The Introvert Leader

The Lies Leaders Tell Themselves

• Austin Hopkins

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 9:21

I was three weeks into a new leadership role when one of my top performers told me my idea would never work. In that moment, I felt defensive, unsure, and tempted to keep the peace. Instead of addressing it, I told myself a story that made avoiding the discomfort feel smart. 

In this episode, I’m breaking down the five lies I told myself as a leader, how they quietly damaged my team, and what to do instead.


Timestamps

1:41 – Lie #1: My Team’s Performance Will Speak For Itself.

3:00 – Lie #2: They’re Not Complaining, So They Must Be Happy.

4:19 – Lie #3: I’m Being Nice By Not Holding Them Accountable.

5:38 – Lie #4: I’ll Just Give The Best Projects/Work to My A Players.

6:55 – Lie #5: They Aren't That Bad. I Can Manage Around Them.

8:10 – Challenge for Listeners: Label the lie, Take action in 7 days.  



Career & Leadership Coaching

  • Want a better career? Clients who work with us earn 57% more and get promoted 3x faster on average: Book your free career clarity call here.


Free Resources

  • The Brag Sheet (free Career Achievement Tracker): Here
  • Take the free Career Fulfillment quiz: Here


Engage

Lie 1: Performance Speaks For Itself

Lie 2: Silence Means People Are Happy

SPEAKER_00

I'm in a one-on-one with my employee Carrie. I share a new idea I want to try. She looks at me and says, I've been a high net worth advisor for over five years. I guarantee you this isn't gonna work. In that moment, I felt doubtful, slightly threatened, and a little defensive. I was three weeks into my new role, and so I kept telling myself, I can't ruffle any feathers, and maybe she does know best. So I decided to let it slide. Now Carrie was a top performer. She thought she deserved my job. She was the type of person that rolled her eyes, talked behind my back, and cut corners I didn't agree with. But she never did it in public. So I kept telling myself it's not that bad. And the problem is, the longer I told myself that, the more I lost control of the culture. People started to doubt my ability. The more I avoided discomfort, the more my team paid for it. If you've been leading for any length of time, you've probably told yourself something similar. Today, I want to walk through the five lies I told myself as a leader, why they felt reasonable in the moment, how they slowly did damage, and what to do instead. Every time you share an episode, you leave a review, you post a comment on LinkedIn, you're helping me grow this show into what I believe is gonna be the best career and leadership podcast in the world. So if you haven't, take a second and hit that follow button. I want to make sure you don't miss any episodes this year. With that, let's jump into it. If my team hits all of their performance metrics, shows up consistently, and tries to be a good partner to work with, that's enough. I don't have time or energy for much else. So the lie I told myself for years was that my team's performance would speak for itself. Now it felt smart in the moment, right? If I did X, I would get Y. If my team performs, that should be enough to get the attention and the respect we deserved. I shouldn't have to play the game or self-promote to win. Why should I have to do anything else than my core responsibility, which is performing? I was busy. I didn't have extra time to do anything else other than my core role. Unfortunately, this is where it actually leads. Corporations are littered with high-performing teams that never break through. Leaders are stuck in the same role year after year, even though they are doing what's expected of them. The problem is that if you aren't telling the story of your team, people are making it up for you. Or worse, you aren't even in the conversation. Now, here's what a better leader does. The best leaders craft the story of their team. They act as the author, sharing what people need to know and see. It's not that they love self-promotion, it's that they know people are busy and have super short attention spans. They share their wins broadly, they're tying their efforts to the big problems that the company is facing, and showing how they support and collaborate within the org, not just staying in their own lane, focusing on their own performance. Top-tier leaders are showing their impact through all hands meetings, consistently recognizing cross-department collabs, and sending communication that tells a story and breaks the pattern. Let's move on to the next one. People are busy. They're gonna reach out if they need something. My team knows my number, and I told them I have an open door policy. The lie I told myself was that if my team wasn't complaining, they must be happy. Now it felt smart in the moment. We've all been taught that it's better not to assume the worst. So why would I assume that silence means my team's unhappy if I don't hear from them, right? I might be creating extra problems for myself that I don't need to. Unfortunately, here's where it actually led. Waiting for your team to come to you when they aren't feeling engaged or fulfilled is almost never going to happen. Instead, you're gonna risk losing your best performers, your key influencers. They're gonna find better teams and companies to work for, leaving you with huge gaps to fill that take months or years. Now, here's what a better leader does instead. It's our job to read between the lines and use our emotional intelligence to notice when the tiniest behavioral changes happen. Who's getting quiet? Who's doing the bare minimum now? Who's sharing their frustrations with more passion or edge during team meetings? As a leader, I have to constantly be looking at my team and what they aren't saying. When I see even the slightest change, I need to sit down with them right away and ask how I can help. I need to constantly try to find ways to make their job and their life easier. If I do that, I know they're gonna