The one with podcasters Bryan Ruiz and Jon Ruiz

This week, Gavin is half a century, David loves cakes, Gavin's kids are faking it, we announce our Halloween party cohosted with the Queer Family Podcast, we rank the top 3 witches, and this week we are joined by "biological twin cousins" Bryan and Jon Ruiz, who are hosts of their own gay podcast, "Out Loud and Laughing," who laugh with us about having kids, not having kids, being gay, Florida avocado toast, and why the second kid is always the nightmare. 

Questions? Comments? Rants? Raves? Send them to GaytriarchsPodcast@gmail.com, or you can DM us anywhere @GaytriarchsPodcast

Transcript

David: 0:00

And that's our show.

Gavin: 0:01

That is our show.

David: 0:07

Oh, and now you're shutting your mouth for the first time in fucking forever. And this is Gatriarchs.

Gavin: 0:26

So, David, um, I'm commando right now. What? Do you you have okay? That was a great reaction. So I am curious to. This is completely unrelated to parenting, but it is like man stuff, all right? And maybe dad stuff. But my so much of my Instagram feed is just overloaded with selling me pants that I have never bought before, ever. But I um I found a pair of bird dogs. You know, you know about all of this. Yeah, bird dogs. And so I'm wearing bird dogs right now, and I don't understand if you're just supposed to go completely underwearless or not, because it has that they they have the liner, right? But I feel like that just feels unclean to me. Who sat around and thought, you know what we should do is have dudes go around um commando, but fool them into thinking that they actually are wearing underwear? And well, Gabe, but things are. Like, are you not are you not scrubbing down there? I am absolutely but but listen, listen, listen. I I will say, okay, outing myself here, I'm not necessarily somebody who wears a pair of pants for one day and immediately throws them in the laundry, you know? I wear it. Of course, I don't think anybody does that. Yeah. I wear jeans for eight months before I actually, right? Yeah. But that's because I'm wearing underwear. But then these pants, you have to theoretically, you have to wash them every time because, you know, because things happen, right?

David: 1:54

Guys, this is the kind of hard-hitting news that we start every episode of Gay G Arcs off with is real hard hitting, like underwear or not. Wait, I thought I didn't think we were recording. The only reason I like like I know what bird dogs is, is because they they have me. My Instagram feed has a chokehold on me because all they're doing is showing me guys with thick legs and big asses, and they're only showing me that part of their waist study. There's there's literally, they're like no need to see any other part of them. Who cares what they look like? But look at these massive thighs. That's how I know what bird dogs are.

Gavin: 2:26

But um, so anyway, I mean I I am such a jeans guy, and but increasingly I'm like, God, these are so uncomfortable. I mean, my kids won't wear jeans, they're they're like because they're uncomfortable. And I am from the 1950s when James Dean, everybody wants to be James Dean, right? So I wear jeans and I'm like, these are uncomfortable. Why am I why am I wearing jeans?

David: 2:48

I mean, remember our parents used to wear like suits in the house. Like a shh, yes, do you know what I mean? Like dad would sit by the old radio smoking his pipe in a fucking wool suit. Like comfort was not a part of it. But now it's all about athleisure, which I'm totally into.

Gavin: 3:06

Right. I mean, and I hear I complain about the lack of formality in my kids and the lack of formality in society. And no, nobody's got no class, name it. And um, and I lament it, and I feel like my kids dress like you know, uh just off the rack at Goodwill, and all the things at Goodwill they're finding is from hand-me-downs from old navy, which let's face it, thank God they're not actually spending money on anything nice. But but at the same time, why wear stuff that's uncomfortable? Why do we do that to ourselves? Is it just the church? Do you think it's the church just holding power over us?

David: 3:40

No, Gavin, it's because you're about to be a half a century old. Do we have to talk about this? Let's talk about it because our listener needs to know how old you are. I mean, they could see it in your frown lines, but like, but like they can count the rings on your tree.

Gavin: 3:54

But you saw this on the outline and I didn't get a chance to say, must we? Must we tomorrow, right? Tomorrow? I mean, if this goes out as scheduled, if the world doesn't completely melt down, which is a very high probability that I will not see my 50th birthday because everything's just gonna completely implode, which Yeah.

David: 4:14

But if not, here's what we want our listener to do. Go to Gavin's personal page and wish him a happy 50th birthday by sending him a dick pic. And so I want every listener out there, whether or not you have a dick, send him a dick pic at Gavin Lodge on most things, because let's make this a birthday he'll always remember. And I would appreciate the same for my 46 next month. Let's try to get him 50 dick pics in his DMs. Do you think we could do that, everyone? This is listen, this episode we're gonna ask a lot of you, listener, and the first thing I want is a dick pic from you into Gavin's DMs. And let's see if we can get to 50. And we will let you know next week if we got 50 dick pics. You're welcome. Happy birthday, Gaven launch.

Gavin: 4:58

You just pulled that out of your bird dogs for sure. That was well done. I can't wait to open my um. I mean, the thing is, we've been sending them for 122 episodes. We've been um misstating what my what email is or whatever, but yes, that is my Instagram.

David: 5:16

That is that is his Instagram. Um, something else we're gonna ask of you, listener, is I know this is quite a quite a bit of ways, but next month, we at Gatriarchs are co-hosting a Halloween party with our friends at the Queer Family Podcast. Jamie Kelton at the Queer Family Podcast has reached out and said, Hey, should we do like a Halloween party together with like a bunch of gay families?

Gavin: 5:38

And I think an excuse to get together.

David: 5:40

And Gabin said, Is there a bar? And we said, Yes, there will be a bar. So he said yes. So next month, a Saturday, October 25th, we are going to be co-hosting a Halloween party. Now, this is two hours in Manhattan at Sugar Mouse. Um, there is a link in our bio to the eventbrite if you click on our bio. And it's just going to be a couple hours. You can come in costume if you want. We'll have candy for the kids. There's a full bar. There's like you can order food.

Gavin: 6:07

You don't have to bring your kids if you don't want. You can get dressed up or not get dressed up. You can just show up and come hug us in in real life. Which, by the way, you say it's a really long ways away, David. But let's face it, it's basically December 31st already right now. So it's basically a different December. The party was two months ago. Sorry, you missed it. But yeah, anyway.

David: 6:24

But um, we're excited to see us, you guys listener out there. Please come and join us, whether or not you're a parent or not, or whether or not you like us or not. Show up. Um, it'll be so fun. It's just two hours, four to six p.m. We'll have like a little runway uh for the kids, a little section where they can show off their costumes and like there's arcade games there. It's a really fun place. So please sign up on our Eventbrite, and uh we really hope to see you there.

