The one with Family IT guy Ben Gillenwater

This week, we recap our Halloweenies, all boys in theatre are gay, how to rewire your lizard brain, we rank the top 3 politicians who'd make great ex-husbands, and this week we are joined by triple threat of our dreams Ben Gillenwater, aka "Family IT guy," who talks to us about how to keep your kids safe on the internet, how to have just the right amount of paranoia, and the real way to get abs.

Questions? Comments? Rants? Raves? Send them to GaytriarchsPodcast@gmail.com, or you can DM us anywhere @GaytriarchsPodcast

Transcript

David: 0:00

Gavin is at Gavin Lodge Lost. Please leave us a glowing five-star review wherever you get your podcasts.

Gavin: 0:08

Thanks.

David: 0:08

And look, I I was just I I don't I couldn't quite piece that together. In the moment it whatever. We're still not good at this. We're still not good at this, Gavin. And this is Gatriarchs.

Gavin: 0:36

So tell me everything. How was the Halloween party?

David: 0:40

Um, well, it was great because you weren't there. Um it's just bullshit. Um, no, it was really great. We we had our Halloween party that we had been barking about for for weeks and weeks and weeks, and we went to Sugar Mouse NYC. First of all, driving to the city in traffic through through fucking downtown was insane. But it was super fun. Thank you, listener, for showing up. Thank you, listener. One of my favorite parts of the evening was the the playlist we had put chosen was like family Halloween vibes or whatever. And kids bop, if you don't know what kids bop is, it's like kids singing pop songs. So they like re-record pop songs. And if there's a bad word, they'll you know they'll rewrite it out. But it's like literally children singing these songs. And Pink Pony Club came on, and I just had a moment where I'm listening to children sing about strippers, and then all the kids at the party are like dancing with their hands up, and they're like, Pink Pony Club. I was like, there's something really fucked up about watching all of these children sing about being a stripper and being proud of it. But um it was super fun. We did our little catalog, we handed out candy, we played games, there was lots of tears. There were some babies that well, there were some like crawly, like up toddlery adjacent ones. It was it was a lot of fun.

Gavin: 1:59

All dressed like pumpkins with the little pumpkin top on top of their head.

David: 2:02

You absolutely know it. Um, but thank you, listener, that for coming out and thank you, Jamie Kelton from the Queer Family Podcast for co-hosting with us. Um, yeah, it was a great time.

Gavin: 2:12

Were you proud of your uh skeleton jammies costume? You know, it always slaps, as the kids don't say anymore.

David: 2:20

It is always it's so comfortable. I'm gonna wear it uh today. Um, it is just so because we're recording actually on Halloween tonight. Happy Halloween. Happy Halloween, even though you're listening to this four days after Halloween. Yeah. Um, but yeah, no, the skeleton onesie is a classic. It's uh easy off, no makeup. It's fantastic.

Gavin: 2:37

And were your kids uh bedecked in their costumes as well?

David: 2:41

And was that a success? It was sort of a success. We had uh my son has just had decided what he wanted to be for Halloween, which was Spider-Man. We ordered a Spider-Man costume, he put it on, he loved it, loved it, loved it. And then when it was time to put on costumes, he burst into tears. He said, I hate Spider-Man, I don't want to be Spider-Man. Why would you buy me this costume? What is wrong with you? You're a terrible guy. And so he decided that he was gonna put together a pop star look, which was like vaguely K-pop demon hunters, with stuff we have kind of in the bin of costumes, and he was very happy with that. So he was a good pop star, um, which he didn't look like a pop star, he just looked like a kid in a sparkly jacket with a microphone, but whatever. Um, so he has yet to wear his Spider-Man costume that we that we bought. Okay. So that's pretty fun. That's pretty canon.

Gavin: 3:26

And and maybe your daughter can in two years or in a year. Yeah, if she's not in prison by then. Well, what was she uh dressed as?

David: 3:33

And what kind of hell did she put you through? None. Oh, well, actually, technically, yeah. So she was she wanted to be a gray kitty, and she was a great kitty, and she loved her gray kitty costume. And I was like, listen, that's what I want. However, there's a photo I think we're gonna post today, which was four days for you all. This is really weird recording out of time. But um uh when we I went up to the stage with Jamie to like, you know, make announcements and and get things up, but she burst into tears for whatever reason. I don't know why, and she refused to stop crying unless I was holding her. So I had to like hold her sobbing as I'm trying to like run this like party. So that was really fun. So she put me through that shit. But otherwise, she did weigh her wear her costume, and so it was it was a success.

Gavin: 4:14

Um, do you um you probably recall me bragging about my son's utter creativity with uh Halloween costumes, you know, from being a goat. Yeah, who what three-year-old chooses to be a goat to being a jar of minced garlic, to being a stop sign, etc. Yep. Tonight, despite the fact that he is 100% that boy and just soccer, soccer, soccer, this, that, and the other, and just like very conventional, don't look at me. I just want to kind of like be a uh awkward boy in the background. He's going as a container of TikTok, Tic Tacs. Oh, he's yeah, I I'm uh I'm stoked for him to still to keep that uh those creativity vibes uh going. And then my daughter, I don't know if she's trying to be a sexy bunny or a um uh men in black or she's bit various things. I don't understand what it is, but I'm just happy that she's still playing along with Halloween vibes because it's fun, you know? Yeah, absolutely. Um, so speaking of my daughter, just a couple of days ago, she she and I were talking about her complete in disinterest in uh doing any theater at school. I think I've talked about this before, right? I don't think that this will be another one of those hills that I die on, but uh I do wish that she would give it a try because she's so critical of theater kids, which I know is just a reaction to us, without a doubt. She's just being a rebel, right? But I was asking her about some of the boys in it, some of the girls in it, da da da da. And she made a comment like, well, you know he's obviously gay. And I'm like, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait. What are you talking about? She's like, Well, all boys in theater are gay. And I'm like, wait, wait a minute. You're like, first of all, yes. Second of all, second of all, no. But I thought, wait, you can't make those gross generalizations. And she said, uh yes, I can, as if she has license to make all of the, like, you know, just out anybody that she chooses to coming from the family that she's in, right? And I'm like, wait, wait, wait, you can't make a generalization like that. That's absolutely not true. I certainly do know straight men in theater. We have had many of them on Gatriarch, right? Yes. And then she goes, Well, I don't necessarily mean entirely gay. I just mean they have a little zing in their step. At which point I burst out in laughter. And I'm like, and there I completely agree with that. Completely agree.

David: 6:32

There is even the straightest man in musical theaters got a little sugar in their tank, just a little spice, just a little something. Yeah.

Gavin: 6:39

That and so her term for that was just a little zing in their step. Okay. And uh, and I'm okay with that actually now. And I I'm like, I hope you do think that that is a good thing. And then she was offended that I would question it. She said, of course it is. So the level of um the ways that I offend my daughter, I still confound me, but I did think that that was a hilarious um interchange we exchange we had because um, yeah, there is a little something to be uh zinging your step. And frankly, it makes you more interesting, right?

David: 7:10

Yeah. Uh so this week uh I wanted to talk about rewiring your lizard brain because I've been going through this thing at my son's school where he's been kind of getting in trouble with his teacher because he's been not focusing, he hasn't been responding to his name. When they when they move from the carpet to the desks, he's always the last one. It's it's it's in that general vibe, right? He's a little flighty, he's not paying attention to me. Um, he's been getting in trouble. And now it's to the point where he's like, We need to do something. And okay, my initial instinct was fuck you, my son's perfect. I'm burning this house down, right? Like sure. And my my calm, rational husband was like, we need to rewire our lizard brain and think thoughtfully about this, you know, because that's that's him. He's he's the you know.

Gavin: 7:55

Um, but if he perpetually rewiring his brain, I mean, do you think he even has permanent connections up there, or they're just always moving around?

