Sneha Villalva on When Subtraction Becomes Expansion

Every once in a while, I meet someone whose words feel like a deep exhale, and Sneha Villalva is one of those souls. In this heartfelt conversation, we talk about what it really means to cut to the essence in life, in love, and in how we show up in the world.

Sneha is an award-winning storyteller, author, and one of MSN’s Top 10 Leading Speakers to Follow in 2025. Her upcoming book Cut to the Essence is all about living with intention and grace by Clarifying your values, Uncovering your essence, and Treasuring your time. I love the way she talks about subtraction as a way to expand our lives, reminding us that sometimes less really is more.

We also talk about the “power of a pause,” letting go of perfectionism, and learning to live with permission. Sneha opens up about her own story of burnout, healing, and rediscovering peace. This episode is full of gentle wisdom for anyone feeling the weight of doing too much or trying to be everything to everyone.

She reminds us that confidence does not have to be loud, peace does not have to be perfect, and the adventure we are seeking is already happening right here, right now.

Key Takeaways

• How the Cut to the Essence framework can help you live with clarity and calm
• Why subtraction can lead to a fuller, more meaningful life
• The difference between perfection and permission
• Simple ways to lighten your emotional load and reclaim peace
• The beauty of quiet confidence and grounded presence
• Why every great story begins with connection and heart

Links and Resources

• Visit www.snehav.com to learn more about Sneha Villalva’s work and download The Cutting Board, her free reflection guide
• Follow Sneha on 
  • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/snehav_official/
  • YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@snehav_official
• Connect with Sneha on: https://www.linkedin.com/in/snehaabrahamvillalva/

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

SPEAKER_00 0:51

Hi guys, welcome back to the Adventure Paradox podcast, where we have with us today Sneha Vyalva, who is a speechwriter, storyteller, author, and speaker, and she has over two decades of professional writing experience. You would not believe the number of awards this gal has. She was named the MSN's list of top 10 leading speakers to follow in 2025. Sneha's book, Cut to the Essence, which is an acronym. We're going to get into CUT in a minute, will be released in May 2026. Sneha is married, this cracks me up, so listen, to her first and last husband and makes her home in LA, California. And she also always has a little bit of extra dark chocolate on hand. Girl after my own heart, Snehaw, how are you today? And welcome to the show.

SPEAKER_02 1:41

Doing so well, Kat. I wish we could have some dark chocolate right now. It's so great to be here with you.

SPEAKER_00 1:46

I know, right? And listeners, if you have some close by, cue the dark chocolate. We are right there with you. Please take a bite, keep yourself going. What is it about dark chocolate that like does it?

SPEAKER_02 1:55

Oh my goodness. I mean, one, I'm an antioxidant queen. So just knowing that I'm pouring antioxidants into my body and doing good things with something that tastes so delicious, perfect. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:07

Right. Right there with you. You're reminding me I wrote my senior thesis on chocolate. And benefits of chocolate. And this was 1999. So it was like when people were like, chocolate really? Isn't it bad for us? You know? It's like, actually. And how ceremonies and just I love it. I love it so much. And speaking of love, since we just ended with that, and then I want to get into storytelling and origin story of CUT, which is an acronym and what it stands for. Tell us about your husband, the love of your life. How did you find each other? And why is he your first and last?

SPEAKER_02 2:40

Well, my husband's name is Irwin, and he's from Ecuador. He's Ecuadorian American. And we met through a mutual friend, probably about 15 years ago, actually. He saw him at church and he said, I know a girl, and I think you should meet her. And we met, we had our first date. For some reason, it didn't take off. This was like 15 years ago. But fast forward 12 years, and he saw me on the worst dating site ever, said hello. We zoomed the next day, and it was during COVID. Went out the following weekend, went out every weekend since, and got married three years ago in June. So he is amazing, just totally worth the wait. I was 43 when I married him, and it was worth every year plus more for him. So he's congratulations.

SPEAKER_00 3:25

I love that so much. It's reminding me of like the one Harry met Sally love story. And then later, and then yeah. So congrats. Love a good love story. Speaking of a good love story, tell us a little bit more about your book because I believe a book is a book baby. It's a love child that you birth. And I'd love to hear more about the title, the acronym, the origin story, and also how it's going your book writing journey.

