Rock Bottom Is Not The End: Randy Duran’s Story Of Recovery

In this episode, I sit down with Randy Duran, a mental health coach who shares a deeply vulnerable story about depression, anxiety, addiction, loneliness, and the dangerous coping cycles that can form when pain goes unspoken. Mr. Duran opens up about struggling with identity and sadness as early as high school, turning to drugs, alcohol, women, gambling, and a fast lifestyle in an attempt to cope with loneliness and emotional isolation.

Throughout the conversation, Mr. Duran explains how those early patterns shaped his relationships, his self-concept, and his ability to connect with family, friends, and romantic partners. We discuss how many people can appear functional at school, at work, or in their family life while secretly carrying depression, anxiety, addiction, and suicidal thoughts. His story shows how hidden pain can compound over time when people feel like they cannot burden others with what they are going through.

Mr. Duran also shares the night that became one of his major turning points, after a crisis involving alcohol, suicidal intent, police, and the desire to hear his children’s voices one more time. From there, we talk about therapy, healing, accountability, and the importance of having professionals and supportive people who know how to walk with someone through a mental health crisis. I also share my own perspective from suicide prevention work, military mental health conversations, and the reality that lived experience can carry a type of specialized knowledge that matters deeply.

Randy Duran Contact Information:

Email: randydurant@mentalmasteryconsulting.com

Phone: 562-542-5678

Website: https://coupleonukes.com

Exodus, Honor Your Heart, & Nulu Knives: https://www.coupleonukes.com/affiliates/

Want to be a guest on Couple O' Nukes? Send me a message on PodMatch:  https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/1726279485588093e83e0e007

Sign Up For A PodMatch Account: https://www.joinpodmatch.com/coupleonukes

*Couple O' Nukes LLC and Mr. Whiskey are not licensed medical entities, nor do they take responsibility for any advice or information put forth by guests. Take all advice at your own risk.

