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The Homeschool How To
I don't claim to know anything about homeschooling, so I set out on a journey to ask the people who do! Join me as I chat with homeschoolers to discuss; "why are people homeschooling," "what are all the ways people are using to homeschool today," and ultimately, "should I homeschool my kids?"
The Homeschool How To
#125: From Russian Rigidity to an Unschooling Approach: One Mother's Revolution
What does it take to break free from a lifetime of educational conditioning? For Evgenia, a Russian immigrant now homeschooling in Canada, the journey began with a powerful realization: "I don't like to share my child with the government."
Growing up in Russia's rigid school system left lasting impressions – some teachers still appear in her nightmares decades later. But becoming a mother transformed everything, shifting her from liberal-minded to questioning mainstream educational approaches. When her son was born, Evgenia discovered a freedom she never knew existed in education.
The path hasn't been without challenges. Homeschooling an only child means constant companionship without breaks, especially for her naturally social six-year-old who "always is on me all the time." She candidly shares her evolution from attempting strict "school at home" with her toddler to embracing a more natural learning approach across three languages – Russian, Polish, and English.
Perhaps most valuable is Evgenia's insight into sustaining yourself through the intense journey of homeschooling. Her morning ritual before anyone wakes gives her 45-60 minutes of self-renewal – looking at the sun, enjoying nature, practicing self-massage, prayer, and sometimes dancing alone. "I realized I cannot live like this anymore," she explains, "because I want to pour into everyone's cup, but my cup is empty."
Her wisdom extends beyond education into wellness: "Use your kids as motivation to take care of yourself." This perspective reframes self-care not as selfish but essential – we're modeling behaviors our children will carry into adulthood. Whether you're considering homeschooling, struggling with balancing parenthood, or simply seeking a fresh perspective on education, Evgenia's story reminds us that learning never stops for parents or children.
Free resources https://www.atnourishedmotherhood.com/free-resources
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What is the most important thing we can teach our kids?
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Welcome, and with us today I have Evgenia. How are you?
Speaker 2:Okay, today's just. It's been a day, but we're almost at the end of it and it's almost time to sleep, so I will rest, recover. Our car broke down and today we had some leakage from the second floor to the first floor through the lights and I was thinking do I cancel the podcast? I don't know, but it's okay. I remembered that, since I'm Russian, I can work under pressure and that's my superpower, so I'm fine.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, I love that. Well, first of all, you could have rescheduled. I would not have been mad at you for that.
Speaker 2:I actually was like, I actually work under pressure way better.
Speaker 1:So I love that you're Russian. I one of my favorite guests and she's someone that messages me all the time. She's Russian as well, and she just had the funniest stuff to say when she was on my episode. She was like if there are any people that know the laws in the US better than Americans, it is. I think she said something like the Jews and the immigrants. Yeah, of course, it was so funny, so welcome. And you homeschool? Yes, I do have you. Is it big in Russia or is this something like because you're in the States, you can do this. I'm actually in Canada. Oh, you're in Canada, Okay.
Speaker 2:I do homeschool because I don't like to share my child with the government. Plus, I obviously wanted to spend more time with him. I would say I first wanted to spend more time with him and to capture this very important years, but then, second of all, it's because I didn't want to really expose my child to the curriculum stuff that they are promoting in Canada, unfortunately, or in. Ontario, but mostly it's the whole country.
Speaker 1:They're promoting it here too, in the States.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly. No, of course. Yeah, I am aware of this. So I wanted to preserve my child's childhood. So that's why we decided to try to keep up with homeschooling. How old is your son? He's six, so it's just. You know, we are at the very beginning of this, even though we do this for three years already. But right now there are some more difficulties. You know they say, first it's terrible, twos, then it's something threes, and you hope that it's going to be better eventually and it's not like it's really bad. But kids do have certain developmental stages and it's always very interesting to experience what's next what's going to be next.
Speaker 1:And it's never easier when I talk to, like my sister, whose kids are all grown. She just has such different worries.
Speaker 1:now she's like oh, my God they're out on the road, they're going to visit friends off at college and doing God knows what. My nephew was just actually in Canada a couple of weeks ago and I'm like, oh no, what's legal there that isn't here that he can get into? No, yes, yeah. Yeah, they wouldn't get into it here too. I'm sure they find ways, just like I did. But so, okay, you have a six-year-old son. I have had two people in the last couple of days ask me on Instagram DMs about homeschooling their only child. Do you find this a challenge or not? The socialization, oh my God, they're going to be a hermit. How has this?
