The one with Matt Tolbert

This week, David is hairier than usual, Gavin neglects his pets, camp is in chaos, we rank the top 3 taco toppings, and this week we are joined by Matt Tolbert, who tells us how he got into the social media sphere, the journey of him expecting two kids by two surrogates at the same time, and we do a lightning round "Pre-Parent Quiz" which he fully passes.

Questions? Comments? Rants? Raves? Send them to GaytriarchsPodcast@gmail.com, or you can DM us anywhere @GaytriarchsPodcast

Transcript

David: 0:00

You know who is not a good bisexual? You could have made that so much better. I know. That was really bad. That was Oh, did I fail? Do I is this a cold open? I mean is it my cold open?

Gavin: 0:13

This is David, welcome. You're in very good company. And this is Gatriarch's.

David: 0:18

I hate it. Gavin, I've spent my entire life as a male and a homosexual. Oh. And I am experiencing something for the first time now, which is long hair in the house.

Gavin: 0:44

Oh. Wait, you never had like female roommates at some point? You've never lived with a woman? Well, my mom, but she always had short hair.

David: 0:53

So like I am just like we're talking like long ponytail style.

Gavin: 0:57

You never had a ponytail in your life? You never had a time in college where I didn't go through the ponytail phase in the state. You didn't? That was you. I thought. Hey, listen, I was the I was doing my ponytail best in the 90s, and it was, by the way, awesome. I'm sure.

David: 1:13

I did the fro thing when I did um when I was in college, I would tease, I had really curly hair and I would tease it out. It was like Justin Timberlake on steroids, and I like teased it out. God, I looked horrible. But anyway, I I I am now discovering hair in places. Like I'm not used to that. And the other day, I'm gonna get a little blue, everyone. I was wiping my butt.

Gavin: 1:38

I can't believe it.

David: 1:39

And I said that I felt something that just didn't feel right. And as I like pulled the toy up, I could feel the like hair pulling against. And I was like, You had swallowed brain? No, I think it had just gotten in my under. You know what I mean? It's just gotten in the house or whatever. And so I don't like it. I don't like having this weird long hair everywhere. It cut it's ever it's so gross. So it's a new experience for me as a dad.

Gavin: 2:06

That is it's pretty gross. I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little taken aback by that. Um, also that you've never really experienced it. I mean, I had girl roommates in college a couple of times and had girlfriends a couple of times, and so you get hair in your butt. Because it was like in my butt. Never mind. It was in my butt. It's a completely different experience. I mean, even in my time. I've talked about glitter in my kids' diapers multiple times, but I never found I never found glitter in my own diaper. So you will someday. I will. Wouldn't that be a great thing to brag about? Well, you know they sell glitter pills. What? Yeah.

David: 2:46

You can shit glitter? Yes. You can literally shit glitter.

Gavin: 2:49

This episode, this episode brought to you by the shit glitter company.

David: 2:54

But like, I wouldn't that be funny if we like slip that into like Nana's food and then just like let it like be like Nana thinks she's shitting gold.

Gavin: 3:00

Listen, in New England where I live, nobody would say anything. They would just keep shitting glitter and nobody just like wipe that under the rug. Nobody's gonna talk about it because it makes you stand out and you're weird. Yeah. Uh there is wait, wait, wait. I'm you floored me multiple times already, and we are only 15 minutes into this boring ass podcast. But there is shit glitter. Okay, anyway. Well, speaking of uh not any of that, well, kind of like pets and having to clean up after them. You have not entered the your children want every single pet under the planet, and you eventually capitulate and buy them a pet yet, right?

David: 3:33

Not yet, but just in the past couple of months, my children have been saying the word dog a lot lately. So I think it's coming. And now that we're Are you cool with that? Um, yes, we don't have a yard. We have two like little patio areas, so we can't have a dog yet. I'm a cat person, but who also loves I'd like a cat person with a dog rising. Like I love dogs too, but I'm a cat person. But like, no, we we have we that this is yet to start, but it's it's I can I can tell it's coming.

Gavin: 4:01

Yeah. Oh, life's better with the dog. Yeah. Um, and I suppose a cat. I mean, I have a dog and a cat. I didn't grow up with a cat, but I I'm a fan of our cat. She's a killer. Um, but anyway, so we definitely at COVID time capitulated to our kids saying, pets, pets, pets, pets, pets, pets, pets. And we got a few of them. So we have, especially in COVID, we have a zoo. I've talked about this many times. Thank you for not falling asleep at the zoom room with me, uh, because I've talked about this. But we have this constant battle, especially in the summertime, of the kids taking care of the pets, right? Because one, they tend to sleep in, and those animals need to be fed in the morning. But my daughter has a lizard, a um, it's a leopard gecko. And that thing has to eat those goddamn live crickets, and it drives me crazy. But guess what? We have all around our house right now: crickets and grasshoppers. Summertime crickets and grasshoppers. And so I'm like, hey, can you please go out and just like pick up some crickets? Listen, when I tell you the amount of screaming that went on yesterday from both sides about like, hey, what a fun summer activity! As you're standing here asking me 752 times an hour for more screen time on TikTok and whatnot, and I am bribing little, you know, uh tasks out of them by saying, well, go do this first and then I'll give you 15 minutes. One of them was keep your stupid lizard alive by going and harvesting some crickets. Listen, there were things being thrown and they were not crickets. And I am this stands as a warning. What is the point of this? This stands as a warning. We're all wondering that, Gavin. What is the what is this story? Don't get pets. Two, somebody please set up that library/slash borrowing um pet program that I've fantasized about. Somebody, please come get this lizard from us. And also, um, you really can fight crickets around your house. And that is what my daughter should be doing. But it is the battle du jour because even today we woke up and we're like, is the lizard dead? I hope so. So we don't have to have battles over feeding the lizard anymore.