Transcript

 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode of Couple O' Nukes. As always, I'm your host, Mr. Whiskey, and today we're gonna be talking about a couple different topics all overlapping from addiction in relationships to identity and hidden pain. We are all dealing with different struggles, and our struggles compound one another. And what we seek to cope with those struggles oftentimes we do so wrongly, we do so in a negative manner, and actually adds even more struggles that we then try to cope with even more so. Becomes vicious cycles we create in our life. But we can break free of them, and one way is the prevention awareness starts with conversations, having conversations with those who have kind of burnt out, lost everything, hit rock bottom, and we're here today with a man who has done just that and is now sharing his story to help everyone achieve a greater path than he once took. So Mr. Randy Duran, so great to have you here sharing your story, and I look forward to an impactful conversation. To start off, could you please tell us a little bit about yourself? Well, thank you for having me, first of all. Currently I am a mental health coach. I'm looking to help individuals who are struggling with, I think, mostly depression, anxiety. I'm somebody who has hit rock bottom quite a few times and I, I'm here now to kind of help individuals who feel like rock bottom's their last stop. And I just wanna let other people know that, you know, there's more to life than the worst moments in your life. So that- that's who I am. I'm that person that's trying to help you out. And if it's not me that's helping you out, I wanna point you in the right direction, point you to clinical professionals who may be able to help you, just as they helped me out. It's wasn't easy to get to this point. And, you know, I've dealt with my anxiety and depression since I was in high school. At that time, I didn't know exactly what it was. I just knew I was feeling sad and I was experiencing a lot of anxiety trying to figure out who I was. So when I didn't know who I was, that's when I resorted to drugs, women, alcohol, gambling, all those vices. And that carried over into my early to mid-20s and it, it, you know, instead of getting better, it just progressed and ultimately, you know, I that's where I ended up. You know, it, it wasn't an easy path, but it was a path I needed to be on because I am where I need to be. It f- you know, the universe put me on that path for a reason and I'm glad that I'm here where I am now. For sure. In fact, you know, we like to say that rock bottom isn't the end of the destination in the journey, it's the beginning of the bounce back. And oftentimes, the further down your rock bottom, the greater the bounce back. You know, don't go achieving seeking a deeper rock bottom. But, you know, the, the further down you go, all the more you have to accomplish and recover. And I think I wanna start with specifically what's going on in high school with you. You know, a lot of high schoolers, we all have been there or we're gonna get there, and there's a lot that goes on. Social pressures, parental pressures, you know, whether it's not wanting to be part of a drinking and, you know, sex scene in high school. Maybe it's academic pressures. There's also all kinds of bullying from physical abuse to the verbal and emotional abuse of other students or teachers. What was going on that had you so depressed and anxious? Was it outside of school? Was school a compounding factor? Was it just medical? What was kind of going on through your mind at that time? High school was complex for me. It made me grow up a lot faster than I should have. I was involved in a lot of activities that you would probably only see in movies. You know, my, I... At that time, outside of school my mother was focused on my four brothers. You know, it's total of five of us. She was focused on four of my brothers who were always in and out of trouble. At that time, I had self, enough self-awareness to know that I didn't wanna burden my mother any further with more trouble. And so I, I learned to keep to myself. I learned to, in a, in a way, raise myself. I don't wanna say I raised myself in that sense because, I mean, my mom was present. She was loving, caring, nurturing. She did the best she could with what she was given. And but I, I chose to isolate myself from the rest of my family. And so I then resorted to a circle outside of my family, right? So I started making friends who were involved in illegal activities. I mean, at sixteen, seventeen years old, I was in strip clubs. It'll be a Wednesday night, and I would drive down to Mexico, and, you know, we'll get into three, four strip clubs. I was messing around with multiple women, and it, it was, it was a fast life. Like I said, you know, made me grow up fast. I was around a lot of drugs, and I think, you know, around fourteen or so, that's also when I started selling drugs so I can make money to basically take care of the, of the person I thought I was at that time. And so I fell how to, you know, just be partying all the time. And of course, that requires a lot of money. So the more I would get involved with the drugs, the more I was around the people that Had a lot of money because, I mean, with drugs, a lot of, you know, there's a lot of money involved. And w- yeah, every day was just a party for me. You know, I would wake up, go to school. At, at school during my lunch, I would probably, you know, mo- most of the time it was like cocaine that I would take. Then from there, you know, I would go home, pop an Adderall, start drinking, then more cocaine and, you know, just I would repeat that cycle. And again, my mom was so much focused on my other brothers that it, it, it gave me the freedom to experiment with all those drugs and alcohol that, you know, the women. And it put me in a lot of situations that now as a dad, I would for-- I don't know what I would do if my son found himself in those kind of situations, you know. And I mean, just to give you an example, one time we were down in in Mexico, and we were at a club. We were trying to score some drugs. It was probably like two in the morning. And we paid a guy to go score some drugs. And after, you know, about half an hour, we re-we realized that he, he wasn't coming back with our money or our drugs. So we kidnapped his friend. We told his friend that, you know, he wasn't basically going anywhere until our drugs or our money come back. You know, and this is the kind of situations that I, I was in at, you know, fifteen, sixteen years old. And it, you know, now I look back and back then, like I... A big