Navigating the Holidays When You’re TTC: Triggers, Stress & What Really Impacts Your Cycle

The holidays can be magical — but if you’re trying to conceive, they can also feel incredibly heavy. Between family gatherings, triggering comments, pregnancy announcements, disrupted routines, and the emotional weight of longing for a baby, this season brings unique challenges that often go unspoken.

In today’s solo episode, Jacqueline shares a supportive and practical guide for navigating the holiday season while TTC. You’ll learn how to protect your emotional well-being, set healthy boundaries, handle difficult conversations, and understand the real impact stress and travel can have on your cycle. (Spoiler: it’s less than you think!)

Whether you’re heading into Thanksgiving, preparing for December festivities, or simply trying to stay grounded, this episode offers comfort, clarity, and actionable tools to help you move through the holidays with more compassion for yourself.

In this episode, we cover:
✨ Why the holidays often feel harder when you’re TTC
✨ Emotional triggers and how to prepare for them
✨ Simple scripts for handling intrusive questions
✨ Boundaries that protect your peace during gatherings
✨ What holiday stress actually does to your hormones + cycle
✨ How travel, sleep disruption, and routine changes impact fertility
✨ Small, supportive habits you can use all season long
✨ A grounding message for anyone feeling overwhelmed

You deserve support — especially during the holidays.
 If you need a community that understands the emotional, physical, and mental weight of TTC, join Your Fertility Village as a Founding Member (for only $7/mo thru 2025) here:
https://your-fertility-village.mn.co/landing

Take a deep breath… you’re not alone this season. 💛

Listen now for a mix of validation, science, and big-sister-energy support to carry you through the holidays.

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And Holiday Context
• 0:38 Friendsgiving Sparks Family Planning Talk
• 2:43 The Mixed Emotions Of Thanksgiving
• 4:09 Scripts For Uncomfortable Questions
• 7:41 Boundaries, Breaks, And Partner Signals
• 10:50 Stress, Travel, And Your Cycle
• 14:06 Practical Habits For A Calmer Week
• 18:39 Hold Your Why And Give Grace
• 21:11 Your Fertility Village Invitation
• 24:29 Closing Encouragement And How To Join

