#155: Why This School Psychologist Won’t Send Her Child to School (and Skips Curriculum Too)

You’ve heard it a thousand times: “But what about socialization?” “What if my kid falls behind?” “What if they only want screens?”
In this episode, I’m joined by Courtney (former teacher + school psychologist, now a private evaluator/advocate) to break down what unschooling actually is — and what it looks like in real life.

We talk about the fear parents carry when they step outside the school system, and why so many families need to deschool themselves first. Courtney shares what she’s seen from inside education and why forcing kids to meet grade-level standards can backfire — especially when kids develop at different rates.

We also get into:

• What unschooling really means (and why it’s not “kids watching TV all day”)
• Why school “socialization” can be toxic and what healthy socialization looks like
• How to handle screen time without power struggles (and why curiosity matters)
• The link between anxiety, nervous system regulation, and learning
• Why many kids are labeled too early — and what parents can do instead
• How to spark learning naturally through real life, nature, conversation, and connection
• A fascinating look at Human Design as a tool for understanding how your child learns

If you’re a parent who’s trying to homeschool without recreating school at home — and you want your child to grow in confidence, curiosity, and love of learning — this episode will help you breathe again.

 📌 Links to Courtney’s work: https://linktr.ee/courtney_shakti

Follow the show, leave a review, and share this episode with a parent who needs reassurance today.

Mentioned in today’s episode:

• My ebook: https://thehomeschoolhowto.com/ebook
  
  
• My children’s safety book Let’s Talk, Emergencies!: grab it on Amazon!

🎁 Free resource: Grab my free 30-day homeschool quick start guide at thehomeschoolhowto.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

I didn't plan to homeschool. I started asking hard questions, realized how little control parents actually have, and made the hard decision to leave a government job to homeschool my kids. Now I interview other homeschooling parents to learn how this all works. I'm Cheryl, and this is the Homeschool How-To podcast. Let's learn this together. Welcome, and with us today, I have Courtney Myers. Courtney, thank you for being here. Thank you for having me. So, Courtney, are you a homeschool mom? Yes, homeschool, unschool, and hopefully world school. Ooh, all right. So for the people who have, because I really want to start coming at this like from the people who are just starting out. And I remember those days not that long ago, just a couple years ago. I didn't even know unschool was. So let's start by that. What is your best definition of an unschooler? Because people think that it's just let your kids sit around and watch TV all day.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

So unschooling is allowing your child to be free to learn and follow their own curiosity. And we are just facilitators of that in a very unstructured way. And there's no structured, systematic curriculums, and it's really just allowing real life to teach your child rather than a institution or a curriculum that's been created by Pearson.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

I love it. By Pearson. So we all we've all heard that name. What is the is it like the Rockefellers? Are they behind all that?

SPEAKER_01 1:23

Yeah, it's like the textbooks every school has, you know, the publishers of Pearson. Every textbook, I used to be a teacher, um, and now I'm a school psychologist. And guess where you buy everything? Pearson.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

And I heard um Ghislaine Maxwell's father, too, because they would be like Maxwell. Is it Maxwell? Yeah, yeah, that would be the other. So interesting.

SPEAKER_01 1:43

Yeah, it's a money, it's a money thing. And it's really interesting because it's they're the controllers of information and how they how we process the information, how we learn the information, everything.

SPEAKER_00 1:55

So I allow my son to explore his own information. Okay, we can unpack a lot here. So I hope I remember to come back to that. So for the people who are like, but what does that really look like on a day-to-day basis? Because if I just allowed my kid to do whatever they wanted, they would sit in front of the TV or just bother their siblings. So do you like spark anything in them? Like, hey, we're at least gonna go on a nature walk or have any sort of routine set up? Like, how do you get them to actually learn and take advantage of this world around us that is has so much to learn in it?

SPEAKER_01 2:28

Yeah, um exactly what you said. There's there's routines we have, and within the routine, there's curiosity that's sparked, and then the routine can change because there might be curiosity that leads us into the forest for three hours. And if he's wanting to be in the forest for three hours, who am I to say no to that? So there's just things that do. Sometimes we end up, you know, um with his dad, he might get excited about building a track and he might be doing that for hours, but that might start when it's the the free independent playtime where we're like, okay, right now just what do you want to play? And then he has those ideas. So it's just really guided by like we kind of have these things in our routine, and then within that guides his learning.

SPEAKER_00 3:13

And how many kids do you have? I just have one. I love that because that's a big question too. I mean, a lot of people have the questions like, how do you homeschool when you have eight kids? And you know, but like there is the almost the bigger question that how do you homeschool with one? Because sometimes I mean it's on you. You know, you are like the like the entertainment source, and you know, unless you kind of work in a natural way to make the forest and you know, all of that stuff. But it's a lot, but it's also beautiful because you get to do a lot more th well, I I I don't want to say a lot more things, but um you have the ability to like up and go, or hey, let's just go explore the forest, because you're not like, oh my god, I have to nurse this one and so this one's nap time and we're going back. So both of them have so many benefits. But I have gotten this question a lot, like, oh, can I homeschool if you know I if I just have one? And some of the most beautiful homeschooling stories are actually, you know, people that have only kids. So do you find that the social like that's another question, the socialization, if you're unschooling and you know, you have one child, where do you make the socialization fit, or is that not really as big of a deal as the world makes it out to be?