part of me wanted to be involved in sports like the other high schoolers, right? I wanted to play soccer. I wanted to do football. But I didn't have the resources to do that. And what-- So I was like, all right, you know, I would get home, and it was mostly my neighbors who I would get involved with as far as like drugs, alcohol. And, you know, I didn't need transportation. I didn't need funds to go and walk a couple minutes down the block so I can, you know, meet up with my friends and do whatever we had to do. And it just It, and now I realize, look, you know, I resorted to that because I felt lonely, and I would use drugs and alcohol and women to cope with the loneliness, with the depression. But unfortunately, that paved the future for what my relationships would look like. So I had only superficial relationships throughout high school because I, I didn't know how to form a healthy relationship. Mm. There was no solid foundation for me. And so it- It w-, you know, once adulthood hit, I had very few friends. I had, you know, one partner who was with me for 10 years before, you know, we broke up. But even in that relationship, you know, it wasn't healthy. Now looking back, I realize that, you know. And I, I mean, a huge part of me is regretful of how I conducted myself in that relationship. You know, I, I do look back and, you know, I tell myself that I did the best that I could with what I knew And that isn't to justify any of my actions. It's more so To let others know that it's okay to make mistakes, right? And the earlier we catch them, the healthier, the happier we're gonna feel in life. And I, I generally wish that back in high school, I had the proper support and knowledge to understand why I felt how I felt in my social structure. You know, it, it, it, it starts early on It just, it, it was painful and it, it carried on into college. I remember, you know, in college I, I went to see a counselor 'cause I wanted to study law. And I asked my counselor, I was like, "Hey, do you think I could get into UCLA with these grades?" He turns around, he looks at me, he's like, "Dude, you, you can apply to Harvard with your grades. I'm not telling you you're gonna get in, but you know, you can apply and you have a chance." And I was excited, you know. And on my way home, I was driving after seeing the counselor, and I realized like I had no one to share that news with, and I cried. You know, what, what was supposed to be a very happy, exciting time for me was just another reminder of the loneliness that I was surrounded by. And, you know, c- th- that... You know, back to your question, that, that's where the origin of my loneliness and depression stems. You know, I didn't know how to create a, you know, sustainable relationship with my family, and that would, you know, that, that was the formula that I used for all relationships going forward Some of the things you shared definitely are mind-blowing to, to me thinking back about my time in high school and, and you know, anyone listening, I'm sure you're thinking about the things you did in high school. Maybe not to that extreme, but definitely shaped profoundly some of the things you talked about. Now I wanna focus specifically on what you shared about the success and achievements with no one there to see or hear them about. That's something we've talked about on this show before, about deep parental wounds and wounds of accomplishing something and having no one there to tell about it. And it's interesting because it's never enough to just do it for ourselves. Oftentimes we do plenty of stuff j- just for ourselves, but to have company to share that news with, especially parents. You know, I talk all the time about like a lot of the success that I've had has been received by my peers and relationships and the family I've made for myself, but most of the time that news doesn't get shared with my actual parents or family because we don't have a connection, and it's different. It's different telling my coworkers that I got an award than it is to have my parents say they're proud of me just because that's, that's the soul design. You know, we were designed to be part of a family and, and we do miss that, so I relate a lot to that. You know, it's been sad to have so many moments that should have been the most joyous moments of my life of success and achievement be reminders of loneliness. I, I talked about recently on a podcast, the most contact I ever had on a birthday was my loneliest birthday because all the coworkers and neighbors who reached out, that only emphasized all the more who hadn't reached out. And it's not good for us to focus on what isn't there or who isn't there, but it is a real pain that is almost beyond our control, you know? And there's things you can do with your mindset to not focus on that, but it's just like emotions. That initial reaction happens. You know, what you do with it is up to you, but that initial reaction happens where you're like, "Man, you know, my mom doesn't know about this," or, "My dad doesn't know about this," or, "I don't have a parent to tell about this," or a significant other. And so I think that pain is deeply relatable. Now, you talked about this is just, you know, your high school years and, and going into college and stuff. How long did you struggle alone and battle all these vices until what was the turning point? So the turning point, like I said, I, I, I hit rock bottom multiple times. So I can point back to multiple points in my life where I felt more and more I was realizing things needed to change The last biggest thing that happened was, you know, I, I had-- I moved back to my parents' house after my ex and I separated. And so what happened was that my... right as my ex and I separated, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I didn't really have much relationship with my family, but I work in a medical field, and so I had access, or I had knowledge of how to basically navigate the situation that my mom was in. And so I was her emergency contact, and they called me and, you know, they told me, "Hey, you know, your mom has cancer." And I'm thinking like, "Oh, man." Like, you know, I, I don't even talk to my parents like that. I don't talk to my brothers like that. How, how am I gonna tell them this information, you know? And so I went ahead and relayed the message to my brothers. I called my mom. So of course it was a bad period. And, you know, at that time, I think I was looking for a place. My mom's like, "You know what? Like, why don't you just come move in with us?" So given the, you know, the context, I said okay, you know. So I, I decided to move back in with my parents