Another one with nobody

This week, David gets caught giving gratitude publicly, Gavin recaps his rich-person's vacation, we make a plea to our international listener, we run through some gay news, and we are rank our top 3 beach vacation destinations. 

Questions? Comments? Rants? Raves? Send them to GaytriarchsPodcast@gmail.com, or you can DM us anywhere @GaytriarchsPodcast

Transcript

David: 0:00

Listener, this is the cold open where normally I make fun of Gavin for tripping over some word or something. But we forgot to tell you, we just recorded the episode that this is gonna be our first episode of not having a guest sometimes.

Gavin: 0:11

Just bantering. I don't know.

David: 0:13

Let us know what you think, listener. But it was fun for us. You guys were so mad at us for saying we were going bi-weekly because it was hard to keep up with all the guests. So we're do we're we're listening to you. And so this is gonna be our first episode. Let us know what you think. Um, it's a lot of Gavin talking. I'm gonna just go ahead and tell you that up front. Gavin talks quite a bit in this episode, so just make sure you use the 2x version. You can fast forward if you need to.

Gavin: 0:36

Which you should be doing anyway. It'll change your life anyway to listen to podcasts on 1.5x. That's what I do. Um, and um, and also send us to more guests. We have a bunch of people actually booked and lined up, but um, hey, we want to hear who you want to talk to as well. So send us your friends. And especially the hot ones.

David: 0:51

And there's just patriarchs. Gaben, I'm fearful I'm diluting my brand.

Gavin: 1:11

Because you as if you have a brand.

David: 1:15

I don't have many things, but I was on TikTok, and I usually just do what a lot of people do, is just like doom scroll. Maybe I'll make a TikTok, but like I don't comment and interact with people usually. Ew. I happen to, I know. I happened to see this video, and there's this woman, and she was like, tell me something that's changed your life that you know cost nothing, or something, or some video like that. And I was like, I don't know, fuck it, I'll comment. Right. And I commented something very earnest and grateful and sweet. Oh, I'm sure. And gave them it blew up. Wait, it has like 30,000 likes and like my comment went to the top of this video that went viral, and now everyone thinks I'm this grateful, thoughtful, earnest.

Gavin: 1:57

Little do they know. You're just a hollow soul of cynicism.

David: 2:02

Empty inside, full of black tar. And I was literally, I had to make a video responding to my own comments. You could see that.

Gavin: 2:10

You were doing damage control.

David: 2:11

I was literally like for any of you who are following me because of this, please stop. My account is like dick jokes and silly videos and like making fun of parents and whatever. But like, yeah, of course, that's the comment that fucking blew up. I was like, oh, who is this sensitive soul?

Gavin: 2:27

I need some more explanation. What it what was the video?

David: 2:30

I basically said I I basically said that that one of the things that like I feel like changed, not changed my life, but you know, was like a great thing that I did was I've just started to decide to say the compliments I say to myself in my head out loud. So like other people to yourself in the mirror. Yeah, well, yeah, first to myself and then to other people. Well, the idea was I was having dinner and there was this amazing waitress, and she was like really good and really funny, but like didn't hang around. Like she was just a great waitress. And I said to my husband, she was so good. God, she's so good. And then she comes over to give us the bill, and then I shut my mouth. Oh. And I just pay the bill. And then I said to myself, what the fuck are you doing, David? You think this nice thing is? It's nice to go around spreading joy.

Gavin: 3:11

Yeah, I'm sure.

David: 3:12

Yeah, but not fake joy, not like, oh, I'm just making shit up and saying everyone looks nice today. Like when you naturally think something positive in your head, say it out loud. And so that was like my comment on this person's video. And everyone's like, oh, what a sweet, charming, thoughtful boy. Let's let's blow him up. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, guys. Trust me, I am not the place. So anyway, I'm diluting my brand, so I have some damage control.

Gavin: 3:36

I love that. You know what? I actually was on a plane last night. I had to do some travel for work, and I got onto the plane, and there was a flight attendant, a woman who was probably in her 60s, who had the most amazing voluptuous hair. I mean like Beyonce hair. You're welcome. Beyonce hair. You got me. I was I was ready for it. It was the word voluptuous, wasn't it? It was good. Her hair was just amazing. And I wanted to say, wow, you have amazing hair. And I didn't. And uh, and then when I got off the plane, I thought I should say it, and then I didn't. And I'm usually actually, I have no problem giving compliments, and I think that the takeaway from this is one, I was in a crabbing mood last night, maybe. Two, she had amazing voluptuous hair, and three, always tell people that they have voluptuous hair.

