CANCELLED & BRANDED PRO RAPE! "It Had Escalated So Quickly That I Was Terrified" with Dapper Laughs

This week, I’m stripping off and going down on the colourful journey of Daniel O'Reilly, (aka Dappa Laughs) exploring the highs and lows that have shaped his life and career. Dapper reflects on losing everything, and the huge fallout he faced with the public after he was CANCELLED! From the early days of crafting characters to the unexpected challenges of being branded “pro rape” by the media, I delve into the relentless storm of scrutiny Dappa has faced. Amidst the chaos, I uncover the huge support that sustained him through the darkest of times as he sheds light on his struggles with addiction and mental health. “For about 3 or 4 years, I'd just drink and sniff coke. I was just out. I was just hiding from my life, escaping my life.” And just when you thought we'd covered it all, we'll explore the profound impact of fatherhood and the delicate balance of comedy and sensitivity. So, whether you're a die-hard fan or a newcomer to the Dapperverse, there's something here for everyone. So, without further ado, let's peel back the layers and uncover the man behind the personas.

TIMESTAMPS
0:00 - Intro
1:17 - Dapper's Backstory
4:43 - Being Branded Pro Rape - Losing the TV Show into Losing Everything
8:30 - How was the relationship with the missus during and after this time?
9:36 - Support Network
10:25 - Do you ever miss it or do you see it differently now?
12:35 - What was the turning point?
16:17 - Mindset
20:03 - Where did the ideas for the characters come from?
21:10 - How do you test things between jokes and social media accounts?
23:43 - Taking Control of Brand, Distribution, Business, Self-Promotion
26:43 - Getting a Completely Different Audience from Podcasting
29:18 - How has being a father changed you?
30:07 - Has Being a Dad Affected Work or Are They Separate?
31:01 - How do you do Comedy without risking offending someone?
35:28 - 2 Films Out, 1 On The Way - How did they come about?
41:11 - Perspective
44:47 - Misfits Boxing, Cage Fight and Training around Sobriety
51:41 - Do you fear slipping out of sobriety again?
53:00 - How has the friendship circle changed since being sober?
55:41 - What's Next to Look Forward to with Dapper?
56:14 - Conclusion

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Who Is Matt Haycox? - Click for BADASS Trailer

As an entrepreneur, investor, funding expert and mentor who has been building and growing businesses for both myself and my clients for more than 20 years, my fundamental principles are suitable for all industries and businesses of all stages and size.

I’m constantly involved in funding and advising multiple business ventures and successful entrepreneurs.

My goal is to help YOU achieve YOUR financial success! I know how to spot and nurture great business opportunities and as someone who has ‘been there and got the t-shirt’ many times, overall strategies and advice are honest, tangible and grounded in reality.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

My friend fucking Lucy or something loves you. She's gagging for a rape. And I said what's that? She's gagging for a rape. Daffer Laughs. Mr Dan O'Reilly. Hello, welcome to the show. Thanks for having me, mate. It's good to be back. Man, give us a bit of backstory. I was one of the first sort of large comedy influencers that kicked off with a platform called Vine. It had a big audience, got crashing down and then they started targeting the venues, the press. Are you going to let him perform here? He's pro-rape. He's pro-rape. How was your relationship with your missus Really difficult for her? Great moments, but really dark moments as well. I just drank and sniffed coke. I thought my addiction was. You wake up every day and you grab a bottle of vodka or you sniff a line of coke or you inject yourself with heroin every day without fail.

Speaker 2: 0:38

How can you do comedy without the risk of somebody turning around to?

Speaker 1: 0:41

use it against you. The press and the media actually made me believe for a certain amount of time that I was a bad person because of jokes that I said. And I look back on it now and I think it's insane. I almost took my own life. I was just so lard.

Speaker 2: 0:58

Hey, matt Haycox, here, with a quick interruption, just to say I hope you're liking the show, but please, please, like, subscribe or comment. That's how we can bring you better guests, that's how we can make the show better each week. So please, please. That's all I ever ask of you. We never charge, we never ask anything else. Just please give us a few moments of your time, all right? Well, listen, we were talking a bit before we started this and I was saying that, you know, I guess I want to, I want to go heavy on on your story and journey since uh, you know, since we last saw each other, because you know you've been up to quite a lot since then. But for the viewers and listeners that don't know you already or just need a bit of a recap to some context, give us, give us a bit of backstory um, well, I'm quite prolific in regards to social media.

Speaker 1: 1:41

I was one of the first um, or if not the first sort of large comedy influencers. That um kicked off with a platform called vine, grew onto facebook, snapchat, all of that stuff. Uh, now tiktok, but it wasn't around back then. But creating comedy content I was really. There wasn't really anyone else doing it when I was doing it.

Speaker 1: 1:59

I was a stand-up comedian that started doing it early on and I blew up Quite controversial, really naughty comedy, you know, considered, you know lad humour and stuff like that. But it had a big audience, millions of followers across social media, got a TV show, ended up on ITV2 and it all quite quickly came crashing down through some arguments with the press and the press sort of twisted and taken some of the things I said out of context. I was also, you know, a bit wild back then and I said a lot of wild stuff and I was the first comedian really to get cancelled, cancelled off TV, lost me tour, lost me TV show, lost all me money, lost me house, you know. Lost me father around the same sort of time and then sort of lost me mind. Were you with father around the same sort of time and then lost sort of lost me mind were you with your missus that you were now that you got the kids with?

Speaker 2: 2:49

were you with her at that time?

Speaker 1: 2:50

yeah, I've been with her for just over 10 years and um, yeah, and then, as a result of that, struggled heavily in um, addiction, mental health. I was was, you know, attempted suicide. I was going to attempt suicide at one point and heavy into my drink and drugs and stuff like that. But as a result of all that, now coming out the back end of it, I'm a bit of a mental health advocate. I've got a large mental health group called Men and their Emotions on Facebook where we help lads that are going through similar things. It's just like a mental health page on Facebook and a podcast on sobriety and I've kind of gone full circle.

Speaker 1: 3:32

And you know, 10 years later it's taken 10 years to get back on tour. But I'm currently on a 35-date UK tour which is more or less sold out. I think there's about two dates left to sell out, like a handful of tickets and, uh, it's just been extended by 25 dates. So it's, like you know, the biggest, the biggest tour that I've ever done in my life. It's going to be near on 50 dates or or more, and um, and then another tour has been confirmed and I've got my stand-up's better than ever, you know, and I'm also 535 days, sober 535, okay, something around there now. So life is very different and I've got another baby on the way, so exciting times. That'll be number three. That'll be number three. Do you know what it is? Little girl, another girl, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 4:19

So third girl, and I think that's God's way of punishing me for all my sexist and misogynistic content back in the day.

Speaker 2: 4:28

These three girls I've got my eldest 17-year-old and I've got an 11-month-old now little girl as well. I would say I was sent to punish me for all the bad things I've done. Well, I guess many different avenues we can go down. I think things to talk about. I think just just one. When it comes to kind of failure and bouncing back, when you, when you lost, um, the tv show, what? Why was the knock-on effect then of of losing the money?

