none other than Danny Trejo!

Plus, we’re teasing some big news for 2025, chatting about the Mocktail Summit in January! 

Snag your box & let’s make mocktails together during The Mocktail Summit!


Follow Raising the Bar!
Website | Instagram | Facebook 

Registration is now open for The Mocktail Summit (January 14-16)!

Order a copy of The Happiest Hour: Delicious Mocktails for a Fabulous Moms' Night In

A huge thank you to the sponsor of the Thriving Alcohol-Free podcast!
Giesen 0% Wines

You are loved. Big Time Cheers!

Deb:

Buckle up, friends, and welcome to the Thriving Alcohol-Free Podcast. I'm your host, deb, otherwise known as Mocktail Mom, a retired wine drinker that finally got sick and tired of spinning on life's broken record called Detox to Retox. Let this podcast be an encouragement to you. If alcohol is maybe a form of self-care for you where you find yourself dragging through the day waiting to pour another glass, I am excited to share with you the fun of discovering new things to drink when you aren't drinking and the joy of waking up each day without a hangover. It is an honor to serve as your sober, fun guide. So sit back and relax or keep doing whatever it is you're doing. This show is produced for you with love from the great state of Kentucky. Thanks so much for being here and big time cheers. Hey friends, welcome back to Thriving Alcohol-Free. I am so excited. I'm always excited, but today I'm really excited because Abbie Romanul you got it, did I say it right Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing of Raising the Bar is here.

Deb:

Who has not heard of Raising the Bar? I have followed you. We both started out on Instagram like around the same time. Raising the Bar has been around for four years. Yeah, beautiful, amazing mocktail boxes that you curate and send out. You started this business in your home mailing them out, and now you are at thousands of boxes that you ship every month, which like gives me chills to even say. I'm so excited for you as a woman who loves business and I read Inc Magazine and entrepreneur. To see you succeeding is like I am just cheering you on from here in Kentucky. So thank you for joining me from Boston. Thank you for joining Thriving Alcohol-Free and for all that you do in the sober, curious, alcohol-free space. It's really incredible to have a box delivered to your door filled with stuff so you can keep drinking while you're not drinking.

Abbie:

Thank you so much, deb. It's so great to be here and right back at you. I've loved following your journey, seeing the community that you've built. I think so many people, especially moms, resonate with what you're doing and just that community is indispensable when you're going through any kind of major change like this. So thank you for the support and I'm just really really feel honored to be in this community with you.

Deb:

Oh, I love it. Okay, I'm so excited we're going to talk about I want to talk about your business, but then I also want to talk about your. Last year we did some stuff with the mocktail boxes for the mocktail summit. We're going to do that again this year. I'm really excited. So, for anybody who has the all-access pass to the Mocktail Summit, we're going to be playing around in one of the raising the bar boxes. I'm excited about that. But I would love to hear, kind of how you started the business. I'd just love to hear, like, your founder story. I think it's always so interesting to hear how this got started. Thank, you.

Abbie:

Yes, so I quit drinking. It'll be six years this December, six years ago, and I had been what I like to call a gray area drinker pretty much from the first sip of alcohol to the very last. And yeah, I went to undergraduate at a college that drinking was very much part of the social life and it was very normalized to binge drink, and so I was thrilled to go along with that. And then, after we graduated, I found that a lot of my friends from school kind of settled into their adult lives and I was still keeping those drinking habits from my college days. And once I became a mom, when I was 28, the hangovers really started to catch up with me and I started to realize just how preoccupied I was with drinking, not just while I was drinking, but thinking about it constantly. How do I get enough? How do I make sure I don't drink too much? Should I bring an extra bottle of wine to the party in case they don't have enough? There were, you know, starts and stops throughout. You know the seven years from when my first was born to when I quit drinking and I kept thinking okay, I quit for three months, so I can totally go back to this, and every time there would be an occasion where I was like, oh, I thought I had changed and I haven't. So my last drinking night was quite unremarkable. I was at the time working in corporate America. I was at an agency meeting in New York, you know, a night away from the family, and went out with some co-workers, had a few drinks not a binge drinking like I oftentimes had done. But I felt so bad the next day during all these meetings, when I was supposed to be on, and I just thought I just don't ever want to feel this way, ever again. I had just had it. I had tried AA before. I had tried managing moderation. I'd read books, I'd listened to podcasts and there was something about that experience that that was just it for me.

