Ever felt like you're just a few steps away from the life you truly desire? Samm Hunter, a transformational coach with a passion for altering self-perception and enhancing the quality of our interactions, joins us to unlock the secrets of personal evolution and relationship dynamics. With Samm, we traverse the landscape of identity change, disassembling the myth that happiness is a future state and underscoring the interplay between our personal and professional spheres. Her expertise illuminates the path to redefining goals in work and love, navigating the complexities in relationships, and the holistic approach necessary for genuine contentment.
Navigating the intricate dance of boundaries and emotional triggers in relationships can feel like a minefield. This episode peels back the layers of the humor-defense mechanism, using exchanges with Rebecca and Micah's unintended jests as examples. Samm’s insights help us understand our responses and the importance of empathy and self-awareness in fostering connections that are not only healthier but filled with compassion. These conversations are a treasure trove of strategies for those seeking to strengthen their ability to maintain authenticity while honoring the individuality of their partners and friends.
Finally, we stretch the canvas to include the pursuit of happiness, the influence of belief systems like the law of attraction, and the profound effects of group healing. Samm shares her personal shift from a fear-led existence to one brimming with purpose, offering a beacon of hope for those ready to embark on their own transformative journey. We cover the necessity of gratitude, the bravery needed to seek support, and the concerted effort relationships demand, all while exploring the depths of our motivations for change. Join us as we shed light on these potent topics, each carrying the promise of leading you closer to the life you're meant to lead.
Ever felt like you're just a few steps away from the life you truly desire? Samm Hunter, a transformational coach with a passion for altering self-perception and enhancing the quality of our interactions, joins us to unlock the secrets of personal evolution and relationship dynamics. With Samm, we traverse the landscape of identity change, disassembling the myth that happiness is a future state and underscoring the interplay between our personal and professional spheres. Her expertise illuminates the path to redefining goals in work and love, navigating the complexities in relationships, and the holistic approach necessary for genuine contentment.
Navigating the intricate dance of boundaries and emotional triggers in relationships can feel like a minefield. This episode peels back the layers of the humor-defense mechanism, using exchanges with Rebecca and Micah's unintended jests as examples. Samm’s insights help us understand our responses and the importance of empathy and self-awareness in fostering connections that are not only healthier but filled with compassion. These conversations are a treasure trove of strategies for those seeking to strengthen their ability to maintain authenticity while honoring the individuality of their partners and friends.
Finally, we stretch the canvas to include the pursuit of happiness, the influence of belief systems like the law of attraction, and the profound effects of group healing. Samm shares her personal shift from a fear-led existence to one brimming with purpose, offering a beacon of hope for those ready to embark on their own transformative journey. We cover the necessity of gratitude, the bravery needed to seek support, and the concerted effort relationships demand, all while exploring the depths of our motivations for change. Join us as we shed light on these potent topics, each carrying the promise of leading you closer to the life you're meant to lead.
You don't have to be positive all the time. It's perfectly okay to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared and anxious. Having feelings doesn't make you a negative person. It doesn't even make you weak. It makes you human and we are here to talk through it all. We welcome you to these fucking feelings podcasts, A safe space for all who needs it. Grab a drink and take a seat. The session begins now.
Speaker 3:It was Sam Murphy and now it's Sam Hunter. But to get that actually changed everywhere? At first it's like, oh, this is exciting. And then you start thinking about like all that has to go in to that, you know. So it's the transit. And then it's an email that you've had forever, right, and it was the old website, and so technically it's Sam Murphy, hunter. Now.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 3:Thank you, thank you, and I say just, it was almost a year ago, but you know, the Just feels like it's just a moment ago.
Speaker 2:Still in that honeymoon phase, as people like to call it right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, totally.
Speaker 2:Now, what did we do do here? We do do is we like our guests to introduce themselves, because I'm always forgetting something. So, before we go too far into it, do you mind introducing yourself to our audience?
Speaker 3:Yes, I would love to, and thank you guys for having me on. I'm so excited to be here today and be chatting. So I'm a transformational coach. I do a lot of high performance, mindset and then also relationships, and what that really is about is it's helping people shape the view, the way they view themselves, others and interact with the world right, because we all have a story and a view and life experience that has shaped us. So it's really about looking at okay, where are we at right now? Where do we want to be? What are we coming up against? That's preventing that.
Speaker 3:And then looking potentially in the past as to what created that belief or what fractured that part of us off, where something developed and maybe holding us back or hindering us, you know, so that we can create the life that we really want, so we can live and have the experience and the joy and the fulfillment that is meant for all of us.
Speaker 3:So it's really helping people identify what those things are and get clear and then look at how do we remove it, how do we not just talk about it, but how do we actually process and release that from the unconscious so we can sort of upgrade our operating system. And then I saw I do that with individuals and then I do that with couples and relationships as well, because one thing that's wild I think we all know is depending on the state of our relationships, really the quality of our life can be based on the quality of our relationships. So I did not intend to do that originally and just my clients and coming to me and being able to best help them and serve them sort of led that way. So that's part of part of the practice now.
Speaker 2:Right, and so I was, like you know you so messed up because your husband screwed you up, so let's go ahead and fix that first.
Speaker 3:Well, you know, what was wild is so many people would come to me, and a lot of us can have that habit of I'll be happy when right, I'll be happy when I sell the company, or I'll be happy when I get in a relationship, or I'll be happy when I get married, whatever the thing may be. And oftentimes we get there, we climb to the top of the mountain and then we go oh huh, it's just a Tuesday, maybe it's that, maybe it's that. And so a lot of people would come to me having achieved the goals and the dreams that they thought were going to give them the thing and make them feel a certain way. But as we started to dig, sometimes it was oh, you haven't really been intimate with your partner in two years. Ah, maybe there's something there. Because a lot of times I realized people will silo off, oh, it's just work, oh, it's just my relationship. But it's all connected, it's all part of the same puzzle and pie.
Speaker 2:So, looking at it all together, Okay, I just want to get rid of my nine to five.
Speaker 3:So if you can help me with that, then so we just got, we just got to look at that. We got to look Okay, we got, we're clear on where we want to be. So then we got to say what do we need to be doing? And one thing that's interesting is is it a knowledge problem or is it more like a taking action, which then it'll tell us if it's a mindset or belief problem. Right, if we know what to do but we're not doing it, perhaps then we want to look at what's the story or what's the piece that maybe says it's not possible or that it has to be hard.
Speaker 2:Okay, because I'm not a good starter, but I'm a great finisher.
Speaker 3:Okay, beautiful. So you just need a little energy in that initial creation, like a little kickstart.
Speaker 2:And that's why we tell people like I don't think I have original ideas, but I think I can make the hell like your idea huge.
Speaker 3:Okay, I, and that's a skill, though, right, it's like see what people are doing, or see what's out there and working, and how do you optimize it? So many successful people throughout history have done that very thing, right, maybe they didn't invent it, but they optimized it or they made it better.
Speaker 4:Right. Do you target other sorts of relationships? Maybe mother daughter, you know, find that that's an issue Totally.
Speaker 2:So, all my self or nothing.
Speaker 3:Sorry, what was that, micah?
Speaker 2:She said not asking for myself or nothing.
Speaker 3:That's the benefit of the show, right? It's like. This is what I would like to know. Can we talk about it? We sure can. I would love to you know.