Speaker 1: 4:58

you're losing everything because you still, you still presumably had your audience and your social media audience and things yeah, the, the media had done a really good job in completely destroying my reputation, like me, as a name, as a brand. But you know, so, commercially, like within, like the TV world. Well, first of all, I couldn't work as a comedian because the press were contacting all the venues and saying, because it was all over a comment at a gig, like a rape joke, right where what it was was. I actually went on, I was on tour and I think it's the Huffington Post done a piece on me saying that my TV show was an almanac for rape culture, because I was teaching young men how to seduce women with jokes and everything like that, and they really took offence to it. It was just like satirical comedy, you know, like a dating show for lads, right, um, but they'd done this hit piece on it saying that it was an almanac for rape culture. I was really angry about it. I went on stage and I was like if I wanted to make an almanac for rape culture, I wouldn't have written six 30 minute episodes. I would have said to the lads just go down the road, road, get some duct tape and grab a woman or whatever, and then a woman at the front of the row at the front in the audience has said well, my friend fucking Lucy, or something loves you, she's gagging for a rape. And I said what's that? She's gagging for a rape.

Speaker 1: 6:15

And they cut it together and put it together and released it and said that I was a pro-rape comedian. It was insane. And they put it all out there and then they started targeting the venues, the press Are you going to let him perform here? He's pro-rape. He's pro-rape Like. Who the fuck's pro-rape, apart from rapists, obviously? But and it blew my mind and I didn't think it would catch on, but it did the TV show 60,000 people signed. The venues all started pulling. So then the big promoters just pulled the whole thing and then even the little comedy clubs.

Speaker 1: 6:47

Even for years to come, you know I'd try and get gigs to test material and no one would touch me because I was still pro-raping their eyes. You know from the press that everything had gone out and, as a knock-on effect to that, brands didn't want to work with me so I couldn't monetize my social media. This was before you got paid for views and everything like that. So I was forced to make like legitimate. I mean for about three years, three or four years. I just drank and sniff coke. I was just out. Do you know what I mean? I just thought you know I was. I was just hiding. Do you know what I mean? From my life, escaping my life, escaping who I was?

Speaker 2: 7:19

not doing any work.

Speaker 1: 7:20

At that point I was. I was trying to, I was still trying to be funny, but I would just encounter so much hate online from what the press had done that it was very difficult to do it without it really damaging my mental health. But I had a series of really low points, you know, like when my father passed away I broke up with my missus, found out she was pregnant. That was a difficult time. Do you know what I mean? I was pregnant with first baby, um neve and um I was. I almost took my own life.

Speaker 1: 7:48

I was just so low at that point managed to pull myself out of that. Never, never, really saw the drink and drugs as a problem but managed to sort my mental health out to a better standard, got back with her and started repairing my life. But the drink and drugs just kept pulling me kind of deeper into holes. But during that time, once I sort of motivated myself and got out of a real dark patch after my dad died, I started building businesses behind the scenes that I'd promote as if they weren't mine. Do you know what I mean? As if I was getting brand deals which kind of worked in my favour because it let other brands think that I was brand worthy and also built businesses that now sustain me. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2: 8:30

How was your relationship with your missus during the kind of three years and in the aftermath of things going wrong?

Speaker 1: 8:38

Well, right up until about a couple of years, well, right up until I went sober a year and a half ago. The relationship with my missus has been really difficult for her up and down. You know great moments but really dark moments as well.

Speaker 1: 8:52

I was battling addiction, for I've been battling addiction my whole life, you know, and she, she's, she's not a drinker, drugger, she or no she she'll drink, but she doesn't drink now, um, not because she's got a problem, but if she goes out with her friends she might have a glass of wine and that, but she doesn't get drunk. But not around you. Yeah Well, she can drink around me, I'm fine with it, but it's she's pregnant now anyway, but, but no, not really. But it caused a lot of problems. Man worked out a lot about why I drank now and why, why I'm an addict, and it's just any thoughts, feelings or anything that was more too difficult for me to handle. I'd escape it by drinking, and that was every weekend. Every week was whether the week was easy or hard. You know, I was either celebrating or commiserating every fucking weekend.

Speaker 2: 9:36

So and what about the people around you? I mean, did you have any kind of support system, any people trying to pull you out of it or no?

Speaker 1: 9:43

everyone, everyone around me dick Dickheads as well. Well, yeah, everyone. Family friends, everyone drinks, everyone does drugs, everyone.

Speaker 2: 9:51

But I guess, drink and drugs aside, you know, was anyone trying to help you kind of dig yourself out of the pit that you're in.

Speaker 1: 10:01

No, I think that we put on a brave face, didn't we? And maybe people didn't realize how bad it was for me. But also drinking drugs is our culture in this country. So I mean, everyone I know drinks and majority of them take drugs. So you know me just. I was just with different groups. Every you know, during the week maybe you know I'd get get on it a couple of times in a week, and then the weekend, and you know it's not like the same person. They're different groups.

Speaker 2: 10:25

And how do you think about that? Now as a sober person, you know like looking at other pissed people. I mean, do you I guess I know you can't do it because you've got to stay away from that world because of what it does to you, but do you ever miss it? Or do you actually now look at other drinkers and pissed up people thinking you look all right cunt?

Speaker 1: 10:44

Yeah, I don't miss it, you do. The hardest thing about going is because I tried to go sober before and I cracked towards Christmas. I'd done like nearly six months and it was coming up to Christmas and I was like, oh, you know what? I've proved that I haven't got a problem, I'm getting bored and everyone's having fun, but me, christmas is coming, I'm gonna have a cut the beers. But what I worked out is because I might my thinking of addiction.

Speaker 1: 11:12

I thought my addiction was you wake up every day and you grab a bottle of vodka or you sniff a line of coke or you inject yourself with heroin every day without fail. But I was never like that. I'd some, I'd go a week without drinking sometimes and um, but I'd never really pass a weekend without drinking in some form. But when I drank I drank hard and then majority of the time I used drugs and what I realised is addiction to some people is not the frequency of how much you drink, but what happens when it touches your lips when you drink. And for me everything would go out the window. I'd become an arsehole, I wouldn't give a shit and I'd drink and you know it wouldn't end. Do you know it wouldn't end. Do you know what I mean? And that first time round I was still looking at it as like I was missing out.

Speaker 1: 11:49

But as soon as I went back, the carnage was so severe for so long it went on for like eight months. The carnage like I fucked everything up in my life to the point where I broke up with my missus. Do you know what I mean? We had two young kids. I couldn't go to the house and I'd ruined loads of shit in such a short space of time. It escalated so quickly that I was terrified. Do you know what I mean? I was like wow, I really am fucked. And then the that time this time that I went sober, it was like I didn't feel like I was missing out. I was like get me away from this shit. And now that I'm free of it, like the habitual feeling and like the triggers are gone. It takes a while, but once the triggers are gone and everything, and you can be around it and you're not thinking about getting off your nut or drinking, you kind of look at it like, yeah, isn't it weird that everyone needs to get like this?