Abbie:

And I remember flying back to Boston from New York, taking an Uber back to my house, and I was chatting with the lovely Uber driver. He was telling me a little bit about his family. I was telling him about my family and he said something like oh, I bet you're a really good mom, and I just I burst into tears. I was like. I was like I don't feel, like. I am Like thank you for saying that. And that was kind of the moment where I was like I know I can do better and they deserve better. And that was it. That was it.

Abbie:

And so that was December 12th, and a couple of weeks later my husband and I were on our way from Boston to Connecticut to see our old college friends for our annual New Year's Eve celebration, and in the two hours on the car I kept saying like, oh my goodness, I'm going to have such FOMO Like. These are our best friends, I know they'll support me, but like partying is such a part of our social life together. And so we had all this time in the car without kids to chat, and I was like gosh, I really wish there was like a cocktail kit, but for non-alcoholic drinks. And so he's driving and I'm sitting there Googling and there wasn't anything. And we were like we could totally do that. And so we talked about it for two years and did nothing, nothing.

Deb:

I understand that. Yes, I understand that, yeah, yeah.

Abbie:

And my husband, who has been Devin, who has been so supportive. One day he was like hey, you know, I really think you can do this, but like are we going to do it? Because if we're not, like, let's stop talking about it. Actually, we talk about it a lot, like let's give ourselves some space back. And so I was like you're right. So it was February 2020. I was pregnant with my third. We started working.

Deb:

We just started, like February 2020.

Abbie:

Let's write that down February 2020.

Deb:

And when nobody knew what was about to happen.

Abbie:

Nobody knew what was about to happen.

Abbie:

I was working full time, devin was working full time, our kids at the time were seven and four, and I was seven months, six months, pregnant and we started working with a graphic designer to get the logo. I was like, if we get branding, then I can start to imagine what it'll look like. So we got our name, we got our logo and then, as we all know, in March, mid-march, we found ourselves working from home, educating our two kids at home, and everything kind of went on pause with the business. We were just very much in survival mode, like, let's get through whatever this chapter is, through the birth of the baby, all of that. And then Charlie was born in May and I had this time at home during the pandemic and I was like, well, this is a great time to test out recipes, like I'll just buy a bunch of random stuff and experiment. And that was really when we started honing in on the concept. And then, the night before I went back to work in September of 2020, we launched our website and that is where we began.

Deb:

Seriously Okay. So then, how long until you left corporate?

Abbie:

So I worked for about six months until doing both and then my husband was like I believe in this, you should really give this a go. I'm the risk taker, I'm the impulsive, creative daydreamer and he's the realist. And when he was like I think you should do this, I was like oh, wow, okay, all right, we're trying this.

Deb:

Okay, yeah, you're like. You don't have to tell me twice, you're like 1-800-BOSS, I quit. Exactly, exactly, it's over.

Abbie:

That's right.

Deb:

Wow, Wow. Okay, I love. First of all, I love that you said that you shared that it was an unremarkable drinking, your last night of drinking, because I think you know, sometimes we think we have some horrible event that happens.

Abbie:

That's right, or it has to be.

Deb:

January 1st or it has to be this date Totally. You can just start. You can just say today's the day I'm not drinking anymore, you know.

Abbie:

Right, and that can be the remarkable thing about that day. But I think you're right. I think sometimes we get hung up in these stories that it either has to be this is rock bottom and there's no turning back, or okay, we're starting with this fresh reset and then we'll go from there. But it doesn't have to be this perfect thing.