David: 5:50

Um ASPCA is gonna be ringing your doorbell soon. Be like, are you? Would you wish a lizard death on your podcast that nobody listens to, Mr.

Gavin: 5:58

Mr. Lodge? Well, that's gonna be exacerbated also because my kids are going to some sleepaway camps coming up, and I am getting absolutely inundated. I mean, we think school is bad enough, and let's face it, school is bad enough. If sign this form, sign this form, sign this form, but camps, yo, so many forms. So many forms. And the like the physical forms, like, you know, the the the forms about their physicals that I'm like, wait, what who has this? Well, we do because we're all parents and we're it's 2025. But um, I'm it, you know, every day goes by and I think I'll get to that yet tomorrow. I'll get that tomorrow. Well, I had to call a camp today to say I'm really they they threatened to pull my kid from camp because I hadn't fully registered her. And I'm like, listen, I'm desperate. I gotta get my kid out of the house. You have to take them to camp. So that you know, that's bad enough. Um, and staying on top of the camp forms is just way too much. But I got my first school email already. And it is what at the time of the publishing of this day. July 16th, when we put this goes to post, right? Oh, yes. I got a school email already. Too soon. And it is it's too too soon, dude. Too soon.

David: 7:09

It's too soon. You know what's so funny about camp? So we we our camp is weekly, the one that we've been going to, and we're not going this week because we're going out of town on Wednesday, but I'm stupid. That means I have a child at home Monday and Tuesday. I don't think about that because I was like, oh, no big deal. We just won't pay for the week. Do you believe on Sunday night I was frantically emailing the camp and I said, can I can I just bring them Monday and Tuesday? And they were so chill because we spent literally our entire paycheck there, because that's also our gym, it's our daycare, whatever. And they were like, Yeah, just bring them whatever. So they were super chill about it. But I was like, you know, it's it's just like when you're grocery shopping, you're like, I'm gonna eat really healthy, and you get home and you're like, there's nothing to eat. I was like, I didn't really, I was just like, no, we're not gonna need to waste money on two days of camp. Let's just skip that week. Fuck that. Fuck that noise for sure. Yeah, fuck that noise. But wait, I actually have a really good dad hack of the week.

Gavin: 7:59

Oh, finally.

David: 8:00

And it and the reason it's good is because my husband thought of it. So he saw it on Instagram or TikTok or somewhere, and we tried it. And I can tell you from your favorite podcaster to you, this one actually works. So you know how kids I don't know if your kids are like this, but our kids are obsessed with like the fake temporary tattoos that you put on with like a little bit of water. You're going through that phase, right? We're in that phase, and so every day they look like they've served some time in the penitentiary. Nice. And well, getting them off is really fucking annoying. Yeah. Here's the hack packing tape, you just put right on top, lift it right up, boom, gone. I was trying scrubbing with water and doing all kinds of things.

Gavin: 8:41

These are no these are problems I've never imagined. Wait, why are you so desperate to get the tattoos off? Are the kids trying to scratch them or do you have formal events to go to where they can't look like inmates?

David: 8:51

No, no, it's just that they're tired of them or they're starting to fade or they just look shitty or whatever. But it is it is such a great hack. It's literally just packing tape, comes right off.

Gavin: 9:02

So packing tape for those uh tattoos. You know, a another dad hack we might as well piggypack this on is you know the um hack for getting glitter lips off of a drag queen, right? You do not know that. No. No, this is not a joke. So when I was in Priscilla Queen of the Desert, we had to do a lot of glitter lips, all right? When we were uh drag queens. And um, we would actually use mic tape, which you and our listener know about, but um and it or you can use packing tape and you just kiss the tape because that gets the glitter off. Otherwise, glitters you cannot wipe glitter off of your lips, right? Or off of your skin for that matter. So you use packing tape, or mic tape was actually stuck less, and then you wipe the uh the lipstick off. So there's a dad hack that's gonna be very helpful. I think we have drag queen per listener.

David: 9:48

We probably have drag queen. We had Corner Simmons on the show. Corner Simmons, exactly. Yes, yeah.

Gavin: 9:53

So uh we should we should revisit that parenting hacks from a drag queen. I don't think we addressed that directly with him. Um, so we do have a DILF of the week, and this was once again me googling at the very last second, and I found a list on Out magazine, and I was a little surprised by number three, which was Dennis O'Hare. You know who Dennis O'Hare is, right? Dennis O'Hare. He's a Broadway king, and he's a slightly older, mature uh silver fox, if you will. And he has played so many iconic roles on Broadway, but never really the lead. So he's not um he's not an everyday name. But I love that Out Magazine put him as number three uh Dilf. Um and so right on Dennis O'Hare and your beautiful son, and um I believe he doesn't even live in the United States anymore. I think he moved to Paris because he couldn't deal with all the bullshit. So anyway, Dennis O'Hare, hey Dilf of the Week, we'll give you a shout-out, Dennis. All the way wherever you're living these days. And speaking of wherever we're living these days, it's the gay news. There's basically nothing out there. Except I dug something out at here, America's finest news source. Um, you know that the US government has is trying to erase, well, us, right? And at the Stonewall Monument, they have actually taken out the words LGBTQ plus and queer and replaced everything with thank God they haven't erased this, gay and lesbian. So they've gone from expansive to just very, very narrow. And at least thank God, again, at the Stonewall Monument, they didn't take that out. But they also at one point tried to take the word bisexual out of any reference at the actual monument. But guess what? Those queens freaked out about it, and somehow, for some reason, the government stepped back and put um uh uh bisexual back in some of the references on the memorial. So, you know, the US government just slipped it back in like any good bisexual would.