David: 8:02

I just think he defaults to a calm, it's not the worst case scenario. He's insane. Do you know what I mean? Like that's a terrible that can't can you believe walking around thinking things are just okay? That sounds awful to me. Um if you'll if you fall for anything, you'll fall for anything. Correct. So um he he was like, you know, let's let's give them a chance. They're trying to help him or whatever. Um, but I I was just thinking about how we as parents constantly have to override some of our uh like initial instincts to things. Yeah, our base instincts, without a doubt. That's yeah.

Gavin: 8:41

It's another level of just trying to get along in society and walking around in the world thinking I need to repress my initial instincts. But as a parent, a hundred percent.

David: 8:50

And I was thinking about like, I don't know if you're aware, Gavin, but um politically our country's in a little bit of a tough spot right now. And is this is this the time? Would you like to unpack that? Yeah, sure, totally. Um, but you know, uh my instinct is always to have my children see and participate in the realities around them and my life. And so I am vocally active and we uh politically and and constantly sharing my opinion to every crazy person on the street corner. And then I have to kind of rewire my brain and say, hold on, while I want him to witness reality and witness me fighting for what I believe in, I also have to protect his innocence in a complicated world that he doesn't quite fully understand. And I feel like I was thinking about, I was like, we should bring this on the podcast as a conversation topic of like this, you know, wanting your kids to watch you fight politically and to have opinions politically and to do all those things, but also protect their innocence. We talked about this last year too, but like I don't know, I've just it's just been a theme for me lately of this like, wait, wait, wait, don't don't go there immediately. Let not let don't let them see that part of your brain, even though you want them to be able to see that part of your brain.

Gavin: 10:13

Yeah. And you want them to be able to have natural reactions to things, and and you don't want to repress their feelings and emotions, but I mean, so much of it also is about just plain manipulation, right? Like by repressing your base instincts, what you're doing is playing mind games with everybody from your husband to the teachers to people on the street to your children, you know, and uh realizing that you don't get what you want often by just exploding and screaming or being reactionary. You do need to like play the game a little bit to get what you want. And uh, I mean, I do that in work all the time, where one of my colleagues is like, listen, you can't rationalize with people anymore. And I shocker, I'm sure, want to rationalize constantly, both my my own behavior and but get to a rational conversation with people who completely disagree with me. And I probably am delusional enough to think that I can get there if just listen to me for a little bit. Let's just have a rational conversation. So you started on the. I know that that's I know that that's very, very difficult. And frankly, mind manipulation is better. And uh think looking at it from a different perspective, just like your much smarter, better half probably would say.

David: 11:37

Yes, and and and my my lizard brain was reacting so poorly in this situation with my son because I was like, this is so unfair, there's nothing wrong with him. How dare you overreact? And you know, all these kind of things that I'm having to like, no, it's it's probably not that. But what I would what what I want to say is that part of this community, the Gate Chart community, and all of our listener, I think we all can agree that it feels so good when you feel so crazy like that, and then you get confirmation from another parent that no, your kid is not broken, your kid is not the only one. My contractor basically was telling him this story about my kid getting in trouble, and I was feeling shitty about it and defensive. And he was like, Oh, look at the email I got today. And he lets me read this email on his phone about how his son did something way worse, way worse than my son. And I was like, Oh, I feel so much better. And now I'm back to the center. So, all of you listener out there, if you're feeling like, oh my God, is my kid broken and I'm so nervous and what am I doing wrong? Just find another parent and ask them how their kid is doing today. And they're probably doing way worse than your kid.

Gavin: 12:40

That is the kind of one-upsmanship I can always sign up for. Let me let let's outdo each other and what the level of asshole ishness from our children. Um, were you visually and mentally undressing your contractor as you were talking about that with him? He's so hot. I forget, is this a hot yeah? This is the hot.

David: 12:58

I swear up and down, he's also a great contractor, and that is not why we hired him. But I cannot say that I don't stare at him with like hungry eyes, as Duran Duran would say. Is it Duran Duran who's sang that song?

Gavin: 13:11

No, definitely not. But it's no, I think it's um uh Patrick Swayze from Dirty Dancing. I think that was one of his songs that he sang. He sang he sang, I think, two songs on the Dirty Dancing that uh we're breaking 40-year-old news here on Gatriarchs. Also, she's wind through my trees. No, so actually, not speaking of news just yet. Yeah, yeah, pretty positive. Go ahead and Google it while I bore you with my next topic. Um, wait, so speaking of um hot guys and listener, um, I did want to say that, okay, so I was not at the Halloween thing because I was in France, and I didn't want to make that a humble brag. I have family there, and frankly, they paid for me to go. So I uh I was lucky to go have a family reunion that came out of uh tragedy, yada yada, yada. But I was in France. And I want it, I want you to know that I flew over Jersey, the island of Jersey. I flew over. I took a picture of it on my phone. I'm definitely gonna post it and say, hi, listener, in Jersey. And I thought, oh wow, did you know that the capital of Jersey is St. Helier, or probably Saint Helier? No, no, they speak English there. Never mind, it's Saint Hillier.

David: 14:27

Our listener is so offended by your pronunciation of their home, the place where they're raising their children.

Gavin: 14:34

So I uh was very excited that we flew over.

David: 14:37

So then speaking of wait, sorry, I have to interrupt you because I I have an information about our this this just in. This just in hungry eyes, sung by a singer named Eric Carmen, not Eric Cartman. Eric Carmen. Um, however, she's like the wind. Patrick fucking Swayze. How you not know this? You're welcome. We're breaking really recent and relevant news here.

Gavin: 15:06

Eric Carmen um had a lot of hit. He's like the background singer of a lot of movies from the 70s, and don't date me because I said that. I just remember that he sang a song called Gavin. Yeah, he sang a song called Turn the Radio Up for the sweet sound. Let me go. Keep this feeling alive, make me lose control. I loved yep. I loved that song when I was in third grade or I don't know, maybe in college, who knows? Uh okay, so speaking of breaking news of the week, there is, guess what? No good news in the world right now, right? But I dug deep and found some stuff to be very happy about, all right? First of all, um, according to a referendum, gay couples in South Korea will now be counted in the census. Okay, how great is that? That's great. South Korea leading the way and making sure that they um, you know, married couples will be counted as one, which probably means that the government will just come after them with more taxes or something like that, and unfortunately will undermine them. But nevertheless, hey, representation matters, right? And um uh also Eric Botcher, which definitely makes me think, you botch, right? He is uh in the New York Assembly and he's running to replace Jerry Nadler, who has been there for count it, 18 uh terms in Congress, which means he's been there for um 36 years. And uh so he's finally stepping down. He's the congressman for uh frankly most of Manhattan, I think. And uh anyway, Eric Botcher, who is, of course, a friend of Dorothy, broke all fundraising records with a one-day haul of$683,000. So it's exciting that he's running for Congress and hey, more representation, right? Speaking of representation, I'm gonna have a brief interlude. This is our commercial break during the news. Um, while I was in France, I was not in a I wasn't in Paris, and I wasn't in a particularly progressive area, and but I walked in with the woman I call my French mother. We walked into a uh uh boulangerie, and they had cake toppers, like things that you put on top of cake, right? And there were unicorns and this, that, and the other. And there were um right up front and center were two dudes, two men as a cake topper. Okay. And I pointed it out to her, and she's like, wow, this is not Paris. It was very um.

David: 17:23

Were they just roommates, maybe?

Gavin: 17:25

They they might have been, but they were definitely both dressed very dapper. And then again, it's France, so everybody's dapper there. But uh I thought that was actually, hey, that was good news of the week for me, also. That how look at this. Because we were in the middle of nowhere in Normandy, again, not the most progressive area, and that was pretty cool. Um, and I thanked the woman. I I said to the boulangerie woman, hey, I just want to thank you for the representation. And I'm like, how do I say this fluidly without looking like a crazy person? Because I've certainly uh my French is good-ish, but anyway, and she was a little taken aback, but then she said, Yeah, I think love is important. I said, Yes, enjoy. Anyway, it was a great little moment. So finally, though, getting to the back to the news, my favorite part of the news is you might have heard, especially because of your fascination and obsession with the Netherlands, right? All over my indeed.

David: 18:14

All over my own.

Gavin: 18:15

Do you want do you want to be the one to deliver this news?

