Relax, it's just us

This week, David is moving on up, we get a sweet listener email, Gavin complains about stuff, summer camp is hard, we rank our top 3 mornings, and we close out the show the way we always do, Gavin doing a terrible impression.

Questions? Comments? Rants? Raves? Send them to GaytriarchsPodcast@gmail.com, or you can DM us anywhere @GaytriarchsPodcast

Transcript

Gavin: 0:00

This is the Aperol Spritz of Gate Gatriarch's episodes. Not full-fledged, you know, high alcohol content, just a little bit of sprinkle.

David: 0:08

This is the fucking your brother episode, right? From White Lotus? Oh. Did you watch White Lotus season three?

Gavin: 0:16

Yes, but what do you mean?

David: 0:18

Don't the brothers fuck each other?

Gavin: 0:20

Theoretically, but uh what?

David: 0:23

Because White Lotus is like a summer like vacation. That's no, okay.

Gavin: 0:29

All right. That was a stretch. And this is Gadriarch's. Life fucking saving needs they they are they are integral to our survival. And frankly, at some point, especially in April, when you're frantically trying to schedule it, you don't care about price.

David: 1:06

And then that credit card bill comes in and then yeah, things change. But you know, for those of you who haven't had to do it yet, a lot of summer camps are competitive. Like you have to sign up so early. And like us, we're just like, I don't know, we'll wait till the last second. So we signed up for this one summer camp that was basically the whole summer. It's week to week, and you can choose whichever weeks. Yeah, right, right, right. And we were just like, you know, that's a long time to be in the same camp. Why don't we diversify a little bit and we'll do like one week of camp at this place just to break it up. Well, I'm here from the future to tell you that if you're gonna do that, make sure you read the fine print. Because the camp he's at now is at the same building my daughter's at for daycare, and the drop-off times are the same, and the pickup times are the same, which is a good thing. Which all sounds very convenient. Very convenient. Well, what I had totally forgotten about is that the camp hours of this place are like school hours, it's like nine to three. Two or not seven to six, which is the other one. So on day one of camp, I'm in my husband's office and we're talking about contractors and all this bullshit. Oh phone rings. Do tell us why. The phone rings, and my husband sees me the phone. It's my hus my my son's camp, and he's and what is our first thought? Our first thought is he's sick. God damn it. He's coughing and he's gonna be sent home, and he's not gonna be able to come back.

Gavin: 2:36

He said his tummy hurts, and one of those counselors believed him, and they're like, Okay, do you need to go home?

David: 2:43

And so he answers the phone and he his eyes widen and he looks at me and he goes, Oh, we forgot to pick up Emmett. It's 4 15. You're 75 minutes late. We had totally forgotten that this camp ends at three. And my husband goes, Oh no, I think he's stuck in traffic. I'll call him right now. And I poug out the door, and I feel like a horrible dad because I get there and there are classes now happening. The place is packed, and he is coloring next to the front desk receptionist. Like he's in trouble. Like he's in trouble. He's been sent to the principal's office. And I feel like a total piece of shit. But so I'm here to tell you that if you are gonna be really clever and diversify your camp's kid, uh your kids' camp experience, A, check the hours, and B, just go with a camp that has full hours.

Gavin: 3:36

You know, there are several camps around us that are half day camps. What level of bullshit who has a half job? Do you have a half-day job? Exactly. And uh just showing up half day, and which basically means you might as well just sit in the car for three hours because that's what it comes down to. And we actually signed up for one of those, not knowing it was a half day. We realized it a few days later, so we weren't three hours late to pick up our kid. But it um you might as well just like go get an expensive coffee, light$500 on fire, and sit there and watch and think, why did I do this? And just be insanely bitter in your air-conditioned car, which is what I ended up doing for that camp. I mean, admittedly, it was a sailing camp, and so the level of pretension of a sailing camp, and you you don't deserve to complain if it's saline camp anyway. 100%. But let me tell you, let me tell you the ways I'm a worse parent than you are. Are you ready?

David: 4:28

These are my favorite stories. Go ahead.