David: 11:58

You know what else I wished we could erase from the world? Do tell. Our top three list.

Gavin: 12:03

Gatriarchs, top three list, three, two, one.

David: 12:08

All right, this is my really terrible idea for top three list, but I happened to be eating tacos that night, and I was thinking, listen, taco toppings are a hot button issue in our house. Some kids want all of them, some kids want none of them, some adults want some, and some people are allergic to this. So I thought, you know, what are your top three? What are the top three go-to taco toppings? Um, and as I curated my list, I realized um I'm watching Gaben actively curate his list right now.

Gavin: 12:32

No, no, no, no, mine is already, I already wrote it, but I am writing a note to myself.

David: 12:36

Okay. Um, so I realized as I as I was ordering them, they are all kind of in the same category. So clearly I have a theme. Number three, basic bitch, but sour cream. I need a sour cream on that taco. Number two, very sour cream adjacent, spicy mayo. Like the Chipotle kind of like spicy sauce. Wow, you double down on your creaminess. Just wait. Just wait till number one, Game. And number one, it's it's the quintessential taco topping, but I don't think you can eat tacos without it. Guacamole or avocado.

Gavin: 13:09

Okay. You just a bunch of cream on top of there. Okay. Yes. Uh, okay, okay. Well, for number three for me is an overlap. Sour cream. Love it. Number two, cilantro. Uh oh, you're what I'm saying. I feel like yes, I feel like just a little bit of cilantro gives such a kick. And I really uh I love that because it gives me super Mexican vibes, I feel like. So I love that. Number one for me is sliced avocado because I feel like guacamole is so very, very disappointing that I just want like, you know, slices of avocado on there. However, if we're talking about a different kind of taco, i.e. Trump always chickens out, my number one topping is impeachment.

David: 13:49

Yes. I want to top Trump with impeachment. I don't want to top Trump. Um, all right, what's next week? Give us a really good list.

Gavin: 13:58

Next week, since it is still summer vibes and I tend to kind of just go there with the season, and because you just asked me three seconds ago, I think that next week's top three list, I want to know about your road tripping albums. Not individual songs, but what you can put on in the tape deck or your eight track and just sit there without fast-folding rewinding and listen from beginning to end.

David: 14:22

Your tape deck, you old fuck.

Gavin: 14:26

Our next guest today on Gatriarchs is somebody whose life is lived out loud and very publicly. He has an absolutely thrilling Instagram feed and uh TikTok and all of the feeds because he actually knows what he's doing in marketing, which is not something that I can say for David or me. But we are excited to talk to somebody who is on a parenting journey of a different kind that we have never explored before because, spoiler alert, he has two babies in the oven, two babies in two ovens in another country. So we have so many things to ask of Matt Tolbert. Welcome to Gatriarchs. Hi, Matt. I'm so happy to be here. Thank you for having me. Yeah, it was very exciting to reach out to you. And actually, I believe this is the first time we've ever heard somebody say, I'm actually a listener. And I'm like, Well, hell, why haven't you messaged us to say, get me on the damn show? Because all of your other guests are, well, obviously fabulous, but it is still uncomfortable.

David: 15:26

I know I say it all the time, but it's still like when you said that, Matt, when we were talking before, and you're like, Oh, yeah, I heard that on the show. I was like, What show? What show are you listening to? Stop delete this immediately. Um anyway, no, but but I gotta say, Gavin, we do we have had one other guest. Remember the military guys who have two surrogates pregnant in Brazil at this exact same time. Now, they didn't end up all coming to to be humans, but still, that is insane. Are we are we jumping too far, Gavin? Or am I too far? I will I kind of want to know about this.

Gavin: 15:54

Thank you for absolutely taking the ball here. I want to start where we always start, which is since you don't have um children who have yet driven you bananas today, tell us how your husband is driving you bananas today.

SPEAKER_01: 16:07

So something Joshua's been nagging me about for probably years. He says I have way too many shoes. And so because he's been, he's really like, he's nesting, he's trying to find a place to put all the baby crap we have, and he's come to my closet and he's decided that that is the new place that he's gonna conquer and add all the baby stuff. And so I have this a very clean and organized closet. I have a shoe case with like a different container for each pair of shoes. Oh man. And he's decided that that has to go, and that there's a there's a rail right above that, and so he's like, you need to come to terms with getting rid of your shoe storage so that we can hang baby clothes and different things on that rail. And so he's planted that seed this morning rather than just like the normal nag. And so it seems like something I need to actually now seriously consider. Um, so that is how he's driving me bananas today.

David: 17:04

And and so begins the destruction of your entire self in order to have a baby be comfortable.

