The one with nosotros

This week, doctors want David's advice, Gavin's kids are too cool for Halloween, David recaps the Men Having Babies conference, we rank the top 3 most inappropriate Halloween costumes for grown ass men, and we remind all of our listener about our upcoming Halloween party with the Queer Family Podcast!

Questions? Comments? Rants? Raves? Send them to GaytriarchsPodcast@gmail.com, or you can DM us anywhere @GaytriarchsPodcast

Transcript

Gavin: 0:00

Wait. Are you ready? Yes, but I have no idea where my windows are here. I've got to I mean I I am not bullshitting. I have wait, what am I recording on? I'm recording on Chrome. Um and I have a chicken climbing in here. Get out of here, chicken! I still have no idea where these windows are.

David: 0:23

And this is Gatriarchs. Gavin, one of the things I do a lot on this show is I complain about something repeatedly and I don't change anything about it. So I want to bring something like that up. Yeah.

Gavin: 0:47

Because that would be way too productive. We are nothing if not hypocrites. It's more fun to complain. Can you imagine your life without something to complain about?

David: 0:55

Well, that's unimaginable. This podcast would be about eight seconds long. So I went to the dentist because my son has shark teeth. Do you know what shark teeth are?

Gavin: 1:05

Baby shark teeth. Baby shark shark teeth.

David: 1:12

Um, do you know what baby like shark teeth are?

Gavin: 1:14

I just assume super sharp um canines or something.

David: 1:17

No, it's when the new tooth grows in behind the like the baby tooth before the baby tooth falls out. So you have like a second row of teeth.

Gavin: 1:25

I mean, we we are nothing, if not America's finest news source.

David: 1:29

Yeah.

Gavin: 1:30

I did not know that, frankly, I didn't know that existed. Yeah. And that it has a very, very technical name.

David: 1:36

Yes. So my son had this, and we called the dentist, and she basically said, let it sit for a couple weeks. If his front tooth doesn't fall out, come in and we'll have to probably extract them. So nothing happened. So we go to the dentist. And the dentist basically says, Well, there's two options. We can extract them, like we can pull out the front teeth, or we can just let the teeth fall out naturally and just be way later. Um, what would you like to do? I said, ma'am, I have a degree in musical theater from Florida State University. I am not qualified to cross the street alone, let alone make medical decisions. I feel like every doctor in my life constantly says, What do you want to do? And I have to constantly remind them I am an unemployed homosexual who should not be trusted with such decisions.

Gavin: 2:27

What the homosexual has nothing to do with your inability or general ineptitude in life. You are just plain that. You know, that goes beyond just doctors, though. I have to say there are specialists in my professional life that sometimes say to me, What do you think you should do? And I'm like, I'm literally paying you to tell me what to do. I do not know in this circumstance. If you want me, if you want me to give you advice on a calling my children bad names and feeling really bad about it, to unfortunately behind their backs, but so they hear it, I have plenty of advice on that. I have plenty of advice on, yeah, tap dancing and raising chickens. And none of it is very good advice. But I agree with you entirely. This happens to me all the time.

David: 3:09

I can't, but like I just, I I it must be an insurance issue because I feel like culturally this is new within the last 10 years, where I'm getting doctors constantly asking me, well, what do you want to do? And I'm like, I don't want a decision. If if I feel strongly about something you're recommending, I will speak up. If you say, I think we should pull the teeth, and I go, Well, I don't know, you know, then we can have a conversation. I'm I just want you to tell me what to do. Also, my son is like quivering in the chair because he's like, Am I gonna get my teeth yanked out by this woman today? Or am I gonna get to go home and have a lollipop?

Gavin: 3:39

So and it all and it all based is based upon my daddy making the decision for me, which also makes him quiver.

David: 3:46

It would be my daddy with a with who does musical theater at Florida State University.

Gavin: 3:50

It's it's insane. It would be kind of sad if you didn't have that natural, that, that, that benchmark moment of parenthood, though, of losing the first tooth. Is he just on his first teeth? He hasn't lost a single teeth.

David: 4:02

Yeah, he hasn't lost a single tooth yet. And of course, all his friends have multiple teeth missing. Although one of those shark teeth front teeth, the baby teeth in front of the shark tooth, is super wiggly now. And he's obsessed. He's like, when is it gonna fall out? I want it to fall out, I want it to fall out. Um, so I don't know. I was like, oh yeah, well, one of your body parts is gonna fall out, and a stranger is gonna come to your bedroom at night and take your biological material from you and leave you a dollar.

Gavin: 4:25

But if he so I mean, it is October right now, and uh theoretically you could have two open front teeth, and he could, you know, be really cute for Christmas, that that's all he wants. But you're saying that his shark teeth are already coming in. So he'll go from having teeth to having teeth. He won't even have gaps.

David: 4:43

I mean, they have to like move forward into the gap, so it's gonna look a little like meth head from Florida for a while. Um, but uh I think it'll be fine. Which your opinion on that matter is actually quite well educated. So expert. I'm an expert. So I obviously chose not to do anything because it was the cheaper option. But she did say she goes, it's fine, just let it fall out naturally as long as he's not in pain. So but and you didn't have a coupon that day for it, so correct. And I do, as we know, I am a discount queen. I do not pay full price for anything.

Gavin: 5:10

Um speaking of queens, um, I see on the outline here you want to bring up a topic that I read as cake anal a G.