SPEAKER_02 3:52

Sure. So the book is called Cut to the Essence. And Cut is an acronym and it stands for C, clarify your values, U, uncover the essence, and T, treasure the time. And what it is is actually a filter. It's a filter to show us that strategic cuts help us live a larger life, that we cut so we can expand. And it's about the power of subtraction to lead a larger, more expansive life. And how we do that is cutting away excess roles, expectations, noise, the burden of perfectionism, the abundance of more, and realizing that by doing less, we can actually be more and be more of ourselves, be more centered, be our best selves and bring more to the table because we're more focused on the one thing instead of everything, because we can't do everything and we can't be everything. We have to choose who we are. We have to clarify what's most important to us, figure out what's most essential, and realize time is short. So we need to embrace the now and live in light of the fact that we don't have a lot of time.

SPEAKER_00 5:04

Oh, so good. My granny, who actually is, I mean, she's past now. She was born in 1900 and passed in 99, but she was in Pacific Palisades, and she always used to say to me, She said, When God made time, he made enough of it. Yes. And I'd love to hear your own story of coming into this beautiful acronym and realizing what is most important to you with the time. What was your cut?

SPEAKER_02 5:34

Yeah. So I was what I call an addition addict. I was a high schooler who had two hands and a dozen plates. I did everything and anything you could possibly imagine. I was leader of multiple clubs, leader in my church, leader in a youth organization. I was in choir, mock trial, academic decathlon. I was basically the teenage equivalent of the egot, right? Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony. And it was just too much to bear. And I had a moment in my junior year when I just fell into an English teacher's arms weeping. And I couldn't express what was going on, but I realized it was the weight of more. It was just too much. And I was not able to bear it. So I did well and I did well in college as well, but I had lost that sparkle. I had dimmed under the weight of more. And I realized over time through repeated mistakes and living and learning that we need to be gentle with ourselves, have grace on ourselves, and not try to be all things to all people or even be all things to the expectations that we have of ourselves. To trust that we're made for certain things, we can do certain things, but we're not made to do it all. There's something bigger that can take care of that, and that's not our job. So I think that is the story, the story of burnout. I went from burning bright to burning out. And that's something I think that's very common. 35% of women surveyed globally rank their mental health as poor or very poor, which is a staggering number. And I've been there and I think it's that burden of bearing too much, of thinking we have to be all things and do all things. And I think that's overloading us, and it's a burden that's too heavy for all of us to bear.

SPEAKER_00 7:28

Absolutely. You have an incredible YouTube channel, and that story was so powerful. So thank you for sharing that because I know someone listening, it's exactly what they needed to hear today. It's like, oh wow, I'm taking on, taking on yes, yes, yes, yes, the yes girl, the edition addict. Yes. Mic dropped that edition addict. But one of your YouTube videos is about lightening the emotional baggage. And I'd love to hear you maybe go a little deeper into how you started to lay things down, or maybe just the power of your no in not taking things on anymore, especially when you're at that place of bottom of like, I don't even know what's going on with me, but I can't take anything else on. Speak to that. Like, how do you decide what baggage to let go of, what baggage to check, and what to carry on?

SPEAKER_02 8:22

Right. Yeah, that's a great question. I think when we hit bottom, we realize what remains, right? And what remains is usually not the things that we're trying to hold up. And so I think how we light that emotional baggage is one, we have to assess if the thing we're doing does it empower us and does it empower people around us? That's the first question. We have to reflect on like, what is this doing? How is this benefiting me or others? And the second question is, does it bring me peace? And if it doesn't bring me peace and it's not helping me or helping others, that's something we need to let go of because it's just not worth the time and effort. And if we're not serving ourselves, serving others, and living in a place of peace, it's not worth it. So we have to come to that point of letting go of needing to be perfect, letting go of the perfectionism. And I believe for me it's been needing to lean into permission more than perfection and giving myself the space to say it's okay to be who I am in the fullness of who I am and not try to be perfect, because that's not my role. My role is to be the best version of myself and to lean into grace and lean into peace and lean into helping others, but also just come from a place of centeredness, knowing that my values are what guide me and that we need to stop living by someone else's script. And I think that's really important, and also find that one essential thing that's buried under all those other things, like what's the thing that makes me tick? What's the thing that makes me get up in the morning or I dream about at night? And also what helps me live aligned with meaning, not just motion.