SPEAKER_01 4:21

I think it's both. Um, the world really makes it to be such this big deal. So homeschool was illegal in the 90s. So a little bit about me is uh I'm a teacher and a school psychologist. I have lots of degrees in education. And when I realized, like, this isn't really working for a lot of these kids. I s have read every book under the sun that I could find on homeschool, unschool, whatever I can do outside of school. And so what I learned was in the 90s they made homeschooling illegal. The agenda was because it really helped keep the population, you know, under management, of course. And within that, they had a some propaganda that they spewed, which one of which was socialization, your kid won't be well socialized. But now we're seeing the data show us that actually the school socialization is toxic, and we need to really be more careful with who our kids are surrounded by in their developmental years. So I do believe socialization has importance. However, it's not as important as the time in which the children are around their caregiver and the morals and values instilled within the caregiver and the family's, you know, time together. And then you have these branches of like safe and supportive community friendships that can be built rather than toxic relationships within a school setting that, you know, is very conforming, very um, lots of bullying, you know, able to listen to their intuition about what is right and what is wrong. So yeah, in my opinion, we allow very healthy socialization in our family and in our homeschool.

SPEAKER_00 5:56

Where was that turning point? And you said you were a teacher, and now you're a school psychologist, so you are in the school setting as well, still, right? Yes. Okay, so where was that turning point when you were like, okay, I went to school to do this, and now that I have a child, I'm seeing like this isn't what I want for my kid.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

Well, actually, the turning point was before I had him. I was halfway through my graduate school, it was a four-year program, and after my first masters, I was like, I don't think this is like I started waking up basically. I was about 28, and I just started kind of seeing things and just having these realizations where I'm like, I don't think we're really helping anyone. And as a teacher, like I went into grad school hoping I could help more. Then I had you know, grad school kind of again, it's an institution. They're like, Yeah, you're gonna be a change agent, you can do this, and then you get into it, and they're like, actually, you have 1,100 students per one psychologist. Good luck. Um, we need you to evaluate almost all of them and probably label all of them, and probably that's not gonna help anyways. So I woke up earlier than that, but then once I found out I was pregnant, um, and side note it wasn't planned, but I was pregnant and I spiraled and I was like, oh my god, like I don't want him to be, you know, in the system in any way, and I need to figure this out because I've seen the worst of the worst. And luckily I had a great therapist and mentor at the time that said, you know what, Courtney, you know what not to do. And so I just took that and I just was like, all right, I'll just I do know what not to do. And that's the turning point from the minute I of inception, basically. I was like, all right, I can no longer just close my eyes and be ignorant to it. I don't actually work in the school system anymore. I'm a private evaluator and I go into the schools as either an advocate or a private evaluator for correcting mistakes and things that other psychologists have done. I'm working my way towards more esoteric ways of using my skills.

SPEAKER_00 7:55

I love that. I can and you probably had to leave like a good paying job to go out on your own and say, like, no, I am gonna be the change in the system that I was set out to do. But that takes a lot, not only just to realize it and kind of look at it from the outside while you're in it, but to step out and and walk away. So kudos to you on that.

SPEAKER_01 8:17

Yeah, it was. I mean, I was working in the Bay Area, so there's a high pay rate there just because it's a high place to live, high cost of living. But it was, you know, I found a way to work from home so I can be a homeschool mom, and then I go into the schools shortly, and then I come back and am a mom, and and that's why I'm here. You know, I'm here to share like what I've seen, what what not to do, and how we can do things differently and break our minds out of this programmed way of being that I see really is detrimental for these children because our we're so you know, just that's all we really know, right? Like it's not really our fault, this is all we've been told. And then, but can we find other ways?

SPEAKER_00 9:00

Yeah, and so and we will get into that right after this, but how do you balance homeschooling and working? That's another huge question for people. It's it's not something I have great advice on, honestly.

SPEAKER_01 9:12

I get pretty burnt out and I spend I split time between work and homeschooling. However, there's certain parts of the year where his dad, we we're not married, but we're together, and his dad has to do a lot more of the load, and then there's certain parts of the year where I can take on more of the load. So it's really just finding the balance, finding every moment I can to just be with him, read him a book in between what I'm doing and just do my best with what I have.

SPEAKER_00 9:40

Yeah, and so then why don't we get into kind of you advising people? And and we'll leave all of your contact information in the show's description too, so people can, you know, get a hold of you. But like what is your advice to people because you've been in the system, you're in this, you still see what's in the system now, um, even though you're not working right in it for them. But what are the things that you would advise parents not to do? And even like getting into like the unschooling, that that was your choice instead of a curriculum. That's interesting.