David: 18:18

No, please, please do, because I will be bringing him up later.

Gavin: 18:21

First, okay. Well, so first of all, um, there was a far right party that they were very afraid that the far right was going to take over control in the Netherlands, like they have in, well, many places in the universe, including our neighborhoods. But um, luckily a centrist, not exactly the the Zoran Mandani of the Netherlands, but the former, I believe, climate minister or environmental minister, Rob Jetin, which, David, would you please tell us how to pronounce that in Dutch? I would probably say Yetin, but like I actually don't know. Yeah. Rob Yetin is poised to be the next prime minister of Netherlands, and he is gay as the day is long and hot. High SV as anything we want to be lying.

David: 19:04

High S V Lecker, which means he is very delicious. Um, he is so gorgeous. You he is he is so he's he's born line uncomfortably hot. I was texting with my um Dutch friend literally today. Oh, wait, previous uh guest of the podcast, Darren Wilson. Um we were we were texting this morning about it, and um, we were both talking about how like he's great, he's he's you know, he's very talented and he's very smart and he's very experienced, but he's so hot. He's so so so so so hot. So yes, congratulations. Well, the votes haven't been counted, the coalitions are still not together, but like it's looking really nice. And you know, the Netherlands is a little bit of the canary in the coal mine for as far as like Europe and politics and stuff. So everyone is hoping that this is a beginning of a a tidal shift um in Europe of like, let's not fucking because the the far right party guy, if you go go look at videos of this guy, it's like somebody is. Cosplaying Trump poorly. He wears the suit. Like I'm going to send you a video in a second, uh, Gaiman. He wears the suit with the red tie. He's got the dyed orange hair in the face. It looks like he's like no, it is wild. It looks like he is it looks like he's cosplaying as Trump. You know what I'm going to do? Actually, on Gate Shark's um Instagram account, um, I will have posted because I'll probably post it today. There's a video of them two arguing, so you can see them both, and one honestly, so you can see the hot guy. Um but it's weird. It it is it is a weird visual like style that is like Trump's. But anyway, congratulations, Rob.

Gavin: 20:38

Yeah, well, while it looks like that, not all of the votes have been counted. We can be damn sure. Um, and I am declaring this absolutely the doof of the week. That is Rob Yetin, because yeah, we need more Rob Yetin in our lives. So thank you, Dilf of the Week.

David: 20:55

You know what we don't need any more of in our lives? Tell me. These top three lists.

Gavin: 21:00

Gatriarchs, top three lists, three, two, one. So this week was my week, and how on brand is this? Just going along with the political hotness scale, right? I said I proposed the top three politicians who'd make great ex-husbands. And as a little extra explanation, it's not that you'd want to marry them. I mean, cuz come on, all of those egos. Do you really want to be a political spouse? You just want to slide into their ballot boxes a little bit, right? So number three for me is Adam Kinzinger. You know who Congressman Adam Kinzinger is? He gets a lot of, you can click right there on my outline right there. Um, he gets a lot of uh a lot of hot points from me because he is a Republican who was served on the January 6th commission. So not only was he actually super hot in that militaristics, like really daddy military.

David: 21:54

Yeah, he's got he's got like Air Force, like topics. Totally.

Gavin: 21:57

Yeah, yeah. But also he actually stood for something and sacrificed his own career to uh serve on the January 6th commission. So he gets my number three for sure. Number two, Emmanuel Macron of France. I mean, just just come on. He's just so classically French and dapper, and there's lots and lots and lots of speculation of his sexuality, but you know what? Let's leave that out of it. Um, he can be who he wants to and be married to any person of any age that he wants to. Both of those guys, by the way, 47 years old, which is interesting. No kidding. No. Oh, okay. Might be my target age range. Oh my god, I'm chasing, I'm just cradle robbing. Chasing your youth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Number one, um Justin. I was like, wait, what the fuck is his first name? I had a brain fart there because I'm so old and I'm chasing chickens. Uh, number one, Justin Trudeau. Because obviously he is just it's it's it's almost easy. I'm glad I went first. Uh Justin Trudeau, who, by the way, he's 53, so he's more your age. I I hear is dating Katy Perry? Yeah. Have you heard that? That's yes, which is very weird. To go down very weird.

David: 23:11

Like it's just yeah. Oh, I I don't know. It it yeah, whatever. Listen. But Katie Perry has been a little she's very Jesus-y. This is why we stopped watching American Idol, which I I know. Listen, it's so like cliche, like, but like I liked American Idol, like I enjoyed that that show to watch. We we had literally had to stop watching it because it was like every other thing out of those judges' mouths where everyone was like, Oh yeah, thank God for this, and God gave you those. I was like, what are we doing? She's like super gaudy now.

Gavin: 23:38

Yeah, well, no, she grew up, she's the daughter of uh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, of a preacher or something. So obviously she went to the extreme other side, but um, yeah, she's a little weird, but yeah.

David: 23:48

All right, anyway, what about you, dude? All right, so I uh I have an explanation of why I wouldn't want to marry them for each of them, and they're all different because I couldn't quite figure out this theme. So, number three to me, Rob Yetin. Now, here's why I wouldn't want to marry him. He first of all, he's gorgeous, hot, hilarious, smart, Dutch. You know what I mean? He's the D66 party, 69 party. Um but he's got his his partner is so adorable, and they have if you look at his TikTok feed, they do like silly videos together. I would never break up that marriage. So that's why I wouldn't I would not want to marry him. So number three, Rob Yetten. Number two, Pete Buddha Judge. Oh, I mean, come on. I want to take him out back behind the Walmart and and and impregnate him in a way that I cannot explain. However, he's too centrist for me. I don't think he is the right person for us right now. I know. Okay, I I he's such a reach across the aisle guy. I I think we're so far beyond that. We're two decades away from that. And um, I don't I wouldn't be able to have political conversations with him because I I would feel him going, well, let's hear what the other side has to say. And I'd say, Fuck the other side.

Gavin: 24:58

He does such a good job of taking the other side down though and disordering everybody.

David: 25:02

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I I but I just couldn't marry him. That's why he would he would not be my husband.

Gavin: 25:05

And number one, as I as I was Googling this um just seconds ago, hot uh politicians, because obvious, um, it does look like he is number one in polls right now. Of course, it's number one in my poll.

David: 25:16

Um, and number one, I think the reason why I couldn't marry him is obvious. And I think the reason why I want to fuck him is very obvious. Josh Hawley.

Gavin: 25:27

I yes. I you know what? I wasn't brave enough to put him on my top proud of it.

David: 25:33

Oh, you know, I'll go there. I'll say the worst possible things on the internet and tell it and have all of our listen listen. We all know why. We all know why. So, number one, Josh Hawley. Enough said. Yes, yes. You win. Um, so next week, our top three list is gonna be who are the top three people you would not answer a phone call from.

Gavin: 25:56

Today's honorary gatriarch is like the triple threat of all Gatriarch's dreams through smart social media, good parenting, and hot abs. He is a massive influencer in the keep your kids safe online sphere with a big old following, um, having much more substance than well, David and I do at Gatriarch's. Um, he's got the parenting values down, he's got he's bringing advice we can handle, and his family owns a chain of gyms. So, like he's seen a lot of locker rooms, I bet. Welcome to the pod, family IT guy, aka Ben Gillenwater. Ben, how did your kid drive your bonkers today?

SPEAKER_00: 26:38

Oh, that's a good question. So okay, I have one yesterday. So, so he's got an Apple Watch, and it, you know, I like when he wears it because we can keep in touch, but we have a rule. It's either gonna be on your wrist or on the charger. Because if it's not on your wrist or the charger, it's gonna disappear.

SPEAKER_03: 26:58

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 26:59

Yesterday he took it off his wrist on the school bus. It's gone.

Gavin: 27:03

Oh, jeez. And now I have a feeling that is his only mode of communication with you, right? He doesn't have a phone.

unknown: 27:10

Yeah.

Gavin: 27:11

Oh boy, so that's right. So how is that gonna be rectified?