Gavin: 6:47

I I don't think you're actually touting just how cool this place is. Also, remember Sugar Mouse is it's basically like, well, it's not a Dave and Buster's exactly, but it's almost like old school games um and lots of I mean it is arcade style, but it's you know, it's a little more like, I don't know, downtown bluesy too, and um with like shuffleboard or whatever that game is called, and and foosball and you know, all sorts of cool things. And the kids get to run like run around like mad if they want. But um, and be sure, um, let David know in his DMs um how much you find the time inconvenient. Because that was a really big discussion amongst us whether we should do it from, hey, nine to eleven in the morning, twelve to two, four to six, and lots of discussions of nap time. And by nap time we mean David's because he is actually older in spirit than I am. So please let David know how unhappy you are with that time.

David: 7:35

No, I chose this time because it was initially two to four, and I said, I still have a napping kid at home. I will not be coming to this. And they were like, What about four to six? I said, I will be there. So please join us uh four to six p.m. You could do it before your Broadway show. You can get a sitter. Don't bring the kids, who fucking cares about the kids? But there will be lots of kids there.

Gavin: 7:51

So I do need to confess one thing about my kids this week, okay, David?

David: 7:56

Okay.

Gavin: 7:56

I so my son plays a lot of soccer. I spend a lot of time on soccer fields, and I really enjoy it. It's very fun. And he's very good, and boy, does he love soccer. But I have been noticing something of late. I think I don't know if any of those coaches, which by the way, one of his coaches I think does regularly listen to this, shout out listener Matt. Um, I don't know if this has been instilled in him or taught to him, or he's been observing it, but he's doing full-on Meryl Streep European style injuries. And I think exaggerating some of his falls occasionally, like when it looks like he's being tripped, he doesn't just fall down and do a face plant. He does like a triple LUT in the air. And then he does this amazing job. And now I am, I should not be um jinxing myself here because hey, the kid is hurt and he's tough and he pushes through pain, I think, quite quite well. But now sometimes I stand there and while the first time I saw him theoretically injured on the field, um, I couldn't breathe. And if somebody had said something to me, I would have immediately burst into tears because to see him hurt makes my my soul hurt desperately. But of late, I'm like, I'm gonna hold off because I'm watching him not writhe around in agony, but he does a very slow like face down into the ground, and and I mean the whole team is kneeling around him, and then he pops up and he plays the rest of the game. I'm just saying. Now, again, I do not want to put bad vibes out there into the sports, you know.

David: 9:28

But that's part, isn't that part of but yes, like the the theater of it all is all. I mean, it's like, do you remember when Tanya Harding like put her boot up and then because she said her laces broke and she was like crying and she was like, My boot laces like isn't this part of the game in soccer?

Gavin: 9:43

Direct relationship to soccer, yes, exactly.

David: 9:45

Well, you were talking about soccer. I had to gay it up a little bit.

Gavin: 9:48

Yeah, you I mean, you I mean, listen, soccer can be pretty gay. Uh, but those you need the referees to come make calls in your favor, you know, and you, I mean, they're from a very young age, whenever they miss a call that they think is wrong, I mean, every single one of my kids does the kind of like throw their hands up like, what the to the referee. And um, the referees do a good job of um ignoring it. But anyway, I will report back later if I um if I'm possibly able to see, you know, like is this is this just really good at fine acting or um or not, you know?

David: 10:19

I think I think it is. I think there's like little fine-tuning where like, yes, you actually got your shin got kicked, but also I could probably dial up the volume a little bit if it if it benefits me. Um, you know what will also benefit us is our listener. So Gavin and I were tossing around ideas for episodes that we could do um in the future, what could be fun. We, as you know, never plan ahead on this podcast, but we were actually thinking about the future, and I was thinking, wouldn't it be really fun for our special guests to be a few of our listener? And I was like, if maybe we do like quick five-minute interviews with, I don't know, our top five listener. And I thought that would be kind of a fun thing. So we're gonna put it out to you all, listener. If you're interested, would it be fun to be our guest on the episode? We'll do, I don't know, a couple, or we'll try to figure out how many of you are interested. And we'll do like a quick five-minute rapid fire interview of you all, and then we'll do a whole episode devoted to our listener, our devoted listener who's been with us for now 123 episodes. We want to do it for you. So if you're interested, if you want to kind of be a guest on Gate Yarks, please DM us. First of all, first DM Gabin your dick pig, and then DM Gate Yarks if you'd be interested. And we'll make it happen. I think it could be really fun.

Gavin: 11:32

All right, all right. So um looking at our outline here, because we are prepared and we do our homework, David, it looks like you might have a dad hack of the week.

David: 11:40

I actually do, and my husband reminded me of this this morning, and it's a thing I found on TikTok, which is obviously everything I've ever done in my entire life, I've found on TikTok, whether I baked it or it's a parenting hack or whatever. But I decided to try it because our dinner times, I don't know about yours, are just always terrible. It's always hard to get anything out of my children. Um, as far as what they did that day. I'm like, hey, what happened at school? They're like nothing. And I was like, I saw a photo of you holding an alligator. Yep. Um and so um I saw this TikTok act and I was like, fuck it, I'll try it. Gavin, it works like a charm, and we will be keeping it for the indefinite future. The game is called, and if you've seen this, you've you've seen this, High Low Buffalo. And what it is is you go around the table and each person says a high of their day. It sounds very like like corporate speak, but you say something that good happened to you today, something your low is something that is bad that happened to you or something that made you sad. And your buffalo is something you just make up. So I'll say, my high today was I had a really good workout and I felt really good about myself. My low was I just um I had a really bad headache and it wouldn't go away for a couple hours. And my buffalo is I flew to space today. And the kids laugh and they think it's so funny. It has been magical. I have found out stuff that's gone on at my kids' school. I found out that a kid was bullying my kid. I found out what my daughter had for lunch. Like there's stuff that they would have never told me had it not been in the context of this game. So this game has worked really well for us.

Gavin: 13:07

I wish um I had had this dad hack 10 years ago, uh, but I will actually see what I can do with my twins, uh, twins, with my teens as well. Um, I uh it's it's just absolutely pulling teeth to get them to tell me anything, just yeah, everything's fine, which I guess is good. I mean, hopefully that they're not.

David: 13:23

Yeah, but then when you start actually getting information from them, you're like, it wasn't all fine. There were really good things and really bad things. And so I I'd be interested to see here how this works with teenagers, but it's the buffalo part that I think gets them excited. Um, because it's fun to lie because my children love to lie.

Gavin: 13:40

Um, so no lie. I have a doof of the week. And um I our transitions, by the way, today, fire. Our fire, our transitions have been amazing. So um Tom Daly is just a light in the midst of a world of burning uh mayhem, right? And all of his knitting, everything, this, that, and the other, and his fine ass and his little diving trunks once in a while, but also just the fact that he's just this like sprite of a person who goes around spreading love. But you know what? He's not our dilf of the week. I've I had to make a pivot today. And you know why? Because Jimmy fucking Kimmel is the only dilf on the entire planet for the next for the next who knows how long. And and if you know, you know. And he does have children. And hey, that salt and pepper beard.

David: 14:28

Yeah, so I would totally sleep with Jimmy Kimmel. And now he has more time to sleep with me. So I hope he sleeps with me. Um but yes, you're you're doing that frown upside down. I know. Well, we're we're making light of obviously a very dark situation, but this is a comedy podcast first. And we are just devastated.