Gavin: 4:30

A couple of years ago, um, I forced my children to go to a sleepaway camp in New Hampshire. There wasn't anything special about it except that I grew up, okay, grew up in Colorado. You don't go to camp in Colorado. Uh, you just play outside, right? And especially I was in the 80s and my mom didn't work, and so you know, there's there's a level of privilege there that you just get to hang outside, whatnot. So anyway, but I had always heard friends from college bragging about this camp that they went to in New Hampshire. So I wanted to realize that dream for my kids and say, oh, there's this magical place called basically a YMCA camp up in New Hampshire. So my kids went arguably kicking and screaming, but they went the same week and they were on opposite sides of the camp with the girls and the boys. And we, there was a lot of logistics involved, different drop-off times, different pickup times, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We didn't read carefully enough. And we showed up seven hours late to pick up my son. And my son is the one who just won't make us stink about things.

David: 5:27

He's kind of like, he's not got that quiet, apologetic that makes you feel all the worse. Yeah, yeah.

Gavin: 5:35

And when we um we had already picked up my daughter, and then we swung around because I thought that was the order we were supposed to do it in, and we were already like cutting in kind of late because big surprise, because me. And um, there was my son all alone, sitting at a picnic table with some older kids of the um the counselors, and they all kind of looked at us like, hmm, where have you been? And I checked my phone, and we had had four calls from the camp, but it we were driving in rural New Hampshire, so we didn't even realize it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We had stopped for lunch. I might have had a beer and a half before we got there as we were celebrating. And he comes walking across this field, which then turned and he was smiling, but in a kind of like weird, disappointed way. And his smile morphed into crying, and his walk turned into running. And admittedly, when he leapt into my arms, mine, luckily, I was like, Oh, he's just so happy to see me. And I realized we had left him on the side of the road, admittedly, a bougie dirt road summer camp in New Hampshire, for an extra few hours. And I was a terrible parent that day.

David: 6:43

I gotta say, Gavin, you are, and that feels really good. That actually made me feel much better about my 75 minutes at gymnastics camp. Um, but yeah, for those of you parents out there who are dealing with camp, Godspeed, God bless, and let's all do better next year, which we won't. Um, one of the better things about this episode, other than um there's no guests, it's just us, is we got a listener email that just lit up my heart. We get emails from you guys and DMs, and we love anytime you reach out to us for anything, even if it's like we love it. David sucks. We like, we love everything. We're okay. We're okay. Okay, we got a really great one that just wore my heart. So I'm just gonna read it out to you. He said, Hey, gents, well, the beautiful baby came in April. Oh, wait, let me give you some pretext. Uh listener Ben. We never check our DMs and this came in April. No, no, no. Listener Ben uh sent us a very sweet uh message saying he loved the show and he's work, you know, they're they're planning on having a baby and blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, and and we we responded, we did, and we said, please give us an update. So this is the response. Hey, gents, well, the beautiful baby came in April. Shout out to our incredible surrogate in Minnesota. And now we're transitioning back to full-time work in the Bay Area. Your sweet, irreverent, inspiring, thoughtful podcast has been a companion on my back-to-work days, and it's been such a treat to feel that little bit less alone in the newness of parenting. Parenting so far has been the greatest joy of my life with Big Banks, Ben. So, listener, our listener Ben has written out a very sweet email to us, and we very much appreciate it.

Gavin: 8:17

So, thank you for going that extra mile and sharing it with us. We can't wait to hear. Please write back when parenting so far has been the greatest trauma of your life as well.

David: 8:27

We'll see you in three months, babe. Um, but very sweet. I we love getting your uh messages and emails. Please keep doing it, guys. Keep sending us your top three list ideas, your something great ideas, your guest ideas, anything you want to do. Um, we love hearing from you. Um, as Gavin would say, we're building a community. Um, and I would say something about a dick.

Gavin: 8:47

We we are trying to build that community, and we do a terrible job of maintaining it. So, but maybe it's be maybe it's listener fault. Listener needs to reach out to us some more and let us know that we're loved, and then we'll make more dick jokes. It's your fault. It's your fault.