David: 5:18

Uh, what is cake anal a G? Well, I was actually gonna have a really nice smooth transition before you ignored me um and interrupted me. But uh, yes, uh speaking of beating dead horses, which was gonna be, you know, I'm Gaben, you know I'm obsessed with this chasm between parents where the young parents are tired and exhausted and want space, and then the older parents are like, just you wait. Um, right, uh uh you'll miss it. Y'all gonna miss this, right? And like I'm obsessed with this battle because I am like, somebody is not translating this. Like, what is happening? And I I've come to the conclusion that it's mostly the older parents have dumped a lot of the trauma and are just keeping the cute little moments, right?

Gavin: 6:00

And have for come have forgotten everything. Our memories are sieves, we don't remember any of it. We do see babies in the in the checkout aisle and think, uh, I could do that again. And in reality, you could you cannot do it again.

David: 6:14

Especially at 50, Gavin. But um, so I I realized I think the best yes, the the best way I could describe it. And I don't know why I keep trying to figure out the best way to describe this, is a is it's an analogy using cake. Imagine somebody says, guess what? You can eat cake today, and you're like, fuck, amazing. Let me eat some cake. And then the next day they're like, here's some more cake, and you're like, great. And it's like day 15, and you're like, I think I need a break from cake. And they're like, no, you have to eat cake now. And then one day you're eating cake and you're so full you're about to throw up, and somebody says, Here's more cake. You have nothing to do but eat cake, and you eat cake constantly. And then this guy walks in and he's older than you, and he goes, Yeah, I know you're tired of eating cake, but just wait. One day you're not gonna have any cake and you're gonna wish you had more cake. And then somebody shoves cake in your mouth. This is what it feels like. It feels like I recognize cake is delicious. I recognize that if this is taken away from me in three weeks, I will be desperate for a slice of cake. But I am slipping into a diabetic coma right now because I have had so much cake and I can't appreciate it because I don't have space from the cake.

Gavin: 7:20

What moment this week threw you over the cake ledge to make you make this anal a G? Were you in a were you in a playground? Did was there some meltdown with your kids? Like what on earth made you deliver this? Bake this fancy metaphor.

David: 7:39

Well, first of all, it's the weekend, so it's 24 hours a day for two days of non-stop kids. But B, I'm solo daddy for the next four days. And so I'm overwhelmed with trying to find clever ways to get in a different room than my children. And my children are outsmarting me. And when I say, like, hey, go play with these toys, they're like, Great, they go get the toys and they bring them next to my feet while I'm doing dishes. And so I was just having this like, I want them, oh I don't want them touching me.

Gavin: 8:07

And the and the sound of my daughter going, Daddy, daddy, and I'm and screaming.

David: 8:13

And I go in there, I'm like, what? She's like, my chapstick is weird. And I'm like, I will push you in front of a bus. So I was just thinking about it because I know I know I harp on it, because I I want older parents to understand what we're still going through. And I want us to find a way to make it happen. Because obviously the solution is to bottle it up. But you can't bring your cake with you. Once you're once they're 18, they take away the cake. You never get to it again until your grandparent.

Gavin: 8:38

Yeah, you barely get to have any cake ever, ever again. Um, I think that um your metaphor is it's nice and cute and everything, and you're just gonna have to make peace with all of it. I mean, it does kind of remind me of um, or does this remind me? Oh, yeah, yes, yes. I was thinking about the way uh you're you're being whined, hey daddy, daddy, and it's just complete nonsense that's coming out of their mouths. I had a little bit of a tiff this weekend with my daughter where um I asked her to clean the toilet. It it is her, this is her year of toilet cleaning. Um my son cleaned it for two years. This is her toilet era. She's in her toiletta era, we'll call it. Um, and I can't wait to tell her that because we have because of our septic system, because we live out in the countryside, um We know.

David: 9:21

We heard the cold open where chickens were literally wandering into your recording studio.

Gavin: 9:26

They were they were very, very upset. But um anyway, she was she just conveniently didn't clean the toilet before about 75 times that I made the request. And then when she did, and or rather, finally by the end of the day, she was so exasperated with me for making the request for the 750th time. She goes, Can I just get a break? And I'm like, from what exactly? What is oppressing you in your life on this casual Sunday where you had almost nothing to do, and now it's 9:30 p.m. You've already taken a shower, meaning you stood next to the shower toilet and stared in that toilet that you did not clean. Anyway, but my point is nothing except that can we get a break? And I'm like, you know who needs a break is children in Kiev. They need a break. Wow. Way to bring it to a dark place. Wow. Children in my household don't need a break. They need to uh get with the plans.

