Ever found yourself uttering 'yes' when every fiber of your being screams 'no'? Buckle up for a riotous yet soul-stirring ride on "These Fucking Feelings," where my colleagues Crystal, our new co-host, and I, Micah, link arms with the indomitable Sheryl Green. We reckon with the art of setting boundaries and the liberation that comes with the tiny, powerful word 'no,' as Sheryl unfurls insights from her groundbreaking book, "You Had Me at No." It's a chapter in life that many of us skip but desperately need to read—and we're about to narrate it together, laughter included.
Stripping away the facade of the never-tiring giver, this episode peels back the guilt and reveals the raw necessity of self-care. From my personal anecdotes of resilience during the despair of a global pandemic to the grassroots of animal rescue, we lay bare the transformative journey that leads to the critical realization that refueling oneself isn't selfish—it's survival. And in a world where abundance guilt and enabling others can deplete our reserve, we're flipping the script to prioritize mental health and well-being with the same vigor we extend to those we love.
Bear witness to the empowerment that comes from speaking out and using our experiences as a beacon for others navigating the dark. Through my tales of clinical depression and Sheryl's poignant storytelling, we underscore the relentless pursuit of healing and the continuous evolution of the self. This episode isn't just about the sorrows and the setbacks—it's a celebration of unexpected joys, the humor that lightens our days, and the relationships that reflect back the love we must first extend to ourselves. Join us for an episode that isn't just heard but felt, as we champion a path to self-awareness and assert the boundaries necessary for a life well-lived.
Join the conversation and share your journey with us using #TheseFuckingFeelings, #SayNoMore, #EmpowermentThroughNo, #YouHadMeAtNo, #SettingBoundaries, #MentalHealthAwareness, #SelfCareIsntSelfish, #HealingJourneys, #JoyInSelfCare, and #LoveYourselfFirst. Let's spread the word and help others find the strength to prioritize their well-being and assert their boundaries for a healthier, more fulfilling life.
#traumaisexpensive #TheseFukkenFeelingsPodcast
Ever found yourself uttering 'yes' when every fiber of your being screams 'no'? Buckle up for a riotous yet soul-stirring ride on "These Fucking Feelings," where my colleagues Crystal, our new co-host, and I, Micah, link arms with the indomitable Sheryl Green. We reckon with the art of setting boundaries and the liberation that comes with the tiny, powerful word 'no,' as Sheryl unfurls insights from her groundbreaking book, "You Had Me at No." It's a chapter in life that many of us skip but desperately need to read—and we're about to narrate it together, laughter included.
Stripping away the facade of the never-tiring giver, this episode peels back the guilt and reveals the raw necessity of self-care. From my personal anecdotes of resilience during the despair of a global pandemic to the grassroots of animal rescue, we lay bare the transformative journey that leads to the critical realization that refueling oneself isn't selfish—it's survival. And in a world where abundance guilt and enabling others can deplete our reserve, we're flipping the script to prioritize mental health and well-being with the same vigor we extend to those we love.
Bear witness to the empowerment that comes from speaking out and using our experiences as a beacon for others navigating the dark. Through my tales of clinical depression and Sheryl's poignant storytelling, we underscore the relentless pursuit of healing and the continuous evolution of the self. This episode isn't just about the sorrows and the setbacks—it's a celebration of unexpected joys, the humor that lightens our days, and the relationships that reflect back the love we must first extend to ourselves. Join us for an episode that isn't just heard but felt, as we champion a path to self-awareness and assert the boundaries necessary for a life well-lived.
Join the conversation and share your journey with us using #TheseFuckingFeelings, #SayNoMore, #EmpowermentThroughNo, #YouHadMeAtNo, #SettingBoundaries, #MentalHealthAwareness, #SelfCareIsntSelfish, #HealingJourneys, #JoyInSelfCare, and #LoveYourselfFirst. Let's spread the word and help others find the strength to prioritize their well-being and assert their boundaries for a healthier, more fulfilling life.
#traumaisexpensive #TheseFukkenFeelingsPodcast
you don't have to be positive all the time. It's perfectly okay to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared and anxious. Having feelings doesn't make you a negative person. It doesn't even make you weak. It makes you human and we are here to talk through it all. We welcome you to these fucking feelings podcast, a safe space for all who needs it. Grab a drink and take a seat. The session begins now.
Speaker 2:What is up my people? Welcome to an episode of these Fucking Feelings Podcast. I almost said the wrong name, right, but I'm gonna explain why. We have two podcasts. So we have a sister podcast Trauma is Expensive, so I almost said that name, but okay. But this is these Fucking Feelings Podcast, and I am Micah I have Crystal here with me, producer and our new co-host. She's stepping up a little bit Now. Let's see if we can get her to ask Cheryl a question. So we got her in front of the camera, cheryl. Now. We just got to get her to talk, okay. So we got her in front of the camera, cheryl, now. We just got to get her to talk. Okay. And our special guest today is Cheryl Green. Now, cheryl, I could go through like this whole introduction and try to introduce you, but, like we believe here, your story is your story and we want you to give it to our followers, our audience. If you don't mind, just tell us a little bit about yourself.
Speaker 3:Awesome, yeah. So first, thanks for having me on the show. I'm excited. I am a mental health speaker and an author. I've got six books published, including one coloring book and my latest. It's super fun. My latest, my latest one, is called you had me at know how setting healthy boundaries helps Spanish burnout, repair relationships and, uh, save your sanity. And it's 40 plus years in the making of having to learn those lessons. Um, what else do you need to know about me? I just got married this past March, and thank you. And I have two amazing rescue dogs One of them is probably going to snore at some point during this episode and I have 130 plus houseplants Wow.
Speaker 2:Wow, yeah, it's in my office. Michael bought it for me. I've kept it alive this long. Every morning I go in and I kiss it. I'm like good morning. I think that's why it's alive. It can do well.
Speaker 3:Plants need love too.
Speaker 2:If you bought a plant, they can't be killed.
Speaker 1:I knew who I was getting it to.
Speaker 2:Like do not ask Crystal to come house, sit your plants. I'm like water. That's a question because you got over 130 something house plants. Like when you travel, do people come water your plants for you? Is that like a real thing?
Speaker 3:So they usually last for about a week without being watered. So if we are gone longer than that, I do actually have a plant friend who will come over and take care of them. Um, because my plant, my pet sitter, doesn't necessarily need to touch plants right so yeah, we've got, we've got special care for them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, my mom has plants and she keeps ordering them. So, just for the audience, I always make sure I put out this disclaimer my mama lives with me. Okay, I don't live with my mama, I pay the bills, so let's just point that out. I'm not a scrub, okay so, but I love my mama, she's my best friend, but she was gone last week. She had to be in New York City for something and when she was coming home, we were driving home and she was like, did you order the plants? And I'm like no, no, I saw them, I looked at them. They looked like they was alright. So now I saw, I looked at them. They looked at the tables, alright. So now let's get into this your book. So it is say it again oh, my god, it's good so it's you had me at no.