David: 9:00

If you're listening to the sound of my voice, it's your fault. Your fault. Um uh and I hope that gets us more listeners. Um, so something else that is my fault is we are moving.

Gavin: 9:13

So you you made your bed, you moved away from that bed, but now you still have to lie in that bed.

David: 9:19

So now I've got a rented bed and I've got to buy a new bed, and I've got all kinds of beds. So we are moving. And the reason I bring it up is uh not for you guys to follow me, but please do come to my house anytime you want. Um, but I was just thinking, like, I when we were we've been looking for a new house for a while, and we've made many offers and they've fallen through or they've been taken away from us. It's been a hell of two years, but we finally got a house, we're really excited. But in my head, I was like, oh, great, we get to live in a new house. I didn't even consider fucking changing schools, you daycare.

Gavin: 9:49

People don't realize you are a serial gambler, a mediocre podcaster, but you are a director, a writer, a failed actor, and you are in real estate. So for you to come on here, hey, listener, David actually has his real estate license. And but for you to come on and say, I totally forgot that I was supposed to consider, David, this is literally, this is your job.

David: 10:17

It's you know, the shoemaker's children that go barefoot, Gavin. That's all I can tell you. But so the reason to bring it up is because it's been really interesting as a parent. So what of the so my daughter is in pre-K right now, she's in pre-K three, she's three. Um, and we love our daycare. It's where our it has a pre-K program as well. So our kids have gone through literally infancy in every classroom, all the way up to pre-K. And now we gotta find a new one because my son is gonna go to regular school, but my daughter needs to be in a pre-K. So literally yesterday, we went to our new town and we had four interviews with four new preschools. Oh my gosh. And it was just like, oh yeah, this is what you have to do when you're looking for a preschool for your kid. And I was like, I guarantee you, some of our listeners have done this recently or are about to do this. So I wanted to talk a little bit about it because it fucking sucks and is stupid. So let's talk about the obvious thing. Cost. I forget how fucking expensive preschool is. Yeah. You're talking about like, here's your colors, here's your shapes, give us$2,000.

Gavin: 11:25

Right. And counter 1, 2, 3, and ABC. But I mean, your daycare was not that terribly expensive, or it's you're moving into a bougier neighborhood now, or what?

David: 11:34

Well, again, we we only had a couple options here, and almost every daycare was almost the exact same. So for transparency, our daycare in pre-K is about$1,500 a month for full-time 7 a.m. to 6 p.m. You that's pretty good. Whatever.

Gavin: 11:48

That's pretty good cover.

David: 11:49

That's a good you're getting a lot for your fifth bang for your buck there. We really are. We're really lucky. It's attached to this huge YMCA and they get to go swimming every week and they have a big, like it's like it's a lot of fun. Well, now that I've interviewed with these four other ones, I'm seeing the range of shit out there. We saw some like low-rent, like cinder block basement, like the daycare teachers smoking in the other side of the room places. And then we saw that is a real edge, that's a real education right there, though. It was a huge education because what I realized, I think, is that I trust, and maybe I shouldn't, but I trust that the content of these daycares, what they teach, how they teach, is probably similar. They probably all do circle time and outdoor time and snack time, and they probably will all work on their colors and the reverse. So I I assume, good or bad, that they're all doing the same thing. But what I learned was obviously besides the money, what was really important to me was like, does it feel good to be in this space? Like, does it because the one of the first place we went to, the guy was nice, the tour was nice, the teachers were nice, the kids seemed happy, but it was literally a cender block basement with like windows that were covered, and it just didn't feel very happy. Yeah. And I plus the cigarettes in the corner. I mean cigarettes in the corner, right? But like, and they're like, is that a fox over there? Like a real fox? They're like, Yeah, he gets in here sometimes. But I I could I just kept thinking, like, I don't want my kid in this building. Like, and I and I was like, is that bougie of me? But there was something about like, it feels good to be in this space. And of course, that was the cheapest place.

Gavin: 13:27

Yeah, well, you gotta listen to those gut feelings though, too. And once you write the check, once you find a way to write that check, you go, you know, sell your soul more in whatever ways you need to, you don't regret it. You gotta follow that gut. No, it's 100%. Keep going.