David: 10:26

Anything else you want to talk about with Israel or Palestine or Charlie Kirk? Do you want to mention anything like that? I almost did say Gaza, but um Um wait, speaking of not Gaza, um, I watched a TikTok and it was talking about how you should never ask your kids more than twice. And it was like you ask them the first time, and if they don't do it, you ask them the second time. And if they don't the second time, and then you throw their bet out the window. You throw their bed out the window, or you take the thing away from them, or you cancel the outing or whatever. And it was like really adamant. And of course, my brain, all of our brains, who's listening, all of our listener right now is thinking, yeah, but then what about the 25-minute tantrum afterwards? What about ruining the weekend at grandma's or whatever? Yeah. And literally I opened the comments, top comment with a billion likes was like, yeah, but what about the 25-minute tantrum afterwards? But I decided now that I'm solo dad, which we've talked about before in previous episodes, where it's almost easier to be a solo dad because you're almost almost easier. I'm trying it. So I told the kids, I sat them down and said, This, these next four days, when it's just daddy, I will ask you two times. I will ask you the first time, I will touch your hand and then remind you the second time and remind you if you don't do it, what is gonna happen? And 70% of the time they have fallen in line, but the 30% of the time they haven't, I have taken the thing away swiftly and calmly, and they've lost their goddamn minds. Uh-huh. But I'm holding on to it because, you know, when I'm a solo dad, sometimes it's easier to deal with some of these meltdowns. So I'm I'm I'm sticking with it for this this four days. So next week will check back in with me to see if I have gotten any more gray hairs or left my family completely.

Gavin: 11:55

Um, this is a really great dad hack of the week, by the way, is the ask twice and then go nuclear. But um, I mean, you know what? I'm gonna take that as a personal challenge. I am not going to because the bat excuse me, bedrooms, part of their chores, were neither of them were cleaned yesterday, like they're supposed to be on Sunday. And um, and I asked them 75 times. And so I have been thinking, how am I gonna deal with it today when they get home from school?

David: 12:20

And it basically says, let me just tell you what the framework was. It was basically like, make sure that you do it very when you take away the thing, you're super calm, you're not angry, you don't raise your voice. And the other thing was make sure that they understand that this is a new change because after the second time, I will not ask again and you will lose the thing, and there will be no negotiations, but I will do it kindly. And it was basically saying, You're good, you're gonna get meltdowns, but the kids push and push and push to see where that line is, and that's what they're chasing after. So your kids are chasing after that line, and at 75 times it's still not happening. So now make a hardcore. You, you and your husband are gonna be at the third time, when it's the third time, that's it.

Gavin: 12:59

But but in still beating this dead horse, because we're good at that, what would you do? Which is when they put it off all day long and they say, No, I'll get to it later, no, I'll get to it later. Then when do you when when do the repercussions come on because suddenly it's 9 30 at night and it still hasn't been done? And so then I'm left with either I'm gonna take away the thing tomorrow, which of course always means a phone, and then we have a meltdown at night. Like I should have just said that's too far away.

David: 13:26

I think you give them a time. You say you need to do this by noon. And then at 11:30, say, Hey, it's 30 minutes till noon. If it's not done at noon, you lose your uh TikTok tomorrow. I am so lucky to have you as a mentor, David. Said literally nobody ever. You know what's wild? I am a mentor at multiple organizations, and every time I show up to them, I'm always like, Do they know I'm a total fucking moron? Do these people know that I don't belong here nor anywhere?

Gavin: 13:55

The only people who don't belong there are the ones who don't question whether or not they are total fucking moron. Because the rest of us who do that, you're the people that you're my people. So speaking of nothing, it's um, it's yo, it is October 1st.

David: 14:10

I am finally becoming the fullest version of myself.

Gavin: 14:13

Your basic pumpkin spice lattes.

David: 14:16

Wait, Gavin, look what I'm eating literally right now. I'm gonna hold it to the camera. Can you see it?

Gavin: 14:21

Quest bar. Everybody, it is a pumpkin pie quest bar with 20 grams of protein. So first, take your shirt off and let me see your abs. Yeah, right.

David: 14:30

No, thank you. They're pumpkin abs. No, the pumpkin abs. But like I am fully fucking embracing it. You know, if you've been listening to the show for five seconds. I am a basic. I want I want a chunky cable net sweater, ugh boots. I want to be holding an oversized cup of pumpkin spice latte, standing out on the balcony, looking out at my Airbnb. Like, I want the basic white woman life. Like that is my dream life, and it's finally coming true. The leaves in my area are starting to change. People are starting to put out their spooky stuff. We're gonna start putting our stuff out.

Gavin: 15:00

Oh honestly, it still feels early. But you know what? In the um pumpkin spice life um, basic bitch vibe that you're talking about. A friend of mine years ago said it was her favorite season because it was Han Solo season, and there were all these pictures of women on the sidelines of football games and stuff dressed basically like Han Solo. I feel like that isn't brought up enough. Or maybe that was just very 10 years ago that the Han Solo season was in.

David: 15:28

Oh no, I see it everywhere. You're talking about like the black leggings with the yeah, the ug boots. High boots.

Gavin: 15:34

Well, high boots and a vest. Like white underneath with a black vest, and then your Han Solo.

David: 15:38

Lots of, lots of tans, lots of, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's it's totally that time. But I'm I'm super into it.

Gavin: 15:43

Uh so are do you already have your plans, your your grand plans to wow your neighbors with your outside diorama of spookiness?

David: 15:52

I do. So I am a fan of really fucking going for it in the Halloween yard, but I don't, I'm not a just throw as much shit out in the yard person. I'm not a every inflatable designer. I must I I'm telling a story. I'm telling a story with my yard. And every year I try to do something wacky and crazy. If you ever want to see it.

Gavin: 16:12

You have new neighbors. You can just recycle your old ideas this time. And so that's what I do.