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:01

Are you tired of scrolling your feed only to see the highlight reel version of motherhood? If so, then you're in the right place. Welcome to the Motherhood Intended podcast. I'm your host, Jacqueline Baird, and I'm a passionate mom here to support women like you in their unique journeys to and through motherhood. I have been through it all. We're gonna be talking about things like trying to conceive, infertility, IVF, surrogacy, mom life, and more. It's time to get real about what it takes to be a mom and come together in the fact that things don't always go as planned. So here we go. Hey friend, it's Jaclyn. Welcome back to Motherhood Intended. I'm so glad you pressed play today, especially in the middle of a week that can feel complicated. You know, the holidays are gearing up. This past weekend, um, my husband and I hosted Friendsgiving at our house, which was so much fun. We had, let's see, I think we had like nine adults and seven kids over, and it was a lot of fun. It was a little loud because all the kids are like age seven and under with a few toddlers in the mix. Um, but it was a lot of fun. And even in the midst of fun, I couldn't help but notice that the topic of IVF or family planning or talking about how families were complete, you know, all these things came up. I heard in one conversation or another throughout the night, whether it was with the women or the men. So this topic it comes up a lot, I feel like at the end of the year and around holidays as everyone's talking about the new year and just thinking about what your goals are. And unfortunately, that means that others are probably going to ask about your family plans as well. And I don't know about you, but Thanksgiving week kind of always brings up a mix of emotions. You know, there's the excitement, the family, the traditions. And then if you're trying to conceive, there's the other layer, you know, the hard stuff, the quiet stuff, the moments you prepare for in your head before you walk into a room full of aunts and uncles and cousins and whoever. So today's episode is all about holding space for you, your feelings, your boundaries, and yes, even the science behind how stress and travel impact your cycle. Consider this your Thanksgiving survival guide, a blend of emotional support and practical reassurance for navigating everything from Aunt Linda's questions to a sleep schedule that's already out the window. So we're gonna get into triggers, scripts, holiday stress, cycle timing, all of it. So take a deep breath, grab a warm drink, and let's walk into this holiday week together. First, I want to start with something important. If Thanksgiving week feels heavier for you this year, there's nothing wrong with you. Okay? Holidays tend to magnify whatever we're already carrying. If you're grieving a loss, longing for a baby, feeling stuck in the waiting, the holidays act like a bright spotlight on it. Everyone posts their big family announcements, everyone talks about their kids at the table, there's matching pajamas and holiday cards arriving in the mail. And for a lot of people listening, it's beautiful, but also incredibly painful. I absolutely remember certain holidays where I truly had to mentally like rehearse how I would respond to questions before I even left the house. You know, there were the years where I longed to be a mom and gifting things for my nieces and nephews and getting all the holiday cards with pregnancy announcements was just too much to bear sometimes. I mean, there were some holiday seasons in there where I just took myself off social media because I just couldn't see it anymore. It was too painful for myself. And like I said, there were years where I'd have to like prepare myself to walk in to see family members I haven't seen in a while and just like rehearse what I wanted to say. And then there were years I walked into Thanksgiving feeling really hopeful. And then years where I walked in after a loss, feeling absolutely shattered. One year I remember taking pictures before holiday season or announcement photos. I remember just kind of like holding my breath and saying, okay, don't get ahead of yourself. Don't get excited. Honestly, the emotional gymnastics of it all is exhausting and it's all heightened during the holiday season. And then there are the comments. You know, even when people mean well, they'll be like, So when are you two going to have kids? Or you'd better start trying soon. Or even for those who have had children and maybe with the help of fertility treatments, IVF, whatever it is, people will still go on and ask you, oh my gosh, are you when are they gonna have a sibling? I kid you not, even after people knowing my whole history of three losses, IVF, complicated pregnancies, and having my daughter via surrogacy, I still have people ask me, so are you guys done or do you think you want one more? What a loaded question. Am I right? First off, not even for her to ask. Second of all, you have no idea how hard it was for every single one of my children to be here. And honestly, it just goes to show that people don't know a lot about surrogacy because that is a big undertaking, especially financially. So, yeah, would I love to have another child? Yes. Is that feasible? No. People mean well, they really, really do. But the questions, oh, it can land differently when you are in the thick of trying to conceive before IVF, after losses, after months of nothing working. It's like everyone else is playing a holiday movie on a screen and you're watching it from the outside. And if that's you this year, I see you. And today's episode is here to make this week even just slightly easier. That's my goal for you. So let's get practical for a minute. Because honestly, no matter how emotionally prepared you are, there's always going to be that person, the one who asks something insensitive without realizing the impact. So here are a few gentle, easy responses you can use. So if someone