David: 4:25

There is like a little asterisk of like men complimenting women's bodies that like maybe we like we don't do that part of it, but like a great waitress or like somebody who's funny, or like you know what I mean?

Gavin: 4:35

Or if you just precede it with or post uh follow it up with, by the way, I'm gay.

David: 4:41

So I'm I'm noticing you and I never compliment each other. Notice that. So let's all just unpack that a little bit.

Gavin: 4:49

So um I was doing some traveling, and um, I far be it for me to get on here and say, Oh my gosh, I had a great vacation. But I hey, we did take some time, we spent more money than we should have, and um we I took the kids, and well, my partner and I took the kids to um the Caribbean. We went to St. John, which was amazing. I highly recommend it. Everything is so expensive. Like, when did life just call me MAGA? When did life get so expensive? Except everything is just expensive, you know, but I suppose that's vacationing. Anyway, but St. John we went to because um it's mostly national park, and there are a couple of places that you can actually camp, basically. I mean, it's kind of like glamping pre-glamping. There's nothing glamorous at all about it, but it's a platform with actual beds and a tent, um, and uh which makes it really cheap, actually. So like you can sleep for 250 bucks a night. Um it I mean, you know, better than 800. Um and you're just steps from the beach, and that was awesome. But um, the reason I suppose here, this prepare yourself for all the gratitude. But it is a matter of hold on, let me sit down. It's a matter of keeping in mind what what do you get, what do you take away from vacations? You spend so much money to do this, and then you come away being like, Yeah, I just played soccer with my kid and it was fun. And you think, what was the point of that?

David: 6:08

That I spent or you're just looking at like at the clock and you're like, when do we get good to go back home and sleep in my bed or whatever like that? And you're like, why are we doing this?

Gavin: 6:15

Yes, it really does make you wonder why do we bother? I mean, and especially when kids, especially kids your age, really they just want a pool. So you can go to the Marriott down the street for hopefully less than$185. And and they're like, that was awesome. You know, that's I mean, my kids just really still at even at age 11 and 13, they're fine with just going to a Hampton and with a pool. But I will say, I um I, in my complete insanity, always trying to keep them off their phones, um, which was not too bad at the camping area because there wasn't great Wi-Fi, thank goodness. But we went a little hike, and that was awesome, even though they complained all the way up. But we got to the top of a mountain and we were there were these ruins, and we I took pictures of them on their phone because there was Wi-Fi at the top of the mountain. So they each immediately pulled their phones out. But you know, we made memories hiking up and hiking down. It was sweaty and hot, and I mean, I wasn't having fun. Like, why do I do these things that even I'm not having fun, but we do it, right? But yeah, you check it off the list. So we went up hike and then playing soccer on the beach with my kid at sunset. I mean, that's pretty special. Um, and then um they had a little basketball court, and we pulled my partner who is is incredibly talented and gifted in innumerable ways. But basketball. I see, I can hear the butt coming. Basketball not his jam, nor is it mine, by the way. Disclaimer, I'm terrible and I hate basketball. Uh, too much PTSD about being the tall kid who couldn't play basketball when he was a kid. But we played a game of horse, you know, and just like shooting the baskets and blah, blah, blah. And it was so fun, the four of us standing around on a basketball court. And that's our takeaway from this 10-quarters.

David: 7:54

Playing basketball and playing soccer on a beach, you could have done for$80 and instead you did it for$80,000. Yes. Why do we do this? Why do we do it? And because I think we have a romantic vision of like the experience and living in this memory or whatever. You can just stop right there.

Gavin: 8:09

That's what parenting is, just a romantic vision of that it's all gonna be exactly the way it's a good idea.

David: 8:13

But I wonder if it is for them, they're gonna carry that vision because I have like visions of like amazing vacations in my head, but from my parents' point of view, maybe it was fucking bullshit. Yeah, like one of my fate, one of my my favorite vacation memories, I remember was like at this like cabin alongside a river, uh-huh and we would just like be in the river for hours and hours and hours a day. I wonder if that was like a ghetto, like redneck place that like the real thing had fallen through and whatever. But like, yeah, maybe maybe your kids are loving it.

Gavin: 8:41

Did your parents enjoy their time there? I wonder I don't know.

