Situationship to Soulmate

How to Prevent Pregnancy: Birth Control Methods, Fertility Awareness, and Reducing Anxiety

• Shelly Ray Crossland • Season 2 • Episode 2

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This episode covers all of my most frequently asked questions around how to prevent pregnancy. Especially with the results of the election, I know a lot of you are scared. In this episode I aim to empower you with knowledge in order to help you reduce anxiety and enhance your confidence as you manage your reproductive health.

This episode covers the following FAQs I receive as a sex educator on TikTok: 

  1. Effectiveness of condoms and why you should be using them
  2. Pros and cons of the other main forms of birth control: IUD, the pill, the patch, and injection
  3. Plan B facts and when you should or should not use it
  4. How to track ovulation and know when you can and cannot get pregnant 
  5. PMS symptoms vs pregnancy symptoms and common reasons for changes in your cycle

For more free resources on your menstrual cycle and preventing pregnancy, check out my eguides: 

To talk to me privately about your pregnancy scare or questions, click the link below:
https://stan.store/shamelesslyshelly/p/ask-me-anything--i9njh

Follow me on TikTok and Instagram @shamelesslyshelly + @situationshiptosoulmate

Speaker 1:

Let's talk about how to not get pregnant, especially with the results of this election. I know that a lot of you are scared. I know that I have a lot of followers on TikTok, especially who are young girls and women who are terrified of being pregnant. I was born and raised in Austin. I live here. Now. It's feeling scary right now, living in a state where I know that if I were to get pregnant even if that was something that I was wanting I would not feel like I have the best health care and the best care that I need to feel safe in my pregnancy. Because the fact is, even though a lot of people don't want you to know this, it's true that these strict abortion laws also affect people who experience miscarriage or who have an ectopic pregnancy. If anything is going wrong in your pregnancy and you're in a state that does not support access to abortion, that also affects whether or not you have access to the best care if you are going through a miscarriage. Basically, all this is to say I understand you, I hear you, I feel you. If you are feeling terrified of miscarriage, basically, all this is to say I understand you, I hear you, I feel you. If you are feeling terrified of the idea of getting pregnant and if you follow me on TikTok at shamelesslyshelly, you know this is a huge topic that I talk about on my channel is how to prevent pregnancy, but I realized that I have not done a podcast episode on this, and even my TikTok videos are. You know, their TikTok videos tend to be shorter. They tend to be focused on specific topics, so I wanted to just do an episode. That is basically all of my best advice for preventing pregnancy. So I hope that this is helpful to you and yeah, let's get started. I feel like what I hear across the board from young girls that follow me is like, even if they are on birth control, even if they are on birth control, even if they're using condoms every time, they still feel scared of getting pregnant, and I know that that is really hard Again, especially if you are in a red state, if you're in a state that has strict abortion laws. It is very scary and it's absolutely valid and makes sense for you to be taking it seriously, taking preventing pregnancy seriously. With that being said, I also see a lot of people that have an unhealthy level of anxiety around this stuff, and I do want to also encourage you to trust yourself. Trust the fact that if you are doing things to prevent pregnancy, it is extremely unlikely that you will get pregnant. The majority of people that get pregnant are people that were not taking any precautions or they just got very, very unlucky, which does happen, and that is unfortunate. But I think that hopefully, with this episode, you'll get some good just you'll get the facts of what you need to do to prevent pregnancy.

Speaker 1:

Now the question I get asked a lot is if I'm not having sexual intercourse, could I still potentially get pregnant, right? Basically, what I tell people is if you are not having intercourse and if you've never had intercourse and that's just not something that you have started doing yet you don't need to be worrying about getting pregnant. Okay, there is there are only a few very specific situations that I can even think of where it would be possible to get pregnant without having intercourse, and so, in general and people asking this, I just say, hey, if you're not having intercourse, you're not someone who needs to be worrying about getting pregnant. Like that does not need to be something you're worrying about right now, but you do need to have a plan, for if you plan to start having sex at some point. What are you going to be doing to prevent pregnancy?

Speaker 1:

Let's start off just talking about the different options for birth control, contraceptives, all of that fun stuff. So the first and probably easiest option that everyone has access to is condoms. Okay, condoms are about 98% effective when used correctly. So this means that if you're using a condom and it's not expired and it is, you know you're not doing something like wearing two condoms makes it more likely for the condom to break or to get little holes in it. If you're storing your condoms in a place that's not causing a lot of friction Like we actually recommend that you don't store your condoms in your wallet or put them in your pocket or put them somewhere where they're going to be rubbing against things and having friction, because that can cause little small tears and holes in the condoms. But overall, if you are using condoms every single time, if you're using them correctly they're not expired, all of that stuff you will not get pregnant the people that get pregnant while using condoms. The condom breaks or falls off and I don't see any reason why you would not be using condoms. I think the main reason why people don't use condoms is the pushback they get from men who don't want to wear one. If I can reiterate anything in this episode, it is that now is not the time to be putting yourself at risk of getting pregnant for the sake of making your partner feel better.

