Breaking Chains of Emotional Addiction: Bizzie Gold's Guide to Purpose and Liberation | Season 3 Episode 321

Prepare to embark on a journey with Bizzie Gold, the visionary behind Break Method, as we peel back the layers of emotional addiction and the life-altering quest for purpose. In a world where past traumas silently script our future, we uncover the powerful influence of childhood experiences and discuss the potential of breaking free from the chains of generational patterns. My own perspective on choosing a life without children intersects with Bizzie's insights, offering a mosaic of viewpoints on legacy, healing, and the pursuit of a life that resonates with one’s true self.

We navigate the complex terrain of early emotional development, scrutinizing the cycle of responses from fear to anger, and how they shape our adult relationships. The discussion dives into the challenging concept of embracing our entire selves, questioning if this includes the darker facets of our personalities, and the role of labels and negative self-talk inherited from our younger years. Bizzie Gold's alternative approach through Break Method offers a beacon of hope, demonstrating that transformative change is achievable without the exhaustion of reliving the past.

Peering into the nuances of intuition versus instinct, we arm you with the knowledge to discern the whispers of genuine insight over the clamor of protective urges. This episode is a testament to the courage required for emotional metamorphosis, as Bizzie Gold guides us through the labyrinth of our minds. By the end, you'll feel inspired and ready to take those first decisive steps towards not just rewriting your story, but also contributing to the collective narrative of a healthier, more self-aware society. Join us for this profound exploration of self, and emerge with a newfound determination to chart your path to emotional freedom.

Breaking Chains of Emotional Addiction: Bizzie Gold's Guide to Purpose and Liberation | Season 3 Episode 321

CHAPTERS:
0:00 - Intro
0:41 - Krystal Feels Intimidated
2:02 - Introducing Bizzie Gold
3:56 - Understanding Emotional Addiction
6:02 - Origin of Emotional Responses
7:01 - Protective Emotional Responses
8:28 - Breaking the Emotional Addiction Cycle
10:29 - Brain Language Processing Insights
15:20 - Impact of Labels on Perception
17:49 - Uncarved Block Analogy Explained
22:24 - Trauma's Impact on Micah
26:15 - Micah's Exposure Therapy Journey
28:55 - Internal Self-Talk During Therapy
29:45 - Rewiring Emotional Logic
33:00 - Emotional Response Logic Rewiring Example
34:55 - Further Emotional Logic Rewiring Example
38:20 - Brain Rewiring Techniques
42:15 - Brain Patterns and Behavior
46:27 - Break Method Candidacy
51:15 - Benefits of the Break Method
56:43 - Addressing Mental Health Skepticism
1:02:05 - Final Words
1:03:42 - Outro

#BreakingFree #EmotionalAddiction #PurposeQuest #GenerationalPatterns #ChildlessByChoice #LegacyHealing #TrueSelfJourney #EmotionalDevelopment #FearToAngerCycle #AdultRelationships #EmbraceYourWholeSelf #DarkSideAcceptance #NegativeSelfTalk #BreakMethod #BizzieGold #TransformativeChange #IntuitionVsInstinct #EmotionalMetamorphosis #MindLabyrinth #RewriteYourStory #CollectiveHealing #PathToEmotionalFreedom #SelfAwareSociety #ChartYourPath #TheseFukkenFeelingsPodcast #TraumaIsExpensive

https://www.bizziegold.com/

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

you don't have to be positive all the time. It's perfectly okay to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared and anxious. Having feelings doesn't make you a negative person. It doesn't even make you weak. It makes you human and we are here to talk through it all. We welcome you to these fucking feelings podcast, a safe space for all who needs it. Grab a drink and take a seat. The session begins now.

Speaker 2: 0:33

What is up people? Welcome to these fucking feelings podcast. I am Micah, got producer Crystal over here with me and our special guest Busy Gold. So how are you today?

Speaker 3: 0:48

I'm doing pretty good.

Speaker 2: 0:51

I'm a little intimidated by you and I really don't get intimidated by nobody but I was listening to like some of your podcasts and stuff and it's like I have I live under a rock so I don't know anything that goes on. And it's like I have I live under a rock so I don't know anything that goes on, and it was like everything you guys talked about and it's like I listened to a couple and just kind of skipped through a couple and it was like like the depth and and intellect that it gets to. I'm like, um, when they say ignorant ignorance is bliss, I'm a clown because I live in that ignorant state you hear me.

Speaker 2: 1:26

So to me it was like, wow, it's so much stuff you don't think about when it comes to mental health, and you know, people come up here and we have a whole bunch of conversations, but it's never been to where, like, we intellectualize a lot of things, you know, and I feel like you do that a lot on your podcast, and to me it's intimidating because I'm like I don't even know, ain't Trump still president? Like I don't even know who's in office. So anyway, before we go any further, one thing that we do do here do do is ask our guests to introduce themselves, because we feel like no one can tell your story like you.

Speaker 3: 2:04

I'm Busy Gold. I'm the founder of Break Method, I wear many hats and likely, as you could tell from looking at my podcast, I like to look at points of intersection, so where certain things collide, and I am certainly not a one trick pony. So it's sometimes been hard for me to explain what I do do because I do so many different things. So, at my core, I just want people to live lives free of emotional addiction and be able to accomplish things that call you into your purpose.

Speaker 3: 2:38

I think so many times in our lives, what happens to us in the early childhood years ends up patterning us in a way that holds us back from what we're capable of, and I think our world and the social fabric that we find ourselves in is a testament to that. People are in pain, suicide rates are up, people are leaning into coping mechanisms. We can see just the evidence is all around that people could be doing a whole lot more with their lives. Right, every single one of us has the ability to be a generational pattern breaker, but most of us don't ever do it. We stay stuck in our self-sabotage cycle and we don't ever get out of it.

Speaker 3: 3:13

So I think at my core, aside from the delivery mechanism, like how I end up doing it. I'm here to help people tap into their purpose and heal not just their life but the generations behind them, for the good of the world. So, however I can do that, be it through writing, through podcasts, through teaching, through break method, through more spirituality based things, I'll do it wherever. Wherever I'm called to go, wherever I'm called to teach, I'll be there.

Speaker 2: 3:39

That's pretty cool. I've been always one of those people like I really don't need a. What do you call those things? A legacy? I'm good, I don't want no kids, I refuse to bring kids into this world, so that's something I won't do. But yeah, I guess it's pretty cool.

Speaker 3: 4:00

Emotional addiction, though. So explain what that is a little more. In our early childhood years, between ages two and five, our brain hardwires a brain pattern that is a result of our early childhood input. So if we're thinking about examples of certain inputs, it would be anything our brain perceives as adverse or something that's negatively perceived, so something that either makes you feel hurt or scared or confused For our purposes, or scared or confused for our purposes, just um. I know that I can be kind of heady in how I talk about things, so I try to make sure that we're just still in down some definitions so everyone knows what we're talking about. So I'm going to I'm going to take it down a notch. Everyone think of that moment in childhood whatever that is for yourself where maybe you were doing something that you felt you were in that pure innocent state, right, maybe you were singing to a parent, or you're going to a parent like, look at this dance I choreographed, whatever it is where you're not thinking about how it's going to be received. You're just in that pure innocence and curiosity state. When we're talking about adversely perceived it's basically anything that conflicts with that. So if you think about how big that scope is now. Most of the things you receive in childhood end up being somewhat against that idea, right, where someone's blaming or shaming you or saying, oh, don't do that, or you know, because of our religion we don't do it that way. Or go put some clothes on. Why would you act that way? Most of what we're getting are ranging from subtle maybe, like mom's eyebrows, or the way dad immediately says something to correct you all, the way to physical discipline, even violence, or addictive behavior in the household, right. So any of these things are going to contribute to that experience of going from that curious, innocent freedom to all of a sudden realizing I can't actually be myself. I do have to think about what I do before I do it. Maybe who I am is inherently wrong, right? Maybe something that my brain is telling me to do is bad We've been a bad person. Once those messages start to formulate in those early childhood years like I said, ages two to five it causes us to create what we call an emotional addiction cycle.