Gavin: 17:11

Absolutely. Yeah, your no your domestic um peace, yeah, is now gone for sure. Yeah, yeah. But what sacrifice is Joshua making in apparently he has his own closet, which by the way, we're both drooling about the fact that you have his in his closets, but do tell.

SPEAKER_01: 17:27

For now. Um, so I mean, he's been storing a lot of the baby stuff in his closet, to be fair, for quite some time. And um, I think one of us is gonna have to lose our whole closet anyway, and just we'll we'll combine, and then the kids will have their own closet. So that'll be the long-term plan. But he's sacrificing in that he's the one actually doing all this work while I'm sitting here and chatting with you all.

David: 17:52

So I think this works out very well for me. I gotta say, like, it's taking all of me not to be like, you're not gonna hang clothes in that closet. Like, you don't hang baby clothes. But I'm also like, but I I I promised myself when I was a new parent, I would hear all the people be like, oh, just you ate all the Gavin lodges in my life. Yeah, just you ate like shitting on every joyful thing in my life just because they knew it was coming. So I'm like trying to do that, but you will not be hanging up any clothes, they will all be stuffed into a drawer in a fit of rage.

Gavin: 18:22

Oh, even like open bookcases work for just stacking stuff and folding them so you can get them to them quickly, but hanging, oh girl. Baby girl.

SPEAKER_01: 18:30

Well, that's good advice, and honestly, you can say that because now I can keep my shoes and I can just that's really what this is about.

David: 18:36

This was a way for you to keep your shoes because you need an espadrill for summer, you need a high top for like an ironic flashback look. Like you you need these shoes to, yeah, totally.

Gavin: 18:46

Matt did dangle the possibility of having Joshua onto the show later, and I love getting both perspectives here. We're gonna have to revisit and see what he calls bullshit on. But anyway, so you have a fascinating story and you share an awful lot of it. Everybody should definitely go check you out on uh the gram. But will you recap for us where you are now and why you decided this process?

SPEAKER_01: 19:12

Okay, we currently have two pregnant surrogates in Mexico. They're both in Mexico City. One is 25 weeks along, the other is 16 weeks along. And we've announced the sacks of the older one, which is a boy. We have not yet announced the second one. So they are due in mid-October and mid-December. We will be flying to Mexico City and being there for birth for both births. So we'll be there for about four months for the exit process of each, and we can we can talk about how that works. But in terms of how we got here, so we initially were looking at surrogacy in the United States, and you know, we we were way far from having enough money to get started. So every like six months to a year. We would meet with different agencies just to kind of get the lay of the land. What's the current pricing? And we were noticing it was going up and up and up every year with inflation. And so even just to have one baby that was ranging between$200,000 and$300,000. Oh my God. And so we were we were like, how will we ever get there? But we did realize, okay, just to get to the first step of creating embryos, freezing them, and then we can keep saving money before we move on, that was going to be around$100,000 to get started. And so we got to that point in our saving about a year ago. And so right when we were like, all right, we could reach out to a US agency and start this process. Ever the bargain hunter, my husband was like, hold on, let's see, let's see the land of the land. What's new? What have we not tapped into? And he loves digging on Reddit and looking into everything. And so he was like, okay, Mexico actually seems to be a hot spot for surrogacy, and it's much more affordable. It's about a third of the cost as it is in the US. My husband also happens to be Mexican, so or Mexican American, obviously, or maybe not obviously, but he's Mexican American. And so it kind of felt like felt a little right, felt like going back home in a way. And so we met with three different agencies who operate in Mexico, and we chose the one we moved forward with about a year ago. Created our embryos in September. The embryo transfers happened after we got matched in February. My first one took, Joshua's first one did not take. And then Joshua was able to do an embryo transfer in April. And so that's where we are now. And just to say it out loud, our egg donor, we have the same egg donor for all the embryos, meaning both babies. One baby is I'm the genetic father of, and Joshua is the genetic father of the other baby.

David: 22:01

Yeah, I think that's what Gabin and I did the same thing. But I'm I'm curious, you skipped the part of like when you decided to just do twice. I mean, it's like is it a coupon? Oh, oh, it's a lot of people. Like it was like a two for one deal because I love a coupon.

Gavin: 22:13

I'm a coupon queen too. And and clearly Joshua is looking for a deal too, but I would imagine this is not two for the price of one, but two for the price of two.

SPEAKER_01: 22:20

So I we definitely asked that question. Uh no, we are paying, paying full price. And we actually found out recently that after you finish your first journey, they offer you a discount on the second one if you start it within the next six months. And it's like, well, we did that. You do qualify, Your Honor. Yeah. Yeah, come on. Um but we're not gonna push it because you know they have our baby's lives in their hands.

Gavin: 22:44

So there are battles to be chosen.

SPEAKER_01: 22:48

But also coupons.

David: 22:49

But like coupons. I mean, I coupon my way into my children to be affordable. I coupon other. I sometimes I coupon too hard. I couponed with an attorney who ended up in jail. Um I'm very glad that that um that all of that went well. Um, but you know, I when I was looking for your stuff, I I saw one of your videos that if you haven't um uh listener out there hasn't watched them, that you talked about something that I think everyone thinks of now, especially, which is oh my god, I'm having these children in Mexico. Things aren't great in the states.

Gavin: 23:21

And so are you gonna go live with the babies instead of having the babies come live with you?