Speaker 2:How setting healthy boundaries helps banish burnout, repair relationships and save your sanity see now, like I need all that, so I like so, but okay, so you had me at no. Is that learning how to say no?
Speaker 3:it is um, so it's, it's the, it's everything around it, it's the benefits of saying no, it's what that like the doors that that opens up for you, and it's really the importance of knowing that it's okay to, and I always like go back to you know, everybody's heard that old adage like no is a complete sentence. And yeah, I mean it's true, it is a complete sentence grammatically.
Speaker 3:Yes, all good um, but the problem is so many of us dealing with boundary issues we don't know that we can actually say no, we don't know that we have permission and the right to say no, and without that that's just like a you know fluffy bullshit, kind of you know happyism definitely.
Speaker 2:Well, you know, I was here, I was yes, I was yes, yes, yes to everything. And then this year, 2024, I said it was gonna be my no year, right, because unfortunately I was re-diagnosed with cancer and I feel like I I wasn't taking care of myself because I was so busy taking care of other people that I let this bastard come back into my life when I thought we broke up a long time ago, you know. So now it's like 2024 is my year of no, but I don't know what that means yet. You know, it's like. I know that I need to say no to a lot of things, I need to stop overextending myself in so many ways, but it's still very hard for me to see people struggle in any kind of way. So I'm like a person that helps people out monetarily, emotionally, physically. You know I I don't don't ask me no kids, though I draw the line of kids. But you know it was like everybody came to me for everything. It's, it's, uh, you know, like people say, hey, talk about plants. I was pouring water into so many people, but nobody was giving me water. I like that, yeah. So then I started to realize like now, here I am and I'm sick and people are still asking for water and it's like, hello, I can't. I'm sick, like I need to, I need my water, right, I need to focus on me and and this, you're seeing me in a good day because I had. So I had cancer.
Speaker 2:Um, I was about to come up on my fourth year in remission on Valentine's Day and and in December I was told that it was back. So it was a really, really like I'm so close to that five-year mark and, you know, thinking about dealing with cancer, and they're like, hey, it's back. So it's like it caused a lot of rock bottoms, you know, even to the point like I felt like I brought it on myself, because I kind of lived my life preparing for it. You know, I live preparing for cancer to come back. You know, like I knew it was going to happen and I feel like, wow, did I manifest this?
Speaker 2:You know, so it was like I had a lot of questions that coming back, but it caused like a really deep depression and in that depression, when I felt like other people should have been there for me, there was nobody there and then I said I keep giving to all these people who I love and I know, love me. But where is that love? Why can't I see it when I need it the most? So it's like, okay, now I need to overcompensate for myself and love myself more and don't give it to everybody else because your cup is empty, is it? That cup is dry.
Speaker 3:I'm like I just need a rain he still gives love though I, I does yeah um, so maybe, maybe, this will help, um, I so the original, uh title of this book was called intentional decision-making. Ooh, exciting, right, but there was a reason that, like that phrase was popping around in my head and it was because I, like you, had a problem with yes, vomit, and that is like gross to some people. However, when you think about it, like, if you're a people pleaser, if you want to do everything for everybody, then yes is coming flying out of your mouth before the question has even been asked. You know, can you? Yes, uh-huh, absolutely. What do you need? Yep, for sure, I'm there. Yep, yep, I will. I will do this, I will do that. I'll lend you money, I'll take care of this. Don't ask me about the kids. That's not a good plan, me neither. We're just like puking yes at people and the whole point of the book and of intentional decision-making and all of that, it's not to say like screw you to the world. It's really not like I still love doing things for people that I care about.
Speaker 3:Today, I did a um, an unpaid speaking engagement for a non-profit, because I knew that the, the population they served, could benefit from what I have, from what I have to give, like I'm not saying no, screw you, I'm never doing anything for anyone. Um, it's more about kind of stopping that yes on it and going through your, your head, your body, like do I want to do this? Do I have the resources to do this? Um, and the third part of of what I say is am I willing to give something else up in order to do this? And if the answer to all of those things is yes, go, do it serve. You know, give the money, do the talk, do whatever it is to help others. But you have to check in with yourself because, like you're finding out, if you just give, give, give, you've got nothing left over.
Speaker 2:You know, my problem was that I felt like I've been so blessed with an abundance. So it's like how dare you say no? You know, it's like that's the. You know, how dare you say no when you're going to turn around and buy a three hundred dollar pair of sneakers? You say no when you're going to turn around and buy a $300 pair of sneakers. You know, and it's like, you know, is it somebody's lights getting turned off? Yeah, saying no to that worth proving the point when I'm just going to go and spend it anyway. You know, and it's. But then it's like am I enabling people? Cause I continue to do it, you know. So it's like now I'm trying to think about it, but I'm still lost in all the answers Like this is my biggest struggle. I'm in a healing journey and my biggest struggle is the weight of everybody else.
Speaker 2:That has always been attached to me, and it's like I know what it's like to lose my own weight. You know, I know what it's like to shed those negative energies and those spirits and those things. But I think that's why you do it, though, is because you know what it's like to shed those negative energies and those spirits and those things. But I think that's why you do it, though, is because you know how it feels. So you just want to give, because you don't want them to feel like that, right, but I feel like people have to want it for themselves, do you agree? People have to want to heal, but how? How do you get a society to heal when people think they don't have anything to heal from?
Speaker 3:Right, oh, that is a way bigger problem than we can handle. You know, I really I think it does go back to what you said, like are you enabling people? And look, there are some people that for sure need our help. Like there is absolutely no question. But I had a coach once who said I am responsible to you, not for you. And when we take on that responsibility, like oh well, if you can't turn your lights on, I'm responsible for that. If you don't have someone to watch your, your pets, I'm responsible for that. You, you know, if, if you're not meeting your own needs, it is my responsibility to take care of those and, honestly, unless they're minors, that are in your charge. You know, you don't? You don't? Yeah, you mean, there I got dogs and now I have step kids, but they're adults.
Speaker 2:So we're good. Are you married?
Speaker 3:Are you like? Okay, they're 27 and 31. No one's coming to me for like parenting advice, but yeah, I mean, it really is like realizing like, hey, the only person in this world that you're responsible for is you Right, right, and you can help people when you can, but you, you can't give yourself up to do it.