David: 13:40

Yeah, no, you're right, you're right. And that was the cheapest one. So, again, for transparency, because I think it's I live in northern New Jersey, just outside of New York City. It was about$900 a week. Again, full-time daycare. Um, and then we went to the second place, and the second place was much better in like the facility, although still kind of like like abandoned school that they painted cute walls to make it look like a like it was didn't have a playground, but it yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. Um, but like every again, all the teachers are super nice or whatever. I'm gonna skip the cost of that one because it comes to play later. Then we went to the third one, which was like high-end YMCA, um, was it which was about$1,600 to$1,700 a month, but it was in an office park. And so it felt like gray cubicle vibes.

Gavin: 14:27

It was giving you corporate vibes. It gave you like came from accounting.

David: 14:32

And I was like, I don't, it didn't feel bad. It just felt like this has a daycare. Um, and then the last one was like housed inside of an existing school. Uh-oh, really good, like playground, libraries, like all really good. And that one was again about sixteen hundred dollars a month. So the going back to the second one, oh, and also there was one we didn't take a tour of because they emailed and said, Okay, well, this school is$2,300 a month for preschool. Yeah. And I said, That's no surprise. Yep. That's no surprise. The second one, she said, well, she's talking and you know, she's doing the tour, and she was like, Well, we just had two spots open up and our free pre-K program. I said, excuse me. What was that? And she's like, Well, and why did you not offer this sooner? Okay. There's something here in New Jersey, and maybe this is in most states, but it's called Universal Pre-K and State.

Gavin: 15:26

It's becoming, it's become more of a mandate across the country, but it's not everywhere. I mean, it's not everywhere. Yeah, listener in I but South Dakota might not have this, who knows?

David: 15:36

But even in New Jersey, certain towns have it in certain towns. So our town that we live in now just got it this year, but only for like 30 kids. So, like, there was a lottery, and if you didn't get in, you still had to go. So she was like, There, you know, they the the lottery had already been over for this this new town I'm moving to. But she was like, But we got have two new spots because I guess somebody dropped out, and she was like, if you wanted them, they would be yours. And I said, I turned to my husband and was like, I know this wasn't our top choice, but but free, yeah, free. Now we have to still pay for aftercare because free the universal pre-K is school time, so it's like 8 30 to like three. So like it's not a full time.

Gavin: 16:16

Luckily, it's not that half day, because sometimes pre-K programs can be half day, so you're lucky you didn't get that sailing camp that you just might as well sit for three hours in your car. But anyway, so where do you think we're going, Gavin?

David: 16:28

The free one. And I was like, listen, she can she can she can play in a cinder block basement, she can she'll be fine. She'll be fine. Um, so but so for those of you out there who are also touring pre-K's or just doing that now, I hear you. Please reach out to us, tell us your stories. We want to read them on the podcast because it is, I had forgotten because we've been at the same daycare for five years.

Gavin: 16:50

And so Well, this is why you you've been very privileged for the last couple of years to not have to look for further, but this is a national dilemma and a national scourge of uh massive stress for parents. And no wonder we need universal pre-K worlds, because this is a capitalist world where we have to have salaries and we have to pay for a lot of shit and kids need to be taken care of. I was listening to a podcast uh the recently that was talking about education, essentially. And one of the things they said was you know, the the wonder of the American education system is not that we teach people anything. The wonder of it is that millions and millions and millions of children are in daycare from basically the same hours of the day across the entire country. And that is what actually helps the country run is that parents are free to what? Go work their asses off so that they can pay for things like um daycare. But eventually the public school system is of course, we are teaching and we are trying to create a civic society and all the things, but also it's daycare. And it's amazing that millions and millions and millions of people do that, children do that every single day. So anyway, but getting that coverage is so critical. And no wonder we need universal pre-K systems across the country.