Speaker 2:been. It's been really interesting. I would say there are some challenges there, but not always. But of course, the fact that I'm the only adult or another human being next to him all the time, that's the challenge. Because he's okay.
Speaker 2:I think he was born very social, like. He's naturally so social that sometimes it's even scary that he just goes to anyone and he says do you want to be my friend? And then, you know, sometimes he gets reply no, and then he cries, but usually the the hardest part is that I'm by myself with him all the time and there is no other kids or adults. Well, my husband is sometimes here, sometimes not, but no other kids who can, who I can say you guys go and play for 10 minutes and mama will have some time to rest and recharge. There is no option like this. And older he becomes, more attention he wants and I was actually never thinking that this is going to be the case. I thought, okay, when they're baby they need us the most and then you know they can be independent. It's not true, especially when we're home. When we are outside on a playground or somewhere, he can be independent, but when we are home he doesn't want to. He can, but he doesn't want to. He wants to be dependent and he's very social, loves physical touch. It's his love language. So he always is on me all the time, which is great. I love this, but, um, sometimes there are days, like today, when it's hard to handle constantly. So I would love, of course, to have another child hopefully it's gonna happen this year or next year but I mean not the child, but the conception, and I would love him to have the sibling. Because I was the only child too and, to be honest with you, that was really sad for me to grow up by myself, when I didn't have anyone to play with and my parents were constantly working, and that's why I actually was enjoying the sports and I was doing competitive acrobatic gymnastics my whole life, because that was my community, because if I wouldn't do this, I would be sitting at home half of the day by myself alone.
Speaker 2:What about school? Did you go to school? Oh yeah, of course I did. Yes, yes, I did go to school and it was. It was Russian school, hardcore Russian school. I went to German gymnasium or German school, where we were focusing on German language and English was the second language and Latin was the third language and then we were having exchange with German students from school when we were in high school In Russia the difference in school is that you go to the same school from grade one to grade 11, and there is no change.
Speaker 2:It's always the same school. So it's like your home in a way, but at 3 or 3.30, the lessons were done and then you're going home stressed because you have millions of studies to do, homework to do and other things from school, and then it's like you know, you don't really understand because the classes are about 30 kids and the teachers are not necessarily spending time explaining to every child. They're, like you, understood, understood, and that's it. Child. They, like you, understood, understood, and that's it. But who wants to raise the hand and say I didn't understand? Actually, out of 30 kids, no one.
Speaker 2:So I was like this because I was going to competition and I was missing some classes. Then I would come back and don't understand anything and then you know it was really really hard with school, even though I would say that because I was in school in Russia, I know how to be under pressure and I know how to deal with it and how to not show the sign of pressure that's not necessarily superpower. I would say that this is more disadvantage, especially right now, when I know the importance of mental health. I would say that just sucking it up and keep going is not the best thing to do, especially when we are already 40 and when we have kids, because kids learn from us everything, not just alphabets and math and some science. They learn from us the way how we react to life and how we manage stress and everything else, and I don't want my son to learn this, but I think he will anyway, right, or at least a little bit. He will be exposed to this.
Speaker 1:Now, what year? How old were you when you came to Canada?
Speaker 2:Oh, I came exactly 10 years ago. I actually last week celebrated 10 years being in Canada. I came on May 8th. I remember it was Friday. I came with my dog and it was really warm and I was just in shock because in three days I was supposed to go to college and I went to college and it was my first time in Canada.
Speaker 2:I never knew this country.
Speaker 2:I just came and I was slightly overwhelmed because when I could hear people talking for me it was like white noise because even though I could read on English and understand English, but when people talk to me really, really fast and just like you know, just like they met me, and they're talking in their own pace, I was like I don't understand a word.
Speaker 2:But then it changed in a couple of months. After I was sitting a couple of months with my, I went to college to study fitness and health promotion and we of course had biomechanics and anatomy and all the other science stuff there and I was literally sitting with the book that was that thick and I was translating not every word, of course, but I was translating some words with the dictionary and that was of course, making my studies complicating because it was taking so much time to translate the whole book or not the whole book, but some words. But it was okay. So I came to it 10 years ago and I went to college. I enjoyed it. Of course, I only wanted to go to college because I actually wanted to move from Russia, but that became actually my job that I enjoy, so it's really great that that happened this way.