SPEAKER_00 10:06

Yeah. Oh my gosh, so good. And I love what you just said about permission versus perfectionism. As my listeners know, I'm on this TEDx journey to in January. And I was joking with someone who's giving me some feedback about the talk, and she was like, I think it's great. What do you want? I'm like, I want more spice, I want more mic drops. And she was like, I get where you're coming from, but I really think it's really good as it is. I was like, all right, who let perfectionism in here? Like, you know, I'm carrying it on my back. So the follow-up question I have for you though, is I was watching one of your YouTube videos. I was wondering about this, and we had a guest on not too long ago who was talking about co-regulating with horses and the energetic quality we get from working with horses. I don't know how people are with horses, but she used the same word peace. And she said, a horse in homeostasis is at peace. That's what they want, is they want to be peace in nature, at peace with the herd. You know, they might have a little sort of bucking and dynamic about like who's top dog or horse rather, to get, you know. But they just want peace. And so when you brought up that question of does it bring me peace, I was thinking about a particular situation. And I was thinking, honestly, it doesn't bring me more peace, but recognizing that the alternative might lead to more pain or more drama versus letting it go isn't quite peace. Do you get what I'm getting at? So, like I'd love to hear you kind of wrestle a little more with if you've had any experiences with, and you know, peace can have like all kinds of other connotations too, right? Yeah. But helping someone really decipher what that piece is or that grounded or that centered space, especially when you're in a really sticky one, where you're like, me doing this might bring me a little peace, it won't bring you more pain, but it's gonna cause things for other pe you know, especially like codependency and those kinds of ideas.

SPEAKER_02 11:59

So something that will uh potentially bring peace or just a little bit of peace, but has collateral damage. Is that what you're yeah?

SPEAKER_00 12:07

And also like when you were wrestling with does this bring me peace? Because again, it might be a thing where it doesn't bring you peace, but some of the other options could either bring more pain, more drama, definitely not peace that way. Right. This doesn't feel like it's sort of like that question of duality where it's like sometimes it can get a little bit girl.

SPEAKER_02 12:30

Yeah, well, sometimes I think we have to look beyond the short term to the long term. Like in the immediate, this is actually probably going to be really disruptive and maybe uncomfortable. But if I look at something from the long range, like how is this going to bring me to a better place? For instance, if you're in a career that is squashing your well-being, your self-esteem, your self-worth, and it's affecting you physically, it's not a very peaceful choice to decide, oh, I think I gotta go, because that actually upsets everything in your balance. Because it's scary. Your body's not doing well, potentially your mind's not doing well, you're clinging on to something because it is a support and it is something very meaningful and necessary. But in the long view, this stepping into the discomfort could bring peace in the long range because you're making decisions moving towards peace. Does that make sense? It totally does. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:28

And I'm thinking about sort of a simpler one because the other one I'm thinking about is relational and bigger thing, but a smaller one. And bodybuilders use the term cut a lot. So I'm thinking as you've been playing with this book, you've come upon it. But the idea of cutting, which is usually cutting calories, so that you show the muscle that you've bulked and been training for. And it's very uncomfortable not to eat when you're hungry. You know, it's like again, the peace on the other side of following through the discipline. Arnold Schwarzenegger, who's a bodybuilder, his book, I think, is called Stay Hungry or something like that. Sort of this like play-on for bodybuilders to like stay in a slight state of hunger to achieve that physique, that kind of which ultimately then peace. I'm generalizing bodybuilders.

SPEAKER_02 14:18

Yeah, yeah. It reminds me of this poet slash theologian. He's passed, but he has a book and it's called A Long Obedience in the Same Direction. And it's that concept of like you're constantly walking towards something in that direction. You haven't arrived yet, but you keep going to that bodybuilder metaphor. Like you have to have that discipline day in and day out to arrive at your destination. So I think that's very apt.