Speaker 3:So, yes, absolutely so, our intimate relationships, but also all relationships, because there's needs, there's dynamics, there's great communication or lack thereof, right. And then in that interaction, in that relationship, there's meaning that we make of it right. What did it mean about me, especially when we're little? So those primary attachment relationships, such as parents, really can be vital. You know, as we work through and process I know you guys probably know in our experts on like, oh, I see how that went, I see why I have that belief or that story or that pattern, and then looking at, yes, how do we want to shape or change that today?
Speaker 3:You know, because one of the things that's beautiful about relationships is, a lot of times, yes, it is ideal if both partners are willing and interested to say what do we need to do to shift? But sometimes, especially with parents, maybe that's not necessarily the case, but we can still do a lot as we work in process. Maybe our triggers, the buttons, they poke for us. So then we get to show up with acceptance, maybe forgiveness, but show up in a new way which can radically shift the whole dynamic. And a lot of times too, when we do that, people are like what are you doing? Or if we soften, naturally they will kind of match and mirror and soften as well.
Speaker 2:So now I'm putting to the test real quick. Right, let's talk about the me and Rebecca relationship. Okay, rebecca is a very serious person. She is just you know. This is the path it's written. I'm going to follow the instructions.
Speaker 4:I follow the rules.
Speaker 2:I'm not going to bear off the path, and I'm a little completely opposite, okay.
Speaker 4:It was all over the place.
Speaker 2:We'll never get there. Our biggest struggle is my tumor. I have a laugh through trauma.
Speaker 4:It's a blessing and a curse.
Speaker 2:Right? No, I laugh my way through trauma. So because I laugh my way through trauma, now I laugh my way through life. So everything can be turned into a joke, and Rebecca's always really offended about it, right?
Speaker 4:Not always.
Speaker 2:She like picks and choose when she wants to be offended by you, right.
Speaker 4:You know, I don't even pick and choose, it just happens.
Speaker 2:Okay, so yes, so we have a trigger right, so we but I guess it's like now, because it's always my one concern when it comes to our relationship, because we click every other kind of way, like when you talk about soulmate. I was like, okay, god, why this couldn't be in a six? To Puerto Rico with a six pack? You know some green eyes.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:But no, it was a form of Rebecca. But you know, it's like I feel like I met my tribe, but I'm also still me and we're so different. So it's it's trying to respect her boundaries, but still also myself. That's my challenge, my battle in our relationship.
Speaker 3:Okay. So I love that you guys have awareness. That's the first place to start right. Until we're aware of something, or aware of the dynamic playing out, there's nothing we can do about it. We have great awareness on that, though. So a couple of ways that you would work this is from one aspect, rebecca. We would look at what is the trigger, what does it bring up? So are we okay to dive into it a little bit? Can we talk about it? Yeah Right, it's fair game because you guys brought it up. Okay. So when, when that's occurring, rebecca, what does it bring up for you, or what does it make you feel in those moments?
Speaker 4:Well, it depends on what he says. So I got to think of an example of what he may have said at a moment.
Speaker 2:Give me an example of oh my God, there's so many, I know I know, I know the moment.
Speaker 3:we need to recall one right.
Speaker 4:Like um, if there's something like, for instance, he'll joke about my intelligence. Um, that's often. That's often one that gets me Um. Wait, how do I do that, though? It hasn't been a while.
Speaker 2:Oh, because I know she likes to correct my grandma.
Speaker 4:Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2:So I always do make the like. I know I'd make a lot of comments about that. Does that like bother you with those times?
Speaker 2:Okay so that would be a good example, like I can send a text or like I can send an email and I'll call Rebecca over to proofread me, because I know that she's going to find the little, the littlest thing. She is going to find it Okay, and she finds it, and to me I just think it's funny, but I don't. I guess I joke about a lot, but it's never. It's like my intention is not to hurt or you know, it's like I don't know.
Speaker 3:And he jokes about it in a down-putting way on your intelligence or what. What's an example of what would be said.
Speaker 4:Yeah, Um, I was. I'm trying to think of this one particular example. Um, we were in the lunch room and all of us were at lunch one time.
Speaker 2:And that's another thing. So it also depends on who's around.
Speaker 4:If it's an entire group and everybody feeds in on it, then it maximizes my reaction.
Speaker 2:But I am also a fair game person, so everybody in that room gets it you know right, Not like you're just picking on one person, right?
Speaker 3:We're dishing it out accordingly.
Speaker 4:No, no, that's the. In this particular situation it was kind of that, but it's not always that. But, um, but if, if, like Micah, for instance, starts this joke and everybody jumps on the bandwagon and I look like this big, then that's it for me. Um, I will literally leave the room, go to my office, slam the door and I will not speak. That's like the end of it for me. And it's not that anybody intended to hurt my feelings or bother me, and it might not have been a big deal but that they insulted mine. In that moment it was my intelligence, Um, but it's not always that. There are other moments where Micah could very easily just get under her skin so quickly.
Speaker 4:Backhandedly insult me, and he doesn't even know it.
Speaker 2:Well, once again I do it, I do it to everybody, I just want to make it clear no, he doesn't he doesn't.
Speaker 4:Okay, okay Than anybody.
Speaker 3:Well, and it sounds like, proximity wise, you guys probably are spending even more time together. Would that be fair? So there's more opportunity available for it to be coming your way, okay, so a couple of things it sounds like and that you're aware of. Is, micah, one of the things that you learn to get through life with humor, right, like it is one of your tools in your toolbox, whether we're numbing out, whether we're avoiding, whether it sounds like this is a tool for you. So we're aware of that and it sounds like you have awareness and compassion for that, right, rebecca, but it's still hurt sometimes, yeah, right.
Speaker 3:So one of the things I think is beautiful to explore here is so often in relationships all relationships, romantic friendships, mother daughter is a lot of times when we're upset, we stay on the surface Like this thing is happening and this thing is upsetting me, and then we kind of get stuck here. But really what we want to do is we want to go like a layer underneath, like when this happens, what it's making me feel is what that's reminding me of from my past. Is, you know, so, with this example, something good to dig into? It would be okay. So you're feeling this big you said you know and like, your intelligence is in question. And then what does that remind you of, or when's other times that you've possibly felt that way, or how does that make you feel when you're feeling small?
Speaker 4:And well, well, well, well well At times. I suppose not any other time when I'm with Micah, for instance, only when he's joking around, but outside of this atmosphere or at home, I could say there are moments that my husband gives me a few challenges in that area in general not to be too specific out here in the world Totally.
Speaker 3:Totally. We don't have to bring it all out, you know.
Speaker 4:but let's not do that. Yeah, but even in my childhood it was a challenge because I was one of five children and in the middle of two sets of twins, so it was a challenge to be present, to be seen, yeah, you know. So, to feel this big, it was kind of a normal day.
