The one with Joey Chancey

This week, Gavin and David are terminally uncool, David takes gay Dad advice from Jinkx Monsoon, there is good news with lesbians, we rank the top 3 Thanksgiving sides, and this week we are joined by musician and Inside Out dad Joey Chancey who talks to us about the process of becoming a Dad, what the highlight of his career was, and how he found himself gay in the Vatican.

Questions? Comments? Rants? Raves? Send them to GaytriarchsPodcast@gmail.com, or you can DM us anywhere @GaytriarchsPodcast

This episode of Gaytriarchs is brought to you by heygaddies.com

Transcript

David: 0:00

Hey David, you know who this episode of Gatriarchs is brought to you by? Who? Gaddies. Gaddies is the gay dad brand. Started by a gay dad and a total dilf, by the way. Gaddies is here to celebrate gay dads with pride and style.

Gavin: 0:14

We love their hats, tees, and hoodies for the entire family. David won't take off his yesgaddy hat.

David: 0:20

And Gavin is obsessed with his caught in a dad romance t-shirt.

Gavin: 0:24

Caught in a bad romance.

David: 0:28

Gatriarch's listeners get 20% off their first order using code GAY20.

Gavin: 0:34

Shop now for the holidays for all of your friends gay or other at heygadys.com. That's H-E-Y-G-A-D-D-I-E-S.com. So I'm going to do a little soft intro of you and then we will pop into it, okay? Yep. Sorry. Get those burps out, baby. Get those burp. That baby.

SPEAKER_00: 0:54

Burp that baby out. And and and where do I look? Just wherever.

David: 0:58

Look deep into my eyes or make direct eye contact with me consistently. But don't look at me, but look right at me. Okay? Got it. I'll look through you. Most men do, honestly. And this is Gatriarch's.

Gavin: 1:26

So, David, did you know that we are profoundly uncool?

David: 1:32

I'm I'm painfully aware of this.

Gavin: 1:35

I just the other day I was posting something, one of our um social media videos that got at least two or three likes, one of which was probably mine. And my daughter walks behind me and she's reminded and she goes, Oh my god, dad, stop following me on Instagram. That would be the most embarrassed thing ever if anyone at school ever find out about your stupid podcast. And I'm like, first of all, can you go back, slow down, and repeat what you just said? And I but then, but then in my true insecure immediate reaction of, oh my god, how did I fuck up this time? My thought was, wait, why is our podcast following my daughter? Why on earth? Why on earth would I have done such a thing? Because I'm sure that it was me who did it. Why would we be following her?

David: 2:21

You don't know where you're logged in, on who. You're like, I sent you a telegram message on Instagram reels to the mail, and I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about.

Gavin: 2:29

And why didn't you make a TikTok video response to it and tweet it to me? I I so there were so many things to unpack there, not the least of which was, excuse me, it's cool that you're dead.

David: 2:44

Never mind. We have 10 of listener of this podcast. There is so many persons that loves this show.

Gavin: 2:50

So that is Well, she then clearly she were operates like I do, and she had thought about this 75 times, apparently, over the last who knows how long. And then this prompted her to remind me, to remind herself, to block us and disfollow us, or whatever the phrase may be. So we have been we have been forced to unfollow my daughter, which by the way, I am perfectly fine with because we should not be following children on this account by any stretch of the imagination. And that's nothing more than just maintaining our own, frankly, coolness. Like we do not need to be following people.

David: 3:30

Unless we're the president and she's 15. Then it's okay. Or if we're Megan Kelly and we think she's 15. Um, yes, no, that that is true. Also, like putting putting myself in her shoes, yeah, that's fucking my dad is a podcast. What a fucking loser. Yeah.

Gavin: 3:45

Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Especially because podcasting was not cool as of about 15 years ago. And here and yet here we are still plugging away. So if you wondered, um, listener out there, thank you for thinking that we're, I don't know if you think we're cool, but you do stick with us and thank you for doing so, because my daughter certainly has not. Meanwhile, the conversation continued a few days later when she said, by the way, dad, can you just I I didn't write this in the outline for your sake. By the way, dad, can you just like stop podcasting? Because insert name here said, Oh my god, did your dad have a podcast? And I had to blatantly look her in the look her in the eye and say, No, he does not. So, dad, please delete everything.