Gavin: 14:44

He's legit funny and legit hot. So no, I'm not joking.

David: 14:47

I would sleep with him. To be fair, I would sleep with a lot of people that I probably shouldn't. And it would be under duress because Jimmy would be like, I'm not interested in you, and I'll be like, Too bad. Um, but yeah, so you know what else is not interested in me? What? Our top three list. Gate three arcs, top three list, three, two, one. So this week is my week in honor of my excitement of fall and Halloween coming up. I wanted to do what are your top three witches? Again, like every fucking week. It could go a million different ways. I struggled. I struggled so hard to do top three. I didn't want to do any honorable mentions. So I was like, you know what? What are the top three best witches from my life? My gay, gay life. So number three, obviously, Sabrina the teenage. She listened she raised me. Sabrina Spellman, by the way, I found out online is her last name. Spellman. Come on, writers. Can you get a little bit less on the nose? Um, Sabrina, the teenage witch. Number two, Ursula. What a queer icon. Yes. Ursula the sea witch. Yes. Oh my god. And that body yada yadi. Oh my god. Living, living for it. Living for that witch.

Gavin: 16:03

And to be clear, not when she takes human form, because fuck that. We do No, ooh, I don't like her. Everything about her big drag queen.

David: 16:10

I want those tits spilling out of her.

Gavin: 16:13

When they when she makes her transition, yes, those boobies just go bodacious for her.

David: 16:18

And then she becomes like the big version of herself, and her tits get even huge. Oh my god. It's everything I've ever wanted in a sequence show. Um and number one, my favorite witch of all time, because she is in my favorite series of all time, Hermione Granger.

Gavin: 16:34

Oh nice.

David: 16:35

Now she's obviously she's she's a mud blood, she's muggle-born, but she is a witch. So what about you? What are your top three witches?

Gavin: 16:42

Okay, I mean, I know this is uh I just couldn't get it out of my head, and I'm like, you know what? Then I when I think of witches, I am gonna go with her because she's um obviously fantastic. And I do mean in the movie version, obviously. Number three is Alpha Cynthia Ruby.

David: 16:55

Of course, Alpha Throp, obviously.

Gavin: 16:57

Number two for me is all those women over all of time in memorial who were burned at the stake because the patriarchy couldn't take them actually having an opinion and sharing knowledge. So, to all of those thousands, maybe millions of women from the Renaissance on who burned at the stake, they are also my favorite witches, okay?

David: 17:19

I love that we're having an in-memorium for the Salem witches on patriarchs.

Gavin: 17:24

But then my number one favorite witch is my kind of adoptive sister, Charlotte. Now, why on earth would that be the case? And oh, Gavin, you have an adoptive sister? Yes. Um, long story short, um, I uh I'm very close to a family.

David: 17:40

And she Why do I think this is not gonna be short? But continue.

Gavin: 17:43

And she and she's a witch. She's she's four years younger than me. She has um she uh has her um what is that, her coven. She uh considers herself a very spiritual person, and she has lectured me and given me lots of historical lessons about the European patriarchy burning all the women who were of a certain age, who had certain knowledge about the um, you know, herbs and forestry and whatnot. And of course the church couldn't take it, so they just burned them all at the stake, burn the witches. And um, I think that she is very um, she she's very methodical and thoughtful about her witchiness. She's not like Wiccan, she's French, and so she's not like, no, I'm not gonna make up some religion. She's but she's like, you know what? If I were in Asia, I would be considered a shaman, but I'm not a shaman. I'm not Asian, so I'm so I'm a witch. So my pseudo sister, I shouldn't even say pseudo, but Charlotte, has her own Instagram account devoted to her witchiness, and it is at wildandfree.academy, spelled the American way. So that's my favorite witch. Shout out Charlotte Grene.

David: 18:45

What fun for our listener to hear your top three list be somebody that is private to your life that only means something to you. That's really fun for everyone to participate in. Um, okay, now that we are done with my list, it's obviously your turn to choose the top three lists for next week, which I know you're ready for. Um, what is it, Gavin? You motherfucker. You're in LA. You had a six-hour flight to think about this.

Gavin: 19:10

So for next week, I want to know what you think are the top three inappropriate Halloween costumes for grown ass men. So today on Gatriarch, we have Brian and John. Uh, David, they're cousins, or as they like to say, they're biological twin cousins, which what? I anyway, one is a dad, one is a bon vivant 40-year-old Zaddy without the kids. They have a podcast that is infinitely higher quality than ours, despite being like fucking babies in the podcasting sphere. Just like they started last week. But we can't wait to be new best frenemies with this biological twin cousin duo, which again uh makes no sense to me, but our IQs are in the toilets. Uh so I digress. Please welcome to the show, the host of the fabulous podcast, Out Loud. And laughing. Brian Ruiz and John Ruiz. Hey guys. Welcome. Hello. Thanks for having us. We're excited. John, how have Brian's kids driven you bonkers already today?

SPEAKER_02: 20:17

Considering there's about 1,300 miles between us, I have to say today they I'm going bonkers, just missing them. I love them. I really do. I live in Florida. Brian lives in New Jersey with the kiddos, but trust me, I've got some tea on them.

David: 20:30

So if you want to have a lot of people, yeah, this is the time. This is the time to spill all family secrets, personal and professional.

Gavin: 20:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 20:37

It will come out, I promise.

Gavin: 20:38

Okay, good. All right. All right. Well then, okay, fine, Brian. You're the one, you're the daddy. How have your kids driven you bunkers to already today?

SPEAKER_04: 20:46

Uh well, first they woke up and came downstairs. So already a problem. Already a problem. Leaving their room is a problem. But um, so Kenzie, my oldest, started kindergarten last week. Yeah, super cute, whatever. But somehow she has now entered a new era. I call her her B era. And she is total bitch mode, and it's not even like the standard like three-year-old sass. She is now like her vocabulary is like, Are you kidding me? No, dad, I'm good. Like, almost like that adult bitchiness. And so I'm blaming K-pop demon hunters and the second graders that she's now playing with at an aftercare. Uh-huh. And I am a firm believer that she should be a boss on the streets. But at home. Tone it down a little bit, girlfriend.

David: 21:38

A hundred percent. I I have a I have a daughter as well. I have a six-year-old and a three-year-old. And my three-year-old girl, I'm like, she's like strong-willed. She won't listen to anybody. She's she's a total nightmare. I'm like, can you save that for when you're a young woman working on your career in the big city? Right. For now, can you just defer to a man? I would really appreciate that.

Gavin: 21:58

That is, I mean, that's obviously so universal that you want them to be bull-headed and strong and leaders, but not until they're 18. Please. Yes, like it's too much.

David: 22:06

And also, K-pop demon hunters, we've been talking about for weeks on this show. It has totally taken over our household, like it sounds like it has for you.

