The one with s3x coach Court Vox

This week, David and his daugher have a bedtime standoff, Gavin's daugther is suspicious, David gets tricked by the hot solar panel salesman, we rank the top 3 things to bring to a summer BBQ, and this week we are joined by somatic sex coach and fellow gay Dad Court Vox who talks to us about his journey into fatherhood, what he's learned by being a s3x coach, and how to clap back to someone who asks too personal of a question. 

Questions? Comments? Rants? Raves? Send them to GaytriarchsPodcast@gmail.com, or you can DM us anywhere @GaytriarchsPodcast

Transcript

David: 0:00

But like you're just just every once in a while, you're like, and this is the number one list. There's just a little dip. There's just a a tiny little dip of diction that says Gavin's had a feel. And then this is Gage Rearkes. So you know how I uh I have a challenging daughter.

Gavin: 0:35

Oh, she's beautiful. She's beautiful. That's all that matters.

David: 0:40

It is all that matters in life is that you're skinny and rich. But and beautiful. And beautiful. Yes. Um, so we were having a night, and it was one of those like 45-minute temper tantrum at bed, running away from me, slamming doors. It was just like one of those. It's all your fault. It's all my fault, but it was just like one of those really I was losing my cool. She was gone into another dimension. Anyway, and it could, and you know, after I finally closed the door, it was like breaking out of the room. It was just nonstop. And it was excuse after excuse after excuse. It was like, um, um, I hit my lip on the thing. I need ice, I need a new water, I'm my foot hurts. It was like all the things, right?

Gavin: 1:18

Is your son just sleeping through all of this?

David: 1:21

Sometimes he does, and sometimes he gets upset, honestly. And that's something that's one of like the real reasons I get annoyed. But anyway, so the night is going terribly, and she keeps saying, like, but I hit my lip and I did this. And I'm like, stop it. You're making shit up. Go to bed. Like, I'm like, just I've had it. So I go to bed feeling guilty as usual, just replaying the night, and where could I have done better? And so I'm like, all right, I'm gonna get there in the morning and I'm gonna tell her, Listen, you you were making stuff up, but I I really want you to do better and whatever. So I walk into the room and also I love you no matter what. And also I love you no matter what. So I walk into a room in the morning and I say, Hey, honey, I'm here. And she sits up and she's got a giant cut on her lip, full of blood. She was telling the truth. And I said, Stop making shit up in the dark. I didn't even look for it, lay back down, and I closed the door. So for looking, if anybody out there is looking for worst father of the year, that would be Well, you've come to the right podcast.

Gavin: 2:25

Yeah, you've come here to always know that you are better than us. We will always stand as examples of horrible parenting and um and dad dads of the year in the sarcastic sense, not the sincere sense. You know what this reminds me of? You might be ending your night, you might be ending your night with terrible dad behavior. Brought on by terrible daughter behavior. But I'm starting my day with that because we are in the thick of summertime um camps and whatnot. And my daughter was asked to be a little like, I don't know, free labor helper at a uh summer camp for the last two weeks. And we've been super proud of her because she seems to have stepped up and the teacher was like, she was so great. And she immediately was at my feet saying, Hey, what can I do next? What can I do next? And both my partner and I were like, Are we talking about the same child? Really? I mean, she's proactive and helpful and all the things, which reminds us that we who is the who are the assholes in this podcast? Obviously, your daughter and me. Yes, but yes, but not our children, or not my child.

David: 3:35

Well, not our children. It it is it is especially their fault when they purposely do things right in an effort to piss us off because it was it was a deliberate measure on my daughter's part to purposely hit her. She was yeah, yeah.

Gavin: 3:50

She she sabotaged your night and your mental health. 100%.

David: 3:53

So does your daughter is trying to help to pull the rug out from you. Yeah.

Gavin: 3:58

But she wakes up every single morning furious with the world. And we're not waking her up at 5 30 in the morning like we have to in the in the during the school year. We're we're going, we're pushing 8 05, 8.10 because we got to be out the door in 40 minutes. And um, man, I mean every single morning, every single morning. A, everything is our fault because we didn't, I don't know, fill up her water bottle. B, everything is our fault because we didn't make the lunch that she wanted. C, everything is our fault because we, I don't know, opened the door for her, but we did it too quickly. So she had to step back to it. It is, it is, it's exhausting. It's just exhausting.

David: 4:41

So speaking of like cunning people and divisive people, yeah. So I am, this will surprise you, Gavin. Sit down. I am a bit of a curmudgeon when it comes to particular things in my life. One of them is a call out of nowhere from like a salesman. And then the other one is people knocking on my door to like sell me things, right? If you're if you're knocking on my door, does that happen still? Are these people selling encyclopedias? They're selling solar panels and they're selling suburbs. Yeah. So the the doorbell rings, and I'm practicing choreography in the kitchen because that's what I do for my job. And I look out the window and I can see like a keep in mind my pride flag is out. That I should have done that to set up a story. There's a guy like a like a monogrammed polo who like walks back down the stairs and is standing by the street, and I was like, here we go. Here's another fucking douchey salesman, blah, blah, blah. So I so I walk out there and I open the door, and it's the most beautiful man I've ever seen.

Gavin: 5:42

And you're like, I don't even care what it is or how much it costs.

David: 5:47

I'm on my knees begging to buy this thing from you. But wait, so I'm I'm I'm like, no, no, no, don't talk to me. I don't like you. I I lie, you know, I'm like, I don't own the house. Like, I'm just I just want him gone, even though he's super hot. I don't speak anything. This motherfucker, and it's and it is hot out there, I will say, but this motherfucker, you know, like when guys will like lift their shirt up to wipe the sweat off their stunt, like their mouth to show you their stomach. This motherfucker pulls that move, and he's got the most incredible midsection I've ever seen in my entire life. And then he continued to sales pitch me. I said, Bitch, you saw the pride flag, you heard me say, and you said, We're moving this to DEF CON. Yeah. And so I was obviously I wasn't interested in anything, but you know, so now we have solar panels, and um, no, but it was, but I I I I just I literally put it on the list to talk about things because I was like, what a genius move by a salesperson to go look at these faggots. They like dudes, I've got great abs. Look at them, maybe they'll buy my shit. Honestly, I almost bought them.