David: 16:17

I hope not, because I am going to recycle this year only one time because I need a little bit of space because we just moved in. We don't know what we're doing. So I'm going to recycle the dolls um uh motif. Now, if you haven't seen any of the stuff, go to my Instagram at DavidFM Vaughn, and I have posted a video every year of what we've done in our yard for Halloween. It's basically a line of dolls, like all bleeding from the mouth, walking, and they're carrying a dead body out of the house. So it's like this long line of dolls, which I sourced for a year at various like garage sales and stuff. So um, I'm gonna be doing that again. Um, but it's gonna be new. I don't know if this neighborhood does trick-or-treating. I've already bought 30 full-sized chocolate bars for the trick-or-treaters. Full-sized.

Gavin: 16:58

Oh, you're that guy.

David: 17:00

You're like the gays moved in. We want to make sure that we don't get hate speech. Yeah. So we're gonna buy big kind of, but also what I've learned is that giving if when you buy like the little minis and you give them like a big handful, it's actually more cost uh uh efficient to give them just one. Because at Costco, you can get a box of 30 or so for like$17 or something. It's like crazy.

Gavin: 17:22

30 what? Just basic Hershey bars?

David: 17:25

Or so there's like a full-size Kit Kat, full-size Hershey, full-size bag of peanut MMs, regular MMs, and full size uh like the double um uh Reese's cups. So I don't know. I think that's a solid door thing. And also it's just like the scoop, it's like who gets the bigger scoop, whatever. So we're excited. I don't know who's gonna come to my door. I don't know if this is a neighborhood where we can even walk around or if we're gonna have to drive where all the rich white people live. Um so we'll have to figure that out. But what about you guys? What are you guys gonna do for you know what?

Gavin: 17:53

I am already stressed about this because I wonder how much we've actually grown out of it, which is so depressing. That's so my daughter. Well, I know last year my daughter said, I think next year I'm just gonna go to house parties. And I'm like, the hell you are. Uh I don't know what the fret the first year high school students do. I know what the fourth year of high school students probably do. They get finger banged in somebody's mom's townhouse. Or in the back of a station wagon. Yeah. She does exist back at SUV. Anyway, um, I have no I this is the first year in the last 13 years, maybe 12 years, that my kids don't already have a plan. Uh, we have no costume planned, we have nothing planned. Isn't that so weirdly about Vaughn Humbug? I find Halloween really exhausting, though. So I don't know.

David: 18:43

It's more sad, but it's but it's more sad. It's like it's a normal part of growing up, is right? Like you're too cool for it, you just want to go to the parties. You know what? Along the line. I would be very sad when that happens.

Gavin: 18:51

My daughter is uh just recently turned 14, and she said the other day, she doesn't know what she wants. All she's asking for for her birthday is a puppy. And we're like, you're not getting a puppy. And she says, Well, that's the only thing I want. And if you don't get me a puppy, I'm gonna jump off the roof. And we're like, okay, drama queen, can we not be quite so extra? But she did say the other day, I feel like this is, she said it in a really snotty way, I feel like this is gonna be the first year that I think this is the lamest birthday of my life. And I was like, guess what, darling? You're now on the cusp of realizing that birthdays aren't the magic that they were when you were eight. This is just a reality, you know? Like, what do you get? It's not even the thrill of clothes, it's kind of like, well, I really just do need some new socks and I don't care about anything else. So we're entering a phase of lack of magic, frankly. And because birthdays get to be kind of like just underwhelming, you know?

David: 19:42

Yeah, yeah. Especially after 50. Um, so uh speaking of Halloween, I just want to remind all of our listeners we are going to throw a Halloween party for families in conjunction with the Queer Family podcast this coming Saturday. Not this coming. Saturday, October 25th from 4 to 6 p.m. at Sugar Mouse NYC. For those of you who are mad because we're doing another thing in NYC before any of the other places, we can't fly to Jersey for the one listener. I'm sorry. Like we literally can't do that. Also, you didn't invite us to Jersey.

Gavin: 20:16

And we would consider it. I don't know, David. You're thinking very negatively. I think with the growth mentality, but hey, Jersey is not inviting us, nor is Oregon.

David: 20:24

I feel like we get one download a week from Jersey the country. So I think I know who it is. But it's uh Saturday, October 25th, 4 to 6 p.m. at Sugar Mouse NYC. It's gonna be it's like an arcade bar where you can, you know, you could order bar food and have like adult drinks.

Gavin: 20:38

A very sophisticated Dave and Busters. Think of it that way. Oh, that's a good thing. Very sophisticated. Yeah. Yeah, it's a what they've got drinks and bar food and our kids style games. They've got big old projections all over the walls. It is super slick. It's really cool. We will have candy for kids. Hey, are we gonna get like the full-size bars? Do you think?

David: 20:56

Fuck our listener. I don't want to give them. I'm just trying to impress the people in my neighborhood. I don't give a if you listen to this podcast, you don't deserve a full-size candy bar. You deserve a medical intervention.

Gavin: 21:05

And I am not in trying to uh impress you with anything whatsoever.

David: 21:09

But no, I'm kidding. We'll we'll we'll give something really cool to kids, and we'll we'll be obviously socializing with all the other queer families and a listener of the other podcast. So the eventbrite is in our bio.

Gavin: 21:18

So hey, will you please uh go back and give us a like on Instagram, first of all, and click on the bio and you'll be able to sign up. It would be nice to know how many people are coming. I mean, we know it's gonna be overwhelming. We're not exactly gonna need a what if we do need a bouncer? That would be sweet. And what if the bouncer was hot?