SPEAKER_00: 27:14

Uh yeah, I don't know. I mean, because it's uh, you know, it's like, hey, uh 10-year-old kid, you know, you have to pay for a new one. Well, obviously he can't do that. And so it's what it's one of those classic moments where and maybe tell if you guys relate, but so I, you know, where I'm I'm sitting there in the back of my mind and I haven't said anything to him yet of like, so you have to replace it, but how the hell are you gonna do that? I don't know. Like, what lever do I pull there? You know, because I've already done it once where he lost another one. This is the second one. Oh, of course. Of course, I paid for that, obviously. I mean, you know, and I need it, I I I giving him a phone is key because that's how he gets to go ride his bike as far as he wants.

David: 27:54

Well, that's the that's the inherent fucking bullshit of parenting, is that his mistake costs you. Yeah. So it's it's like, yes, like uh it's not like you're getting punished because I don't have my watch anymore. Now I'm punished because either I don't have track of you or I've got to shot another fucking$600. It's like when I punish my daughter and I'm like, you don't get a sweet treat tonight. I know I'm punishing me because she's gonna be a nightmare all night for being mad at me for not giving her the treat that she is the at fault for. So I yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 28:25

Yeah, so I did, I just I I kept it together, didn't get mad. I was like, okay, well, that's why we have that rule. You took it off your wrist, and well, what happened?

Gavin: 28:35

Why did he take his off his wrist? Was he passing it around to other people to try, or what that the circulation was cut off on his hand?

SPEAKER_00: 28:42

He's he's like, Oh no, I was wrestling with my my friend on the bus. And I'm like, wrestling on the like there's so many things there. You're not supposed to wrestle on the bus. The bus driver already thinks you're insane because you're always doing stuff. Uh you know, because he he'll bring his he has a little Bluetooth speaker because he can Bluetooth music from his watch to his little Bluetooth speaker.

SPEAKER_06: 29:00

Nice.

SPEAKER_00: 29:01

And so he tries to be the cool guy on the bus. He'll sneak his Bluetooth speaker in his backpack and have a party in the bus. And then yesterday he was wrestling in the bus. And then, you know, of course you gotta take the watch off if you're gonna wrestle.

David: 29:11

I mean I mean, he's running a Dave and Busters on that bus. He's running, he's running uh WWF, you know, wrestling ring. He's got party music going. He's probably charging money. He's probably charging.

Gavin: 29:22

In other words, he can afford to buy his own, he can afford to buy his own replacement watch now because of the money he's been been making.

SPEAKER_00: 29:29

Yeah, we know he's a he's a little entrepreneur. He can make it happen. Yeah, come on.

Gavin: 29:33

Uh well, good luck with that. You definitely have to be careful of all of the consequences. That's a rule number one of parenting for sure. Think about think about the consequences of your own threats. Forget the kids, but so you know kind of along those lines then, you had a rather interesting path to parenthood. Do you mind telling us about it?

SPEAKER_00: 29:52

Yeah, I thought until until I was 40, I'm currently 44, till I was 41, I was pretty sure I didn't want kids. Uh-huh. Um, and then I met what is now my wife, and um her nephew was at the time her her kid, effectively, not legally yet at the time, but um, and so then it was a package deal, and it was really amazing because when I met her, I met I met him too. And um and then I did want to be a dad, and and I did want to be a husband, and I I I didn't want either of those things until that point.

Gavin: 30:27

Interesting.

SPEAKER_00: 30:28

And um, and so this beautiful boy uh came into my life and he was five at the time. And uh oddly enough, we just obviously we come from different family trees, different whatever, but we have so much in common. And he is just like the coolest, sweetest, smartest kid, and um and it's amazing. And so now I'm I'm an adopted uh father, and and I've I've got this this uh wonderful, wonderful kid and and and wonderful wife package, and um and it's it's uh it's great. We have we have a very good connection and we have a very good understanding, and uh I do my best to to help him manage through these things where I'm careful with the levers I try to pull, you know, like what consequences am I setting up that I'm gonna regret next week. And um and but but also like I love one of my favorite parts about being a dad so far is getting to demon actually two things come to mind getting to demonstrate vulnerability. So I get to tell him when I messed up. And so the other night we were sitting down watching a movie together, and I was kind of short-tempered, and I just the the moment just wasn't a strong moment for me, and I kind of huffed and puffed a little bit when he was trying to do something that he didn't do anything wrong. And so then I got to apologize to him and be like, I'm sorry, you didn't deserve that. I love you, I love when you talk to me, you know, give him a kiss, give him a hug. Um, you know, and just and then also demonstrate like with the watch thing, like not getting mad and actually just talking through it and like, all right, well, this is why we have the rules that we have. And and I'm not much of I don't like rules, but sometimes for these for these young minds, there's a couple of things where it's like there's some some rules of don't take your watch off randomly so you don't lose it. And then how do I not lose it in the process in terms of staying calm and cool and collected? And so I really enjoy the reflection that comes from fatherhood and from being a parent of who am I and how am I what am I projecting onto this this uh developing mind and developing uh soul and and and you know what impact am I having on him?

David: 32:49

Then I thought that story was gonna start with um I didn't want to be a father when I until I was 41 and then became a father, and I still don't want to be a father. I thought that's where we were going with that. Um but I uh question for the layman here. You talked to Gabin, you have not talked to me. Who are you? Like what is Family IT guy? Why are you here? Why are you in this recording studio with these two gay guys?

SPEAKER_00: 33:13

What a question. I love that. Um, because how did how do I how did I end up, you know, this is really cool. So, okay, I I've been I'm a computer guy. I've been in I've been in the computer business since 1995. Um, I that was when I was I was 14, started working at a computer store. Long story short, ended up kind of getting into the corporate world, running data centers and like being in environments that you see in the movies where there's like robots moving stuff around and just you know, you have to wear a big jacket so you don't freaking freeze to death in this big noisy room. And um I was, you know, as a kid in my early to mid-20s, I'm I ended up running data centers for a defense contractor. So like the F-18 fighter jet production line um used these thousands of servers that I helped look after.

Gavin: 34:02

That is something that's never been mentioned on Gatriarchs, an F-18, that's for sure. Shocking. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 34:08

It was I used on my lunch break, I used to be able to go into the production line. It was a one million square foot facility. Wow. And I could go and stand at one end and I could watch there were parts bins on one end of the line, and way on the other line that you could barely see were F-18s. Dang. And these guys were put literally putting them together.

Gavin: 34:29

Was that in in Southern California?

SPEAKER_00: 34:31

Yeah, in LA. Uh-huh. Wow, wow. So we would we would put them together.

David: 34:36

Did you ever try to sneak one on the way home? Did you ever try to try to throw one in the back of the car?

SPEAKER_00: 34:40

Right, or at least can I like sit in one or something, you know?

Gavin: 34:43

Yeah. We all have our Tom Cruise fantasies of one form or another.

David: 34:47

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 34:47

There you that was the that's right, that's right. That was the F-18. Yeah. And um, and so the the guy at the time, the engineers that were designing and building the F-35, which is now a real aircraft, I supported the data center that the engineers used for that, and a bunch of drones and all kinds of stuff. And then I ended up becoming the uh chief technologist of this$10 billion IT company. And we did IT services for the Department of Defense and the intelligence community and a bunch of states and counties and cities and companies, and I had this, I was 27 years old, and I was the chief technologist of this group, and I had no idea what I was doing. And uh, but I got exposed to a lot of amazing things in like the world of cybersecurity and the world of hackers and the world of nation-state hackers, and like got exposed to the fact that like the Chinese like own all of our infrastructure. Um, and by own I mean in the cybersecurity sense, where like they actually have control of our stuff and really just wild things. And I even I got to work with the NSA for a little while, and so I spent uh most of my career doing uh like national security related stuff. And uh early last year, so we're in October 25, so in January of 24, I've had people started asking me how should I set up my my tech for my kids? What what settings, what devices, what programs, asking for my thoughts. And you know, I'm like, oh well, you know, shoot, I'm in the same boat now. I've got a kid now too. And so um, you know, and and I and and and I messed up. Like I gave I when I met my kid, uh I gave him an iPad and and I and I gave him an iPad with a YouTube on it. You know, looking back, that was insane. But I made the mistake.