David: 4:33

So basically, you do not exist publicly in any way.

Gavin: 4:38

That is, and welcome to teenagerhood. Yes. Oh my god. Not only are we not cool, I've been told to erase my existence.

David: 4:47

I just I obviously, like, she's a fucking bitch by saying that. But also, also, I totally get it. Like being her age, my parents would breathe, and I was like, oh, you're the most humiliating piece, bundle of cells I've ever experienced in my entire life. Yes. And I just, it's funny to me because it's happening to you and not to me. When it's happening to me, I will be devastated.

Gavin: 5:11

Yes, you will be. And also, it's funny that you think you're being hyperbolic and saying your parents' breathing annoyed you, but I don't know how many times I have had other parents text me that they're like, well, my daughter or my son is annoyed by my breathing now. No, legitimately. Legit. And I mean, we do know, I can make the disclaimer. I do watch what I say on here because I do have a daughter old enough to listen to a podcast. Not that she's supposed to, because this is not supposed to be for children. Disclaimer.

SPEAKER_02: 5:41

Yeah.

Gavin: 5:41

Um, and you know, that I stand by the things I say, and um, and I love her more than oxygen. And sorry, I'm gonna keep embarrassing you for the next 131 episodes.

David: 5:55

So speaking of our episodes, I every once in a while will actually think about the show, prepare for it, do some deep dive. And I was just curious because you know, we had talked about our listener across the world, and we have, you know, obviously listener in Jersey, which you flew over, but like, you know, we we really do have a listener in quite a few countries. And I was like, hmm, I'm gonna go look at our stats because the pro the platform that we released the show on will give you a certain amount of stats. It's obviously like download numbers, like how many uh people have downloaded each episode.

Gavin: 6:23

But it's and by people you mean persons. Persons, sorry, yeah.

David: 6:26

Anyway, um what countries uh they're from, what what what um you know devices they're using, a whole bunch of things. So I was curious, I was like, what was our most downloaded or our most listened to episode? And I wish I hadn't put it in the outline because I would have I would have asked you what you thought it was, but for a while it was our first episode, which makes sense because we only had you know 50, 100 episodes, so people would probably go back to the beginning and and listen. But now it's episode 80 with Jose Monkey, and I just think that's really interesting because I'm a huge fan of his, he's got millions of followers, but we've had other people on here with millions of followers, but something about that episode, yeah. Interesting.

Gavin: 7:04

That and it was a particularly funny one, I might add. Um, but that is not what I would have expected. I mean, if you had said what do you think is our biggest listen? Gosh. I mean, I don't want to out anybody or embarrass anybody or offend anybody. So uh anyway, this is not what I would have guessed. But hey, no offense, Jose Monkey. Yeah, thank you.

David: 7:23

We love all of our guests, every single one of them. And you know what else I love? Tell me, Thanksgiving. Yes, it's tomorrow. Um this is a uniquely American version of this holiday. I think every kind of a lot of cultures have this sort of holiday, but like we in America, we overeat to celebrate pilgrims raping and pillaging the natives. I don't really know what it's about, but it has ended up becoming this like very family sitting around a table eating uh a holiday. And it's tomorrow, listener. So tomorrow. Happy Thanksgiving, listener.

Gavin: 7:55

Happy, happy Thanksgiving. Years ago, I was on tour with uh, I believe it was 42nd Street. I was in Dallas and I was walking around downtown Dallas, which is not something anybody on the 42nd Street tour, let alone anybody, period, has ever really done, I believe, walking downtown Dallas. And there's a monument to Thanksgiving there. And at first I thought, what? And then I saw that it was consecrated or unveiled or something by governor at the time, George W. Bush. And I immediately thought, oh brother, he's making this into a religious thing. He's making it this, that, he's making it super schmaltzy bush. But then actually I looked around it more, and it really wasn't that way. It was absolutely a m a monument to the act of giving gratitude and date. Here we go. It was there, it was there that it all began. And I realized oh, so much more that A, Thanksgiving is not a religious thing. B, it is founded in a terrible history. But see, you know, there's Canadian Thanksgiving, there's cultures that celebrate the harvest, and they give thanks to, you know, Madonna Cher and all of the gods in the world who make it possible that we can gorge ourselves. And ain't we grateful for that? So Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