David: 18:04

Cause come on. But I will also say, again, for transparency, is that because it's 8:30 to 3, if you want to pay for aftercare, great. But they follow the school system and the school is always off. There's always a half day or a random Wednesday and religious holidays. Uh-huh. So it's like 14 days of half days and 16 days of full days or whatever. And you can pay for this free pre-program for those extra days. So it's always Monday through Friday, no matter what. Yep. And so those you have to pay for. And so when we worked it out throughout the year, our free pre-K still costs us$600 a month. Now, again, way better than the$1,500. But I it is like for transparency, it's like it is still very expensive. And you're like, oh, I can just quit my job and just raise my, you know, have my kid home all day. But A, ew, gross. No, I don't want to be around them all that time. But B, that's not enough money. I have to do, you know. So anyway, it is a shit show. It's hard. But um, one of the other things is a lot of two of these pre preschools were in churches. And Gavin, you bet me, I am very anti, I'm very anti-theist. I'm very anti-theist. And so my first question out of the gate with both of these people, because I didn't want to waste their time. I was like, is this secular or is there a religious component to this? And luckily, both of them were like, oh no, no, no. We literally rent this space from the church. We are totally separate entities. We know it's yeah, that's what I've learned is it's very common. So I almost didn't take these tours. I'm glad I did because of when I Google mapped it. I was like, oh, it's in a Catholic church. I don't want my child to be raped. But um geez, it's so sad that you are exactly right about that. I'm exactly fucking right. So um, but I'm glad I went. So if you're looking, if you're also um an uh afraid of religion um poisoning your child's brain, please go to those and just ask them the question is it secular? Because a lot of the times they're literally just renting the space. There's no crossover whatsoever.

Gavin: 19:54

I mean um church has got to make some bank too, because they have to be able to, well, insert joke here, but yeah.

David: 19:59

Well, sure. But I mean like also um yeah, like I I don't know anything about church, but I assume like their big days are like Sundays and then maybe a little Saturdays and maybe like a Wednesday prayer breakfast. But then like the space is empty.

Gavin: 20:08

Like they need that money. It's a lot of space and they all uh have a lot of little classrooms with lots of rainbows on the walls and whatnot.

David: 20:14

100%. It's it's already gay and it's already daycare. Um really gay. So reach out to us if you're also doing this. I think it would be really interesting to hear other people's um things. So the other thing that we I we're doing now that we're moving is that my son, who's gonna go go into first grade, is going to a brand new school.

Gavin: 20:31

Brand new parents, brand new PTA. Imagine all of the new beef out there for you to scope out.

David: 20:38

Oh my goodness. More dad beef. And also, what if I'm not the only gay dad at the school? My reign will have ended because I am for sure the only gay dad at our current school. Are you gonna be okay with that? What if No, no, no, of course not. I want to be the token. The only the only gay in the village. I understand. Yeah, you want to be that token. 100%. So um, but my son has been saying, Oh, like I'm excited, but then every once in a while he'll go, like, I don't want to go to a new like he's been kind of scared.

Gavin: 21:02

And so I know Can you imagine? You're scared to go into that new school too, because one, you might have competition, and two, there's the mean girls table and the band fags table and the sports tables, and you're like, how where am I gonna fit in?

David: 21:13

Right, yeah, yeah. Um, so um, that is all also on our minds, and also the house we're buying is an estate. Well, you are just on a rant. Keep please there's no there's no guest this episode, so we gotta fill it out. Well, we get to just chat.

Gavin: 21:27

We're having coffee. Thanks, thanks everybody for coming in and having coffee with us.

David: 21:30

This is kind of what we do before we start recording, anyway. And by the way, I have a bloody Mary. I'm sure you do. Um, we are buying this as an estate, and for those of you who don't know what that means, that's basically somebody died, and their house is is going to whoever is the next of kin or their their family, and then this seems like the dad hack.

Gavin: 21:47

This seems like the dad hack of the week. I mean, how do you get in on an estate sale kind of situation?