David: 23:26

But also, yeah, exact also. But also just like, are they allowed to come back to the states? Is ICE gonna raid a grab two babies out of your hands? I know you've talked about it a little bit on your Instagram, but for those of you who had listened, tell us a little bit about that.

SPEAKER_01: 23:36

Yeah, so it's a common, I would say, misconception, but at the same time, you never know what the guy's gonna do. So anything could happen, and we had to be prepared. Um, and of course, we started this process before all of this happened, so it's what are we gonna do? We you can't reverse time now. Yeah, but in terms of how it works, so we it's called a oh, it's CRPA, which I'm gonna forget what it stands for, like consular certificate of birth or something like that. Record, I don't know. But it's the same process that military families go through when they have a child abroad. So if they're based in Korea, they have a child, that child is automatically a US citizen. All you need is one or one genetic parent to be a US citizen in order to get that citizenship. What's happening right now in the States, um, Trump is trying to get rid of that birthright citizenship, which means if you Please call him Voldemort.

David: 24:35

We don't like to say his name on this podcast. Just say Voldemort. Okay.

SPEAKER_01: 24:38

Voldemort himself. Um if you are two non-US citizen parents living in the United States and you have a child, that child has birthright citizenship and is entitled to U.S. citizenship, and that is for now. And that is what Trump is targeting, not our situation. Of course, he could change his mind at any time, anything could happen. Um, and you know what? Worst case scenario, we go and live in Mexico. Everyone thinks Mexico is a very important thing. Not a problem. Are you kidding me?

David: 25:09

Like, I let's raise our baby on the beach in a very wonderful place. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01: 25:14

We are also able to get, um, I believe there's a process where we would be able to get US or sorry, Mexican citizenship after the babies are born. And so everyone thinks that's so bad that that sounds that sounds amazing to us.

Gavin: 25:27

Yeah, absolutely. What are the other concerns though? Um, are there any technical concerns you have aside from immigration status with um having a kid born A overseas and B in Mexico?

SPEAKER_01: 25:41

Not not quite. I will say too, there is a process called the judicial amparo where just our names will be on the original birth certificate. So we don't even have to worry about the surrogate's name being on there and there being complications on the way back. So that is a special process that we are going through that not everyone you can decide whether or not you're going to go through that process. The only thing that we that I might be concerned about is just that we're living in another country for four months. So kids or not, that's a that's a big thing. I've never been on vacation for longer than two weeks. So just like even just like that mindset of of of having to change with the culture and the language and the currency and boiling your water or buying bottled water, there's a lot, a lot of nuances just in living in Mexico, and so that's the concern, as well as just like traveling with two newborns on the way back with all of our four months of life stuff.

David: 26:44

Um the good news, I feel like, is that of all times in your kids' life, and Gavin, you can attest to this, is like if you're gonna have to be locked, like if you're gonna have to be in a foreign country, the first four months, you're not seeing the light of day anyway. Like it's legitimately like a great time to do that. Because we had our baby, like our son was four months old when the pandemic hit. It was actually a great time to have to be indoors because it's like, what the fuck am I doing? I'm miserable inside all day anyway. And it actually worked out really well. And I feel like right at the four-month mark, maybe you'll start, you know, you'll come back home, you'll be like, oh, I start to feel like a human again. Your kid's gonna start sleeping through the night and all that kind of stuff. So it'll I think it'll be I think it's actually a nice, it'll be a nice thing.

Gavin: 27:25

They are just house plants. You're just carrying around house plants for a while, really. Very expensive house plants, bougie.

David: 27:33

And if you don't water them, you get in big trouble. But not water them too much.

SPEAKER_01: 27:38

Not actual water, though.

David: 27:39

No, oh my god, not actual water. Water is bad for them somehow, and then one day it's like, yeah, they need to drink a ton of water.

SPEAKER_01: 27:45

I I don't I that was a new revelation to me. And I don't understand.

David: 27:48

I learned it's because like there's enough water in the um you know, formula or breast milk or whatever, and if you get too much water, then it like dilutes the all the stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's it's so much.

Gavin: 27:58

But while in Mexico, don't don't add beer to it instead, like the trashy t-shirts would say. Um, so what are you most excited about right now, today, about being a parent?

SPEAKER_01: 28:08

I mean, I am similar to what you mentioned, just sort of that being a homebody and nesting and having them nap on your chest and like those maybe not at the 3 a.m. per se, but just like chilling in the glider and just like this is my kid, you know?

David: 28:24

Yeah. That's so true. That's uh that's a that's a really great thing. Um, so you're gonna be a parent. We're gonna talk a lot more about it, but I want to get to know you. Tell our listener, who are you? But prior to to being a social media star and and being a pre-parent or or uh a parent to be, um, who are you? Who the fuck are you? Why are you on the show?

SPEAKER_01: 28:43

All right. I grew up in Texas, uh, majored in theater, moved to I know it's a curse. And then uh moved met my husband actually at Baylor University in Waco, Texas. So we were both theater majors together.

Gavin: 28:57

Baylor's in the news right now. Did you know that? That they've put some anti-LGBTQ plus bullshit re just recently. Is that your fault, Matt? Did you do that? I don't know. Wait, what do you mean? Well, uh, as I was doing a little bit of research into gays in the news for uh or gay news for the pod, and usually we have no good news, but I did come across something about Baylor, which is not good news, which is that they rescinded, or rather, they refused a big ass grant from it seems to be a progressive religious foundation that was actually funding some research into um queer and the role, I believe, of queer and women. Queer people and women in the church, something like that. And basically Baylor was like, never mind, we don't want to do the money and we don't want to do the study.