SPEAKER_04: 22:14

Honestly, it's taken over our household, but I am not gonna lie. Living for the soundtrack. Soda pop is a bop. It is uh it's my anthem. Yeah, it is 100% my anthem as well. Okay, yeah, guys.

SPEAKER_02: 22:26

I feel like the fourth person in a threesome right now. Come on. Sorry, John, you're here. Sorry, John's here too.

David: 22:32

Great. Well, this is I feel like you guys represent the yin and the yang of me because like Brian, you and I actually live very close to each other. We have similar age children. John, you're living in Florida, which is where I escaped from. So tell us about Florida, John. How does Florida feel in this political climate?

SPEAKER_02: 22:49

Oh, you know, it's been really wild. I um I grew up in Florida. Um, I just spent uh 15 years out in San Francisco and moved back recently, probably in the last two years. By choice. And it's been pretty incredible. Really? Uh there was a little bit of a separation there. Um me and my ex-fiance called it quits and um all for the better. Um I think the worst part of that story now is Florida. Um, but you know, I'm here and there's this whole thing in the news about the rainbow sidewalks, and you know, it's just very much um prevalent here. But I do want to say, I want to shout out um St. Petersburg, Florida, where I do live, is like the San Francisco of Florida. It's so gay. It's amazing. Um, it's a lot of it's a lot of advocacy.

Gavin: 23:32

So you've you're dealing with a lot of shit down in Florida right now, that is for sure. I mean, talk about extremes of both sides, huh? I mean But St.

David: 23:40

Petersburg, especially. So I grew up not too far from there. My grandmother and a lot of my family lived in St. Pete. Back in the 90s, was not the place to be. You did not want to go to St. Pete. Now it is fucking Brooklyn. It is so cute. Everything is like craft beers and shuffleboard and irony and stuff. It's very cute and very gay. Very gay. Everybody has avocado toast. Everybody.

SPEAKER_02: 24:04

Okay, so that's how you know you won.

David: 24:07

Yeah, that's true.

Gavin: 24:08

When you have avocado toast everywhere coming out your way.

David: 24:10

That's the liberal agenda.

Gavin: 24:11

Uh uh along with the gay agenda, just as long as there's avocado toast the morning after. So, will you guys explain to us what is your biological situation? Brian, that's on you.

SPEAKER_04: 24:23

Yeah, uh, well, because I'm three months older, so I just are lovers and cousins. Okay. Uh we grow school boys. So John's dad and my dad are brothers, and John's mom and my mom are sisters. So two brothers married two sisters. Nice. And they decided, yeah, and they decided to have kiddos around the same age. So John is three months younger than me, so that's why he has a more you know polished face. He's younger, uh, and he's gay, I'm gay, and we both grew up literally two blocks from each other as well. So I also grew up in Florida. So we were just like, I don't know, let's start a podcast. We think we're funny, and if not, whatever. Yeah, you know, fuck everybody. Yeah, fuck off.

Gavin: 25:10

Wait, so who got who wait? How did the the mom, the mamas, and the papas come together? Like, were the dads besties and they introduced the like how what?

David: 25:22

Or were the dads sleeping with each other and decided to live a straight life instead? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 25:28

There was an exchange of goats. Okay. And then two fathers shook hands.

SPEAKER_04: 25:34

I mean, the boring part of all of it is their dads, our mom's dad, and our dad's dad, like they were friends in Cuba and they all migrated over kind of different years. And then when they all hung out here, they kind of met. So that's the boring part. Yeah, the funny part is they probably met in a swinging club and they all just like took turns or whatever.

David: 25:55

Also, just proving the conservative agenda, emigrants create gays. This is why this should not happen. That's why I'm saying. I agree. Yeah, send them home, send them back.

SPEAKER_02: 26:04

Send them back, send them back.

Gavin: 26:07

And so then, Brian, how long have you well, I mean, not how long have you been a dad, but what was your dad uh uh fatherhood journey?

SPEAKER_04: 26:16

Uh yeah, it was boring. It was um surrogacy. No, we um my husband Adam and I decided to have babies. We went through an agency, so fun. Um, but it was like red carpet treatment, which is what we wanted. Um yeah, we ended up having Yeah, literally. Um so we had a girl, Kenzie, who's now turning six, and then we have Ollie, who's four and a half. He's my little gremlin. Plenty of stories there. Uh but yeah, we have the same egg donor, Adam and I split. So we have DNA on both kiddos, and they were both born in Little Rock. Our surrogate decided to um she had Kenzie, and then when Kenzie was 10 months old, she's like, I'll do it again. And we were like, we're gonna take you up on that. So yeah, we have now, you know, what we what we call the best mistake we ever did.

David: 27:02

The most expensive best mistake you ever did. Also that. John, I saw you when he said Little Rock. You gave like a little arm swing. Was that in honor of like um uh gentlemen prefer blondes, right?

SPEAKER_02: 27:13

Well, uh, no, maybe you're better with this kind of stuff than I am. I'm not a pop culture guy. It was more of a but a ding ding-ding-ding ding-ding ding moment. Sure, sure.

David: 27:21

But I recognized the arm. It was a very specific arm movement. Wait, so Brian, I uh you and Gavin and I all kind of did almost identical surgacy two kids split the DNA journey. So my question to you is, and this is my scientific data, is your second one the nightmare, or is your first one the nightmare?

SPEAKER_04: 27:41

The second one, the second one's our nightmare.

David: 27:43

Yes, it's consistent across. I feel like most two kid families. The second one is the nightmare.

SPEAKER_04: 27:48

The second one is he is so lucky he's fucking cute. That's all I say. But I will say, all three of us did Sarrogacy, but John's keeps trying the natural way. He's just not having any luck. Just honestly, same.

David: 28:01

I'm trying to run third. It's just not, it's just a lot of disappointment.

SPEAKER_02: 28:05

If I'm being honest, I don't even think I'm putting it in the right hole.

Gavin: 28:07

So to be honest. Well, John, now in this case, also in this family makeup, are you the gunkle or do you have a name? Do they have a special name for you?

SPEAKER_02: 28:19

Oh, do they have a special? They don't. They um they call me Uncle John, which I love and as conservative and right as it should be. No, I'm just kidding. Family, family values.

David: 28:28

They're like, they call me faggot. And you're like, they're like, yo, girl.

SPEAKER_02: 28:33

I'm like, I'm like, yeah, what up, bitch? And she's like, I can get some uh Starburst, and I'm like, I'm I'm like, sure, if I get the pink ones. Um no, uh they they call me Uncle John and they're my babies, and it doesn't, whatever they call me, I would still spend the same amount of money on them. Um I will win every staring contest. Um and if I lose, I will remove all the snacks. I hear kids like snacks.

David: 28:54

So oh yeah, it's it's a definite commodity. John, I'm curious how it felt like watching your twin slash, you know, uh, you know, uh family member become a dad. Was that like wild to watch?

SPEAKER_02: 29:08

Yeah, I mean, it's always been incredible to watch Brian and all of his endeavors, and I think because of the proximity of our relationship, um, that it's it's not just been the children, it's been, you know, him meeting Adam, him, uh, the wedding, um, living abroad, and all of these amazing parts of his journey that Brian's taken me along on. So much so that when I come over, I have a special spot right in between them in their bed. So it's really nice.