Speaker 1:

I'm just going to go over some of the main types of birth control that you could consider. So probably the most well-known form is the pill. So the pill has two different types. There is the progesterone only pill, and then there's the combined pill. Both of these types of pills are 99% effective when used correctly, which means you are taking the pill at the same time or around the same time every single day. If you take it a few hours later than normal, it's probably not going to be a problem, but if you forget to take the pill for one day or more, you should definitely use another form of protection, like condoms.

Speaker 1:

So the main cons of using the pill is you know it's something that you have to remember to take every single day. So if you're not someone who's good at remembering to take a pill every single day, it might not be the best method for you, or you will just have to learn how to be really you know. Really remember to take it every day. A lot of people I know use like an alarm on their phone or something like that to remind them to take the pill. Another major con of the pill is that it is hormonal, which means that it's, you know, it's artificially putting more of the hormones estrogen and progesterone into your body and it's hard to know before you try it how your body will react to that. Yeah, like any medication, it's something you're going to have to try out and see how it works for you, and I will say, if you try one type of the pill and it doesn't work, you're getting really bad side effects. Then you can always talk to your doctor and have them switch you to a different type. So, for example, trying the combined pill and then trying the progesterone only pill if the combined pill doesn't work well for you, and vice versa.

Speaker 1:

The next really popular form of birth control is the IUD, and the IUD is, you know, it's really nice in that you don't have to remember to take a pill every day, right? It's something that is inserted into your uterus and it releases a small amount of progesterone each day to basically stop you from ovulating and therefore prevent you from getting pregnant. So the IUD has two different types. There's the regular IUD and then there's the copper IUD. The copper IUD can be inside you for longer. So if you get the copper IUD, it can stay in your uterus for up to 10 years, whereas if you get the regular IUD, it is usually between three to eight years. So that's also something to consider, like if you are someone who maybe either doesn't want kids at all or you want kids eventually, but you know that you definitely don't want kids in the next 10 years, it might be worth it to just go ahead and get the copper IUD, which lasts longer.

Speaker 1:

The main drawback of the IUD is that it can be very painful to insert. I've definitely heard different things. I've heard of women saying that it really wasn't that painful for them, but I've also heard of women saying that it was literally the most painful thing they've ever experienced. They basically were having the equivalent of contractions when you're going into labor. Like it's really, really painful for some people. So that's obviously something to consider. A really good thing about the IUD is that it is very, very effective, so it is like over 99% effective.

Speaker 1:

And then the other two effective and common forms of birth control are the implant, which is basically a really thin rod that is inserted under the skin of your arm. It can be effective for up to three years. There's also the injection or the shot. So the implant and the shot can be really good options. For someone who's not wanting something as invasive as the IUD but maybe you're also you're not wanting to have to take a pill every single day those options can be really good for you and they're both also pretty effective. The shot is about 96% effective and the implant is, I think, also about 99% effective. So again, they're up there with the IUD and the pill as far as really effective forms of birth control.

Speaker 1:

And then, lastly, there's the patch. It releases progesterone and estrogen. So you have to remember to put on a new patch once a week for three weeks, and then the fourth week you don't wear the patch And's when you have your that's theoretically when you have your period. So again, I would say the patch is kind of in between the pill and the iud and the shot and everything where, like, you have to remember to change the patch. You have to kind of have this routine of putting on a new patch once a week for three weeks. So it might not be the best for someone who's really busy or who's not good at remembering to do stuff like that, but it's not quite. As you know, you don't have to remember to change it every single day, or you know like you have to take a pill every day.

Speaker 1:

And then the last form of contraception that is recognized as a form of contraception now is called the fertility awareness method, and this is something that I kind of have talked about a little bit. Just because I do talk a lot about knowing your cycle and tracking your cycle, I would say that this method is I only really recommend this for someone who would not be the worst thing in the world if you did accidentally get pregnant, because it is not quite as effective as all these other methods, but if you can track your ovulation, you can prevent pregnancy by avoiding sex during those six days where you could get pregnant or using protection during that time, and that's basically what the fertility awareness method is. It's basically just tracking your cycle, knowing the days when you could potentially get pregnant and avoiding sex on those days or using. So these are basically all the different ways. I would say all the different ways to prevent pregnancy. I would say again, if you are someone who really really is, is like it would be really bad if you got pregnant I would recommend using one of those main forms of birth control and or condoms. If you are someone who's interested in learning more about your cycle and tracking your cycle, you can always use the fertility awareness method as well as other forms of birth control. I think that's a really good way to start getting to know your body and your cycle.