David: 36:42

Well, because you didn't know, I mean, even though you knew, you didn't know. We all fall into these traps of like, I don't know, YouTube, like it's got kid videos, and you just kind of see it as this like benign thing. I did the exact same thing where like, you know, I need to do the dishes. You can watch some silly videos, and then you do the dishes, you turn around and he's watching some crazy how to make a bomb video, and you're like, Oh, okay, I need a little more oversight here.

SPEAKER_00: 37:06

And and I'll tell you what, I mean, I even I was naive enough to even think that, you know, because okay, so YouTube was like quickly that took a couple of days, and oh crap, that wasn't good. So I took that off. Oh, well, YouTube Kids, I you know, I've never used YouTube Kids before at this time, you know. So, oh, kids. And by the way, the lady that was the CEO of YouTube Kids, because YouTube actually, it's part of Google, but it has its own CEO because it's such a big business. The CEO of YouTube Kids was a grandma. And so here's a product that's called Kids that's run by a grandma. Easy, right? Awesome. Let's do that. No, it's actually not any better. It's still terrible. There's still sexual content, there's still violent nightmare content. My kid had nightmares for years because of some of the stuff that they have on there. And so I made these mistakes, and then yeah, fast forward back, you know, like my friends and my my consulting clients and my acquaintances started asking me, you know, what should they do with the tech for their kids? And I start looking into it and come to find out that uh there's no real good answers. And and at the time there was people talking about it. You had some really great books, like Jonathan Height that, you know, did The Anxious Generation, right? Which is still just absolutely crushing it, you know, New York Times bestseller, making a lot of positive change in the world, you know, with that book. And but there was, I didn't find anybody that was approaching the topic that had a technical background that really understood, like, okay, here's the things that are happening, but like what's underneath it? Why, why does the tech do that? Why do why are the tech companies behaving the way they behave? Why why is a a YouTube kids product run by a grandma terrible for kids? Right. You know, and so I started putting all the pieces together and and and was like, this, this needs, this needs focus. The the world needs um more technical resources attached to this problem. And and so I decided to to have a go at it and uh started putting together some lectures and doing some local events and bringing parents together in like libraries and even paying, I I rented out spaces myself and spent a bunch of money on just like let's just get people together and I'm just gonna give them the spiel on like here's what's going down. And um, and then I started doing social media videos, which is funny because I don't use social media. So I had one of my friends helps me do that.

SPEAKER_05: 39:30

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00: 39:31

Um and and then I started going on podcasts, and and um one day I find myself on a podcast called The Gay Trax, talking to these two nice, nice fellowship. You know you have arrived. You have finally arrived. This is like where it's at, man. It's right here.

Gavin: 39:47

So the website is family itguy.com, right? Yes. There and that's right. And in there, um it's a really, really great website, by the way. But you have three pillars of your priorities. Can you tell? Tell us what those prior those uh pillars are.

SPEAKER_00: 40:02

Yeah, let's see if I can remember off the top of my head. So we've got uh I'm looking at them right now as well.

Gavin: 40:07

Okay, I got you.

SPEAKER_00: 40:08

All right, tell me tell me if I get them wrong. Screen time, um uh contact with like dangerous contact with strangers.

SPEAKER_05: 40:16

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00: 40:17

Um and then now because I'm locked, I'm blanking on the phone.

Gavin: 40:21

Harmful content. Block, harmful content. And it does seem that if you're able to control those three elements, um it it that that would be tremendous. It seems like you've got the the perfect background for, I mean, part of me at one point thought, I wonder if he's I wonder how, with all due respect, I wonder how paranoid Ben is. And so, because he's in this world of knowing, right? So, what level of paranoia is it? But then when you talk, I'm like, oh no, no, no, no, no. He's just really well educated and knows that dark shit goes on. That's not paranoia, that's actually having your feet in reality. Whereas David and I have our heads in musical theater land, and we're like, whatever, YouTube's okay, kids has gotta be okay.

David: 41:01

But also, I mean, we had Jose Monkey on the show, right? Yeah, Jose Monkey does does us uh obviously a very different thing than you, but does the same from the same position of like he's like, Whoa, I was suddenly realized how fucking easy it is to find somebody with a picture that you swear nobody could find anything by. And I can pinpoint within 30 minutes exactly where you were standing at that point. And so even though it's housed in this like fun game of like come find me, Jose Monkey, he's like, the point of this is that you can be found, so fucking chill out where you post photos of your kids if you don't want them to know where you hang out. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 41:35

You know, one of the least fortunate parts about having knowledge in this space is that or knowledge in general.

David: 41:44

I will tell you, having knowledge, it's the worst thing to happen to any person. Ignorance is bliss, yeah. Knowing shit is the worst.

SPEAKER_00: 41:52

Ignorance is bliss, man. I mean, I I got close enough like with the NSA and and and my work with the defense department, and then my I had a bunch of friends. I lived in DC, friends that worked at all the different intelligence agencies and different capacities. And if I'll I'll use a broad term at first and then I'll specify, if they can, they will. They is any government apparatus with access to information, um, and any corporate apparatus with access to information. If they can then they will.

David: 42:25

By the way, and my three-year-old. If they can, and they will. Yes. If they can pee out front, they will.

SPEAKER_00: 42:33

Oh yeah, which, you know, hey man, on the right day, I back that, you know. Um, you know, and so and and that's actually what what your comment there is is is spot on, because that is the uh human nature, right? So if without any boundaries or controls, otherwise, if if if we can, we will to a certain extent, and or at least some of us, depending on the scenario. And what that unfortunately means is that when you uh interact in a digital environment, and when any information about you ends up outside of your control, so when you browse the web, when you use a social media app, now whether you are producing content and creating stuff or even just consuming and being a passive consumer, you leave breadcrumbs all over the place. And a lot, a lot of entities, there are entire gigantic billion-dollar ecosystems around collecting those breadcrumbs and following you right behind you and picking them up one piece at a time and storing them in a database.

SPEAKER_05: 43:41

Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 43:42

And so, yeah, when you when you put your kids online, you're in a sense feeding the machine. And and it's it's it's disappointing in a sense because the nice things are kind of ruined as a result, you know, like the things that seem nice, like why can't we all just use Instagram and just get along and have a nice time?

unknown: 44:06

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 44:06

You know, why why can't we um participate in these environments without getting sucked into echo chambers and and being convinced that we don't like each other? You know, um, and and so yeah, it's it's tough, man. Like it's it's there's a there's I try to I try to balance constantly like bad news versus good news, and like how do I share the risks so that people know what's going on while also sharing opportunities for like positive and healthy interactions and and friendly interactions.

Gavin: 44:37

So uh but along those lines then, um, you there's the overall sentiment and philosophy that you're sharing out there. Can you sh can you tell us what is one concrete takeaway from each of those three pillars for our audience?

SPEAKER_00: 44:50

Yes. So let's start with the screen time one. So screen time it's important to uh to look at things with nuance, and screen time is certainly one of those things. And so you could actually break screen time into two big pieces. You can break it into in fact uh I'll first introduce a concept. I I like this concept of um attention as a currency. So attention is one of our inherent human currencies. I I guess off the top of my head, we kind of have two. We have like time and attention. And and perhaps there's more underneath that, but those are like two big ones, right? And you can't get more. And so it as a currency, if you think about it as a currency, then you can spend that currency, or it can actually be taken from you. Right. And so, screen time, if you break it into two buckets of where are you intentionally giving your intention, uh your attention, and where is it being taken? And so when you when you look at a screen and you you you stare into this thing, uh what where is is the intentionality there? And are you aware of whether it's being taken or whether you're giving your attention?

David: 46:09

Gavin, do you prefer to give your attention or do you prefer to take attention? I'm very verse when it comes to attention. Exactly what a taker would say.

SPEAKER_01: 46:18

Continue, but thank you. Excellent. Yeah, this is so cool. It's fun to be able to be able to homosexual dads, isn't it?