David: 9:16

Yeah, happy Thanksgiving. Um, I have something helpful for you. I have a dad hack this week. And it's not actually a dad hack, it's more of a I don't know what it is, but we've talked about it a little bit before. But I had this experience this weekend with my children who were 90% great. It was a pretty good weekend, but the 10% was so bad. I felt my anger rise to the point of where I was gonna leave the family and move to Idaho. And so I realized I was thinking about the wise words of our god, Miss Jinx Monsoon. And she would talk about water off a duck's back. And I realized that I I think of parenting sometimes as like, I've gotta fix why my kid's crying, I've got to fix why my kid doesn't eat well, I gotta, I gotta fix whatever the thing I decided is a problem. And the truth is, and every parent knows this, a lot of the time, if not the majority of the time, it's bullshit. It's not real problems to fix, they're just being dicks. Children are dicks, and so the solve lies on you letting that shit go, letting that shit wash over you, let the complaining that you don't get the third cookie wash over you. Because what I do is I ingest it and it builds in my stomach, and then I yell at my kids and then you take the bait. I totally take the bait. Oh my god, it's like a Facebook argument. I totally, it's cadmif to me. And so I realized this weekend, I had to re-realize because I have to keep telling myself this is that when they're in those states where there's not actually a problem to solve, they're just being dicks, you have to let it go. They you can't fix it on their side, you just have to let that water roll off the dice back. Thank you, Jinx monsoon.

Gavin: 10:58

If we could possibly internalize that, we would all be better off. But instead, we will continue to forget about it. We will continue to forget about it, internalize it, forget about it until after the fact. And yeah. Uh well. Well, things that I won't forget. Um, I have a what would you do, David?

SPEAKER_02: 11:18

What would you do?

Gavin: 11:22

So last week my son had some friends over. Very good.

David: 11:26

I can't believe you didn't sing it, by the way. I just want to point out our listener out there is very disappointed that you didn't sing it.

Gavin: 11:32

Well, you put in the sound effect, so uh we've we're mature, we've moved on. We're cool now. We don't elevated. This is an elevated podcast now. So um, my son and some friends were sitting around. I am friends with all these kids. I respect them, I like them, and I like the parents. Something happened though, and I didn't know what to do in the moment. I was so taken aback. The boys were sitting around and they were kind of doing this chant thing like, uh, my name is Rick. I got a big dick. And I did overhear them say that a couple of times, and uh, I let it go. Then one of the kids said, Okay, pretend my name my voice is really high, and I'm gonna say, My name is Ray, and I am and I heard him muffle it a little bit. I was doing the dishes, and I immediately snapped a lookover at one of the kids who didn't say it, and that kid immediately said, I didn't say it! He did, he did, he did. And I, in the moment, I was so taken aback by it. I admit I did nothing. But boy, have I been thinking about it incessantly for a week. You didn't let it roll off your back. No, no, there was well, I hadn't heard your hack yet, so now I will. Now I'll be able to. And ultimately, I chose not to make it a big deal, obviously. But before I go into a little bit of my existential um uh odyssey on this topic, I want to know, David.

SPEAKER_02: 13:07

What would you do?

David: 13:12

I regret asking you to sing it. Um so I I think my initial, I'll just tell you my gut. My gut said, I have said some heinous shit before. Well, I I do not have a great history of being a preteen and saying kind things, okay? Uh-huh. However, it didn't seem malicious. I think I would have been like, oh, you mean gay? Yeah, he's totally gay. I know Rick. Haha. Like I would have uh released the tension a little bit. I would have been like, you could say gay, like my name is Dave, and I am gay. Like that is totally fine. If it was like, my name is Bob Sagitt, and you know, and then we went on, then then I think I would have said something. But I think I think it that way, like, take the air out of the room. Guys, yeah, you know I'm gay. Gay is a funny word. It's it's probably your top five favorite words. Go ahead and say gay.

