The REAL James Lock: What TOWIE Never Showed You

Most people know James “Lockie” Locke from TOWIE. But the version the public sees isn’t the one he lives with every day.

In this conversation, James opens up about growing up in a broken home, the emotional walls he built to survive, and how those same walls later destroyed his friendships, relationships and sense of identity. He talks honestly about being judged, misunderstood, and constantly performing a version of himself that never felt real.

James reveals the truth behind his dating breakdowns, life after separation, business failures, and being labelled “the fall guy.” He shares the pressure to stay in shape while suffering body dysmorphia, the impact of fame on his mental health, and why stepping away from TOWIE wasn’t a career move, it was a life decision.

James Lock Timestamps
0:00 - Coming Up
0:03 - Intro
0:26 - Growing Up Without His Mum
4:03 - The Double-Edged Sword of Being Self-Aware
5:33 - Learning to Say No
7:39 - James Over-Invests in Relationships and Knows It
9:52 - Failed Businesses, Bad Partners and Always Being the Fall Guy
13:04 - The Truth About Fitness & Discipline
14:56 - Lockie's Fitness App
16:44 - Body Dysmorphia
19:23 - Anxiety, Overthinking, and Stopping Giving a F***
22:47 - From Reality TV to Films?
26:51 - The Reality of Celebrity Ex on the Beach
28:06 - What's Next for Lockie?
29:13 - Final Thoughts

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Transcript

Starting With Nothing Each Day

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Every day when you work for yourself, you wake up with nothing. It's down to you to go out and get it.

Childhood Abandonment And Tough Love

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Guys, welcome to Stripping Off with Matt Haycox. And today we've got a guest. He's come straight from the sunbeds of Essex. Welcome to the show, Tower Legend, businessman, entrepreneur, and all around great guy, Mr. James Locke. What's happening? Thank you for having me. How are you doing, buddy? I'm good. I'm good. I want to delve deep and try and find the real James Locke. You know, who's uh who's who's who's the man behind the screen?

SPEAKER_01 0:32

Many people, especially women have tried.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

Well, maybe we can uh maybe we can help them get a few percent along the road. You told me that um your mum left you when you were when you were five years old, and I think you think there's probably some lingering after effects from that, and you know, that that you're a lot more fragile or vulnerable than you than people think, or that you would come across and and you probably date that back to when your mom first left. Can you remember your mum leaving to this day?

SPEAKER_01 0:56

I just feel like uh look, it's a bit of a it's a weird one and a sensitive subject in a sense that people don't really think too much into, I don't know, I do think into like their parents and stuff, but you do need, it's fundamental that you do need two parents. You do need the two parents there. You know, I'm not saying that people that are not well-randed or well-grounded people and people that ain't gone on to do X, Y, and Z having, you know, either, you know, no parents or or a mum or a dad. But having two pet like two parents there is fundamental for me. I feel like you do need you benefit from both having a mum and a dad. It does make a big difference. If your mum and dad are split up, yeah, you come from a it could have a broken home, but it sounds worse than it is, but it does have a knock-on effect to the person.

SPEAKER_00 1:37

And using you as a specific example, I mean, what do you think is lacking or would have been different?

SPEAKER_01 1:42

I'm brought up very tough, tough love. So, in a sense, I'm a very much like I'm very old. Look, how I'm brought up anyway, is uh a very old school East End values, which is.

SPEAKER_00 1:52

Because you were living with your dad, your mum left and you were just living with your dad?