Speaker 1:And so okay, so you came over. You wanted to leave Russia. Were there any out like lying over? You wanted to leave Russia. Were there any outlying reasons that you wanted to leave? Is there anything big? I mean, I don't want to get too into it, I'm just like a silly American that doesn't really know what's really going on in the world.
Speaker 2:Oh, this is very interesting because I was very liberal in my mindset at that time and I didn't want to deal with Russian conservatives. And you know, I was thinking I was 30, still rebellious because I didn't have kids and I didn't learn my lessons yet that kids very often teach us. But I was thinking that I don't want to be in Russia because I didn't feel safe and I chose Canada because it was the easiest country to move with pets and legalize myself. So I had two dogs and one cat at that time and I was.
Speaker 2:I wanted to go to Australia and thanks God I didn't go to, because COVID showed that Australia was even worse than Canada. But I couldn't go to Australia because you have to put your dogs or your cats into quarantine for up to six months and then they could just kill them or euthanize them without letting you know, just because they think. You know Australia has really really hard restrictions on bringing pets there, because it's a different continent, right, and they don't want any diseases that are not really popular there, sure, but I've chosen Canada because of the reason that I could easily bring my dogs and my cats. So I wanted to stay, of course, but it wasn't easy to legalize yourself in the States unless you get married.
Speaker 1:Okay, interesting? Yeah, cause I, you know, I hear things over the years, maybe not even searching for the stuff, but you just hear things. So I always wondered, like, how hard is it? I mean, I have friends from Poland. I suppose I could just ask them, but it's interesting cause they're from Poland. And then, like my friend Susanna, just ask them, but it's interesting because they're from Poland. And then, like my friend Susanna, she lived in Germany for a while and her husband as well came here, but they came separately. So, yeah, that's interesting. So it is. It was at least at one point harder. Obviously, I think it was easier, maybe that we hear about the last term, presidential term, I don't know you could have snuck in then I guess, but yeah, but yeah, that's really interesting.
Speaker 1:So you had your son and you were in your 30s, like I am, I was 34 when I had my six-year-old, so I think we're the same age. Actually, I would imagine if you were in gymnastics and competing, that's probably why you were competing in your 20s. Is that more or less what you were doing?
Speaker 2:I was competing more before my kids.
Speaker 1:Then I was hit by a car and my competitive career was done. Oh, my goodness, I'm so sorry to hear that. It's okay. Yes, it taught me lots of patience. Well, at least you look at everything, as they taught me this. It gave me this skill. That's part of that's. That's everything, right there, okay, so what made you? You said that you were very liberal and the conservatives bothered you, same as me. What made you turn your tune or kind of understand that the governments are overreaching and maybe living in a communist country isn't a very liberal thing to do?
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly. Well, I had my son and everything changed. I should say that, like, obviously, I still have values that you have to be a good person, you have to treat people kind and nice, in a nice way, but my other values, most of them, did change after I had my child. Everything basically, especially how I look at the world and you know I was was I used to think that, oh my gosh, people are so bad, we're just, you know, just disease of this planet. But I don't look at at people anymore this way, because I think that this is another way, how there is like a trend to pressure ourselves. Some people just enjoy to call themselves names and say that it's better for them not to leave, which I don't think it's a good thing. But before I was, you know, pretty liberal minded and then my child was born and I realized that I don't want these values for him. I don't want him to be, to feel like he's responsible for something that he never did, like, you know, slavery and stuff like this. I don't want him to feel that because of his skin color or something else, he is responsible. Yes, he still have to be a kind person. He has to treat people with compassion, just how he wants people to treat him. But I don't want him to be exposed to certain things, which actually it's funny because russia is very.
Speaker 2:Yes, there is some kind of like communism part there still, but a lot of people actually vote for communist parties still, like my parents, for example. They think that it was really good while communism because it was. At least you knew what's gonna happen tomorrow, and right now it's not the same. Knew what's going to happen tomorrow and right now it's not the same. But what I wanted to say is that Russian people and Russian government, they do promote Christian values, basically right. It's not necessarily that they're doing it in a way that they prioritize church, even though they do prioritize, but in general, even Russian people who are not really religious, they do prioritize like values of the family and kids and everything else, and they stand for this. And of course, there are different people there. There are different kinds of different genders and all this. You know, I just need to learn how to talk about this in a political correct way.