Speaker 2: 12:37

Going back to, I guess, the aftermath of being cancelled and the kind of two or three years of problems and depression. What was the turning point?

Speaker 1: 12:50

How did you start to?

Speaker 2: 12:50

get back out of it. Well, after all of that, yeah, so you've lost a show, you've lost the money, you're smashing the drink and the drugs you're not getting work. Yeah, what was that turning point? How did you get back out?

Speaker 1: 13:03

of it. I don't know. I think you know it was just. I think I just grieved my father. And then, when I started to feel something a little bit different, I just started getting back to work creating content and I think the turning point was when I realised that there was still an audience for me you know what I mean. When I realised there still was love for me, for my work, and not everyone bought into that, what the, what the, the social media had had portrayed, and then what I just simply started focusing. The turning point for me was when I started focusing on the positive stuff, not the negative stuff, and even though the positive stuff was like this and the negative stuff was like that, I just gripped hold of that. You know, the fact that I had a baby, uh, the fact that there was some money coming in the, the fact that my business was doing all right, the fact that there is some love, and I just focused on that. I mean now, when I look at it now, I can't find a negative comment.

Speaker 2: 13:55

I mean, I would imagine as well, because I was trying to find analogies for the people listening, you know, to apply to their business or their situation. For the people listening to apply to their business or their situation, let's take aside, let's say, the impact on your mental health. Or, as upsetting as it may have been getting those people signing petitions or having people hating on you, the reality is none of those people were your audience anyway. And yes, okay, the petition. People had the power ultimately to make ITV, too, cancel you or whatever it may be. But all the people who came to your shows, all the people who were fans of yours.

Speaker 2: 14:33

They were still fans anyway. If anything, it probably made them more diehard fans.

Speaker 1: 14:38

Yeah, I think that one thing I've learned, especially through sobriety going sober is by far the most difficult thing that I've ever done in my life. I've ever encountered and I've taken on some massive challenges. Going sober, making a decision to change your whole life, change your circle of friends, changing what you do with your time, how you make yourself feel better when things are hard, it's the hardest thing and what I learned through it is it's all mindset, it's all how you view yourself. Everything about sobriety, about life, about success, absolutely everything is about the picture that you paint of yourself inside your head. So if I wake up in the morning, I know that my baseline level of living is actually negative. I don't wake up with a spring in my step. I'm looking for what the problem is every day, who don't like me, what's going to go wrong, what's the fucking problem? And I?

Speaker 1: 15:27

But I know that that's a mindset that can be altered early on. So that's why I train first thing in the morning and I write in my diary first thing in the morning. I set out my day and I focus on the positive things as soon as I can right. So the kids, you know, like real, just the simplest thing. I wrote it on my facebook yesterday, on monday. I just said, man, my wife's heavily pregnant and healthy, my two girls are healthy. Do you know what I mean? I'm healthy. I'm living the fucking dream you could take everything away from me, but as long as I had that, I wouldn't. I mean it would be hard, but if you took that away from me, do you know what I mean? So for me, I just realised that everything is about perspective, how you view yourself in your mind, how you view your life. You know Like, is it really an issue, all these issues, or are you fucking privileged and blessed? So if you can shift your mindset early in the day, you're normally on for a good one.

Speaker 2: 16:20

I think there's probably a slight bit of a parallel to one of my stories here as well, which is something I often get asked or often talk about to do my bankruptcy, which is many, many moons ago now. But you know, I went bankrupt in 2008. You know, effectively yesterday had everything. Well, today had nothing from a business perspective, and you know I was 26, 27. You know, I've been running multiple seven or eight figure businesses and then within the space of about eight weeks, everything had been pulled down and I woke up. I woke up with nothing and I now I always you know, I've never really been a drinker or a depressive, uh, you know, depressed kind of person, so I guess that probably assisted me.

Speaker 2: 17:00

But one of the questions people always say to me is how did you come back from losing everything? Uh, and it's only really over the last few years that I've started to understand, understand or maybe see it this. But I look at it and say, actually, when you say I lost everything, I actually didn't. The only thing I lost was my money. Other than that, I didn't lose anything. I didn't lose my experience, I didn't lose my knowledge, I didn't lose my network. I didn't lose whatever my skills are.

Speaker 1: 17:24

You just lost a pot saying you were building.

Speaker 2: 17:26

Yeah, just lost some money and okay, it's sad. I mean I'd rather have been in the Ferrari than in the Uber, but they were the kind of easy things to fix because I made that money from my experience and from my knowledge which now, by the way, is eight years more experience than it was before and I had no fear that I was going to make it again. And I guess in your kind of situation it's the same thing. You know what made you famous. Okay, you've lost it, but it was your comedy.

Speaker 1: 17:56

You can't take away my creativity, no, but I love that. That's exactly what I champion, that kind of mindset, and I love that. And I think sometimes and again, your image if you hold onto your image and how people perceive you and you put that in front of everything else, then you image. If you hold onto your image and how people perceive you and you put that in front of everything else, then you know, because what you lost at the time was an image of being successful as well, and that could break people. People could go. This is so embarrassing, this is so bad, and that's your initial feeling. And that's what I felt when I lost the TV show lost everything. I think you have to grieve the loss of your image. Do you know what I mean? But if you hold onto that too much, how can you fucking reinvent yourself? You can't.

Speaker 2: 18:33

But I think as well you know the people that you try and hold onto that image for are not the fans, are not the supporters no, no, no, no, you're like when I said, okay, I had multiple cars at the time. I mean this obviously yes, I would rather have had the Ferrari.

Speaker 1: 18:51

Yeah, of course, but it ain't life and death, it doesn't make any fucking difference. Yeah, I get that. I get that, yeah.

Speaker 2: 18:55

And the people that would only look at me and be interested in me because I was arriving in a Bentley.

Speaker 1: 19:06

He gives a fuck about it. Last time I was like I'm going to treat myself. Business is good. I bought myself a McLaren and you know, and then, just this time around, with my sobriety, this time around I was like I'll never drive this McLaren. I've got fucking two kids and another one on the way.

Speaker 1: 19:21

Do you know what I mean? Like what is it? It's bright orange. It sat on my drive. I'm like what is I mean? It's lovely, but like, really, with the amount of money I'm making to justify having having 120 000 pounds cash in it, like when we're going through a recession or when everything is going on. I just looked at it and I thought you're not quite there yet. Like this is silly. Do you know what I mean? Whereas before there's no way I would have got rid of it, I'd got it, it was a badge of honor and I was like you know, I'm still making money, it's fine and I'm at it going. That money surely could be spent somewhere else. Do you know what I mean? So, but I think I really feel like that was going through. My sobriety just kind of helped me chip away, get rid of all of these, this image, this mask that I was wearing and that was part of it.

Speaker 2: 20:04

And you just said that no one can take away your creativity. I mean you've created some super cool characters. I mean you've created some super cool characters. Yeah, thank you, my personal favourite. I forget his name.