Speaker 3: 6:03

So our emotional addiction cycle has three parts an origin, a protective and an escalating. So the origin response for everybody is going to be fear or some subset of fear, just that initial uh-oh, something's going to happen. That could be anticipation, that could be observation, where your brain's jumping to a conclusion about what's going to happen next. That's going to be pretty standard for everyone in the general population. Then you generate a protective response. For some protective response is going to be anxiety, where you're thinking strategizing, what am I going to do next. But for some people your protective emotion is anger, where you're not thinking, strategizing. You're reacting and lashing out and or correcting or offering criticism or feedback. You're reacting and lashing out and or correcting or offering criticism or feedback. So we're going to have the population split about 70-30. There's 70% going toward anxiety, 30% going to anger. There are other emotions that can exist there, but in general those are the two most common splits.

Speaker 3: 6:59

Then you're going to go to your escalating emotion, which is going to kick in when you feel that you've tried to anticipate it. It still happened. You tried to protect yourself and guess what? That stimulus is still coming at you. That's when the escalating emotion is going to kick in. So your escalating emotion for some people is going to be when you're more willing to take risk Maybe somebody who was a people pleaser and anxiety.

Speaker 3: 7:23

All of a sudden you're an escalating emotion and now you're dropping F-bombs, you're telling everybody all the boundaries that you should have said a week and a half ago, right? So that's an example of an escalation from anxiety, where somebody might go from anxiety to anger. But on the flip side, let's say somebody had anger in their protective emotion. What you likely see there is either going to be anxiety or apathy, because they're either going to realize oh shit, I got to clean this up. Everyone's mad at me. I must have said something, even though I felt justified in the moment. Everyone has turned on me, so I have to do something about it. So they're going to be spinning their wheels and anxiety, thinking what am I going to do to fix this? I've got to cover up, I've got to defend myself, I've got to get people back on my side, I've got to go find allies.

Speaker 3: 8:06

Or some people will go to apathy where they basically, we just call it the F? It button. They're like F it all Don't matter, there's nothing I'm going to do from here. And then maybe they lean into a coping mechanism like addiction, or they struggle with depression, can't get out of bed and don't want to brush their teeth because they're like what's the message in their head would be what's the point? I tried everything and I'm still here, so what's the point? So, essentially, that three, three step process is going to happen for every single one of us, and it happens cyclically. So we're just cycling through it all day long and our brain is pushed into it by small, subtle things that we're perceiving in our environment.

Speaker 3: 8:41

Okay, maybe your intimate partner's being a little bit more quiet and withdrawn this morning and instead of just letting it unfold, maybe, if anxiety is your protective emotion, you're like hey, honey, what's wrong? Do you know that for a lot of people, what's wrong is the biggest trigger you can possibly set? What's wrong, are you okay? Are you okay? For some people, are you okay Is the number one way to push them into anger. Well, I was okay, but not now. Right, where now you're like? Now I'm in my escalating emotion. I was trying to problem solve and now you're poking and prodding me and asking me these questions. Now I'm not okay.

Speaker 3: 9:13

So we have to get ourselves to this place where we've effectively mapped and understood the way our brain will take in this information around us and push us into different phases of these emotions, because once we're in that emotion. We can know exactly what behaviors, thought processes, decisions all match with that emotion. So once we have this all mapped out and we know what we do and when, it demystifies the process. So no longer can we say, oh, I don't really know how I'm feeling or I don't know why I did that, because in break method you'll know exactly why you did it, to a point where you'll be able to call BS on yourself. Oh yeah, I already know where I'm going to go next. I'm going to do this and my brain's going to try to tell me that it's justified because of X, y, z. But I already see the error and this is ridiculous. It's just a pattern, it's not real.

Speaker 2: 10:00

I'm like I did all that today.

Speaker 3: 10:03

And that's the thing is, we all do it all day long. The question is are we going to do the work to understand what's driving the behavior? So I want you to think when you go put gas in your car. The gasoline is the energy source that makes your car travel. Yeah, so the brain functions off of systems of language. So for our brain to take action, think, process, it's fueled by the source of words and language. So if you think about it, whatever your parents said to you repetitively becomes a foundation of language that our brain will then use.

Speaker 3: 10:35

So some people, for example, deal with negative self-talk, where their brain is just constantly like you can't do that, you're going to fail. Did you double or triple check that? Typically, that voice is generated from something that they experienced in early childhood. So that voice isn't just completely naturally occurring or from nowhere. It was actually systematically programmed into that child's brain, maybe because the parent thought they were protecting the child. Maybe the parent thought they were protecting their family's reputation. Right, there's a million motivations here.

Speaker 3: 11:04

But those words become beliefs and then those beliefs become actions, and the more we run that loop, the further away we get from being aware of it consciously and it just becomes who we fundamentally are and unfortunately, we get to a place where in society today, I think there's been a big push to authentically own every part of your personality, where it's just like that would just be.

Speaker 3: 11:30

You boo like authentically own your personality instead of actually do the work to be like, no, these shadowy bits are ruining my life and others' lives, I shouldn't just authentically own them, I should do something about it.

Speaker 3: 11:40

So I think we're at this turning point in society where, sure, we can all make each other feel better and high five and be like, yeah, we're all messed up. That's part of the process of acknowledging we're not all alone in our brokenness, but something needs to be done about it. We can't just somehow justify well, we're all broken, so let's just stay broken and all trauma bond in how broken we are. There are steps we can take to heal personally as a society, and I think right now the man, the system, the society, whatever it is, for whatever reason, doesn't want us to actually heal. It just wants us to kind of stay stuck here and bond and how messed up our families were, our moms were, and then just radically on our personality and it's frankly, it's not really you. It's a pattern that your brain's developed, but it's not who you were born to be.

Speaker 4: 12:30

Right, as Micah says, all the time.

Speaker 2: 12:35

Well, I was just thinking she was on my I. Every time we kind of work together in the day job, but anytime a person goes to put their purse on the floor, I'm like, no, don't put your purse on the floor, Because it's something my mom told me my whole life or not just me, but you know, I've always heard my mom say it. You know the people like no, don't get your purse off the floor. So I say it now and they're like why? And I'm like I don't know, Just don't do it. My mom is going to get you example, but it's the first thing that pops my head, would you?

Speaker 3: 13:02

know it's a great example because technically there's a part of you that knows that's irrational. Your mom's not gonna pop her head out of a closet and be like, by the way, I'm gonna go take, you know, tell this person to correct their purse, but your brain still thinks that nonetheless right, right, right it's a great example okay, oh, because, yeah, I'll be serious.