People-Pleasing And Learning No

SPEAKER_01 1:55

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So uh my brother and sister was with my mum, um, and I stayed with my dad because we do know what I'm saying, we the the split when the split happened as a kid, I didn't want to leave my dad. All the kids went with a mum, that's natural for all the kids to go with a mum. I didn't want to leave my dad, so I stayed with him. But you can definitely see a difference. If you met me and my siblings, you can see a difference between me and my brother. There's a lot of similarities, we're very similar. Looking, how we talk, but then there's a lot of differences, there's a lot of differences, and you'd have to meet my brother for me to acknowledge that. And you can see what whereas one's been brought up softer, and one's been brought up more, you know, more as a as a man, it's it's very tough life, but more sensitive. You can tell the difference. My brothers are very a lot more sensitive than me, you know, absolutely. And see, sometimes people misperceive me thinking that as if I'm a little bit arrogant or I don't give a fuck. A lot's happened to me in my life. I like a lot's happened to a lot of people. I don't sit here, obviously, cry about it, I don't talk about, I just get on with it. But again, loads of factors over the years sculpt someone as a person, you know. And I think people sometimes forget, you know, especially when you're in in this industry, like people will um, you know, judge. Listen, everyone thinks I'm I'm I was born with a silver, you know, I'm some rich kid born with a silver spoon in my mouth from from Chigwell. I'm not, I'm not from Essex. Do you know what I'm saying? So I'm not, and I'm definitely not from uh Chigwell or born like if I foul, it's all on me. Do you know what I'm saying? So people have a misperception and then see what we find in everyday life. People, you know, you don't know what people are going through. Do you know what I'm saying? You don't know what people are going through on a daily basis, you don't know what their background, what their circumstances are. It is what it is. I'm not sitting there trying to cry about it, it is what it is, it's life. Get on with it. But I'm just saying that as a whole, there's a lot of factors that sculpt a person in general. Whether you acknowledge it or accept it or you don't, there's a lot of things, even me, as much as I might think I'm well-grounded, I'm happy who I am. Yeah, I'm very, I'm very happy, I'm very, I'm a very contempt place in my life. Yeah. There's still things that could have been better. You can't say there's always things that could have been done better or could have been a better situation.

SPEAKER_00 4:03

You said that probably one of your downfalls is that you invest in girls first. Yeah. Um, I mean, which I mean to me. They sound a bit contradictory, those two things, because I guess you, you know, you might not be sensitive, but you are not sensitive.

SPEAKER_01 4:20

I overinvest, so basically, because I'm aware, what gives me, what makes me very powerful as a as a person is that I'm very self-aware. Self-awareness is it's like acknowledgement, yeah, it's powerful. I know this is the thing as well, because as much as it's powerful, it also is it's like it doesn't mean I don't make the same mistakes. Like, mess, like, do you know what I mean? Like, even though um I'm self-aware, like I know my downfalls. What are they? I think my downfalls are that sometimes look, like a lot of people, I think I'm people please. Like I said to you, my for their benefit or for yours. Do you know what I'm saying? It's like it comes from a place of um, it comes from a good place because like I genuinely listen, everyone's gonna sit and say they're a good person, but I've got a big heart with my heart on my sleeve. That's why, you know, I look, I don't know, I over this is something I overinvest, I overinvest in things and do become a bit of a yes man, a bit of a people pleaser, which is bad for you. You can't, you can never win being a yes man or being a people pleaser. Do you know what I'm saying? And then sometimes because of that, you get taken advantage of. So as much as I might be not as uh affectionate, it doesn't mean I don't over then you overinvest in other ways.

SPEAKER_00 5:33

I think my biggest regret in doing, let's say, too much for too many people is you have no fucking time for yourself. And one of the best things of being able to say no, learning to say no, because I think it is a it's maybe not a skill, but it's certainly a muscle, you know, like learning to say no. It's a powerful muscle. You get that time back either for yourself or for the ones you want to concentrate on, because I spend so much time doing things for other people that I come over and I'm just fucked. And you know, barely got time for the missus, certainly no time for myself, and um, you know, and then it's not healthy.