David: 29:45

Like, you can't hear this, but I'm rolling my eyes so hard that I'm straining my ocular nerves.

SPEAKER_01: 29:51

But you went to, all right, so we had a great time with Baylor.

unknown: 29:54

Yes.

SPEAKER_01: 29:55

We moved to New York after Joshua graduated. He's a year younger than me, and we were pursuing the acting life. And then after a you know, a few years of managing a Bake by Melissa cupcake store, I decided Yes, Melissa. I decided that I did not want to be just doing theater for six weeks out of the year whenever I booked a gig. I wanted to like actually do it all the time, and so that's when I made the shift into producing and general management. And so I started working with Fran Weisler as her assistant on Chicago and Waitress, I know, Wilde, and she's still kicking, it's crazy.

David: 30:32

She is still kicking. Um that was like she kicking or is she gently like tonduing? Like it's less of a kick, maybe.

SPEAKER_01: 30:40

It was 10 years ago, but I only lasted about four months because it was very double wear's Prada, and I was like, I just need to be happier. And that's when I was like, I'll take anything, and that included moving to Connecticut to work at Good Speed for$35,000 a year because I just wanted to be happy and live the happy theater life. Um, so I did that for a year, and I was driving. We actually lived in Stanford, so I was driving two hours at Good Speed every day, and then two hours back, and then Joshua was commuting from Stanford to Brooklyn, which was about the same length of time. And after about a year of that and the finances, we were like, this isn't working, so we moved back. I got a job at RCI Theatricals uh in general management, so working on Anastasia and Hades Town, the inheritance, Oklahoma Revival, things like that. Um was really liking it. But I became a fan of Gary Vaynerchuk, who is a business owner, he runs Vayner Media, he's like a social media guru and thought leader. And I just wanted to work for him. I love the way how we talked about how he ran his company, how he treated his employees. And as you both know, working in the theater scene, like there's a lot of egos. There's just like you feel like, you know, if you're in one department, you can't give feedback about another department. And then like you everyone's really kind of in it for themselves, not always in it for the benefit of the show. And so I wanted a place where we were all working together for this with the same goal. And I love the way how he I just fell in love with social media. So I started creating content on my own, got in at Vayner Media through the project management department because of my producing background, but eventually weasel my way into the creative department where I am now creating content, leading creative teams for the biggest brands in the world and all of their social media accounts. So that is have you found your place?

Gavin: 32:40

This is what you were meant to do, do you think? For now?

SPEAKER_01: 32:42

For now. Like I I see the people ahead of me and they're doing big Super Bowl campaigns and things like that. And that's not I like the dirt, the nitty-gritty of like really engaging with the consumer on a day-to-day basis in social media. And so I don't know where I'll go from here. I don't know that it's that direction all the way up, but maybe it'll lead to something else. I just like doing social media, so we'll see.

Gavin: 33:08

I mean, you I have rarely seen somebody as consistent as you are. You are indefatigable. Are you exhausted? What is that word you just said, Gaben?

SPEAKER_01: 33:19

I know what did you call me?

Gavin: 33:20

Yeah, I heard faggot.

David: 33:22

Oh, damn. What did you call him? What was that word?

Gavin: 33:27

I literally had written in the outline and dramatic effect, which was exhausted. I asked, I asked in.

David: 33:37

Exhausted. What is wrong? Did you just read that in like the New York Times? You're like, I'm gonna answer. That's the word I oh my god. Wait, before you answer Gavin's weird question.

Gavin: 33:47

That means you're tireless. Oh my god.

David: 33:51

Okay, so we had a huge um technical malfunction. Obviously, we all know who's the source of the technical malfunctions. That's Gavin Lodge, but he is back with us. Matt didn't leave. He really wanted to. I begged him to stay. Gavin, continue with talk calling our um guest fat or a faggot.

Gavin: 34:11

Matt, you're indefatigable on social media. Are you exhausted by it? This is all this is what you do for work and for pleasure, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01: 34:20

Yeah, I just I mean, this sounds so cheesy and dumb, but I actually I do love it. So whether I'm like if at work, if I'm having to work nights and weekends, I may have a slower week on my personal social media and just post like my weekly update video. But if if work is normal levels or maybe a little slow, I pick it up a little bit. So I'm kind of like working at the same speed all the time, uh, either for personal or for work. But I'm actually when the babies get here, I don't want to be just sitting on a laptop and and editing videos while they're, you know, I want to be spending time with them. So I'm I'm thinking about getting some like an intern or growing my team in some way so that um I can keep things going without having to be so uh focused on it.

Gavin: 35:04

Yeah, building an empire. Yeah, build that empire and hire other people to do it. That seems like a very good idea. But can I ask, what is your goal in the process?