Speaker 2:I know and I it's just like, it's like. But enough about me, let's talk about you, and I want to know how we got to start from the beginning, because I know you got this headlight story right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I do, I do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the beginning of your mental health journey, wasn't it?
Speaker 3:Uh, it was one of them. I've had a few mental health journeys, um, so yeah, what was that? I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:I think we'll always have some kind of we're going to climb one mountain and then look up and it's like there's the next one.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I was. It was about two and a half years ago and I I had I had gone through a clinical depression in my late twenties and what got me out of it was service to others, was I got involved in animal rescue and I found purpose and I found just gratitude and I found a way to use my skills to make the world a better place and to help out the animals. And it felt amazing. What it also did was it created this perfect breeding ground for someone with unhealthy boundaries. Because I was like, well, I can throw everything I've got into these animals and into this organization. I can give up my identity, I can give up my energy. I can not pay my bills because nonprofits don't pay a lot, but I was like, let me give everything I can to this rescue.
Speaker 3:And during COVID I had a writing business and all of my clients just disappeared overnight, which I know many, many business owners have that story during COVID and I threw myself completely into the rescue and as my clients started coming back and as I realized that like, oh hey, I'm not making enough to keep a roof over my head and kibble in the dog's bowl, I have to take my clients back and I got to this point. I was working, like I don't know, 15, 16 hour days at the rescue. I was working with all of my clients in the evenings. My parents were getting older. I was taking care of them. I was still taking on non-profit not non-profit volunteer roles in other organizations. I just kept piling it on and I was crying constantly and I cry a lot to begin with, so that's not like a huge thing, but I didn't stop.
Speaker 2:Are you an ugly crier?
Speaker 3:I don't think so. I think I'm a cute crier.
Speaker 2:It was a very important question. I've never seen like Crystal goes from. Like crystal goes from like, you know, this beautiful person you see right now to a munchkin Like I'm like, oh my God, were you created by Jim Henson? Oh sorry. And now that's what pulled me out of crying is, I think, of Micah saying you're an ugly crying.
Speaker 1:So then I'll stop and I'll go you gotta be beautiful me out of crying is. I think of Micah saying you're an ugly crying. So then I'll stop and I'll go how horrible.
Speaker 2:And I'm sitting here hosting a mental health podcast, but I don't give her the chance to cry. I'm like you about to make me cry, not because of what you're saying, just because you're ugly. No, I'm just joking. I love you, I love.
Speaker 3:You know it's, it's funny, cause when I was younger I never used to cry in front of everybody Like I would like go hide in the bathroom, and it just got to the point, like you know, like mid twenties, late twenties, when I was going through the depression. And then this experience, like I'm like I don't care who sees me, I'm crying everywhere.
Speaker 3:But you do like you just get to this, like I don't care who's easy, I'm crying everywhere, um, but you do like you just get to this, like you're just full and it just has to come out. And I was resentful of the people I cared about, like people I love, and I wanted to help. I was angry, I was sad all the time. I was snapping at people Like it was bad. And one day I was driving down the road it was like dusk and you know, the headlights were starting to come on and I, I saw them and I was like, hey, if I just kind of cross over the median, like I don't have to deal with any of this ever again, um, and it scared the shit out of me. I mean, I, I even when I was at my lowest like.
Speaker 3:I still, I never contemplated suicide and this was like a Whoa um, something bad, um, and I realized, you know, I talked myself down from it. I was like, look like, if I'm gone, I can't take care of my parents, I can't take care of my dogs, I can't be there to to speak for, for animals, for homeless animals, um. And so I pulled over and I I cried um in a cute way, and then I just kind of had this moment where I was like, okay, something major needs to change and I went. I went on this journey, you know, and thank goodness I did, because my life is much better, and so are many other people who I've had the opportunity to share this with.
Speaker 2:And we wouldn't be here having a conversation about fires. You know Exactly. Now, of course, I cut you off and I'm sorry. I know you had a question. I wanted to know about the coloring book. Oh yeah, I thought she know about the coloring book. Oh yeah, I thought she was going to come out and say this is why I don't let her talk. Well, you weren't going to ask about the coloring book.
Speaker 3:You don't have kids, so it's not for kids. Do not give this to your children. There's curse words in there. Well, just one you can tear that page out.
Speaker 3:If you need to. I in there. Well, just one. You can tear that page out if you need to. Um, I actually like I was on a podcast and look, I never know what's going to come out of my mouth. Enjoy editing this, guys. Um, I never know what's going to come out. And a friend was interviewing me on his TV show and he was like, so what's next? Like my book had just come out and I sat there and I thought about it for a second. I was like I'm going to make a coloring book. And he just kind of stared at me. This was August. He goes okay, he's like are you an artist? I was like not at all. He goes how are you going to do it? And I was like I have no idea.
Speaker 1:But it'll be out in time for.
Speaker 3:Christmas okay yes yes, god bless canva. If anybody has not yet worked on that program, it's like photoshop for idiots right?
Speaker 2:amazing, I didn't see it on your website, though. Is that book on your website, the book?
Speaker 3:it's okay. So this is the first time I've ever had somebody else do my website and I actually haven't had him update it, um so. So yes, if you go to youhadmeatnocom, which is my other website that I do all the things to, it's on there.
Speaker 2:Okay, cause I was like I know about five books and then when you said six, I'm like are you trying to?
Speaker 3:tell me, I don't know how to research. No, I've, I've got got a couple out, couple out, there it's. It's been a journey yeah.
Speaker 2:Well, your book is something I definitely want to buy, but I want to autograph copies, so we need to work that out for sure, for sure, I can do that.
Speaker 3:I need to have tears on it if I'm having a rough day and of course too, it's okay to ugly cry.
Speaker 2:Okay it is. It is like, well, they know, for real, I mean, we joke a lot. That's one thing we do here. We do joke a lot, but she knows that she needs a moment. You know, like, take it Me, on the other hand. So when I was like first diagnosed with cancer years ago it's been like a 16-year battle I had a chemical imbalance with it and I cried like every day Like it went. Really strange to them, people were just used to it. So we're having a conversation.
Speaker 2:They're like hey what's popping up, like nothing. It's like what? You've been about to have some breakfast, like it was really really, really, really bad. So I ended up having like HCGs, which is like the pregnancy hormone, yeah. So I went through like a lot of like pregnant feelings and I'm like lord, I do not know why you do this to women.
Speaker 2:Like I wanted a milky way and do you know, I went to six stores and they did not have no milky ways and you cried, and I cried because I cried so hard over these milky ways, like I had street teams out so that I could like my friends was like no, we're gonna get to a movie. You about to have all the milky ways you want, but you know what I think about? Uh, it's always funny because it's one thing I do use against women when they, like you don't know what it's like to be pregnant and I'm like I'm still pregnant, okay you don't know what it's like to be okay, have your baby.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm still pregnant with mine. All right, so I know so. But yeah, it's like the emotion behind it is crazy. You know like to wake up and be like I'm ugly and I'm like is this like I'm fat? Oh, my god, nobody loves me like bitch. You've been next to a whole man welcome to being a woman, thank you.