Speaker 2:I mean, I'm pretty open on this, yes, there is some nonsense there, right, but I think anyone deserves to live and exist as long as they are not trying to push this ideology into your throat and onto your families. I don't care what people want to do in their personal lives behind their doors. I just don't want this to be like an exposure to kids and like we have to have three months of certain celebrations and is that in Russia?
Speaker 1:Or in.
Speaker 2:Canada.
Speaker 1:Probably right. Yes, in Canada, for sure. Yes, yeah.
Speaker 2:And they then don't tolerate this really well. Like I know, gay people do exist in Russia. I know them personally and they're great people. I don't tolerate this really well. Like I know, gay people do exist in Russia. I know them personally and they're great people. I don't have any problems with them. But also these people, they don't have any problems with me as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think once I started realizing like there's an agenda from the government behind it and it's not altruistic, they really don't care about the gay person. If anything they want gays to be able to get married, so they can track them better and, you know, keep tabs on their taxes and that sort of stuff. The government literally does not care. They're not here to make sure that gays, or you know that people of every color are treated equally and you know there I worked in the welfare system.
Speaker 1:We're here, to hand you just enough to make sure that you stay a crab in that bucket and you never crawl out to make anything of yourself. We'll give you just enough.
Speaker 1:And then we and we control so much else of what you do. Um, yeah, it's. It took a long time for me to kind of see that. And we live in a nation where you can get any job. You know they don't. It's, it shouldn't be based on that. And then now that they're putting it into the schools of there are, in the elementary school down the road from me, there is a bathroom that has the male symbol, the female symbol and then half a female.
Speaker 2:So it's a transgender.
Speaker 1:I'm like this is an elementary school, there is no need for this. It was and it's. It's only a single bathroom. But it's like then there's no need to put that on the door, it's a single bathroom. So that even makes it worse, cause it's like you're just putting this in I know you're putting this here because you get funding to prove that you're promoting transgender in the schools. So yeah, that's they, but they don't care really about any individual's feelings.
Speaker 2:Yes, as long as we are staying divided and we are, you know, on things that are kind of they are important but they are also not, because if we divide it, we can never unite, unfortunately. And it could be anything race, religion, anything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the religious wars have been going on for thousands and thousands of years. I mean, it's just, it's not going to be solved in a government mandate. Yes, for sure, that is what it is. So what did your husband say when you said that you wanted to homeschool? Or was he all for this?
Speaker 2:Well, my husband is Polish, so he knows very well what communism is too, and we have pretty similar values in life. So he was okay. He was just like. I just don't know how we will figure it out, because before my son was born, I was working from 5 am to 9 pm absolutely every single day because I love my job. I was working as a competitive acrobatic gymnastics coach. I was running a full program. I was a head coach, so I was training 50 kids, approximately 50 kids, and by myself. It's not like they were divorced Sometimes they were. Sometimes it was 50 kids. And then I was working in different gyms as a personal trainer and as a fitness instructor, and I loved all of these jobs.
Speaker 2:But when the time came to deliver, my husband was thinking out loud. He was like I don't know how we're gonna do it, because it should stop, because how are we gonna have a baby when you're working from basically morning till evening? And I didn't even know that homeschooling existed until I started to finally meet moms who were free souls, free freedom, loving moms who didn't want to do any of this government stuff during COVID. So we would meet up and we would rent a place like an indoor playground, they would shut the windows with something like what's the name, the curtains, for example, so no one sees us right and it's like a big party of 50 to 100 people with the kids. And they started telling me that what homeschooling is. And I was thinking in the beginning, okay, that's way too crazy. I remember thinking about this, that these homeschoolers people, they're insane. I don't know who would want to spend the whole time with the child, even though by that time I was already spending the whole time with my child and I already said no to all my jobs and I would not even want to leave him with a babysitter.
Speaker 2:But I think that when it was about the school, I still had this stereotype that this is the only way how you learn um. You know we started very slow and then pandemic was kind of very long. Right, my, my son, was born in 2019, so when covid hit and they shut us down, he was exactly. It was when he turned one. His um birthday is in march, so it was exactly that week and I remember thinking, oh, what could? What could go more wrong than this, because I was gonna go to work and, you know, have some time.
Speaker 2:But then I really think that COVID in in some ways was a blessing, because I realized that I don't actually want to do what I was doing, or at least I wanted to do the fitness and sports and everything but I didn't want to do it in the same rhythm. And then we started homeschooling, very slow, and of course my homeschooling was school at home in the beginning and it was in a Russian way, strict way. My child was like two and a half. I would put him, sit him down in the front of a table and I would show him ABC book and we would try to repeat the letters Right now, I know this is not the best way to do it, especially when your child is two and a half years old, and I remember how he was.