David: 8:45

I don't consider my parents when I'm a child. Yeah, I know. All I could, you know what I mean? You don't consider their happiness or their point of view. Yeah, no, it's so you do now as an adult, but like as a kid, you're just like, I don't know, take me to the place I want to go.

Gavin: 8:54

I can still hear my mother talking about her favorite times growing up. She grew up in um Illinois and being like, the only summer break or summer vacation we would take is going to Turkey Run in Indiana. And it was just like camping. I mean, that's what it was. And it was like out in the woods. And it is like that simplicity. Um, why do we do this to ourselves?

David: 9:13

You know, because so what is so, but I feel like I feel like I have to push myself as a parent because I am I succumb to the like, uh, it's just easier to stay in. Let's just walk to the park. Let's just like versus like we have some friends that are super outdoorsy. They're always, hey, do you want to go hiking? Do you want to go camping? And and we've just decided to say yes this year. And it's always great. It's always fun, it's always better. But there is this like, we're gonna have this vacation vision, and if it doesn't hold true, I'm gonna be pissed. And that's I think maybe that's it, is just to let go of any sort of preconceived thoughts. Why are we being so earnest? Say something about dick. Um, dick jokes.

Gavin: 9:48

Oh, I do have one. Um, so a guy and his we'll say husband are um they're getting ready to go for bed, and one of the husbands is praying, um, his saying his goodnight dreams and whatnot. And the other, uh his husband says, Hey, what are you dreaming about? He said, I'm I'm I'm um nope. That I fucked that one. Oh, this is no, I have this is great so far.

David: 10:09

This is like the our listener is leaning in, they're driving down the road, getting ready to giggle. Let me find it. They know what's coming.

Gavin: 10:16

Let me find it. Let me find it. Oh, here we go. A husband says to his husband, I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time. The other guy thinks about it for a minute and says, Your dick is bigger than your brother's.

David: 10:30

Wait, I I I need to go back a little bit. What did anything you said prior have to do with that particular joke? You said make a dick joke. You said stop being early. No, no, no. I mean you were like praying. Oh, oh, oh, that was the other one. That was the other one. No, no, hold on, hold on. I can give you that one too. No, no, no. I think quit while you're ahead. That was a good joke. That was funny.

Gavin: 10:51

Yeah. This is fine. Hold on, hold on. But this is a poor listener. I know. Where was it? An old man is at his bedside praying when his wife says, What are you doing? I'm praying for guidance, replies the man. Just pray for stiffness, says the wife, and I'll guide the fucker. Wow. Wow. Um goodness. Speaking of so then one last thing about um the the illusions I or the delusions I have about vacations is that um I was just constantly ha ragging on my kids about reading, reading a book. I didn't want to read a book when I was 11 and 13 years old. My favorite thing to do in the entire world, though, is to sit on a beach with an umbrella because skin cancer, reading a book. It's my it's it's just my favorite. And I'm trying to like force feed it to them because I think my I want to have the kids. Did you watch White Lotus? Mm-hmm. I want my kids to be those two judgy, rich, beautiful girls reading first season. First season. Oh, reading like Nietzsche pool side and reading philosophy. Those girls were first of all probably not reading those books. They probably were just had their phones tucked into their books. And they were like college kids. So of course my kids aren't gonna be like that, but I hope they are when they're in college. Anyway, yeah. What must it be like to have you as a dad? I know, I know. I'm really fun and exhausting.

David: 12:11

I am I am sounds exhausting. I know. Um yeah, go ahead. Oh god, this is the I'm not cutting this out. I refuse. Um, so we speaking of traveling, Gavin and I just submitted this morning. It is currently 10 58 a.m. We submitted this morning our amazing race audition video. Won't we be great? We would be really great. We were talking about it. We were like, wouldn't it be so fun? We should do a video, and then you know, Gavin and I don't do anything. And then we were like, Gavin was coming into town and we were like, let's meet up and let's fucking do this. And we spent a couple of hours running around New York City, harassing people. We got thrown out of the Marriott. Um, we we did a bunch of stuff and we put together a video and we put our application in. So everyone, cross your legs, cross your fingers that we get on this show. How fun to see your Gatriarch's hosts out there in the world. We we would be fun. Doing all kinds of weird shit. We would be fun. And I think we would have a lot of fun. Now we would be without our phones for a month.

Gavin: 13:12

I'm I listen, I'm gonna just carry around only that, I hear I thought you were gonna say without our family, without our children for a month. That's true. Well, yeah, that too.