Speaker 3:Totally, and I imagine that it didn't feel good, though right, even though that was a normal day. That really didn't feel good. And so what we can do in these moments when we can identify what does this remind us of? And yes, if we can go all the way back to childhood or to a younger time is great, because I would guess, even right now, when stuff's happening with your husband, it's hitting the same trigger that was set there much younger, right, and so, being middle child of two sets of twins, I imagine they're having each other right your feeling not seen, not important, not valued, probably, too, maybe you learn to cope by trying to do things that would allow you. Maybe your intelligence shows you've been a way that you did stand out, like at school, is that true? Yeah, so that became something really of value. And so now, when that's in question, we're right back there. We're right back to being young, in those moments where we're feeling like we can't get our needs met, we're not being seen, we're not being heard, we're not feeling important, and then it's hitting almost like a double trigger because this way that you learn to cope and to lean in and to stand out and maybe try to get some of that attention which was equated with like love, and back then love is survival, right, we need them to love us, to care for us. And so we're taken right back and like, often cut at the knees, whereas to somebody from the outside could look at it and just say, I don't understand, right, it's just, I'm just joking.
Speaker 3:But one of the things that's beautiful when we can kind of go a few layers deeper, there's a body of work called a MAGO Hardell Hendricks who actually does this work with couples. But it works with any couple, right, like it doesn't have to be romantic. It helps us understand for ourselves, because sometimes we don't even know. We know we feel a certain way, but we're not even sure. We're just I'm mad because you're not putting your socks in the laundry.
Speaker 3:But really it's like, well, when you don't put your socks in the laundry, how does that make me feel? Oh, it makes me feel like no one's helping me. Only I can count on me. I'm all alone. And so for us we can get this clarity of oh wow, I can see where it's coming from, I can see where it's actually rooted. And then two for our partner or our friend or whoever's with us. It gives them compassion and insight to see. Oh, wow, now I can understand where it's impacting you, you know, because a lot of times it's so easy for us to look at each other and be like, stop being so silly, right, but when we can help peel the layers, then it's like oh, I see, that's painful for you. That reminds you of when you were little and you couldn't, maybe you weren't getting your needs met, you didn't feel safe and all the things that can be wrapped up in that.
Speaker 4:Yeah, and at the same time I don't want people to stop feeling like they can't joke around with me, because you know I want to have that camaraderie and that fun and that you know, great relationship.
Speaker 2:I wasn't gonna stop but yeah, we was just listening to her phone with girl I mean Sam will be really good if she healed us on our first date you know.
Speaker 4:I mean I've gotten better. I understand him for who he is, you know, and how he's handled his traumas and his situation.
Speaker 2:So did you hear the emphasis she put on his like girl?
Speaker 4:they all know I got trauma, you ain't had to know, I just mean like I have adjusted to him, to you know, not so that I can feel okay, you know what I mean. And I've just I'm going to say compensated because I don't know any other word right now for everything, just so that I could be functional.
Speaker 3:Totally so. One of the beautiful things that you guys are doing right now, you have some awareness of each other and we're doing almost with choice and willpower of like I want to be okay, I'm trying to be okay, I'm working to make it feel okay in my body and in my system. One of the other things that would be a fun exploration is if doing processing work and when I say processing work, hypnotherapy, emdr parts, integration, internal family systems some of these different modalities that help us not just so I love talk therapy and it can be beautiful, but sometimes when we only talk about an idea, we can loop in the idea, we can even reinforce some of the neural pathways right, we can be in the story of it. But when we can do some of these modalities that allow us to sort of communicate with the parts or what's in our operating system on the unconscious level, we can work to heal and integrate some of these fractured parts. And when I say a fractured part, like, let's say, we're born perfect and whole, believing that we're worthy and deserving, and then we start living life, things start happening, life experience, we start to have beliefs about ourselves, whether that was told to us, whether we observed it, whether we made it true and moments can happen. We can say trauma, or we could say just little moments that were impactful for the child, that maybe as an adult we'd look back and think no big deal. But when those moments happen, a part of us will fracture and it almost creates its own set of beliefs and operating system because in the moment, whatever it decided to do to cope was helpful, it worked. But maybe now that pattern is not serving us.
Speaker 3:You know, a good example would be, let's say, a little one's three years old in the crib crying. No one comes. Maybe mom doesn't come though, because she's using the restroom or she's, she, just she doesn't hear. Well, in that moment the three year old says no one's coming and they can learn to self soothe, right. So it can. It can benefit in the moment because, okay, I'm going to calm myself down, I'm going to learn to stop crying. But the negative of that could be later in life. I can't count on people, I don't let them in, I don't, I don't ask for help, I don't trust you know. So we go through life and these parts can happen right.
Speaker 3:So likely when you were younger, rebecca. There's a part that says this is what I need to do to be okay, or this is the part that was so painful, I don't want to operate here. And then, micah, you have those parts too. That said, ooh, a good, a good way is humor, a good way to look at this or to deal with this is humor.
Speaker 3:So both of you, if you went back and sort of did some of this regression based work to work those parts, likely it would be less of a trigger. You know so, because there is a reality where he does that and you feel so certain that, no, of course you're intelligent. The evidence shows that he values it. He wants you to proofread all the emails, but yet it still pings a little bit. You know so, when we like work that part, then we can get to this place where it does sort of roll off like water on a back versus getting in right. Because when something triggers us, there's something within us that resonates on some level. Even if it's just a teeny little sliver right, somehow it gets in and it has impact. So when we both individually work those pieces, then we come together, then we get to react and interact in a whole new way.
Speaker 4:So you're saying at any time, you bring laughter or jokes to every situation you're triggered.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 4:No.
Speaker 2:I just think I'm funny.
Speaker 4:I think that is always laughing, always bringing the laughter, but you know what it's?
Speaker 2:funny though. So I'm confused Right now. I'm about to be serious though, because it just made me think about your scenario you gave about the three-year-old crying. So it just makes me think about all the fractures we have that we don't know we have, you know. And then because in that situation it was like he was saying the mom can be in the bathroom using the bathroom, so there's no way that she could have got to the baby. So these are, like now, things that are not intentional, you know. So I guess you just taught me that it doesn't have to be hurtful or a fracture only if it's intentional Does that make sense Totally and you're a thousand percent right.
Speaker 3:My clients are often surprised when we do this work, what memories come up. You know it's like, oh my gosh, I haven't thought about that in years or I didn't realize that had such impact. You know, not getting picked for a sports team, or you know these things that as an adult we can look back. Another one that's common is dad wasn't around because dad was working. Well, as an adult we say well, dad was working because he wanted to provide and give more money. But as a seven-year-old you may think if I was smarter, if I could try harder, if I was more worthy or deserving, he'd be around.
Speaker 3:Because we just don't know and have all the understanding of the world. So it could be something even well-intentioned, like dad going to work for the family. But somehow, because little children are meaning-making creatures, we're the center of our universe we make it all about us Not being good enough, being wrong, not pretty enough, whatever the things may be. So oftentimes I would say we know and usually have awareness on the overt traumatic things, the big stuff that happens, but yeah, those smaller moments we often don't think about it or we're like, oh, that couldn't possibly, but yes, it could be totally an accident that it occurred but still have impact. And that's where it's beautiful to get curious, because then we can work through that.
Speaker 4:Hmm, okay, thank you for that. That's very good.
Speaker 2:Okay, sam, I see. So now let's go, let's talk about so. Basically, in my head, you are a writer's block coach for life. Oh, you know.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we can say that Sure.
Speaker 2:You know it. Would that actually kind of describe it like you help people get through those blocks that they're having?