David: 21:36

That's what I was literally just thinking. Do I want like an unhot, scary bouncer, or do I want a hot bouncer? Because, right, you can't have somebody in the middle. You want somebody either that you're going to like try to hit on or you want somebody who legitimately scares you. Um anyway. But we hope to see all of you listener there. Um we're gonna be there dressed in some sort of costume, who knows? Um, and uh speaking of other events, I this past weekend gave in was a speaker at all about you, isn't it? Babies conference.

Gavin: 22:05

Oh, sorry. I well, I talked right over the most important part there. Yes.

David: 22:08

It was the Men Having Babies. You usually do, Gave in. I'm constantly doing it. But I went uh Men Having Babies, for those of you who don't know, it is a not-for-profit organization that helps kind of gay men educational, yeah, navigate like how to become dads, how to adopt, how to do surrogacy, how to do it surrogacy um uh ethically. And it's it's really wonderful. And they're really well known for their like weekend conferences. They do one a year in New York, they do it in Brussels and San Francisco, and they're all over the place. It is how we started. We started our kind of journey with going to one of these conferences and because we didn't know anything about surrogacy. I was like, I don't know, I didn't know anything about adoption. I literally thought it was like adopting a pet where you just like pay 50 bucks and grab one out of a kennel. Like I didn't know anything.

Gavin: 22:52

Sometimes, David, you say enough shit that makes you look bad in general, but that sometimes you don't need to aim, you don't need to aim even lower.

David: 23:01

Yeah, yeah, no, that's pretty bad.

Gavin: 23:02

And but furthermore, men having babies as well. Um they've been partners of ours. Um, and we've interviewed uh the founder here and Ron.

David: 23:09

Yeah, Ron was on one of our episodes a while ago, and he was an amazing partner. They they partner with us for the the listener meetup um in Central Park and they in Central Park. So we love them, and they they were very gracious, and they asked me to come for two days, and I I did two panels, and it was just it was it's really fun to be amongst other people that you share this common thing with, this desire to have a family in this way. And you're the elder and the mentor, so they all look up to you. I'm devastatingly young to be a dad, as we know. Uh, but yeah, it is. It's like you, you're I'm sitting up on the stage. First of all, I'm on the stage with five other people, right? And they go down the line introducing themselves, and it's like, hi, my name is this, and I'm a high-end lawyer. I'm this huge doctor with six properties. I am a state assemblyman, and they're like, and you, and I'm like, I host a podcast. Like, I felt like such the redheaded stepchild of this panel because these people were incredible and they were so smart.

Gavin: 24:04

Um, and I'd you were lucky enough to be represented there, which is pretty amazing. That what were you what do you think you were there for?

David: 24:10

Comedic relief or I mean, I certainly made the room laugh. I, you know, these conferences are a lot about data and information, and there everyone's kind of hoping to one day and price tags, and so it's there's a lot of kind of like palpable stress in the room. And of course, I swoop in and I start talking about how my kid was calling me an asshole this morning because I took away his treat for the evening. And I took, I told them the story about like the dirty diaper with the wiping them with the napkins, and and so I was definitely cutting up the room, and I realized, oh, maybe I am here to just break it up a little bit because I'm certainly not here for my smarts or my, you know, let's talk about ethical surrogacy. But it was really fun to be up there, and I I appreciate them inviting me. But one of the things I heard a lot of, oh, go ahead.

Gavin: 24:54

And please, well, maybe I'm jumping the gun, but um uh going by your bullet points, please tell me, did you get a huge round of applause when people said, Oh, Gatrix, oh Gatrix! Wait, that's what he looks like! Oh my gosh, I've been listening to him for years, literally.

David: 25:09

You know how like when you leave, I can hear the crickets in your in your area where you record. It was the loudest crickets ever heard my entire life. I was like, I host the Gatrix podcast, and it was like it was like I was at the I was at the event horizon of a black hole where all light and sound was being pulled to us. You didn't not even this. No, not a single person. Although I did recognize some listener that had come to our meetup who were in the room. So I know I know there were people who do the show, but it was funny because afterwards there was this big like drinks and you know socialization. And everyone who came up to me was like, Oh, yeah, your podcast sounds so fun. What is the name of it? Not a single person came up to me and was like, Oh my god, I've been listening since day one. Everyone was like shocked that this this podcast existed, which was hilarious. And also fully our fault because we don't do any sort of marketing or public. Right. Um Hey, we're still waiting for that intern to reach out to us.

Gavin: 26:03

Yeah. I think I feel like a few weeks ago, we were like, can somebody please help? Listener is not helping.

David: 26:09

No, listener's not helping. But um, I I wanted to go over some of the like stuff that I heard consistently, which I thought was interesting for us as like leaders in this comedic gay space, which is one is most people came up to me and they were like, because I had talked a little bit about like the the like the real hardcore numbers of surrogacy, because they kind of paint pictures of like, oh, it could be a hundred thousand, it could be two hundred thousand dollars. And I was like, I couldn't afford that. I had to coupon queen my way through it, and I paid about sixty thousand dollars. And they were like, wait, can you tell me more? And so people really wanted to know if our show would do a deep dive onto like the brass tax costs. Now we have a little bit talked about that, but I thought maybe that's a thing we can kind of go back to.