asks, so when are you having kids? Here are some ways to respond. One, we're focusing on our health and enjoying the season we're in. We'll share when there's something to share. Or on a firmer boundary, that's actually something we're keeping private. Don't be afraid to just shut it down. Okay. You don't have to have these conversations if you don't want to. And I will tell you from experience, there were holidays where I needed to talk about it. I needed that off my shoulders. I wanted people to know what I was going through in that season of life. And I wanted the support. And obviously, it depends what kind of company you're in and what your comfortability is with that. But there were years where I really did need to talk about it and I needed those around me to know where I was at. And then there were years where I was so incredibly exhausted and just wanted to have one holiday and one afternoon without being bogged down by the thoughts of infertility and all the dreams I was uncertain would come true. If somebody makes a comment about your biological clock, first of all, rude. But here's a response. You can say, There's more happening behind the scenes than you know, and we're moving at our own pace. Because you know there's always that aunt or that grandma or somebody who says, Well, you know, time's a ticking. So rude. So rude. Again, they usually mean well, but like, ugh. So if someone announces a pregnancy and you feel that sting, because chances are it could happen. And while some friends and family members are aware of maybe your circumstance and might be sensitive to how they announce, or maybe they, you know, I've had friends announce to other friends privately before being public about their news. That could be one scenario. But also if you're keeping everything kind of close to you, which is perfectly fine, someone else might announce their good news and you're gonna feel that sting. And it's not their fault. It's just where you're at and how it's gonna feel to hear it. It's okay to like take a step outside, take a breath, or leave early. You know, a simple, I'm really happy for you and I need a moment to process, I'll be back. That's enough. You don't have to cause a scene, you don't have to pretend to be any kind of way. It is perfectly fine to take a minute and process and come back to it, or leave early if it's truly affecting you to the point where you're just not feeling being around everybody. And if you're not feeling up for a big gathering this year, you are allowed to say, you know, we're keeping it low-key this holiday, but sending all our love. Okay. You don't owe anyone the reason. You don't have to go explaining your why, like you're in the middle of IVF or you're just not feeling being around all the children in your family this year. Like whatever it is, you don't owe anyone the reason. You're going through a lot and you are allowed to do what feels best for you. If you decide to go to the family gathering, the Thanksgiving dinner, and you need an escape during the event, try like a planned break. All right. Tell your partner ahead of time, say, like, hey, if I squeeze your arm twice, that means I need a quick breather. Or have a phrase you can use like, I'm gonna go help in the kitchen. Even if you just go sit in the bathroom for a moment of peace. My husband and I have started using, based on the recommendation of our therapist, um, like a code word for when either of us are overwhelmed or when we need to table a conversation. If it's getting heated and we need to pause, we just throw out the code word and we both kind of know where we're at and we circle back. Give that a try too. A phrase, a code word, just a little squeeze of your partner's arm. Just let them know that like you need a quick breather and they've got your back. This one is really important because I didn't always do this and I've learned that this is okay. Okay. You have permission, you're hearing it here today. You have permission to step back. Meaning you don't have to show up as the happy holiday person if that's like not where you're at emotionally. You can show up as the real you, the I'm doing my best, but this is hard version of you. And by the way, none of this means like you aren't grateful. As I've said it a million times, grief and gratitude can absolutely coexist. They do so for many of us. I mean, you can be very grateful for the family that you have and to have people to spend the holidays with and thankful for other things in your life, but also grieve what you don't have yet. Kids of growing family, a partner, like whatever it is, you can be grateful and feel gratitude at the same time and also be managing grief and all the things. Okay. So take it from me. Don't feel like you need to show up as a fake version of yourself. Like it's fine, everything's fine. I'm happy. It's Christmas. I have to be happy because it's Christmas. It's Thanksgiving. Like, I'm so thankful. Don't waste your energy. Okay. You're human. You are allowed to be the version that is just doing their best, but it's hard. And that's okay. Shifting gears a bit, let's talk about the physical side of this week. Obviously, there's a lot of emotional things that will come up around the holidays, like we just talked about. There's family members, conversations we need to navigate, emotions we need to be in tune with, but there's also kind of this whole physical side of stress, travel, your cycle. So I want to talk about what actually matters. There's so much fear around holiday stress, messing up our cycles, or delaying ovulation, or ruining timed intercourse, right? I know those of you listening out there can understand the pressure of timed intercourse, right? You know you are ovulating and you just happen to have to be at Aunt Susie's Thanksgiving dinner, and you're trying to cram everything all in. And not only is it not a magical experience when you are often doing timed intercourse month after month with no success, but the holidays even throw a