SPEAKER_01 6:01

See that it's not healthy. See, like now I'm at a point where, you know, saying no, I'm at a point where what's held me back? Well, obviously, what we're talking about over the years, what's held me back is over investing, being a bit of a yes man. I think a lot of people, being a people pleaser, I think a lot of people, the last couple of years have been a massive transition for me. So no, if I know we can go out, like you said, I go out yesterday and socialise, and I'm still that same person, but I just don't say yes to everything. Saying no is a power itself. Because when you when it comes to a point where you want something, these people that you're saying yes to, let them let's see if they come and help you. Lately, the last few years have been a massive transition for me because I've actually started saying no. Them people, I've actually lost a lot of the people around me, but they're they're they're the fake people, they're the people you don't want around you. Um, I I'm a lot happier. You know, see these things, you see these memes on on you know, Instagram or wherever on online. Being on my own, going for drink, eating on my own. I I actually love being on my own. I train on my own, I eat on my own. You know, I'm I'm I'm on my own most days, most of the time. And that's that's okay. I go to my meetings, do my thing. When I'm meeting, when I'm doing things that it's business. If things, if things ain't serving me, I am selfish, but selfish in a good way because that's a sign of self-respect. You know, it's it again, you've got to take control of your own life. No one's here, no one's coming to rescue you. Do you know what I'm saying? It's down to you to look at a situation, uh, analyze it, and then make your own your own decisions for yourself. Because I said to you, no one is here. Um, no one's here to rescue, no one's here to to to mother you or baby you. You've got to look after yourself.

SPEAKER_00 7:39

So when you say um that you invest in girls first, what what what do you mean by that? Not get investing in girls first. So what happens with me? Or in a relation when you're having a relationship.

SPEAKER_01 7:48

So no, but anyone in general. So what happens? I have a lot of acquaintances, girls, uh boys or girls. You know, I'm a social, I'm a very social person. What happens is when someone I when I do invest in someone, so with me, I'm very like might come across as a bit standoffish or cold. It's not cold. I am standoffish because I, you know, I'm standoffish right. This this sounds a bit, it doesn't, it contradicts itself. As much as I can be sociable, I don't invest. I don't like, I might be out, we might burn the job up, we might have go out and have a have a great night, or we'll be in the gym, you know what I'm saying? We we we'll be chatting and whatever, get on like house on fire. That doesn't mean I'm gonna invest. I'm not then ringing you going, oh, what are you doing? Do you want to come chill? When you're you go past the point where it's not just you're not socializing, you're not an acquaintance, you're investing in a person where you know you're you're seeing someone on a regular basis, um, whether it's a man or a woman, you're do you then when you're giving someone, you're making time for someone rather than just you know sparing a moment sort of thing, or you're bumping into someone when you're actually making time for someone that that you're invested in someone, you know, when you're changing your plans, whether I'm going to speak to a lady and going, look, what you're doing the weekend, I'm putting her, I'm making her a priority. Or speaking to my pals, I'm like, look, so what are you doing tonight? You're you're and then oh, you're not free to this time, you're changing your schedule.

SPEAKER_00 9:04

Does that make sense? Absolutely, yeah.

Money Mindset And Business Failures

SPEAKER_01 9:06

So when you invest in someone like that, that's that's an investment. Do you know what I'm saying? You're you're making, you're freeing up time, your time's precious. Freeing up time for someone is an investment. With a woman, when I'm invested, I'll literally invest everything, all my time, into that person. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, no, absolutely. And I forget, I think a lot of men are like this where you're you won't um, you know, they come first. In regards to business, I'm not funny, if I if if I was with someone now and they're going through, they're struggling, I would literally not have turned up today, which is which is a great thing. People think, oh listen, that's that's a gentleman, it's a nice guy. But do you know something? It's that itself, this is work, this is business. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, not going to the meeting after because I've got to go back and someone's a bit upset. That has a knock-on effect.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

So let's talk a bit about business uh business, business and uh and doing well. As I know you, you know, you're a you're a hungry guy, you're a ducker and a diver, you've you you you've you've always got your fingers in different pies. I mean, I would imagine that dates back to back to your early childhood. I mean, I imagine your dad's an influence in this respect as well. I mean, uh did you always want to get out there grafting and making money?