Gavin: 6:54

Did you did you get gay vibes from him? No at all.

David: 6:58

Zero. I got I got the straight guy who who plays that card perfectly.

Gavin: 7:03

Well done. And bravo, straight guy playing that card.

David: 7:06

Bravo.

Gavin: 7:06

Bravo. I remember being in my doctor's office years ago, and I feel like every single pharmaceutical rep, which he always had pharmaceutical reps coming into his office every single time I was there, which was frankly not frequently, but I assume that the pharmaceutical reps were there frequently, and they were all super hot dudes with undoubtedly abs. And they, I mean, they played the straight card very well. Who knows if they were or not, but yeah, you just never know. You just never know. That seems like an amazing dad hack, by the way, though. If you are a desperate seller of some sorts and you've got abs, and who cares what your gender is, but go to the gaze and show them. You see that American flag and you go to, or excuse me, the you know, the pride flag and you go show your abs.

David: 7:53

So for those of you out there who don't know, um, we're recording this about 11 hours before release because we have been so busy. And Gavin texted me before we we're recording at 8.19 p.m. the night before this is released. And Gavin texted me, goes, I will be drunk. And so so the slurring you hear is earnest. But what is what is also earnest is um our uh best friend and my future ex-wife Sam from the Baby Ready Um podcast DM'd us the other day because she listened to the episode with Jamie Grayson, which was last week. And she sent me a DM and I want to read it to you because no, no, no, it's a good one. Okay. I want to uh read it. So she is also what they call a uh child restraint technician, is what they're called. It's like the safe safety specialist in Canada.

Gavin: 8:38

Which is not the same as holding kids down while they're having temper tantrums, to be clear, right?

David: 8:43

So she said, I wanted to add to the point that Jamie made today about car seat costs. Car seats are a hundred percent political, as you all talked about, but with the tariffs leading to increased costs, that makes them prohibitive. Sure, some may get them secondhand from sketchy sources, but more than that, I worry about the people who don't get them at all and hope to keep their baby safe, but not believing that they have another choice. Let's have politicians rally for keeping costs down, not pushing them up when it comes to making sure our children are safe. That's she's got a fucking point. She does. So, everyone go listen to the Baby Ready podcast. But also, Sam, you're totally right. And that's why we had Jamie on, and everything is political.

Gavin: 9:26

Um I mean, sadly, I mean, I love that everything's political in the sense of like, I love politics, but everything affects your life. Yeah. Everything affects your life. But you know what's not political?

David: 9:38

What? Gatriarchs. And tell us about your dad hack of the week, will you? Are you kidding me? This is the most political issue in the world. By the way, fuck Trump, every one of you who voted for him. I hope you die. All right. So um, my dad hack of the week, I realized as I was walking through my kitchen, I own it and I and it was something I stole from another parent, and it has saved me. If you're the dad, I am the dad who cooks all meals. So I'm in charge of getting dinner ready, getting lunches ready, planning or whatever. And it just the Sunday comes around, you go, how many more times are we doing tacos and burgers? And like, like, what am I gonna do? And I went to a friend's house and they had one of these like magnetic menu boards with like chalk markers laid up against the fridge. And you know, all she wrote was like pizza, mac and cheese, like she, whatever. Just having it written down where it says Wednesday, we're doing this, and you can either plan to buy that stuff that day or whatever. It when I say hack, I mean it absolutely changed the stress level for me. Yeah, because I went, all right, I have everything we need from Monday through Thursday. For Friday, I'm gonna need to get pork win or whatever. So I am encouraging all of you out there. It's I think it was$14 on Amazon. It's a magnetic um menu board and it has saved our family. And now, by that my kids can read, they look at the board every week and they start crying and complaining about what's on there. So it's a it's a lot of fun. Ahead of time. Ahead of time.

Gavin: 10:56

So this episode was brought to you by the Amazon menu cork board. And uh please go buy one and then give us a donation of 57 cents. Um, uh so I was wondering though, until you talked about your kids learning to read and them crying ahead of time, I was thinking, wait, is this helping you or is it helping the kids? Because I gotta say, with a 13-year-old girl who does not still have a problem with, you know, change and surprises, I find myself needing to be able to write out her schedule for the entire week. And as long as she knows what's coming, she doesn't freak out. But surprises are not her jam. So maybe I need to turn this dad hack also not just into a menu board, but a like here's everything that's happening in your day board. Not just a calendar, but a like, you know, here's the reminder of this, that, and the other.

David: 11:43

Yeah, for me, it's it's it's absolutely just for me. Only because, like, just to know what's like I because it not it's floating in my head, like I could make board shops tonight. It's like, no, this is what we're doing tonight. We have the stuff.

Gavin: 11:54

It's really you plan in advance on Sundays and you know by Wednesday when your brain is completely fried. That's very helpful. I love that. I'm adopting it.

David: 12:01

All right.

Gavin: 12:01

So guess what? There is absolutely no good news out in the world, but I found a couple of quick things, okay? So remember uh Donald Trump's oh god, we shouldn't even say his like he doesn't even deserve to be mentioned on this, does he? Okay, he who's Voldemort, Voldemort. Voldemort, Voldemort and his dumbass big Bafo bill, right? Well, guess what? Those fuckers tried to slide in some anti-trans legislation into the big bullshit bill, right? Yeah. But guess what? The Senate parliamentarian who, considering the fact that probably is a nonpartisan role, but you know, I don't know. The Senate parliamentarian who makes the senators abide by all of the rules and the traditions of the Senate said, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, this anti-trans action is actually violating the Byrd rule based upon West Virginia Senator Byrd, which says that all the reconciliation bills cannot be must be tied to finance. They can't have extraneous issues. So the parliamentarian was like, you can't squeeze a bunch of bullshit trans, anti-trans stuff into this big bullshit bill. And I just want to say, thank you, Senate parliamentarian, for um, you know, abiding by actual uh legal precedent.

David: 13:16

So that's good news, I think. Is that the same as the Senate bottom? Is that the same guy? Uh the one who got fucked in that video. Remember? Sorry, did I did I mess you with your groove? I'm trying to push us through. We gotta be done in three minutes.