Gavin: 14:05

And you rhymed it. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And you just rhymed it. And what's the big deal? Like, yeah, you know, the the dicks out there are not pissed off that they were rhymed with, right? So you know, I think I think you're very right. And it I again, I didn't make a deal out of it. Um, I do yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen to me. Listen to me. You're right. You're right. Period. You're right. Love it. That's all I wanted to hear. Okay. Uh, moving on to news of the week. Guess what? There's absolutely no good news in the week. Oh, man. None. I mean, none. There really, I mean, there's some little points here that we get to like notch um a little win here and there, but really, there's no good news. I will say this piqued my interest, though, and it falls under the good category, which is a hotel in Massachusetts, not you know, Utah or West Virginia. Massachusetts uh had to apologize to a lesbian couple because a security guard ejected them from a bathroom. Why? Because one was mistaken for male. Now, a lot to unpack here, not the least of which is it's Massachusetts. The assumptions made also trans rights in bathrooms surely is fine in Massachusetts. Please correct me if I'm wrong. But let's focus on the good here, which at least the hotel did the right thing and they apologized, right?

David: 15:32

Right. I I will I will not take the bait on this one. I will say there is only positive to the story, which is I had to apologize and not the fucking insane thing that we do, which is all reducing down to you must check your genitals at the door. I need to see your pussy, I need to see your dick. Or are we talking about presentation? Are we allowing the bearded trans man in? Like, what are what are we fucking talking about? I just want to shit in peace. That's all I want. I don't care if you have a pussy between like I I anyway. I'm not taking the bait, Gavin. I saw, I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. Okay. This is a positive.

Gavin: 16:07

So the hotel apologized. Good for them. Speaking of good for them, we have a div of the week.

David: 16:14

Oh, yes, we do.

Gavin: 16:15

Now, this one, yes, but this one has special meaning because soon coming up, our guest of the week looks he is a doppelganger as a different dead ringer for our Dilf of the Week, who is the dad from Inside Out. Does he have a name? Who knows? We've talked about him many times on here, but he has not been featured on our page of um uh our framed Dilf of the Week. So No, he doesn't have a name.

David: 16:41

He you meet him in the parking lot of a rest stop in his family Subaru to give him roadhead in the minivan. Like that, you we don't need to know his name. We just know you have this delicious mustache, you're gorgeous, and we love you. And and this is also our guest coming up. Um Dead Ringer. Like, literally Google both of their names and and tell me that they're not the exact same person.

Gavin: 17:04

We'll have a side-by-side later.

David: 17:06

Yes.

Gavin: 17:06

And hopefully, well, anyway, insert joke here. Um, speaking of inserting jokes, guess what else is coming up? What? Our top three list. Gate three jokes. Top three list, three, two, one.

David: 17:19

Did you did you pull a muscle reaching for that one? That transition?

Gavin: 17:22

Last week. Last week, I gave a stupid topic. And even though David did his research on it and I did not, uh, I'm gonna change the topic because we're gonna simplify this and I'm gonna underthink it and just uh let water off a duck's back and move forward with simpler um top three lists, all right? So ignoring what it was last week, listener, thank you for paying such close attention and probably making your own top three lists alongside of us. Let's just make this easy. Tomorrow's Thanksgiving and it's fantastic, and we're all about the gratitude. And what is our gratitude most for? Side dishes. I just want to know what your top three side dishes are, okay? Now, I do think that honorable mention goes to mashed potatoes, so I'm just taking off the pla off the uh off the table for me anyway. No. And I want to just go with what I absolutely love, which is number three, the only time of the year that I love Brussels sprouts. I love roasted Brussels sprouts with bacon. For me, number three, uh, love those. Number two, green bean casserole. The only time of the year that I actually like green bean casserole, but the right amount of crunchy onions on top, come on. I tried to make a bougie, like barefoot contessa from scratch, fresh ingredients. It was, guess what? You know, terrible. You just need it out of a can. And I love um that taste of my childhood. Green bean casserole.

David: 18:43

You love it in the can. You do you do love it in the can.

Gavin: 18:46

I do. I enough said. And then number one, stuffing. Really good, moist, big, chunky stuffing. Number one hands down, especially when it's big and juicy. What about you, David?