Speaker 3:Thank you for understanding our plight, you know what I always think about like the spirit.
Speaker 2:There's a spiritual reason behind it, because I'm like I don't know why. I'm the person I gotta understand. I don't want kids, okay I want you to show every other man what we go through.
Speaker 3:Well, it would help if I wasn't gay you have a platform though like think about how many people you get to reach with this that the guys are like maybe I should understand. Maybe I should get her a damn Milky Way when she asks me for one if she asks, you'll ask her to go get her a cheesecake.
Speaker 2:Go get her a cheesecake. I wouldn't say she cries ugly.
Speaker 3:I'm never going to live that one down, Micah.
Speaker 2:Do as I say, not as I do. Okay, so no. So okay, now back to writing, Because I feel like all of your books are mental health related, aren't they?
Speaker 3:So they started now back to writing like because I feel like all of your books are mental health related, aren't they? So they started out that way. My first book was Surviving to Thriving how to Overcome Setbacks and Rock your Life, and that was pretty much a book on resilience. It was everything I dealt with up until that point my childhood, a windbanger of a divorce, like all the things, and then going through that depression. And you know, my rock bottom moment was on the floor of the bathroom, just curled up in the fetal position, hysterical crying, and I didn't. I couldn't get up and I honestly didn't care if I ever did.
Speaker 2:Wow get up and.
Speaker 1:I honestly didn't care if I ever did.
Speaker 2:Wow, you know and that and you're cause you were a clinical depression like a diagnosis by a psychiatrist or that um that led to a diagnosis.
Speaker 3:Um, my, my step-mom kind of pulled me off off the bathroom floor and was like hey, this is not you, something's wrong. Um, and I did, I. I reached out to a therapist and I was on medication for maybe five months to to get everything straightened out. Um, but that was also when, like, volunteering came into my life.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:Um, so it's it's. It's hard, especially like my background is in forensic psychology. Like I, I went to school to be a profiler and to understand like all this, like abnormal psychology, and then to go through it right and be like yo, the textbooks do not prepare you for this shit.
Speaker 3:They do not. They don't like you, like when you're actually in depression or you're actually in anxiety and you're like, well, what did the textbook say about that? Like does not do a damn thing, um, so yeah, it was. It was kind of a um, it was definitely a journey, but writing the book was um, part cathartic experience for me and then part, like I can't be the only one that's feeling this way, like let me share this experience through a non-clinical lens. Like I am not a therapist, like, but those books didn't help me. So let me share this, this experience, as somebody who's been on that bathroom floor, um, who's been driving into oncoming traffic and like, wait, what am I doing? Um, so yeah, so it kind of.
Speaker 3:It kind of started out like that and then I took people's advice that I shouldn't have taken. I it, so much in my life has come down to that. I decided I wanted to be a speaker and people were like, well, nobody will pay for personal development topics, so you should talk about something that affects business. And I was like, okay, I've been writing content for business for a while now. I started out writing books with fiction. So I have this background in storytelling, like why don't I teach storytelling? And it kind of like went from there. So all of my books are for sure like steps along the journey. Um, but now I'm I'm back to personal development, I'm back to that mental health aspect and I'm back to helping people live better lives and feel better about themselves and be healthier.
Speaker 2:Okay, now it's upon a bottom line.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's a good name right.
Speaker 2:Yes, I was like I just got to get this book too. So that's another one I got to get right, because I'm like, once upon this bottom line.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so let's talk about that a little bit. You know it's funny. I some books. You write the entire book and then at the very end you're like, oh shit, I need a title um and some books, they come with a title and then you figure out what the book is about, and that was one of those. Like no joke, amazing things happen when I shut up for a few minutes.
Speaker 3:I went to this like meditation they tell me I talk too much all the time secretly when you said that, like you need to take that advice, shut the fuck up to you, but if you heard something in it like far be it for me, you shouldn't have seen.
Speaker 2:Crystal's eyes when you said it, you know she was like giving me like the side eye when you're quiet, like shut the fuck up, micah. I'm sorry, I mean when he writes poetry and books. He just needs to be quiet.
Speaker 1:No, but let me tell you, I wrote one book, right?
Speaker 2:And I don't advertise it. I don't even know how it's selling, but I did write a book, right?
Speaker 1:Oh, you can't even see it, can you no?
Speaker 2:But let me tell you, I sat down and I wrote this book and I swore it was a thousand pages long. Right, it's called Love Beyond the Battle.
Speaker 3:I love that.
Speaker 2:Journey of Cancer and Redemption. So it was about my basically my remission story and I actually survived cancer through love, like I had to learn. I learned to love cancer and I feel like it was through loving it that I was able to get rid of it. It's pretty weird. I wrote the book and I was like this is going to be 1,000 pages long. Then I got it printed and it was 62 pages. I was like that's my book. I put my whole life in this and that's it 62 pages. My story is 62 pages. Maybe I do need to shut the fuck up.
Speaker 3:Um, I uh, so yeah, so I was, um, I went to this meditation retreat with a friend of mine and I was sitting outside, um, hoping that nothing was crawling on me, and I was quiet for the first time in god only knows how long, and I literally that title popped into my head like once upon a bottom line. And I'm just sitting there it's a good title.
Speaker 3:I'm like what the hell is this like? Where did this come from? Like what is it like? You talk about divine downloads? Like that was just pure, like all right, I'm meant to do something. And then I walked in and I used to have the card up on near my desk. I don't anymore. But I was like, okay, like universe, give me a sign.
Speaker 3:Like if I'm supposed to do something, like I need more concrete evidence, like I I don't, I don't listen very well, um, and I walked into the retreat center's main office, whatever you call it, and they have this card on the table that says share your story and help others. And I was like like it was just their comment card, um, but I was like okay, and I, I, I started writing the book and I started doing like workshops and stuff around it and it helps for sure. I mean, storytelling for sales is important, and I still like do those workshops every once in a while. But it just it wasn't, it wasn't filling like that, that sole need for me, um. So I kept, I kept going and I kept writing and eventually this one came.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I thought, I thought like oh my God, great, great, great title. But I wanted to go back now to something that you said earlier. Number one it was your step-mom picking you up off the floor. Now there's a lot of people out there that don't have a stepmom or people to to do that for them, and there are times I know I was one of those people, and it's not that I didn't have it. I just never had a voice to share what I was going through, so thought my world was fine, when really it was like, uh, the transformers and the Megatrons internally at war and somewhere there's still fish.