Speaker 1: 20:12

Kid Frankie. Is it yes, kid Frankie?

Speaker 2: 20:13

the little tuck shop boy. Yeah, I mean, where do the ideas for these come from? I mean, are these things all based on some kind of personal experience? Yeah, I think. I don't know. I'm sure the Sesh Gremlin is.

Speaker 1: 20:27

Yeah, the Sesh Gremlin is. Yeah. Well, let's use Sesh Gremlin as an example. The Sesh Gremlins like for those of you that have never seen it is this character that's always trying to get me to Sesh, Like, you know, come on, let's go and book a hotel room and get a brass and stuff like that, you know, and I'm like no, no, and I'm fighting it and that's my addiction, right? So I don't know where put them out there, but ultimately, my mind's just a mental place and it makes me laugh, you know. So I couldn't tell you really. You know, I just have a part of my brain that tells me jokes and and comes up with ideas and and says this would be funny, wouldn't it?

Speaker 2: 21:11

and and how do you test stuff? Because I always found it quite interesting when you see the stand-up comedians, like the big, big names, and you don't appreciate when you just see them performing in a big arena, but how that joke's developed over time, that they've gone and performed to 10 people in some shitty club and not really gotten a laugh, then got half a laugh, then gone to 20 people, 50 people and ultimately honed that joke down and I guess it's like anything in business. I mean that joke is a product, isn't it? And it's a product that evolves over time. It takes feedback. I mean, how do you do the same thing with your kind of social media characters, just in the?

Speaker 1: 21:51

same way. Well, yeah, I mean back. I mean, how, how do you do the same thing with your kind of social media characters just in the same way? Well, yeah, I mean, social media is very different from stand-up. I mean, for my stand-up, for instance, I used to write my, I used to write my shows and then, just like, I used to cheat a little bit because, because I've got such a big social media following, I knew that my audience would show up if I put a show on. Do you know what I mean? Mean, so I used to kind of just create what I thought was funny and do it for stand-up.

Speaker 1: 22:13

But now I've got a comedy director and we get out, like this tour, for instance, we've been on the road for about we've been on the road for a year before we went on tour testing material and it's quite similar to social media. You know you've just got to put stuff out and stuff that bangs you to make more of, or you or you improve on, or you know you diversify with it. But stand-up comedy is a completely different beast, like now this show that I'm doing now. It's the best show that I've ever done in my life and that's because when I got my comedy director.

Speaker 1: 22:43

I told him the material, I talked to him about the material. He'd help me hone my performance around it. But he'd take me to comedy clubs where no one knew who I was to perform in front, of, not my audience. So we had to spend a lot of time on the road to see if it was funny to strangers, not to my crowd. And then the shit that made it past the strangers when it got to my crowd was the fucking gold. And how does that feel when you You've got to die on your ass for a long time.

Speaker 2: 23:09

Well, how does it feel, as a successful person who could walk into an audience who loves you and have your ego super boosted, to go into one of these little comedy clubs where no one knows you and you tell a joke?

Speaker 1: 23:20

that's fucking terrible and nobody laughs, to be honest with you Does it hurt yeah yeah, yeah, I mean. Yeah, you question why you're doing it and it can make you feel very insecure and wonder. But also it gave me a completely new zest for stand-up comedy and love for life. You know, going into, you know, like I was starting again. Do you know what I mean? It was great.

Speaker 2: 23:44

I want to talk a bit about, I guess, monetisation of platform. And you know, let's say you know some business analogies again here that my audience can take away. One of the things you did after you started to build back up after your initial downfall was really take control of, I guess, take control of your distribution, take control of your brand and your business. And you know, you've been pretty unique in that fact that you can go out and sell out a tour without you know. You've been pretty unique in that fact that you can go out and sell out a tour without you know, without needing a promoter, like you say, that you can, uh, create a product and sell it or make it look like you've been been sponsored with that.

Speaker 2: 24:23

Um, I mean, I guess obviously it goes to show the importance of you know, of controlling your channels, of, of of having multiple channels, because you know, um, you know it looks great your channels of having multiple channels, because you know it looks great when you're on telly. But if you're on telly and you don't have Instagram, then you know when you're off telly, then you've got a problem. If you've got Instagram and Instagram goes down, but you've not got Facebook, you're fucked. So I always say that one's a very dangerous number and you know you want as much exposure to as much distribution as possible. But uh, I mean, I don't know. You know, just uh, run with that, for me run with that for me for a bit.

Speaker 1: 24:56

Yeah, I mean for me. I worked out, I worked out kind of very quickly that you know if you're, if you're going to be, on social media, people don't want like a fucking diamond. They don't want like a polished diamond, like the most, the biggest commodity that you can have on social media is like being genuine, like do you know what I mean? Authenticity authenticity, yeah, raw authenticity. And relatability. Right, one of the big, one of the big biggest tools on social media, obviously, that gets your name, gets your name or your content or your yourself as a brand out. There is the shareability of your content, and people only really want to share stuff that speaks their voice. Do you know what I mean? So you know if you, if I say something that you disagree with, you're not going to share it, right. But if I say something that you agree with but you ain't got the confidence to say, you're very likely to share it.

Speaker 1: 25:42

And through comedy it's even better because it's hidden in the joke. So for me, I realized that I've got more. I've got it's more. What's more important than the actual fact that it's funny is that there's a message that somebody gets and wants to share, and also in that, within that you can, you can put that message into your marketing of your products and and everything else. It makes it more powerful and with the highs on your social media, with all of your success, it's fantastic to show that.

Speaker 1: 26:12

But it's very important also to show this bad stuff that happens, your negative things, things that don't go right, stuff that you know. Businesses like I show when businesses haven't worked or when I've got things wrong or I'm getting told off for this or that hasn't gone right, or I've lost money here or da-da-da whatever. People relate to it more. They want to see all of it, but I think the key for me has always been work out who's trying to give me money in regards to brands and businesses. And when they're trying to give me a lot of money for things, then I think, right, well, they know something I don't know and try and replicate their businesses and sell that shit myself.

Speaker 2: 26:44

Now you're doing some of your other things, like the Menace to Sobriety podcast, and I think you've well well, maybe it's like the instagram page for that, but uh, I guess you've got two, almost like two distinct brands there, haven't you that? You've got the, the comedy brand, and then you've got that. Has that given you a completely different audience as well? Yeah, definitely crossover.

Speaker 1: 27:03

Yeah, I've seen it at my stand-up shows, uh, and I've kind of written my stand-up show with that in mind. You know, there's a lot of about my past and there's a lot about my future in my stand-up show, a lot about session and a lot about sobriety and mental health. But, yeah, I think it's brought a new audience to my comedy as well, you know, because my podcast and everything has reached a sober audience of people trying to get sober and through that, maybe they've come to my comedy. It hasn't worked the other way around as well, you know, in regards the other way around as well, you know, in regards to there's some backlash from my comedy audience about my sobriety stuff. But I also think that what's made the whole thing very important is the struggle that I found as someone that's come. You know, I'm coming into my 40th year. This year I'm going to be 40, right, I think that a lot of men are going through the exact same thing that I went through where, you know, the party's got to stop. You know what I mean what?