David: 13:24

I'm like, that would make me miss them, but also oh, I'm so good more. Yeah, I would make me appreciate them. So anyway, everyone, think good thoughts for us. Um uh speaking of also skin cancer, when you were talking about being on the beach. Yeah, this is my transition. This is my skin cancer transition. Uh-uh, I went to my dermatologist the other day, and um he is very hot. He is uncomfortably hot. And if you think about your dermatologist, I go every year you do your skin check. Listen, us, us fair-haired white people, we are very uh skin cancer, and you are as well. And so I go every year and he, you know, checks your body. But this guy is like, he's touching your whole body and he asks no like permit, he's just going through it. He's like, and he gets really close to me. And sometimes like he'll like brush up against my leg, like sometimes like a sexy barber will, where I'm like feeling things, and it is a very sexy experience. And I'm always just like, I don't know how to act in this situation. You're literally looking for cancer in my body, and I'm thinking about what you look like, Nate.

Gavin: 14:28

Yeah. Um because you want to be able to do your own dermatological uh exam on him.

David: 14:34

Absolutely. Um, so there's no point to that story other than my dermatologist is hot. I hope you enjoyed that last time.

Gavin: 14:41

I once, the very first time I had a dermatological visit, I uh was instructed, okay, please. Um I had never had a full exam before, so they said, Okay, well, please, you know, put this robe on, please strip fully, and um just wait in the room. So I'm waiting in the room thinking, this is really, really awkward, really awkward, but okay. And then in walks an old curmudgeonly man with a young hot woman. And he then proceeded to say, Okay, well, um, open your robe, please. And I'm like, uh just like here. I was butt naked, just laying there exposed. Balls everywhere. Thinking this is the most demoralizing, compromising position I have ever been in in my life.

David: 15:33

The the lighting is too crisp. Oh, it is there's too many people in the room. It is, yeah.

Gavin: 15:38

There was no need for me to think dead puppies, dead puppies, dead puppies, because there was it was the least sexual thing I have ever done in my life. It's so demoralizing. I never wanted to do it again. And especially because he was he was just old and mean, and uh she was judging. And now you're old and mean and now I'm old and meaningful.

SPEAKER_02: 15:58

The student has become the teacher.

David: 16:03

Well, you need to go to my dermatologist because he's very okay. All right. Um uh so speaking of very hot, listener, we know you're hot. We know you because you are wonderful and you're our listener and you are hot. But something was happening the other day. I was I happened to get up really, really early. Our episodes go live, 6 a.m. on Wednesdays Eastern time. Uh-huh. And I happen to be in my basement um on uh the platform that we used to distribute right around 6 a.m. So I looked at the the we have access to see the stats. We could see how many people have downloaded every episode, when they download it, what device they're using, what country they live in. It's pretty, pretty great.

Gavin: 16:39

And we if only we did something with that. Like if only we actually nothing with it. Basically, they that proverbial they out there say, well, you have to take your Google Analytics and you optimize. And we're like, what? I don't know. I'm chasing a child down the street.

David: 16:54

I totally but one of the things that like blew my mind was at 6 a.m. So like it just went live. We I was watching people like live download it, and like it was it was obviously like Europe and like that because they were already awake and you know they were already listening to stuff, whatever. But I just they already didn't have anything better to do with their time than to download. This is what shocked me. The second the episode drops, people are downloading this shit to Europe and Asia and whatever. And all I can say is we're having a little bit of a tough time over here, uh, listener, uh, in the United States of America. So if any of you listener out there in Europe and Asia and all the places I saw these downloads happening at 6 a.m. Um want to marry Gavin and I and get us a little green card marriage, I will divorce my husband in a nanosecond to move. To get a visa to the UK or whatever. So, listener, I know you're out there because I literally watched you download the episode. Um, but it was actually really fun. I should maybe like organize it into some cohesive thing, but it was really fun like every minute to watch which countries were downloading it at what time. Um, but yes, listener, we are open for green card marriage.

Gavin: 18:02

And also, if you're a marketer and you want to come and help us with our um total inability to market ourselves, we would take that too.

David: 18:10

Yes. Um, speaking of political instability.

Gavin: 18:12

Oh, my favorite.