SPEAKER_01 10:13

I think look, people that say money doesn't make you happy, that's all bullshit. Money, is I'm not saying money itself makes you happy, but it enables you to live a life that makes you happy. It gives you freedom. So to say that money doesn't make you happy is is bollocks. And when you come from nothing, uh, listen, like yourself, when you come from nothing and you have money, you can't go back. It's like when you've experienced something, and in the industry I'm in, or listen, even in real life, I think a lot of people, you're up, you're down. Do you know what I'm saying? If you're not, if you are like a you've got that entrepreneur mindset, you know, where you want better, you know, and you take that gap, you take it at risk, you're not doing your nine to five. Now, fair play to people that do nine to fives. My mum does a nine to five, my mum always done a nine to five. My dad always worked for himself. Now, you've got to remember, every day when you work for yourself, you wake up with nothing. Do you know what I'm saying? Every day you wake up, you it's down to you to go out and get it. We makes you hungry. That mindset, I like that mindset because it makes you hungry in life. And I'm still hungry now. I'm still, you know, I've had various businesses, I've tried various things. The people that gotta understand is that I've had loads of things that I've I've done well from, but a lot of things that I've failed from. Probably more that I've failed from than I've done well from well from. But that's part of the journey. That's part that the whole journey, the the struggle, you know, that is that's what builds character.

SPEAKER_00 11:29

How do you feel about those failures? You know, what when they happened at the time? And I mean, have you had some failures which have been which have been public as well since you've been in the public?

SPEAKER_01 11:37

Of course, there's been loads of failures since I've been public. But this is the thing, it's like obviously in the tabloids, I'm always the front guy, I'm the full guy. So these these businesses, but sometimes when they fail, they actually haven't failed because they're bad businesses. It's been a breakdown of there's other things, it's a lot deeper issue. Breakdown of communication with the partners, um, lack of effort from certain people. Um, some listen, I'm not trying to say I'm, you know, I'm adding sugar and everything I touch turns to gold because obviously it doesn't. But and there's been some values down to me, down to lack of effort from me. But I can hand on heart say that most of the time the businesses that I've had have been good businesses, even like dating back to when I've had bars, the restaurants, they've all been good businesses, but certain people haven't stepped up and they've caused me problems. Like it's not me. Like I they haven't done what they are meant to do. You've got to remember, obviously, I'm when people get into business with me, whether it be a restaurant, bar, endorsing a brand, I'm the face. My my job is to for for exposure, marketing, getting it out there.

SPEAKER_00 12:41

Is that typically is that typically your only only role at the time? I mean, I mean, do you do you do you ever put capital into these businesses? Do you ever get involved in the operations, or do you just you're the marketing, you're the brand, you're the face?

SPEAKER_01 12:51

Right.

SPEAKER_00 12:51

So, see, in terms of capital, in the past I have, but that's not smart business.

Training Discipline And The Fitness App

SPEAKER_01 12:56

I'm I'm a commodity myself. Otherwise, someone wouldn't invest in me. There's no point me getting into business with someone if I'm gonna put the money in. I don't need that person. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 13:04

Let's talk about exercise, which is obviously a massive, massive part of your life and also one of your businesses as well. You said that when you were a kid you were a little fatty. Uh, when did um when did that change? When did you get into exercise, uh, health, fitness? So I've always, always liked sports.