SPEAKER_00 14:44

Absolutely. Another thing that I'm thinking about as you're talking about that and another one of your awesome YouTube videos, which by the way, at the end of this, we'll tell you where to find her. And you can go find them in the show notes now if you're in a hurry. But this idea of the power of quiet confidence. And I remember I do a lot of work with horses, a lot of horse adventure coaching and different things, especially working with animals in nature. But one of my favorite teachers is Linda Kohenov, and she's written like 20 books in equine assisted coaching and the Dao Equist and all these different things. But she talked about when looking at a herd, you'll have some sort of alpha who is the quiet alpha mare. She just quietly makes sure everyone gets their turn at the water. And then you have others who are like really aggressive. They're like, you can't have your time now. Not now, not till I'm done, you know? And they'll like bite. And she just holds her own, gets her water first, but without being mean about it, that quiet confidence, and then make sure the rest of the herd has their time without too much nickering to each other. That's what this title made me think of the power of quiet confidence. And I'd love to hear you expand on it and just give us your view of what you've seen and what you're talking about when you refer to this power of quiet confidence.

SPEAKER_02 16:07

Yeah, that is very significant to me because it reminds me of my grandfather. He was a very quiet man. My sister would say we hear three words from him: one in the morning, one in the afternoon, and one at night. And he really was a man of very few words. But he had this presence about him that just spoke so much more loudly than anything he could say. And he had a confidence on his bearing and his face and his standing. He was a small man, but he stood like a statesman, just had this very quiet confidence. And when he spoke, people would listen because actually he didn't speak very often. So you wanted to pay attention when he did speak. And I think measuring our words, measuring our behavior, all of that exudes this almost nurturing quality, right? And I think that's something that we miss is confidence that nurtures. We're so individualistic that we're thinking about ourselves. We're primarily focused on ourselves. And I think that's where it can actually be insecurity masquerading as confidence. So I think that quietness can actually believe a really deep strength. And we just have to move from a quiet place. And I think that means being centered on our values and not being caught up in what are other people thinking of me or how can I make the most noise to get the most attention. And I think we live in a culture of noise where we speak over each other, where we want to the loudest voices get heard, but often it's the quiet voices that have something really meaningful to say. So I think if we quiet ourselves and quiet our hearts and all of those things, we can come from a place that's very centered and speak with meaning and intention and lead with kindness because we're not wreaking havoc trying to get to the top, right? But we're bringing others with us. So I think that's where that comes from.

SPEAKER_00 18:02

So good. I think it was my Angelo, but I could be wrong, who said, no one will remember what you said. They'll only remember how you made them feel.

SPEAKER_02 18:11

Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 18:13

Another statistic that came across my field this week is this idea that 78% of our communication is nonverbal.

SPEAKER_01 18:23

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 18:24

And one of my favorite songs is by Allison Krause. I'm totally gonna butcher this, but here we go, guys. And the line is something like, You say it best when you say nothing at all. Right? Beautiful song, yeah. And you know the song, and I just like I go to that. It's also a song I sang to my grandpa when I thought he was passing. When he rallied for another two years, but we really thought that was the last night. And I just showed up with a letter about how much I love him and yeah, played that song for him because he was kind of in a different state, yeah. And I feel like speech writing, and I saw this really awesome TEDx talk. I'll drop it in here because it was so good, you guys. But this TEDx talk is all about nothing. And literally the guy goes off on like all he's doing is practicing his tone, practicing like, and now I'm gonna start talking like this because I'm leading up to the conclusion like I have something important to say about nothing, you know, it's so funny, and it's so good. I mean, it's just like it's so good, but it's also great speakers. I'm a huge fan of Martin Luther King Jr., like really studying the great orators, how they speak, not just what they say, but how they speak. But the other side of it is what they said, because some of them, Ave Link, we don't see those speeches anymore. We see what's written. I'd love to hear you talking a little bit more about speech writing itself, as you're using this cut idea and the 20 years of experience you've had with it, in terms of like really thinking about the words you're putting out there, not just the way we say them, but the words themselves.