David: 21:52

Is it a special thing? Here's why you find them. Here's why I like well it. I mean, I don't know if you could search for particularly states, but we just happened to see this house go on the market and then we got it. But it our current house was an estate as well, where the woman died in the house. Oh my god. And this house we're buying, she died in the house. So clearly, we have a thing for women dying in houses. Yeah. So so, so, but it's but what what I like about it is a I love older houses. Like, I love like like our bathroom has like an original like yellow tiles. Like it's crazy. Like, I love that shit. But also, like, there's just there's like there's stuff in the house, and their kids are usually like, what do you want? And we just get furniture if we want furniture or whatever. So nice. Um, yeah, but um, I'm not gonna tell my kids where she died in the house because I made that mistake in our current house to tell them where she died. And sometimes they walk by that spot and they're like, Is this where Ruth died? I'm like, Yeah, this is where she's do you do you feel Ruth in the current house? 100%. Well, I don't know if I feel her, but I will say anytime like the lights turn on randomly or there's a weird sound, I'm like, Ruth, we get it. You hate gay people, but we own the house now. So go fuck yourself.

Gavin: 23:05

Do you know who the ghost is gonna be in your new house? We do. We hit we hit your name.

David: 23:09

You know, her photos, I I don't know if I want to say it yet, but like her photos are still in the wall. Like there's her stuff. I mean, it's like her stuff is still in the closet, like it's kind of creepy a little bit. Um, but it's our house now. I mean, the house is full of asbestos and you know, poison and cancer carcinogens, but we got it. Which is what kills her.

Gavin: 23:29

You might die really, really young, but uh put it in your will that you wanted to go to gay parents somewhere, okay?

David: 23:36

I mean, yeah. So um anyway, so the the the TLDR, even though it's already been TL, is we are moving and it is difficult as a parent, and uh, I'm hoping it will be over soon, but I'm really excited about our new life and our new town.

Gavin: 23:52

Um, so I've got a little topic to actually bring up here, and I uh it is very much this is gonna be totally my character and your character coming in as I want to rant about politics and you are here to make dick jokes. It insert the dick jokes into the politics. Can you do that for me? Okay, so there is a situation right now, brewing in Connecticut where I live, where the um, you know, there are hospitals that have been giving very, very important care, um, gender-affirming care to children under the age of 19 for years now. And, you know, we all know that it is a teeny, tiny population of children who are just trying to live their truth, right? And the parents who are trying to be like, frankly, I don't know what, but I want to give my child the ability to be happy and follow their truth and whatnot. And you know what, David? Just yesterday, as of the recording here, several hospitals are just closing the doors and shutting the parents out in the cold, quite literally. And let's name check them, shall we? Yes. Yale New Haven Hospital is just closing its doors on his gender-affirming care with no um, with no warning whatsoever. Just why? Are they doing it because of drugs? They're not giving reasons yet, but hey, let me go ahead and be a dog whistle. There's a signal group um that I've been told about that um actually um says that there might be some kind of executive order coming down later in August, and that frankly, these hospitals are trying to get in front of it. And they are literally sending signals out to say to people, you need to stock start stockpiling um uh medications right now and uh and get on get on top of this in any way that you possibly can. So is it Trump related? Of course it's Trump related. So um Yale just went ahead and closed its doors, and no matter what the justification may be there, uh hey, we will remember this. And also Connecticut Children's Hospital, also, they're at least having a little more compassionate way of saying we are phasing it out and phasing out um gender-affirming care for children under the age of 19. But let me not forget.

David: 25:51

I want these hospitals come back online. When when world order is restored, we have a democratic president and things are a little less fucked up. I we cannot forget or forgive any of these people. And if these longtime Trump supporters, I don't care who they are in your life, any of these companies who bowed down to Trump, I don't care what what your defense was about, oh, we got to save the stock crisis, we can never forgive them. When Yale comes back online, do not step foot in that fucking place.

Gavin: 26:20

Yeah. Sorry about it, Yale. You are canceled um here in Gatriarchs, and our listener will uh definitely agree with us, and it is definitely gonna bring you to your knees, which is always the point of Gatriarchs, after all, right? Um, so anyway, just putting that news out there that it it goes along the lines, and hey, maybe this is the segue into there is no good gay news in the news.