Body Dysmorphia And Public Pressure

SPEAKER_01 13:20

Um, you're either one of them kids or you're not. I've always liked sports. I played every sport when I was at school. Um, as I got a bit older, I moved more into the gym. Uh, but I like, you know, I like mixing it up. You know, I don't do weights every day. I used to at one point I got I got mad on the weights, and um, you know, you get you do get a bit obsessed with it, a bit carried away. But um I like to mix it up. Like, I'm playing tennis, I'm playing squash. Do you know what I'm saying? I like to mix things, or I'll go and swimming, I'll do a bit of weights, I'll do a bit of running, I mix it up, you know, either jujitsu, a bit of boxing, I like to keep active because keeping active, fundamentally, it's good for your mind, it's good for your body, uh, it keeps you healthy. Yes, and obviously, you know, you train the right way, especially if what I do, it's uh very like aesthetic. And you how's your eating? Because I mean, obviously. I'm very disciplined. I'm very disciplined. Obviously, last night went out, we had a bit of food. I'll still go out, I have a cheap meal, I'll go out and I eat what if I'm out, I'm in company, or I'll have a few drinks, or I'll go and eat what I want. But, you know, 90% of the time, I'm very disciplined. You know, I'm very, I've I'm very disciplined with my diet. And this is the problem. I've got people messaging me day in, day out, asking me about you know, about their diet, about their workouts. There's no there's no there's no quick fix, you know, there's no quick fix. Even people talk about steroids. See steroids, you don't just do a steroid and you all sudden you get muscly. You've still got to train. There's loads of guys down in the gym, big fat guys. They do steroids, they do loads of steroids, they stay fat. People this isn't under, oh, he's on the roads or she's you know doing some crazy diet. It still takes discipline, you know, it takes discipline to stay away from uh, you know, to eat regimented meals, you know, keep her like a low, a well-balanced diet. So, how did the fitness app come about? The fitness app come about because again, a lot of people are asking me about training. And I see a lot of these apps out there, a lot of these, a lot of these people do these apps, they're just they're just money spinners, you know. Um, and these guys, a lot of a lot of these, you know, these these PTs, Walters, mention no names, a lot of them are just genetically gifted, or they are just taking X, Y, and Z and they are having a little cheat. Again, they still have to work hard to get into the position where they are. That's what I'm saying. There's no quick fix to whether you're doing steroids or any sort of diet, there's no quick fix. It takes discipline. So you can't take that away from anyone. Don't you write, but some people are more genetically gifted than others. You know, some people, you know, you see these people that go out and eat whatever they want, and they literally just don't put on any weight and eat other people on the other end of the spectrum. But it still takes discipline. And for me, there's so much bollocks out there, and I had so many people asking me, you know, so many people I've been on TV a long time. I've got so many people that look up to me and ask me, you know, value my opinion. That's half the reason why I've done the app. And the app's done done really well. Like it's from the app straight away. The the amount of downloads has been crazy. You know, I've kept it, um, I've done I've started with a free um listen, the app's free to download. There's a free trial, and even after the trial, it's only$7.49, which is very cheap for an app called Lockie's Kitchen. Lockie's Kitchen. I've got an app called Lockie's Fitness. Yeah, it's my work app, it's my fitness app. Um, if you go and download it, it's got everything you need pretty much to get in shape. It's very, it's very real, it's very simple. So that app is very personal to me. It's not one of these apps I just put my name to. It's my app. If you want to know what I'm doing and how I keep in shape, how I can, you know, yo-yo look at one minute where I can overindulge and go out last night, have a few drinks, eat what I want, but then I can still get up and do a photo shoot the next day, is because I'm living by what I'm doing within this app. You've been quite open with your battles uh with body dysmorphia. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. So people look, people uh again, it's another, it's a it's another subject. It's a bit of a it's something that people can't always grasp.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

You can be in social, but has that been something that's always been with you, or do you is that something that's developed what we've been on the TV and more in the public eye? So the body dysmorphia, everyone's got it in some aspect.