SPEAKER_01 10:09

Yeah, I really advise parents not to force their kids to learn. It's like it's really simple. We make it so complicated. I advise parents not to pay attention to grade level standards and allow their child to learn on their own time. We often are premature to label a child with a learning disability when really their brain isn't developed to the point where they can, yeah, like where they can take in that information. Why would we think every brain develops at the same pace? And I understand there's like research and this and that, but honestly, there's not enough for me to say, oh yeah, for sure, by first grade every kid should be reading. But by the government standards, that's how it's supposed to be. However, that's not the case. And then we pull these children out of their creative play to get them into learning. We label them with a self-fulfilling prophecy that they're disabled with a learning disability, and then we expect them to do well in life, and that's just really unfortunate. So my advice is to see their child from the viewpoint of allowing them to just be who they are instead of forcing them into a box of what the government or what we think they should be.

SPEAKER_00 11:20

Yeah, and that can be scary as a parent, as someone who has uh how old is your son? He's four. Four. Yeah, seven. And I remember when he was four, and it was like, okay, we're gonna do this homeschooling thing, I think. And I was going over um Pagerty phonics textbooks with him, and like, come on, say, and what happens with Ru These three things, and when he had no interest, I'm like, why aren't you interested in this? And you know, and even now it's like I we don't do a ton of the curriculum, but it you know, it could take him 45 minutes to an hour if he sits down to do it all, and most days he doesn't but you know, alright, come on, let's get let's get the schoolwork done, let's get it done, let's get it done. Because and I know I've heard from so many parents that like they take their kids out of school and then put them back in three years later, never doing an ounce of curriculum with them, and yet the kid is still on par and you know didn't miss a beat. And I guess it depends on the the kids too. But what do you tell parents for just that insecurity of like, well, what if my kid is the one that needs the curriculum or else they really will be behind? What is your encouragement there?

SPEAKER_01 12:27

Well, there's a lot of inner work parents need to do in order to and there's no right or wrong way, but I would say there is a way that would be best for their child. So there's a lot of fears that parents need to uh address before they, you know, are like jumping to my kid needs this. Because I would be curious and I would inquire, well, why does your child, why do you think your child needs that? What what are you afraid of happening if we were to allow your child just to be? And again, it's it's not necessarily our fault. We've been really programmed by the system to believe there's only one way of doing things and that's the only way to have success. And so that's what I talk about a lot on my channels is how to address the fear that it's it is scary to be like, okay, what if my kid is the one who doesn't learn till they're eight or till they're nine to read, let's say. But I would just start looking at what your child can do, not what they can't do, and then also addressing that fear like what am I afraid would happen? And there's so many stories out there if you look about children that didn't start reading till maybe later in their years than the government says we need to be reading, and they're extremely successful and they're extremely happy and healthy and have good self-esteem because no one labeled them as disabled. They were allowed to get to the point where they were ready. And so I totally understand the need. And of course, every parent is different, every child is different, but it's it is really about finding what is best for you and your family and also making sure you're not functioning from a place of fear, because then we create our whole life from this viewpoint of fear, which wouldn't be b the best choice.

SPEAKER_00 14:10

Yeah, I and you know, especially when you're surrounded by family that you know aren't familiar with homeschooling, you know, they were in school, maybe they were teachers, you know, and if you're new to homeschooling, to really stand up to them and when you know, everybody's had that um instance where like, oh, you can't read that to your six-year-old, seven-year-old, eight-year-old, and you know, you have to kind of sit there and justify what you do all day with your child as the homeschooling mom of a child that can't read. It it is terrifying. It's like, oh my god, I'm not doing enough. And um, but yeah, I would definitely say you're right. It is from a place of fear, and and especially the people who would judge your child for not reading by a certain age have never looked into homeschooling or learning in general and how children learn. Like uh think it's a John Holtz book, How Children Learn, is probably a good one. I'm sure you've read that Free to Learn from Peter Gray are all really fantastic reads. But yes, I think it definitely takes and and that's what we call de-schooling, right? It's not necessarily for the child, it's for the parent to de-school ourselves. Can you talk a little bit about that?

SPEAKER_01 15:18

Yeah, we're trying to de-school ourselves from these standardized ways of living and being and this, even to the point of where we were so evaluated as we were, you know, put in these schools. And so we're constantly evaluating our child. So we have to de-school ourselves. So, like, where am I um needing to relax and release control? So in every moment, you can even ask the question, where can I release more control here? Because really, at the end of the day, these children aren't here to like be our little minions, they're here to be the their own souls, their own person. And if we're just, you know, white knuckling them to get them to be where we want them to be based on our experience, even though our if we all look back to our school experience, it wasn't probably that great. You know, like what are we doing?

SPEAKER_00 16:06

After three years of interviewing homeschooling families, I realized how overwhelming it can be to piece everything together. So I took the best advice, tips, questions, and resources that I've learned along the way and put them into one practical ebook. If you're looking for a clear starting point, you'll find the link in this show's description.

SPEAKER_01 16:27

So, yeah, de-schooling ourselves first is really just again looking at our own shadows, our fears, our programs, our beliefs. It's like a software program that we had installed and now we need to uninstall it.