Speaker 3: 13:18

I'm like, no, don't do it, but um well, and then, in turn, you become your your mom's voice, because there's that chain reaction. You were programmed that way, so you think it now. You're basically doing that to the person, right? Right right right right.

Speaker 4: 13:34

On how you said, when you know your mom or your dad keeps telling you things, and then you learn how to believe it. I know this couple that they have a child and they're constantly saying that there's something wrong with their son. And I say it all the time like I don't see anything wrong with him, but I believe that they keep saying it and then it's like they believe their self and then now the kid believes that there's something wrong with them, like he's always like oh well, I can't have that because I have ADHD, and I'm like I think that it's true how a parent when they keep repeatedly saying like, oh well, you can't do this because of this. And then when they grow up, they're like well, I can't do this because of this. And then when they grow up, they're like well, I can't do this.

Speaker 3: 14:27

That's where they get that from.

Speaker 3: 14:30

I mean it's similar to in the fitness wellness space. Think about how many times I don't know if anyone's ever tried to lose weight or work out or stick to something we tell ourselves like I just can't lose this last 20 pounds, like I'm just stuck here. I'm just stuck here and you're literally telling yourself I'm stuck here and your body's like cool, so we're stuck here and then your body listens and takes the cue and it does what you're telling it to do. So I think very often we miss these opportunities to see that we're actually telling ourselves to do something and then we're literally becoming the self fulfilling prophecy because we're telling our body that which we don't want, but we're giving it as a directive Like do this. So we do have to be careful about what we're not just thinking, but what we're speaking to others and speaking to ourselves, because there is that chain reaction and it does become a very tangible reality.

Speaker 3: 15:20

And on the topic of labels, because I think this is another thing where there are so many labels that are thrown around, especially toward children, right, all different types of learning, disabilities, autism spectrum, adhd, add there are so many labels that if you allow yourself, as a parent, to put your child in that box. Oh well, my kid has ADHD. You start to justify and rationalize certain behaviors. Oh well, they're doing this because they have ADHD. And you actually allow it and perpetuate it because you fundamentally don't believe they're capable of doing something other than that. So I think labels in general of course I'm not saying, you know, tell your doctor to shove it, there's a time and a place for that but labels can be not only disempowering, but it can rework the architecture of your brain and make you believe something about yourself that actually might not be true. Right you? You actually become that self-fulfilling prophecy. Well, I have depression, I have bouts of depression, I have seasonal depression. Well, guess what your body's like? Cool.

Speaker 2: 16:27

So every winter we're going to go through a period of depression because we believe that's what is going to happen, like sure, we can keep that up, that's healthy.

Speaker 3: 16:31

Yeah, that sounds good, let's do that.

Speaker 4: 16:33

I also had a thing with. The school had told me that my younger daughter had ADHD and that's why, like, she was really hyper and I'm like, well, I can handle her, so I'm not gonna, you know. And we went to the doctors and I had brought it up that the school had said it and they were like, no, she's perfectly fine. I think a lot of people just can't handle the situation, so then they put a label on it because they want to cover it up or give it a reason on why the child's acting like that well, and sometimes it's the teacher.

Speaker 3: 17:06

That teacher's teaching style might have brought that out in your daughter, when maybe it wasn't there before with a different teacher, because maybe she's bored, maybe that teacher is not effective at keeping people's attention.

Speaker 2: 17:17

Therefore she's in attention kids, they something else like these kids born now, you'd be like I can't even what you just say to me, like you too, like they are terrible, right, I'm like some kids are just, but I guess you know once again it's something that you know is learned.

Speaker 3: 17:34

You know they're not born that way, but still I, still I'm like I can't it's a little bit of both, right, you're there, are, there are qualities that are innate that you're born with, and then there are certain qualities that are innate that you're born with, and then there are certain qualities that are more nurture and how you're parented. And I think the reality we use this analogy and break method that everybody comes in an uncarved block of wood. So if you were to imagine, just kind of like a blob of a trunk, right, eventually, everything that happens to you slowly chips away at that and you become a sculpture, right? Everyone came in just kind of a block of wood and now you're a sculpture. That's a by-product of what you experienced in your life.

Speaker 3: 18:11

There's always that like secret sauce that you were just made to be you. Like, like you were always going to be you, crystal, you were always going to be you, but there's a part of you that did get shaped by your environment and that shaping process is more likely to impact your personality, right, how your personality is expressed, your communication style, but somewhere inside of you, right, like that person that thinks and sees the world around it, that is that uncarved block of wood that just has a little special, something, right, that's unique to each one of us. I do see, because I work with kids a lot in my practice. There is something different about these kids, right, and it's not just environmental and how they were raised. These blocks of wood are different, right, definitely.

Speaker 4: 18:55

I mean, I have two older children and Maddie's like middle age, and then I have the eight year old and the difference between my 21 year old and my 20 year old compared to them, it's like night and day. It really is the atmosphere of school is totally different. I think it's just school is so different.

Speaker 3: 19:29

I think it's just. I think social media technology, all those things do play a role, whether we like it or not. Even parents that try to intentionally keep that stuff out of their kids' hands, you can't get away from it in our world. It will shape the world they live in and therefore how they see the world that they live in. So you can't really get away from it. It makes things more complicated and it does put more pressure on kids from a very early age. Yeah right, it's going with that like destroying innocence and curiosity, that ability to just kind of like free for all and play around with your world. That's somewhat gone away. Like think about a kid now, age five, knows how to use google, like we were out here in these streets trying to use physical maps and have pagers and stuff right, like it's different let me get to that payphone.

Speaker 2: 20:14

Hit me on my pager right, it's just, it's a different code, like oh, that's my mama paging me yeah, code 9-1-1 yeah it is.

Speaker 4: 20:24

I, I think that, um, my son, he's 21 and he don't. He has a little girl, my granddaughter, and you know he times her tv and stuff Cause he says the same thing that the Facebook and all every technology. He thinks it feeds, it feeds your brain. So he, she watches like try and think, miss Rachel, and stuff like that. And she's two years old. She's consigning, which I'm like wow, where was this when my kids were growing up?

Speaker 2: 21:03

Crystal is just the middle finger.

Speaker 4: 21:06

She's pretty smart For a two-year-old.

Speaker 2: 21:09

You have real kids, and one thing, though, that's really cool about all her kids is that they all love the same, so it's like to see that they all love the same, so it's like to see that in all generations, even though they're different they all had the same compassion. They all love the same, so it's like well, and that is a byproduct of nurture.

Speaker 3: 21:24

How you show love and form attachment, that's a hundred percent nurture. So that's all your parenting. Good job, mama bear.

Speaker 2: 21:31

Yeah, definitely, she's a great mom I do believe.

Speaker 4: 21:34

And uh, so like, if the guidance counselor calls me and they're like, oh well, what classes do you want for her? And I'm like I'm not the one taking the classes, it's what she thinks she can do. I'm not going to say put her in the highest grade if she flunks out. That's kind of on my part and I'm always saying like we can sit down with her and she can pick her classes out and if she thinks she could do it, then she could do it. I mean, they don't get in trouble or anything If they get bad grades. They could just try next hard or next time. But every single one of them, I know, are going to go somewhere, so that's amazing and they are.

Speaker 2: 22:20

She's a really good mom, but enough about you, let's get on with the program. No, actually, and it's funny, I think I'm at that stage now, so like I didn't get to go through all that innocence and figure out who I was when I was younger, because I went through years and years of trauma, go through all that innocence and figure out who I was when I was younger, because I went through years and years of trauma.