Speaker 3:Gotta get the fish in there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the fish is still there, so it's not gonna work. And I guess my question, if it was a question right, if I could get to it, shut up and get to the question. Okay, what do you say to a person or what advice could you give a person who feels like they just don't care if they don't get up?
Speaker 3:The world needs you. Someone needs you. You know, sometimes it's it is easier to help someone else when you can't help yourself, and I say that having gone from one like one side of the pendulum all the way to the other. There is that happy medium. But sometimes you are not in a position to focus on your own problems and going out there volunteering helping somebody else and that was what my stepmom said to me. She said, like this isn't you go help someone else? Um? And if you you don't have the stepmom there to say that, um, you're gonna have to dig deep and you're gonna have to realize that if you're not there, someone is going to suffer right.
Speaker 3:Right, so even if you can't be there for yourself in that moment, be there for someone else and and know that it's actually going to help heal you too, right?
Speaker 2:I've never said that on this show, you know, it's always about yourself, yourself, yourself, yourself, yourself. It's true. No, you know, I feel like you can't take care of people if you don't take care of yourself. But then also I know that the first time I started loving myself is when I fell in love with somebody else, because I saw it wasn't you, crystal. But I felt like this person was so great or is so great that they deserve this kind of person. And I'm not that person. So I use love as a mirror to help me now go search for myself. And now I ain't with that person, no more. But hey, you know it was.
Speaker 3:But you made their life better.
Speaker 2:Right and I realized that I was the one deserve more love and I was given more than I deserved and I was holding them at a pedestal when really they were like part of the reason for my downfall. So you know, but it was. It was in seeing that kind of like what you said. It was like in wanting to be there so much for him, I end up being there for me but also seeing so that, yeah, that's really good advice. That was really really dope there's.
Speaker 3:There's like one other aspect to this and it's like I know, when you're in that state and you're so low, it's really hard to imagine that anybody else feels the way that you do. Right, you're like I am the only one in the history of humanity that has ever like been on a bathroom floor crying like you know, why am I even here? And I used to teach this when I talked about storytelling. There is, depending on the scientist you listen to, there's somewhere between seven and like 42 emotions, like human emotions across the board, like even if there's 42, let's go with the high number.
Speaker 2:Like 142.
Speaker 3:Seriously, there's billions of people on this planet. Do you honestly think you have the market cornered on sadness?
Speaker 2:Do you know how hard it is to cry and laugh at the same time? Do you know how hard it is to cry and laugh, and I do it cutely.
Speaker 3:Realizing that you are, that you're experiencing something that other people have experienced are experiencing, and realizing that when you open up to other people, it actually gives them the freedom and the space and the encouragement that they get to open up to other people. It actually gives them the freedom and the space and the encouragement that they get to open up to you. Right, right, um. So, again, like it's you said, the show is all about you. Like it's not all about you. Um, like there's we're, we're all experiencing this cluster, cluster F. I'm trying not to curse that much, but I guess, considering the title of your podcast, I shouldn't worry, yeah, of these like human emotions, like we're all experiencing it. So like when you share, you're actually doing a good thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, but I'm gonna tell you this emotion. I feel like no one else feels this way ever in history. Right was talking to somebody over the weekend. I was traveling and, um, you know, just get it random.
Speaker 2:I am the person that always ends up in a random conversation with people everybody just pulls to him yeah and it's like and you know it was it was really bad, because it was like well, I always tell I was telling them about one conversation. I get on the plane. A woman sits next to me and she looks at me and she says where you're going to. And she's like, where are you flying to? And I'm like we are on the same plane, like I just wanted to put my headphone on and have a moment to myself, but then I realized I said okay, wait, maybe she needs somebody. Don't be selfish, let's hear out. So she's on her way to Germany. And do you know what my follow up is? When she tells me that? I hear, I hear there's a lot of Germans there.
Speaker 2:I said you know what, I should have just left her alone. I'm trying to be a good person and I should have just left it alone. She looks at me and luckily she just like laughed and I was like I'm sorry, I just I didn't. You know, I don't like to fly. That's my excuse. It's like I don't like to fly, I don't like to be in environments I can't control Right. So mine is one of them. I'm not in control of this airplane and you know, even though the pilot was cute or whatever, I don't know. You know he ain't drunk. You know what I'm saying, so so I want you know, but I did have to take that step. But yeah, it was pretty, pretty awkward. I'm one of those people end up in like awkward, awkward conversations with people all the time about life and it's annoying a little bit. And there was a point and I forgot what it was. Well, I think I was going to what she was saying, as you have to like not just think about yourself, think about other.
Speaker 2:Well I was thinking about this. I was thinking about this. I ended up talking to somebody we would talk about in relationship. Because, you know, a woman is like oh, a cute young man like you. I know you're married and I'm like no, like I ain't been touched by somebody physically in like five years. What are you talking about? Like I'm single. And you know, she came out and her thought was, uh, she was like well, you know, god is in the perfect, perfect person for you and you're going to meet him, you're going to meet him soon. There's somebody for everybody. And yada, yada, yada.
Speaker 2:So I get on the plane and it's like I'm traveling back now. And I get on the plane and I sit down and my thought to myself is what if there is not a person being designed for me, but really the universe protecting other people from me? Because I'm a person that has grown up with so much trauma that it's like, you know a touch, if I don't know what's coming, it's triggering, you know. So it's like, wow, what if it's that I'm going to be single the rest of my life? But that's just how my life is designed and that's how I should be. And that's not deep, micah. Huh, that's not deep. You're going to cry. So no, I'm just saying it's like do people think that way? You think there's other people in the world that feel that way? I mean probably a hundred percent right that there is other people that.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Plenty. I'm like who thinks that way about themselves. But you know, I was, and it's not because'm I found safety, myself safe, and letting anybody into that space is like really, really hard for me, you know. So it's like you know part of me sometimes. You know people like I was like oh, I never meet nobody. They're like you can't meet nobody if you're always at home. I mean, that is true, like you got to put yourself out there, micah, and I'm like in this crazy ass world yeah, unless they like break into your house and you don't want to date those people well, I don't know.
Speaker 2:But no, you're right, that's what I do on the windows and cameras everywhere, like I'm one of those extra security. It's really really bad. I'm paranoid. It trauma is real, you know, and it's expensive. You start talking. He's like where do you live? Like it's so funny, like it's so, you know. A random stranger asked me uh, it was somebody asked me out on a date and we went on one date and I never heard from him again. It's definitely me. But, um, I took pictures and I sent it to crystal. I'm like here's his picture, here's his phone number. Like, if you don't hear from me in the next six hours, get his ass you gotta have a buddy that knows where to find the body right, right, no, no.