bigger wrench into the whole situation. So let me say this clearly: stress during Thanksgiving does not ruin your cycle. Okay. Your body is a lot more resilient than you think. I used to worry about everything, absolutely everything, when I was trying to get pregnant. You know, like, oh my gosh, am I working out enough? Am I not working out too much? Did I eat the right way? Am I feeling too much anxiety? Is my stress? Is this medication like stressed about absolutely everything? And you have to know that your body is a lot more resilient than you think. I mean, think about years and years and years of people getting pregnant through really difficult times, the Great Depression, wars, like all these things, and their bodies were definitely experiencing stress. Your body is a lot more resilient than you think. Sure, does extreme prolonged stress impact ovulation? Yes. But short-term stress from travel or just holiday chaos, not usually. Okay. So here's what might shift slightly, though. If you're traveling across time zones, it could nudge your cycle timing just a bit. If you have major sleep disruptions, so if you are just constantly staying up late, not getting enough sleep, that could shift things slightly. If you're not eating enough or you're skipping meals, which is important because I feel like it goes one way or the other around the holidays, right? You're either like overeating and overindulging and not moving your body enough, or you're so busy with all the places you're going and things that you're doing, you're not eating enough, or you're skipping meals. Getting sick, unfortunately, we all know that this time around the holidays and being around more people spreads germs. That could affect things. And then intense emotional stress, like a loss or trauma. That can mess up your cycle, that can mess up your body. But here's what won't ruin your cycle: having a late night, one stressful family dinner, a few drinks, one or two days off with your nutrition, eating stuffing instead of your usual fertility-friendly food or being out of your routine. Your hormones don't operate on a minute-by-minute basis. Okay, they adjust over time. So breathe. One chaotic Thanksgiving week is not going to derail your trying to conceive journey. So just right here, hit pause if you need to. First off, and this is an easy one or should be in theory, but I know I've struggled with this too. Hydrate. Okay, especially if you're traveling or drinking. Keep water nearby during meals and car rides. If you're indulging in holiday cocktails, take this tip from me. And this isn't even like, I'm not trying to conceive at the moment, but just with age, uh, my body is not as good at drinking alcohol. So I will have a cocktail and then a water. A cocktail and then a water. That will help you stay hydrated. Don't let yourself have that second glass of wine until you've had a glass of water. Next, I want you to prioritize sleep when you can, even if it's not perfect. Okay. An early bedtime, great. Midday nap, also great. Nurture yourself, take care of yourself. I know it's a hard time to prioritize sleep if you are busy traveling or, you know, preparing whatever side dish you have to bring to the holiday dinner. But just, you know, maybe get in bed one night early this week or you've got the day off work, take a nap, right? Ugh, naps for adults are the best. And then aim for balanced plates. There is absolutely no need for perfection. Just think protein, carb, fat to keep your blood sugar steady. Okay, don't go heavy in one direction or the other. Just kind of think about that balance, and that is perfectly great for Thanksgiving week. And then I want to challenge you to plan one grounding ritual. By this I mean like take a deep breath before walking into the gathering. Or maybe you take a quick bathroom break to reset. Ask your partner for a grounding hand squeeze. Put on calming music before you drive over somewhere. Whatever is going to feel good to you, make that your like grounding ritual. And that way you kind of can set the tone for your body and regulate your emotions and be prepared for what you're about to do. That deep breath before walking into a gathering can do wonders. This is one that I always gave myself a hard time with, especially over the holidays. I want you to give yourself grace with alcohol. Okay. We limit ourselves to so many specific guidelines when we are trying to conceive, especially when it's not working. You know, when months go by or you're in the middle of fertility treatments, an IVF cycle, whatever it is. If you're like me, you are trying to do every single thing right to give yourself the best chance of success. Sometimes you just need to do what feels right, and it will actually have a better impact on your overall health if you are not just totally stressed out and anxiety ridden with all the things you should or should not be doing. Sometimes you just got to care less. So one or two drinks during the holidays is not harmful to fertility unless you're in a very like specific medical window, thinking like right after a retrieval or it is your transfer week, or there's like specific medication instructions. Those scenarios are different, but for the person who is just trying to conceive or not in like a very specific medical window in your cycle, like one or two drinks during the holidays is definitely not harmful to your fertility. This next one, I want you to have an exit plan. Okay. AirPods in your pocket plus a walk outside equals your lifeline if you're like me. Sometimes a quick walk around the block when things are feeling overwhelming or the Thanksgiving gathering is feeling a little stuffy or high emotions if you are having conversations that you weren't ready for. Just have an exit plan and take a walk. Okay. Bring your AirPods, get outside for some fresh air. It'll work wonders. Lastly, I want you to stay connected to your why this week. This week and going into the other holidays, Christmas, whatever you celebrate