Speaker 2: 22:40

So I had a really great family system, but it was the outside family that kind of did a lot of things to hurt me and I was hurt by the outside world a lot. So I grew up real tainted and I think because of that I hurt a lot of people. So a lot of my life was about hurt. And now I'm at that point where it's like, ok, I want to heal and I want to grow, but all I got control over right now is me, you know. So it's like every day my focus is to be better than I was yesterday. It's like I want to be a better person than I was yesterday, you know, and I've come a long way.

Speaker 2: 23:16

I tell people you know to be as like I hate to say, is like a sobriety kind of thing. But I've been in healing for two years now, you know, because it's steps, you know, to me, it's steps to us, you know I think about like Alcohols Anonymous, and you know to me it's like it's HA. You know healing and steps in these kinds of ways. But it's like I don't know how to focus on anything other than me right now and I feel like that might. You know, honestly, listening to your podcast made me realize how ignorant I was to a lot of things, and I still am and I'm trying to decide whether I'm okay with that or not, based on where I am right now. Like, am I okay with you know, with this, with just staying in my world, knowing that the world outside of me is so crazy right now?

Speaker 3: 23:56

Well, I think it's going to be that choice is going to be different for every person, and I will say that from the break method perspective. One of our keystone concepts is the only thing in the world that you can control with 100% accuracy is how you choose to respond. Think about how many times people want to try to control or manipulate somebody else's actions or anticipate, work around, prevent. Everything's about trying to change an outcome in your world almost like playing God, when the reality is we should be only 100% focused on how we're responding to our environment. Right, we can't. Our brains typically won't. Let us be in the present moment, which is the only way for us to actually respond to what we're right.

Speaker 3: 24:37

We're out in the future, we're replaying the past, we're ruminating, we're projecting future outcomes. So, from the perspective that you're in right now, where you said that you've been on this like two year healing journey, I think it's an important step for you to realize hey, for me I need to have a boundary here, because for me to work on these things and take it seriously, I can't get distracted with things outside of myself. But then the next step for you is the discernment to figure out when am I able to take a step out into the world and see if I can manage that relationship. So another thing that we believe is that you can't rewire a trigger that you refuse to be exposed to. So I think sometimes people just go into avoidance, like, oh, I'll cut those toxic friends out of my life. Oh, I'll stop using entirely and never be around it, never talk to those people again. Those things can all be good for a period of time, but eventually you have to learn how to be around that stimulus and control your response to it.

Speaker 2: 25:42

We can't always just avoid or escape, and I think I'm slowly doing that and I and it's going to be a weird example with barbershops. So my whole life I grew up molested a lot by men and several men, and it happened for a really long time. Um, and you know, it was like people. They threatened my mom and, of course, then my family, and it's like I'm going to do whatever I got to do, but it happened. You know, it's like I didn't realize that, how powerful the voice was. Basically, I didn't realize for a long time how powerful just speaking up was, how powerful saying no was, or you know, this isn't right and those things. I learned that really, really, really, really late in life and I forgot where I was going with this.

Speaker 3: 26:15

We were talking about being exposed to something rather than just avoiding it. Barbershop.

Speaker 2: 26:20

So because of, like, all these things happened to me and I was always men, I always had female barbers, always had female barbers, but lately I actually. So me and my female barbers just broke up recently and it's pretty funny we broke up because of kind of politics and the world stuff. You know, it was like she is a big activist and you know she's Afro Latina and she's into reparations and all that kind of stuff and to me I feel like my answer is right now, I don't have nothing to do with that Like that's between America and who they owe it to. Micah can't control that, so I don't think about it. Because of that, she didn't want to cut my hair, no more.

Speaker 2: 27:05

Put me in an awkward situation, had to find a new barber Because of that. It made me racist. I was automatically racist. I'm probably every culture in the world. It ruined my relationship with my female barber. So I decided I needed a new barber and I kind of just went on this app and the guy had five stars and I said, ok, I know it's going to be hard, but I got to do this. I don't like being touched by men, which is crazy because I'm gay. But that's another day for another conversation, right?

Speaker 3: 27:35

I could do a whole other episode on that invite you back for that one, but it's.

Speaker 2: 27:42

I do not like being touched by men, so I knew that by doing this I knew that I could find another female barber, but it was like it was. It was something about this time that I felt like, okay, I need to start trying.

Speaker 2: 27:54

You knew it was an opportunity right and but, and the drama and the like. I get sick and like I'm nauseous and I get so anxious in this chair that I just want to run out the door, you know. And then I realize like I'm gonna look real crazy if I leave in the middle of this haircut, but it is. It is it's like I feel like I'm slowly putting myself out there. It is it's like I feel like I'm slowly putting myself out there.

Speaker 2: 28:20

I'm still having really, really traumatic responses to things because, you know, with it's so triggering, you know. And then it's like, uh, you know, like him pushing my head or you know, I mean he doesn't do it that rough, but you know when he needs me to look down, you know it's like he doesn't tell me, he does it like with his hands and it's like it's no, like you're trying to control me and I go into like this crazy traumatic. And then it's like now it's like I haven't scheduled my next haircut, hence the hat and it's like I need to. But it's like, oh, I need a break from that experience. I need it. I needed a break from what, like I feel like I'm gonna die in a barber chair and I don't know what is your.

Speaker 3: 28:55

what is your internal self-talk sound like as this is taking place? Like, let's say, you just pushed your head to the side and you push your head to the other side and you're starting to kind of go into the panic place? What if I could hear your thoughts? What would your thoughts sound like?

Speaker 2: 29:08

Honestly, I think my thoughts are more of trying right now. Lately is more of like calm down and run type of thing, but it's my first thought is to run, like there's so many times, like it's like the door is there, I just need to get up and go. Like I just it's taken so long, I just need to tell him to stop, but like it's taken so long. You know he's doing, he's touching me, you know it's like. Especially it gets so awkward when it gets around the lips. And now he's like right here in my face and he's looking and it's like, and it's like, oh my God, I close my eyes normally, but it's still like. But my instinct is to run. That's the first thing. It's like run, you know, like run.

Speaker 3: 29:44

Here's. Here's one thing that you can do. It's a tool that we call Eli. So what response you're having is obviously emotion based. It's your protective emotion, right, you want to run you're having is obviously emotion-based. It's your protective emotion, right, you want to run. And what needs to happen is we need to be able to rewire that emotional response with logic. So in my teaching I give an example of me having this sort of reaction with people tickling me Because of what happened to me when I was a child. If someone tries Not now because I've worked through it, but if we went back like six years ago, if someone tried to tickle me, my instinctive response is literally to punch some, like I would want to get into his face, like, how dare like literally lose my, lose my mind, um, over just a simple little touch. So I understand where you're coming from. I'll give it. I'll give the example the way I give it in my teaching with the tickling, and then we'll turn it on you. You good with that. Yes.

Speaker 3: 30:37

Okay, so my uncle is the one that used to tickle me nonstop, to the point where I just felt all my personal space and boundaries are violated. And it would happen on and on and on, even up until the point where he was not that much older than me. He had friends that I had crushes on it. Just it was too much and he would never listen to me. He had friends that I had crushes on. It was too much and he would never listen to me. So my reaction to tickling was very much that anger response of GTFO I'm going to cut you sort of response. So let's take that that was the last time I saw him. I might have been like, let's say, 10. I'm 39 now, so it's been a while. Yeah, so 39,. I got four kids. My oldest is about to turn 14.