Speaker 2:And then and I think he thought I was crazy after that, so he was like uh, so anyway, is there a? Point to this. No, I'm just saying now trying to get some free advice, that's all it is.
Speaker 3:I look, I will say, while I am not a dating expert, um, I was on dating.
Speaker 2:I was just thinking about those thoughts like that. Oh god, everybody's thinking them, please no.
Speaker 3:I was single for man 20 to like 42, wait I thought you were hmm, I thought you were 40.
Speaker 3:I am 44 this year, so until 41, let's put that Um. But honestly, if I had met my now husband a couple of years earlier, I wouldn't have gone near him because he had his own shit to deal with and, frankly, he wouldn't have come near me because I had my own shit to deal with and, frankly, he wouldn't come near me because I had my own. So like, yeah, you have to work on yourself until you find, find that person, um, but yeah, there's no way. If we had met a couple years ago, like he, he was an alcoholic, um, I wouldn't have, I wouldn't have even given him a second thought and I was a disaster.
Speaker 2:So so keep hope alive, right, keep hope alive work on.
Speaker 3:You love yourself, all the the stuff that people say that you're like oh, I'm so tired of hearing this like it's true see, I'm actually there.
Speaker 2:I think my biggest problem is letting people in, because this world is so crazy. It's's like you don't know people you know, and it's like you know. I mean, we go back and we talk about that situation and like we never talked again. But we never talked again Because two days later, he texted me that he was stabbed. That's somebody I don't need in my life. Right, you're a grown man, how are you getting stabbed? Like what? Like what are you doing? And and I didn't even want and I see I was bad, though, because I immediately blocked them and I'm like I didn't even hear the story. Maybe it was like, maybe he got robbed, right, like maybe he's a really good guy, but it was just the fact that that happened to you. Nope, instantly, like I'm in the hospital, I got stabbed, blocked, like I don't I.
Speaker 3:So it's. It's funny because it was probably. I mean, this was before I got married the first time. So I was like early 20s and I had a date with a guy. He was a customer at the bank that I worked at and he had been like asking me out for for really months and I finally, yes, and the night we were supposed to go out like didn't hear from him, like just radio silence, nothing, um, and I was, I was pretty depressed. I was like, well, you know, here I finally said yes, and he is just nowhere to be seen.
Speaker 3:He texted me on like Tuesday or something and was like, um, I really owe you an apology. I didn't mean to stand you up. I was in jail and I was like that is a damn good excuse for not going out on our date. And he was like, do you still want to go out with me? And I was like, no, I do not. Like thank you for your honesty and I'm sorry that happened, but, good lord, no, I don't want to go out with you so, yeah, maybe, maybe he got stabbed in a good way, but probably not.
Speaker 2:I wish you the best and I hope you heal them from your stab wounds.
Speaker 3:I wish you antibiotics, but stay out of my life.
Speaker 2:Look, you got snaps for that one. That was a goal, Right. But it's like this world is horrible. We live in a horrible world and it's funny because I'm healing, so I love everybody, yeah, Right, but it's like it's still crazy. The stuff that you're with me, you know it's it's I don't even. Crystal's going through a really horrible situation now and we're probably going to do another podcast about it, so we ain't gonna talk about it now, but it's like. It's like, why bring it up and not talk about it? Right, we had to pull our daughter out of school for like bullying. We'll leave it at that extent. Right, we had to pull our daughter out of school for like bullying. We'll leave it at that extent Right, Because how bad the bullying got where it got to a death threat. And it's like you in school at 16 and someone's going to threaten your life. Yeah, it's like what is wrong with this world? I was sitting there and I was talking to the principal and I was just like kids are cruel.
Speaker 3:Oh, they're awful. And now they have new tools.
Speaker 2:Right, yes.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:It's horrible. It honestly really is.
Speaker 2:So now we're talking about how bad this world is. Come on, Cheryl. How do we keep the hope? What do we do?
Speaker 3:to stay Boundaries Truthfully. What do we do to like stay boundaries truthfully, like when I look back on my life and when I look back at the mistakes I made and I put those in quotation marks because, like I wouldn't be where I am, I wouldn't be, you know, in a great relationship, I wouldn't have what I have now and be who I am now if it weren't for that.
Speaker 2:However, are you one of those people that wouldn't change anything for the world kind of people. And you know what me? I would change it all, I would give it all up If they came to me and told me I could do it all over again. Sign me up. You know how you said you don't let them finish the question. They would be like, do you want to? And I'm going to be like, do you want to? And I'm gonna be like hell. Yes, it's funny because I say this and people be like but what if you're not born to the same mom? Or what if you're not this? What if you're not be who you are now? And I love my mom, trust, love her to death. But that is a chance I am willing to take. Okay, give me a reset button and I will start this all over with what if you don't become this?
Speaker 2:age. You know what. Just the possibility that it could be better is enough for me. The possibility that it could be better is a 50-50 chance that it could be worse or it could be better. I don't struggle enough in this life that I am willing to take that chance. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:But I'll let you finish your story.
Speaker 3:Finish, they better replace you with another micah um, yeah, I mean, I, I guess I am.
Speaker 3:I am one of those people, like, I truly do believe we're where we are right now for a reason, um, and it's me. Maybe it's for the people whose lives were were meant to touch and all of that, um, but I've still done some dumb shit in my life and I've gotten into some situations that probably should have been avoided, and it's because of a lack of boundaries, it's because I was afraid to say no to someone, it was because I took too many people's advice on something. It was all of these things that could have been prevented If I knew how to stand up for myself, if I knew that I actually know more about me than someone I just met. Um and um, I just a lot, a lot of dumb stuff could have been avoided, um, so, yeah, I do like, I do believe that when we strengthen our boundaries, we actually help those around us. Um, cause, just like sharing your story and sharing those emotions, like you, give other people permission, um, so, yeah, so it's the problem.
Speaker 3:It's, it's. I think it is the problem with this world, with Crystal, whatever's going on with your daughter, like that other person who's involved in this, does not have boundaries. They were never taught them. They don't know when you keep your mouth shut. They don't know when you like don't let your crap spill onto somebody else, um, and it does. It causes. It causes a lot of problems and a lot of pain, um, and we all just have to learn and it sucks and you start learning and then you have a setback and you're like damn because healing is a journey.
Speaker 2:I feel like it's a never ending journey. You will heal until you reach paradise, whatever that is. You know, the Bible says 120. So that's why I look, I don't believe in God yet, but I believe that I need to be here. So I'm 120. Well, I say yet because I'm still in my searching stage In healing. I'm trying to discover spirituality, right, cheryl.