Gavin: 26:49

We haven't focused on it. That's it, it's always kind of buried in the middle of another conversation. So that would be helpful, yeah.

David: 26:56

But I think it's because also we are more of a podcast for people who are parents to kind of commiserate about that stuff. Um, I also there was a a no-named person who was was telling me, you know, they're in the surgosy process and they're very excited. Um, and they were, you know, they were stressed out a little bit about the process, which as we know is very stressful. Um, and then they said they said to me, I said jokingly said to them, and I said, yeah, and then once you have your kid, you get to stress out about having kids. And he said, and I quote, oh, I don't think having kids will be a problem at all. I have many friends with kids and I'm around them all the time. And so, mystery guest, I want you to reach out to us after your lovely children are born. Um reach out to us about eight months after they're born. And I want you to come on the show and tell and defend yourself.

Gavin: 27:48

Just not really the problem. And defend yourself.

David: 27:52

And then the last thing I want to say about men having babies, um, we've we've uh Ron, who is the the hair, the head of uh Men Having Babies, came on uh, I don't know, 10 episodes ago. So you can go back and listen to that episode. Um, but one thing that I didn't know happened, and I was invited to, again, why Gavin, I do not know. But there was about 10 people invited to this private backroom meeting. And it was this big table and it was this logistics meeting between the and again, every person in this room are the biggest leaders in every sector of the United States. It was it was incredible.

Gavin: 28:24

I was so embarrassed to be we could all afford to be sponsors of Gatriarchs and actually blow us up so that we have more than one listener.

David: 28:31

Correct. And they were basically talking about because you know, men having babies does this kind of educational outreach thing, but they also do a lot of political kind of lobbying. They're trying to help change laws when it comes to ethical surrogacy in the United States and all that kind of stuff. So they have this like political arm, and they've been working on things, and it was this meeting of like strategy of how do we get these particular laws changed, you know, New York State, you know, the equitable um IVF mandate. There's there's a lot of and it was listening to like head of an insurance agency talk to the head of a I was literally like, I think this was a I don't know if I should work in here. No, I did, I did, I feel like I did participate in the conversation, but what the reason I bring it up to our listener is that men having babies, and they're not, they don't sponsor the show at all, but I they are working so hard behind the scenes that we see for all of these legislative purposes. And it was just really impressive to watch these brilliant minds come together and find strategies and and and the stuff I heard, I was like, oh, this is why nothing gets done in the world. Because there is, you know, this because you work in politics, there's 400 checkpoints to get a bill through to Congress.

Gavin: 29:43

So uh, but the fact that they use their platform to bring together these minds to actually try to affect change is pretty awesome. Because they could just like charge people 50 bucks to come to the uh conference or whatever it is, and just like not try to affect change. So the fact that they're doing that is really awesome.

David: 30:00

It's incredible. Yeah, it was so I was very thankful that I was invited. And I if I've met you there, hello, welcome. If you're a new listener because you met me there, hi, welcome. You will be disappointed in this show. Um lastly, I want to talk about um another listener. What? What did you want to say something?

Gavin: 30:16

I had such a good transition from leaders affecting change.

David: 30:21

But if you want to go back to if you want to go back to daycare. No, I'm gonna skip it. I'm gonna move it or move it to next week. Yeah, yeah, all right to next week.

Gavin: 30:28

Well, guess what? Speaking of leaders making change, even if they are in not no longer smoke-filled rooms with a bunch of gay men in the background making decisions, I want you to know that there is a teensy, teensy bit of good gay news out there. Okay. Wow. I know. You ready? We haven't had gay news in a while, not because, well, it's basically because everything's really shitty, right? But I want you to know that two senators are bringing back the 988 um suicide prevention hotline. And in particular, they're doing it with specific funding for youth, um, excuse me, LGBTQ plus youth access, specialized access for queer youth. And it's coming thanks to uh Senator Tammy Baldwin, gay Senator, and Lisa Murkowski, Republican. And they are doing a bipartisan sponsorship of bringing back um again, funding for queer youth in the 988 um uh suicide prevention hotline. Isn't that great gay news? Yeah.

David: 31:28

I mean it's I thought I thought you were saying it ironically, like you were saying, great gay news, just kidding, we lost all our rights.

Gavin: 31:33

No, not yet. Not yet. But speaking of speaking of losing all our rights, Amy Coney Barrett, who is obviously on the Supreme Court, was interviewed this weekend on, I don't know, uh Face the Nation or, you know, one of the Sunday morning news shows, because she is, of course, she wrote a book and she needs more money because she's on the Supreme Court and needs to write a book to, you know, get her opinions out there. But uh, she was asked specifically to respond to Hillary Rodham Clinton's uh warning to all of her gay friends to basically be like, hurry up and get married and be careful because they will probably roll back gay marriage. And Amy Coney Barrett said, uh, we just have to shrug off those people criticizing the Supreme Court. Now, I know that she was dodging the answer, but let's hold her to her words, huh? And just say, Amy Coney Barrett, we are relying on you to shrug off those people criticizing the Supreme Court because we know you know what is the right thing to do, and it is certainly to maintain marriage rights for frankly everybody, but in this case, especially for the gays. Um, but my postscript to that is I've just realized Amy Coney Barrett's name absolutely reminds me of something else all the time. And do you have any idea what that is?