Gavin: 13:29

Right, right, right, right, right. Okay. Also, a judge dropped a bullshit case against an Illinois trans woman who was going to the bathroom in Florida and is believed to be the first one who first trans person who was arrested in Florida based upon their anti-trans bathroom bill. And but luckily, but listen, the judge threw it out and they're like, listen, you didn't cross all the T's and dot all the I's based on like, I don't know, filling out the nonsensical um uh paper uh um my god, Kevin.

David: 13:55

This episode is released in like a 11 minutes, and you're and you're just sleeping.

Gavin: 14:01

I don't know, the ticket they got. I don't know if they got a ticket in the bathroom or what, but nevertheless, the judge threw it out. So that's a good thing. And also, there's a sh uh back to Illinois, there's a Chicago eatery that had a pop-up spoofing Chick-fil-A, and what it was that they called it Chick-Feel Gay, and they were selling chicken sandwiches all over the city of um Chicago. And that is all good gay news, in my view.

David: 14:25

You know what's not good or gay? Our our dilf of the week? I think you skipped something. No, no, we still have a dilf. Well, you didn't put in the outline. Sorry.

Gavin: 14:35

I did well, right, right, well, well, there it is. But trust me, guess what? We have a dilf of the week. And who did I ask? God, that was a good transition to. Okay. It was it was it was it was mediocre. Guess what? Chat GPT chose our dilf of the week this week. And who is it? Who? Henry Cavill, the hot Superman. I mean, come on, gay icon. Like you're in your lycra and your your bulges all over the place.

David: 14:56

Superman in general is a total icon for sure.

Gavin: 14:59

Absolutely. So he um I you know what? I don't even know if he's a dad or if he's gay, but the fact is he could be both. But chat GPT chose our doof of the week, and I think that's hilarious. What else is hilarious? What? Our top three list. Gatriarchs, top three list, three, two, one.

David: 15:19

Oh god. Unfortunately, this is your list, so you're gonna go first. What are we gonna talk about today?

Gavin: 15:26

So this week, I suggested having um the top three thing, recipes that you should bring, or dishes that you should bring to a summer barbecue, okay? Um, because I don't know, it's all so cliche, right? And maybe we lean into the cliche or maybe we don't. So for me, number three is ribs. Ribs are actually really easy to make. Yeah. It does take a little bit of advanced planning, but it's easy to make, and you can eat them hot or cold or whatever. So I think number three, a bowl of ribs is a little bit of a surprise and um and super tasty. And everybody always loves them, right? Mm-hmm. Number two, French onion dip and ruffles. Oh, yeah. Now, classic. If you think, but is that the taste of 1989 to you? Oh, wait. Were you born in 1989? Yes, but like, yes, no.

David: 16:13

Uh I was at two parties. To me, that's a pool party. Do you know what I mean?

Gavin: 16:17

Okay, well, whatever it is. I feel like uh last weekend, which was the 4th of July, because we are recording this 11 hours before it's released. Um, I took ruffles and French onion dip pre-packaged, obvious. There was no Einegarten involved in this. And guess what? The crude and the and the prosciutto and cheese was still left behind. But what was not left behind? Yeah, the ruffles and the French onion dip. Because 1989 is back, baby. Number one, not pasta salad. Because nobody likes pasta salad. You can't have a negative top. I can't. I did. I'm a negative top once in a while, and I think not pasta salad.

David: 16:57

Negative topic.

Gavin: 16:59

Exactly the the the number one. Don't bring pasta salad. Does anybody really there's always leftovers? There's never good enough.

David: 17:06

It's never good enough.

Gavin: 17:07

It's never good enough. Yeah, that's never good enough. What about you, David? Speaking of never good enough.

David: 17:11

Yeah, so I'm realizing that mine are very vintage, but also I think mine are requirements at all. Um summer barbecues. So for number three for me, Mexican corn salad. It sounds fancy. It's just corn and some cojita cheese. And mayonnaise. And mayonnaise and like all the bullshit. But it just feels real, real good uh out of summer barbecue. Uh, number two, speaking of vintage, I made this the other day. It is a fucking hit. Strawberries and cream ice box cake. Do you know what an icebox cake is? I three take cookies and you layer it with whipped cream and you let it sit in the fridge for a day so it softens into like cake form.

Gavin: 17:48

What kind of cookies though?

David: 17:49

Like, like if you do a chocolate one, it could be, yeah, it could be nil-wafers, it could be Oreos, it could be anything like that. I do strawberries and cream, so I'll do like vanilla Oreos, whipped cream, and strawberries. Ooh, it's fucking delicious. Uh, number one, the number one thing you need to bring to all barbecues, ice. I don't mean like the I don't mean like to take away your friends. I mean a bag, uh an eight-pound bag of you know, uh gas station ice. Everyone needs ice. Yeah, even when they say don't bring ice, bring ice. We all need it. It's too fucking hot outside. It's so hot right now. Okay, what's next week? Next week, what are your top three taco toppings?

Gavin: 18:30

Our guest today is all about sex. And David, he wants you to be all about sex, but not me at the moment. But not but not in your teenager, giggly, repressed, embarrassed, puritanical way, but like in a profound and spiritual and open-minded way. So he's like, well, definitely more too mature for anything that goes on on this podcast. But he's a uh certified somatic sex coach, not to be confused with a traditional sex coach, or frankly a psychotherapist for that matter, but that all plays a part in what he does. And he's also, most importantly, a gay dad. Welcome to the show, the guy who probably knows more dick jokes than even David does. Here's Court Vox. Thank you for joining us, Court. Good morning. Yeah, good morning. So, knowing that your kid is grown, you have a 21-year-old son, I bet there are still ways that he's already driven you bonkers recently. Can you tell us how?

SPEAKER_03: 19:28

Yeah, I think that the the thing right now that I'm working with him on is being more responsible with with kind of like adulting.

SPEAKER_01: 19:35

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03: 19:35

And so he has he has his own jobs and he's doing really well with that. And you know, he lives with my mom, his grandma, and um he has to pay rent now. And you know, it's not a lot, but it's the it's we're having an exercise when he moves into the the the real thing that um he has an experience of paying on time, and it's really hard to get him to pay. That rent on time, I'm like, this landlord is this landlord job is for the birds. So yeah. But um it's it's it's a difficult thing, and I think feel like it's important for him to learn. And yeah, best he do it now instead of being out in the real world where he's like 10 days late, and you know, they're not so kind with that.