Deb:

Yep, that's so good. Yeah, you can just do it messy. You can just do it like okay, today's the day. I'm just starting. I don't have a mocktail yet, I haven't figured out what I'm going to be drinking, but I'm just starting. Yeah, and how great now that they can start with raising the bar box being delivered to their door. This is what you and I would have loved to have had delivered to us that first month right, oh my goodness.

Abbie:

And yes, and if there had been something like that or that, that sort of thing was celebrated and normalized, or communities like that were more available, I think it would have been a lot easier of a journey or I would have come to it sooner been a lot easier of a journey or I would have come to it sooner. But I think, as you know, so much has changed over the past four years that it has become a lot more accessible to people, which is so wonderful.

Deb:

It's incredible, yeah, who would have thought? I mean how the tides, my goodness, it just keeps. It's like the trajectory is just going up. This is all we're doing right now, and it's like just hang on, buckle up.

Abbie:

I know and I feel so excited to be like here part of it.

Deb:

Yeah, not part of it. You're leading the way, you're leading the way, thank you, so are you. Oh, thank you and I love thank you for sharing about your Uber ride with the driver and it's like I think you know somebody, especially for moms, like we feel that guilt.

Abbie:

Shame, guilt, shame and guilt.

Deb:

That's why I dragged around you know, nobody knew. I was a gray area drinker like you. Nobody was looking at me thinking like she's got a problem, but I knew what I was feeling. You knew what you're feeling and so thank you for sharing that.

Abbie:

That's right and that's even like a bigger part of the pressure walking around acting like you have it all together when you know inside that there's this huge, invisible thing. I remember waking up the next day and talking to my husband about it and I was sobbing because I felt like I was breaking up with the love of my life, who I knew maybe wasn't good for me but we had history together and so it wasn't easy and it wasn't like this amazing thing, but there was this weight off my chest. Even if I was sad, I was like I'm free now, like I can be myself, I'm not hiding, and that was the most unexpectedly freeing thing of all of it.

Deb:

Yeah you're free now. It is the most freeing thing I've experienced in my adult life is breaking up with Chardonnay. I didn't expect that. I just thought like I just want to moderate, but like it is, it's the most freeing. And you're right, Even though you're grieving, you're grieving. There is a grief, there's grief, and it's like I didn't realize that in the beginning. I wanted to like lay down in front of the Chardonnay and be like do you miss?

Abbie:

me Like I miss you. This is hard for you. Yeah, I'll write you letters, I promise. And one of the things that I realized I was like, oh, I can still enjoy some of the memories that included alcohol, even if alcohol as a whole wasn't good for me. Like that doesn't take away the good times I had or the times that weren't a mess. That was part of who I was and that's okay.

Deb:

I had to go through that to get to this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, this would never have happened. None of it Totally, this never would have happened. Yeah, yeah, amazing.

Abbie:

It is.

Deb:

It's magical. It's magical Okay. As you guys know, I love Giesen 0% Wines. Their Sauvignon Blanc is my go-to on a regular basis. They recently launched a delicious sparkling fruit 0%, which is quickly becoming a fan favorite. I am so proud to have Giesen as the exclusive non-alcoholic wine sponsor of the Thriving Alcohol-Free Podcast.

Deb:

Giesen 0% Wines are created through the magic of advanced spank-on technology to remove the alcohol from their full-leaded wines. The award-winning winemaker Duncan Shouler and his team have done wonders in Marlborough, new Zealand, by creating an entire family of 0% wines with all the flavor and deliciousness you expect from traditional quote full-leaded wine. Their non-alcoholic wines maintain the aroma and the body to create a low-calorie wine that never contains more than 0.5 ABV. Globally available, look for Giesen 0% wines wherever you shop for your non-alcoholic options. Their family of alcohol-free wines include the most effervescent member of the family, the sparkling brute 0%, which is absolutely delicious for any celebration. My personal favorite although I do love them all is the Sauvignon Blanc, coming in at only 100 calories for the entire bottle, and, not to be missed, the other members of their 0% family the Riesling, the Premium Red Blend, the Rosé, the Pinot Gris.