David: 32:52

I only because I'm looking at the outline know exactly what you're talking about. And I have for sure thought about that.

Gavin: 32:57

For a listener out there, there's a really, really great musical called um the 25th annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, in which there's this adorable character who was played by Jesse Tyler Ferguson in the original cast called Leaf Coney Bear, and he has severe ADD or ADHD, and he goes, he's very, very distracted in the show. And when he steps up to the mic to spell his words, he goes into a trance and whatnot. And it's just really funny to think of Amy Coney Barrett as Leif Coney Bear's, you know, doppelganger on the Supreme Court. Um, let's have a mashup of that sometime. And also Jesse Taylor Ferguson, how about come be a guest on our show, huh? Okay. You already gave us a dad hack of the week, but I had another one. So since I already wrote it down, let's look at it. Um, you know, uh, I thought this was genius. I overheard somebody actually saying this um just this weekend. They said that um, because they have kids who still wet the bed, and I am assuming these are children under, well, who knows? No judgment. No judgment. But uh they tend to put on multiple layers of mattress covers and sheets up to three at a time, so that you can just rip it off in the middle of the night and keep going. That never occurred to me.

David: 34:06

I we got that, I don't know where we saw that, but we did that, and it's a game changer. You literally do mattress, mattress, I mean, uh uh cover, mattress protector, cover, mattress protector, cover, mattress protector, and you just rip through. However, make sure you have really good mattress protectors, because what we've had some cheap ones where it's soaked through all three, and you're like, fuck, I gotta do it all again anyway. Yeah, but yeah, get really good ones, and that's absolutely because middle of the night when you have to turn on lights and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah.

Gavin: 34:31

Yeah. Oh my God, I'm so glad I'm through those days. My children do not wet the bed anymore. But there was a time, oh god, every single night. And we started, we started having to uh set alarms on our phone, talk about a um uh dad hack, so that we would not allow our children to drink anything after four o'clock in the afternoon, which seems really bad.

David: 34:53

Or the other alarms where you have to, like we would do when they were potty training, we would set an alarm to wake them up to pee, usually at midnight and 4 a.m. We would wake them up and walk them into the bathroom. That too. No.

Gavin: 35:03

And have them be completely asleep, holding them up, helping them pee, putting them back to sleep. Oh man. Anyway, and finally, last week, I think we gave really short shrift to our uh DILF of the week because we just on principle gave it to um Jimmy Kimmel, who deserves all the things, plus he's hot. Love that beard. Uh, but let's go back to who it was supposed to be had the um Trump administration not stuck their heads in there, right? Wait, your husband is kind of Jimmy Kimmel vibes.

David: 35:35

Now that I'm realizing it, there's a little bit of Jimmy Kimmel there. So, okay, anyway. Sorry. All right, yeah.

Gavin: 35:40

Uh Tom Daly, he is just such a little pocket gay, and he's so cute, and all he does is spread joy throughout the world with his speedos and his knitting. And so Tom Daly, he's got wait, is it one or two kids? I guess I should have brought that information, but anyway, whatever. He's a gay dad, and he's obviously um our doof of the week. Any thoughts about Tom Daly?

David: 36:03

Uh he's just he's gorgeous, love him, full support. End of list. However, he's just a little twinky for me. Like it's just that like the hairless, lean twinkie is just not.

Gavin: 36:15

I think Gatriarch is a Twink free hating zone.

David: 36:18

No, no, we're tweak friendly here for sure. Twink, we love twinks, we love dares, we love wolves, we love otters, we love it all. But it's just like like if I if you're if you have him next to Jimmy Kimmel. Jimmy Kimmel, I'm gonna go for Jimmy Kimmel. It just like, but no hating. No hateful.

Gavin: 36:33

I agree, I totally agree. Tom Daly is not my cup of tea, but I think he can be our dilf of the week, okay, hater. Wow. I talked to the dilf of the dilemma.

David: 36:42

I didn't say he couldn't be the dilf of the week. What the fuck?

Gavin: 36:45

God, this is the worst. Clearly not yours, but it's the he's the show's dilf of the week.

David: 36:50

Alrighty. You know what the show's dilf of the week is not? This is not a good transition. What? Our top three lists. Gate three arcs.

Gavin: 36:58

Top three list, three, two, one.

David: 37:01

Wow, that was like so bad. And I was like running them in my head. Anyway, um, this is your week. This is your week because you really thought about this list.

Gavin: 37:10

I really did. I really thought that.

David: 37:11

I didn't have to cut out 20 seconds of silence.

Gavin: 37:14

So this week is the top uh top three most inappropriate costumes of for Halloween for grown ass men. Now, I'm a little anti-um dressing up anyway, because I'm just a bah humbug about when it comes to Halloween stupidly. But I um but I did find a list of really inappropriate uh costumes for men, and boy are they. Now, this is not a visual medium, obviously, but um I'm gonna describe them to you, okay? Okay, so number one for this list is basically just a dress.

David: 37:48

Number three. Kevin, it's episode 124. I'm still watching it. Number three is called one bronze, silver, gold.

unknown: 37:57

Continue.