Speaker 2:But I have a problem with a God that kills parents Not that kills parents, but allows people to die. So you allow them to die. And now I'm traumatized and I'm going through a depression. And now this person was the love of my life and my life was horrible. But then I'm supposed to meet them again later, so you're gonna take them away from a little while only to give them back to me. I feel like that's cruel. Make me it's hard to believe in a god. That's cruel. So I'm in that search, right. So that's why I say like that.
Speaker 2:I'm in that search right now because I know there's there has to be a creator. I mean, our world is so complex that there has to be something bigger than me. You know, but you know it's like, do we really know what it is or is it, you know? Is it different, really different for everybody? You know, I don't not any religion. I believe in the right of belief, you know.
Speaker 2:Like, believe whatever you want to, I'm cool with it and we can discuss it and we can talk about it. And I can see some stuff. I'm wearing a shirt of Buddha. Love some Buddha. You hear me, I got a Buddha in my office and I rub his belly every day, okay, you know. But I also got elephants and I have their butts to the door because you know, it's feng shui, you know, and my rosaries, and so it was like I have all these things and I feel like I'm okay, I can incorporate all of them. It's all a form of positivity you thinking of something greater than you. That's positive, that's love, Right? So, like it's cool to think of those things. But I wanted, I'm like you, I need the concrete, like, come on, give me. You know, I was telling my brother like I never felt the spirit of God. Like, you know, people always say, oh, I felt the spirit. Come on me and I'm like whatever.
Speaker 3:It was cold in the room.
Speaker 2:Open the door, of course.
Speaker 2:Air conditioning vents I mean, come on, but I'm just joking, I'm not saying that people can't, I'm just saying I haven't. So I did want to go back to another thing you said, and it was that you were on medication for five months, and I thought that that was also really dope for you to just kind of talk about, because I think that hasn't been brought up on our show either. Really that you know, you may need to start there, that may be, and there's nothing wrong with that, like there's nothing wrong with medication. That's nothing that nobody here is saying, you know, but it doesn't have to be a life sentence. You know, yeah, I no, no, go ahead, because I was on the internet. It was horrible and everything you're saying is wrong. I was like is this the moment that I should have shut up?
Speaker 3:no, like, honestly, if you had asked me before, I'd gone through that, like I was judgmental as all hell, like I used to, I would read the textbooks and I would be like, man, how weak do you have to be to need medication? Like, just make changes in your life, like just shut up and make changes. Um, and then I experienced it and look, chemical imbalances are no joke. There's, I think, in this society we have. We have this lack of responsibility and I I say that like in reference to medication right now, because we're all looking for the quick fix for everything.
Speaker 1:Okay, Like oh hey you're?
Speaker 3:you're overweight. Like don't worry about eating right and exercising. Like just take a pill and it just melts right off how?
Speaker 2:was the shot.
Speaker 3:Like, just you know whatever it is like and I think in a lot of situations psychotropic meds like the, you know, mental health medication, is used in the same way. And I'll be honest, like I walked into the doctor, my pediatrician, my general practitioner. Like I didn't go to a psychiatrist.
Speaker 2:You've been depressed as you were.
Speaker 3:Damn it. Like I had a therapist that was walking me through this, but she couldn't prescribe medication. I walked into my doctor's office Before the doctor came in. They handed me a survey Okay, first of all, I have a master's in psychology, like I know some shit. Um, they handed me a survey to fill out and when the doctor came in, he never looked at me. He took the survey from me, went yep, you're depressed wrote out a prescription and sent me. He didn't ask me what was wrong. He didn't ask me if I was dealing with a therapist. He didn't ask me if I was making changes.
Speaker 1:Like nothing like yep, you're depressed.
Speaker 3:There you go, um, and I think, in terms of just like society in general, like that is a problem, um, however, like if you have a legit chemical imbalance and you either don't have the strength, the energy, the inner will to make the changes that you need to make, um that you need medication, like you need help and um, I got off it as quickly as I did because I couldn't write Um and even like this was before I was doing it professionally, but it was, was it? Yes, it was before I was doing it professionally and I just like that part of my brain wasn't working and I was like, okay, I can't, like I can't stay on this long-term. Were there other medications out there that probably you know wouldn't have had that side effect? I'm sure at this point there are Um, but I had already started, like I was feeling well enough that I was like, okay, I'll go volunteer, okay, I'll go out and I'll, I'll do this, I'll meet new people, I'll change my job, I'll do all of these things that are impacting my mental health. Um and I, I was able to do that.
Speaker 3:If you need it for a longer period of time, take it for a longer period of time, but see a therapist, see someone who's like walking you through this. So it's not the only way that you're approaching depression or whatever. Whatever you're dealing with, like, don't just think like well, I'm on a pill now, like I never have to, I never have to do anything I never, you know, I'm just fine, like here's my mood right here, like no excitement, but at least I don't want to kill myself. You know, like, don't just settle for that. Get the help, get the help, make the changes and make it a goal Maybe that eventually you do get off it, that eventually you don't need it.
Speaker 2:And it should be that you're with somebody that you trust to prescribe these medicines. You know, it's like to me that's a big part of it is like do they know me well enough, you know, have they taken the time to get to know me well enough to really say, hey, this is what I need, because I kind of had experience like yours too. So I had this amazing therapist. Great, I met her. I decided I was like you know what I feel, like there's a lot in me that's broken. I need to get a therapist. You know so, and I did, and there was a lot of me that was broken.
Speaker 2:But one thing she realized and she told me, is that it's your voice. Yeah, you, you went through so much trauma. You never had a voice. You know, I always tell people my first memory is of being molested, you know. So, like you know, and that's kind of how the rest of my life went. So it was true, I never thought about the fact I'm like I'm talking to your ass now. Clearly, I got a voice, you know. But you know, was it? I wasn't like hearing what she was saying.
Speaker 2:And then, um, we worked together for two years and finally she said I can't see you anymore, and it was devastating and I felt like it was breaking up with me. But she said no, now it's time for you. So she said I taught you how to talk. Now it's time for you to talk to the people that you love. And I was like, ok, ok, I still feel abandoned, but, ok, I'm abandoned with purpose. Ok, I'm going to go out here and I'm gonna start talking to people and, honestly, that's how the podcast came to be, because I started to realize that I have a lot to say. Clearly, as you can see, um, she's like yeah, yeah, like you didn't shut up.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm your guest, it's about me, okay, like I'm trying to get some customers off of this and your ass on show, I got you cheryl, okay? No, we think you're dope. We think you're dope honestly, and I wanted to tell you too, I think your hair is amazing. I just like the first thing about you. I was like in your pictures and in the youtube videos, like, oh my god, her hair, our hair is amazing.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Okay, so just to let you know about that. Getting back to a serious topic other than hair, is there anything that you wanted to say to our audience that we didn't allow you to say, because I'm crazy?