SPEAKER_02 20:52

The content, not just the delivery. Yeah. The content is where the substance is at. In terms of choosing the words, again, the cut method is really applicable. We need to clarify what am I trying to communicate? Like that one big idea. We're not trying to say five things. If we try to say five things, no one will remember anything. Right. So, what's that one controlling idea? And I think every word should pay its rent and lead to that one idea. I think also uncover the essence comes to that too. Like, what's the most important thing, the driving force behind this? And how do I choose my sentences, my paragraphs, my word choice according to this one controlling idea? Because we only remember one thing. And also we need to honor our audience's time. Treasuring the time, right? We have to remember that attention spans are short, and I think now it's what a three-second average attention span, like much less than a goldfish. So we have to make ourselves memorable and make ourselves meaningful in a really rapid amount of time so that we leave a lasting impression. So those words we choose really count. Every word counts. And so we can't have fluff, we have to have focus. And I think that's very, very important in writing is that focus because we want to say a million things, but really no one's gonna remember a million things, and we just want them to remember one thing.

SPEAKER_00 22:19

Okay, let's talk about that one thing, especially because you're a storyteller, right? So when you're thinking about telling a story or again having a limited amount of time, how do you think about that one thing you're trying to drive home? Is it sort of the moral of the story? I don't remember what she said, but it was a funny story. Is it like how do you kind of decide on the tone of your story when you're deciding whether that story is fluff or focus?

SPEAKER_02 22:48

Yeah, that's great. Well, it goes back to the Maya Angelo quote, right? I think we have to hone in on the emotion of the story. What is the core, the heart of the story that I can communicate? Because you can get caught up in the setting up the setting, you can get caught up in the details, but how do you get to the emotional core of that story so the audience is left with an impression? So I think that again, they're gonna remember how we made them feel, right? So I think getting to the heart of the story where the most potent emotions are felt, where you see where the story is shown, not just told, right? Pictures with our words. I think that's very important. That it's illustrative, not just statements. We need to invite the listener into our story and have them see the story through our eyes. And I think that's very important. The invitation, the description, the emotion, those two three things would be really important.

SPEAKER_00 23:44

Totally. And I love this, especially I'm thinking about in the context of using your wisdom, using your magic, your original medicine, as you're writing your own book right now. And you're looking at the words, and I'm guessing you're filtering it through your own stuff, but also we can't see ourselves. Like sometimes we're so close to it. What's your editing process like? Who do you reach out to? How do you decide if when you share something? And also May 2026, like how and why is that your deadline? That's always out there.

SPEAKER_02 24:14

Yeah, it is, but it's going by fast. I know it. It's going by really fast. Yeah, I think there's a wood chopping time where you're just in the woodshed chopping wood and trying to get your words right, trying to get the story right, trying to form the words. And you need that alone time and that solitude. But that solitude is not the end all be all. You have to create in community as well, I believe. So that's where having a great editor is really important. I'm with a great publishing house and I have a fantastic developmental editor. And that extra set of eyes is very important, but you do need to choose that set of eyes very carefully because sometimes the people too close to you won't be able to absorb it in the same way, right? So you have to be very strategic about who you choose. And I think that process, you have to be brutal. You have to be willing to, you know, they say kill your darlings, right? Those things that seem that turn of phrase that seems really great to you. You need an outside perspective to say, actually, I don't get that. That doesn't make sense. And I think it's also important to write what you need to write and then set it aside and come back to it later. Because that's the downfall of like cramming at the last minute, is you don't have that space to let it breathe and for you to revisit it and able to refine it because the editing is just as important as the initial writing. And first drafts should rarely see the light of day. So it's very important to step away from it, have somebody else look at it and choose someone who understands who you are, but who's also going to be willing to say the hard thing and tell you if it's working or not working and why. And I think stepping away is important, editing is important, and please don't share your first drafts.

SPEAKER_00 25:57

So yeah, that's okay. That's good. And I love the idea of killing your darlings, which is like a favorite conversation to come back to. And the thing about storytelling, which I love so much, and going back to storytelling, but we're going to connect it to speaking for a moment here, is historically before we were writing stories down, they were passed down. They're passed down from our grandparents, they're passed down from the elders and our and they weren't written down.