Anxiety And Stopping Overthinking

SPEAKER_01 17:09

It's not just the women, men have it as well. You know, whether you're, you know, you're what you're putting you're you have a picture with your friends and you're double you're checking that picture, that's body dysmorphia. Or you might have a look at it, but if you're overly looking or I'm not, I don't like that one, it's insecurities. That's body dysmorphia. You're finding fault in yourself. I look shit there. No, you don't. You're you're finding fault in yourself. So whether it's just having a picture, whether you're not on TV, you're training, you're a you're a man or a woman, you're training, you know, you're going away, you're going to my bay, you're going to I be fair, you want to look, or you're getting married. Do you know what I'm saying? It's like that's not being comfortable with just who you are at that present point of time. So if that is body dysmorphia, do you know what I'm saying? That is in some aspect. And obviously, it's emphasized when you're on TV or in the public eye, you know, uh, whether you like it or not, this is a very vain industry. Like, you the better you look, the more money you make. Like, if I wasn't in shape, there'd be, I want me doing a fitness app, you know, I want me getting fitness endorsements. Like you, you are like I am a walking, like I'm a business, I'm a walking advert for my own business. If I get out of shape, then if I'm not in shape, no one's gonna go and buy my app. Does that make sense? So then the bodies morphia kicks in because then I'm not just competing with other reality stars or other people within this industry, I'm competing with fitness models. Now, fitness, I'm not a fitness model. Fitness models, I'm not in front of that that discipline takes goes to another level. I look at certain fitness models, like I said when I was a kid, I wanted to be, I wanted to look like Arnold Sports and nigga. You know, I think most boys did that. That's what, you know, Superman, Batman, they're not fat, are they? You know, they're how you how you look at them as kids, that's what you want to look at. But then you're still it's it's subconsciously trying to achieve that can sometimes get carried away. You can get lost in trying to achieve perfection. And perfection is ultimately in your own head. You know what I'm saying? You've got to love yourself. Yeah. I know I'm in good shape, but I will still find fault. I'll take pictures. Even though I'm fripped, I've got a six pack, I will still find fault in myself. Do you know what I'm saying? I'll let you know. People think I'm mad. When I look at pictures sometimes, I if I show at a picture of me, I'll find fault in it, even me looking ripped. And when people give me compliments, I find it hard to take compliments because I will look at a picture, I'm not seeing what they see. Does that make sense? What about anxiety? I think you've you you've you've struggled with that as well. Anxiety, I think everyone struggles with anxiety to some aspect. Even me, someone that comes into the room, I'm very confident. I go into certain situations, you know, I meet a lot of people from different backgrounds, you know, as you probably do, um, with business, uh, events, networking. And, you know, sometimes it is when you're going into an environment that you you're not comfortable with, you know, they're not one of your own, if you like, not something you're brought up with or brought up around, where it's second nature. It can be uncomfortable and it will give you anxiety. Like I could have done a podcast with someone else and that person I might never have met before. It's natural, it might be anxiety, it might be minimal anxiety, but it's still anxiety to a certain degree. Turn up the you know, the anticipation, you know, apprehension of meeting that person. You don't know, you know, you need to gauge that person. I could have sat here, not got on, you could have been hard, whoever you are, like hard work, and it would have made this podcast painful. And how how do you control?

SPEAKER_00 20:22

I mean, I guess for you or for the people, what do you do to make it make it better?

Reality TV Versus Real Life

SPEAKER_01 20:26

Again, overthinking. Overthinking is the worst thing in the world. Overthinking, overanalysing, see whether it be body dysmorphia, um, and you're overanalyzed, don't stop. Stop overanalysing. Take a couple of pictures, just stop. You have to just stop yourself, you know, and be like, listen, that's sweet. That one's fine, done. Leave it at that. Stop worrying about how people so I can be sitting there thinking about, oh, what people are gonna think about what I'm saying, and he's gonna think, oh, is he talking? Fuck them. They can send it off. Turn it off. You don't like it, don't listen. You don't like me, don't follow me. Don't like me, don't be around me, don't invite me on your podcast. It is this is me accepting who you are, being comfortable with that. That's the power. I still have days, good and bad days, where I will over-analyse certain things, you know. Um, and it just is what it is, and it's heightened in this day and age because of everything, you know, social media, um, media in general, you know, what we're told to look like, eat, drink, sleep, whatever, whatever we're told to be as a person, is overanalysed anyway. And then being in this industry when you're actually that person in the magazine, it's then tenfold, which makes it a lot more difficult. Now, I'm not sitting here saying, I want, you know, I've done this again, I can still have a good morning Britain. I've done Good Morning Britain the other day, and I spoke about, I'm not looking for, I was just making people aware of it. The people, even like me, that people might look up to, and people might think, listen, he's a good looking guy, he's in shape, he's very confident. Even someone like me, probably more so someone like me, suffers from body dysmorphia because it's that pressure. In fact, if I all of a sudden I was putting a lot of weight, straight away, tabloids, what's happened to Locking? Do you know what I'm saying? I'd be in the tabloids, I'd make days. If I turn up one day and I was fat, say like last time you've seen me on rips, if I if I, you know, in a couple of weeks' time was pictured eating a fucking donut, big fat fuck, that would be that would make headline news. You think how is that important? How is that listen? How is that the the national news? But it would, and that's when the added pressure comes, and it's what people don't acknowledge. It's what I was trying to get at. Um, and then also what I was letting people know that it's okay. Listen, it's listen, you don't gotta be in shape 24-7. You haven't got to look perfect or perfect in your mind 24-7. Just be comfortable with yourself. Do you know what I'm saying? Um, and stop giving a fuck. That's a powerful thing as well. Stop over analysing, stop giving a fuck. You know, everyone, no one thinks about no one thinks about you as much as you think about yourself. That's what you need to remember.