SPEAKER_00 16:37

I love my gosh, that's so true. So, what do you say to the parent that's like, okay, I want to unschool myself or un de school myself, unschool my kid, but all they want to do is watch TV or play video games, and you know, I want to, I'm trying to read to them and they're telling me nope, I'd rather do the TV or you know, the the screen time. What is your take on that? What would your advice be?

SPEAKER_01 16:58

Yeah, that's a really good question. I just don't make the screen time available. We just don't have that, and it's just not an option. I I know that's not normal for most people. So I guess if I were to look into the majority and they said, Well, yeah, he just wants to be on the screen, I guess I just say, don't make that an option. Like, who has that's the part where I'm saying who has control here? So we know like the brain isn't obviously the prefrontal cortex isn't developed to make um these really important decisions either. So we need to, in a way, we are the shepherds of a field of sheep. And they need to graze, but we still need to have some form of boundaries within the field. So we want to make sure we have them there and so we have those communicated, there's a dialogue going on within the boundaries of that, and for example, like first, then, you know, just simple things like that, where here's the boundary, we're not doing that until we do this, and try to activate the curiosity. A lot of times, if the children has been used to the screen time for so many years or however long, it might take time to allow the child to find their field they want to graze in, and for us to be able to activate that curiosity because really what the iPads, video games, and st uh screen time does is just it kills curiosity.

SPEAKER_00 18:15

Yeah, it does. Um, although I do have to say, my kids were watching some. I asked Chat GPT last night. I'm like, we've already been through every creature case episode of like a learning show. Creature cases and wildcrats. What can we watch now? And it named something. Somebody's experiment. And it looked like a game show. I had a lady on with the kids and they were doing experiments. So I was cooking dinner, and my son comes in, he's like, Mom, do you have cornstarch? I'm like, I think so. Okay, I need some water and cornstarch and food diet. He's making this concoction, and he's like, I just saw it in the show. Well, needless to say, there was cornstarch, wet cornstarch, all over my counter, all over the stools, all over the floor. And then luckily he remembered to tell me about the part that says, do not put this down the drain. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 19:02

And so there there are exceptions to the rules, right? Like, I mean, not everything on the screens is terrible per se, but we wouldn't want to become reliant on that at not like that show, but just in general, just like a free-for-all of screen time all day or iPads everywhere you go, you know, stuff like that where it's just like you know that's unhealthy. Whereas if you're you know, when it's educationally relevant things, we we do need that because otherwise we don't know about all these cool, awesome experiments or creatures in the world.

SPEAKER_00 19:33

Yeah. And uh listen, I would love to be a screen-free family. I would absolutely love it. And I have friends that are, and they come over and they're like, Their kids are like, What is is on your wall? What is that? Like, I listen, I just grew up with them. My husband grew up with them, they've just been here. I don't know. We're saving the ones that are not smart TVs so that in the event of the apocalypse or you know, then the government's just strictly watching us and listening to well, I guess we're already there, but so that we have the TVs still that are not smart TVs.

SPEAKER_01 20:03

Yeah, and I just want to say I did so I do I've been starting a podcast as well, and I did talk, I've been trying to find just like the very radical unschooling parents. And I spoke to one unschooling parent, and she doesn't have any rules around screen time. She thinks that it's important for them to learn responsibility around it, and it's not up to her to just to like put the boundary with it. And they she says that over time they have learned, you know, by staying up super late and then having the const like the natural consequences of it the next day, they've learned the balance. However, I think it depends what age group. There's like I've been teasing it out. I'm like, well, at this age, maybe, or maybe as they're a little older, they could have a little more freedom with it. I don't think we need to like completely take it away as if, you know, there's it doesn't exist, but I also, you know, there's a balance. And again, though, I see the worst of the worst. So I want you to know like where I'm coming from is a place where I just I see kids who haven't even left the screen and what that does to their brain. And I've read a lot of research on screen-induced ADHD, screen-induced autism. And of course, that's an extreme case, but also it's not necessarily abnormal in this day and age.

SPEAKER_00 21:13

Yeah. And there's right, there's a lot of connection to like how fast-paced the shows are, because then your child is used to that screen change and those bright colors. Oh, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick. I mean, it was like a million different screen changes in a matter of a minute or something. So when their brain is used to that stimulation, that dopamine hit, when you sit them down to read a book or exactly lay in bed to go to sleep or have a conversation, they can't focus. So I'm definitely with you on that.

SPEAKER_01 21:41

Um, yeah, it's it's definitely an issue. And then I get into the ethical part of my job where we don't really rule out we don't get to be like, well, how much screen time is there? Like if we see these behaviors in an intention, we just, you know, we have no choice but to say this is an intention issue, right? Right? This is attention disorder. And I can't say, well, you know, maybe we should try first doing three months no screens, or you know, I don't get to have that option. It just goes straight into like the labels, you know.

SPEAKER_00 22:12

Really? I never thought about that, but man, I mean, when you think about even going to the doctor, yeah, they they never tell you like, well, take away the screens or take away sugar out of your diet, you know, they they're just here's your pill, and this is the exact same thing, and they're doing it with the kids. That yeah, let's you can't say as a school psychologist, let's take, let's do a lifestyle change. Right, I can't.