David: 20:22

And I feel like when you maybe I don't know how your mom is, but like grandmothers in general, those are soft targets. Oh my god, they are so so easy to manipulate. My son will look in the general direction of a toy, and my mom has purchased 40 of them.

Gavin: 20:37

No, no, yeah. Well, what is your grandmother like as a landlord? I mean, is she is this a good way to ease him into real life or is she attached to him?

SPEAKER_03: 20:45

I'm actually the landlord. So um, yeah. So my my so just to kind of understand the the family dynamics, my mom and I raised my son together. Uh-huh. Um, I adopted Connor when he was, or we adopted Connor when he was four years old. Um, he is my sister's biological son. Um and um, yeah, my sister passed three years ago. She finally succumbed to to drugs after a lifetime battle. And so, you know, it was condolences for that. That's true. Yeah, thank you.

Gavin: 21:16

You've been on a journey for sure.

SPEAKER_03: 21:18

Yeah, it's definitely been a journey, um, you know, a little bit different than than some gay dads. And I think there's a lot of gay dads that have have stepped up to to take care of family um family children and you know be parents for kids that have lost parents or parents who weren't able to. And so, you know, huge respect to those those men and and women who step up in that way.

Gavin: 21:41

Um so then was parenting on your uh long-term plan when you suddenly found yourself a dad?

SPEAKER_03: 21:49

Oh no, I was not on my long-term plan. I was that guy that would go to restaurants and be like, don't sit me next to the kids. Yeah. There'd be like general direction towards the children and be like, no, that's not gonna work for me.

David: 22:02

Or that's still that's still me. That's still you. Don't put me near other people's kids. I'm not interested.

SPEAKER_03: 22:09

Yeah, right. And I, you know, I would be like, oh god, these kids are so unruly. Like, if I were a parent, this would never happen. And then universal, universal universal eye had one, and he was like the kid throwing spaghetti everywhere and like screaming and yelling and laughing and running through the restaurant. That was my guess.

David: 22:28

Yeah, it's like I can't believe those parents are just putting an iPad in front of their kid. If I was a parent, they would all be playing with Montessori toys all day. Yeah, yeah. And we all capitulate.

Gavin: 22:39

So, I mean, knowing that it wasn't on your plan though, how tell us a little bit bit more would you uh about how you stepped into the role? It was it was clearly out of necessity and survival, but you were like, I guess I'm doing this.

SPEAKER_03: 22:51

You know, it happened very quickly. Um, I, you know, for reasons I won't get into, my sister wasn't able to care for him uh when he was around nine months old. And my mom had stepped in to to take care of him, and she was in a really bad accident, and she had to be in the hospital for three months, and there was nobody else. And so um he came to live with me for the first time, me and my partner at the time when he was nine months old. And, you know, from that point on, it just became this um back and forth between my mom and I because she was in and out of the hospital for the next like 10, 15 years. Wow, wow. And um, and also my sister um was in and out of rehab. And by the time he was four, it just became apparent that she wasn't going to rise to the occasion. And so we we made a decision to adopt him officially um just to kind of um it was easier to be his parents and kind of move with doctors and get him benefits and things like that. Um, but we we didn't have access to when he when he wasn't when he wasn't my son. So it was it was something that that was like actually overnight. Um it wasn't a a plan, it was sort of like this incident happened and it was like we need you to take him. And so I kind of became a dad overnight, which was you know, I look back on it and I it I was in full survival mode. Um, it was very scary, um, very kind of I was just kind of acting on impulse and yeah um people make fun of gays for having audacity, all the audacity, but guess what?

David: 24:31

Gays also have all the capacity. Bitch, we can step up and do a lot of capacity, yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 24:36

Yes. Yeah, and I I had just moved in to with my first boyfriend a month previously. I had just I just graduated college three months earlier, so there was a lot of like life changes happening, and it just kind of like all came to a head. And so it was a it was a really big, big moment in my life, a really big shift.

Gavin: 24:54

Uh-huh. Gosh. I mean, that's unbelievable. And so you were working on impulse, but ultimately your instincts drove you well, right? I mean, I understand. We all make mistakes along the way, but you made it happen. And he's now a 21-year-old who's working, um he's who's working and paying rent, maybe not always on time.

SPEAKER_03: 25:13

So you did it. Yeah, you know, you know, I I look at some parents online, and a friend of mine posted something the other day, and she was like, uh, we just we barely got out of the house, and this is what m my daughter looks like today, and her clothes are all over the place. And I wrote her and I said, you know what? It was a success. You guys got dressed. Yeah, and you guys got out the door like just celebrate, celebrate that as a win.

Gavin: 25:36

It's the simple shit. It really, really is. So now, but wait a minute. You so you were fresh out of college, David. Can you imagine being a gay dad just having moved in with your first boyfriend out of college? I mean, this has the makings of a movie, which by the way, have you already sold your movie rights?

David: 25:55

Like, I like when we were Gavin and I were on our knees behind the Walmart trash can after college. Like, what are you talking about? Like that sort of, yeah, that that's pretty big.

SPEAKER_03: 26:07

Yeah, it was big.

Gavin: 26:08

It only vaguely reminds me of a previous guest we had, Stephen Rowling, who wrote um The Gunkle of like the uncle. Oh, you do? Okay, well, there you go.

SPEAKER_03: 26:17

I know his partner, yeah.

David: 26:18

Your story is much more intense than his is, though, that's for sure. But we've had a lot of guests on the show who are who who have come to become dads in and by non-traditional, I mean I'm not adopted, not surrogate, unconventional ways. Craig Ramsey, our very first guest, also becomes a dad by the yeah, exactly.

Gavin: 26:38

So you were a super young dad in a pool of probably not old parents, but certainly older than you were. What was it like? Did you do PTA meetings and stuff with people who were 15 years older? And were they hot, by the way, also? The dads?

SPEAKER_03: 26:51

No. I was 23 when when Connor was born, and um so I was really young, and you know, I worked for Yahoo at the time, and I was really lucky. We you had a we had a really great preschool that was on our campus that I had I had access to.

Gavin: 27:09

Fantastic.