Speaker 3:Totally it's, it's whatever the thing is that's coming up. You know people at different levels, right, depending on where we're at in life, but people wanting to get to that next level in business or that next level in connection, or they can't figure out why their relationships aren't working, or strapped traders that are risk averse or things that are hindering them in some sort of way, and they aren't always aware why. Right, maybe it's anxiety, maybe it's more sort of stricken, not strange, different, not as common things, you know. So all different stuff, it's yeah, where are we at? Okay, cool, do we know where that's coming from? Some people have an idea, and this is a don't, but it's that being open and leaning in and through the process of like the regression based modalities, and I sort of use a blend.
Speaker 3:When I first got into this field I am not a licensed therapist, I am not a doctor so I had severe imposter syndrome of like how, what if I can't help? So what I did is trained in like every modality, just all of them, just you know, because I kept thinking. I had such an obsession of wanting to deliver powerful, lasting, fast results but kept thinking, well, what if? What if? The secret key to the sauce is like over there. So I'm like, okay, I should take that course, I should take that course, I should take that course, and yeah, so that's led.
Speaker 3:The beauty of that, though, is now, no matter where somebody's at, and some people are more rigid. Some people are good feelers, some people aren't good feelers at all. People are better thinkers. So, no matter where somebody is at in their system or their constitution, usually I have a tool to help them find their gateway right, their gateway into feeling, again into their body, because I don't know if you guys have experienced this, but so often I remember, on my journey, this, how it started therapist said how do you feel? I responded with well, I think, and she said that's not what I asked. And I said then I don't know, you know, just a total disconnection, right, a disassociation.
Speaker 3:So being able to help people get back in touch with that and sort of find that, and find the places where they've numbed out or shut things off, or closed off to certain things, and learn where are they coping, what are they doing, and, yeah, how is it not serving? And then, what do we want to do to reinstall that program, you know, because often too, we are running on an operating system. We did not choose our design. We observed it, we learned it, we saw it through modeling, and it's usually not taking us. It may have taken us to here, but where we want to go, what got us here is not going to get us there. So we have to get an intention on what do we want, what do we want to believe, what do we want to know. Do we still have hope and possibility for what it is that we want? And then get clear on how do we go there, and so healing or clearing that writer's block, if you will.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we know it's pretty, pretty crazy, right, because Puerto Ricans are very suspicious and like it's weird to be having this conversation, because I never considered like a door blockage, like not being able to open a door until recently. So we're just very suspicious and I actually been. The podcast has been very successful, kind of almost unbelievably successful. It's like is this real? Like I can't quit my day job yet but we're on the way right.
Speaker 3:We're believing as possible Starts with belief.
Speaker 2:Definitely, definitely, and damn, I forgot my point.
Speaker 3:Podcast suspicious Puerto Ricans are suspicious.
Speaker 2:Super suspicious.
Speaker 3:Super suspicious.
Speaker 4:I was wondering about the suspicious thing.
Speaker 2:I was like oh, I'm suspicious, I'll follow, so anyway. So I kind of, and then kind of, since like the success of the podcast, you know, was promoting it, those kind of things which also get like you're bragging or you know, you get a lot of negative things for people and so I haven't had like the positive support from a lot of people like I thought I would have. You know, a lot of people are like hating or that. I'm crazy, it's just weird Anyway. But then like my health started declining and I started getting sick and then all of us starting in a sick and you know, so to me just in our belief, is like, hey, someone's wishing battle, you know so now I had in my mind like I need to find a witch doctor, get some cleanses and get some of these things and right, right, license age.
Speaker 2:So so I start on my search. So it was pretty funny. Everybody was telling me about this woman and find this woman, find this woman. She was really big known. I'm not going to mention her because we don't support anybody unless they pay us, no, I'm just. But I couldn't find her.
Speaker 2:But in my I found somebody else and she was Puerto Rican and I just felt like, because she was Puerto Rican, cool connection, let's do this. So we're like talking on video chat or whatever, and I was just telling her kind of you know, I've been feeling like people are just wishing bad on me. And she says she told me, no, that that wasn't the case. I just wasn't open in the right doors, you know, and it was. And it was kind of you know. And she also said that people were hoping that I didn't open the right doors. But it wasn't so much about like wishing that I didn't go like, it was like I didn't know how to go further. I needed help to go further, like I needed to believe, kind of kind of like you're saying, but, like, my clans needed to come at that point where doors needed to be open.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:Because you know, like I said, we are superstitious. It's funny, I was talking to my mom about it the other day and she was like I don't want to believe in that too much because if we give power to it then it happens and yada, yada, yada and it's like, yeah, but these doors still ain't opening. So what I gotta do to open these doors?
Speaker 3:Right, right, okay. So I think one of the things is, yeah, getting curious to what else is possible, right. And sometimes we get so fixated on it it needs to be this door or this thing has to happen Right Now. I think believing it's possible is really important from a couple things. If we're talking from the more belief, superstition, spiritual side, law of attraction right, we could talk about law of attraction or manifesting what's our vibration, what's our frequency. And if we're like a magnet, are we vibrating here and going to track that good stuff? Are we here? And then also, through psychology, one of the things that it'll say is we find what we're looking for.
Speaker 3:You know, I don't know if you guys have ever bought a car and all of a sudden you're driving down the road in your new car and then you notice that everybody's driving in one of those cars and you're wondering is there a sale on them? But before you know, it just wasn't in your awareness, you know. And so same type of things. Sometimes if we're thinking, oh, it's not going to work, it's not going to work, it's not going to work, it's almost like we're queuing in our particular activating system to say find me that evidence, right. So I think I'm one that plays in both realms spirituality, energetic and psychology. I have trained in a lot of them. Again, that imposter syndrome led me down this path and this path I was like energy work. I mean, it's energy work, you know so it's the culmination of all that. But I think so. Where are you at now, with the doors being open, or how are we feeling today?
Speaker 2:I don't know. I mean still, it's still kind of new. This is like just recent. Okay, I just got my little bath kit the other day that I'm supposed to take a bath with, and it's just, you know, herbs and stuff that's going to stink and I'm going to hate it, but I'm going to do it.
Speaker 4:He is a little bit, still quite negative ish. Yeah, today he just said it before we left work, because we work our day jobs together, unfortunately, For now, for now.
Speaker 3:For now we work our day jobs for now.
Speaker 2:And it's not that I don't appreciate the day job, you know that's another superstition thing Always feel like bye, say something negative, that I'm taking it for granted.
Speaker 3:Hmm, well, and we could say, we could say it's superstitious, or we could say it's a beautiful habit and trait to have. Right, because I think Gratitude is something beautiful. Right, you may not want it forever, and you're still very grateful to be able to be in that space right now.
Speaker 2:I know, but I feel like, as humans, we should be entitled to have those moments without fear of consequence, like I should be able to be. Like this job is some bullshit.
Speaker 3:Okay, you know, that's a, that's a good, that's a good distinction that it's coming from a place of fear, not a place of gratitude.
Speaker 4:Say Okay yes, and there their superstitions are wearing off on me because this they have this thing about putting your purse on the floor. So I don't, you know.
Speaker 3:Do you get her purse? Look for Christmas trees.
Speaker 2:I should, but I'm like she has like a million places to put her purse. Why is it always on the floor? My mom does not play about them, person I don't put it there anymore, but one.