SPEAKER_02 26:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:27

You would have to find someone who knew the story who could tell it again so that you could hear it enough times that you knew sort of the key elements to then go and tell somebody else. But there can be that game of telephone where things are forgotten, right?

SPEAKER_02 26:40

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 26:42

When you're speaking, have you ever had a moment where you're up there, you're delivering, you know the story, but maybe you missed something or you had to rearrange it or you were working with someone doing that. And do you have any tips for people when you're literally in it, you're on your feet, you are telling the story. Yeah. What are your thoughts about that? Like when you're actually in the living, thriving stage experience, which is quite different from the slower editing process where we press publish.

SPEAKER_02 27:10

Yeah, I think that's where the power of the pause is really important. Just stopping, not saying anything, pausing and collecting your thoughts. Take a deep breath and pause. That actually happened to me recently when I gave a talk and I got a little flustered at one point, but I think, thank goodness, I just stopped. And the pause makes you look like you know what you're doing because it has gravitas, and you stop and you're not stumbling, you just pause and recollect and pick up, and the audience will not know because you're the one that owns that story. So you just have to give yourself the grace to pause. I think pausing in life, pausing and speaking, pausing and writing, all those things are very powerful. So I think when we can take a moment to recollect, breathe and pause and then restart, we'll be in a good place. So yeah. So powerful.

SPEAKER_00 28:05

The power of a pause. I do think that's a book out there, too. I feel like I've seen. But the power of a pause mic drop. Yeah. I feel like that is a pretty good note to end on, and that people are going to want to come and find you. They're going to want to work with you. Will you tell us about your offers, your favorite places to hang out, websites? This will all be in the show notes. But in case someone's just listening and wants to go find you later, what are the best ways for them to find you and connect with you?

SPEAKER_02 28:32

Yeah, I'm on SnehaV.com, which is S-N-E-H-A-V.com. And my handles are at Sneha V underscore official, both on Instagram and YouTube. I'm on LinkedIn at Sneha VLva. And if you go to sneha v.com and send me your email, I have a free reflection guide for you. It's called the cutting board. And I would love to send that to you. And also you can get early access to my book. And that would be amazing to share that with you and help you walk through the cut method. And would love to stay connected and share the book with you as well.

SPEAKER_00 29:08

Awesome. Fantastic. And we'll put this all in the show notes so you guys can find it there. But if there are any last takeaways, anything you feel we haven't covered, you know, one thing we talked about before the mic started rolling is connection to animal or connection to this adventure called life that you've been called to. Like, what are you going for right now? Or is there something that we haven't covered? You want to be sure our audience hears.

SPEAKER_02 29:33

Well, I do like the name of your show. And I love the word paradox. And I think the paradox I would leave you with is that addition can diminish, but subtraction can enlarge. And I think that's true for our lives, that we think adding more will make us bigger, but actually it makes us smaller. And we think subtracting will make us smaller, but it actually makes us larger. And actually, cuts don't diminish us, they shape us. So I think we need to live in that paradox of realizing that we can be more by doing less and do less and be more. So I think that's the paradox I would leave you with. And in terms of animals, embrace them, love them while you have them because they're precious and they bring so much love and personality and energy to your home. And you never forget them. You never forget them, even after they've passed. So yeah, enjoy them.

SPEAKER_00 30:29

Oh, love that. And I'm rooting for you, for your next animal coming into your home, by the way. Thank you for leaving us with that, the adventure paradox, and that oh my gosh, addition can diminish, and subtraction can make us. I can't read my words.

SPEAKER_02 30:48

Can enlarge. Addition can diminish, subtraction can enlarge. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:53

I love that paradox and that reflection. Spoken like a true minimalist, by the way. But it is, it's so true and like really refining to get down to that essence is such a powerful gift. So take that home with you, you guys. If you loved this, share it with a friend, subscribe, follow, please leave us a review. And Sneha, thank you so, so much for your time today. It has been a blessing to be with you and learn about your incredible medicine. I can't wait for your book to come out.

SPEAKER_02 31:20

Thank you, Kat. Thank you so much for having me. It's been such a pleasure.