SPEAKER_03: 27:10

That he was able to go to. And, you know, the parents were by and large like 15, sometimes 20 years older than me. And that was hard. I mean, it's not it wasn't just hard being 20 years younger, but being in sort of this family dynamic that's not a traditional family of of, you know, we weren't, I wasn't even like two gay dads. It was like a gay, a gay dad, a grandma, you know, and um, you know, as much as people like to say they have open minds, there's they're really judgmental.

David: 27:41

No, they have open minds, they can push the boundaries a little bit from that heteronormative nuclear family, but that's just like, oh, we're swapping out a girl for a boy. But something like you're saying non-traditional, I can absolutely see how people would be judgmental. And also you have to do this thing constantly, which is like re-explain your situation to every new person. And then you have to decide every time how much am I gonna say and how much, but I'm just gonna say I'm his dad.

SPEAKER_03: 28:05

Yeah, I mean, I I actually got to the point where I would say something like, you know what, when when when I know you a little better, I'll tell you the story. Oh, that's a good one. You know, but but people would ask me, and they still ask me very strange questions like, How did you get him?

Gavin: 28:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 28:19

Or where did he where did he come from? You know, as if like I just ordered him online or something. Yeah. So like the the A, the like desensitivity to like the actual questions and the the the privilege right to even ask the question that that people have is is there's some audacity there. Um that I I've I've learned to shut down and call people, call people out on in kind of soft but poignant ways.

David: 28:49

Well, I love the I love the way you said, like, I'll tell you when we know each other a little bit better. That's like what a great because it's it's it's not dickish, but it is saying, hey, here's my line, and you're not on this side of it yet. Yeah, yeah.

Gavin: 29:01

I appreciate you not telling us that on our podcast, and so we are cleanly clearly leaning into our audacity, but your story is. Oh, we are all the audacity. Yeah, we have all the audacity.

SPEAKER_03: 29:10

Yeah, I I also think um, you know, people want to know, but I I also question why they want to know. And you know, this is with all things. And yeah, the other piece to that is, you know, this is only partly my story, and a lot of it's his story too. And so I'm mindful of, you know, who I'm sharing it with and how. And you know, he's in a place in his life where you know he shares this story openly. And so uh that that feels more in alignment with me sharing it more openly.

Gavin: 29:40

And so what was your saving grace, or what did you rely on? Were there books were there books you read or just friends you asked? And obviously your mom was a partner in it, which is awesome, but ultimately what got you through? Was it just instinct?

SPEAKER_03: 29:53

You know, I um the the whole first three years is a little blurry because the the sleep was so um sporadic. Um and I I was trying to work and also take care of him, and it was really hard. Um you know, trying to keep my relationship together. You know, my my first boyfriend Peter was really lovely and really lovely with him, and um, you know, also working a really stressful, you know, full-time job. And so I you know, I had that. Um I had a a community of kind of like ragtag humans, as I like to call them, nice, um, who would help out. And um I just this feels awkward to say, but um, one of our best friends, she used to be the the publicist to Guns N' Roses, Rat, Warren D. Martinez, a lot of things. And, you know, she she had a lot of friends who were um sex workers, and one of her Slash's ex-wife is actually a former madam. Amazing. And you know, at the time I needed a nanny, and so we I hired this woman who was like an ex-sex worker, which feels so appropriate in my line. In your life, yeah. In my in my in my whole lineage of life, it's like, of course, that's who is there in my life. But, you know, I I think it it was still challenging to find people, and I, you know, I sometimes didn't make the right choices with people and um, you know, rectified those quickly. But it's you know, it's hard. It's it was it was a I I would love to say, you know, it was all like roses.

David: 31:33

Oh no, we're this is wrong podcast.

Gavin: 31:36

We wouldn't believe you. Yeah, we wouldn't believe you because it's not roses for anybody ever. I mean there are moments of rosiness, but um no matter your situation or David's situation or my situation, it's it's all it's all tough.

David: 31:49

And also, I honestly like actually that is a great transition, like madam of like sex workers to a like a daycare nanny. Like to me, those are the equal skills. I'm running a tight ship. No bullshit happens under my watch. I'm in charge of all of you. We are keeping safe with feminine energy. Yeah, yeah.

Gavin: 32:08

There are limits, everybody's safe. We're all kind and we're respectful, and and yeah, feminine matriarchy for sure.

SPEAKER_03: 32:16

Yeah, and I guess like what I what I have come to learn now is that you know, erotic energy, sexual energy is is healing energy. Those those people have healer in them. And you know, there's so much stigma and um narrative around these people, but I think it stems for ultimately from jealousy because you know, those people have access to their bodies, they have access to an embodiment and an a capacity to be with people at their most vulnerable, their most uh their most deepest desires. And you know, that is not a job for everyone. Yeah. So when people think, oh, it's so easy to just be uh a whore, it's actually it's not. It's a really um, it requires a human that has capacity to hold physical, emotional, mental um capacities because a majority of those types of clients, they're not just coming for sex. They're coming for companionship and they're looking to remedy loneliness. They're looking to um seek out people who will help them um expand their pleasure and um help them dig into fantasies and explore them without shame and without judgment.

David: 33:40

That's I think the core that to me is the cornerstone of that is like I it's the one space I feel like I am free of judgment, so I can maybe find a truthful part of myself. And that actually leads us great into you. I want to know about you, Court, because we know how you became a dad, we know a little bit about that, but like who are you? Tell us everything about you, go.

SPEAKER_03: 34:01

Well, that's a really big question. You know, I think just in telling this story, and you guys said, you know, we could make a movie out of this.

Gavin: 34:08

I think I I'm planning to already think about how to get the rights.

SPEAKER_03: 34:12

I I've I've lived a lot of lives already. I'm 45 in this lifetime. I you know, I've I have had a lot of lives. I um I worked in corporate for a while, um, Yahoo and then Disney. I also um was a lead singer in a boy band, and then I was a lead singer in in a band. Sure. Um and that was a big part of my life for about 15 years. Um, you know, and and then I kind of transitioned into this work, um, started to about uh eight years ago, have been doing this professionally for six. And so, you know, just there's been a lot of um a lot of I'm like a cat with nine lives. I feel like I'm on the fourth one.

Gavin: 34:52

Why did you set up Body Box, this company?

SPEAKER_03: 34:56

Yeah.

Gavin: 34:57

And actually, actually, before you even say that, can you say what is your what is this work?