Deb:

With Giesen's 0% wines, there's a de-alcoholized wine for everyone and every occasion. Give Giesen a try and let me know how much you love it, and if you want to meet their winemaker, go back to episode 33 of the podcast, where Duncan Shouler joined me to share about the Giesen story. Can we talk a little bit? Hopefully this episode is going to come out before Christmas. Do you want to talk a little bit about holidays, entertaining, how to like get over these hurdles of like what the heck am I going to be like? How do I handle being around the relatives A hundred?

Abbie:

percent. That's right. So because I quit December 12th, I had December to figure out how do I get through the holidays, how do I get through New Year's? And I even thought I was like Abbie, why are you doing this now? This is a dumb idea and I was just. That was it.

Abbie:

I was ready, but I did really have to go into social situations with a plan. So my first tip would be bring your own stuff and bring stuff to share. People like interesting, good drinks. They like things they haven't tried before, and one of the things that I've loved is seeing how curious people are, even if they are drinkers or drink occasionally. So I liked knowing that I would have something to use and enjoy that wasn't seltzer, that wasn't a Diet Coke those aren't bad things, but they're not special and especially around the holidays, it's nice to feel festive. That's my first tip. Second, it's okay to leave, whether it's to take a moment or a break, or if you need to go home.

Abbie:

If you are working on removing alcohol from your life and that is a priority take care of yourself. I don't know about you, but people-pleasing has been a huge part of my identity, very much tied to my alcohol use, very much tied to my role as a mother, very much tied to my role as a perfectionist, and the idea of disappointing people has always been part of my story. I didn't want to disappoint people by letting them down, by not drinking, by not being a party girl, by not being a good time, but I knew in that first season I have to take care of myself and I have to put myself first, and I might disappoint some people, and that's okay. And then my third would be to gather your people, your close friends, a partner, a family member or an online community, of which there are so many incredible ones to choose from and check in with them. There are so many people who are rooting for you and want to be there for you, accept the love, accept the help and accept the community.

Deb:

I love that. Accept the love, accept the help and accept the community, because right it's like You're not meant to do it alone. You're not meant to do it alone. No, and it's like community is everything, even if it's just a few people who you can reach out to, whether it's text or Marco Polo, or send a message in your group chat or whatever it is.

Abbie:

Absolutely. I think I had found some sober women's group on Facebook, just a random group, and that was my lifeline during the early days because I wasn't really ready to talk about it IRL. So I think that's one of the great things about how sobriety and alcohol-free living has really popped up online.

Deb:

Yeah, it's amazing. Yeah, because I thought it was like AA or you're just drinking. Yes, it felt like there were no options.

Abbie:

There are so many options. There's a spectrum. It is not one size fits all and I really think for so long I thought it had to be AA or nothing, like you said. So I didn't take action because I was like I don't fit into the AA model.

Deb:

Yep, yep, same, exact same. Our stories are very similar. I didn't have the Uber ride, but very similar, but I did have the same tears. Yes, the same, definitely tears. Yeah.

Abbie:

Yeah, yeah.

Deb:

Okay, let's talk about know. I mean, now you're so much bigger, you're not making these and you're not putting these together on your dining room table anymore.

Abbie:

This is like far beyond that.

Deb:

So now you have to plan out like what months in advance for what you're putting in the box.

Abbie:

So for the first year we did pack in our dining room. Our two older kids helped. It was very much a family-run business and we'll still pack like influencer boxes and things at home and they love to still do that. But yes, we've luckily moved that piece out of our home, which has allowed us to focus more on, like the fun part, which is the actual, you know, curating and making the recipes. So every box contains two different cocktail recipes, zero-proof cocktail recipes, and usually are ready to drink.