SPEAKER_01 22:35

And it's even the other thought I had was like, Well, why don't I get to make recommendations for nutritionists or you know, parent consultation about how to better, you know, format a lifestyle at home when their child is home from school. I don't make recommendations for like, oh, we need to have services here, here, and here, but why aren't we allowing nutrition to be part of it? You know, why aren't we allowing more education for parents on screens and love and compassion and you know, there's just so much I wish I could do.

SPEAKER_00 23:07

I never thought about that aspect of it. I mean, I have definitely talked before about like the school lunches being horrible, the school breakfast being horrible, and what that's you know, the dyes and the chemicals, what that's doing to your kid throughout the day. But I never really thought about like when they do and and uh how often when you recommend a service, is it actually do they follow through not that they don't follow through, that they can't follow through because there's just not that many people that work in those fields with availability to take on more students. It seems like everybody would have some sort of recommendation for a service.

SPEAKER_01 23:40

Yeah, it is there's just so much red tape. So I don't actually get to recommend the services that I would say are really gonna be helpful. I have to just kind of stick with the box they want me to stay in. It's to keep on good terms with everyone. So they pro they really alter what I say so they don't get tied into doing more than they can do, more than they want to do. And that's why I've turned into an advocate because I know that when certain words are said in a meeting coming from the parent side, that the school has to start moving in that direction. And unfortunately, it takes a lot of time and effort for that, but at least there's there's progress that can happen, especially with kids that have really like there are kids that do have what I would say are like intellectual disabilities where they really need extra support in all aspects. And it's not just like it's freedom to learn there, but it's also like they really need extra support just in general. I don't even know how to explain it more than that without being too specific, but to and they're in school, so I've had to really push schools to give them what they need just to for the bare minimum. And anyways, yeah, so it's it's not something that is easy and it's really contrived. There's a lot of red tape, and I've have a few TikToks that have gotten a lot of views over like what I've been gagged on, gagged. Like, I I can't say this in a meeting, I can't say this to parents, I can't say this, and so then I'm like, well, I'll go to TikTok and I'll just start saying all the things, and people are like, Whoa, like this is what I thought, and yeah, I've just started being like, you know what? What do I got to lose right now?

SPEAKER_00 25:20

Man, are you on Instagram? Because I'm banned from TikTok.

SPEAKER_01 25:23

You're banned. Um, I have been working towards the Instagram account because why haven't I gone on Instagram? I don't know. I just do like a lot of talking, and Instagram seems to they want more, anyways. Yeah, I'll get on Instagram too, I'll transfer it over. But yeah, yeah, it's pretty wild that I am one of I'm like, hasn't anyone ever talked about this? Like I think people just get so complacent in their job and what I do are teachers or anybody, and they're just like, this is my job, and they believe they're doing good. There's a lot of cognitive dissonance, and I just never got to that dissonance. Like I never got there, and I just could feel it in my soul that I wasn't helping these children. I'm like, I can't keep doing this or else I'm gonna end up getting sick.

SPEAKER_00 26:06

So yeah. Well, and I came from 16 years as a government worker. Oh, and I thought I was doing a like helpful thing. Yeah, let me freeze your bank account because you didn't pay your taxes. Well, you should have paid them, and then now I'm like, they're not even legal. Oh my gosh, yeah. And the welfare system and food stamps. I mean, it did all of that. And yeah, to step away was like huge. It was like, oh my god, I'm gonna leave all this money, I'm gonna leave a pension, like like I take three breaks a day. This how am I gonna listen to podcasts anymore?

SPEAKER_01 26:39

Yeah, but when you left, did you feel like the weight lift of like this conformity?

SPEAKER_00 26:45

Oh yes. It was just like a black cloud over me all the time. Like exactly 14 more years so you can retire, and then you have to be waiting, wasting your life away, like waiting for that one vacation you can take a year to attract. Um Yeah, no, very unhealthy way to live. And it's I mean, the last couple of years just opened my eyes up to like even just I I used to talk about it a lot in the beginning of of you know when I started the podcast, but with homeschooling the kids, I'm learning like all the stuff that I never learned in childhood. And it's not coming from the 45 minutes of textbook stuff that I have them do. It's coming from the nature walks and like getting books from book lists, like Read Aloud Revival has a lot of great book lists, so I'll order them to our library and bring them home. And I'm reading these children's books, and I'm like, really? I never knew this, and and then we're like go like putting up a bird feeder and watching the birds that actually come to the bird feeder because we're home and we can do that now. I'm not often totally. I mean, yeah, let's talk about this bird.