SPEAKER_03: 35:02

So I am a somatic sex and intimacy coach. I work with clients one-on-one. I predominantly work with GBTQ men and straight cis women. Um, I work with gay couples and I also work with um straight couples. Um I created this work because I felt a calling to help people explore their erotic potential, their pleasure. It's something that is not part of our vocabulary, our lexicon. And what is a part of our lexicon is shame and fear, and um that's just not a great place to approach sex from. It's not a great place to approach our bodies from. And so I I was called to create um a company, a business, a practice really, of supporting humans to find their erotic body, to realign, to remember, you know, a lot of this is I I'm not I'm giving people tools and toys to remember their essence. And it's interesting that I'm speaking to you about, you know, being a parent, but if I if I could give myself one piece of advice as a parent, like going back, I think it would be to support and foster the essence of my son rather than try to mold him into what everybody else wanted him to be, including myself. Because he he had and still has a very strong personality, uh willful personality. And instead of um trying to fight that and and move it into like sit still, you know, you stay here, I probably would have put him in uh you know homeschool and found different alternatives that worked better for him as a human and supported his essence and supported his um his his natural personality because at this point he is who he is still, and you know, it was just a lot of like uh uh uh fighting to figure out our place together. And finally, I I do understand him, and I I it's been 21 years of of trying to figure that out.

Gavin: 37:24

What is there a direct link between repressing our child selves and then living truth as an adult?

SPEAKER_03: 37:36

Oh, yeah. You know, I'm just gonna go back to my childhood. I went to private school, um, started in kindergarten, and I remember we would go to have reading class, and we had these small uh carpet squares that we had to sit in. And we had to walk single file line, like army children, to get to get from place to place. You know, and it created structure, it created order in the school, but it also created um sort of there was no room for personality or autonomy. And so this idea of like sit still on this little carpet, do not get outside of that square, get back in there. You your your leg is outside that carpet. Sit crisscross applesauce, there we go, good job. You know, it was very um regimented, and I think that is the message that we are giving people constantly is is be quiet, sit still. You know, so that is like close your voice, you know, put your body into stillness and ignore the amount of movement that you're wanting to access. And that is not a child, a child, and and and it's not a human. Like we are designed to move, we are designed to speak, to sing, to yell, to scream, and we wonder why we're so like why am I feeling this necessity to just like break out of my own skin? And so this is this is the somatic piece around sexuality. It's like this is the whole body, it's voice, it's movement, it's our sound, it's our access to choice, to make choice and voice. Oftentimes we're guiding children to make choices that um don't always benefit them. I remember, you know, my my mom, my mom is is a lovely human, and she is one of the reasons I am so uh sexually liberated and free. She was very open about talking about masturbation and things like that and sex, and we always had conversations. And I'm gonna get more to that in a second, why I think that's important. But um I lost my train of thought.

David: 39:54

Uh I was just I just kept thinking about when you're saying we're driven to this, we're driven to that. I'm often driven to the Cheesecake Factory, which is probably Probably why my my sexual proclivity is very small. Um but I I think what you say.

SPEAKER_03: 40:05

I mean I could actually name why you do that too. Yeah, yeah.

Gavin: 40:07

Please wait, wait, please do. Yeah. Why does he do that?

SPEAKER_03: 40:10

You know, when we when we suppress things, it has to be expressed in some way. And so that is your expression, right? If I don't know what you're suppressing, and you may not even know, it could be like a litany of things, but there is it if you the more you suppress something, it will be expressed somewhere. And oftentimes, you know, when we're talking about family dynamics, we're talking about field energy as well. And so you might be repressing something and you're not able to express it, but your child might be able to.

David: 40:42

So I'm curious, this is all wonderful information, but for our dads out there, maybe who have kind of fallen victim, like a lot of us do, to the kind of the slog of parenting, especially those first couple years, and they feel like they've kind of lost themselves sexually, and they're they're just kind of shells of their former gay selves. Um, what is what is like maybe one kind of very practical beginning piece of advice for one of these dads who kind of wants to start to reclaim that part of themselves?

SPEAKER_03: 41:11

Yeah. I mean, I do I work with a lot of gay dads, which is so interesting because when I became when I was a dad, I had the hardest time finding gay dads to support me, to be in in community with. And now it just feels like they're coming out of the woodwork. You know, there I think there is a like a gestation period, you know, in those early years where it's really important to kind of hunker down. And, you know, you do have to decide where your energy goes. And a lot of your energy is supporting this new life. And um, you know, I would call that erotic energy.

Gavin: 41:48

Is that because you're you're you're touch, you're getting as in tune with your own instincts for survival as any?

SPEAKER_03: 41:56

You know, I think it's it's it's survival instincts, but I think it's more than that. I think when I when I'm talking about erotic energy, I'm I'm not always talking about sex. I think we put our erotic energy into our sex, but we also put it into various parts of our lives. And erotic energy is life force energy. It's the thing that like drives us, it's the things that makes us uh wants us to wake up in the morning. And, you know, as much as some days parenting is survival, that's not why most of us have had children. It's there's a there's a life force energy of wanting to give life to this. And so, you know, those first couple years of giving literal life to someone who is not able to provide for themselves, a lot of that energy is going there. And so, you know, coming out of that of like, okay, they're finally gonna go to preschool and I have some free time. There's some, you know, there's a transition phase in there, which is sort of like, who am I? Yeah. Who am I? And like, who is this, what is this body that I inhabit?

David: 43:00

You know, it's sort of like Because there's the I'm sorry to interrupt, but there's also because what I think it's two things. I think it's one is like, I want to find myself again, but there's also the like in that period that I feel like I wasn't myself, I've changed. And so I have to find myself in my new life again, which is I think sometimes you can get confused between the two.

SPEAKER_03: 43:22

Yeah, I I think um kind of getting into comparing and contrasting of yourself is a is a is a dead end game. I think the the more important questions is like being in inquiry and curiosity of who am I right now? What are what are my desires in this moment? You know, going back to who you were before your child is sort of like like you said, you are not the same person.

David: 43:50

I don't exist anymore, yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 43:52

And you know, to consider, and this is something I talk to couples a lot that have been together for for multiple years, is you're every seven years your body completely turns over on a cellular level. So you're you're not the same. Your your cellular body is not the same as it was seven years ago. So consider that when you're talking about your erotic life and your sex life, of like, especially with a a partner, is like, you know, we're not the same people.