David: 29:32

You know, yeah. Again, gay agenda. Yeah, yeah. Brian, no judge.

Gavin: 29:40

Did when uh when did you guys figure out that you were both gay or who came out to who first?

SPEAKER_04: 29:47

Oh, that's I don't even think we've even really unpacked this on our podcast.

SPEAKER_02: 29:52

Oh god, you heard it here first.

SPEAKER_04: 29:53

Wow, no, because John and I John and I have talked about it, obviously. Um, not that we're gay because we're still closeted, but we we definitely have talked a lot about like we were actually pretty insular in our journeys. We really didn't talk to each other about it because I think we were so confused by ourselves, but it wasn't it was until we found each other as gay men because we found each other's family for the longest time.

SPEAKER_02: 30:17

Um I thought you were gonna say until we found each other on grinder.

David: 30:21

Literally, what I was thinking was like sniffies, grinder, like what was it on? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 30:26

Well, we're more old school. We were on Craigslist.

David: 30:28

Oh, yes, Craigslist personals. M for M. Well, that was what the do you remember the Wild West that that's Craigslist personal? Like, you could roll the dice and get some real great trade, or you could get murdered in a dumpster. Or a couch. Or both if you're lucky, yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 30:45

It was a poop a platter of options, but honestly, John and I became close as gay friends then after we were best friends as gay cousins. So that's why our dynamic is really interesting because now we can talk about like family dynamics and then also who John fucked this weekend. So, like, it's like a fun little like where many half fucked. Why am I the bottom?

SPEAKER_02: 31:03

Why am I at the bottom in every story?

Gavin: 31:07

Well, then that definitely leads us to your podcast. Tell us about it and why'd you start it?

SPEAKER_04: 31:13

We started a podcast because John and I always think that well, growing up, we were always the ones that were sitting next to each other at the Thanksgiving table, and then by the end of the meal, we were always the one that got separated because we were being too funny and loud. And we were like, we think we're funny, we should bring it to the world. And John and I also realized there's really no gay podcast out there. I'm just kidding.

David: 31:35

What podcast exists with two gay men just talking about themselves incessantly an hour a week? So we did it.

SPEAKER_04: 31:42

Um, but honestly, like John and I are like, we have a lot to say, and so if no one wants to listen to us, that's fine. We'll just say it to each other.

SPEAKER_02: 31:52

Yeah, you know, and then I think John like And what stemmed and what stemmed out of that was the fact that like, and if nobody listens, right? What a cool thing to have. Yeah. Um, you know, the kids will be able to see us and our thoughts and our beliefs. Um, and by then it'll be age appropriate, I hope. Maybe not. We'll see how it ages. I think it's whatever. That's just my I'm biased. Um, no, but and we also realized um something that we didn't even like set out to do is we found it to be something very therapeutic for ourselves. Absolutely. Yeah, it brings us joy on a day. We'll we'll we'll come into a podcast about how stressed we are about work or the kids or whatever it is that's happening in our lives. We'll get out of like recording and we'll just be like, God, I feel so much better. So yeah, it's for so many reasons.

David: 32:36

Yeah, the form of it kind of helps deepen your relationship in a way that you would not have maybe naturally uh otherwise.

SPEAKER_02: 32:43

Um we talk about things that we've not even talked about in our day-to-day lives.

Gavin: 32:48

Yeah. David and I definitely um uh we definitely get on the the studio, debrief our time. We have completely different personalities when we're debriefing reality, and then we turn on to performance mode, frankly. But it's uh it is cathartic and joyful and whatnot.

David: 33:06

No, the the personalities are the same, but the the content is a little, it's a little, it's way darker. It's way more like, I don't know if this could go on the show. But there the there is, I like all kidding aside, there is something to the best art, which is obviously your podcast on ours, um, to it always being it uh born out of like I wanted to do this thing, I love this thing, it doesn't exist, or I want it to exist with us. And so I just made it not thinking of like how can we market this to the most amount of downloads and make sure we leverage that for advertising dollars. Like, no, we're gonna do something great, and hopefully that stuff comes.

Gavin: 33:38

So in the mid-I mean, you just started your podcast just like what nine months ago, right? It's just been your passion project of 2025. Um, assuming it goes on, but uh what is your what's your favorite episode that you've had so far?

SPEAKER_02: 33:52

Well, I don't know. I have I I know that I think together Brian and I really found a lot of value and a really great piece of content out of the letters to our 12-year-old self project project that we embarked on. Nice. He wrote his independently. I wrote mine independently. We came together, read them live. I neither of us had heard them, and it was just really touching. It was really, really touching. What a great idea!

SPEAKER_04: 34:14

Something so therapeutic about writing a note. Yeah, you're writing a literally a letter to your 12-year-old self when we were all four of us were confused. We were all wondering what's happening with our bodies, why do I look at that person, man, differently? And we just wrote these letters, and it felt uh we did it during Pride Month because we like a good theme. Um, and I don't know, it like John and I definitely were crying and it was nice, and we kind of I don't know. That's our favorite, that's our favorite emotional episode for sure. Like that's our that's our baby.

SPEAKER_02: 34:43

But we have some like the the game show ones are my funny, my favorite funny ones where we we like do this is is it gay, is it gay stuff?

Gavin: 34:50

Yeah, those are my favorites as well. Uh uh we David, can we please start playing more games on our podcast, please?

David: 34:56

Can you yeah? Well, should we should we get our producers and our interns and all the people who work uh who are in staff for us to do that? Because you and I don't have time.

Gavin: 35:05

Do you guys have any help producing yours? Because it's a pretty well-run ship.

SPEAKER_04: 35:11

It is a pretty well-run ship because we are part of conglomerate called Ruiz Incorporated. No, it's just John and I like you guys. It's we are scrappy like you two. I think I think what's fun though, and like what probably what you two do is just pull each other's strengths where you can, right? Like David, you do everything, and then Gaben, you just kind of hang out. So like it works.

David: 35:33

But Brian, you're kidding aside, you actually hit the nail on the head. Gaben is ducking out of the camera right now because he's so embarrassed that he doesn't even show up sometimes. So they happen to.

SPEAKER_02: 35:44

Do you know those um TikToks where it's like, do you know those TikToks where it's like the husband, the wife's like, hi, I'm the wife, and I do this, and he's like, Yeah, I'm the husband. He's like, hi, I'm the wife, and I do this. That's me. I'm I'm the I'm the cut to Brian is the hi, I'm the wife.

David: 35:58

So now Brian's the bottom, got it. Um we take it. No, but I but you know, it kidding aside, podcasting, I think we all go into this with a like, oh, I have this idea, and so we'll sit in front of a microphone for an hour a week and we'll record it, and then we just upload it to the apples, and we forget that there's 10 hours at least of curation and organization and editing, and you do a really beautiful website and all the logos and all the it's a lot of fucking work for obviously a million dollars, which is what you know, I'm sure we're both. We're all in the middle of the year. Yeah, we're being funded for sure.