Speaker 2: 31:21

My youngest is two, you're going to get some more snaps for that. You get some more snaps for that.

Speaker 3: 31:27

Pretty soon I'm going to be 40. So if I look at a situation, I'm going to go compare, contrast two scenarios. Let's say scenario number one. We know I know myself well enough to know that I have a response to being tickled. That is over the top, not rational, right I? If my young five-year-old wants to tickle me, I shouldn't want to physically harm them. That's not rational, agree? So I also should therefore not want to do this to my husband. So let's give a situation. Let's say I'm at home, I'm on my desk typing on my computer, my back is to the door. I feel somebody tickle my back.

Speaker 3: 32:03

If I was doing it the way you were doing it, I'd just be like don't run, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. Remember how we said that the brain functions on systems of language. I want you to imagine that in your brain you have both a prosecutor and a defense attorney, right? So you have, like these, two attorneys that are constantly battling each other. The prosecutor is the one that's like nope, you're in danger, this guy could molest you too. You should run, you should run. Then the defense attorney sucks right now, has no voice, no good argument. Maybe you can't even hear the defense attorney, the defense attorney. We need to be able to turn up the volume and boost the language of the defense attorney so that you can actually learn to stay and learn that you can have a different experience right.

Speaker 3: 32:42

So when we're just saying don't run, don't run, don't run, that's not actually attacking the language of the prosecutor. The prosecutor's language is very specific. So just masking it with don't run or you can do this like some sort of positive affirmation, like you got this, micah, you don't just five more minutes that's not actually breaking apart the language. All you're doing is masking it and trying to white knuckle it and be like we're going to get through this. So in this scenario where I'm sitting on my bed, my back is to the door, I feel a tickle on my back and I know I'm trying to work through this trigger. I have to actually ask myself, as annoying as it is, a series of logical questions so that I can stop my body from responding emotionally. So number one is this my uncle? No, this is not my uncle. I've not seen my uncle, for what is that? 20 plus years. So it's definitely not my uncle.

Speaker 3: 33:32

So in this situation, obviously it sounds like you had multiple perpetrators, but it sounds like it's been a long enough period of time that that was significantly in your past, correct? Correct, so in your situation you could kind of bulk them all together and been like my brain is reacting to a grouping of these men that I have not had in my life exposed to me for 15 years. Right, like, give it some arbitrary timeframe, right? So for me it's. Is this my uncle? No, it's not my uncle. Am I in a safe place? Yes, I'm at home. Is this about the time my husband would come home from work? Yes, um, is this probably my husband? Like, safe bet, is this probably my husband? Last question Does my husband want to piss me off right now?

Speaker 3: 34:18

I don't know, I'm going to have to turn around, right? So, to answer that question, maybe he is trying to piss me off, I don't know, but maybe he's just trying to get my attention. So I have to turn around and actually consume who he is and what his presentation is with my eyes. So you, your problem is that you're trying to kind of like mask and just be like don't do this, don't do this, don't do this, which to your brain sometimes makes it louder because it really you're not, it's not feeling like you're addressing the safety need. You're just telling it don't do that.

Speaker 3: 34:44

Which, if you think about, if somebody is changing and they're like, don't look at me, what are you going to do? You look at the person, naked, right. It's like the number one thing, not to say so many boobs in my life, so many boobs. So then we get ourselves to this place where we have to, we we have to again address the logical thought line rather than just don't do it. Don't do it because then the brain just wants to do it more. Like internally, we're all just kind of this like rebellious child that wants to do what we're told not to do.

Speaker 2: 35:14

So we run, and now that you say it that way, though, or in saying this, I can see how there's no healing there, like I'm not healed.

Speaker 3: 35:20

No, no, exactly Right. So if you were like is this a person, is this barber, a person that physically molested me? No, did I choose to be in this chair right now? Yes, is this an opportunity to rewire my response to this trigger? Yes, um, and here's another one for you. By the way, did I advocate? Did I advocate for myself to this person and let him know, like how I need him to talk to me, because you probably didn't right, you're just trying to get through it. So another example could be like hey, you know, I just have some, some trauma that I'm working with. If you could just tell me what you're going to do before you do it, even if that's annoying, like that would really help me a lot. Then he'd be like you know, I'm going to move your head to the left and move your head to the right.

Speaker 2: 36:04

It actually would build some safety, but I think part of your issue is that you don't speak up those things else to nobody else.

Speaker 3: 36:16

But this is a place of vulnerability for you. Yeah, so it's like, if it's in an area like career or something where you're more the authority figure, easy. But if it's a situation like this, where you're essentially in the power dynamic, you're the one that's being served by the other person. It's a totally different scenario, right? So I run through these questions. I turned around. I have to actually look and like consume what the person's mental state is before I make a decision. He's got a big smile, shitting and grin, and I'm like hey, honey, how's it going? Right, I had to talk myself through that because my instinct was get the fuck off of me. Right, I wanted to completely freak out, but I talked to myself through it. I see that he's smiling. I'm like, hey, honey, how's it going? So then I've navigated through that.

Speaker 3: 36:58

As soon as I start going through the logical questions, my body has actually stopped distributing the chemicals, the neurotransmitters that would make me continue to react. So this is based off of a theory where, for people that have ever I don't know if you've ever taken any self-defense classes, but if anyone's ever attacking you you're supposed to ask that person a question that has a very specific answer, like what color is an orange? Because their brain can't not listen to you and it will pull them out of their emotional response and into logical thinking because they're like, they want to rape you, they want to kill it, whatever it is. They're in their deep emotional response. But if you throw it like what color is the sky, what color is an orange? It will actually disrupt that flow of neurotransmitter and for a moment it might actually disable them just enough for you to get away.

Speaker 2: 37:45

So why don't?

Speaker 3: 37:46

people know this. Micah, this is a question I ask myself all the time. Whenever people come to break, they're like why isn't break everywhere? Everyone needs to know this. So I'm with you. I try, I'm trying to be out there spreading the word.

Speaker 2: 38:00

No, definitely here. I was scared of you and I'm like, okay, you over here, I done healed already in like what? It's been 37 minutes Girl, you good Thank you and I will.

Speaker 3: 38:12

I'm going to give you access to some videos too, cause I think specifically on this topic, cause you're actually allowing yourself to be exposed to it right now. You could. You're actually allowing yourself to be exposed to it right now. You could rewire it super fast.

Speaker 3: 38:24

So now I've looked at my husband. He clearly wants to be sweet. I've now stopped that flow of neurotransmitter. I haven't taken an action, I didn't physically hit him Great. I didn't yell at him, I didn't give him attitude, I didn't let my eyebrows judge him, I just said, hey, honey, how's it going? And maybe for the first 10, 20 times running through that was really challenging. But eventually I'll get myself to a place where, once I'm already on that first question, my brain's like no, we good, we keep going.