Speaker 2:He's a boy. He never sits down and I was trying to just make him sit in and do not move and he was resisting. Of course, he's a very strong child, strong-willed child and he's very emotional and it was a challenge. But then more I would be exposed and this is the only positive thing about social media More I was getting exposed to different people who are homeschooling influencers or homeschool moms or running some kind of businesses online, much, which I'm schooling like how, how could that be?
Speaker 2:But because I didn't grow up in this, I was growing up more under constant supervision, even though there was no supervision in my home, but like you had to, you know, report every single day. If you did this, because they were in in school, they would check your homework every single day, right, and like you had this. It's like a diary and in Russia every teacher puts their marks into this and then you bring it home and you show it to your parents, basically almost every day. I don't know if it's the same right now, but before you couldn't hide anything. Nothing was online and then we were trying, you know, to erase the marks and me and make a different way.
Speaker 2:See the the good thing about russia like you, you, you find the ways to go over.
Speaker 2:Like you find your ways, how to make it work, the way, how you need to work, how unschooling is such a great way of introducing, especially kids who went to the school, or de-schooling, right, who went to school, and they need to detox, basically, from all of this pressure and everything. It's just the perfect way. And when I realized this, when my son was about four years old already, I was thinking I actually have to unschool myself because I need to let go of all of these limitations that are holding me back about education, that I can have relationship with my son, not just, you know, he's sitting by the table and I'm pressuring him into learning. So now it's better because I am learning constantly. I am listening to audiobooks, I'm learning from Jennifer Pepito, for example, or other people who are doing it for 20 something years, right, and they obviously went through all of the styles, probably, and all of the possible lessons of their kids. So I would say that it's a constant learning process and we should never stop learning anything. Really.
Speaker 1:Yes, that's a great point because we kind of always have that notion that as soon as we're done with high school or as soon as we're done with college, we can stop the learning.
Speaker 1:And I have learned way more after the after my time was taken up by those institutions than I ever did in the institutions. And it's funny because, yeah, you were talking about how in Russia it was so strict and so rigid. Like I can look back at school in America and be like, yeah, they stuck us with like 30 kids, most of the kids just goofed off, so you weren't really paying attention anyway. Like nothing was really getting done all day. You know, I don't really remember much of any of it, so it wasn't.
Speaker 1:Like it's not a huge concept for me to be like we could unschool or I can teach him to read here, because even if I I can learn the ways or whatever, help them with different programs, we can do it slow and at our pace. But, like with you coming from Russia, where it was so strict and so rigid, like how do you feel sometimes I'm sure you did where you're like, oh my god, how am I gonna teach him all the things that I learned? And did you finally get to the realization that it didn't really matter?
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah, absolutely. And now. And now I'm dealing with my parents who are asking me how he's going to go to university. It's very interesting because the funny thing is that I see my teachers in my dreams sometimes. I'm 40 years old and I see that teacher, the only one teacher.
Speaker 2:She was my German teacher, who was teaching me German from grade 5 to grade 11. She was also the teacher who was responsible for my class, right? So she was the main kind of teacher who was dealing with everything and she was handling all the issues and she was having different meetings with the parents. So she was responsible. And I still see her in my dreams and those are bad dreams. Always I wake up really anxious because she was constantly belittling me, saying that I only can use my limbs to do some sports, but my brain is not the best. Basically my word. And the thing is this she knew that I don't want, you know, I don't want to be to sound very cocky right now, but I am a very smart person and I was a very smart child and I could really read a lesson five minutes before the class and do the test and do everything what they needed me to do. Again, working under pressure right, I still do sometimes these things but she was just she wasn't satisfied with me in a way, how I was doing not the school work but the social work, and that's why she was saying stuff like this.
Speaker 2:But I have another example. I had a Russian language and literature teacher and it was a man. I have only great memories about him because he was always making us Well. First of all, he was very, very respectful and in russia when you talk to adults or, for example, if it's a, it's your boss or something, you call them, not just you. But you know, sometimes when you spell you with a capital, like, there is certain way of calling the people who you have respect to. So he was calling all the kids this way, right, and you know, I learned that by taking French, so he basically treated us with respect.