David: 19:03

Okay, so um, I had exactly eight seconds to think about this list. But what I realized when I was thinking of like what are my favorite side dishes, they there's a theme that came up, which was branding. And the the it's not just like I want mashed potatoes, I want a specific brand. So here is my personal top three side dishes. And number three, Pillsbury crescent rolls. Okay. I know they're a little sweet, but they are the perfect density to scoop, and they're nice and soft, but they still can hold their shape when you're scooping the mashed potatoes off the side of the plate. Um, number two, a little bit of a um uh a crossover, stoffer's boxed stuff. Really? Okay, you're kidding. Nothing fresh. If that if that stuffing is fresh and homemade, throw it in the fucking garbage. I want the boxed, perfectly cubed. Yeah, yeah. And it's gotta be a little bit dry because then I pour extra gravy on top of the stofer's box.

Gavin: 19:56

I was so jealous of the mythical. Little boys on television when I was growing up who got to have stovetop stuffing. Remember the commercials where they're like, I want to go have dinner at David's house, they're having stovetop humming or stuff stuffing or whatever it was. I never once in my entire life have I ever had not one time, stovetop stuffing.

David: 20:17

You know what? Now that we're a successful podcast and making in millions of dollars, why don't you just buy yourself a box at the dollar store, by the way? They sold it at the dollar store. And number one, the indisputed best side dish for Thanksgiving is Jiffy corn pudding casserole. That shit is so bomb. It's literally just a can of cream corn, a can of corn, two boxes of jiffy corn mix, and I think like some water or something. It is so fucking delicious. It's just a little bit sweet. So it like prepares your taste buds for the next round, which is dessert. First dessert because there's two rounds of dessert. Are you gonna make it be making all three of these tomorrow? Um, I might be. My mother-in-law's in town and I'm cooking everything, so I I might be doing this. I tend to to do things by scratch because I'm a total fucking asshole. But and hypocrite, by the way. Hi, have you heard the show before? We're hypocrites. Okay, next week. Next week, guys, guess what? It's December. We are officially in the holiday season. So old school. What are your top three Christmas songs?

Gavin: 21:24

Our next guest on Gatriarch is a dear friend, a dear musician, and a dear joy all around. He's a conductor, a festival organizer, a former landscaper, right? Like that was the family business. I mean, uh, no.

David: 21:39

Uh Gavin, your intro is going to be a little bit. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. No, I am not wrong.

SPEAKER_00: 21:44

No, you're not wrong. No, family business was metal and steel. Um, hobby passion is landscaping.

Gavin: 21:53

Anyway, back to me. I believe uh we are well on his he is well on his way to parenthood with his husband. Welcome, the dearly charming Joey Chansey. We will hear about metallurgy later, but we always like to start with this form of a question. How have kids driven you bonkers today? But how about when was the last time you saw another kid that made you think, oh my god, what am I doing?

SPEAKER_00: 22:17

Well, so three months ago, uh, my my best friend Sarah, who's my age, we're both 40, she came with her partner uh and their new baby. Um, little Jackson was four months old, three months old at the time, and she came out and stayed with us here in Long Island, and they were with us, she was with us with the baby for like 11 days. And he's so cute and he's so beautiful, but oh my god, I had no idea infants had to eat that much. I was like, I was like, like truly, like, I mean, you know, the the the well run dry. But, you know, I mean, she she has you know handles it with such grace, but I mean it was it it was intense. That baby did not leave her site or Matt's site, or yeah.

David: 23:11

Yeah, I mean you gotta have those titties full all the time, non-stop, whether they're your titties or your the the little titties of the cooler you have upstairs, whatever it is. Whatever the nipples may be.

Gavin: 23:22

Yes, right.

SPEAKER_00: 23:22

Just hold on, I'm gonna get a pad so I can write all this stuff down. It's good advice. Please do. We really appreciate it.

Gavin: 23:28

Okay, so um where so you are on the parenthood path pathway, which is very exciting. Can you just tell us generally where are you in the process?

SPEAKER_00: 23:37

Yeah, so my husband, Daniel and I, we started this journey in August of 2024. And, you know, we we went through, we interviewed all of the agencies and the clinics and the doctors and everything. And so uh a year and change later, we are like right at the sort of transfer stage of it all. So it's we're like we're like really looking over the fence to the like runway to babyland.

Gavin: 24:10

And have there been any surprises? Yeah, it's very exciting. Any of your surprises thus far? Um, what how do you define surprise? Well, there are we all have so many hiccups along the way, especially for those of us, a bunch of gays, who think that they can control this. You think you can control it because you're buying a baby. And then you are reminded how little control you actually have. And those are a lot of surprises, I'd say.