David: 18:15

But this, but listen, this is kind of something similar we talked to a while back about talking to your kids about big things, right? Like God and whatever. But uh, I've noticed we had we uh I wanna what do you do with your feelings on things that are maybe complicated for your kids to understand? Like again, my kids are five and three. So, like my feelings on the current political administration, my feelings on Chick-fil-A. If my son's like, hey, let's go to Chick-fil-A, I don't want to say, No, I haven't gone to Chick-fil-A in 18 years because they donate to um a family advocacy group that is actively trying to dismantle our I can't say that to him. He doesn't understand that, and I don't want to say Chick-fil-A is bad because he doesn't, he's not gonna understand the context. And it's the same thing with Donald Trump or whatever, but also these are the things we feel, right? Dot the the I went to our his um parent teacher conference yesterday. Oh and you know, there's pictures of presidents in the room, and there's a picture of our current president, there's a picture of Donald Trump in his room. It's not a MAGA thing, it is a he is our current president thing, and it filled me with such anxiety and rage. And I if he ever sees that or hears that, I I my question is do I burden him with that now or do I keep pretending yes that we're all neutral until he's 10?

Gavin: 19:35

Remember when you said earlier I'm uh it must be exhausting to live with me? Well, my children would definitely say it is, and partly because of politics and current affairs. I mean, I think that you you can't why isolate them from uh you can't shield them from everything. And current events are current events, and it's important for them to know your feelings, and kids absorb good. Big concepts, I think, better than we think than we realize. And let's face it, I mean, obviously talking about politics with a little kid is kind of not pointless, but you're stimulating their brains. And can they even conceive about what you're talking about? My kids were really young during the Trump 1.0. And we would, I mean, listen, we were living in New York City and everybody was anti-Trump at the time. And um, the school talked about it. Frankly, the kids talked about it a lot. And um, I mean, then it translated into my kids saying, Well, Donald Trump separates families. And I'm like, well, there's some nuance there, but oh well, that's fine by me. You can just go around saying that because frankly, it wasn't untrue. I mean, it's all about making things age appropriate. But I think it's important for you to share your feelings.

David: 20:52

I just don't want to burden until the but but but no, but so the reason so when it when the election was happening, remember my hut my son came home one day and he's like, I hope the girl wins because they said that if the boy wins, they'll take one of you as in one of the dads away from us. Right. And and you could tell that that was living on his shoulders a little bit. Sure. I don't I I I I I feel like the way I was raised was a little like I was, I was everything was hidden from me, and I got I have a little bit of chip on my shoulder about it. And I so I don't want to do that. But I also don't want to burden him with something he can't conceive of yet. If he can't conceive of why Chick-fil-A, why we don't eat at Chick-fil-A, and that using your money is an important way to show it's it just gets so fucking complicated, but he's getting he's five and a half now. Yeah, and he's like, oh, my friends go to Chick-fil-A now. Yeah, and I just don't want to be like, yeah, well, Chick-fil-A fucking hates that we exist. Yeah, well. So let's not eat their chicken.

Gavin: 21:44

It's uh it's he's five, he's not two. I think it's okay to expose him to big uh thoughts and disappointment in the world. Not gonna lie. I mean, that's a I mean, listen, he can listen to this show and it'll be expensive.

David: 21:56

Disappointment.

Gavin: 21:58

I completely agree. Uh, my daughter is obsessed with the idea of eating at Chick-fil-A, and I'm like, it's just the flavor of hatred, girl. That's also it's just brinding pickle juice.

David: 22:07

Make your own. It's brined in pickle juice and fried in peanut oil. That's this fucking secret, everyone. Make your pickle juice. Yes. It's just brined in pickle juice, and then you fry it in peanut oil. We've made it at home before. My husband, when we were dating, he was very cute. He made like a unhateful Chick-fil-a night for me. That's funny. And he like made fried chicken sandwiches and he brined it in pickle juice. It tastes delicious. It's amazing.

Gavin: 22:27

I bet. Well, you so speaking of the news, though, that's funny that you brought all of this up because I was going to bring up a news segment, which is um quick- A happy news segment, right? A really positive. Just wait, just wait. I do want to make the disclaimer. Yes, it is all gonna be good. And the disclaimer is listener, you know we're totally liberal Democrats and we are furious with everything that is going on in the world right now. The injustices, especially against queer people and gay people and trans people. Obviously, this infuriates and makes our blood boil. But I, as a super political person, am even gonna say, despite the fact that Gatriarchs is America's finest news source, we're not gonna go down those rabbit holes here. You can get that elsewhere. We're not gonna burden you, okay?