Speaker 4:One day I had let our assistant borrow a hat for her daughter to wear to school or whatever. Well, she had brought it back and I was just annoyed with it. It was on my desk but I was just gonna go fling it off and I was gonna throw it on the floor. Well, I couldn't. I called him up and I said okay, is there any superstition about a hat?
Speaker 3:What's that? Tell me what that hat means and you know what?
Speaker 2:we, our offices are close and she like teams video calls me. Yeah, like it's not, even like it's a phone calls, like on teams, we needed to see each other. She was like are there any Puerto Rican superstitions about putting a hat on the floor? And I was like I think there is, don't do it.
Speaker 3:Okay, just win and doubt, don't. The floor is not a happy place for things.
Speaker 2:Right like walk on that floor. That's nasty, you know, and I always go further and think about like they just came out of the bathroom and you know, especially for men, they never make it in the urinal. It be here. It's a whole different conversation, sorry.
Speaker 4:So I was gonna ask you I saw that you do one-on-one sessions, but you do also do group sessions. Yes, how does that group session, or what does that group session, look like?
Speaker 3:Totally thing for asking. It varies a little bit. So in the one, the thing that's neat about one-on-one is we're whatever we're doing, we're custom tailoring it to you. And the thing about group is many of us have similar parts or beliefs Maybe not feeling loved or worthy of love, or some self-worth or feeling good enough. You know, there's some common threads that a lot of us have pieces and aspects of. So when we do group stuff Kind of depends. It's a variety.
Speaker 3:Sometimes we can be talking strategy, sometimes we can talk visioning. Right, that initial part of like, where are we at now? Like let's take inventory of where we're at right now and then get clear on where we want to be going and what are some of the things that we need to be doing. So some of the practical things more on the cognitive behavioral therapy side, right, what are our habits, what are our past, what are the things we want to do? And then, if we're working some of the belief work, some of the mindset stuff, we're taking a group through a more general process, you know. So I'm not gonna be able to say, okay, so specifically, tell me the memory, and you're gonna respond to me and say, oh well, it reminds me of when I was five, this time with my mom, and then we're gonna work with that. But I am going to take a group through and say I want you to allow yourself to drift. Now, I want you to drift and I want you to allow yourself to find that memory. So everybody's sort of having their own experience. And then I'm taking them through. Okay, I want you to make sure that they know that they're safe, they know that they're loved or whatever Pertains to what aspect it is we're working. So what's neat about that is, of course, we can just help more people at one time, you know, and there's still massive benefit and impact.
Speaker 3:The other thing that's nice about group two is Often a lot of our wounding occurred in isolation. Right, we're by ourselves. A lot of the wounding is abandonment, you know. So one day I was like actually it was interesting, it was a mentor of mine talking about something. I'm like, you know, our healing occurs in isolation, like it would only make sense that we heal in group. I'm like why am I not doing group? What is happening? Oh, that's beautiful advice. Let me take that. And so there's a community. That comes with that too, which is really neat.
Speaker 3:Right, there's the aspect of what I'm able to do as a leader and help, lead and guide through, but then also the support and the bonds that are made, which, when I first got into this industry and joined my first group, I underestimated the value of camaraderie and, like support and, mike, like you were saying, you're wanting to share and you're not always getting the responses that maybe you were hoping for, you know, but sometimes when we can find that tribe or enter into the right group, it's about uplifting, it's about helping achieve big things, because it's other like-minded people with big goals, big ambitions, aware that we've all got some baggage Right that we're wanting to release, you know, and so it's.
Speaker 3:It's really a beautiful container from that place. You know, growing up I didn't it will work kind of mean, you know, especially women to me, and it wasn't until really until adulthood that I was like, oh, support each other. You know, it was much more a scarcity, fear-based. You win, I win, you know, and now I. Well, there's millions, billions of people. There's enough for everybody, no matter what we're doing. You know, your podcast could be wildly successful and so could somebody else's right and and starting to see, there's enough sponsors for both. There's enough money for both, you know, and so I feel like that was long-winded answer to what's group look like.
Speaker 2:But yeah, yeah, because it's a big. You know, it's a big thing that we teach, or that we try to teach, on this podcast. Is that? No, healing doesn't look the same for everybody.
Speaker 2:Totally you know, and I feel like it's the same thing for success. It doesn't look the same for everybody, you know. So it's like what you said. Yeah, I was making perfect sense. And that car thing, the thing you said about the cars, that was pretty Don't. I never looked at it that way about not until you get a car, do you see a whole bunch of cars like yours and you're like, damn, everybody got this car.
Speaker 3:Interesting because they were all there before but we just didn't have the system on right, we weren't instructing it. And Rebecca, your mom, right, you have kids. Yeah, you know, I don't know if you felt that way. Being pregnant, I never noticed a pregnant person and then I was like, is there something in the water?
Speaker 4:like yeah, that's so true.
Speaker 2:I thought so I was pregnant. Yeah, I'm not gonna leave me out.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no, no, because again it's in your awareness, right? So like now it's, it's. Oh, of course, there was always pregnant people, but now it's like we're honing in, laser beaming and it registers for us.
Speaker 2:So true so now a lot of our viewers, or like our main audience, are people who Know that they can need some help but still think if they go to therapists they're crazy, mm-hmm, so they're at that point in life, which is why I think it's really cool that we bring on, you know, people such as yourself, because it's not traditional therapy. You're not gonna say here, take this, ola, often call me in the morning, so no, we're gonna find methods.
Speaker 2:But you know now what is your plea to them about how important it is to kind of look into some of these methods and and kind of take care of some of those fractures that yeah, yeah, you know, have you to be taking.
Speaker 3:We all have them. Even if childhood people could look back and say childhood was amazing, it was blissful again. It's that little big tea trauma, little tea trauma, or small incidents and impacts, and it's if we're not exactly where we want to be, having everything that we want to have, feeling the exact way we want to feel, there's room for some support because there's something that is preventing or hindering us from getting there or preventing us from getting there as fast, you know, and it is really unfortunate that there's a societal stigma I would say is prior to originally came from that. This is what you do when you're real messed up. Right, that things need to be real off track to be able to do this. But what's interesting and I like to tell people is you know, if we wanted to be a doctor, we go to med school. If we want to learn to do something better, we hire someone to help us. We can learn by trial and error, but it's slower and more painful. Or we can hire somebody to help us. See, here, here's the way to go. We can go faster and with more ease. So it's, you know, and we just can't. The analogy. You know, when we're like in the forest, we can't see out of the trees, it's just somebody that can offer a different perspective and be there for us in a way that maybe we haven't had just a space to share or To unload.
Speaker 3:You know, oftentimes to our society really gives a badge of honor of like hustle, grind, work hard or burn it at both ends. You should wear that as a badge. We get depleted, we get, we neglect our needs. Oftentimes we are not taught the things that we really need to have a successful life in school. It's like let's learn calculus in Latin, okay, never, never, use that again, you know.
Speaker 3:But like how do we, how do we love ourselves? How do we have successful relationships? How do we vision Goal set? What's the importance? How do we look at productivity, organization? These are things that we just weren't taught. So it's really resourceful to say, okay, I want to do things different in my life and this is, I think, a big one for people. There's a story that's like oh, if you're strong, you should do it by yourself, you know, and I just feel like unfortunately we have gone away from the sort of tribe Community mentality and I would love to see that come back of like no, you get to lean in, you get to be supported, we get to rise and lift each other up.