David: 24:35

And not the kind of surprise I was, which was a surprise to my parents, which was a surprise to me when I found out at like 20 that I was a surprise. More on that later. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 24:45

See, uh down in the south, we call that an oopsie, but surprise.

David: 24:50

Oh my god, girl. From the south, girl. Trailer. We have two Fluridians here.

Gavin: 24:54

Two Fluridians.

David: 24:55

You're from Florida. Oh my god, we speak the same language. We do. Yeah. Um, about an hour outside of Tampa Bay.

SPEAKER_00: 25:03

I will raise you an hour outside of Tampa Bay and meet you with Jacksonville.

David: 25:10

Oh no, that's where they shoot cops. I don't mean shoot cops, I mean like that's where they film the show cops. Um that is tragic. You know, I'm from a very shitty area, but ooh, Jacksonville, you you win. You win this one, actually.

SPEAKER_00: 25:23

There are good and bad parts to to every place and every city. Jacksonville is actually uh it's a really wonderful, lovely place. Like the friends and and family I have there, like it's it, it's really nice to to be from there, and it's great to go and visit. My 100-year-old grandmother is she is there, she is still living alone with um, you know, she has a little a little help, but she's still in her house. Um, so you know, Jacksonville is it it's a it's a huge city, and um, but my little sort of portion of it is is is really really sweet, really beautiful.

Gavin: 26:03

Well, that was a beautiful trip down Floridian Lane. Um Detour. But bringing it back to the kiddos, what are the hiccups have you had?

SPEAKER_00: 26:13

So we um we went with an egg donor that um was she you know, on on paper is amazing, and in real life, you know, it was amazing. And you know, like we had no idea, so we were obsessing over every single tiny detail of like, oh my gosh, she has blonde hair. But if we mix with her, like, will it like what will they look like? Is this okay, you know? But she was pursuing her uh she was doing her residency in Seattle. Um so we you know we went with her and she couldn't leave Seattle, so we went with the uh the fertility clinic that is in Seattle. And you know, we did the the harvest, which I think is such a peculiar word. Retrieval, yeah, yeah, that's better.

David: 27:04

Um and uh but it is bountiful. I like the word harvest, it's like bounty, it's like cornucopia, it's very cornucopia is very Thanksgiving on brand.

SPEAKER_00: 27:13

Absolutely. Well, I had planned that being that we're a couple weeks out. Uh-huh. Thanks for having me. So yeah. Um, so when we when we did the retrieval harvest, um we we only got I think we, you know, only got a handful of eggs, which Daniel and I both split amongst, you know, the two of us. And uh none of mine like even fertilized, and you know, two of his made it to the next stage, but then didn't, you know, go any further. So we came out with no embryos from that. That's frustrating. So yeah, it was. Um, so it was it was you know odd. That's sort of an odd feeling. But anyways, we kind of restarted the the uh the egg donor search with um uh a lot less criteria. Of course, things are so important, but it's also like what was like how many eggs is she going to you know to give?

Gavin: 28:12

It that's what matters ultimately in terms of biology. That matters more than blonde hair, frankly.

David: 28:19

But people can't understand who have never purchased biological material in an effort to create children, how fucking weird and awkward it is to to sort through these metrics and suddenly be like, Am I supposed to care that her hair parts here instead of here? Because my brain goes, Well, now my kids gonna have weird hair and they're never gonna have a job again. Your brain does really fucked up things. And what you realize is like, besides like any really important metrics, like you guys are looking for some sort of important ethnicity or height or it's like everything else is kind of like, I don't fucking know. But it's impossible to feel that way when you're buying biological material from strangers.

SPEAKER_00: 28:57

100%, which is why you think you could control all of these different, like, you know, variables of the situation. So it's like it's a bit of a bait and switch, you're like, oh yeah, and you know this, but then all of a sudden, you know, you can only control so much and um kind of letting go of the control, you know, it takes a minute, but then you know, you just realize like you're on this journey and this is gonna happen. So that was a that was a you know, like a four or so month setback. But um, anyways, we are here now. We are like, you know, in the transfer sort of stage era, and um yeah, we're we're getting excited.