Speaker 2: 27:54

what's the backlash about what you know why?

Speaker 1: 27:56

some people that are still living their life. You know session drinking, and they were into my comedy because it was that. And then I'm going look, I've got a problem and they're going. Well, not really, because I'm the same as you, you haven't got a problem. Or you're saying I've got a problem, do you know? Know what I mean? Or whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you mean? Drinking drugs ain't working for you. We've just spent the last nine years drinking and doing drugs with you. You know, like in their minds. Do you know what I mean? So what it's done is it. Did you know?

Speaker 1: 28:21

At first it caused quite a bit of friction. It alienated a certain percentage of my audience, which left, but ultimately I knew for a fact that I wasn't the only one going through what I was going through. Do you know what I mean? Thinking that I could continue session at the weekend and drinking at the weekend and it wasn't going to affect my relationship with my kids and my wife and my work, just thinking I could get away with that and it would be all right. There's a lot of lads out there that have worked out too late that they've got a problem and they've already lost their missus, their house and their kids, and they're fighting to see their kids while also fighting addiction. So it became a really important message for me that, in fact, the way that I look at it now is everything that happened to me is actually more important than the comedy.

Speaker 1: 29:05

The comedy is great. It's my ego and I love it. And I love being a comedian. I love when people come and say, fucking, I've been watching you for years. It's brilliant, but I love more now that I've actually got something to say on the platform. Do you know what I mean? Something that can help.

Speaker 1: 29:25

How has being a father changed you? It's become the only thing that's important, really, you know and again, I didn't realize the importance of it until I was sober I was fucking it up. Bad um, not necessarily like the kids probably wouldn't know. Do you know what I mean? Um, but I was getting it. I was thinking that money was good parenting. Do you know what I mean? Look, you got a nice house, you got a nice car and they can have everything. I'm going to fucking enjoy myself. I'm working hard. Do you know what I mean when I became sober and I managed to piece my family back together and keep us together? Now it's like you know, you're lucky, you got me here, really, because I don't like leaving the fucking house. I don't like leaving the house, I'd work and then that's it. You know, I'm just, I'm loving being a father, but it's just became my, you know my reason.

Speaker 2: 30:12

I guess, sobriety aside, has it changed any other things Like, for example I don't know, do you ever tell jokes or have parts of your public persona anymore where you think, fuck you know, I don't want my kids to see that.

Speaker 1: 30:26

I'm going to dial that down, or it's work, work and then dad's dad. I've never really cared about that. I sort of say what I think and feel, and to me comedy doesn't my comedy, doesn't what's the word I'm looking for? But it doesn't. I'm not my comedy. Do you know what I?

Speaker 1: 30:40

mean yeah, it's a character, yeah, it's a character, yeah, it's a character and also like I write jokes, because I write jokes, like you know, there's shock humour and there's stuff that's meant to be. You know, people don't. You know people don't. I'll go and talk about stuff on stage that has never happened, that I don't do, and when my kids.

Speaker 2: 31:03

With comedy I mean obviously everybody, not everybody, but there's always a certain subset or group that wants to complain at that comedian saying you know that joke was offensive, you shouldn't have done that. And obviously, so many times where comedians get into trouble. And I love watching comedy and I love very, very naughty you know stand-up type comedy, that's my kind of thing. Naughty, you know, stand-up type comedy, that's my kind of thing. But you know I look at comedy and think it's impossible to do comedy without, you know, without taking the piss out of someone. But you know there's a difference between taking the piss for fun and obviously maliciously believing something and ultimately, to me every niche is under fire. You know, whether you're taking the piss out of women or men or black people or disabled people, whatever it may be, I mean how, I guess, how, as a comedian, do you ever overcome that problem? Because I mean, how can you do comedy without the risk of somebody turning around to use it against you? Does that make sense?

Speaker 1: 32:02

Yeah, I think that you've just got to not give a fuck and the problem that I had was the only big regret I have ever is apologising, and I think that you know I was bullied into thinking that because I said risky things or because I said stuff that was considered to some people too much, that I was too much as a person. The press and the media actually made me believe for a certain amount of time that I was a bad person because of jokes that I said. And I look back on it now and I think it's insane and I think anyone that I mean you are more than welcome to be upset about a joke. You know what I mean. I hear stuff and I think fucking hell, that's a bit much. I wouldn't say that. But I think when you start going into the realm of trying to stop someone saying it, I think you're weird. I think you've got serious like problems If you're the type of person that goes listen, I didn't find that funny, so I don't want anyone else to find it funny.

Speaker 1: 33:04

And if you do find that funny, you have an issue because we all grow up in different areas, like we have different filters, we have different backgrounds, do you know. I mean, I grew up. I grew up in a rough area. I moved out when I was 15 years old and I lived. I grew up with a group of lads from the age of 15.

Speaker 1: 33:14

So what I consider funny and what my reality is is going to be completely different to someone that went to fucking private school and had mummy and daddy pay for everything for them until they was an older age and they was covered in cotton, wool and and didn't go out and fucking see people robbing or getting stabbed or shot or fucking whatever. Do you know what I mean? Everyone has different ways of living, so no one has the right to tell anyone else what they should or shouldn't laugh at. It'd be like me walking into a gallery and, like you know, I have someone just looking at a painting and saying that's amazing and me going no, that's shit, don't like that painting. In fact, take that painting down and burn it. That painting should never be allowed to be put up. Comedy is subjective. It's an art form.

Speaker 2: 33:51

I think that's the thing, you know. Ultimately every bit of comedy is or rather every joke is a joke at someone or something's expense, isn't it? And the difficulty in trying to be that comedy police person is that everybody finds something funny and you know, obviously I don't like that joke because you know you've taken the piss out of someone in a wheelchair and you know my dad's in a wheelchair, okay, but then but my dad ain't in a wheelchair, yeah, and you've laughed at something about a black guy.

Speaker 2: 34:19

I don't like you laughing about that, because I've got a black mate, but what?

Speaker 1: 34:22

no one you know. It's all well and good, but you know, actually, right now, like being a white working-class man, right, being a 40-year-old white working-class man trying to break into the industry, get on TV, play lead roles in films, and that is fucking is. Do you know? I mean from london is more difficult than a lesbian, a gay, a trans person. If you're trans, you're fucking working everywhere. Do you know? I mean, if you're trans, now you're off blowing up like if you're trans comedians, fuck me.

Speaker 1: 34:56

Do I mean netflix specials? The lot me you would. You'll never see me get a netflix special now. Do you know what I mean? Um, and the thing that pisses me off as well is I still get. I still get that stuff on on social media now where people go, aren't you the rape joke comedian? But then you got, you got fucking jimmy car on netflix specials doing rape jokes, fucking every. You know it's it's just the industry is. It's a weird, weird place, and I think that the key to being a successful comedian is not giving a shit about the people that don't get you, it's just letting them go and focusing on the people that do.