Speaker 3: 38:47

Now I want to go to a second situation, because this shows that the way we're labeling the stimulus which in this case, for you would be the barber, or, like for me, whoever, is tickling me. There's a scenario in which your initial response was the right one. Okay, so now, same I'm me. I still haven't seen my uncle. Everything's the same. I'm still married to my husband. But now it's girls night and I went out to the bar with my friends, okay. So now I'm out at the bar with my girlfriends. We're sitting there chatting. Somebody I feel somebody tickle me on the back of my rib cage. Is this my uncle? Still not my uncle? Am I in a safe place? Not, particularly. Is your husband with you? Nope, and can you see all of your girlfriends right now? Yeah, they're all in front of me. Is there a chance this is some dude trying to push up on you? Yes, there is. Maybe I should turn around. So I turn around. And, of course, yes, it's someone trying to touch me without my permission.

Speaker 3: 39:39

And in this case, my anger response is not arbitrarily to my uncle. I've now worked through it where now I'm actually trying to protect myself for the right reason. It's genuine self-advocacy and I'm like if you touch me again, I'm gonna break this glass on your head. Thank you, have a nice night. That doesn't actually make me feel physically the same way as if I were to randomly snap back at somebody for tickling me. It's not actually the same neurotransmitter pathway is not happening, so I'm still rewired myself by being like this is not my uncle. We need to actually take a beat here and get the full picture before you respond. And then, even if I choose to still respond out of anger, it's not actually fulfilling that same emotional addiction cycle. So do you see the difference?

Speaker 3: 40:22

But being able to run yourself through these questions is so important. And I think in this scenario with the barber again like do you see where you could ask yourself maybe like three or four simple questions, to the point where then you can say, like is this? You can tell, you're old enough now, you've had enough life experience. You can tell when someone has genuine creepy vibes. By the time you've gotten yourself four questions deep and you're like do I really do I genuinely feel like this guy has shown any sort of push up on me, cross my boundaries, sort of vibes? No, I don't. So am I safe right now? And is this an opportunity to rewire this? Yes, I am. I take a deep breath and I'm going to enjoy this process. That's going to be a very different end result than don't run, don't run, you can do this, you can do this, you can do this. Cheerleading doesn't actually break apart theological thought. We got to actually show our brains that we're actually not being reasonable right now.

Speaker 4: 41:17

Right, right, right, she gets another snap.

Speaker 2: 41:20

Another snap for that. Okay, a couple more snaps. What's crazy, though, is because I was thinking about I'm in this phase where I kind of love everybody, so I don't ever feel like I'm in harm's way. I don't know why, I know it's such a dangerous place to be in. But so I started to realize, like in my life, every time I have done something I was always the best version, I was of myself at that time. Time I have done something, I was always the best version. I was of myself at that time.

Speaker 2: 41:41

So if I believe that about me, then naturally I have to believe about others, you know, so it's always like, because of that, I'm very like forgiven and just kind of like easy, and you know it's like it's there's a reason behind it. I don't know what this person's going through. They have something they need to heal from. I don't think I could teach them a lesson, you know, let's just kind of keep it moving. So I think that that will be hard to kind of rewire, because I'm in that phase right now, like I'm still working on my rewiring, but child is a mess up in there.

Speaker 3: 42:15

So a couple of things. So with break method, the thing that we focus on first and foremost is mapping each person's brain pattern type. So we've found that everyone in the whole world can be distilled down to five brain pattern types. I already knew from you talking for a little bit which brain pattern type you were. But even your sexual abuse history falls directly into that brain pattern type and from what it's worth, it's the same one that I have into that brain pattern type and from what it's worth, it's the same one that I have.

Speaker 3: 42:44

So there are certain behaviors where, once we understand what that person's brain pattern type is, I can predict all of your future behavior to a point that would probably freak you out.

Speaker 3: 42:49

And because we can do that, that's how we can effectively know exactly what needs to be rewired. So even what you've just described, where you said that it's a phase that you're going through but my suspicion is that that's probably something that you're more inclined to do more than another person anyways which is to be potentially overly optimistic or to try to see the best in people. This can be a setup, right. You can try to be so glasses half full that you end up getting blindsided or do something that makes you in retrospect feel naive Like shit. I should have seen that coming. How did I get myself into this situation? So I do think that that's where, from the break method perspective, we need to understand each person's again that kind of map, if you will, of how a thought process becomes an action. Then that action kind of triggers the next phase of their emotional addiction cycle, because while that quality on its own seems really positive, that quality possibly could be working against you if it just is allowed to exist and is automatically looked at as purely positive.

Speaker 2: 43:52

Right and I was going to say, because I usually see it coming, I just let it happen Like I'm that person, because I'm in this point where it's like you know I want to, you know it's like I don't know what that person's going through, but I always like, I always know, I always afterwards there's the instinct, yeah I knew it was gonna happen that way, or I knew this was gonna happen.

Speaker 2: 44:09

I always tell people like it's, I don't know. I'm really horrible about like allowing myself to have intuition, or allowing my intuition to be present, maybe, maybe, like I have it, but I don't listen to it. You know, I'm like because I'm always thinking about, like the other person, like am I going to trigger something in them because of this intuition? Mm-hmm, you know.

Speaker 3: 44:31

So it was like, oh, Well, and for that reason, I think a lot of people struggle with intuition because they haven't done the work to figure out where it's contaminated by fear and programming Like where is the actual line? How do I know definitively that this is intuition, versus maybe just an assumption or a fear I have about this person? It's challenging, but I will say that by the end of break method that's something that clients typically report is that I actually know when I'm having real intuition now, because they've sorted through all those things and they know how to recognize when a message is more fear-based or where it fits more into their pattern. Versus. This is like true intuition does not come from the gut. You know how they'll say like you know like a gut feeling.

Speaker 3: 45:17

My clap back to that is. The only thing that's coming from your guts is your poop issues and your IBS and your constipation.

Speaker 2: 45:24

Usually it means I got to go to the bathroom.

Speaker 3: 45:26

That's what my gut, tells me.

Speaker 3: 45:28

As much as, like I want to honor that people really feel that way, but just logistically, on the physical and spiritual energetic levels. That's not where your intuition is coming from. That's where your instinct and instinct and intuition are very opposite of each other. And typically true intuition right, like that little magical spark of something that you shouldn't know, or like a, a piece of information that is outside of something that you've learned in a book right, it's something that you shouldn't know. That information is often going to be in direct conflict with your instinct.

Speaker 3: 46:03

Instinct wants to keep you safe. Intuition typically asks you to take some serious risk and go into places that you typically would avoid. So that's one of the steps that I try to work clients through is how to discern the difference between instinct and intuition, because they are, they're very contaminated. For most people they can't tell the difference and you can learn how to recognize the difference by going through and mapping them so now I guess let's talk about break a little more so just logistically, how break works or how to what you want, you know who benefits from it.

Speaker 2: 46:38

Who should try it? Why we should try it? You. Why we should try it, you know.

Speaker 3: 46:41

So I'll tell you from the perspective of people that come through break. Their feedback is every person on the planet needs to take break. They feel like it's owed to the community on the planet earth as a whole is that if every single person took break, we'd live in a completely different world, because people would be offering with not just self-awareness Cause I think a lot of people have been working toward awareness and my joke is kind of many of them just become more self-aware assholes but they don't actually change their behavior. Self-awareness only takes you up to a certain point. At a certain point you have to actually fundamentally rewire and start acting different. Otherwise we're just justifying the things that we know we do, but we're doing them anyways.