and... But there was still a lot of loneliness with me because I, again, you know, I didn't have a relationship with my family and it didn't change overnight. It took a long time for me to get to where I'm at now. And from then to now, I was still involved with the women, the drugs, the alcohol, everything. And so the biggest moment which made me turn things around, you know, I was out partying, got too drunk, and of course I'm driving, you know. And I come back home. I hang out for a bit, but I get restless and, you know, I wanna go to a strip club. So I decided to take off, or I decided I wanted to take off. My brother stops me and my dad stopped me because they see how intoxicated I am, so obviously they don't want me driving around like that. And so we get into argument and At-- ultimately they call the cops. Cops arrive and I pretend to have a gun on me. That's... I, you know, I decided that was gonna be the last day for me. I didn't wanna be alive anymore. I was struggling with missing my kids, struggling with the separation, and just extreme amount of loneliness. I just couldn't deal with it anymore, you know? So I pretend to have a weapon. Cops drew their weapons, and before I knew it, ton of police were... They closed off the street. There's... They had, there had to be somewhere around 10 to 15 officers pointing their guns at me. And, you know, I-- they're, you know, they were asking me to put down whatever I had on me. And I was like, "Hey, you guys." You know, I told them, I was like, "Well, you know, how lucky do you guys feel? And, you know, if you guys wanna take me, come grab me and, you know, we'll see what happens." I then I... At one point I asked them for a minute because I wanted to call my kids to tell them I love them before whatever went down, went down. So they... The-- And the only reason I'm here now is because at that time my ex didn't answer the phone when I tried to call my kids so I could tell them goodbye. And she, yeah, so she didn't answer. I, I didn't want anything to happen without me hearing my kids one more time. So I, you know, like laid down, dealt with the consequences. And I think after that, you know, that was when I realized things had to change. And I went to You know, I, at that time I was seeing my therapist quite a bit, but then I increased the amount of times I was seeing her per week. And, you know, without her I wouldn't be here right now. She's one of the most amazing persons in my life, and I'm thankful for her. But yeah, that, that night was probably the biggest turning point that I had hit me in the face. For sure. And how did that lead you to where we are now with you guesting on podcasts, you know, doing the coaching? How do you get to a point where you say, "All right. I've been through to multiple rock bottoms. I turned my life around." It was not an easy process. I'm sure it took a lot of time and a lot of work. At what point after all that time and work do you say to yourself, "Hey, I, I think I should help others"? Or did someone encourage you to help others, or what really was the inspiration behind what you're doing now? The moment goes back prior to Recovery, right. I, I was this had to be maybe 10 years ago. I was working at the hospital, and I noticed a woman at that time, she had to be in her mid-30s, who she appeared to not be well mentally. And I, you know, I made the effort to make contact with her. And she was sent for treatment after drinking bleach. She wanted to, you know, commit suicide. She was unsuccessful, and now she was seeking treatment for, you know, physical repercussions of that. And we were trying to figure out the best re- path of treatment for her at that time to see where sh- you know, she would be best able to, you know, seek the treatment that she needed. Because at that time, where I was working at, we weren't properly equipped to s- to see her as a patient. And so she was redirected to a different facility for treatment. Two weeks later, the, you know, one of the big bosses comes down, and he asked me to have a seat with him. And he asked me, he's like, "Hey, do you remember this person?" I, I vividly remember her, you know. To this day, I remember what she wa- what she was wearing, her straightened hair, gray puffer jacket, some black tights. And I could tell she was very much afraid of something. And he's like, "Well, you know, we just need to know what happened that day." And, you know, we, we talked and at, at the end of the conversation, I asked, I was like, "Why? You know, what happened?" And he's like, "Well, she never made it where we asked her to go. She went to a bridge, jumped off, and, you know, she unfortunately com- had committed suicide." And that day sat with me Every day up till now, you know, I don't... I, of course I don't blame myself, but I feel a lot of sadness for her, you know, because I understand how it feels to feel so lonely and so out of options that you feel you have nothing else to do but, you know, to just give up, and it's a very dark corner that no one ever wants to be in. And I said I never forgot about that girl, and I, you know, once I st- went through treatment for my anxiety and my depression, I wanted to make it my goal to S- help others see light when, when they're in, when they're in those kind of situations. You know, it's Just, I mean, it's hard to put into words, but it's a very sad and depressing state to be in. And I, I think I have The connection to individuals to help them see their ways out, see their ways out of those kind of situations. And you know, when that night, once I got, uh Uh, you know, I was arrested and then they had to put me with individuals who wanted to commit suicide. I actually started helping a lot of those people out 'cause I was there for a couple days. They had me on hold. So I was there for a few days, and I was start- I started helping out some of the patients that were there. You know, I started talking to them and, you know, I was like, "Yeah, just, you know, reach out to me once you get out and we can talk and, you know, figure things out." Because I, you know, that's part of the reason that I'm also doing this. Working in the medical field, I s- I see the encounters that medical staff have with individuals who are dealing with mental health, and it's not-- I, I, I think there's still, there's still a lot of room for improvement as far as these interactions go. And, you know, I hope to be that bridge. I hope to teach professionals how to interact with individuals who were like myself, you know? I remember one time seeing a provider and, you know, I was experiencing a lot of depression, anxiety at that time, of course, so they, they put me on some meds. I-- These meds just shot my heart rate up. I went back to see a doctor. Doctor's, you know, he's like, "Hey, you're fine. Just go for a hike or something. Go out. Be with friends." I was like, "Dude," you know, like in my head I'm thinking, "If it was that easy, I would've done it already, right?" So I think there just needs to be a lot, a lot of training that medical professionals need in order to know how to deal with individuals in mental health crisis. And I, again, I wanna be that bridge. 