Speaker 2:So Men can cry yes. I just wanted to add that in there. I kind of was just having a conversation earlier with a man that was telling me his wife always told him like oh, don't be a little bitch, men don't cry. It was like you need to find a new wife. It's okay for men to cry.
Speaker 3:It's okay, expressing emotion is so important and it's informative, right? But yes, so often unfortunately in society, with each other, we've learned to shame certain things or say this is what you do, this is what you don't do, this is what you should do, this is what you shouldn't, and really it's like no, could we lean in? Like, please, for my husband, I'm like when he can be vulnerable and soft and show like you want me to be more turned on. Like, tell me about your inner world, right? Like, because you get to feel you know the kids in the wake, you get to feel close, you get to feel connected and when we can, if we're all just rigid, we have no idea what's happening for each other.
Speaker 3:If I do something and it offends you, you don't know that I'm actually barely holding it together, right, that I'm just on the verge of making it through our day, and so many of us unfortunately are. But then we have shame around saying that, shame around sharing, you know, and when we can just share and put it out there, oftentimes our community, our friends, our family want to support us. You know, but we don't know and, again, we weren't really taught. This is a beautiful, amazing thing. Sharing emotions is a beautiful, amazing thing. Letting tears out and this is the thing too, I think. Emotions scare people because we're not good at processing them, so we tuck them down. Because sometimes I think two people think oh, if I crack, the floodgates are gonna open and who knows what's gonna come out.
Speaker 2:Right, right and let it come out. I tell you, I went through trauma by myself, so I decided I wanted to go through healing by myself, which is the most ridiculous thing to do. I wish that I knew someone like you then to tell me do not do it by yourself, because there was some dark places in my life and at the end of visiting all that and opening it back up, I was like, who wants to live in this world? And I wasn't suicidal, but I also wasn't had to to live life and it was. I had to climb myself out of there too, which I did, and I just started to realize that people are people, kind of what you said. People go through what they go through. I do legitimately love everybody. It is probably one of my worst features right now, because you can stab me and I'd be like it's okay. He slipped.
Speaker 4:Another one of those blessings and purses for him Such a big heart.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but my issue now, though, is, I guess, beliefs. They're like beliefs in me Look who gave me. They're beliefs that are kind of like instilled in me, I think, since I was little religious beliefs. Okay, I go through a lot of, I guess, shame or not so much shame, I don't know. It's like I had pneumonia, probably still have pneumonia, and I've been working because I felt like, oh, I just can't leave my job and need to be working.
Speaker 4:Well, I had COVID last week.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she had COVID last week but I worked through pneumonia where I actually had to go get intravenous antibiotics because my lung is crazy, and I worked sacrificing myself for a place that would replace me tomorrow. I know this, I know they were replaced with me tomorrow, but somehow I still could not not go to work, like I knew they needed me and I knew to be there, and it was so much guilt about being sick that that's like now what I'm trying to work on, like that belief that everything I do is sinful or it's going to be deemed punishment and I have to give away all my money to charity or to anybody who asks and that I need to feed the hungry and close the cold and we can keep going. But I feel like not that I'm trying to be Jesus or nothing, but he was a pretty sheesh. Being a good person requires a lot right now.
Speaker 3:Totally, and that sounds a little bit and you tell me if this resonates. A pattern that so many of us have is sacrificing self for other because we feel that we have to or that we should, and really it's that whole. We got to put on our oxygen mask first before we can help others. So, getting curious, and I would invite you first. I'm sorry that you went on a dark path and I love that you have come out of it and that you did do that by yourself, but that you are where you are and I don't know if you're still at that part of the journey where you're wanting to do it by yourself. But yeah, some of these pieces and these beliefs, being able to do some sessions around, what is the root and where does that come from and how do you rewrite that and reparent it? Because it sounds like it's a big one for you and it would really blanket impact so many things. Because you are sick. We need you to take care of you so that you can come back right.
Speaker 2:But I know it's religion, though I know it's religion it's God. I have this issue with God. I just don't understand God and the concept. I'm sorry, I know we're supposed to talk about that, but you know it's just-.
Speaker 3:Well, and it sounds like too, and I don't know if this is true, you tell me, but it may not even be God so much, but more the structures and the way that you were told God existed and that you had to be to have His love, acceptance and saving, you know? So that it's really the religious structure, possibly more so than the whole concept itself.
Speaker 2:And I think it has a lot to do with my confusion, and I believe there's a higher power that exists. I just don't believe it's like everybody thinks it is. It's like I don't wanna believe in the God that I have to confess my sins to. Every single time I make a sin, kind of you know, I feel like I don't know. I feel like my God will want me to be happy on this earth.
Speaker 3:You know like I should have happiness and success now, totally and that maybe he is about it sounds like for you love and forgiveness and happiness, and if he's about those things, then wouldn't he want these? And where there could be some confusion around the other half of the story, right Cause people kill me with that God saves this stuff in battles for His strongest warriors.
Speaker 2:And I'm like I did not ask to be a warrior. They said free will, okay, he didn't come down and say, hey, can I give you this battle? So I don't know. I'll be confused. I'm sorry, sam.
Speaker 4:Sam is like we are not getting this conversation. We are not getting this conversation Back to Sam.
Speaker 2:So, sam, we don't have a book yet, are we not?
Speaker 3:No book yet. You know, a few years ago I was like I have to write a book. I'm going to write a book. I'm going to call it chasing happiness, because I, in my story, went from like very young, very successful, I was running a medical company, I had great friends, I was traveling the world. It looked good, right, climbing Kilimanjaro, flying fighter jets, doing all this crazy stuff. Turned out, though, I was miserable and super depressed. Nobody would have ever known, though, right, cause I kept just doing. The hindsight. I now realize I was so numb that it was like I was adrenaline. Ooh, you know what I need to do? Climb Kilimanjaro, cause then I'll feel something. Ooh, maybe if I go skydiving, maybe that's the thing. And it was chasing happiness in that next thing. And then the Jonas brothers made a movie and called it chasing happiness. So now I feel like I need to call it something else.
Speaker 2:On this, brothers, damn it, you know.
Speaker 3:I soothed on that when I first thought about it.
Speaker 2:Isn't that good looking, no more.
Speaker 3:Right. So I have not written a book yet. It is on the list, so I will report back when I do. But yes, Right now.
Speaker 2:it's Definitely want to read it.
Speaker 4:Oh geez. So, now in the credits it's going to be. This is for Micah.
Speaker 2:That's right. This book is just for you. But no trust, it's a lot, of, a lot of good things I'm hearing now I'm like I might need a couple of sessions and get my life together. But is there a part, is there a like, a point in a person's life where you will be more beneficial?
Speaker 3:That's a beautiful question and actually I don't know that I've ever been asked that. I think it's when the person has enough awareness to know that they're interested in willing to do something different, because before then they may just think and I was stuck in this place, I wasn't excited about life, but I honestly I thought, oh well, I guess that's being an adult Cause. That's kind of just what I saw. Right, my model was my parents didn't love their jobs. They did them and it seemed more like oh, we're doing this thing and here we go. So when I was at this place, I remember waking up and not being excited, not suicidal, not so depressed, but like, hmm, I guess this is it Right, like I've arrived, welcome to adulthood. And then it wasn't. And even when I first realized I was depressed, I did. I feel like, which many people would do. I'm like, is there a pill for that? Like you know, like this sounds messy, like what's. Like you know.