Speaker 3: 47:22

So break method can be used on individuals, couples or families. So we work with families, even with kids as young as toddler age. I think break method is incredibly effective for couples who feel like they're at the end of their rope, they're nearing divorce or have had a terrible experience with more traditional talk therapy couples therapy. We've found that break method cuts through that he said she said triangulation and actually gets people to completely heal and restore their relationship and understand where the other person's coming from instead of let's let your partner have a chance to talk, which is just like this, very patronizing, where naturally the therapist can be inclined toward. Even if they're not aware of it, they get pulled into one person's narrative. They end up picking sides, even if they don't want to pick sides. Break method, by the nature of it being a data analytics approach and it being highly structured, it makes it so that the behavior strategist cannot get involved. They don't get entangled with it because everything's just data. So the person that's facilitating the healing of that relationship, they can't infuse that relationship or their story with their own personal experience of it. And that's very intentional, because I think far too often the therapeutic experience gets broken down because the therapist starts to see themselves in the client where they can't see past their own lens, and then they're subjectively right through their own experience, seeing what the client is saying and they're reading into it. They're primed to see certain things that might not be there.

Speaker 3: 48:57

Break method is built to prevent client self-deception. So self-deception is when we're lying to ourselves but we don't realize we're lying to ourselves right, we can't see out of it. All we end up experiencing is the pain of the repetitive mistake, but we don't realize we've done something wrong until we're getting slapped in the face. So break method helps through that set structure, show you where the errors are in your thinking and why you're getting slapped in the face and why you think this is justified. But this is the very thing that's going to cause the situation that you don't want to be in, so that you have an opportunity to do it differently. So couples have an absolute game-breaking shift with break method.

Speaker 3: 49:35

We work with couples of all ages, but I would say in general, where we can be most effective are couples that have been married and want to save their marriage. Right Like both. There needs to be something where, to me, the more on the rocks things are, the more break will work for you. If you're like I just want to do some general self-exploration, break is not as much for the crowd. That's like I just want to generally self-explore, mostly because, not that those people won't have anything to gain from it, but because they might perceive that they don't have much like. They don't have that much to get out of it. Therefore, they're not willing to fully immerse themselves in it.

Speaker 3: 50:14

Right Like things aren't that good, but they're not that bad, they're just kind of in complacency. I prefer to work with couples that are like we're about to get divorced, we've got five kids, like I'll do anything to save my marriage because they're going to actually roll up their sleeves and do the work. So I we welcome those like emergent situations that some people would be like maybe you're better suited for this, like we, we want not that I want people to be in dire straits, but when you're at a certain phase of desperation I can help you better and faster because we can just cut the shit and get to work. If you feel like, oh well, I'm doing a little of this, a little bit of that, I'm going to go do an ayahuasca ceremony, it's hard for me to work with you at that point.

Speaker 1: 50:51

Cause you're not all in like if you're not going to be all in.

Speaker 3: 50:53

I can only do so much with you, um. So then, with the families we work with, whichever you know sometimes it's one parent and all the kids, sometimes it's mom and dad, sometimes it's mom and mom you name it. Whatever it is, we'll, we'll work with that family system. And then we also train and certify coaches, therapists and other mental health professionals in break method. Okay.

Speaker 2: 51:16

I feel like I don't know if I'd be good for it right now, cause my brain won't shut up, and I think that's my issue with any therapy or anything that I ever wanted.

Speaker 3: 51:24

Well, I mean, I think that's why you need to do break.

Speaker 2: 51:27

Really.

Speaker 3: 51:27

Cause I'm like I'll give it to you.

Speaker 2: 51:31

And then I'm meditating about what my meditation room is going to look like.

Speaker 3: 51:35

Yeah, I, I think you need to do break. I will gift it to you if you take it seriously, okay.

Speaker 2: 51:43

Yeah, because that's something. No pressure, except pressure. Let's do it. No, no, no definitely.

Speaker 3: 51:50

So your brain wandering into kind of more that escapist imaginary thinking. It's a different form of it, but that's basically ADHD. That's, it's a different form of it, but that's basically ADHD. Like what would get qualified as ADHD, where it's like I don't want to focus on this, so I'm going to it's avoidance, but you're avoiding into something that makes you feel good, right? So another way of saying it would be squirrel, right? You're trying to meditate. It's squirrel, squirrel, squirrel. Your mind can't stay focused.

Speaker 2: 52:14

For me it's fish, fish, fish, fish, fish, and somewhere in there is like I also take care of the world, my world. You know, I'm like the, I'm like the matriarch of our family I think you are for everybody though for everybody. It's like everybody comes to me for everything, so it's like I never have time for myself. So when I do have time for myself, I'm still thinking about everybody else it's like, which just fits the pattern that I already thought you were.

Speaker 3: 52:43

So it's the abandon, hold it all together pattern so deep down. You know you don't have to admit this out loud, but basically, with the abandonment pattern as the origin, low level of trust in others. Not that you can't love people, cause you're definitely a deep lover, but inherently like you, just you feel like someone's probably going to do something wrong or let you down. So you're putting everything on your plate and you're going to be that glue, you're going to be the peacekeeper, you're going to be the mediator. But that same reflex is what can get you into a situation where that pattern type is the most likely to experience prolonged sexual abuse and not say anything about it. Because that same thing that makes you just hold it all together and be the glue is the same thing that goes into the fawning response during a sexual abuse event, like I'll just get through it. I'll just get through it.

Speaker 3: 53:31

So there are ways. Obviously you can rewire anything, but with you the keys are going to be learning what a boundary is and what boundaries are reasonable, how to actually speak that boundary when the are going to be learning what a boundary is and what boundaries are reasonable, how to actually speak that boundary when the boundary needs to be spoken, and how to also let certain things fall apart, cause you should. It shouldn't all be your responsibility, right? There are probably ways that you're enabling people in your family, by being the matriarch, you're enabling them to not have to handle their own shit because they can just depend on you too much.

Speaker 2: 54:00

So there are ways that you're my problem not have to handle their own shit, because they can just depend on you too much so there are ways that you're with.

Speaker 2: 54:04

That, though, is guilt, because of course, like say something monetary, like someone's like hey, I need three hundred dollars for my light bill, I don't you know or like crystal not that she asked for money, but her light bill would be like eight hundred dollars. I just wanted to say that, like she has the world's largest light bill. I guess everybody does. I think when you have 18 kids that's what happens. But yeah, she, like her light bill is like $900. Like who pays that? It was $600.

Speaker 4: 54:28

That's crazy, isn't that crazy, like I feel like?

Speaker 2: 54:31

the most I've ever paid was like $103. You're like, so it's been.

Speaker 3: 54:36

Yeah, so the guilt, the guilt sets in, but the reality is that there's no, I feel like I'm gonna go buy it.

Speaker 2: 54:44

Sorry, to finish that thought, yeah, before. It's just that I always feel like, okay, I can give it to this person who needs lights, or I'm just gonna buy myself another coach bag, like you know. And it's not that I have the need to spend or anything like that, it's just that I know if I see something, I like I'm gonna get it. It's like, but I could just give it and be helpful, but it's like I now I am enabling because I keep being helpful, but it's like that. It's still that guiltful.

Speaker 3: 55:07

I'm like I'm just going to spend this on something else. Is this choice for this particular person in this situation actually benefiting them? So, for example, paying my mom has been in and out of addiction my whole life and there she'll be great for a year and then it'll be horrible for a year and I've learned that I could just pay for her forever. But that's not reasonable. It doesn't help her, it doesn't help me. So I have to be very specific.