David: 46:28

It's really fun. We're a good time.

SPEAKER_00: 46:30

This is actually very fun. I love this. So um, yeah, like so. I think with screen time, it's it's it for it first of all, it starts with us as parents, right? What example are we setting? How how do we look at our attention as a currency? What behaviors are we modeling? That that is, by the way, like the crux of this whole thing when it comes to parenting in a digital age, is that we got to start with us first.

David: 47:00

Yeah, it is true. And I remember the first time my son said to me, Dad, dad, put your phone down and look. I remember being like, it was the first time I was like, okay, that is absolutely not the uh experience I want him to have. But and going on with a point I'm gonna give you, it is also I have five apps for just my son's school that have to be tended to, as far as like this is for homework and this one is where you check him in and out, and this one's like a so it brings me to my my kind of point, which I think you're you're talking about, but it I want to like highlight, which is a lot of this stuff is kind of aspirational, but for our listener who's out there going, like, I can't keep all screens from my kid. I can't, I don't have the bandwidth to like really curate all this stuff. There is this balancing act of like do it, you know, aspiring to all these things, no YouTube, no this, only this, but like it it just is not honestly possible, especially for the parents out there who don't have childcare or have multiple kids. And so I know there's probably people out there thinking, I I hear that, but also like I have to give my kids something to watch. Is there something that's kind of been approved when it comes to like screened entertainment that you think is better or better than YouTube, obviously?

SPEAKER_00: 48:19

Yeah, yeah, uh, yes. Um, and actually, so I'm glad you bring that up too, because and that's that's why I kind of started with the nuance thing, is that I I actually, as crazy as it might sound, I don't think that you should that kids should have zero screen time. Now it depends on the age and it depends on all kinds of stuff, right? But like I I think that uh a big dose of reality is important to to to note that there's it's unlikely that most are gonna say, like, oh yeah, we're gonna have zero screen time, especially if your kids already have some.

Gavin: 48:48

Yeah, stuffing that genie back in the bottle is awfully difficult.

SPEAKER_00: 48:53

Very difficult. And it can be done, and sometimes it has to be done, but it depends. And and sometimes you can replace one thing with another. So if you have something that you currently see as like, maybe that type of screen time is not desirable, maybe let's switch it to something that is. And so, like, for example, what you ask, you know, what's what's something that's what's a good way to do it. So ironically, YouTube Kids actually has a feature that is not very well known that's called approved content only. And you can switch, and and and the thing is too, like not even all of the apps, because you have YouTube Kids is like on TVs, iPads, phones, and so depending on the device, like TVs often have less of the features, but on phones and tablets, approved content-only mode gives the parents control. It turns off the algorithm and it lets you pre-select specific channels, specific videos, and specific playlists, even to the point where you can say, I want, I'm okay with you watching that channel, and they've got a hundred videos in their channel, but I'm gonna deselect three of them because I don't like those three.

SPEAKER_03: 50:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 50:01

So so YouTube Kids has that. And and in the tech world, we call that whitelist mode. Whitelist mode in the in in tech is where you start with nothing and then you add pieces that are approved. And so, especially for young kids, taking a whitelist approach is very important.

David: 50:17

Especially because some of the stuff I know what you're you're you're basically meaning for it for like content that's uh approved or not. But honestly, as a dad, sometimes if I hear the sound of the blippy voice in the background, uh it makes me want to immediately walk into traffic. So that would be one I would uncheck. Listen, I know it's a billion-dollar enterprise, but the sound of blippy number two's voice, blippy number one was was difficult to hear. Blippy number two's voice is so grating, it makes me want to leap from a bridge. But I I I I also, from a person who works in entertainment, have seen narrative um attention gone from kids. I wrote I wrote for a preschool TV show, and we realized that kids couldn't sit through 12-minute narrative. So, like, oh, you know, Paw Patrol, we gotta find the magical stone or whatever. They they want to swipe. Once they've been swiping enough and it hasn't caught their attention within the first three to five seconds, they start to swipe. And I've watched my kids stop the uh lose the ability to sit and watch a movie or even like a 30-minute episode. So for us, it was very important that we limit any sort of swiping or scrolling, and they have to sit and actually watch uh uh you know a simple story because I'm worried that they'll lose that ability.

Gavin: 51:33

I beg my teenagers to please just sit in front of a television without the remote control in their hands and watch something with a beginning, middle, and an end, as opposed to a 10-second blip. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm not very successful at it, frankly. Well, you're not a great dad.

SPEAKER_00: 51:51

Oh gosh. Oh no. What a back up. No, no, this is it's just a Tuesday, that's all. This is this is Tuesday. This is Tuesday at 24 p.m. Right. Well, I I like to look at things in the context of stimulus levels. And so um, I actually have a thing on my website about this. If you if you go to familyitguy.com and you type in stimulus in the search box, you'll find this article that I wrote.

Gavin: 52:13

Insert joke here, even Gavin.

SPEAKER_00: 52:15

As I said, as I said it. Right as I said it, I was like, oh, cued that one.

David: 52:22

You're welcome. You can go familyitguy.com forward slash shirtless, and then you can see kind of why he's here.

SPEAKER_00: 52:29

That's a secret, secret path. And so, you know, if you and you can you can filter shows on, for example, like if you're gonna put a if you're gonna have your kid watch something, you can watch it for a minute and and count how many scene changes there are.

David: 52:45

Interesting. How many like Coco Melon, where it's like non-stop camera changes and a moving and a constantly moving camera where there's never just like a locked frame, it's just constantly moving. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 52:57

Yeah. And you go back to the old uh I saw Tom and Jerry on TV, you know, old Tom and Jerry. Oh, I love Tom and Jerry. I was like, oh yeah, there's there's so many fewer scene changes. Oh, yeah. Where like um I I I always think of the movie, the sound of music, when I think of low stimulus, there's a scene. I mean, first of all, that entire movie is could be considered low stimulus, but there's a scene the Nazis where that's that's not very low stimulus. It's a little potentially stimulating for some, you know. But but uh but like the when when the when the nanny first shows up to the big house, when she, you know, she meets the family and the and they're all in line, military style, but she walks into the house by herself and she walks into the to the main room, the foyer or whatever it is, this giant, beautiful room, and she stands there in silence for an extended period of time and just stands there. And because of the era, there was no refrigerators making background noise, there were no hard drives clicking, there was no music playing, it was nothing.

David: 54:05

It was just the foli of her feet walking into a room and then just standing there. Oh my god, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 54:10

And you could just watch her face and she was looking around, and there was there wasn't even any words. Yeah, it was it was the epitome, it was it's such a beautiful scene. And so I I like to look at the stimulus level in kids' content, and like I say, you kind of just watch for a minute and just count the scene changes. You can also look at or just listen, like if you're doing the dishes, how like the sounds you can you can hear the chaos in these shows, yeah. You know, and so I have on my website a list of shows that are um that are low stimulus, that are good places to start. And so that way if you're putting together your approved content-only list, I I have a list there as a as a starter.

Gavin: 54:55

And it isn't just found with music then.

SPEAKER_00: 54:57

That's right. Okay, that's right, yeah.

Gavin: 54:59

I mean, which there's more than that, which should be on everybody's list, obviously, but uh good to know that there's um that you've got age appropriate stuff there too. That's great.

SPEAKER_00: 55:08

Yes, that's right. Um, and so okay, so for screen time, yeah. I like you know, there's there's nuance there because are you are you looking at a screen to learn? Like, so for example, I like to say tech for kids should be a tool, not a toy. Yeah, ideally. Yeah now we're here we are talking about entertainment, that's a toy, right? But like, and so of course, nuance everywhere, but ideally, tech is primarily a tool and not a toy. And so when you're using tech as a tool and you're you're learning something, you have some kind of task to accomplish where like I'm gonna do the thing and then I'm gonna be done. You know, that's that's in my opinion, that's the kind of screen time that like that's okay, right? So, like screen time as a category is not necessarily bad, it just depends. Are you giving your attention? Is it being taken? And like, is it a task or is it a is it a utility?