SPEAKER_01: 35:16

That's been a little tough in that, like, it's not like I'm working towards something specific because I'm really just kind of like playing it's organic and kind of playing it as it goes. And right now I feel like an obligation to at least see through the birth so that I've documented that journey. And I've I've kind of joked with both my audience and with Joshua that, like, hey, I may decide after they're born I can delete the whole thing because I want to spend time with them. Like, that's not the point to be some kind of like big family account or whatever. It may become that, and that's fine, but I'm just gonna play it by ear and see what feels right at any given moment. No really end goal in mind, but if it's gonna continue to work and I love the community we've built, uh, I'll continue building on that momentum, whatever people want to see, or um not whatever they want to see. I think we've made the decision we're not gonna show faces of the children and and keep some of that private, but um, we'll see where it goes.

David: 36:13

But also, you don't have to, I mean, like I I saw the video you were talking about where you're like, this is what everyone's asking, like, what's gonna be afterwards? Are you gonna see the babies or are we not gonna see the baby in private or whatever? Honestly, like this is gonna sound like uh like I'm a hypocrite, but but I am at the at my heart, at my heart of hearts, I'm a hypocrite. But like you are a public person who has built an entire brand on being personal and showing them but also you don't have to fucking do anything you don't want to do. Like you're the boss, you get to do anything you want to do. Just because you've set up that they are in this world doesn't mean they get everything. Do you know what I mean? Like, I sure I send all of my listener, my only fans link, but that's because I'm a giver.

Gavin: 36:53

And we love your generosity.

David: 36:54

Thank you.

Gavin: 36:55

If it if it turns into a shitload of free stuff, too. Uh I mean, hey, um, why not? I mean, are you getting a shitload of free stuff?

SPEAKER_01: 37:04

Uh a good amount from from brands, but actually the community's been so like our registry is almost completely bought out, and we haven't our baby showers in three weeks. Like, our our guests don't really have much to choose from. So we're doing like a diaper raffle and something, and uh bringing books instead of cards, so that they have some things to bring. Everything on our registry that's left is like a hundred dollars or more at this point because everyone bought up the kind of like the cheaper items. So we've really gotten so much like an outpouring of stuff from the community, which has been amazing, and some things from brands as well. Like we're getting uh a glider from a brand, which is a pretty high-ticket item. We're getting a couple strollers coming soon. Uh, our baby moon in September is gonna be paid for, so that's awesome. Wow, damn. Well done. Really I'm trying to I'm trying to do an outreach. Like anytime I'm like, oh, I'm ready to buy this, let me reach out to them and see if they'll just give it to me.

David: 38:04

Well done. You're like, I really I really love living in Paris.

SPEAKER_02: 38:10

Like, oh yeah.

Gavin: 38:10

Hint hint. You know, one item that we received that was a bit of a delightful surprise, frankly, because you don't need more stuff, honestly, and nobody does, is um like one of those old school treasury bonds or something where families or somebody can buy you like a$35 or$50 bond and you put it away for safekeeping and take it out at 18 years later, and hopefully it'll be three million dollars. It's a thought.

David: 38:34

Can I say that my husband and I just turned one of those in? He got one on his I want to say it was like his 18th birthday. He's 42. It was a$50 um bond. It was worth, I think,$300. Okay. So that's progress.

Gavin: 38:53

Yeah.

David: 38:54

I would actually recommend, like, for the people who are run out of stuff, is like give them Grubhub gift cards or something like that. Because like you're gonna want somebody to bring you food probably for the next three months, which will be although do they have Grubhub where you're gonna be in Mexico? Or something like that. Something along those lines, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Gavin: 39:12

So, Matt, you have lots of fabulous vacation pictures and lots of abs. What is the secret to successful social media in 2025 and you know, asking for a friend?

SPEAKER_01: 39:26

Well, I they're not related, I don't think. I uh I haven't posted any shirtless photos in quite some time. But I would say it's really just authenticity and building and growing from what you're what's working and what the community is telling you. So much of my content is like, okay, I made this because everyone in the comments said this, and then after that video, a bunch of comments said this. So then I made that. So it really is kind of building on that momentum. If you don't have that momentum, it's really about going out and thinking like, who are the creators I admire? Who do I want to be like? What are they creating? And when you're first starting, or if you're just like trying to grow from nothing, really it doesn't hurt to just start emulating what you're seeing in other places. And then hopefully something there will spark. Like you don't have to reinvent the wheel. If you see a trend, or if you see someone doing XYZ, like try everything, and that'll also build all your muscles to like, okay, I can do an ASMR video, I can do a stop motion video, I can do a talking to camera video, I can do a skit, I can do a green screen. There's so many things I can do now and have built all those skills. And so as you start to see things that are going viral, like really try to like see if you can make that thing and then post that thing. That's the best way to start. But then once you've started, then follow that snowball from what you're hearing in the comments and just build from there.

David: 40:52

That's excellent. Um, we will do none of that. We will continue to do our 20%, and that will be it. Um, we are running out of time, but we do not allow anybody who's not a parent um on our podcast without doing a lightning round of questions for expecting parents. And so we want to get your take on these questions. Are you ready? I'm ready. Let's go. What will be easy? What will be easy? Bathing. What are you most dreading?

SPEAKER_01: 41:24

All the shit.

David: 41:25

Well, what do you think won't be a big deal?

SPEAKER_01: 41:28

I don't think it'll be a big deal to live in a one-bedroom apartment with four people.

David: 41:33

What are you most looking forward to starting as a tradition for your family?

SPEAKER_01: 41:38

Christmas, all the things. Like all the things, Christmas, especially Christmas in New York City.

David: 41:43

What will your husband do better than you as a parent?