Speaker 2:He was also, you know, he was not babysitting us. If he had issues with us, he would say this in a respectful way. And sometimes it felt terrible because it's not like the other teachers who were just, you know, talking to you like you're nothing. He was actually talking to you like you're a human being and you felt really bad when he was having problems with your work or something, or with your behavior and something. So there are different teachers, but he was the only one out of how many? 10 or 15 teachers probably.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, but he was the only one out of how many 10 or 15 teachers probably. Right, as you were talking about the female teacher, it, before you even mentioned him, it sparked in my mind that, like man, she's jealous of you and she's literally trying to take you down like a catty bully, and a teacher should not have those feelings about her students. But it just sounded like that's how you if there's nothing wrong with the work you're learning it, you're just not learning it the way she wants, like that is that's what, like a catty bully that's just jealous of you would do. And so here we are, sending our kids to these institutions. We don't even meet the parent or the teachers we like don't even meet them. We don't know who they're in class with. They're just around these kids for 40 hours a week around these teachers and, yeah, we're just supposed to accept that. That is a little crazy and how they're treating our kids yeah, yeah and um.
Speaker 2:The funny thing is that this teacher she was afraid of my mom, though very much. It was really interesting. So she was doing this to me, putting me, because in russia you cannot just take any spot. You are assigned a spot behind the table in a certain row and that's where you're always sitting, like you can't choose your spot. And then she was always putting me at the back and I was always complaining that I want to be. I understand, I'm a taller person, but I wanted to be closer to the front so I can hear better, so I can focus better. And it was always like this. I never wanted to be at the back and they would always put me to the back and at the back. There were also kids who didn't want to learn. So we were having lots of fun, because you know, if you're that far and you're a child and there is something fun happening, of course there is always some. You would want to do this eventually because you were a child, absolutely.
Speaker 1:So, getting back to the homeschooling, how do you handle like the difficult times, especially as you were talking in the beginning of this episode like having that one child? It is hard because, yes, you are their person and unless you make it a point to do a play group or a co-op or have a play date every single day, you are that person. So how do you get through those hard days or even just hard hours? You know it might just be an hour, but that's a lot.
Speaker 2:well, today, today was the first day. I wanted to have one a week off. Usually we do school well, it's not usually. We just started this kind of routine. Then I want personally to do seven weeks of school and one week off. I don't think it's going to work for us, because I think my child really needs consistency, even though it's maybe this much of school, but he needs some kind of, you know, routine, or maybe I do need, I don't know, but it was really hard. We missed three weeks of school because there was certain events happening all the time. Something was all the time happening and I was thinking today, okay, today's the day. I just can't. I cannot wait until Monday and I cannot wait. And you know it's May, whatever 14th. I wanted to start May 1st because my child is not used to, or at least for three weeks he was relaxing and of course he was learning, but it wasn't, you know, formal learning. We do homeschool on three languages, so there is a lot of things to do right, so you're not actually unschooling.
Speaker 2:Well, I call it that we are unschooling.
Speaker 1:It's unschooling for Russian standards.
Speaker 2:Yes, but it's not like we're doing anything crazy, right? So it's not like I still think it's not real school yet, because it's okay that we are. Like I include piano into our school, right, because he does piano and I think, since we need to have consistent practices and he wants, I ask him all the time if you don't want to do piano, we can cancel it at any time, just let me know. And he says he wants to do it. So I include piano in school and then we only do alphabets, because I really want him to learn how to read and write on all these three languages, not just English. My husband is Polish, so he speaks Polish. He speaks Russian Me and my husband, we only speak to him on native languages. So we agreed in the very beginning that he only will speak Polish to him and I will only speak Russian to him, and then, because we speak English me and my husband he will learn and of course, he is exposed to English-speaking kids and adults all the time. So it was really, really hard today, because, of course, he didn't want to do anything and there was lots of crying, there was lots of trying to not do things, but I know that sometimes hard stuff are good to learn in a nice and kind way, because there will be hard learning opportunities in life and I don't want my child to quit very easily, but I also don't want him to be overexposed to pressure. So there should be some balance and I'm trying to find it. Hopefully I'm doing it. And at the end of the day, of course, we discussed and I said listen, we have to be more consistent, we have to do hard things that are hard, maybe for him in the beginning of the day, and then we spent 30 minutes on this and we do whatever we want. We go to forest, we do some nature-based studies or not necessarily studies, but we just go and observe. He loves, he loves sports. So he does some sports just recreationally, just because it's close to us and just because me and my husband sometimes need 30 minutes of of quiet, quieter time. He's also very loud child and we were doing this today.