David: 56:00

Yeah. Oh man, I'm just like I I I I'm so a hundred percent on board with everything you're saying, and I'm also at the same time screaming on the inside. It's so unfair that I have to spend all this time and energy and curation and about every aspect of our home and our lives and the way we run our lives, and still be hated by my kids because I will take no, but like I will take, yeah. I will I I we deleted YouTube off of their um their tablets, and they were fucking furious with us for days. Yeah, and we did we were just like, no, just watch YouTube kids, and that and and I've since realized that it, you know, it's it's not any better. But like it's it it both are true, right? What you're saying, absolutely true. We should aspire to it, and it's also so true that it's so unfair, and I've got more shit to feel guilty about, and more shit on ways of ruining my child's future.

SPEAKER_00: 56:46

Um it sucks, man. It's it's really terrible. Like it's it's well, thank you for coming by this is lovely.

unknown: 56:52

Right.

SPEAKER_00: 56:53

I mean, well, and I I like to I like to recognize the fact that as adults, we're just starting to learn what this stuff does to us, let alone what it does to kids.

Gavin: 57:05

It's and yeah, it's definitely the wild west, without a doubt.

SPEAKER_00: 57:09

Yeah, and like in 2007, human parenting changed. So up until 2007, raising a human child was roughly the same for all of our existence, however, millions of whatever years.

SPEAKER_05: 57:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 57:26

In 2007, the iPhone got announced. Within five years of that announcement, you had old iPhones getting handed down to kids. Within was it four or five years? I can't remember exactly when the app store came out, because remember, the first iPhone didn't have apps, right? There was no app store. Facebook at that time was only on the desktop. Facebook came out on mobile around, I think, 2012, and then that followed by you know Instagram and Snapchat and TikTok. And all of a sudden, like you said, now we have all this new stuff to worry about and to think about, and we don't know how. This is not built into our genetics. This is brand new. Nobody knows how inherently. Yeah right. And and and so we're stumbling our way through this. It's it's it's very difficult.

Gavin: 58:21

So ultimately, enlisting off all of these ways that things are difficult, I'm curious what keeps you up at night.

SPEAKER_00: 58:28

Boy, well, uh AI. Um, and I I could talk all day about AI um and happy to talk about it for sure. It it's um I you know, and and actually like from if we look at it from like the the principles that are involved, the what concerns me are the principles, the principles of or lack thereof honesty, yeah. Or or lack thereof, honesty, usefulness, um uh mental exercise, you know, like mental or a or like the other side of that is mental laziness, like the the AI situation, um for kids, especially, and this is another one where as adults, like we're you know, this stuff is literally brand new. Kids are getting exposed to AI. It's um adults don't even know how to tell the difference. You know, kids really don't know how to tell the difference when there's this thing that sounds exactly like a person that communicates exactly like a person that will confidently tell you the biggest pile of bullshit that's ever existed. Yeah. And and it's and it's being enabled by default on kids' Chromebooks in public schools.

Gavin: 59:44

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 59:44

You know, it's it's you guys said it concurs on here. It's fucking insane.

David: 59:48

Yes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is a very, very pleasant tidy like family podcast. No, but like what you know, what we we had said, uh, or maybe Gabin, you had said last week about like families need like, say, four. Now, where like we know if somebody calls you and it sounds like me and I tell you to get into the back of the van, they have to know the safe word because of all this stuff. And my and I said last week, my my Pollyanna hope for this is that as far as entertainment goes, is that because people can no longer tell the difference with Sora and stuff, that people will not look at entertainment for that sort of joy because they're constantly wondering is this true or not? And people will walk outside maybe and put down that magical thing we've all been dreaming about for 15 years, where people put down their phones and they just start looking at the sky and they're like, Oh wow, yeah, there are birds in my neighborhood. This is wonderful.

SPEAKER_00: 1:00:37

Yes, and and that is actually I I as ironic as it might be, that is where the beauty in all of this is, is that in my opinion, the bigger the problem is, the easier it is to see, and the easier it is to try to think about changing or avoiding. And so how do we embrace boredom?

unknown: 1:01:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:01:06

How do we demonstrate embracing boredom to our kids? Uh-huh. And again, it starts with us. Yeah. We can't, like, we got it's got to be real, right? Like we have to do it first, and then we have to show them. And so, like in my house, what we've done is we do and we have like a joking name for it. Sunday Sunday Shabbos. And on Sundays, there's no outside world. There's no outside influence, there's no outside information, there are no agendas, there are no schedules, there are no devices, there's just us and our bikes and our board games. Nice. And it is the best day of the week. It's it's and your son can see that too. He's he's down for 100%. And and he says it. He says it himself. Like, and and just so today's Tuesday. So so this past Sunday was so beautiful. At the end of the day, he was just like laying on me and just like told me he loved me, and was just like there's this relaxed, you know, because one of the reasons I think about like stimulus levels on content is I have a personal philosophy that and sort of just like a made-up thing that we all operate an in an energy field that in my mind is similar to radio frequencies. And when I think of radio frequencies, I think of waves, sure, right? Because that's what they are, right? But like the higher the frequency, the tighter the waves. And the the um the lower the frequency, the the bigger the waves. And I feel like we need to practice being in a low frequency mode. We need to practice having low stimulus, low input. We need to allow our minds to get into a mode of stillness in order to recover from the stress of high frequency and high energy. I feel like we we we must have that variability. And and my perspective is that we collectively, as a as a this global society of humans right now, we're all operating on this really high frequency, high chaos. I'm constantly getting, you know, input and I'm constantly getting stuff into my eyeballs and my ears, and and and if I'm not constantly getting it, then I I crave it. And like there's I think there's a lot of value in in stillness. And and and Sunday we had that stillness, and it directly reflects on my kids' level of happiness in such a massively obvious way, it's fantastic. And so that's the counterside to the difficulty of the modern world and this digital space and all the chaos, is that you can embrace the stillness and the boredom and the you know not having any outside input. Because as it turns out, if you turn off the outside input, uh you lose nothing.

Gavin: 1:04:04

Yeah, totally.

SPEAKER_00: 1:04:05

Nothing.

Gavin: 1:04:06

So you know I imagine that this resource is all over your website, and I encourage all of our listeners to check it out. But what is what's the takeaway then for if you could give just you know one bit of advice um of the many, but what's the one bit of advice that you could leave with us today?

SPEAKER_00: 1:04:25

Top of mind is a very simple thing. No devices in the bedrooms, no devices in the bathrooms.

David: 1:04:31

Love that. Love I'll never poop again, but I love that. Right.

SPEAKER_00: 1:04:35

I'm I'm I'm sorry for your uh intestinal track, but but you're right.

David: 1:04:39

There there's no reason I need to check my Instagram while I'm peeing. However, every single time I'm sitting at the urinal, my phone pops right up. I'm like, what do what do I have to go here? Love that. Nope. Bathrooms and bedrooms.

SPEAKER_00: 1:04:51

And it's yes, and and and there's a very important reason why. There's the obvious sort of what we're talking about with stillness and all this kind of thing. The most dangerous thing a kid can do with an internet connection is have it in their bedroom at night. And and that's for two reasons. That's because of the addictive algorithms and all the social media stuff, and just we like you say, if you're taking a pee, you got to check your Instagram. The kids are the same, right? This is a human condition. Like these the these software systems are designed with neuroscientists involved, right? So literally, the world's leading addiction experts work for these software companies and they help the software engineers do this. So this is not us like messing up. This is us. This is our yes, this is our biology responding in a natural way. And so when when kids bullies get to go into your kids' bedroom at night at 2 a.m. Predators I can go into this too, but that basically like the internet is a hunting grounds for children. Yeah, of course. And and the the numbers are astronomical to such an extent that I I interviewed a guy called Officer Gomez. He's a school resource officer here in Boise, and and he's like directly arrested predators and and and been deeply involved in all this stuff for a long time. His experience uh tells him, and and he told me this on my podcast, that 100% of boys with internet access will be targeted by sex tortion. Wow. Wow. And and 100, I was like, 100%? 100%.

SPEAKER_05: 1:06:35

Wow, wow.