David: 29:38

Yeah, very exciting, yes, and then here comes more, here comes even worse. Uh talk about self-con like control at all. Once that embryo is transferred, baby, you have you can't do anything about anything except wait by the phone. And that is especially frustrating because it it either sticks or it doesn't, and if it sticks, wonderful. But also, you can't do anything, there's nothing to do for 10 months except panic and overthink. Good luck.

SPEAKER_00: 30:06

I can't wait. I'm looking forward to that.

Gavin: 30:08

Well, speaking of what are you what are you looking at what are you most looking forward to at this point?

SPEAKER_00: 30:14

I'm looking forward to there's a there's a lot of things. It's you know um I'm I'm looking forward to being a dad. It's something that I have always wanted to do. And you know, I I didn't I didn't realize that I had the kind of paternal instinct that I have. And as I've gotten older, that's developed more and has come out in a lot of ways. Um I'm I am I'm leaning into, but I'm looking forward to like kind of the unknown. You know, we can like everyone can tell you, oh, your life's gonna change, and all of these things. And I I but I certainly believe them, but um, I am sort of looking forward to like what this new chapter will hold for Daniel and I.

Gavin: 31:02

I think it's impressive for you to immediately acknowledge letting go of control a little bit because as a conductor, you are in control of a lot, I would imagine. Or pretend to be in control of a lot when you are conducting an orchestra. Theoretically, you've got anything between three and 73 musicians literally waiting for every little muscle twitch. So I wonder how much of a Woodwigs completely ignore you.

SPEAKER_00: 31:30

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. Of course, and the violins don't look up, but you know. No, I'm just kidding. I'm kidding.

Gavin: 31:38

Yeah. Are you a bit of a control freak, would you say?

SPEAKER_00: 31:42

I'm not a control freak. I I I like to be able to like manage control of situations, you know, like specifically, you know, like what I'm like paid to do as a conductor. Like, it's probably good that I want to control the tempo or when to start the song. Um, but I I I think again, you know, different life experiences, like, you know, they sort of they they change us and they add to who we are. And I I I there's so much in life that is truly uncontrollable. I've just kind of, you know, I've I I've just kind of stepped back. I try to do my part in, you know, controlling what I can, but no, I'm not a control freak. I think uh honestly getting older, I've just become lazier and I don't have the strength to be a control freak.

Gavin: 32:34

That will serve you well. That'll serve you well. So you have had quite a storied career. You've already done a lot of really diverse things, and in particular, I think it's interesting. You've kind of jumped from um regional productions tours Broadway to also music festivals that you've run entirely, which not everybody is capable of doing, and you've had a really interesting gig of late. What pops into mind when I say, what are some of your favorites?

SPEAKER_00: 32:59

One of the, I mean, the thing I think that I love the very most is um standing in front of an orchestra or being in the orchestra pit and looking at the stage conducting. Um there's just there's something about it to me that's like it's indescribable. And I think when I when I am in those situations, it's a little bit like, you know, not to get like all emo, but like it it's please. I'm here for it. I'm here for it.

Gavin: 33:26

Absolutely here for it.

SPEAKER_00: 33:27

Oh, that's right. You you're the emo one.

unknown: 33:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 33:30

No, I mean, I I think some you know, when I pick up the baton and I start like conducting and making music with people, I'm like, this is like this is exactly what I'm supposed to do, meant to do, and it's also like this is like who I am. Um but I also love to to do sort of a lot of things under the production um umbrella, like producing and coordinating, and you know, all kind of like production design. And um, you know, I had a teacher in high school, she said, you know, when you go off to college, you know, you don't have to do it all, but you should learn how to do it all. And so I I you know I sort of paid attention to that, and all those different skills kind of set me up. You know, one of the things that uh I did, it's been uh a couple years now, but I ran a music festival that was in the Pocono Mountains, and uh it was it was multifaceted. I mean, I was I conducted the orchestra for you concerts, but I coordinated the contracts with the artists and booked the venues and like made the lighting and sound, you know, equipment list and directors and choreographers and um budget and all of that. It was um it was great and it was an incredible learning experience. Um but I I think you know that to be stretched, you know, sort of that far and wide. Um I'm glad I did that when I was younger. But I, you know, the the things that I've taken from that have been invaluable.