SPEAKER_00 22:47

Well, listen, you're um a reality TV veteran. Yep. Uh many shows. Towie, obviously. Too many the biggest uh celebrity action on the beach, the challenge, what we're missing, what else have you done? Uh subscribe dating.

Acting Ambitions And Future Plans

SPEAKER_01 23:00

Um, done a few other little ones, he's um, you know, a few of these little little shows, if you like. Not little shows, but more like just the one-day's or a couple of days. What's your favourite? Listen, I I I'm not look, I love Taui. I did love Taui, was I enjoyed it. I wouldn't have done it for 10 years um if I didn't enjoy it. Taoy was probably Taui becomes second nature. Why did you leave? I haven't left at the minute. It's the door's still open, but what's happened? I've took a I took a bit of time out to pursue other things. So as a boy, one of my boyhood dreams, like see that now I'm at a point, right, where you know I'm in my 30s and I feel very comfortable, very content within myself. Now, saying that, listen, I said you have bodysmorphia, anxiety, certain other things that a lot of people suffer from. I do have them problems still. Yeah, I still have them problems, but they're not, they're not, they're not, they don't hinder my daily routine. I still go out and do my daily business. I'm not locking myself away. Do you know what I'm saying? It's like I still get on with life because life goes on, it is what it is. You know, I'm not mentally stronger than that. Having them problems, I'm not at a point where I'm that confident. If anything, I feel like I'm in my peak of my life. I feel very well-round as an individual, I feel very comfortable with myself and my own skin. And now I'm trying to pursue certain dreams. So one of them is acting. I've always wanted to be an actor. Now, I've not just woke up one day and thought, look, I don't reality, I fancy doing acting. I've gone away, you know, I've took a back step from reality, you know, I've stepped away from Taui. I've gone and done acting classes, I've done acting classes with Jack Ryder, who used to be on E-Standers, Jamie from Eastenders. I'm pursuing something, I'm investing. It's cost me money, it's not free. I'm putting a lot of money, I'm losing money in other areas, you know. I've stepped away from other very lucrative endorsements for me, you know. I've been offered a lot of money to do certain things. I stepped away from that because I need to clean up my image. And being an actor, you can't do certain things. It's a very clicky industry, you know. It's this is a full-time job. Me being me is a full-time job. Even in reality, there's a lot, reality is a lot harder than people realise. There's a lot more to it. Not everyone can do it. People just think, oh, it's one of these rallies. Go and do it, go and sit on camera. It's a lot more to it than just being on camera and just you know, just it's not one man on the camera, it's a full setup. Even the day is very basic setup. If you're on set for reality, there's three characters, there's a full crew there. It's like you're filming a movie. People don't realize that is a is a full-time thing, there's a lot, there's a lot of investment from you as a person. But that was one part of my life, and I enjoyed it, I loved it. But I look my look, my uh, you know, admiration and my, you know, where I wanted to be uh in life, you know, my five-year product, I want to be an actor, I've always wanted to be actor since I was a young kid. I've always loved the movies, you know. We all love the movies, but I'm actually love, you know, I sit there and I'm obsessed with films, all different types of films. You know, I'll sit there watching films, like I've watched films back to back all day. I don't sit there watching normal TV, I watch films, I'm a proper film geek, every type of film, you know. And yeah, like I said, I've always wanted to be an actor. And that's what I've gone away now because I want to because I want to do something, I'm that comfortable with myself. I've gone away, invested in myself, and that's where I'm gonna be in five years. I see myself being in Hollywood doing a big film, and I'm what I'm gonna do that, and I'm doing it for myself. It's not for the fame, it's not for other people, it's for me. It's something that I want to, that's my legacy, that's where I want to be. What's the dream role, the dream film? I see you in a guy richie gangster movie. I'd love that. See, listen, no, that's a very, a very um obvious role. But being someone, don't say, I'd love to be someone say like Jason Statham, um, something like that. Jason Stafham for me, you know, Jason Staffen's like the new Arnie or the new Van Dam. I'd love to be someone like that, meet Ray Winston, you know, Ray Winston, Jason Staffen, that sort of role, you know, it's a very easy role. There's a few films that I'm doing. Um, I was meeting, I met my with my director yesterday before I come and see you. There's a couple of films that I'm doing, you know, um, and that that's them sort of roles. That's very easy. That's the sort of with my background and how I talk, and you know, that it's a very easy role for me to fulfill. But that's a starting point. You know what I'm saying? I'd love to go and do theatre, you know, as well. Like people never ever see me on stage. I'd love to try everything. You know, I'm at the point now where I would actually give everything a go. Whether it's good or bad, I'm gonna give it a go.