Speaker 2:And how do I manage this? I do wake up in the morning first thing in the morning, most of the days earlier than anyone, and I have about 45 to 60 minutes to myself. I do promote this in my business. All my clients do have somewhat routines, whatever works for them. But when he was around two years old or maybe slightly older, I was so burned out in my life in general because I was running, I just started business he was still breastfed at this time.
Speaker 2:I was, as a Russian person, I do like take responsibilities and do everything by myself I realized that I cannot live like this anymore, because I want to pour in everyone's cup, but my cup is empty. It's so dry that even if I pour anything there, that would dry right away and I'll have to like try to pour and pour and pour for some time before the cup will even start fully filling up. So when I did this, I of course read the book of something about habits. This is very, very, very famous book about habit stacking. I don't remember the name right now, but basically the author was explaining how to habit stack and how to do things that you actually want to do that fulfilling your cup in a way that it's not overwhelming for you and it's not taking the whole day. And I've learned. I started implementing certain things because I was already into health and I was already doing my health coaching to just regular moms.
Speaker 2:At that time I started to do things, not just working out, not just eating healthy, but actually looking at the sun in the morning and enjoying the nature around me, not just being in my head all the time, doing some dry brushing massage, doing some facial massage, doing some prayer, doing, you know, some dance by myself, whatever was there. I created the routine for myself and I still, up to this day, do this routine. It's changing like it's altering from time to time depending on the season, depending on what new things I've learned during that month, and I have joy doing this. I enjoy it so much. When I get up, as long as I sleep enough hours, I want to run there. Usually, there, I do it in my washroom with the closed door, because that's the only time when I can close the door to my washroom.
Speaker 2:Usually I need to have some spectators, because it's very important to ask me a question at this particular second when I need washroom for just one minute, and then you know, sometimes if it's dark still, I turn on some or I light some candles and I just do it, and it's just so much joy for me that that is helping me to keep up with the days like today or other days that are harder days, or even the days that are not hard at all, but still I am by myself with my child and I have to do millions of things, not just, you know, cooking and cleaning, but also for my business and to help my husband, for example, with something else, or help a homeschool mom, a friend, with something, or even, you know, have an ear to listen to other moms' problems, because we all need to share, sometimes just because we overflowing with stress and overwhelm.
Speaker 2:And when we pass this information to other moms, it feels good because it feels like you're not alone, we're not alone. And it's always good at the end of the day to chat with homeschool mama friends to hear, to hear that maybe our day wasn't the worst. Not because I would like anyone to have a bad day, but sometimes when they're sharing their struggles, it feels not in a bad way, but it feels that okay, everything is okay in my life, right, I'm just overstressed because I'm just thinking too much.
Speaker 2:For example, Because, sometimes it's not that we make up the problems, but sometimes we are overthinking about them and we're making them slightly bigger than they are.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. That happened to me earlier this week. We have a play group at a friend's house that we do every week and my son is the youngest boy there and it's like a whole thing, like he wants to go off by himself most of the time and I'm like we are here so that you can no-transcript so easy nowadays to throw around this term and it's like it's just being kids, because if your kid walks up to them and they're like they don't really like them or they don't want them there right now and they tell the secret or tell them to get away, that's not bullying, that's just kids being like really honest, and we don't know any better, they don't know to think of the other person in their shoes, you know. So it's like that's all a learning experience.
Speaker 1:And I'm happy to be there and help my son through his part, and then the next day I turn around and my son is doing it to someone else. So it's like, well, there's another learning experience and another conversation that I get to have with him because I'm home with him and seeing it. But you're so right, like the overthinking, like no, you don't have to stop going to this playgroup because the 10 minutes later they're all playing. And it's something else you brought up too about. You know this you're not the only one having the bad day or the bad hour in that day. You know social media and part of what I do with my Instagram page. You know you show the homeschooling stuff and, okay, what's trending, what's this, what's that.
Speaker 1:But I actually took video yesterday and I I forgot about it. Uh. So I'm glad you took video yesterday and I forgot about it. So I'm glad you brought it up, because I took my son and my daughter and his two friends were over their brothers because their grandfather couldn't watch them, so we were supposed to meet at a different play group. But I'm like you know what? You're all playing here. Do you guys just want to stay here? My life's easier if I don't have to drag four kids around, so they're playing here and I'm like, let's go on a hike. There's a creek in the mountain behind our house. Let's bring a picnic and I'll take some video footage of you all, like jumping over trees and this and that I'm like I'll practice my new video taking skills.