100%. And so with that said, and on that note, what is the future kinda looking like? What does working with you kinda look like? What are kind of the layouts and future plans you have with expanding everything that you're doing? So right now I took time off from work so I can expand my mental health coaching. Currently I'm taking on more clients, but I'm also-- I've been doing a lot of podcasts as well just to help spread awareness. Currently I'm in talks with a location in s- in LA, South Central LA, about me possibly hosting a, a small conference there. I'm looking to have a couple clinicians alongside myself. Hopefully you know, give a few talks on mental health importance and provide them with resources. Cur- and I'm actually in school. I'm hoping to get my license to become a therapist. So, I have a lot going on. But thankfully, you know, it's, it, you know, everything I have go- that I have going on is not easy. You know, it's, it's, it's a lot of work, especially, you know, I have two kids, you know. But my therapist, one thing she always said is, "Your life's gonna be hard regardless of the path you take. So you, you know, you can take the path where you choose to ignore the depression, anxiety with drugs and alcohol, and eventually it catches up and it, it's not gonna be easy hell to climb out of. Or you can do the work now and it's, it's not gonna be easy, but it'll definitely be a lot more rewarding." So you gotta decide how you occupy your time with. And you know, now most of my days are occupied with research reaching out to different facilities so that I can make appearances working with my clients. And yeah, ultimately, like I said, I do hope to travel the world and, you know, talk about mental health, let people know that even though it's ugly, it, it does get better. Like, like I said, I, I've lived it all and I've got stories for days that, like I said, like, you know, they belong in movies, you know. And they're not stories I'm proud of. But they're things that happened, and they're, you know, those are things that are happening to other individuals right now. And I, I, I wanna be the person that helps change that story because I, the... I've had people who've helped me get here, you know? I didn't do this alone. And, Right ... you know, I was quite stubborn along the way. And you know, like, y- I know how it is to have this faulty self-concept of yourself. That makes you dig yourself into these bigger holes. And, you know, you, you play this narrative out, this narra- narrative that's engulfing you with negativity, right? You, you look for proof of who you think you are And I, I try to help people look for Different angles of their life and try to help them explore not just the possibilities out there, but who they are at that time. You know, we, we... When we're depressed in age, we paint ourselves in such a terrible manner, you know? But I truly believe there's an innate goodness in all of us. And with a lot of work, I think it's possible to find that, you know? As hard as it sometimes it's... You know, for a long time, I didn't believe that. I, I felt that I wasn't a good person, and maybe I just wasn't meant to be a good person. And again, I looked for that proof around me, and if I found a proof, it was just more reason to be the individual that I was. And so it took me a long time to figure out that I was a good person, and that I was deserving of good things So I wanna, I wanna help people find good things, you know? Right, 100%. Mm-hmm. And like you said, they're not stories that we're proud of. They are ugly and embarrassing and shameful, but they're the truth and, and they're the real things that people are going through, and we need to embrace that, and it's only by facing them and confronting them in their truest form and reality that we can have that proper recovery. And so along those lines, who and really how can people reach out to you? How should they get in contact with you, whether it's collaboration being a client, or working on some kind of future project together? What's the best way to reach you? Definitely email or phone and text. My email is randydurant@mentalmasteryconsulting.com. Like, once again, it's randydurant@mentalmasteryconsulting.com. My phone number is 562-542-5678. That's my business number, so I may not always get to it on time, but leave a message. You can always text me. Once again, 562-542-5678. And I'm always on Instagram. You can get me on there. My Instagram handle is randy, R-A-N-D-Y, does, D-O-E-S, better, B-E-T-T-E-R, so randydoesbetter. But yeah, those are three ways you can get ahold of me, and I look forward to working with anyone that reaches out to me. And, you know, again, if I'm not the person that's gonna help you out, I'm more than happy to point you in the direction where you might find help. All right. Well, Mr. Duran, thank you so much for your time today, for sharing some vulnerable parts of your story, and hopefully it resonated with some people, you know, whatever they're running from or have ran to in the past, whether that's addiction or sexual relationships or whatever other vices they're trying to use to cope with their struggles. We thank you. Like you mentioned, and like we often talk about, you can be struggling with all these things and still show up functionally at work, in a family, or at school. A lot of people are struggling silently because they don't wanna be a burden to other people. It, you know... But the truth is that you're not a burden. We're all here to help serve one another, and please, you know, share and listen and support one another. And again, if you wanna reach out to Mr. Duran, we're gonna have all that contact information in the description below. And I encourage everyone listening to open up and share a bit about their story to the right people at the right time, and you can have a great impact, whether that's your own recovery or helping others recover. So Mr. Duran, again, thank you for your time today. And thank you for having me on your platform. I really appreciate this. And I, I wish your podcast a lot of success going forward. Thank you for having me