Speaker 2: 35:29

You just mentioned trying to break into films. Is it two films you've done?

Speaker 1: 35:34

now I've had two released. I've got another one that's coming out. Yeah, and how did that?

Speaker 2: 35:40

come about. How did you get into it?

Speaker 1: 35:43

Well, just, I'm an actor. Anyway, I've done acting and performing arts at school and college and I was originally wanting to be an actor, so I studied acting and yeah, I just, I love acting and I love writing scripts. I love writing, I'm a writer, I write my comedy, I write my script, write sketches. If you imagine what I do on my social media, it's just acting, isn't it?

Speaker 2: 36:05

The two films that have been released. Have you written those as well?

Speaker 1: 36:09

Yeah, I've helped from a comedy aspect but I've got like not full written scripts, but I've just, for the first time, fully written a funds on now that's going to be coming out. That's like a dark comedy about addiction and sobriety and very much about what I'm talking about now. But it's beautiful, it's magical. Film is magical. It's just hard raising money, it's hard getting money from people to invest in it. Um, unless you've got like big, big, massive names in it. And um, the likes of the big tv platforms and netflix platforms do a lot of research into who they're giving their money to and who they're giving you know if, if you, if you're a slight risk, by any way, shape or form, no one wants to work with you.

Speaker 1: 36:49

So for me, everything's independent. I've got, I've got to raise the funds myself, I've got to shoot it myself, I've got to market it, distribute it myself. And the last one we've done we got up to number one in the um I think it was the crime section in Amazon, amazon Prime, amazon and then Amazon Prime. Well, I had to do it independently on Amazon to raise it up through the ranks and then Amazon Prime took it then. But when we first went to Amazon Prime. They didn't want it.

Speaker 2: 37:11

I was going to say how do you distribute?

Speaker 1: 37:13

an independent film? Yeah, of course it is, yeah.

Speaker 2: 37:17

And how do people buy?

Speaker 1: 37:18

it yeah, so you can get like, for instance, yeah, so you can get like, for instance, netflix needs to buy the film from you, right? So, and you need names in it, really, in order to sell to Netflix. So I've created two films one comedy, one comedy gangster, like one comedy horror, one comedy gangster and the comedy horror. I thought was brilliant, but no one wanted it. It was back when I was really still quite toxic, you know, not even Tesco's would take it, do you know what I mean? But what we do is you can get whoever's made a film can get it on Amazon, on like the normal Amazon, you know, selling a product.

Speaker 2: 37:52

Oh, so in the same way that you can publish your own book? Yeah, exactly, you can actually publish a movie.

Speaker 1: 37:59

You can put it on there, right, but the good thing about that is you can put it on there, right, but the good thing about that is you can put it on amazon, but they still record the sales as if it's in the film chart. So if, when I go on social media, if I build up a wicked marketing campaign over the whole year of shooting it and say like we need to blow this up, you know I'm putting my money into it, please support the film. You know, um and I with my first one, I was really focused on this, so I got all the roles played by social media people and got them to promote it as well, and then we drop it, it blows up on Amazon and it goes up to number one. Then we promote the fact it's at number one, hoping that the other platforms take it, and Prime took that one, and now it's just been released in America as well. So that's kind of doing bits, but not real bits.

Speaker 2: 38:47

I didn't realize it worked like that. I I thought that every film had to be distributed by someone.

Speaker 1: 38:49

I didn't realize you could do it, like, in the summer you can publish your own book. You couldn't, but that's what I did. Yeah, that's what I did. We.

Speaker 1: 38:52

It's not the conventional way of marketing. It's like, well, I just treated the film as the same as I would any other products that we're creating. But, but the beautiful thing is for investors. So, like now, the film that I'm doing now it's got a mental health angle to it. It's got a really important message.

Speaker 1: 39:06

It's funny, it's dark, but with majority of film producers out there they say, right, give me 100 grand, we'll put it into the film. If someone buys it, like Netflix, or it gets a cinema run or it goes on Amazon and it does well, once the film has recouped its costs, you'll get profit and you'll get your money back, whereas now I can say to investors look, regard, we'll make it to the best standards, we'll try and sell it to the industry, but if they don't buy it, we'll self-promote it through my following and we'll get your money back. So you know it's. It's a different way of doing things, but it's working. But it is frustrating because but my name comes with a lot of red flags. So your netflix is. You know, there's, there's a, there's there'll be a board room of people going right, we'll take this, but what's the risk?

Speaker 2: 39:45

and then they'll see the background but I guess, I guess it's like it's like anyone, I think, with a big name or you know and or any kind of name at all has has that double-edged sword that that it's a blessing and a curse. And you know, obviously I'm not comparing our, our scales of of of being known or notoriety, but you know, I very much have the same thing still as a hangover from the past. You know, from the fact that I was bankrupt, from the fact that I was disqualified as a director, you know I've got a big bunch of, let's say, institutional investors, bankers, et cetera, who will say, right, matt should be nowhere near that. You know, we're not touching it if he's involved and I totally get it.

Speaker 2: 40:28

But then the flip side of that is that there's a complete different section of investors who say I'm only doing it because I know Matt and because I believe in this and trust this and know what he's done. So I guess you know, if you've created a name, if you've created a brand, there will always be an audience that loves you and they'll always be the people that hate you who aren't your audience. And I guess you've. You've just got to have that, have that conviction and confidence in your in your product to go forward in the direction that you know can work for you definitely, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 40:55

It's like, like you say, like we started this interview, it's like you know, what do you focus on? The positives or the negatives? And that's what I focus on. I'm uh, some like look, it's I, I love creating and um, every time a door shuts or someone says no, it just motivates me.

Speaker 2: 41:11

So well, I had, um, I had a lady on the podcast yesterday and I mean it was a two-hour story so I'm trying I can't do it justice in the 30 seconds to set the context, but this lady's story is basically as a 16, 17-year-old in Yugoslavia I think it was.

Speaker 2: 41:27

Her entire village was taken to the end of a mountain by the army to be shot and killed. Her uncle managed to get them all out of it so her parents shipped her off to get out of the country so nothing like that would happen to her again. Where she goes to, she ends up getting kidnapped and groomed to be sold into the sex trade. She manages to escape after about I don't know nine or ten weeks, gets back home just as she's about to tell her parents what's happened to her. We've not seen her for months. She gets taken away by the army again, held in some dungeon and used as a sex slave for about six months until her father finds her uh, pays for her 24-hour release and then sticks on a lorry and ships her out to england to become a refugee.