David: 26:44

I feel like you all gatriarchs to be like the the finest news source or whatever, but it's like it's the finest source of bad news. Like maybe we should have like a good news segment. Like what we could do, the audio clip we could do like good news, good news.

Gavin: 27:00

But that but is it gonna be good gay news, or is it just like, oh, some some puppies were rescued in Oklahoma recently.

David: 27:06

No, I think that means for um something great at the end of the show. We should have like good gay news. Which maybe that has been a good thing. I've been trying there's no such thing. There's no such thing as good gay news.

Gavin: 27:15

David, have you listened? We we have been doing this for many, many weeks. Gatrix has been at the top. I know. Gatrix has been at the top of the news segments of you know, all over the country for for months now, and you've clearly paid no attention. I do my best to actually filter through the bit the bad news, and believe me, there's a lot. So when I bring good gay news, I have been filtering. I have done my homework anyway. Give me some good gay dads, give me some dilfs of the week, will you? I you know what? I do put at least 30 seconds of thought into this before we start recording. But this week I was very excited because I knew exactly those dilfs of the week. All right, and it's a it's a it's a couple. You can call them a couple of a sort. They're a couple. So is this a is this a dilfy sandwich of the week? Absolutely. You know who it is? Matt Stone and Trey Parker. Amen. They amens. Yeah. They are our dilfs of the week because you know what? They are principled, they are honest, they are catty, they are funny, they are savage, and they're both daddies. So I love that. They are definitely easel. They are our dilfs of the week. Thank you for the incredibly principled stand you are taking against the bullshit that's coming out of Washington, D.C. right now and entertaining the fuck out of us in the process. Uh, Matt Stone and Trey Parker are dilfs of the week. You know what is totally unprincipled?

David: 28:44

Do tell our top three list. Gatriarchs, top three list, three, two, one. So this week is my list. It is a top three mornings. Now, Gavin, could you do this? Am I gonna start doing my top three and you're gonna frantically write them as yep, he's clicking his pen so he can write what the top three mornings are. Well, you've we've wasted a good uh 27 minutes of our listener time already. Wasting, wasting. Don't worry, I'll make mine fast. They may be fresh, but they will be fast. Don't you worry. So here are my top three mornings. Um, in number three, a crispy fall morning after your first night in your college, and there's crunchy leaves outside, and you're wearing a giant blanket, and you brew some chai tea. Wait, in college? It's your first night in your college. Like you're you just you graduated high school, you got to your college town.

Gavin: 29:43

I I understand what college is, but wait, you're saying that on your first morning after your first night in college, you walked outside over the leaves with a blanket. No, no, no, no. And you're in your house.

David: 29:57

You're in your house, but there are crunchy fall leaves outside. You know that what's waiting for you outside. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Gavin, I don't need you to go. What does college have to do with it? Because the first morning in your new college dorm, you just feel like there's so much hope in the air, right? Gavin, you can't start shitting up. This is just gonna get worse and worse at this time. It is, I can't wait. I can't wait. Okay, great. College morning, fantastic. Uh, number two, it's the morning after a night out where you did get a little drunk, but yeah, like really drunk. Yep. Yeah, and you had great sex with a stranger. Awesome. But they left in the middle of the night. Uh-huh. But they left you a cute little note saying, like, had fun. You know you'll never see them again. And that's fine. And you have brunch scheduled that day with your best friend in two hours. Come on. No notes. You imagine that's a great morning. No notes. No notes. Perfect. No notes. I think my number one is gonna be no notes as well. Uh, and number one, my top morning. Mourning the death of Donald Trump. Top morning. What about you? What did you just screen uh frantically write as I was uh doing it?

Gavin: 31:10

All right, all right, all right, all right. Um number three for me is uh actually pulling my lazy ass out of bed and exercising so that you get it out of the way because you feel so good after the fact. So, in a perfect world when I do that, I actually get on my bike and I go for a road ride, a road bike um ride. And I like the autumnal factor there. I live in a very beautiful area of New England, and so being able to see the leaves changing and everything in nice fresh air, but it's not too cold, it's just that crisp autumnal air. So getting out and doing some exercise so that I don't feel like the slug that I normally feel most of the time. That is my number three top um morning. Uh number two, just reading in bed with coffee. I mean God, you are so boring. Oh, but it feels so good to just be able to do that. It feels so good to be able to do that. Number one for me, kind of like what you were saying is having the hangover that isn't a debilitating hangover, but the hangover that makes you feel like, yeah, I had fun last night.