SPEAKER_04: 36:29

We're people are no, but John is uh John is giving me too much credit. John is uh good, he's our editor and he is our graphic designer, he is our creative director, basically. Um, I try and then he's like, I'm gonna go in there and fix it. And I was like, that's fair. Uh and then I'm kind of our like biz dev guy. Like, I could talk to Gabin all day long and like get us on this podcast and like let's have a kiki. So yeah, we're we work well together.

SPEAKER_02: 36:49

There's a great point that Brian like pulls up that basically we overlap too. Like where I where I fall, Brian picks up, and where Brian falls, I pick up. And I think that that just makes for a really great dynamic between the two of us.

David: 37:00

I love the idea. Oh, sorry. My neighbor um is saying hi. Oh, and you're like, I'm on, I'm recording a podcast. I was gonna say, I I I have a similar relationship with my husband sometimes. I'll be like, hey, what do you the red or the black? I think the red. He'll go with the black. I'm like, the red.

Gavin: 37:18

But you're wrong. You know what I mean?

David: 37:19

Like, like this this was just a formal ask of your opinion. I I knew I was going with the red.

Gavin: 37:25

I was just flattering you, just flattering you and being polite. So this is an excellent job interview. So we are definitely ready to hire both of you to basically do all the stuff that we can't do. So this is this is great.

David: 37:35

This was we can pay them 100% of our advertising dollars.

Gavin: 37:41

Have you guys um gotten in trouble at all with the uh with the pod? We're not that cool yet.

SPEAKER_04: 37:47

Yeah, yeah, I mean, most of our biggest, most of our biggest troubles have just been John and I fucking up. Like, we so John and I was in St. Pete, and John and I are like, this is gonna be amazing. We're gonna do a couple of things together and we're gonna like do some really stupid shit. John is a full on Disney adult, doesn't want to admit it. So we had his we had like an episode where he was coming out as a Disney adult. The audio was fucked up, haven't released that one. No. We like so we have some of those where we're like, we're probably gonna have to redo it. Um, but those are bummers when you're like starting a podcast and learning because we're like, oh, that one was good. And then John and I go back in and we're like, oh fuck it, we can't use it now. Yeah, you know.

David: 38:23

It is, it is we have we have a Gavin and I have a mutual friend that is like a real pro podcaster who makes obscene amounts of money. And we what I think what is like our third episode, Gavin. I forgot to hit record and we did an entire episode with an interview. Yeah. And I was telling her about it. She goes, babe, we all do that. It's canon for podcasters. You this everyone has to record it. Everyone has to do a big fuck up like that before you kind of get into it. And so I will never forget that. Like it was an hour of tape. Yeah.

Gavin: 38:53

What do you plan to do with uh the podcast going forward? What are your big plans for 2026?

SPEAKER_04: 38:58

Oh, that's such a good question. John and I haven't even really discussed it. We're just kind of going with it. John and I are just kind of like, we take it day by day. Well, we're having fun, but we're doing it in an organized chaos way, I will say, because I definitely have tricks for us where we're very organized. But I think what John and I have been good at is um we're kind of going with our gut. So like there has there was like literally like a few months ago, John had was in a relationship, he broke up, and we were like, let's hop on the pot and talk about it. Right. So like we're just kind of going. You're those guys, right? And I think because if we ov well, if we over-engineer it, I feel like the emotion gets stripped away. And sometimes I feel like that raw conversation that John and I end up having, whether it's funny or serious, I don't want to lose that. So as much as like we want to keep doing this, I see John and I doing this for years, you know, because we're gonna be making millions in the next few months, fingers crossed. Yep, but no, but we're having fun with it. And if we lose that, John and I have said we're no longer gonna do it. Whenever John and I have almost gone into some tiffs about this, we reset and we say we should never argue about this podcast ever. And so now we know Unless unless there

David: 40:00

Are two commas in our paycheck, and then we can argue because then it's worth losing a relationship over a million dollars. John, tell them what I made you sign.

SPEAKER_02: 40:08

So we'll know, and that's even that's hysterical because from the onset, we even like came 50-50 to the table. This was him and I. We signed a contract, and we have a contract that whatever happens here, it's split down the middle. We'll we'll get emotional on the back end, but the the parts that can get really nasty is just right down the middle.

David: 40:26

I get emotional in the back end too, but it's a different in a different way. It's a totally different way. But I have a really I'm really curious because you guys have a very interesting, you guys are set up in an interesting way to where this grass is always greener on the other side, as far as my kids are not. Is you get to watch it in real time. So I'm I'm curious for both of you, do you look at each other's childed or childless life with envy, with like, oh God, so glad I'm not doing that? Or like that that that's what I'm curious about because I often kind of maybe we all do as day parents, kind of like, God, what what would it be like to have four hours with nothing planned today? And then maybe on the other side, it's like, man, I'd really love to have my own kid. So tell me about that.

SPEAKER_04: 41:05

Uh, what do I think? Do I have envy for John? Yes, of course. I love I love John's life. I think he has a great life, and there's always envy there. But yeah, I agree with you, David. Like, it would be fucking nice to just lay in bed till 8, 9 a.m. if I wanted to. Oh my god. Like that alone. That's on my time. That's all.

David: 41:22

Do you ever look at the clock, Brian? And you're like, I've lived an entire life, I'm exhausted, I've got to do these three things, and it's 8 47.

SPEAKER_04: 41:29

I will be texting with John on the weekend sometimes, and John doesn't sleep in late, don't get me wrong. But if I'm texting John at 9, he's like, Yeah, I'm still laying in bed, I'm like, I have done four arguments, I have done two breakfasts, they are in the snack drawer about 80 times already, and you're just laying in bed on TikTok. Fuck you.

SPEAKER_02: 41:46

I'm hearing zero empathy. I am a plant father, they have requirements.

David: 41:51

Yes, you are a dad. Thank you. You are a dad.

Gavin: 41:56

You deserve that respect as well. 100%.

David: 41:58

Wait, hold on. I'm gonna show you something, John. Hold on.

Gavin: 42:00

Oh, I thought he was gonna turn around and show us his ass.

David: 42:04

I'm pro I'm propagating hydrangeas for the spray girl. Don't get John excited.

SPEAKER_02: 42:09

Don't get don't make me take my whole computer set up out there and show you my balcony garden.

David: 42:14

It's just like you showing all the pictures of your kids. You're like, this is Stephanie. This is Stephanie H. Stephanie R. He has baby books for his flowers.

Gavin: 42:25

Indulge our cure, our um our jealousy right now and tell us what's it like out in the field right now versus say 10 years ago?

SPEAKER_02: 42:34

Well, well, versus 10 years ago. Um, there are just many more places to take a shit online. Um it's so funny. Every time, every time a new app comes out, you think that they've like unlocked something new, and you're just like all the good guys have been hiding in that app.