SPEAKER_02: 44:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 44:21

And instead of like going, I miss that old part of myself, and and and that's like a process too of grieving what was, but also like being inquiry of like, what does my body want now? What do I desire now? Who am I now? And that's a if we can look at that from a place of excitement instead of dread. Like that's a that's a really great place to be.

David: 44:45

Yeah. I mean, Gabin, what is your answer? What do you want now, other than nachos and more Love Island? I mean, what else do you want?

Gavin: 44:52

I just wanted him to analyze you. I don't I I'm not personally.

David: 44:56

He doesn't have the skill set whatsoever to deal with this mountain of crazy.

Gavin: 45:00

Uh I am so curious to know. You started this business while your son was a teenager, which is uh what level of I'm imagining my children reacting to me doing something like this, and the cringe factor would be off the charts. They'd be like, ew gross, no. And by the way, we do talk about sex at home. It is not a uh taboo subject, but what what was that like on a superficial teenager parent uh level?

SPEAKER_03: 45:29

You know, I I I actually don't know. Like I probably need to ask him um now, but it didn't feel like a big deal. Um you know, we've always talked about sex, we've always talked about drugs in our house um from like a really early age. And I think um I think it's important to talk about sexuality from the beginning, like it's just an a normal part of life. I think kind of gatekeeping certain information that's age appropriate is important. Sure. Um but to to not talk about it is a disservice to both of you. And I think parents and adults often parentify children's erotic and sexual experiences. We overlay our shit in our stories on them, and and really they're in this very innocent place of exploration and exploring their bodies, and if we can just sort of support them um with questions for them and inquiries for them to have of themselves, um, you know, and keeping the door open for them to ask questions and to share with you and to before you answer, kind of check in with yourself and go, okay, I need to answer this from a place that's not triggering my own stuff, my own overlay of my insecurities around sexuality, so that I'm not giving that to them.

David: 46:56

I mean, that's that's just the same. I mean, if like what you're saying is so true for what you're talking about, which is kind of the erotic part, but it's so true about all parenting, right? We're all trying not to pass along whatever issues we had and over and kind of poison the well of whatever naturally our kids want to do, whether it's like being in a certain sport or doing certain well and or going to college or being like you that that person you've kind of desired them to be. I feel like that's such a universal parenting issue that we're all fighting. Good and bad.

Gavin: 47:27

Do you have uh examples of thought-provoking questions you might pose to children? At an age-appropriate level. But what are the I mean, you specifically said we need to pose questions to foster their thoughts. Do you have suggestions of what those might be?

SPEAKER_03: 47:42

Well, like I, you know, I my sister and I were both like avid, avid masturbators. We'd be like in the living room rubbing it out on the carpet. And my mom would simply come and put her hand on her back and say, you know, it's okay to do that, but you need to go in your room. And so it's sort of like, wow, you know, this is okay, this is okay. And also it's not okay to do it here. Like you go, you go to a private space for that.

David: 48:06

She took she tried to take shame out of the kind of adjustments.

SPEAKER_03: 48:10

It was like there was no shame around it. It was just sort of like, you know, pick it up and put it somewhere else. That's right, you know, and so I think it's it's little things like that. Um, she also would give us books that were around sex, like, you know, books that really talked about how babies were made and and didn't just talk about the mechanics of it, but the pleasure of it and the the love that was in the space, which I think is absent a lot of times from from sex education, is we go directly to anatomy, we go to the fear, we go through um, you know, the diseases you can get, as well as like the mechanics of how it works, but there's not we're not speaking about the emotional, the the mental kind of the somatic um relationship that that people have with sex. And I think it's just as important to speak about that.

Gavin: 49:03

You know, in in my day job, I work in um arts and arts advocacy, and we talk a lot about pleasure, and it's hard to not feel some titillation when you talk about pleasure, when in reality, what we're talking about is wanting to be able to bring pleasure into people's lives through the arts, and that pleasure is just the feeling of listening to live music or the feeling, the pleasure when you paint something. But it's funny how we have in our puritanical society kind of made pleasure to be almost a bad word, huh?

SPEAKER_03: 49:33

It's um Yeah, I mean that is a word that you can't even write on social media anymore.

Gavin: 49:39

You have to it's another one of those.

SPEAKER_03: 49:41

Yeah, it's pleasure, sex, genitals, you know, all those words. Those are my favorite words. Oh yeah, everybody's favorite words. You can't write them without them being flagged, and so you have to kind of write sex with a a three or a a dot or something like that.

David: 49:58

Isn't there a like a isn't there like a a section of Disney called Pleasure Island? Or is that is that just an Orlando? Isn't that Peter Pan?

Gavin: 50:04

Yeah, yeah. It used to be it's from Peter Pan, the movie, and they had a Pleasure Island um section of Disney.

David: 50:09

Yeah, it was like where like bars and stuff were. Yeah, you just have to change that. Okay.

SPEAKER_03: 50:13

I think there's there's a there's another thing just around body commentary. You know, there's I growing up, my sister and I, we had uh a mother that kind of struggled with with weight, and also a stepmom that was like on the other end of the spectrum was just a weight uh uh weight training and exercise fanatic and diet and low fat when low fat everything was in trend. And um, you know, there was a lot of commentary specifically around my sister's body of you know, you know, you you sure you want that rice, that extra rice because you know you're getting a little chunky and like those kinds of things, and even you know, making commentary about your own body of, you know, I feel fat or I feel you know, da-da-da. These are like we're modeling for our kids how to to be. And you sort of have to like take a look at that.

David: 51:08

I I my my husband, I I am, I I grew up also in 90s diet culture and I a bad self-image and always being a little bit fat and always hating myself and self-conscious of my body and looking in the mirror and lifting up my shirt and constantly. And my husband is always on me about it, and especially now that my kids are a little older, they have caught me in the mirror lifting up my shirt and looking at my stomach. And my husband's like, see? Look, uh and now they're and that that is one thing I will not give to them. And so as soon as I kind of noticed that happening, I was like, I had to make myself uh a conscious effort to stop. But like it was very obvious they were watching me do that and kind of like, what is that? And dad was hating his body, and I'm like, your bodies are perfect, mine is just a shit show. It's like, no, no, no, no, no. Like, I need to fix this problem. Yeah, that's also a screw for sure.