SPEAKER_00 26:51

We talk about scripted reality and things being real or not real. Obviously, your most recent uh recent reality was um Celebrity X on the beach. How real are those kind of things? Because we say we say it's scripted, you know, you're kind of playing a play in a role, even though it's yourself. I mean, uh are they is it still a surprise when shows like that? You can understand, like see the show.

SPEAKER_01 27:09

So me and my ex flying out to Grand Canaria and being in a villa for two weeks, that's not reality, is it? Yeah, that's the scripted parties. Getting us both to go to I'd never have been on Grand Canary, I've never bumped into my ex in that environment had it not been for the show, orchestrating that. So that's where it becomes scripted. That's what people need to understand. Then see if you're no, you know, because most of the time, say you see an ex, you might bump into an ex, um, you know, at a bar, restaurants, you ain't got to go and speak to him. You might see them, depending on how who the ex is, whether you speak to him is all on you. When you're on a TV show, you're told you have to, I have to engage with that ex. Where if I like him or I don't, they're told you're told to engage. Do you know what I'm saying? Because the end result is, you know, filmed for entertainment. It's for do you know what I'm saying? It's for the for the pleasure of the viewer. Um, so that's when it becomes not reality. So I'm saying, even though it's reality, it's not reality because that was never, would never ever have happened.

SPEAKER_00 28:06

So, other than seeing you on the big screen, what's uh what have we got to look forward to next for Lockheed? Obviously, I'm doing the app, and the minute I've got the app, the fitness stuff.

SPEAKER_01 28:14

So in a minute, I've not tried to not spread myself too thinly. Um, I'm doing things that, you know, yes, work, but things that make me happy. Like even the podcasts, I get asked to do podcasts all day. I'm here because I get on, I get on you with with friends, and I feel very comfortable. You can see after I talked to Lord Bullocks today, but I feel very comfortable and I'm doing things that please me, you know. Um, so yes, the acting is where I want to be. It's been a boyhood, a childhood dream. That's where I'm gonna be. I will be an actor. You know, I'm still doing reality TV. There's a few shows, big shows that I'm in line for. I'm waiting to hear back. Still doing reality. I still will probably pop in to Taui one day and do little cameos here and there. But the the main goal for me is the acting. That's where I want to be in the future. Then again, and the fitness, the fitness stuff. The fitness keeps me, you know. Um, I'll probably go to the gym after this because the fitness keeps me mentally sane and it keeps me well balanced and well-rounded, and it keeps me grounded, you know, going to the gym. I think going to the gym is a cure for anything. So yeah, just mainly just doing things this year and in the future that make me happy. You know, that's what's that's what life's about.

SPEAKER_00 29:13

Well, listen, that's fantastic advice for anyone of any age in any walk of life, buddy. It's been a pleasure having you here. Uh, like I say, always good to do with a friend and uh would have been eye sharp. I'm worried about your parking meter. Listen, I look forward to doing another another one again with you sometime soon, Paul. Thanks for being here. Thank you for having me.