David: 42:50

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Except it's the same people.

SPEAKER_02: 42:52

Yeah, it's like trying to clean like wax off of a shiny surface, it's just spreading thinner and thinner and thinner, and it never like comes up. You know what I mean? What a great metaphor. Um, so I'm out here shining wax. Uh-huh. Um sometimes in the fun way, but yeah. Yeah. Oh no, it's it's it's I I was actually thinking about it also in the context of like versus having kids or not. And it's just like hanging out with people who can wipe their asses or not, right? When I'm with the kids that can't wipe their asses, it's frustrating. When I'm with the men who can wipe their asses, they're acting like children, and it's frustrating. So we're really all just in the same fucking sandbox. I mean, it's so true. But John, do you want to have kids maybe someday? I really aspire to be a father. Um, you know, my relationship ended when I was 38, so it really put like just a uh wedge in sort of my ideological timeline of where I wanted to be personally. But I've learned on my own personal journey that expectations mean nothing, and so I have a lot of ways and a lot of time to still find fatherhood. Um, but in the meantime, I just spoil Kenzie and Ollie Rotten, and I get to enjoy that. And Brian allows me that proximity.

David: 44:02

So and you get to do that, and then you get to go home. You get to go home and sleep in. You can leave your computer out. It could just be out. Yeah, only without worrying about no, yeah, it could just be out, which is so amazing. No, I that is something I will say that I I learned by doing this show, and we're what are we, episode 122? 22. 122. No, 100 uh 123. Um, 100 but 123 episodes is that like fatherhood is a very big word, and it's not just I jerked off into a cup and some lab person injected. Like, there is so many versions of fatherhood that people find joy and success in, whether it be being an uncle or being a father later in life in a different way. Um, I think we all as dads wish we had had kids at a different time in our life, whether that means older or younger. I think everyone thinks the grass is always greener. But like when I'm on the ground and I have to get up seven times because they can't find it, and it's obviously right there. Um, these are 45-year-old knees. They're not gonna last much longer.

Gavin: 45:03

No, no. Well, John, spill some tea. Tell us about uh what tell us some of your best adventures with your uh niece and nephew.

SPEAKER_02: 45:13

Oh man. Well, you know, best times ever is when we're just together, just no agenda. We're in the house, we're at the house, the toys are out, the TV's on, the food's on the table, the food's in the kitchen being cooked. Like, I just love that feeling of normalcy, and and I take a lot of um great uh core memories from from those moments. But just getting silly, um, like listening to them laugh, uh trying to make them laugh, like just saying words like poop and just remembering how easy to be to just find something funny.

SPEAKER_01: 45:44

It's a great reminder of simple humor.

SPEAKER_02: 45:47

Yeah. Um uh I will say one, but I'll give you one, like when when because they can both be shits too. Like, don't let the rainbows, the rainbow sprinkles hide here. But Ollie, I'll I'll shit on Ollie because I don't have one, I don't have one for Kenzie. But um, and I love him very much, by the way. Both kids are but he's the second kid, and that's why he's the problem. Yep. But Brian and I break that dynamic because we're the second kid and we're the favorites, but I digress.

SPEAKER_04: 46:10

Um I agree.

SPEAKER_02: 46:13

Yeah, I thought you would. Um but uh Ollie turned uh Ollie's last birthday. We took uh Brian took him to this like exquisite arcade experience. They rented out this whole portion of the bowling, a whole bowling alley within the arcade, and uh with just upteen amount of dollars. I probably put like 60 or 80 dollars on like one of those swipe cards because I was like, fuck it, like just have at it kids. My parents didn't do that for me, and I wish that I they would have. So yeah. So we do all of this for them, and I'm gonna speed the story up also to say after all the prizes, all the tickets, all the candy, all the pizza, everything they wanted, they are screaming, we leaving, like without that, like we had just like ripped their fingernails out one by one. So it just puts like a good I'm gonna tell you that one in 18 years, buddy. Yeah, very, very related to that.

David: 47:01

It is amazing that like you could have a day where you do water park and roller coasters and ice cream and all the things, and then you you know don't give them the 37th bag of little um muffins, and then you're the worst father of all fucking time, and you should rot in hell.

Gavin: 47:15

Or uncle. Yeah, yeah. It's uh so John, you don't mind uh no, I'm the yes, I'm the yes uncle. Oh, you are? But when when you've hit your limit, though, are you able to you know discipline and say, well no, that's uh I've hit my limit and uh pipe down there, kiddo?

SPEAKER_02: 47:31

I think I think Brian has allowed and and yeah, I mean, we just know each other and trust each other enough. Um our moral compasses sort of align in many ways. And so um keeping them on the straight and narrow is just as important to me as it is to what Brian and Adam are both doing at home. And so, yes, there have been times where I've had to be more stern and less fun. But listen, the lessons are always there, and we make sure they know them. It's not like unfairness out of unfairness' sake. So unless unless I want the last pink starburst, then it's fucking mine.

SPEAKER_04: 47:59

So I mean, is there any other way to parent besides yelling? Because that's our household.

David: 48:05

No, no, and Gavin and I have found success, and we both um don't have a moral compass. It's like hard, really easy to align. Fail is evaporating.

SPEAKER_04: 48:15

Yeah, because when you first had these kids, you're like, I am gonna be the perfect father, I am gonna gentle parent, I am gonna love them. We're gonna make you know macaroni frames. This is gonna be great. Then they get home and you're like, fucking shut up. Like we get we had we had um our kids love boxes still, even though they're four and a half and six, and like they fight over who gets the bigger sized box that comes in the Amazon whatever, to the point where like Adam literally took both boxes and said, No one gets boxes, and he threw them out the door, and they literally looked at it on the floor in the yard, and he's like, Now go to bed. And they were both bawling, but he's like, I just can't take it anymore. I it's it's a it's a fucking box.

SPEAKER_02: 48:52

And Brian's kids, when they when that look that he's describing, it's it's like precious moments. Like, I don't know if you remember those figurines that we've had the big sad eyes. Yeah, I'm like, how do y'all turn that on? If you just would have just and I'm now I'm if I'm ever there and I'm the bystander, of course I feel really badly because they're parenting, and I'm like, I'm not gonna get in the way of that, but um and now I'm like, right, now I don't get macaroni, so I get mad.

David: 49:16

Yeah, precious moments. The the like throwing the boxes out, now nobody gets boxes, like that exact argument, not necessarily over boxes, but just the like, oh then fine, starve, happens every single day at our house. I was literally uh so we just moved to a new house where we have a large backyard, but then it borders the other neighbor's backyard, and we can kind of see right into their living room. So yesterday I bought these Arbor Vites and I was planting them back there, and they come out and they're like, Oh, you don't want to look at us anymore, like jokingly. But inside I was like, Yeah, I don't want to fucking look at you. But the truth was, I don't want you to have to watch me screaming at my kids all day. Because that's what happens in this house, in this house of homosexual, is me screaming at my children, feeling guilty about it, and then you know not being not being the model gay person.