SPEAKER_01 27:45

That's one thing we do because people will say, Well, what do we do? Like, to spark curiosity. I just asked myself, okay, pick out one book. We go to the library every week, pick out one book about something you want to learn in the nonfiction uh section. You know, it's a different every time, sometimes it's the same, but there's been stuff that I've learned through that process. Like you're saying, uh, that, like you just said, we have been working with butterflies and caterpillars and milkweed. It's been this ongoing thing. Like, like you said, if he was in school all day, it would be a lot different than just these moments of passing by what you know is in our house that we're learning. And it's really that's the other part that I kind of talk a lot about and advise parents on is not recreating the public school classroom in the home. Because it's like really all we need to do is just engage with our environment. So whatever your environment is, create it so it's engaging. And there's this one book I read where it's like, yeah, make have the chart of the alphabet and the sounds and have the number chart so children can get up and go to the chart and look for the letter themselves, and they're more resourceful that way. But also have like you have um your home where they can interact with it with the bird feeders or the milkweed for the caterpillars, like just these little areas to engage with where they're learning these things. And it doesn't have to be super profound, it's just like you said, we didn't even get to learn this in our childhood.

SPEAKER_00 29:07

No, I've learned way more homeschooling my kids, and they're only seven and three than I ever did. Even graduating college than I ever did. Yeah. It's crazy. Absolutely. Yeah, and everywhere you go, even car rides. I mean, just having those conversations instead of like turning on the music or well, you know, and music is great. I'm not saying every single time, but like let's turn it down. Hey, we we would always play this game, like, okay, one point if you see a deer, two points if you see a hawk, three points if you see a bald eagle, which we actually saw a bald eagle yesterday as we were driving away, a hawk. So we always see the deer, but it it's just like that keeps the kids engaged, like, oh, how many points do you have from last time? Turn first one to ten wins, and so you're talking, your kids are engaged, and you you can even turn that into a reading lesson, like, okay, what does that sign say? Or who can spot the letter C? And that you know, that everyone's concentrating on this letter C, letter C, letter C, and you know, so it's just yeah, and engaging conversation.

SPEAKER_01 30:06

Or vice versa, where it's like that day, since you were with your child all day and you know what you got you all were talking about and learning or working on, or your curiosity that your child had, and you happen to drive by the thing, you can put connections together for them and teach them associations. And that's one thing I see a lot when I'm testing children is they really struggle with making associations. And and that's a huge thing we need in order to learn. It's really some kids might naturally be able to do it, but it's also helpful for us to model that for them. Like, oh, remember we read that earlier? Now look, it's over here. And they put the connection that helps store it. So a lot of this is helpful for us because we are just present with them and we can guide them into developing these brain synapses that allow them to learn and store information and create that spark of curiosity as they go.

SPEAKER_00 30:58

Yeah, I I guess I never thought about that being a like the association, but it's definitely something we did in because we were obsessed with, we watched all of the Little House on the Prairie episodes, which normal people would just read the books, but we watched them, but we did it every night as a family. The whole family would watch Little House on the Prairie, and it came in handy. Like it comes up so much that I'm saying to my son, like when we're talking about a president in history or a war that went on or something, I'm like, well, that would have been when Laura was really little, or that would have been when Laura was an adult, or maybe it was when Laura's dad Charles was really little, like that's how far the civil the civil war was, you know. So I'm relating it to him so he actually can have like a layout in his head of what the ground looked like in America back then, and it's actually like a tangible thing almost to him because we've seen it on the show, but yeah, I not that I would recommend the TV, but that was super helpful.

SPEAKER_01 31:51

No, I mean, and that's a healthy way of using TV. Like that's just a great example of how we can use it to learn, and you know, it's the it's not all evil. It's just it's a matter of us using it for, you know, not being programmed by it, but using it as a resource.

SPEAKER_00 32:11

Are you looking for an easy way to fill your homeschool health and safety reporting requirements? I wrote a children's book that helps families teach what to do in real emergency situations. Things we don't always think to teach, like fire safety, water safety, stranger awareness, gun safety, and even online safety. Let's talk emergencies is linked in the show's description.

SPEAKER_01 32:32

And it's a tool, right? We want we want to use technology, not technology use us. And so yeah, so it's just like let's figure out how we can use it better. My son sh he loves robots, and so I find ways to we put it together. Is AI gonna take over the world? I don't know, but my son really likes to put robots together, so we'll see what happens. It's just like I will support him on his curiosity on that, and we'll find ways of doing it. And sometimes we watch robots on the TV so he knows what like a super advanced robot might look like that they're building these days. And we also have hands-on robots we make, you know, at home. So it's really about exploring what's good for you.

SPEAKER_00 33:12

Now, is like I have to think in the back of my head, most people wouldn't even say this, but like your decision to unschool, is there an aspect of this that like you're seeing, and you said you see the worst of the worst in the line of work that you do, but where you're like, I literally could do nothing with curriculum all day long, and it's it's still gonna work out better than what's going on here. Like, I mean, I'm trying to fulfill parents here, like give them a little bit of like self-like, oh good, I feel better about this.

SPEAKER_01 33:38

Yeah, well, you said it perfectly. Like, what do we have to lose? And at the same time, I get where it's like, oh, but what about college and what about this and what about that? But it's what I'm learning is that if a child has a solid foundation of love and connection with their caregivers and their who they are is supported, like their curiosity. So we don't judge what they're interested in and we don't force them to be interested in things they don't want to be interested in. If they have a solid foundation of that, that builds self-esteem and self-worth and self-confidence and self-reliance and all these things that I see in these children that is just, you know, the numbers are pretty bad and the mental health is really bad for the most part. There's a lot of things where I'm like, is this a disability in terms of, you know, actually there's something wrong in the brain, or is this just like the mental health really fogging how this brain is working? For example, anxiety really impacts memory. So just one example. So knowing that if the foundation is solid, for example, planting a tree, if you have a solid place for that tree where the roots can grow down and it's getting plenty of water, the tree will grow. And we just have to see ourselves as trees in these beautiful gardens. And how can we grow these trees and support them the best way we can?