David: 23:10

It is purposely designed. This show is like all serious, purposely designed in a way to like silly, fun, and we forget about it. I don't uh we're we're burdened every day with this bullshit. Let's let's let's just listen to two mediocre middle-aged white men try to be funny for 45 minutes a week, right?

Gavin: 23:27

Well, at least one of us is trying to be funny. Um so I do want to say though that um I I appreciated that in the news these days, I think there's a lot of creativity of people pushing back. I I couldn't find this morning the I Instagram um statement of or excuse me, the the Instagram video about a a trans woman, I believe was the deal. She was uh testifying in front of a city council somewhere, and she made the statement I for those of us for those of you trying to ban trans people from being able to go to the bathroom that most conforms with their gender identity. I asked to all the women out there, do you want me in the bathroom with your husband? Okay, I saw it. It was fantastic. And like that honesty and transparency, frankly, is just like this we need more of that. People speak up, right? Also, can I say something gross?

David: 24:17

Please. So the the this whole thing is stupid and bullshit and distracting. We know that, right? And also, there's no way to enforce this. How are they gonna check genitals at the door, right? Right. But if that's a job, I would totally do that job. I would love to look at every person's genital. Isn't that weird? Vagina, not vagina, uh, intersex. I don't care. Like, I I would totally do that.

Gavin: 24:45

It wouldn't even be judgment. It is just no.

David: 24:47

I just want to know. I'm just curious. I'm genital curious.

Gavin: 24:53

So well, two bits of very good news, I feel like, are that last week, yes, last week, um, the Apple board of commissioner quadrillionaires who run Apple, I guess, and are Tim Cook's bosses, all voted overwhelmingly to commit and and stick with their DEI policies. So, yay, all the snaps to Apple, despite the fact that Uncle Tim had to go hang out with at Trump at the I'm using an Apple product right now.

David: 25:20

I'm using my my iMac. I have my iPhone right here charging, I have my upstairs. Yeah, yeah.

Gavin: 25:24

Thank you, Apple. And then another in another case, um, there was, you know, there's the terrible situation of um through Trump's um uh announcements that um trans women will be transferred to um prisons that are male, you know. And but luckily some of them um actually uh sent an injunction to stop such nonsense happening. And a federal judge actually stopped the transfer of trans female inmates to get a little complicated. Transfer of trans women. Yes, it's but in general, that is good news. And so there's uh there is, you know, uplifting blowback and pushback that we can celebrate here.

David: 26:03

I feel like every time you're like, I have a you I can see you typing in the outline something in the news. I'm always dreading it. I'm like, what rights did I lose today?

Gavin: 26:12

I promise you that I'm always gonna make it good unless it's just so important that I feel like our very informed listener needs to know this information. But don't worry, I'm gonna keep it up on the up and up.

David: 26:22

Okay, tell me a dad hack. Speaking of we need something helpful.

Gavin: 26:26

Now, do you know? I'm sure because I am not the best on social media, um, I'm sure everybody out there knows.

David: 26:32

Or texting, or paying me via Venmo, or showing up on time.

Gavin: 26:36

What do I owe you? Like 77 cents by now?

David: 26:38

How late, how late were you for the Patrick Hines recording at his studio?

Gavin: 26:43

Um, maybe 90 seconds. Oh no, I was sprinting through Midtown in the bike lane. Was it a full seven minutes? It was seven minutes. Listen. Anyway. Anyway. Um I here's the dad hack. When hugging your children, don't be the first to let them go. Let them stop the hug. We're supposed to be hugging our children. So I would imagine that you already know that supposedly that is a rule at Disneyland, although I cannot confirm that that is a rule. But do you know, does everybody know this?

David: 27:17

I I've heard that, but I also don't know if that's like the characters hold and then when the kid releases.

Gavin: 27:23

I went down a Reddit thread and um and it nobody was actually able to confirm for reels, but it did then immediately turn into a story of. But by the way, adults who are at Disneyland, please don't try this. Please don't be the one holding on to the three.

David: 27:42

Yes, looking into his eyes, beautiful eyes.

Gavin: 27:46

Most likely, you know that it's just a bunch of straight cis men who are holding on to Elsa and Anna, and that's just creepy and stupid. But I suppose per the earlier part of our conversation, if we if we do hug Goofy and we say, by the way, I'm gay, do you think that it'd be alright? Never mind.

David: 28:00

I mean, Goofy's usually tall and slender.

Gavin: 28:02

Yeah.