Speaker 3:You know just that you have the right to have needs, you have the right to express your needs and you have the right to have your needs met, and I think that's something that a lot of us go through way too long in our life. If we ever learn it, um, that we don't know and it leads to problems, it leads to putting ourselves second, um or third. If you are very religious, and I know they always say, like I am second, like, so edit that in your own head if if's how you feel. But yeah, you, you have. You you get to have needs as a human being, like you get to have them and it's okay. It doesn't make you a bad person, it just makes you human.
Speaker 2:Right and you kind of deserve those to be met or fulfilled as well, you know. So it's like you know it goes back to what you deserve and that is part of what you deserve. You deserve to be able to. Happiness is real. I feel like you should be happy in this life, like we shouldn't be here and this detriment and sad every day and going crazy. You know, that's what I was telling you.
Speaker 2:So after my therapist, I was going through a little state of depression and so I went to, like another therapist. I was like, OK, I'm not done, you're lying, you don't know what you're talking about, I'm not healed yet. I need to go to the therapist. So I kind of did the same thing. So this time I went to a psychiatrist. Same thing Questionnaire prescribing medicine. I'm taking the medicine too, and I'm like you know you, you're always in the house, you know you're, you're spending all your time alone, you know you, you uh, you don't really associate, you don't have a lot of friends, like these are things you admitted to me. So you're depressed. And I'm like, oh shit, I'm depressed, you know. So I'm taking this medicine. I'm like I'm depressed. I'm telling people, yeah, I got this prescription. I'm depressed, you know know. But then I started to realize the reason I don't go out is because we, in the middle of pandemic, covid is out, this motherfucker and just just because, like we ain't gotta wear a mask.
Speaker 2:No more, don't mean like I had cancer.
Speaker 2:No, I don't go out, I don't want to. And then the reason I don't invite people over is the same reason and I clubbed so much in my 20s that I don't have the want to. And then the reason I don't invite people over is the same reason and I clubbed so much in my 20s that I don't have the want to club right now and I just don't meet a lot of people because people in this world are weird and crazy and psycho and I don't have time for that he didn't have friends because he just moved here right, yeah, like
Speaker 2:I just moved. So it was like everything they used against me to give me this medicine that I should not have been taken. So I kind of, and so I just stopped. I was like, oh dead, no more psychiatrists to me. But then I started and I thought about my old therapist and I was like you know what, I'm going to start talking to the people I love, you know, and that's kind of what I did, but in that caused a whole bunch of other traumas and we'll save that for another episode. So I'm actually gonna go and we're gonna get all of your books. Thank you, I want, I want to autograph. So you got to figure that out right now. I mean, I don't know the. Oh, I could buy them off your website and if I do it that way, can you autograph them. Okay, my bad, call her a book. Well, don't get them all. Don't get them all. I don't know if you can see it, it's that bright orange.
Speaker 2:I never know how to point on these things, but whatever is over my head anyway, so yeah, right, you have to tell us one thing that nobody knows about you. That's kind of like like a how you say it? Like a guilty pleasure, like what is a guilty pleasure you have, that you like wouldn't admit to nobody else, like I like wham, wham, the group wham.
Speaker 3:I was thinking of food I don't know, like I'm pretty much an open book, like I would mainline chocolate if that was available to me um guilty pleasure, okay, phil collins phil collins. That's really not too bad, it's not like people pretty much know a lot about, like I'm very open about stuff. Um, yeah, man, I have to think about that. Can I like email you at a later date with that?
Speaker 2:when you come back with it. You gotta do a video gram so we can post. Now they just want to know what is Cheryl, because everybody got somebody. Like some people sleep with a box of roll-ups. You know, I'm just saying.
Speaker 3:I sleep with a stuffed penguin and your husband and two dogs, yeah, yeah. So my penguin is about, yay, big, um, and he's, he's like a perfect, like pillow, like snuggly. So I have the penguin in front of me, one dog like by my like butt, going down my husband, next to me, and then the other dog is either in between us or on his other side, getting out of the, out of bed to go to the bathroom at night, which I do like four times um, like it's, there's pole vaulting involved like I know you can't see while I'm sitting, but like I literally have to, like, flip over the dog, the penguin has to go.
Speaker 3:How do?
Speaker 2:you get back in that's what I think.
Speaker 3:It's a challenge. It is for sure a challenge.
Speaker 2:I'm just gonna say your husband loves you okay if there was ever a question and clearly there's, not because you glow with love, but if there was. After all of that, I don't like animals. I hate to say that, but it's like the hair thing gets to me. Maybe it's a texture thing, but it's like I really don't. Maybe that's why I like fish did you say apples.
Speaker 3:What did you? You don't like what pets, animals, I thought you said you don't like apples and I'm like what the hell apples have fur like what do you know? You shouldn't eat apples with fur. Okay, got it got it.
Speaker 1:You don't like pets, alright.
Speaker 3:I hope I don't like you. Like what's with some freaky ass apples?
Speaker 2:yeah, you are completely one of us. You are officially a member of the fucking feelings podcast family. Okay, you want to work with us in our day job? You are completely one of us. You are officially a member of the Talkin' Feelings Podcast family, you want to work with us in our day job? What?
Speaker 3:should we have there my God Okay? All right, they're amazing.
Speaker 2:They're cute and I watch videos all the time Like my go-to, when I am scrolling, when I need to have that clear my mind state, which I think we're all entitled to, you know, because people say scrolling is so bad and don't use your cell phones, and I don't think that's true. My personal opinion. Sometimes you need to escape, and for me it's cats. Cats are crazy as a bitch. They just be out here doing crazy shit.
Speaker 1:They just be crazy.
Speaker 2:I watch like a cat, like destroying, like knocking down Christmas tree and like on purpose, like the cat was like, but that is my joy. Anyway, it's been a joy to talk to you. Thank you so much for coming on. I know you're like this is probably the craziest podcast I've ever been on, and it is. But even in the moments of laughter you taught a lot and I got away with a lot. But it's pretty cool to know that it's okay to say no. But also I thought of a cool lesson that if you can't help yourself, help somebody else, because in that you will find your value. And I thought that was a really dope message and I thank you for giving that to our audience, to giving them your time.
Speaker 2:I will list all your details. We're gonna get your book, two coloring books, because crystal wants, and I'm gonna make her send you pictures that she colored. Okay, I love it. Ask for this coloring book we need. She's gonna use it, okay, and we'll list all your contact details in the episode. And thank you so much for being on. Thank you, guys for watching. We will see you next week. Peace, love and blessings. Thank you.