Gavin: 50:02

That's the worst lie we're gonna say everybody thinks that we are. So what so Brian, tell us uh a shit story from the trenches. What's one of those times you will never get forget when?

SPEAKER_04: 50:13

So mine's actually a full-on shit story. Oh love it. Those are my favorite kind. No, um, I mean, when it comes to the gays though, shit doesn't scare us. But in this instance, um, basically we were potty training Kenzie, all good, and we were like eh, with it. Uh we could talk about potty training for days. Um, I was home with her when we were doing the whole pantless potty training where she was just, you know, walking around with a shirt on, um, with her vagina just hanging out. Yep. Um, which she'll probably do again in college. Um, anyway, so and so essentially I'm on a work call presenting to a client. And so she's at her table playing with her play-doh. All of a sudden I look, shit all on the floor. So I'm in this debacle now where I'm like, my daughter has shit on the floor and I am presenting to a client. I could do one of two things here. I can stop presenting and clean up shit, or let her play in it while I finish presenting.

SPEAKER_02: 51:06

I don't even know which way this goes.

SPEAKER_04: 51:08

I can't. There's no right answer.

David: 51:09

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04: 51:10

So I just shit on the floor then, too.

David: 51:12

No, just you're like, like, what is this? This is not gonna add any time to my cleanup story. Let's just see what it's like to shit on myself during a fight.

SPEAKER_04: 51:18

Let's just shit. So I actually ended up that I ended that conversation very quickly. I was like, guys, I was thankfully I need these clients. So I'm like, my daughter just shit on the floor, and I need to go take care of that. And she was literally right, literally, this was like a movie, like when you're running slow-mo and you have like a second, her foot was about to go down and smash it. And I got her just in time. But cleaning shit off a floor, guys, especially not after a fun night with a man, is very different.

David: 51:44

It's very different. And also, what I've learned with my own personal like shit, like those shit everywhere stories, is like I my is the first step is the hardest. I'm like, where do I begin? Right? Like, what what do I do I take her somewhere? But now I've got shit in my hands, I can't open the doorknobs. Do I clean up the floor? But now she's run away into a different room, and now that now that's compromised. Where what is the first step of this program? Because I totally I I remember we went to my mom's house in Florida um for Christmas, and my I we walked into my son's room, and it's it's like you open the door and it smells like the eagle, and you're like, oh God, what happened in here? And you realize he has shit, he's played with the shit, but he's played with it in every nook and cranny of the crypt to where you're like, This, we just have to burn this at this point. Yeah, there's no there's no cleaning this. I mean, John actually did that as a kid.

SPEAKER_02: 52:33

I I did when I was two years old. I got locked in my room and I said uh over my dead bunny and it shat all over the walls. I sh I sure did. I showed up.

Gavin: 52:46

Well, on that shitty note, um John and Brian, um, thanks for demeaning yourself and coming on our stupid little podcast here.

David: 52:55

You've been a delight. Thank you.

Gavin: 52:57

Speaking of podcasts, where do we find you? I hope I did the right amount of salesmanship, but uh I'm sure that you're found your show. Where everybody where Michelle Obama's podcasts are found and where Gatriarch's is found. But any secrets to getting to through to you guys?

SPEAKER_04: 53:10

No, we're trying something more innovative. You can find us on really any AM station on radio because that's like the new wave.

SPEAKER_02: 53:18

And if you send one dollar and we'll send you a cassette tape recording of this.

David: 53:22

Yes, yes, a burn CD.

SPEAKER_04: 53:24

That's and it might come carrier pigeon. Um, no, we're available on outloudandlaughing.com. We are on your Spotifies, your YouTubes if you want to see our ugly faces, because we are there. Follow us on all the socials. You know, we're trying to do all the things because we just like looking at ourselves.

Gavin: 53:43

Relatable, relatable. Well, thank you for bringing your uh cute little faces to us. And uh and we'll be out there. This frenemies this frenemieship is gonna go far.

SPEAKER_04: 53:54

We're gonna do we're gonna do bad things in this world together. Oh, yeah. This isn't over, guys. We're gonna continue this.

SPEAKER_02: 54:00

Not over yet. And I'm gonna come back with a child, and you're not gonna know where it came from.

David: 54:03

Yes, yes. You're like, this mom wasn't even looking at the playground and boink. Yeah. Fatherhood.

Gavin: 54:09

Fatherhood. Thanks, guys.

David: 54:13

So, my something great this week is uh about me and only me. And I hit my 200-day streak on Duolingo for my Dutch course, and I'm very proud of myself because you know, you think like, oh, it just takes like five minutes a day every fucking day. And it is a ton of fucking work. Um, and I still think I don't speak any Dutch, and then every once in a while, some be like, How do you say this in Dutch? And I think, oh, I can mostly say that. So I'm very proud of myself. So uh something great this week is I hit my 200-day streak on Duolingo.

Gavin: 54:47

You should feel great. I feel great about that too. But will you please just give us a sentence of some kind? Just titillate us all, make something great for us by telling us some Dutchness.

David: 54:59

That means I speak a little bit of Dutch.

Gavin: 55:01

Little Dutch. Yeah. Even I could have figured that out.

David: 55:03

Hudemorcha. Means. Good morning.

Gavin: 55:07

Even more.

David: 55:10

It sounds like Guten Morgan, right? Because you're right next to Germany. You just do the with a G.

Gavin: 55:15

I am looking for Dick all day long.

David: 55:20

Ick. Look for dick all day long.

Gavin: 55:26

My something great is also all about me. Yes. Uh this week, um, so my daughter is um doing some new clubs. She's in high school. Oh my god. And she's trying out some new stuff, which I'm really proud of her for doing, like spreading her wings and exploring stuff. Because I would say I'm I shouldn't I she's often reticent to do new stuff because frankly, doing new stuff is scary, right? The other day she went to a club informational meeting. She got in the car, she said, I am not doing that. I'm not doing that. She gets home later. She's like, I'm so not gonna do that. And David, guess what? She fucking greatest.

David: 56:00

I kept my mouth shut. Not possible. Not possible.

Gavin: 56:05

I did not fight her on it. I didn't make sarcastic jokes. I didn't lecture her on how she needs to think about the future. I kept my mouth shut. And in that awkward silence, she said, I'll give it another try.

David: 56:23

You won, Gavin, you won parenting. You won it. You won teenageness. It's all about you shutting your mouth, honestly. And that that's that's that's the that's the secret to this podcast is when you shut your mouth, amazing things can happen. And that is our show. If you have any comments, suggestions, or general compliments, you can email us at gatriarchspodcast at gmail.com.

Gavin: 56:45

Or you can DM us on Instagram. We are at Gatriarchspodcast. On the internet, David is at DavidFmBahnEverywhere, and Gavin is at GavenLodge at the stake.

David: 56:55

Please leave us a glowing five-star review wherever you get your podcasts and send Gaven Lodge a dick pic.

Gavin: 57:01

Thanks, and we'll burn you at the stake next time on another episode of Gatriarchs.