David: 28:04

Right? So I think that means gay.

Gavin: 28:05

Nevertheless, I think that's a good dad hack. Is um my I have found that my children are kind of like hug and go, hug and go. And um, we should be the ones to, you know, hold on to them a little bit more.

David: 28:16

I was holding my my daughter likes to be carried like a baby, but she's you know a thousand pounds and she's super tall and like she's she's not a baby anymore, right? She's she's this giant child. Um, but I was she just said, carry me down the stairs like a baby and I was doing it. And I was like, I had that one of those, like, you know, this is maybe this is gonna be a moment of awe. Yeah. Um, where I was literally going, Oh, I'm not gonna be able to do this for very much longer. My biceps are like, like I can maybe still pick you up.

Gavin: 28:43

My biceps were so great 10 years ago, and now they're now they're just flabby and they just now it's just the right one.

David: 28:50

Just the right one's good. You know what else is uneven and gross? What? Our top three list. Gate three marks, top three list, three, two, one. This is your list. Tell us what is the list this week.

Gavin: 29:05

Well, obviously, I had beaches on my mind. Um, so I said, What are your top three beach vacation destinations? Um, which obviously I've been cheating because like this is literally on my mind, and I'll just tell you that right now that my number one is St. John. I'll tell you, you should go camp on St. John. Number three for me is um is California, because um being in a Southern California beach, there is nothing like being like in the Venice beach with the with a boardwalk and people roller skating and ice cream. I kind of feel like as long as there is ice cream within reach of a beach, it's gonna be pretty great, you know? And then um number two is actually frozen beaches in Maine, because I love being in Maine, but the water is so freezing that it is not so fun. But the but I like the um the all of the topography around you is not just like sand for days, but like rocks to climb over and whatnot. So let me go back. Number three, Southern California, then Venice Beach, right? Just sexy people in roller skates and ice cream. Number two, Maine, lots of rocks to climb over, and number one, St. John in the Caribbean. But then I would say the honorary mention is just don't go to the beach with your children. It's such a pain. Just do it for yourself.

David: 30:19

What about you? Uh, I love that your list is for our rich listener. Um yeah, just go to St. John's guys. Just go to St. John's. I'm sorry. Um, so when I was doing this, when I was doing this list, I realized two major things. One is I have gone to all almost no beaches. Really? I grew up in Florida, and so I've been into a lot of Florida beaches. Yeah. But like I don't typically vacation. A, I don't vacation. We honestly vacation once every five years. And when we do, I like colder, more mountainous things, and my husband likes beaches, and so we don't get to a ton of beaches. But when I was making this list of beaches I have been to that I really like, I realized there was a there is a theme, and the theme is like hidden, private, quiet. Like there's this like theme. So uh for me, uh number three is this little tiny beach uh by where I grew up called Honeymoon Island in Florida, and it takes about 45 minutes walk to get to the very, very end. But at the very end, it's a lot of like mangroves and trees, and it's beautifully hidden, and you can kind of find your own little cove, and it's just lovely. So that's honeymoon island in Florida. Um, number two, Little Beach in Maui and Hawaii. I um okay, okay. I don't really so wait, hold on. That was that was for our honeymoon, and our honeymoon was gifted to us by some friends who have a house there. Um so we just had to pay for flights. Uh-huh. Um, but we went to uh it is a naked area.

Gavin: 31:41

I was gonna say, I have heard of Little Beach.

David: 31:43

And there is a there's a kind of an everyone area, and then there's like a little gay side or whatever, and things happen in the gay woods. But there's something about the culture. If you've never been to a nude beach before, there's something about the culture of just like this like-minded group of like open, beautiful people. And by beautiful, I mean just like there's just like this beautiful spirit. I remember when we were at this beach with my husband. Keep in mind, we are on our honeymoon, and there was this woman with the world's largest tits I've ever seen in my entire life. Huge. And we were sitting, we were like all in the water together in a like a circle just talking, and I couldn't stop because her her breasts were floating in the water as like these like this is like lovely buoys. And she was like talking to me about something, and all I could do is stare at these giant boobs, and they were hypnotizing just seeing these boobs just like just dance in front of me, like these like sirens of the deep. So um number two, Little Beach and Maui. Uh, and number one, this is so commercial, it's so corny, it's so stupid, it's so touristy. But I had the best time. I went on a um uh Disney cruise once, and they have a private island called Castaway K. And they have a hidden, like not hidden, but it's like an adults only, you have to take a drive there beach called Serenity Beach, and it is wonderful. It is crystal water screw up, of course. They don't, and I remember like in the water as we're snorkeling, there's just like real starfish everywhere. Like, who sees a fucking starfish? You do at Disney, and I don't know if they're seated or not, but who cares? Like they're like it was such a and it was quiet. There were no children, thank God, because children ruin everything. Everything. Um, and so for me, it was Castaway K in the Bahamas at Disney's Island.