SPEAKER_00: 1:06:36

Now that that doesn't mean they're all gonna fall victim, but they will all be targeted. Some of them will fall victim many times.

Gavin: 1:06:43

And sextor by sex dorsi, do you mean them being luring lured in by strangers to say taking pictures and sharing them and therefore they're being extorted by that? Okay. And yes, okay.

David: 1:06:56

And imagine part of this also as as as like practical information for parents listening is that like all of the things you're saying, plus have tried to develop a relationship with their child where you say, if anything like this happens, if you take a picture of your dick and send it to somebody and they say, I'm gonna tell your whatever, come to me. You will not be in trouble. We we will, you know, being able to let them not feel shame about any of that stuff, so they will come to you. So there is this place because I know, like I think I as a kid, I would feel shame and try to hide it. And then all of a sudden you're you think right at that age, you think, oh my god, they're gonna send it to everybody. And this is the end of the world for me. But making sure that like your kids can come to you and you're not gonna get in trouble. I'm not gonna yell at you, kind of how we started this interview. I yell a lot, you're really good at not. I'm gonna try to learn, take away that. But but come to me because this is too important for you not to tell me. And I will I promise that I will not shame you, I'll make fun of you, and you'll not get in trouble for this. But we have to be on the same team here.

SPEAKER_00: 1:07:55

Yeah. Yes, that is spot on, man. That's that is that is the ticket because it will happen. Um, yeah, and you you have to when when you give the device, you should you should give a family agreement, which I have a template on my website that you can use. Nice. And and as part of that agreement should be a free pass. You will not get in trouble if you do the thing that your biology will have you do. No. And so there are international criminal networks that target teenage boys specifically. Wow. Um, so this isn't just your like creepy predator dude in the basement. This is organized criminal networks on every continent using automated stuff to target every teenage boy. Jeez. So the the scale of this problem is enormous, and that's why it's very important not to have devices in the bedrooms and the bathrooms. And so it just like everything else, it has to start with us, right? We have to demonstrate it first. And so we need to have like a charging station in the kitchen or the living room for the devices to charge. And then you say, okay, well, what about my alarm clock? So Seiko, uh, the Japanese clock company, makes inexpensive like$12 or$20 alarm clocks, old school, analog, they're not connected to the freaking internet. They work great, they'll work forever. You know, so go get one of those.

David: 1:09:15

You could just get a live rooster, also. You could just have a rooster outside like that. I mean, listen, if we're talking about an organic, like it's good for the environment, free range alarm clocks. Yes, that's what I'm saying. Just get a clock outside your window and you you're good to go.

SPEAKER_00: 1:09:30

Right. There's different uh things going on there.

David: 1:09:33

Yeah, I love just stopping him and his tracks. What are you doing? I'm talking about amazing.

Gavin: 1:09:39

Um, hold on. Speaking of two more questions. One is just based upon your experience with the gym, I just want to know how do we get to get abs? Six pack. What's hard? What's so what about them? Can you other than they're made in the kitchen? We know that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:09:53

You you want the real answer? Over age 40.

Gavin: 1:09:56

Yes. Over age 40, tell us. Yep.

SPEAKER_00: 1:09:59

All right. There's two ways. So um, if you think about your skin as like a bag that carries all your muscle in your fat, right? The the bag is a certain size. If you fill it with more muscle, the muscles will show through the bag. If you reduce the amount of fat, the muscles will show through the bag. And so there's there's two ways to like get abs. It's either you make them bigger or you make your fat smaller.

Gavin: 1:10:30

Imagine that. Or you do both. Imagine that, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 1:10:32

And so if you one thing I've learned is that um you can add a serious amount of muscle to your chassis by applying the right stress to it. And so I am I'm 40 pounds heavier than I used to be and it uh of muscle. Like I I was a skinny, not strong at all twig. I was 165 pounds for almost most of my life at six feet tall, and now I'm like between 205 and 210. And and and I didn't change the amount of fat that I have. And and whereas before I did I had no visible muscles, and now I do because the bag is the same size, but the muscles are bigger.

David: 1:11:12

David, when he said chassis, did your like bathing suit area twin twin. Something about him saying chassis.

Gavin: 1:11:19

Absolutely. He didn't realize the trap he was rat walking into. All right. So there was so keep this is great. So then will you tell us though? Um, first of all, obviously, thank you for being here. There is oh, so much more to talk about. Let's do parts two and three and like Gatriarchs After Dark with Ben, and that'll be fun. Um, but please um tell us when was that time that you earned your parenting merit badge and thought I will never forget this shit show.

SPEAKER_00: 1:11:52

Oh, I had a really good one that was just so cool. Um the same kid that my my son was wrestling with on the bus yesterday when he took his watch off. So he that kid lives across the street, like literally, like our doors are lined up to each other and and they hang out all the time. And they're out there bickering one day, going on about, you know, he hurt my feelings, and and we're riding bikes, and then he left, and then I left, and we were abandoning each other, and now we both feel abandoned, and then we're both crying, and like, and so I got to sit them down out front and say, like, like basically describe like what does it mean to be a friend. And like, and that being a friend means looking after your friend's emotions and like asking your friend first, like acknowledging like how did that make you feel? And and I'm sorry that I made you feel that way.

Gavin: 1:12:39

Nice.

SPEAKER_00: 1:12:39

Before we talk about like, oh, but this reason and that reason and this other reason. And so I and and they both got to do that. And so I said, Okay, hey, how did how do you how did that make you feel? And they they're both sitting in front of me and like they're just crying, and he described how it made him feel. And how did it make you feel? And how do you guys feel about impacting each other's emotions that way? And they both were like super apologetic and like, man, I'm sorry I made you feel that way. And and I got to demonstrate to them and have them actually participate in like wow, a friendship exercise.

SPEAKER_03: 1:13:07

I mean, yeah, but then he lost his watch. So you you know, you have the yin and the yen, and then it's just it's all erased, right? Like oh Ben, so that was a cool day.

Gavin: 1:13:16

You uh going through that friendship challenge, I would imagine is not what I would have expected you to learn working in all those data centers on F-18s. But I hope that gives me hope for the world that that is the um the source. But Ben, thank you for demeaning yourself and being on our stupid little podcast. It was such a pleasure. Yes, thank you, Ben.

SPEAKER_00: 1:13:36

No, this is great. I would love to come back and we can do the other two pillars in this uh future class. Let's do it.

David: 1:13:41

We'll do it. Ben, thank you so much. So, my something great is a letter I got from my daughter's uh preschool/slash daycare. And I'm gonna just read it to you. It's a little bit long, but uh, it's very appropriate for now, and um, I think it's amazing. Um, so there's a little preamble, dear um families, and then it goes to um talking about the snap thing. In the event of a lapse in timely snap assistance, this daycare is prepared to step in and provide food for the entire family, parents, children, and family members living in the home. We're committed to ensuring no family in our community goes without, and we'll work tirelessly to make this process as smooth as possible. In the most simple terms, and then they write this in bold if you or your child are hungry, we will give you food, period. If you would like your teacher to send home food for dinners, weekends or days off, submit a message with the following We would like blank number of meals. We will place those meals in your child's backpack for when they go home. What we will not do, we will not ask any questions, we will not ID or document or ask for ID or documentation, we will not say no. We cherish being a part of this wonderful community and are so grateful for the opportunity to support and grow alongside you.

Gavin: 1:14:57

Holy fuck, that was a great message to get. You know, I am prepared with a something great, but there's no reason to follow that up because that's amazing. So that's my something great, frankly. Is that's that's people doing the right thing.

David: 1:15:10

And that's our show. If you have any comment, suggestions, or general compliments, you can email us at gatriarchspodcast at gmail.com.

Gavin: 1:15:17

Or you can DM on Instagram. We are at Gatriarchspodcast. On the internet, David is at DavidFM Vaughn everywhere, and Gavin is at Gavin Lodge anywhere he can find hot politicians. Please leave us a glowing five star review wherever you get your podcasts. Thanks, and we'll confuse you next time on another episode of Gatriarchs.