Speaker 2:Like a mask. They don't want TV. You do the woman walk around with the mask and then she takes the pills and the mask is gone. Now You're like I'd be one of them. Pills.
Speaker 3:Right, I'm like I'm so happy now, you know. So I went that route first, and then, actually, I had a son. I feel like it was my universal intervention universal God, whatever you want to say. So I was in this pattern of chasing happiness right and sort of running from things, and then I got pregnant. It was a beautiful surprise. They had actually told me that I would. Probably it'd be really hard for me to have kids. I had fertility issues, and so I feel like this was this you gotta stop running, you know. And then it was like, well, I'm not gonna take these things that I don't know how it impacts, and so that was the okay. What do I really want to get clear on that? I want my child to believe in know as possible, and then really started the exploration of.
Speaker 3:Oh wow, I've been living my whole life driven by fear, and for other people, one of the people would think what was gonna happen to me? Being addicted to achievement, because that associated that with love, and then going down that pathway. So I think, though, to answer that question is prior to that. I don't know. I had even been to therapy because I had an eating disorder for 10 years, and I can remember sitting across from therapists Some of it. I think maybe they weren't the best, but just maybe also too, if I'm gonna take some ownership, maybe I wasn't in the right place to be open to what they had to offer. So I think it's really that okay I'm here, I'm in a neth discomfort or dis-ease that I wanna do it different, whatever age that may be, cause I do have clients that span from young to older and all in between. You know it's never too late and it's never too early, as long as you're interested in aware.
Speaker 4:That's right, yeah, and to kind of add a little bit to that, my own little two cents. In looking at your website and so forth, a word that pops out pretty profoundly to me is ambitious. You use that word often and I feel like, even if you are mentally in the right place, you have to be ambitious enough to take this step.
Speaker 3:Totally.
Speaker 4:Because I myself am mentally in the right place and want to get myself in the place I wanna be emotionally and mentally, but I'm not nearly ambitious enough.
Speaker 3:What makes you say that?
Speaker 4:Well, I say that mainly because I'm not ambitious enough to To. For instance, I have asked myself to promise to drink more water each day. Okay, small things. Or I've tried to convince myself to Get up off of my chair, from my desk and maybe walk around the office every little bit every hour. I Don't do that. So if I can commit or get a little bit more ambition just to do those small things, there's no way I'm going to commit to a session with you once a week and Really get deep, you know, and get to the bottom of my my issues. So Ambition, it's gonna have to be there too. So what?
Speaker 3:Totally, totally. And one thing that I guess I would invite you to do is sometimes more looking to change those things more water or the exercise. We're doing it based on willpower. Sometimes, right, we're either moving away from pain or towards pleasure, right, that's sort of our motivation system, and so If the pleasure of right now it might not be super clear of like, well, okay, I'll be more hydrated, but I don't know, is it appealing enough, is the motivation Okay, we know in our mind we might feel better, we might do these things. So we're looking to change a habit. But we got to get really clear on like why do we want it right? If the why is not strong for us, we're likely not gonna do it right. So one thing I would say about that is, you know, getting clear and then also to it. We're doing it pushing with like willpower versus being. If we can get really clear on the why, then we can be pulled towards Towards something rather than trying to push ourselves towards it.
Speaker 3:The other thing I would say is, when you're doing sessions with somebody, you don't have to do it by yourself, and so you don't have to do it based on willpower. You get to if you're. You do have to be willing to show up, right. You do have to be ambitious enough to say I'm willing to be here and I'm willing to be open.
Speaker 3:But the beautiful thing, I think, and one of my favorite things with working, is you don't have to lead in that moment, right, you get to be with somebody on a journey. You get to be with someone and sort of lean in and relax and help them. Help you find of course it's about you are the guide, because it's your system, it's your own internal wisdom and we're just gonna uncover that, right. But I think something that's so powerful is you don't have to do it by yourself, it doesn't have to be just setting alarms, just remembering. You know, I think it's the. You get to show up and you get to be like, held and supported, maybe in a way that you haven't gotten to experience before in life. And even that aspect can be so healing Having somebody that really is there, attentive, available to see us, to hear us, to let us know that we are valued and we are important, and Repattern maybe some of those things that have a contrary belief or story based on how we grew up.
Speaker 4:So I'm so, mm-hmm, right, right. Sometimes I could just fill it in, but not on that.
Speaker 2:No, no, because basically, like I heard, like it's not, it's not about. This is what I heard now, which means other people heard it too. Right, but it's like, it's not about you know, like you, I need to drink more water. You're like find a why. It's always like is it that the why is still the same? It's just the water is not the means to get to the wire.
Speaker 3:Well, okay, so tell me, why do we want to drink more water?
Speaker 4:Well, for a lot of reasons, but Definitely to be more healthy, but it just overall, just To cleanse my body, to make it more healthy, beautiful.
Speaker 3:So if we can go you know how we like to dig deep, right, we like to go a little bit deeper. If we can go just from the physical thing and we can go to the emotional thing, it's gonna give us more pull. Okay. So if we're healthier and if we cleanse our body, what does that give us or allow us to have?
Speaker 4:Give us or allow us to have a Better lifestyle.
Speaker 3:Totally, we can have better lifestyle, and if we have a better lifestyle and maybe we have more energy or more stuff available, what does that allow us to have?
Speaker 4:Better relationships totally.
Speaker 3:And if we have better relationships, what does that give us? A threesome possibly a threesome.
Speaker 3:Happiness happiness, more time with our kids, maybe we have more energy, maybe more, more vibrant, maybe we get to be with our grand kids more, you know. So if we can sort of look like right now it's just like, okay, let's have more water, I got a pee more often. This is sort of inconvenient. I don't love it, you know. But if we can look at, okay, well, you know what, it's gonna help cleanse my body. If I cleanse my body, I'm gonna be healthier. If I'm healthier, I'm gonna have better lifestyle, a better lifestyle and have better relationships. And then we get to like okay, there can usually be a reason outside of ourselves versus I should just do this.
Speaker 3:One of the other things that can be beneficial is we have intrinsic motivation why we are driven for ourselves, or extrinsic. Why would I do this for my kids? Why would I choose to drink more water? To take care of myself, so that I can be there for them? And sometimes that can help to assigning some value or meaning of like. If I choose to do this, who else does it benefit? Outside of me can be really helpful when we're working to set goals and to shift new habits.
Speaker 2:So it's basically like there's always a deeper meaning to why you want to do something and we just need to end that meaning.
Speaker 3:We just need to dig. I forget the original gentleman that did the exercise, but Dean Graziosi talks about it in his habit. It's millionaire book that I'm gonna Millionaire success habits, maybe it's his, it doesn't have his name on the edge. Anyways, he talks about seven layers deep and he got it from a gentleman that he worked with. So not to misplace credit here, but really talking about okay, I want to be driven, I want this podcast to go to replace my day job.