be happy. I won't have to guess. Now, having the ability to see what your employee needs even when they don't ask is a skill that takes time to master, I'll be honest, but it pays off handsomely. All right, let's move on to the next. Nobody's perfect. When I see one of my employees missing the mark, I can just ignore it because I know they're working hard. I don't want to be a micromanager, I want my manager to give me the benefit of the doubt, so I'm gonna do the same for my team. If I just ignore it, it's probably gonna get better. The lie I was telling myself was I'm being nice by not holding them accountable. Now, of course, it felt smart. Being nice feels like something great leaders do. Being nice feels good in the moment. I feel like I'm being a good boss, I'm making my team's life easier. And if I was to put myself in their shoes, of course I'd want my boss to do the same thing. Unfortunately, here's where it actually led. Being nice and kind aren't the same thing. Nice creates problems, kindness creates trust. Avoiding accountability creates massive, irreparable damage. It allows small issues to turn into major issues, bad habits and behaviors grow and end up hurting everyone on the team. People who are doing things the right way are going to start to doubt your standards if you aren't enforcing them. And the people you aren't holding accountable are gonna get worse and worse over time. Avoiding accountability under the guise of being nice doesn't work. Here's what better leaders do instead. Great leaders do the hard things in the short term to help the team in the long run. They have uncomfortable conversations and they set standards for everyone on the team because they know that without standards, progress is impossible. I promise you, you can be a kind person who holds your team accountable without being an asshole. Let's move on to the next one. My best people need special treatment. If I don't give them what they want, they're gonna go elsewhere. My weaker employees need to prove to me they're worth the more important or high visibility work. So the lie I told myself was that I'll just give the best projects to my A players, and that'll be okay. Now, again, it felt smart. Giving your most important or best projects to your best people makes logical sense on the surface. You know it's gonna get done on time, the work's gonna be quality, you won't have to spend much of your own time to ensure it's completed. It's safe, it's easy. But here's where it actually leads. Unfortunately, two negative risks can happen. Realistically, A players are gonna stay A players, but they're gonna get overworked because they are looped into every important or high visibility project. Now your B and C players are gonna stay right where they are. They don't improve or get stretched. You burn through your strongest resource and you waste your others. Here's what the best leaders do instead. They strategically choose work for the greatest good of the team. That means they're giving exciting, important, high visibility work to the B and C players, even though it's not gonna be easy. They get their A players to collab with them, or they spend their own time coaching those B or C players side by side, which eventually turns them into A's. They consistently find ways to increase the collective intelligence and expertise of the team, not just a few people. All right, let's move on to the final lie. I know the team says that they're kind of tough to work with, but they've been here forever. They're filling a real need, adding value. At least I can count on them to be a consistent performer. This was the carry I was telling you about earlier. So the lie I was telling myself was they're not that bad. I can just manage around them. And again, it felt smart. Why would I get rid of a top performer? You know, value is value, right? Firing someone who fills a void on your team seems like the wrong move. No one is perfect, and beggars can't be choosers. Well, here's where it actually led. The longer I kept toxic employees on the team, the worse it got. They're like a cancer infecting everything around them. A once strong, tight team can start to fall apart. That toxic employee undermines your leadership. They compete unnecessarily with others and they cause conflict where there wasn't any before. Here's what a better leader would have done in that moment. A strong leader starts with the end in mind. They're confident in their ability to hire the right people to solve the problems that need solving. So if you're keeping a toxic employee around to fill a specific need, you may not realize it, but it is selfish. It may feel uncomfortable to get rid of that person. But I promise you, the week after they're gone, the entire team is gonna feel a lightness like you can't even imagine. So rip off the band-aid and find your next rock star. All right, I want to wrap things up with a challenge for you. So I want you to identify one lie you're currently telling yourself. And let's be honest, you already know what it is. Next, I want you to name the short-term discomfort you've been avoiding. Then I want you to act within seven days. No waiting. Schedule the one-on-one, send the email, have the conversation. When you do, two things are gonna happen. First, your team is gonna take a giant step forward. Second, your confidence is gonna rise. Not because you feel 100% ready, but because you did the hard thing you know in your heart you needed to. Now let's be honest, leadership isn't about being perfect. It's about catching yourself when you start rationalizing or making excuses. The moment you stop lying to yourself is the moment you start leading at a higher level. So if this episode hit close to home and you know you're capable of more, I can help. Clients that work with me get promoted three times faster and they make on average 57% more. So click the link to learn more. I want to say thank you so much for listening. Make it a great day.

Contributor

Austin Hopkins

Host