Speaker 2: 42:16

And then, when you hear that story and someone's talking about having a bad day, you're like hang on, a fucking minute you know's in perspective If someone like that can come out the other end with a smile on the face and turn that negative into a positive and go on to get a husband and build a family and everything else. When you think of I've lost my job, I've had an argument with a missus, it's like shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1: 42:38

Yeah, you're right. I think that for me it's nowhere near the same as that. I mean, that's horrific. So if someone like that's coming with positivity, that is unbelievable. And you know, I'd love to listen to that episode. That's crazy, but for me it's the same thing getting my family back together and being in the house with my kids. I just I think nothing else matters. You know, and suddenly you do realise, like what you else matters, you know, and you suddenly you do realize, like what you said, you know you could lose all your money, but you've still got your brains, you know, your the experience and all of that. Um, and I think any, and I try and say it to people that I speak to online that reach out to me.

Speaker 1: 43:12

You know, I get a lot of people that go I wish I was. You know, and I hate it when people say I wish you know, I wish I was as successful as you, or I wish I had your following, or I wish I. And I think you should never wish to be someone else. You should just wish to be, like a better version of yourself and also what you think. This is all roses.

Speaker 1: 43:27

I'm fucking terribly insecure. Do you know what I mean trying to stay relevant, you know, trying to keep content going and stuff like that. You know I've got a lot of fucking time for the man that works a nine to five, uh, that is respected and loved by his family and his friends and everything like that, and you know, I mean I look, I look at that and think that's having, that is success. I'm not losing it, do you know? I mean because I could lose all of this but I couldn't lose the like my wife is proud of me now for the first time in in how many. I mean she always loved me and she was probably proud of the work that I was doing and stuff like that. But being genuinely proud, you know, I mean you can see she's happy.

Speaker 2: 44:03

How much has that changed your relationship together?

Speaker 1: 44:05

We're happy. We don't shout at each other or argue. We used to argue, like most people do, but we used to shout. You could see that we disliked each other at times. Do you know what I mean? And she was unhappy. She was nervous and anxiety-ridden through I don't know, through me, not knowing if I was coming or going, or how long I was going to be away for or out or on the pierce, what state I was going to come back in. And she's happy, man. I mean she's pregnant, so she's feeling it. But genuinely she is cool, calm, happy. You know, the kids are happy, we're happy. It's a different life, mate, and it makes you realise it. You just sit there and go. This is all that's important and it puts perspective and that's the message that I'm trying to share.

Speaker 2: 44:51

We touched on exercise briefly at the beginning and a bit of MMA. How long ago is it you did the Misfits boxing now?

Speaker 1: 44:56

It was last year, yeah, not long ago. I've got another one coming up about four or five months ago. That was your first one, that one, that was my first one with misfits. Yeah, but I had done a white collar before that and I've done a cage match I'm probably thinking of the cage.

Speaker 2: 45:07

So when did it first? First, or was it with harvey, the first, first?

Speaker 1: 45:09

one. No, I've done a white collar years before that. Uh, I've always liked boxing, so I've tried, but because of the drinking and the drugs I've never been able to get to a good enough standard. You know, I know what I mean, because it takes fucking consistency. You have to be a certain level of fitness to be at a box, as you know. Do you know what I mean without the fitness?

Speaker 2: 45:29

So on the cage one, how much training did you get to do for that? I mean, did you manage to stay off the booze? Yeah, so for about four months.

Speaker 1: 45:36

I did yeah, I cut the booze and that out for about four or five months and I trained hard jiu-jitsu, a lot of jiu-jitsu and the fitness and the striking and stuff, but I just didn't have the mindset to win. I went into it not thinking I could win. Do you know what I mean? I was unsure so I couldn't switch it on. I couldn't switch the fight on. When you do it now.

Speaker 2: 46:00

You're a fucking animal.

Speaker 1: 46:01

You go into it completely. What changed that mindset? I think, just I don't know, it's all about liking yourself. I think it's about liking yourself, about believing in yourself. And when I was drinking because even though I was sober for it, I mean I stopped drinking, I was still kind of drinking, but I was still a broken man inside, do you know what I mean? I didn't believe, didn't really believe in myself. But also, the boxing is different for me now because I've just dedicated so much time to it. It's became like it's become my life boxing. So I know for a fact that I'm giving it everything I've got and I think that that comes, comes, that you know you just believe in yourself more, you know. So when's the next fight? I think we're doing another, uh, misfits match in june or july. Yeah, you don't know who you're fighting yet. Yeah, kind of, they're talking about me fighting jack jones.

Speaker 2: 46:53

You know jack jones he was a guy, wasn't that? Yeah, he's bigger than me.

Speaker 2: 46:57

He's a lot heavier than me, though I met him years ago because he um, he came to do a bit of, let's say, pranks. I had some burger bars and he came to do the pranks and the thing to try and get a bit of social media content. I guess everyone's got their own comedy taste. I always found those prank things a bit weird because I think they always they're set up a little Well. I think they start off not set up, don't they? And then you kind of have to go bigger and better each time. It becomes to the point that you just can't you can't spontaneously or not, set up some of these other things. And then, when they get set up, they just look so fucking set up, don't you know but yeah is he still well known, is he?

Speaker 1: 47:36

I've not, I don't, I don't, I. I look he's been calling me out. That's what he's been doing. So after the last one he's been calling me out. That's what he's been doing. So after the last one he's been calling me out. And I went to watch him fight box the other night. He boxed for the first time the other night, but he's a lot heavier than me. But I'm like I don't know. I'm like two years into my boxing now and I box. I mean I'm on tour now so it's slowed down a little bit, but it got me sober. So for a solid fucking year I was every morning, six days a week, five o'clock in the morning, up boxing, sparring three times a week. So like really, I mean like a fucking constant training camp. Do you know what I mean? And fighting hard, boxing hard guys, guys like sparring, proper boxers.

Speaker 2: 48:16

So I'm, I'm like boxing now for me is like let's fucking have it I remember saying to you a while ago, we should, we should, uh, we should do another podcast and I've come down the gym and train with you and film and I've when I've been looking at your boxing later I think- fuck that, but we'll stick in the studio.

Speaker 1: 48:35

There is levels to it, but it's all. But really, truthfully, you can't get to, you can't, you can't excel without the fitness. And that's what the work is. You know, running, fucking, you know. I do two, 10 Ks a week and then we do the all the like, the fitness, the level of it is fucking hard but you can. When you're in the ring sparring, you can feel like now, because I've missed a couple of weeks here in a week there and I'll go back when I go into sparring now I can feel myself going. Oh fucking hell, I didn't realize how fit I was because I'd piss four rounds. But jumping around, bouncing around like a nutter, now you're in there, you're like well, I fucking slow down, I better fucking ease off now because you have bursts of energy and then you've got to recover and I ain't young, so a lot of it's, all of it, is fitness.

Speaker 2: 49:20

But I think as well you know I mean the mindset of the sparring that you know you can train on the bags, you can train on the pads, you can do all the cardio in the world, but then the first time you go in that ring, that first time, you get a punch it's just back to day one.

Speaker 1: 49:36

Something clicks at some point where you enjoy the sparring. Something clicks where you're like when you've taken everything that comes at you, you know you ain't made of glass. When you've taken some real heavy shots in the nose, in the face, when you've gone down a few times heavy bod shots and all that, and you kind of know as bad as it can get it takes the edge off it.