Speaker 3:What does it give us? Oh, it gives us financial freedom. Why is freedom important? Because when I was little, I didn't have a lot of safety, or I never want my kids to be that way. Right, and we start to dig like what does that give us, what does that allow us to have? And then it helps us uncover too Wow. And we go from our head to our heart when we do that. Right, we go from this analytical I should, I would into the what does that feel like? What does that give us? What does that us allows to have, to experience, to be Right, and then the goodness of life, the joy, the feelings, the happiness, the emotion.
Speaker 2:So what would be another word we can use other than dig? And I'm gonna tell you why. Okay, I ain't trying to lift no shovels and I ain't trying to get dirt.
Speaker 3:Well, I don't know, let's come up with one. Maybe it's uncover, discover.
Speaker 2:Discover. Okay, okay, sam, I see you get the snap. Thank you, thank you, you know, I'll just think about you. Know, we think about words and it's like getting dirty. And now I'm thinking about getting dirty with my emotions and I don't want to visit those emotions because you know so and so but. And so but is good like discovering yourself and that's so beautiful because words are powerful, right?
Speaker 3:So, especially if something doesn't resonate also to this, work doesn't have to be hard, right there, it could be a, it can be right. I don't want to tell people out there, I want to say I don't want to set a misnomer it can, there can be emotion, it can be intense, but it doesn't have to be hard and you can go at a pace which what feels good and comfortable for your system, right? Whether you're doing that on your own, you know we do it in a way that feels good. And, like you guys said, I think a very poignant point is it's not the same for everybody, right? So we will heal through dance art, you know it's what allows you to feel good and go do more of it, right? What doesn't feel good, get curious about why that is right, and then we can uncover and discover and look at what can we rewrite, what can we repattern, and you can do it. You can do it working with people. There's so many different modalities. So I think it's it's dabbling, it's finding your flavor.
Speaker 2:Okay, so now, anything that you want to tell our guests to convey, convey to our audience. Sorry that we didn't give you a chance to say, because I know I will take you everywhere, so when you came on this podcast, let's see.
Speaker 3:You know, I think a big point and we did cover it is really that just if you're not exactly where you want to be, don't be afraid to reach out and lean in, and maybe it starts reading a book or podcasts. You know, there's so much information available these days. But one of the things I think that's beautiful is, if you want to start somewhere and dip your toe in, try a group program, you know. Try something that doesn't even have to be one-on-one practitioner, you know. Or or sample. You know everything is dating. Nothing has to be scarier. This long-term commitment, it's like, you know, you get to try it out.
Speaker 3:The other thing that I would love to say in regards to relationship, romantic relationships more specifically, is I feel like one of the reasons I'm really passionate is because I feel like society in Hollywood sort of sells us a sack of shit that you're gonna meet each other and it's gonna be bliss and it's all gonna work out and it doesn't require effort. And if it starts to suck, it's them. You know, we don't see these messages of what is it within ourselves, what could we be doing differently? And one of the things I think that's interesting is okay when it comes to, let's have a healthy body, let's look the way we want people agree. Takes effort. I'm gonna eat healthy, I'm gonna go to the gym to be successful, to build something, to build a successful podcast. Takes effort, takes work. We sit down, we do it, we commit to it. So there's this generally agreed upon. Those things take effort.
Speaker 3:Yet, when it comes to a relationship, often there's this misnomer that it should just work and I say why? Right, it's another thing that has such an impact and ability to impact our happiness. Right, if things are great, often we can more bravely and courageously go out in the world, take more risks, do more things if we know we have that support system. If our relationships are tight, if not, or when these are, you know, in distress, life is harder, I imagine even to. If you guys are upset with each other, then you know maybe things, you, things, are just bumpier and it's all connected.
Speaker 3:So, really, looking at, okay, where can we see things, especially relationships? I think it's not talked about often enough with a new lens, right, where can we look at? Okay, am I showing up here like I showed up in the beginning? Am I showing up to give or have I switched to what am I getting? Because, you know, often in the beginning we show up to give, we do surprises, we delight our partner and then at some point we're like, well, they're not, what are you know? And we start to build all these little stickies on front of our partner. We can't even see them anymore, you know. So, really being open to, that was pretty dope too okay, thank you.
Speaker 3:So, yes, what can we see differently? What can we view differently? And I think the big thing across the board often times is If we're feeling down, if we're feeling in a stuck spot, getting curious, have we lost hope and possibility that things can be different? Because often that is right, we think it. There isn't possibility. So we feel stuck and really encourage people to just look for examples, even if you don't feel like you can find them within your own life, looking for it within someone else.
Speaker 3:Okay, he could do it. Okay, okay, so I know that there's hope, that it is true, you know, and then working you know to that place. But but, yes, I could talk about this stuff all day long. It lights me up. I just want people to have a better human experience and to to learn that there's reasons that we feel and operate the way we are. Oftentimes this is my final thing oftentimes people think I am an anxious person. I am this and it's like no, we have an aspect of us that's anxious. We've learned to deal and cope in a certain way. That doesn't have to be who we are, that doesn't have to define us. So starting to look at these things is like oh, I am dealing with at the moment some anxiety. I am dealing with something, but that's not the core of who I am right, okay, pretty dope.
Speaker 2:Once again just changing how you see yourself or how you express the words you use about yourself.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much, sam yeah, so you were very, very dope. Yes, right, so I'm just, you know, forever you are considered if you guys are having writers block in life. Yes, give our girls Sam a call, okay, yeah, but I just want to finish with one last question. I know that just recently I was having a conversation, somebody, and they brought up the cost. You know, like I don't, I can't afford to take care of my mental health. Now, I always think that's bull crap, because I'm like you didn't need that McDonald's that you paid $20 for for lunch the other day. You know, like I think about $100 I spent this week on some bullshit, so you know. So, yes, I probably I could afford it, but I always feel like that's something that's holding people back. Like what would you say to that person?
Speaker 3:Totally. I think that that's true, right, I think it's there's money for what you want to afford, right. And so I do think it's getting curious and let's say, let's play doubles out and get that somebody's really tight. They're being very conscientious, they're not doing the Starbucks. There are different levels of support and many different things available. So this day and age information tons, podcasts, books, different things that really almost can be little to no cost.
Speaker 3:Another really good aspect to look at maybe doing some sort of group program I know to, there's a lot of assistance offered for different things, you know. So if we're really at a place where financially things are hard and things are tight, oftentimes there can be programs or services that can be offered that could be little to no cost. So really, if you find yourself saying that, asking yourself, is that an excuse that is offering you the excuse to not be taking action and moving forward, and if you are really really desiring it, you know, I would just be curious and googling a little bit and finding because there are varying low cost options, you know, out there cool, awesome, but thank you so much for coming on and for actually taking all my crazy reschedules is all Rebecca's fault and I did want to end with.
Speaker 2:One thing we don't do is we don't never leave a day mad at each other, so we do all get out. Anytime I offend Rebecca, I become a like girl. Don't be giving me your power and we talk about it.
Speaker 3:You know so beautiful and such a trait right. I mean that's key for all relationships like that whole.
Speaker 2:Don't go to bed angry like yeah, yes, and you know we're going to list all of your contact information on our website and in the episode you guys reach out to say I'm. Hopefully we can reach out to you again and get you back on and have a little more conversation.
Speaker 3:I would absolutely love to do that. I would be so honored awesome, awesome.
Speaker 2:Thank you guys for watching and we will see you next week thank you so much.