Gavin: 33:22

I'm definitely themes here of uh what Disney and voluptuosity and I suppose starfish.

David: 33:31

I wish you could have seen them, Gabe, and they were so they were long, and so they were kind of in front of her just doing this against the waist. And of course, she's talking about probably something really serious, and I'm just like titties. Um so uh next week, our top three list, we're gonna go back to our musical theater roots. Oh, good. And I gotta get specific about this. The top three iconic musical theater performances. And what I mean by this is it's not the best song, and maybe it's not the best singer, but the combination of the two, it's like this is the most famous, like this is an iconic musical theater performance. But I think that everybody should love, and this is or No, your opinion on what are the top three most iconic musical theater performances.

Gavin: 34:19

Okay. Um, so my something great right now is donuts. As I was flying yesterday, I had to fly through Denver, and which is, you know, kind of my old school home. And in the Denver airport, there is a Voodoo Donuts stand. Do you know Voodoo Donuts? I do know Voodoo.

David: 34:40

Only from Portland. They have a Portland.

Gavin: 34:42

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

David: 34:43

Yeah.

Gavin: 34:43

That's where they started. So um Voodoo Donuts now has a branch in Denver, which frankly makes it a little less special, but does bring donuts to the people. And I was explaining to my kids this morning that this is the original, in my view, the original fancy overpriced donuts that um admittedly um were not as fresh this morning, having flown 2,000 miles than they would have been there in the Denver airport. But I gotta say, that's something great. They were still stale.

David: 35:11

Yeah, I mean, listen, if you're looking to get into a diabetic coma quick and in a lovely way, that is the way because those things, and they're like the amount of toppings and glaze, it's so much frosting. It's so much, yeah, yeah, yeah. But so good.

Gavin: 35:25

They voodoo donuts, man, and they're boxes that say, what is it, good things come in pink boxes, and you're just like, get it? Wow, they are they are making this, they are saying this in the airport and just marketing it all over the place. So voodoo donuts. There's something great.

David: 35:44

Um, my something great is a little general, but uh, I went to a friend's birthday party the other day and she had it at her friend's house, and it was she had she hired a magician to come and do like close-up magic. Because there were gonna be a lot of kids. No, or was it for her? No, it was just adults, it was just a bunch of grown people with a smiles decision. Yeah, it was awesome. But the party was like max 15 people, and we didn't know prior if it was gonna be this huge party or whatever. And I was just realizing how wonderful any sort of social event is when it's a smaller group of people. This goes for kids' parties now. Now we just do like two, three kids a max. Perfect. Um, it is so much better. You get to talk to people, you get to hang out, you get to actually instead of having that like two-second conversation with everyone. And so this birthday party was so fun because there was a few people I knew and a few people I didn't, but like not so many people that I didn't get to talk to every person as much as I wanted to. Oh, yeah. It didn't feel overwhelming. So, my something great, other than my friend turning 45, who I love very much. She's what she's been a guest on the show. Um, yes, yes. Um, but is small parties.

Gavin: 36:49

Small parties. I'm totally with you. Oh, it is so overwhelming to me the idea of just opening your house and thinking, are 30 people gonna show? Are 45 people gonna show, or are two people gonna show because everybody hates me, right? Yeah. Whereas when you can control just a dinner party of eight people, heaven.

David: 37:04

Also, you don't like all those people. Invite the people you like, invite the three people in your entire life that you like. Exactly. And that is our show. If you have any comments, suggestions, or general compliments, you can email us at gatriarchspodcast at gmail.com.

Gavin: 37:20

Or you can DM us on Instagram. We are at Gatriarchspodcast. On the internet, David is at DavidFM Bon Everywhere, and Gavin is at Gavin Lodge on Little Beach, but still clothed.

David: 37:31

Please leave us a glowing five star review wherever you get your podcasts.

Gavin: 37:36

Thanks, and we'll serve up voluptuosity to you next time on another episode of Gatriarchs.