Speaker 2: 49:54

I think, yeah, it's like anything. I mean I haven't done any sparring for a while, but I do it now and again and I think you know, I remember the first time I did it. It's that fear of you know, always a fear of the unknown. What's that punch going to feel like?

Speaker 1: 50:11

And then, after a while you get used to the fact that it's pleasant, but it doesn't hurt that much.

Speaker 2: 50:15

And in the same way that I guess you talk about running a 10K, that sounds unthinkable to someone who's never run 1K. And you run your 1K, it's not as bad. You build up your tolerance. It's just like anything. You've just got to get hit, get on with it.

Speaker 1: 50:29

You've got to roll with the punches, but I think for for me it was, it was integral to my sobriety, because I didn't want to do it and I realized that my sobriety I'm not drinking is is simply just overcoming your, your mind telling you to drink so like the sun would come out and I'll be like it's sunny man, I really want a fucking beer. Or my friend's birthday it's his birthday. I really want to get pissed. Or you know every I bump into old people or go, even getting on the train and going up to london on a thursday and when it starts getting dark and I'm on my way in, I'll be like fucking I'd. Normally I'll be getting excited about getting on the fucking smash or thinking about getting on the snip or whatever.

Speaker 1: 51:03

There was triggers, fucking everywhere and getting up in the morning when I didn't want to get up and getting down there and then sparring early in the morning as well, at 5, 30 in the morning. You know when you're tired and you're not sure about it. Getting through the ropes, overcoming your mind, saying no, it made the not drinking a piece of piss. Not a piece of piss, but that's probably the wrong word. It made it made it become easier, because when that thought come in, I was like, well, fucking, look what I did this morning. Do you know what I mean? Like the thought of that. To overcome that, that voice became easier, and that's what I say when I talk. Do it talk at sobriety talks or mental health talks, whatever I always say, the biggest tool that you can build is, uh, mental resilience, overcoming that voice in your brain do you?

Speaker 2: 51:43

do you fear slipping out of sobriety again?

Speaker 1: 51:45

yeah, but I think the only thing now oh now, like now, the fun side of it's gone Do you know what I mean when I consider it fun, fun being- Drunk yeah.

Speaker 1: 51:55

So like, for instance, I used to like bank holiday weekends or my mates in the beer garden was a big one. Oh you know, I'd sit at home and be like, oh man, they're all down there having a nice cold beer in the sun and missing out. And then I'd be like, well, what are you missing out on? Because you can go down and have an alcohol-free beer with them and sit with all your pals and have an alcohol-free beer and enjoy their company. And then I go yeah, but I don't want to do that. That sounds shit.

Speaker 1: 52:21

So then I realise what do I want? It's getting pissed, the annihilation. Like the fucking letting go, you know the freedom. Like escaping myself and being wild and like just getting out of my head and I'm like, well, why do I want that? Like that's not good for me, man. And it gets worse and worse and worse and you realize slowly that you're just you. What you miss is escaping life. So you've got to build a better life. But once I work that out and I stop missing the fun side of or what I considered fun, the only other aspect of it that's difficult is when life's too much. Do you know what I when it's bad? So the only thing that worries me is that something really bad would happen in my life that I couldn't cope with. You know like something awful. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2: 53:01

How has your kind of friendship circle changed since being sober Completely, as in?

Speaker 1: 53:05

you've left a lot of people behind and you've brought some new people in. That's been really difficult. I mean, there isn't many new people, but it's crazy the amount of friends that I've lost.

Speaker 2: 53:17

And when we say lost or that it's been difficult, I mean, what's been the difficult bit about it? That you miss that person, or is it? Or does it lose some of the difficulty when you're looking and say, well, hang on a minute? I mean, yes, we were mates then and I kind of miss you as a mate. A mate. But if you really were my mate, you'd be supporting me now and you'd be joining me on my journey.

Speaker 1: 53:38

I mean like there's so many different aspects to it. There's people that I'm not friends with anymore or don't see anymore because the only thing we did was drink and use drugs together and I thought we had more than that. So that's hard, you know. There's some of my friends that still drink and use drugs and go out and do that, but they will also go do you want to go golf or do you want to go for a meal? But there are some of them that are just like fuck doing anything sober with him, like they just wouldn't do it. And then it makes you realize that they weren't we weren't really as close as I thought we were. You know what I mean, and some of them I just literally do not hear from like my real close friends. I just don't hear from them and I don't know if it's because you know me saying that I was in trouble means, you know, makes them feel or just because I was a dick when I was drunk and now I'm sober, they don't have to put up with me. You know what I mean. I don't know what it is from a working environment, from a working working relationships, people that I was friends with in the industry that I'd done business with. Fuck me, mate. All like a lot of them are falling out with like some key people as well. I won't name any names, but I've really fallen out with a lot, so many more people than I than I thought I would.

Speaker 1: 54:49

Because when you become sober, you stop people pleasing right, and you, you build like a mental resilience, you build a better image of yourself in your mind. You know, I'm proud of myself now and also, it's just I'm a different person, like when someone asks me to do something if I don't want to do it, whereas before I'd be quite weak. Do you know what I mean? I'd be like, all right, maybe. Yeah, okay, we'll talk about it or whatever. Or yeah, right, I'll come when I don't Like now I don't go nowhere, that I don't want to go at all, I just want to be in with my missus, but before I'd go to fucking the opening of an envelope so I could get off me nut and drink, right, because I loved it.

Speaker 1: 55:23

So now many, many, many people have asked me to do things that I haven't been comfortable doing and I've said mean no for the first time in years. Do you know I mean what do you mean, no, no, do this for me and or I've done that for you and it's caused friction, you know, and people have just started dropping like flies.

Speaker 2: 55:40

It's weird so what have we got to look forward to over the next couple of couple of years, hopefully making some new friends.

Speaker 1: 55:46

Yeah, no, um, our tours man, bigger and better tours. Guys, just check me out at cdanlivecom or go on my Instagram Dapper's Instagram but I've just turned my mental health group into a charity, an actual charity, which was fucking really hard to do. So I'm going to be doing doing some more stuff like that to raise awareness for suicide and young men, but really just just films and stand up comedy and just hopefully still working man.

Speaker 2: 56:14

Well, look, it's been a pleasure having you here, buddy. Thank you, matt, you've you know, let's say great to see the new you, great to see the weight loss and sobriety and everything else, and great to see it's not taken away your.

Speaker 1: 56:29

You too, mate naughty streak, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 56:35

You can tell I've still got some fire in me, can't you, good man? Thank you, buddy. Thanks a lot. Thank you, mate. Thanks for listening to stripping off with matt haycox. I hope you've enjoyed listening to this week's episode, but please remember to subscribe or to follow and please, please, leave a review, if you can leave a review. That's how we move up the algorithm, that's how we get to the top of the charts and that's how I can keep bringing you bigger and better guests that you'll love each week. Have. Have you got any suggestions for guests? Have you got any burning questions you want to ask? Well, slide into my DMs on social at Stripping Off with Matt Haycox.