Speaker 1:

So something that I hear people ask, and I see people talk about a lot, is if they are already on a different form of birth control, do you need to also be using condoms? And my answer for that is it depends, right, I would say it depends on your level of anxiety. I know that in the back of a lot of your minds it's like well, nothing is 100% effective, so there's still a chance and, of course, there are people who have gotten pregnant and I know that's scary. So if you are on one of those main forms of birth control, it is not required to use a condom as well. However, if you think that that will help your peace of mind, if you think that your level of anxiety is so high. Even though you're on birth control, you're still constantly anxious about getting pregnant.

Speaker 1:

It doesn't hurt to use condoms as well and, again, I don't think that now is the time to be trying to cater to the needs of your male partner. You need to explain to him how this is affecting your mental health and you need to make sure that he understands and he's supporting you in the fact that, again, it is a very scary time to be someone who can get pregnant and you need to be doing everything in your power to prevent that. So, if using both condoms and being on a birth control method like the pill, the implant and being on a birth control method like the pill, the implant, iud, etc. If that is what it takes for you to feel safe, then I absolutely think you should do that. If you are just asking me will I get pregnant if I'm taking the pill every single day, like I'm supposed to? Will I get pregnant if I'm on the IUD? I would say no and I would say, even if you don't use condoms, you will not get pregnant. However, I understand that there's still I'm still not able to say that 100%, because there is no nothing that is a hundred percent effective. So, again, if you feel like using condoms on top of being on the pill is what you need to do, do that. So I'm just going to go through a few of my most frequently asked questions that I get a lot, and I actually have a webpage that I will link below which has all of these FAQs and answers for you. But I'm just going to go through them right now in case you're listening to this.

Speaker 1:

The first one is can pre-cum cause pregnancy? For those of you that don't know, pre-cum is this fluid that comes out, that really it can come out at any point when he is hard. So it doesn't. I think sometimes when people hear pre-cum they think like, oh, this is, it comes out like right before he comes, but pre-cum can come out at any point when he has an erection, has an erection. So that is really good to know because, again, if you are having intercourse without a condom, he could have pre-cum at any point during the sex that you're having. But the thing to know about pre-cum is that studies have shown that most men either don't have any sperm in the pre-cum or they have a very low amount of sperm, a very low sperm count, which just means that, like when he ejaculates, millions of sperm are released With pre-cum. Some guys have zero sperm in their pre-cum, which means it would be impossible to get pregnant from just pre-cum, or they have just a low sperm count. And it also some studies have shown that the sperm that lives in the pre-cum is actually not as likely to cause pregnancy. So overall, again, I would just say obviously it's always good to be cautious. It's always good to use a condom, even if he doesn't ejaculate inside you, because there's a small chance that the pre-cum could cause you to get pregnant. But I would not be as concerned about that as I would about someone who again had sex where he came inside you and you did not use a condom and you are not on birth control.

Speaker 1:

So if you're listening to this episode and you're still feeling a little bit confused or anxious, or you just need a little bit of personal support around a specific issue that you are going through, or you just want reassurance or validation from me about you know whether or not you should be worried about pregnancy, you can submit your questions to me and I will put the link below. I basically had to stop responding to DMs on TikTok and Instagram, because I started getting so many and it was just really really affecting my mental health to try to be constantly responding to DMs and comments and everything. So I started doing this new method where you can send me a private email and I will respond and answer all your questions. So I would love for you to reach out to me that way Again. I'll put the link down below and the link is also in my TikTok account, so if you go to the link in my bio of my TikTok, you can also find it there, all right.

Speaker 1:

The next thing that I hear people talk about a lot is Plan B or the emergency contraceptive or the morning after pill, right? So any of these pills that you can take that reduce the chance of getting pregnant. If you do have an accident or something that happens, like if you are using condoms as your only form of protection and the condom breaks, for example, it might be a good idea to take a Plan B just in case, especially if he finished inside you. So let's talk about Plan B. Basically, plan B is up to 89% effective at preventing pregnancy if it's taken within 72 hours, or about three days of the unprotected sex. So again, it's a good idea, if you are using only condoms and it breaks or falls off or something happens, to go ahead and take a plan B within three days after that happened. Or the other reason that a lot of people might use Plan B would be if you're on the pill and you forgot to take it for a day or more. I would also recommend using Plan B. It is going to either delay ovulation or cause you to just not ovulate that month at all. Yeah, if you're on the pill and you forgot to take it, it's always a good idea to use Plan B.