Speaker 2:It's gonna be wonderful.
Speaker 1:So of course they're all giving me a hard time. My son is like we'll look right at the camera and I'm like don't look at the camera. And then the other ones doing like hang 10 in the camera and I'm like don't acknowledge the camera, Go back and do it again, guys.
Speaker 1:And then like we can't have a picnic because bugs are everywhere. Like all of a sudden Bill Gates unleashed all of the mosquitoes in New York and they were all in the mountain behind my house, so we all are covered in bug bait stuff we couldn't even eat because if you opened your mouth they got in your mouth. So I'm like all right, no picnic, Get out of the water, Come on, let's go back home. And it was hot and my daughter kept going pick me up and so I had the carrier on me and so I'd put her, get her into the carrier and like two minutes later.
Speaker 1:Can you get me down? Of course, get her out of the carrier, get her. And she's almost three. So it's like, it's not like she just pops in and pops out. She's way too big for this thing. And then, two minutes later, can you pick me up? Can you make me? So I took video of all of the bad stuff too, because I was like this is going on instagram I was like this is real life.
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah, yes. And and again, we we are used to like, in a way, if we compare a good day and this, we call it like a bad day or bad stuff, but in reality it's not that bad, it's just life, right, and, as you said, kids are being kids and it's great that they have an opportunity to be themselves. And we as adults have to coming back to your question, we as adults have to have a, our bodies, you know, having stretching routine, having some health routine, whatever makes you happy and brings you joy but also cares for your body. I have millions of things on my Instagram.
Speaker 2:If they want to go, they can go and check and they can create something new. If they want to go, they can go and check and they can create something new. So we can handle this tantrums and hystericas in a better way, and that we are okay with pick me up, you pick me, pick her up and then bring me down and bring you down. We're okay with these kids being kids right to the point, of course, that we're not, you know, tiptoeing in front of them when they're misbehaving, but there is nothing bad in kids being kids and showing their real selves to us oh, you're so right, and you know you're right, it's not.
Speaker 1:It's not that it's a bad day, it's just our expectations for what we had for the situations weren't met, and so we interpret that as a bad day, but it wasn't.
Speaker 1:The kids still had fun. We got some bug bites, whatever, we got some cream to put on it and I got, hopefully, a fun reel out of it that I will at some point, maybe at five in the morning Although now you have me thinking I get up at five to try to get my work done on the computer and I put bird feeders outside my window so I can look at the birds while I do it. But I should be like out there grounding with the earth.
Speaker 1:But I have to say too, I went outside today without shoes on and I like stepped on a snake and it went over my foot and I'm like oh Lord. Oh Lord, I don't know about this. I thought I could handle it, but no, I'll be all right. It wasn't like a poisonous one, just a garter snake. But, evgenia, I am going to put links to your Instagram and to your wellness program into the show's description so people can check that out and get some pointers for themselves. And any last parting words.
Speaker 2:Yes, I want to wish every mama to be compassionate to herself. Show this compassion every day to her mental health, to her physical health, and remember that when you do this, you are also teaching your kids how to do this to themselves. So when they're adults, they will never have to focus and cope with what we're coping right. And just remember that you are their most precious example in life. They they will be learning from you the most.
Speaker 2:And it's not to stress out anyone, but it's just to use as motivation, because it could be both right, we could stress out about things and start feeling guilt, but it's not to feel guilt, it's so you can use your kids as a motivation to take care of yourself, because really, what we want at the end is that we, as long as we can, are with our kids and we are supporting them just how we were supporting them when they were two.
Speaker 2:When they're 42, we're still there for them, just in a different way, of course, hopefully right and that we can run with our grandkids and instead of our kids to change our diapers, just because we are not capable of living by ourselves, we can be the support they need to help with their kids, meaning our grandkids to change their diapers and that we can put our shoelaces, tie our shoelaces by ourselves, and that's the main thing why I promote health and why I want everyone to be healthier, not just because of certain shape or body composition even though it's always nice to have it the way how we want it right but it's the. Health goes way deeper and I really wish everyone to start, if they don't feel like it, start changing the mindset around this, because health is not just the way how you look, it's how you feel deep inside.
Speaker 1:take this when I uh when this episode airs and put that on Instagram use your kids as motivation to take care of yourself. That is so beautiful, Evgenia thank you for being here.