Abbie:

So what we want to do is give people an opportunity to try a couple different things and if there is anything we have learned during this process, taste is subjective. We have boxes that people have said this is my favorite one, I'm ordering 10 more. I can't believe these flavors. And that same box, somebody else is like this was undrinkable to me and that's just going to be how it is. And so, as we went on, we had started out with one recipe, so now we try to include multiple, so people are getting a chance to experiment.

Abbie:

We also work to really try to portray a range of types of products, whether it's non-alcoholic spirits, wines, beers, bitters, mixers, shrubs, all sorts of different things, and then we'll typically do some kind of theme. So for December the theme is SLAY S-L-A-Y, and this is going to be a fun one. It's not Christmas themed but it's got a festive holiday feel to it and I always enjoyed that, like you know, having a good on-theme cocktail. So that's kind of what's in the boxes and it's just been amazing to see not only how people make them and use the boxes and channel those ingredients into maybe their own creations, but hearing people's stories Like that was one thing I didn't expect. Just reading the gift notes for when people gift subscriptions, it is so amazing to see how people weave these boxes into their lives and their journeys and their stories, whether it's sobriety, whether it's pregnancy, nursing, infertility, other health issues, all sorts of different things. It has just been so gratifying.

Deb:

Okay, I love that. Yes, and you can gift a subscription.

Abbie:

What a gift that you can give to somebody for Christmas, holidays, whatever birthday Totally gift that you can give to somebody for Christmas, holidays, whatever birthday Totally and especially for people starting out on their journey, I think. For me I was overwhelmed by what was out there, and of course now there's way more out there. So when you're dipping your toe in and you don't know where to begin, these are a great start to an alcohol-free or a mindful drinking journey. So you get a little taste of what's out there.

Deb:

Yeah, yeah, it's so perfect and I love that Right. Like you might love one of the things in the box you might not like, everybody's tastes are different. And I find that too. It's like I'll mention something online and it's like you know, I like it. But you may not like it, you know to each his own, you know Exactly order a box or gift a subscription. I love that idea. I'll have to send my husband the link. Yeah, here you go, larry.

Abbie:

I love it.

Deb:

Yes, so okay, and I know you guys are going to be part of the Mocktail Summit, which I'm so excited. So the Mocktail Summit is January 14th, 15th and 16th. It's virtual. So if you get an all access pass right now, early bird discount is still available. But we're going to incorporate the Raising the Bar boxes into the All Access Pass. You know, just incorporate, like using the ingredients of one of the boxes for the All Access Pass members so they can order the box if they want to have it and kind of make a drink with me using that. So I'm excited to do that. I just I love what you guys are doing. It's amazing. I mean I look back like four years, like this is incredible, abby, thank you, it's incredible, it's been a wild journey and it definitely has not been all easy, but I have learned so much.

Abbie:

I feel like I've grown so much, and we have a lot left to do, so I'm excited for the future. I'm excited for what's to come in 2025. I'll tease that Deb and I will be working together on a box next year, so keep your eyes peeled. One of the things we're really really looking forward to doing in the new year is just becoming more in tune with the community and collaborating more. One of my favorite things about this zero-proof space is how much people lift one another up, both brands and creators and communities and we're really excited to do more of that in the new year.

Deb:

I'm so excited. I'm so excited. Okay, do you want to tell before we go, any like things that like somebody has we'd have no idea you're running this business. What's like a crazy story where you're like nobody would ever believe this is happening right now, but like the show just keeps going on, like the ever believe this is happening right now, but the show just keeps going on.

Abbie:

The show has to go on. Oh, I will tell you. Do you have?

Deb:

any stories you want to share.

Abbie:

I have a story. This is one of the craziest things that I've ever done in my life. So in July of this year, our box featured Danny Trejo's non-alcoholic tequila, so that was really exciting. We had worked with his team to get ingredients out to LA so that they could do a photo shoot with Danny in the Box for promotion, and everything was going according to plan. All the ingredients were going to be there. It turned out that our local UPS I won't name names which store never scanned in the box of products Never. So after one of our amazing team members, Amanda, spent all day trying to track down the box, get it moving, it became clear that there was only one option, because all of the products in this box they were not things that I could just Instacart to this shoot, Right, things that I could just Instacart to this shoot.