Speaker 3: 55:49

Example would be I'm going to pay your rent at Sober Living for the first three months and the next three months you're going to pay half, and then after that, no matter what happens, no matter what sob story you give me, I have to be done on this date, we good. And then I have to do the work to hold myself to that, because my brain will want to back pedal and be like, oh, but she's your mom, Like you can afford it. This isn't really putting you out. That doesn't mean it's helping her. So it's. It has to be less about what you could do with that money and more like is this choice actually, even if it's helping them in the short term, is it hurting them in the long term? And a lot of the choices that we're doing with this brain pattern type that you and I have. They would hurt people in the long term, Right, right.

Speaker 3: 56:26

Because it's the nice thing to do, but it's not ever teaching them how to do it on their own.

Speaker 2: 56:30

No and I said yeah, I was one that was like 2024 is the year no for me. I don't think I said no yet and know yet, and, like we hear him, it's about to be march tomorrow. I'm still saying yes. So now, uh, before we wrap up, we get to a close, you know, um, one thing about our show is that we're often watched by people who are thinking or interested in healing, or feeling like, hey, I might need to do something. Life just isn't, but doesn't quite believe in mental health, and you know they have a curiosity about it. What would you say to that person to pursue that intuition or that instinct of, yeah, you need help? You know, I feel like, in a way, we all do, we all kind of need to kind of, like you said, rewire something.

Speaker 3: 57:15

So the reality is, every single person can benefit from something like this. Well, the reality is, every single person can benefit from something like this and even if your life isn't completely falling apart and it's not a complete dumpster fire and it's just a curiosity mark, however years old you are, do you want to spend the rest of your life like that, with your light dimmed, repeating bad decisions, dating the same guy or girl over and over again, even though their name or their hair color has changed, or do you want to free yourself and cut the shit and change the rest of your life? It's literally your one decision, away from just saying I want to cut the shit and actually heal. And for a lot of people and I would say my entire business is built off of people that don't believe in traditional talk therapy or have not had positive experiences there, believe in traditional talk therapy or have not had positive experiences there there's a way to get this done that isn't talking about your story and your feelings all the time. There is a way to do it that's a lot more process oriented, kind of like get in, get out, efficient, where it's not just going to be passing a tissue box and then like see you next week. See you next week?

Speaker 3: 58:15

For a lot of people, that is the thing that holds them back is like yeah, but how? But how long? Like what is that going to look like? We are the we're the opposite of the. See you next week. You give me 16 to 20 weeks and you'll be on your way for the rest of your life. So take the chance. You really don't have anything to lose. You only have things to gain.

Speaker 4: 58:35

Okay, and I believe, because I went and I seen a therapist and I repeated the same story over and over and over because, like, one left, so I had to tell a different person, and then that person left, and then I had to tell a different person and it came to the point where I just gave up and I just stopped going because it was just the same point, and then same thing. All that gets brought back up of the reason why you're in there, and then they're talking about it and they're like, oh well, you know, here's this medicine and here's this medicine, and by the time I was on eight different types of medicine and I was like a zombie.

Speaker 3: 59:17

So and I know this might be hard for some people to hear, but that so that's called narrative right, where you're just telling your story over and over again. It's basically unusable. That holds no valuable information. That's all subjective. It doesn't hold the data that actually will set you free.

Speaker 3: 59:36

So there's a very specific way to get out what did make you you completely separate of your story, so like in break method, you would never have to do that. The first appointment is 20 minutes long. I get everything I need in 20 minutes and at the end people are like, oh my God, that was it. That was actually fun. So imagine doing that. And then I have everything I need. Where now we're just getting to work and we're almost we're looking at your brain pattern mapping more like a lawyer and a detective, like where how can we roll up our sleeves and look at this more like a detective or like a scientist rather than be in it experiencing the feelings? Because ultimately, the feelings are part of what's keeping you stuck and hooked into it. Right, that's what's making you act like that emotional addict I actually had a really great therapist.

Speaker 2: 1:00:21

I just want to say they are some good therapists in this world.

Speaker 3: 1:00:23

Oh for sure, there are some good ones.

Speaker 2: 1:00:26

I saw her for two years before she broke up with me, but one thing that she did I love that you're, that's hold it all together.

Speaker 3: 1:00:32

You're here. You're here fighting for that therapist and she broke up with you.

Speaker 2: 1:00:36

She broke up with me, but you know what Her mission was. She realized, kind of, I didn't talk. You know, that was my biggest thing. I didn't talk. I always kept everything inside. You know, I can have a conversation but I never really said anything. And that's to her it's like you're giving me words but you're not saying nothing. Once I started being able to talk, she says now, talk to the world. You know, it's like talk to the people you love, go out there and and and it was really cool. I thought that was a really cool. You know, she never really tried. She didn't put me on medicine, all those kind of things. It was just like she just wanted me to open up. And now she realized, okay, your family needs to hear these things or you need to talk to people you love. And I thought that that was kind of and it's what started me on my journey, you know so I I kind of you know, so I just want to say that a little bit.

Speaker 3: 1:01:19

And I train therapists literally all the time, so I know that there are amazing therapists out there. I just think that in general, the trend in talk therapy has become a turnoff to a lot of people, and there's a time and a place for it, and then there's also a time and a place for other modalities as well.

Speaker 2: 1:01:35

Yeah, definitely, and I think that's kind of what our basis and our podcast is built on is that? There is a method for everybody, and as long as you're out there searching for your method, I believe you're going to find it, you know.

Speaker 3: 1:01:53

And hey, it sounds like. If you don't want to break, then break you know.

Speaker 2: 1:01:56

So I'm definitely going to try it out, and so we'll be in contact about that. Yeah, thank you so much for being on.

Speaker 3: 1:02:03

I'm a list all of your contact details, of course, in the episode Any final words for our audience, last things that you want to say Just don't, don't sleep on it. This life can be amazing and I just I go back to what you're saying about I don't want to have kids because of the way the world is right now. We have to remember that we do have the ability to change the world and sometimes they can feel like the world is this boogeyman that's out of control. But when you take the steps to heal yourself, you can start to see where you can make an impact in changing the world and I just, I want that for everybody. My podcast tagline is build the world you want to live in, don't just complain about it. So I think if we can become less complainers and more doers builders the world will ultimately heal.

Speaker 2: 1:02:46

So that's it all right cool and also, yes, your podcast is amazing. I'm gonna listen to, I'm gonna continue to listen to it. I feel like just there's some disclaimer, there's some wild stuff on there, like I don't I'm willing, I'm willing to go to all the dark places.

Speaker 3: 1:03:00

A lot of people won't go, so just just know that I'm here for the deep conversations. Uh, and that might ruffle some feathers, so just just know that definitely like your barber would want to cut me is basically the barber that fired you, she would really not like me like we have those conversations up here all the time, so our audience is used to it.

Speaker 2: 1:03:23

Look, we're just a little different because, like I said, I live under a rock so I don't even know who the president is. Um, but yeah, your conversation, your your podcast is really, really amazing I don't think he knows who he is either.

Speaker 3: 1:03:35

I don't know. I hear that.

Speaker 2: 1:03:36

All I know is they say he falls upstairs a lot and I just think it's hilarious, like how do you fall up the stairs. But anyway, thank you guys for watching, thank you so much for being on and we will see you next week.

Speaker 4: 1:03:50

Peace, love and blessings.

Speaker 2: 1:03:51

Thank you.