SPEAKER_00 34:50

Yeah. You know, I I'll get down on myself because the day will go by and it's all of a sudden it's like 9:30, 10 o'clock, and I'm like, oh my god, I don't feel like reading a book now to the kids. I'm like, oh my god, I I don't I don't know if I read them a book yesterday. I had two days now, maybe three days. I haven't read them anything. And then I stop and I'm like, how many books did my parents ever read to me? I don't ever read a single book, and yet here I am, a 41-year-old woman, like making it in the life. Exactly. It's like, yes, the recommendation would be read to your kid 15 minutes every day. It's gonna do wonders for them. If you miss a couple days, if you miss a month even, but you're still loving them and they have that solid foundation, they're you're not gonna break.

SPEAKER_01 35:29

Exactly. Did they get to experience love and connection? And so the key is the nervous system, and I guess I haven't even said this yet, but the key is their nervous system. You can really learn anything when your nervous system is regulated. And so if you created a, let's say, a pretty regulated nervous system environment for them that day and connection and love, it's that's all they really need. Like that's that's their armor for the world. And if we're forcing all these other things and it might be dysregulating to them, they might be just wanting to be loved that day and connected to you and just be around you. When we put them off into a school with someone else, they even even if it's a kind teacher, right? Like most of the teachers I had were very kind, it still is this separation between the nervous system that they were brought into this world to be connected to. And then in addition, it still is put amongst a lot of other children where they have to be kind of hyper-vigilant and conform, which nervous system activation there. My suggestion would to see what good happened in your day with your child and what love you gave them, and find that one good thing, and then put a note of like, okay, tomorrow will be the day where whatever it is that you're maybe beating yourself up about, tomorrow will be where I prioritize that thing. Because it's really just, and then we can go into internal family systems, and that's a whole other thing, but really it's just your manager part trying to manage you to out of fear that you might miss something, you know.

SPEAKER_00 37:00

Yeah, that is great. That such good advice. Um because it really, you know, as parents, and and I like to think too that like the parents that are worrying about this stuff, you're worrying because you are a parent that cares and is probably already doing a good job because what you see in the school is probably a lot. And I have teacher friends who are like, I mean, I've got kids. My one friend used to tell me she'd have kids that like the one saw their sibling get murdered the day before, and the other one doesn't know when food is gonna be on the table at home, and you know, she was in an inner city school, but it it's still it's like so what are they gonna act like during the day while they're you know there for six hours? There's gonna be emotions coming out, and then the other kids all have to partake in that. So it's like not even anymore where it's just affecting that child's life, and now it's affecting the 29 or 39 other kids in the class. It is crazy to think about our school system and that we all think it's completely normal to just throw these kids into a classroom together and then like think that they're all gonna come out wonderful on the other side. And it's easy as a parent to be like, it was the school's fault, you know, like my kids messed up, it was the school. But yeah, why don't you, I don't know, take the scary step and take it on yourself. Like, could you do worse?

SPEAKER_01 38:19

Yeah, not really.

SPEAKER_00 38:20

It's really that bad.

SPEAKER_01 38:22

It's really that bad where I just highly recommend, and I have to, again, I have to gag myself a lot when I'm talking to this parent, these parents that care and worry about their child, and they're like this and that and this and that, and I just want to be like, hey, have you tried homeschooling? Because a lot I work with kids that are also on like a virtual school platform, which again they still have to, you know, have these standards and classes, and it's just very overwhelming. But again, it's like if you're already home with them, if you can be home with them even a little bit, can you try to do that and just give them love all day? Because that's really what they need. Like the kids that like you are sharing that have extreme traumas, what do they need? They don't need to learn read and write and math, they need love, they need care, they need nervous system support, they need co-regulation. And you can't get co-regulation in a class of 30 other kids with all their traumas and all their dysregulated nervous systems, and one, maybe a teacher aid as well, two teachers that are also probably dysregulated.

SPEAKER_00 39:18

I I mean, I think I could use some co-regulation. Something I never got as a kid.

SPEAKER_01 39:23

Yeah, it's been look that up. For sure. It's been a journey for me as well to understand my own nervous system and see where I am taxing myself and frying my system and my adrenals and how to regulate myself when I can be co-regulated with another, and what actually, you know, what community and supports within my life I can have for that support. It's been a lot of discovery on my own, but it's really just remembering, remembering who I am, remembering what I'm here for, and then as I do that more and more, I find better ways to treat myself, my body, and myself with the people that are also remembering. And one way, another thing I'll mention too for parents advising them to look at their child's human design and look at their own human design. And I know that might sound a little woo-boo and esoteric because it is something like astrology, but it is a seven-system chart that takes in the IC and astrology and a lot of different things. And I've been collecting data on it because I used to do it when I was uh working as a school psychologist in the schools where I could get access to birth certificates and see like when they were born, where so I could pull their charts and I would just collect data just for my own, just to see, like, okay, if ADHD is showing up, what does the chart look like as a human design chart? And I actually did find patterns, and I did find like these charts are accurate. These children really have these innate auras that are just naturally who they are, and if we are able to see them, it might help guide it, guide us in being their facilitator in their learning or whatever we want to call it, teaching them.