Abbie:

I packed up a box at 8 pm after my son's soccer game, got all the extras and I booked a flight for six the next morning to go to Los Angeles from Boston with the products. Amanda, who lives in Sacramento, drove down to meet me and pick me up from LAX and we arrived at the shoot about 15 minutes before. No, yes, Abbie, people would not believe this. I was like it was an out-of-body experience. I was like I am packing a box to go to LA in the morning when I had no plans to go to Cal. It was just one of those things where it's like is this crazy? Yes, Are we doing this? Absolutely. Are we glad we did it? Hell yeah, we got to meet Danny. We got to meet his team. It was almost one of those things where I was like I'm glad this went wrong.

Deb:

This is even better. This is even better, Better, right?

Abbie:

You're like we had a meet and greet, we got pictures. Oh my God, it was so special. And Danny is 50 years sober and getting to meet him and tell him why I started the company, he gave me this big hug. He's like God bless you. And I was like God bless you, danny, like it was just, it was a, it was a magical moment. I was like this was totally worth it.

Deb:

That is incredible. That is incredible. Okay, yeah, mom hat the soccer game's over.

Abbie:

Take that one off, pack up the box, book a flight. Yes, and Devin was like go get out of here. I'm packing these, making sure they don't break in transit Like it was. Just like, obviously this is what you're doing and so far, that that's the craziest thing. There have been other snafus, but they're not as exciting or glamorous.

Deb:

That's very exciting. Okay, I'm so glad I asked you that. I'm so glad I asked you that. Thank you for sharing. It's fun to hear like the behind, like what is you know? What does it take? Cause there's always like things, that things go wrong.

Abbie:

Yeah, things go wrong. Our first, so our first holiday season. We were only three months. In the second holiday season we had gotten a very small hit on the Today Show on air and so we had been doing 200 boxes and within a couple days it was 600 boxes. And I remember spending about a week on the phone crying with UPS because it was pandemic mail chaos. I was like we're not going to send it out to the 400 new people. What is happening? That also worked out. Going to send it out to the 400 new people? Like what is happening? That also worked out. But like there's just so many times where I'm like this can't possibly happen, it will not possibly work out. And somehow it always does. It works, but I think that's just life sometimes.

Deb:

Yeah, yeah, totally, totally.

Abbie:

It's like it's all going to be okay, it's all going to be okay, like, oh, you have a drinking problem and you turned this into a business and a book and a community, like it all worked out.

Deb:

It's all going to be okay, right, we're doing just fine. Yeah, abby, your dream. Thank you for everything you're doing, thank you Thank you for creating Raising the Bar. Instagram handle is at weareraisingthebar.

Abbie:

You got it.

Deb:

Is the Instagram handle. Absolutely Not the law firm, you guys.

Abbie:

Or if you need legal services, head on over. I mean, I hope they're good. Yeah, I'm sure they are.

Deb:

Yeah, I think yeah, send them some boxes yeah.

Abbie:

Hey, the lawyers probably need some mocktail boxes.

Deb:

for being honest, I was going to say this yes, they might need this Totally. Well, check you guys out and get their subscriptions and all that good stuff.

Abbie:

We are super excited. Appreciate you so much. Deb, take care, appreciate you.

Deb:

Big time cheers to you for tuning in to the Thriving Alcohol-Free Podcast. I hope you will take something from today's episode and make one small change that will help you to thrive and have fun in life without alcohol. If you enjoyed this episode and you'd like to help support the podcast, please share it with others, post about it on social, send up a flare or leave a rating and a review. I am cheering for you as you discover the world of non-alcoholic drinks and as you journey towards authentic freedom. See you in the next episode.