Gavin: 51:52

Well, um, Court, it's so fascinating. I would imagine an awful lot of people who interact with you think they're coming for one conversation and they leave with something completely different. We think it's about, frankly, superficialities and pleasure and whatnot. And really, it's don't say that one. Oh, just like the human experience. It's so much deeper than that and goes back to our own childhoods and parenting for sure. But where um where can our listeners find you? What's the best um way to get into the body box?

SPEAKER_03: 52:19

Yeah, so I'm I'm kind of everywhere. Thebodyvox.com. Uh, you can just search my name on Google. Things will come up.

David: 52:26

Um things will come up. All kinds of things. Things will come up.

SPEAKER_03: 52:29

Insta, Instagram, uh, the body box or courtvox. Um, I do have um a couple, I have a retreat coming up in December of this year in Josh Batree for GBTQ men. Um, it's my entry-level retreat. It's called Connect. Um, it's usually a large event around 20 men, 20, 21 men. Um, it's a really beautiful experience. It happens over four days in the desert. Um, I also run retreats throughout the year, and I have two next year that are longer format um six days, six nights, one in Joshua Tree, one in Mexico.

Gavin: 53:02

Cool.

SPEAKER_03: 53:03

So check it out.

Gavin: 53:04

We will check out thebodyvox.com. Now, we are always curious. Um, you have had so many stories and what a life you've led. And I can't wait to uh read uh well, write the book and then um see it turned into a movie. But um, can you tell us about that time that you will never forget the experience with your son when?

SPEAKER_03: 53:26

I will never forget the experience with my son. I took him to uh the beach when he was about three, and we we were there on like a weekday, it was not a lot of people there, and he was crawling in the sand, and he was eating, he kept dropping his apples in the sand and then eating them. And I was like, Don't eat that, it's got sand on it. And drop it again and eat it. Remember, I told he's a very willful child, so it was almost like he was eating it like I'm gonna eat the side. To say sandy again. Yeah, yeah. And finally I was like, you know what? Eat the sandy apple. Yeah, eat the sandy, whatever.

David: 54:01

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03: 54:02

You don't want to listen, that's fine, eat sandy apples. So afterwards, we went to the self-realization center and walked around and had a little picnic and chased geese. And then we're on the way home, and he's like halfway home, we're on Sunset Boulevard, and he's like crying in the his car seat. And I'm like, what's coming? Like, it's okay. What's you know, shh, it's gonna be all right, we're almost home. And it and it became so much that I couldn't ignore it. So I pulled over and he had shit so so much in his diaper that it was like overflowing out of his onto his legs into the car seat, and I was like, holy shit, and it was sandy, sandy shit. And so I I had all kinds of napkins. This is a this is a true parent tip. Keep those napkins in your car always.

David: 54:56

A pack of lights in napkins everywhere in the corner of the world.

SPEAKER_03: 55:00

I think I used all the napkins in my car to clean that up, and we made it home, but it was like uh it was a shit show. It was a shit show, and then add a little sand to it.

Gavin: 55:12

Oh my god, a little sand, just a little bit of grit. Well, that I mean, grit is the where we're gonna leave it. But um, Court, I think that we would all be better off if we listened to more of your lessons and stories. And thank you for coming and demeaning yourself by being on our stupid little podcast. Thank you, Court.

SPEAKER_03: 55:30

Thanks so much.

David: 55:33

So, my something great this week, uh, we've kind of had with our top three listing with this, we have kind of had this vintage vibe going. Um, is Highlights Magazine. Oh, now Highlight my my son and daughter, both from uh from family for their for Christmas last year, they got a one-year subscription to both Highlights magazine and Ladybug magazine, which is like the younger version of it. The gift that keeps on giving. It's the gift that gives it it shows up every month. And I gotta say, it being just like this like lo-fi um, you know, analog thing that comes in our house makes it so much more unique, and they get excited every time it comes to them. It's like, oh my god, the highlights is here. Now, it doesn't take that long to like go through it, but like, you know, there's some drawing things, there's like a joke, the kids submit jokes, and so my son has made up a joke that he's desperate to get in the magazine.

Gavin: 56:22

So there's like highlights magazine. We would love to have you as guest on Gateway.

David: 56:25

Oh, that's a good idea. That's a good idea. So, anyway, my my uh something great if you are struggling with like a gift to get somebody, uh, get them Highlights magazine. It's it's it's pretty fun.

Gavin: 56:35

Very good call. Along the lines of media consumption, I every for the last few years, we've had a what I like to call our family summer movie festival. And we schedule out our we, you know, we basically end up watching TV almost every single well, that's not true. Every single night, three to four nights a week. And that's a great story, Gavin. It's always a bad it's always a battle of who's gonna choose, right? So we've just assigned Tuesdays to this kid, Wednesdays to this kid, Thursdays to this dad, Fridays to that dad. But I always choose Sundays and Mondays because they tend still, even in the summertime, to be our like least social times. So I know that I'm guaranteed the night to choose. And my kids are idiots and they choose Fridays and Saturdays, which we tend to, I don't know, can be very busy, right? So anyway, last night was my choice. And we watched horror jaws. Oh, such a great summer movie, 50th anniversary. And let me tell you about it. Even though my 13-year-old daughter was laughing at it, understandably, because there's some pretty cheesy cringe stuff in there, there were some great jump scares, and that something great is a good summer blockbuster jump scare. So I don't recommend this to you with children under the age of say eight, nine, probably ten. But scheduling out your summer movie festival is something that can make the summer great.

David: 57:58

And that is our show. If you have any comments, suggestions, or general compliments for drunk gaven, you can email us at gatriarchspodcast at gmail.com.

Gavin: 58:10

Or you can DM us on Instagram. We are at Gatriarchspodcast on the internet. David is at DavidF and Brawn everywhere, and Gavin is at Gavin Lodge, devoured in the underneath the Jaws Bridge in North's Vineyard.

David: 58:22

Please leave us a glowing five-star review wherever you get your podcasts.

Gavin: 58:26

Thanks, and we'll toast you next time on another episode of Gatriarchs.