SPEAKER_00 40:58

Okay, so that's a what is that, the seven-point chart?

SPEAKER_01 41:01

So it's human design. It's just called human design. You can look it up, there's like probably 20 different websites. You can just type in human design, and you just need your date of birth, name, and place, and you can check it out. And nowadays it's actually really easy because you can even put it in to Chat GPT and it can tell you a little bit about it. Obviously, you don't want Chat GPT to go too deep because it can make mistakes, but for the most part, you can get the gist of it. And I use that now in my private evaluation. So if I'm looking at a child's processing, so for example, hopefully have a minute for me to explain this. So, for example, I had a parent come to me uh knowing this is kind of what I do, and they're just like, look, the teacher says my kid has ADHD, but I do not, I don't want it to be that, and I don't think it's that. So I was like, Alright, let me do this. So I went in and so I did both. I tested the processing, which is my typical psychoeducational evaluation, but then I also combined the human design and triangulating the data of those things, his human design, he has this specific type where he's not really here to just like sit and listen to a teacher all day. In fact, he's here to initiate, make impact, and then just kind of go somewhere. Like he's like creative impact, then just like go rest and like do his own thing for all day. Like super slow paced. But the teacher's like, oh he's not keeping up in class, I don't think he's paying attention. But when I tested also his processing, he had extremely high verbal spatial reasoning, meaning, I mean, he's quite intelligent in other words. And I'm like, there's it's just this stuff, first of all, is too boring for him. He's not even here to listen to you all day do the boring stuff. He's here to make a big impact and then go do his own thing and explore nature and be chill. And once I taught or taught that about him to his parents, they were like, oh my god, this makes so much sense. Like we can allow that to be more. And so they're working on more of a hybrid schooling situation where he's there a couple days but then can be home on the other few days. And they said it's been really working for them. And one more, I had a child, they're like, Okay, he's getting bullied in school. He's really smart, but man, the school is just really hard. There he's bullied. So I test him. His IQ is in the 99th point nine percentile, and I'm like, oh my gosh, not only that, he has a super rare type again where he's here to make an impact. So his ideas are different than people around him because he's here to start new things, and he has genius level intelligence. So you put those two things together. No, this kid needs to be out of the school because these kids are gonna destroy his self-esteem. They took him home, they've been homeschooling him now for like six months, and they said it's been the best experience of them lives because he's outside doing like geology at like college level stuff, playing with finding things with rocks and doing presentations on things that he finds interesting. And that is how we follow our child's learning.

SPEAKER_00 43:51

That's amazing. Those thank you for putting really putting it into words through story and like an example because I think it just shows parents this that this you're you're your child's first teacher and you're the one that cares about them the most. So you can give them anything. Um, and it doesn't have to cost anything either.

SPEAKER_01 44:07

Yeah, and intelligence again is so unique and different. So when schools treat children that they're all the same and they have to learn at the same pace and do the same things, that's not honoring our children. And then we look at their human design, which is also all unique. That's that's why would it be any other way? Why would we say, okay, be like the rest of these kids? Why aren't you being like the rest of these kids? When in reality we're all here for our own unique purpose, and maybe we don't exactly know what that is, but it's better for us to learn who we are than to be conformed into a system of who we're not.

SPEAKER_00 44:42

Yeah, beautifully said. Courtney, where can people find you if they want to follow you, if they want to get in touch with you?

SPEAKER_01 44:47

Okay, so I'm Courtney Shock D on TikTok, and I have a link tree in my bio on TikTok that has all my links to my Substack in one-on-one consultation. Like I said, I'm gonna get over to Instagram a little more smoothly. I'm not quite full on there. And I do have a YouTube channel as well. And then I have I think my YouTube channel is called Free Your Mind. So a lot of my stuff is about freeing your mind. So just check it out.

SPEAKER_00 45:13

Yeah, I'll link all of that in the show's description. So please check that out. You've been so informative. I'm gonna definitely look up the human design of myself and my son. I think it'll definitely just it affects like how you approach things. I love that. So thank you so much for being here today.

SPEAKER_01 45:30

Yeah, thank you for having me. And yes, it allows us to have compassion for just who we are and who our children are, and it's just a way to be more compassionate with ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 45:41

Amazing. Thank you for listening to the Homeschool How to podcast. If today's episode helped you, please be sure to follow the show and leave a review. It's the best way to support the podcast. And if you're just getting started or need a reset, head to thehomeschoolhow2.com and grab my free 30-day homeschool quick start guide. Until next time, keep learning, keep questioning, and thank you for your love of the next generation.