SPEAKER_01: 41:48

My husband will be better at disciplining.

David: 41:51

What will you be better at as a parent?

SPEAKER_01: 41:53

I'll be better at going out to get ice cream and donuts.

David: 41:58

What will change about you as a parent?

SPEAKER_01: 42:03

I think I will learn to treat other people differently after I've children.

David: 42:10

And the final question: when holding one child, and then the other child screams and demands to also be held, but the one you are currently holding holds tighter as an act of aggression towards the unheld child and doesn't want the other child to be held. What do you do?

SPEAKER_01: 42:28

Can I hold both?

David: 42:30

That would be my first but they're mad at each other and they don't want you to hold the other one. They will fight in your arms.

SPEAKER_01: 42:35

Then they're they'll uh get tired eventually.

David: 42:37

I'll just make them I'll just make them sort that out. I I have to admit this. That was for me because that was literally happening this morning, where they were both using their love for me as a tool against the other one. And every time I held one, the other one got mad at me for holding that one. Oh god, it was a shit show. Um, in that case, no one gets me. No one gets you. You guys have to you guys are going to the orphanage.

Gavin: 43:01

How about that? Keep in your back. Um, you put them both down and you go get your ice cream and your donuts, and you just have a little moment for yourself. That's what you do. Matt, there it is. Thank you so much for demeaning yourself and coming to our technical technologically challenged and stupid podcast.

SPEAKER_01: 43:20

My pleasure. Thanks for having me.

Gavin: 43:23

So, my something great this week is once again my Summer of Time Film Festival with my kids. I love being able to um frankly just watch a screen, even though all I do all day long is tell them to get off screens. And last night, have you rewatched Forest Gump in a long time?

David: 43:39

I have not watched it in a really long time, although a mutual friend of ours was in Forest Gump and is one of the little boys. We'll talk about that later. Oh. Grady Bowman. Do you not know Grady Bowman? Yeah. He was the boy who's like, what are you stupid or something? Yeah, he makes like a million dollars on that. Yeah, that's him. This shot in his hometown of South Carolina. Yeah. Shout out to Grady Bowman, who does not listen to this podcast. Yeah.

Gavin: 44:01

Yeah. Well, okay, so I know that your kids are much younger and you're not watching things like uh Forest Gump yet, but we watched it last night. And one, my kids absolutely loved it. It's very story-based. You know, when you watch it with through the lens of this is not a superhero movie, and yet at the same time, it is a superhero movie. It was so tender. It was they both loved it. They were riveted. We were up really, really, really late. Um, but both kids loved it. But dude, I cried so many times watching it. And I don't know if it was the wine or just the nostalgia for my lost youth or just all the things, but it is just uh I don't know. If I had watched it for the I I sat there thinking, if I were watching this for the first time in a movie theater, would I be this touched by it? Or is does it just hearken back to my childhood, and let's face it, not my childhood, my collegehood when it came out. So anyway, Forrest Scump, it's it stacks up.

David: 44:53

It is still still, I mean, it's one of the greatest movies of all time. Like when he's talking to Jenny's grave under the tree, is that all right? That had to have been one of the times you were crying. Absolutely.

Gavin: 45:02

But even him running, I mean, when she says run for us, run for the very first time, and you for the last what 30 years. Oh my god, is it that long? 20 years? They just have been saying run for us run, and you do it as a joke, and then you see the source of it. I mean, that's the beauty of movie making, you know?

David: 45:19

So anyway, so good, so good. Well, it was a great something great, Gavin. Good job. Proud of you.

Gavin: 45:24

Oh, stop. Is that your something great then?

David: 45:26

It's just no, my something great is equally as amazing. And I love uh highlighting people that I'm obsessed with on TikTok and social media because I am a fan of and that in general. So um, my something great this week is somebody that came up in my FYP who I immediately followed, and I would be love to get on the show. But his name is Keyshawn, and he his account is at Weekly Home Check, and he is like a home, he's like a home maintenance guy. And so he basically every every uh video is like, hey, this is Keyshawn with Weekie Home Check. Today we're gonna talk about draining your water heater. It's not scary. Here's how to do it. And he's got this like really friendly, calm, like, you're you don't have to be an expert. You know, he talks about like replacing the the lining on this and whatever, but like things to keep your home home running. And so um, I just like I don't know, I'm obsessed with it. So every time a video comes out, I'm like, ooh, what do we get to do, Keyshawn? I can't wait to like replace my water heater or whatever. Have you um have you replaced your water heater yet? Thanks to him. I have not. I have not, but I didn't.

Gavin: 46:29

Have you done anything canceled?

David: 46:32

I have. Shut up, Gavin. I have. I replaced the culk in my um shower tile. He told me how to like scrape it and redo it.

Gavin: 46:38

Um of course you went straight for that. No.

David: 46:43

Anyway, so my son the great, Keyshawn at the weekly home check. And that is our show. If you have any comments, suggestions, or general compliments, you can email us at Gatriarchspodcast at gmail.com.

Gavin: 46:55

Or you can DM us on Instagram. We are at Gatriarchspodcast on the internet. David is at DavidFm Bawn everywhere, and Gavin is at GavinLodge in the cock section.

David: 47:04

Please leave us a glowing five star review wherever you get your podcasts.

Gavin: 47:08

Thanks, and we'll run for us run you next time on another episode of Gatriarchs.