David: 32:19

The hangover that reminds you of the night before. Yes, yeah.

Gavin: 32:22

Just reminds you just enough that you did it right and you aren't dead yet. That you do still know how to have a good time. Frankly, that's it for me. Number one is just having the right amount of hangover that says you aren't dead yet and you had a great time last night. There you go.

David: 32:39

All right, what's next week that you've prepared for sure? The thing is, is like if you ever just have a list ready, our listener is gonna be so disappointed because you've trained them, you've dogged them with being the the butt of all you're the star of every cold open.

Gavin: 32:57

All right, David, I was totally prepared on this one.

David: 33:00

Okay, so don't you I know that I edited a good 45 seconds of silence out of this podcast. I want you to know that.

Gavin: 33:07

Well, I'm just being consistent. I want to know, David, your top three dream guests for Gatriarchs that we haven't had yet. That we haven't had yet. And we're gonna tag the shit out of them, and we're gonna make this a reality in the next year of Gatriarchs, okay? Love it. David, I am so excited to talk about my something great this week. Oh, jeez. Okay, we're jumping right into it. All right, yeah. Is it related to the dilf of the week? Yes, it is. Our plural dilfs of the week, the sandwich, the South Park sandwich that is the dilfs of the week this week. I know. I I jumped in here because I didn't want you to steal my something great, which is South Park. God bless South Park and the statements they have made, and they signed their billion-dollar agreements with Paramount and to placate Paramount, who wants to placate the orange Cheeto in the White House, and then they were like, we will take your billion dollars and bend you over a barrel and and just fuck you like the little turd that you are president turd head shitty nonsense. So my something great is South Park.

David: 34:14

Yes, watching billionaires squabble at the highest level is it like just like a like a slap fight is arguably a reason to keep billionaires around. Like absolutely. I I am very much to think like like billionaires should not exist on principle. Yeah, but in this case, yeah, Matt and Trey.

Gavin: 34:34

Thank you, Matt and Trey. You are our something great. And it also just goes to show that um, you know what, you can you can take our gender-affirming care, and you can take our tariff taxes, and you can take our civil liberties, but you cannot take comedy away from the people. So, my something great is uh Matt and Trey and South Park. What about you, David?

David: 34:57

Oh my god. That is so much better than mine. Mine is so fucking stupid compared to that. That should just be ours, but I will give you something. So, one of the things we do um mostly during meals, but sometimes on Saturdays, we're just like, what a whatever. Um, we'll put on, you know, house music in all the house. We'll say, you know, um house music in a different way. Yeah, yeah. We'd say, you know, Alexa, go, you know, play this or whatever. And so I have all different kinds of radio stations. I have Michael Bublé Radio, which I love. Um, I have Mozart Radio sometimes when I'm gonna call things down. But recently, so we all love yacht rock, right? That's like classic, like we love yacht rock. I mean, tell me you're white without telling me you're white. I am so white, but I have discovered a new, it's like yacht rock adjacent one, which is Dion Warwick Radio. Now you're thinking, David, are you a 150-year-old woman from Minnesota? I am. All risk all due respect to all of them, yes. Oh, yes. No, we love all of our listener from there. But Dion Warwick Radio is another level of yacht rock you cannot imagine. So if you're like me and you love to do kind of generalized stations when you're doing whatever, Dion Warwick Radio. And I'm very young, and that is our show. If you have any common suggestions or general compliments for Gavin, you can email us at Gatryarchspodcast at gmail.com.

Gavin: 36:15

Or you can DM us on Instagram. We are at Gatriarchspodcast. On the internet, David is at DavidFm FawnEverywhere, and Gavin is at Gavin Lodge in Occupy Wall Street.

David: 36:25

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