Gavin: 37:58

Number bronze is the big bikini babe adult costume where a man would just be dressed up with a full body suit with really, really, really big breasts and really big butt and a bikini. And it's disgusting. And but furthermore, it has a wig that goes with it, justifying the name the Rasta Impasta. Oof. Yeah. I think that's pretty inappropriate. That's inappropriate, yeah. Uh number B or two or whatever. Is um the breathalyzer costume. It is a box that the dude puts over his body, uh, and the breathalyzer is at dick level, and it says blow here. And I'm I don't care who you are or how hot you are, or if you're even naked under this costume. Strong choice. It's just so unclassy. All right. Hard hard disagree. Continue. Showing my full judgment. There is also number one gold A level um inappropriateness is the snake charmer costume where a dude puts on A, a turban, questionable there, dresses up in some kind of, you know, Arabic rap, and the big ol' snake comes straight out of his crotch.

David: 39:14

I uh what if what if he's doing a play on Voldemort? Can he wear the turban if he's white? If he's playing Voldemort, okay. I believe he can. All right, cool. What about you, David, for this random talk? All right, top three inappropriate Halloween costumes for going ass men. Um, number three for me, a sexy angel. I I don't care that you have cute little wings and a little diaper and like white sneakers and you're barely wearing anything. You're too old for this. Stop it. Um, number two, sexy Mario. I know you and your boyfriend want to go with sexy Mario and sexy Luigi. Sexy Luigi. And it's it's just so cute. You're not gonna wear a shirt, but you're gonna wear the the the red shorts. You're Too old for this. Stop it. And number one, sexy smurf. First of all, it's not sexy to be a smurf. Second of all, you're too old to be shirtless for Halloween. Third of all, you didn't paint the blue to the edges. Every time you reach up in the air, I can see on your waistline where you didn't paint the blue. You didn't go all the way to your hairline because you don't want it to get in your hair. It's it's a it's too much. You're too old for this. Stop it. Bravo. Um and next week. Next week. All right, we're gonna go. What are the top three hottest Halloween movie characters?

Gavin: 40:39

Oh, nice. So yesterday, as we know, I'm a churchgoer, right? Oh, uh thanks to Steve. Thanks to Steve Young coming up and talking about 12 men following Jesus around in the desert and being kind of gay. And uh anyway, uh, my daughter had was asked to give the children's message yesterday, which meant she had to think of something profound to inspire little children with. Well, I can hear shock.

David: 41:08

Chickens in the background, Gavin. I think it's amazing. Sorry to interrupt your something great.

Gavin: 41:12

Coming inside, I love it. This chicken is walking around my office, and it's just very word.

David: 41:18

There's lots of cock in Gavin's office, is what we're saying. Yeah.

Gavin: 41:22

Yeah, exactly.

David: 41:23

So anyway, your daughter was at the cult meeting. She read something from the cult meeting. She was at the cult meeting.

Gavin: 41:28

But I I we you will be shocked to know that we put it together about three minutes before church church. Oh, we were in the car frantically, but she was so locked in and so focused. She's like, Dad, we gotta get this done. And not only was she driving me to say, um, okay, let's figure this out, there was no panic. It was just, let's, dad, lock in, let's do this. And then eventually I was I helped her craft it. And by the end, I was giving her the like the wrapping up sentiment of it all. And it was very nostalgic and cute about like, you know, bridging divides between strangers and whatnot. And she was like, Dad, this is gonna bring like tears to the audience. And I was like, not in a Jesus-y way, but in a dad, you are so poetic with your words.

David: 42:18

So no, I was rolling my eyes at both the religious part of the and also great game.

Gavin: 42:23

But my teenager didn't my teenager didn't think I was a dick with zero talent this weekend, and that is my something great.

David: 42:32

Um, so my something great is also my child, which I don't normally like to do. I like our something great to be more useful to our listener, like an app or a movie, but or TikTok. Or a TikTok. But um, my son, uh, so they uh my son's elementary school had like a movie night the other night. And um, we, you know, you bring a blanket, they play Lilo and Stitch, they have food trucks, it's like super fun. And so we all went um with uh my daughter as well, who is not at Emmett School. And so we get there, and of course, he sees all his friends, they're all super excited, they're just running around together. Well, my daughter wants to hang out with him, but she's so the annoying little sister. And she's just an you know what I mean? Like, not because of, I mean, she is annoying, but also like she's the little kid and he's with his older kids, and yeah, yeah. Yeah, he was magnificent with her. He let her come with them. Every time she cried because they ran off, he ran back and said, Come on, you can come with us. And he like really, like earnestly wanted her to be included with the older kids, which of course she was just so over the moon about it. And it was just one of those moments where like your kid earnestly does something without you, good. And you're like, Oh, that must just be in them because it didn't threaten them with you know taking away their iPad to do this, they just earnestly did something.

Gavin: 43:49

Has nothing to do with your integrity.

David: 43:50

Oh my god, no. Oh, not at all. And you're like, oh, there is some good naturally inside this child. And you know, it was just a nice little heartwarming moment.

Gavin: 43:59

And that's our show. If you have any comments, suggestions, or general compliments, you can email us at gatriarchspodcast at gmail.com.

David: 44:07

Or you can DM us on Instagram. We are at Gatriarchspodcast on the internet. David is at DavidFM Vaughn everywhere, and Gavin is at Gavin Lodge on I Have Chickens. Please leave us a glowing five star review wherever you get your podcast. Thanks, and we'll cock a doodle do you next time on another episode of Gatriarchs.