Speaker 1:

The one thing I want to say about Plan B please, please, hear me when I say this Plan B is not a birth control method. Okay, I think a lot of times people kind of lump it in with other forms of protection or other birth control methods, but Plan B is not a birth control. It should not be used as a way to prevent pregnancy. It should only really be used in an emergency. So you should not be used as a way to prevent pregnancy. It should only really be used in an emergency. So you should not be just relying on plan B to prevent pregnancy.

Speaker 1:

The other thing to know about plan B is that, like I said, it works by preventing you from ovulating or by delaying ovulation. So if you take it after you've already ovulated, first of all you can't get pregnant at that time which I'll cover in a minute but second of all it's not going to be effective if you are already ovulating or you have already ovulated. So that kind of brings me into the next part that I want to talk about, which is tracking your cycle, being aware of where you are in your cycle, which I have a whole other episode all about the menstrual cycle. Being aware of where you are in your cycle, which I have a whole other episode all about the menstrual cycle, where you can learn more about each of the different phases. So I definitely recommend you watch or you listen to that episode.

Speaker 1:

But in general, you need to be aware of about when you're ovulating. There's only about six days during any given cycle where it is possible for you to conceive. The only time you can get pregnant is within five days, the five days leading up to ovulation or the day of ovulation. Actual ovulation only lasts for 24 hours, but because sperm can live inside your body for up to five days if you had sex five days before ovulation, the sperm could still be living inside you and basically be waiting for ovulation to start, and that's when it would be able to fertilize the egg, right? So basically, there's six days where you could get pregnant the day of ovulation and the five days leading up to ovulation.

Speaker 1:

Now the reason why it's good to just always use protection or always be on birth control is because everyone's cycle is so unique and you cannot just rely on an app to tell you when you're ovulating. The app does not know what's going on in your body. Only you know what's going on in your body, right? So that's why I really, really emphasize getting to know the signs from your body that tell you when you're ovulating.

Speaker 1:

The best way to know when you're ovulating that I personally use is to track your fertile cervical mucus, aka your discharge, right? So touching yourself and feeling what your discharge feels like throughout your cycle will help you start to learn what your fertile cervical mucus feels like throughout your cycle will help you start to learn what your fertile cervical mucus feels like. So the best way to describe what this feels like is that it kind of has the consistency of egg white, okay, so you know, when you have an egg and you break it open, the like the egg white is the kind of clear, gooey stuff that comes out, kind of slimy, slippery part of the egg. Right. That is what your fertile cervical mucus feels like. So if you've ever noticed that you're a little bit less wet down there during certain parts of your cycle, that is because you are the most wet when you are ovulating, because that fertile cervical mucus helps the sperm be able to travel to fertilize the egg. So if you start feeling your discharge throughout your cycle, you can start seeing when you are fertile, when you are close to ovulation.

Speaker 1:

So the average woman with a regular cycle will be ovulating around the middle of her cycle. So if you have a 28-day cycle, you would be ovulating around day 14. Again, go and listen to the episode about the menstrual cycle because it'll give you more information. But day one is the first day your period starts. So day 14 is about two weeks later. That is about when you would be ovulating. But everyone ovulates on different days. Some people just naturally ovulate earlier in their cycle or some people ov ovulate later. So again, that's why you need to start tracking your cervical mucus to figure out when you think you're ovulating.

Speaker 1:

I personally can really tell when I'm approaching ovulation because I just feel better, I am in a better mood, I am feeling more confident, I'm like right now, for example, I am predicting that I will ovulate in the next five-ish days three to five days probably because I can really tell. Like today, I just woke up feeling good, I feel motivated to record this podcast episode. I feel really like lovey-dovey towards my boyfriend. As opposed to during my period, I'm usually feeling a little bit more low energy, not quite as happy, and during my luteal phase, which is the like week to two weeks before my period, I'm feeling really down, a lot of anxiety, just not feeling my best. Again, I really encourage everyone to track your cycle because that is a great way to start figuring out when you're ovulating. So this big question of can you get pregnant at any day in your cycle? The answer is unequivocally no. The answer is that you can only get pregnant about six days out of your cycle. So if you start tracking your cycle and feeling confident in knowing when those days are, that can really really help in preventing pregnancy.