through the end of the year. There's lots going on. I want you to stay connected to your why. When the noise gets loud, like comments, announcements, emotions, remember, your journey is unfolding on your timeline. Your story is still being written. This season is definitely not your forever. Okay. It will feel like it when you're in the thick of it. Uh, so many Thanksgivings I spent just with a big question mark on my heart of wondering if it's ever going to happen for me. Will I ever be a mom? Will I ever carry a pregnancy to term? Will I ever get pregnant again? Will surrogacy work out for us? I there were so many emotions. And mixed in with those emotions as we grew our family was also, wow, I'm so thankful that this child is here while pregnant, you know, with a high-risk pregnancy with another. Wow, I'm so incredibly thankful for IVF and science and our faith that I have two boys here on earth. Will I ever have a daughter? Will I ever have another child on earth? The emotions that crossed over for many, many years were a lot. They can be really heavy. But if I could go back and tell myself, I would say just what I'm telling you. Your journey is unfolding on your timeline. Your story is still being written. This season is not your forever. And I promise you that the holidays will hit different one day. I don't know what your journey has in store for you. I don't know how your story is going to unfold, but I do know that you will not feel the way you feel this holiday season forever. And that's for everyone, whether your family is complete, whether you've started a family, whether you're still building your family, whatever it is, every year looks different. There's always going to be different emotions. So this season is not your forever. Remember that. As I wrap up this episode, I want to leave you with this. Thanksgiving doesn't have to be all gratitude and joy. It can be complicated, like I said. It can be tender, it can be painful and hopeful at the same time. And if this week feels heavy, you're allowed to let it be heavy. You're allowed to protect your peace. You are allowed to set boundaries, and you're allowed to receive support. You're not doing this alone. And if you need a place where people truly get what this feels like, your fertility village is here for you. It's a space where you don't have to explain yourself, a space where the emotional, physical, and mental pieces of trying to conceive are all welcomed. And right now, we're welcoming founding members of your fertility village. From now until the end of the year, everyone who joins your fertility village gets a founding member badge and we'll be on the ground floor of building this community and setting the tone for what it is going to be. I'm so excited. I'm definitely in there leading the way. But the village is made up of women like you, women who can tell each other what they need, who can be open and honest about what they're experiencing. And most importantly, connect with other women who get it. In your fertility village, you will have your own app where you can connect with people who are even physically nearby you. You can make a new friend. You can reach out with questions. And most importantly, the village is full of a whole resource library of all different things to help you on your journey. As a founding member, you get this membership for only$7 a month. I don't know if you're like me, but I spend at least$7 a day, definitely a week, on Starbucks. So give up that one coffee, give up a couple coffees, and you could have access to your own fertility village. People say this all the time. It takes a village to raise kids. As a mom now, I definitely understand that is true. It takes a village to raise kids. But I learned about the importance of a village long before I became a mom. And sadly, that village just didn't exist. Sure, there are message boards and Facebook groups and information overload everywhere when it comes to infertility, but a true village who is there for you, just like someone would be there for you in motherhood, that's what's missing. And that's what I want to do for you with your fertility village. This will be your place to carry you through an infertility journey, to carry you through the family-building experience, no matter which road you take. And you know what? Your village isn't going anywhere after that. Because in your fertility village, this community will grow with you. So once you get that positive pregnancy test, once you bring a baby home, once your family's complete, you will still have the village that is in the same season of life as you. And so your fertility village will be that community for you through every step of the way from just starting to conceive long past achieving motherhood. So join me in the village as a founding member. The best part is that you lock in that$7 a month membership for life. Come the new year, the price will increase. And honestly, locking in that for life is amazing because the resources will continue to grow, the community will continue to grow. We have things on the horizon like a nonprofit organization to raise money for Fertility Village members. We have events planned, future meetups, webinars, so many amazing things coming your way. So get in on the ground floor now because your membership price will never increase if you join before the end of the year. Everything is linked in the show notes, so check there. You can also send me an email, hello at motherhoodintended.com, send me a DM on Instagram at motherhood underscore intended, and I'm happy to send you a direct link to invite you straight into the village. I would love to have you there. Wherever you are listening from today, I'm sending you so much love this holiday week. You are strong, you are allowed to rest, and you deserve to feel supported. Thanks for spending this time with me. I'm wishing you a gentle Thanksgiving week, and I'll catch you in the next episode. Until then, take care and know that you are not alone.