Speaker 1:

Ok, so the next thing I want to talk about in regard to our cycles as well, is pregnancy symptoms versus PMS symptoms. So this is something I hear a lot is that people will get really scared because they think that they're experiencing pregnancy symptoms, because early pregnancy symptoms are very similar to PMS. You can even get symptoms around ovulation. So some women will experience cramping during ovulation Symptoms that usually we associate with PMS. Some women experience that during ovulation.

Speaker 1:

What I always tell people is like simply having a symptom that can be a pregnancy symptom does not mean you're pregnant, right. It's like the whole correlation versus causation Like just because a symptom is listed on a list of symptoms of pregnancy does not mean that you having that symptom means you're pregnant, right? Because, again, a lot of those symptoms are also just normal symptoms of our cycle, normal PMS symptoms. So the only way to know for sure if you are pregnant is to take a test, right? It is best to wait and take a test until your period is at least a week late. So that's also what I tell people is like. If you're experiencing symptoms and you're like, oh my God, what if this is pregnancy symptoms? But your period is not even late yet, chances are you're feeling PMS symptoms, right? So I would wait until your period is at least a week late. If it's negative, I would trust that right and I would just trust my body and I would say, hey, these symptoms I'm experiencing is just normal hormonal things, or maybe my cycle has changed for other reasons.

Speaker 1:

The main reasons I would say where you would have symptoms that you don't usually have before your period would be stress. Stress is a big one If you've been exercising more rigorously than normal or if you've been eating differently than normal. Even travel I've heard a lot of people say like they're traveling and their period is completely off while they're traveling right, traveling and their period is completely off while they're traveling right. Our bodies are just very sensitive. Increased stress, increased exercise or any major fluctuations in weight or in our diet all of those can affect our periods. So, again, if you're feeling nervous and you're having symptoms that you don't usually have, I would first say, okay, is my period even late yet? Then I would look at have there been any other changes in my life? Look at those factors, remind yourself that those things affect your hormones, which then affects your cycle and it's likely that you're not pregnant. It's just normal fluctuation. Also, if you are young, if you are within the first I would say like five years of your period starting for the first time, so you're like a teenager or a young adult. It's actually very common to have an irregular cycle.

Speaker 1:

Okay, let's talk about anxiety real quick, because I hear from so many girls who are so anxious about getting pregnant and, like I said at the beginning of this episode, it is so normal and so valid to be feeling this anxiety episode. It is so normal and so valid to be feeling this anxiety and it is also important to make sure that your mental health is not being affected to a point of it really causing serious issues for you. You don't have to just accept a high level of anxiety just because you feel like it's normal or it's everyone feels this way like it is possible to to not feel anxious about getting pregnant, to feel confident that you are doing what you need to do to prevent pregnancy, and I hope this episode has been helpful for that in just telling you some of the facts around it. But again, I think that if you are someone, especially if you're someone who's already doing a lot to prevent it, if you're on birth control, or if you use condoms every single time you have sex, you are not someone that is at high risk for getting pregnant, and so, again, I would really encourage you to get mental health support if you are able to. A lot of people don't realize that there are therapists that are specifically trained around issues regarding sex. I am someone who is getting trained in that area and I currently work with clients who have specific issues around sex, and a lot of the women that I work with it's anxiety right Like. They have anxiety around sex, and many of them have this anxiety because they are scared of getting pregnant. So please know that you're not alone if you experience this, and also know that there are people out there like myself, whose job it is to help you work through this and reduce your anxiety and make sure that you are able to enjoy sex without the constant fear of pregnancy.

Speaker 1:

I'm sure many of you found this episode from following me on TikTok, but if you don't already follow me on TikTok, I would love to see you over there. So my TikTok is shamelesslyshelly, I'll also have it linked below, and I talk about a lot of these topics on there, so I would love to see you on my TikTok. I also have a few free resources linked in my bio, which I will also link below this episode. I have one free e-guide that talks all about your menstrual cycle and cycle tracking, and I also have another free e-guide that talks all about a lot of the info that I covered in this episode. So if you need kind of a visual or a quick reminder of all these things that I covered today, I also am in the process of working on an online course, which will be very focused around reducing anxiety and being able to enjoy sex more as a woman. Specifically. I will definitely let you all know when that's available.

Speaker 1:

I hope you all are taking care of yourselves. Again, I know that it's a hard time right now with the election that just happened. Please take care of yourself. Do what you need to do to feel safe and comfortable, both in regard to preventing pregnancy, but also in regard to your overall mental health. You deserve to feel calm and happy and confident in all areas of your life. I'll talk to you soon.

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Shelly Ray Crossland

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