David: 35:02

I feel like the best conductors I know uh at least fully understand the the the language of the every instrument. They they don't need to play the French horn and the double bass and everything, but they understand how they are played, what the fingerings are like, where the range is like and and I we all know conductors who are just like I just wave my stick in the air and they play, and then we know some who really understand how each of these instruments plays into the whole. And it's the same thing with on my end, like directing live events. It's the same thing, like I don't design costumes, but I fully understand how costume designers not only work, but the language they speak in. And that always nets, I feel like a great leader as somebody who isn't trying to play the French horn, but understands what and how you do it.

SPEAKER_00: 35:45

Yeah, no, that's that's like incredibly well said, too. Yeah, I mean, they're especially like in like a musical theater Broadway setting, the you know, the music director um is is like coordinating and speaking to like a bunch of different departments, the crew, the creative team, the design team, the orchestra sound, and you know, musicians. And you know, there's there's sort of a bit of you know, like language and communication that's a little special to each.

Gavin: 36:13

So when did you ever have a communication breakdown where there was the it was driving completely off the road and you had a shit show in front of you with a baton that you're legally allowed to tell us?

SPEAKER_00: 36:26

I mean, I mean, I don't I don't want to brag. I don't know if that has it. I don't think I can recall like a shit show. Like I've never I've like I've never had to stop a show, I've never stopped uh stopped a concert, I've never stopped a song. Well that's good. Um you're like good for you. Yeah, well, so I I I think gave into also to like uh it it kind of goes with the like letting go in the control um the control free thing. Ironically, the show that I met your husband on, Todd, um was like that was certainly like a life-changing like time for me and event and you know the different sequence of of things that happened, but um I was conducting um Lakage of Fall, the the tour of the that the last Broadway revival. But um, you know, I he sent me on the road and I you know we were in tech and then things you know sort of changed up a bit, and you know, the next thing I know I'm the conductor and um you know I had you know it was it's it's a it's a it's a um it was a very sort of involved score and show. It was a small orchestra, and you know, we had you know two exceptional, you know, leads, and um, you know, one of them kind of would improvise or take a verse off or two or change the lyrics or you know, whatever, or jump places in the song. And I uh I was just like, you know what? I had a little microphone that I would say to the orchestra, stop playing, just stop playing. And and I would just like just I would just keep playing and follow, you know, follow them along, and as Todd and I would say, liberace it up and just like you know, and then get them get them back on track, and then I tell the orchestra we're back at measure 42.

David: 38:29

And I'm I know exactly who you're talking about, and I know all those stories because the co-star is a very close friend of mine, and the stories I would hear, I'd be like, How could you possibly do a show every night with that sort of volatility? Like, how would how do you do it?

SPEAKER_00: 38:44

I I to be honest, it was actually like it it it it was so like sweet and sincere, and like it was kind of like it became kind of fun, and I would always say, you know, people were like, Oh, how you know, how was the show tonight, whatever. I was like, we didn't stop.

SPEAKER_02: 39:01

It was great.

SPEAKER_00: 39:02

We didn't stop the show. We we did the show and we we didn't stop, nothing stopped. And I I I say that actually like like sweetly. It was that experience where I just was like, you know what? I'm I'm just gonna like make this happen and work, and I I can't control it. Yeah, so no, there has never been a train wreck shit show under my direction. Right. But of course. Now I just jinx myself.

unknown: 39:29

Right.

Gavin: 39:29

But well, you're waiting just wait until you're a parent, and then there will be a shit show of train wreck that you have to manage there. But I would say that this is a perfect example, though, of having to manage a shit show and you keep going. And the fact that you have the ability that you're not only playing the piano and conducting at the same time, but to just say calm, I would imagine calmly, just everybody stop. We're not gonna panic, but I'm just gonna noodle along and make shit up. And then eventually the musicians who are all professionals know are smart enough to be like, okay, here we go, and we're back in at 42. That's I mean, not many people have that ability, including musical directors, I would say.

David: 40:04

Well, especially if you're on a tour and you have, well, I don't know, you're picking up five, ten local players who don't know, don't have this kind of back and forth. And you probably have a a solid person in each uh um area of the orchestra, but that's that's gotta be hard for those locals too.

SPEAKER_00: 40:18

It it was well, at the the the the rehearsal, you know, at each city, I would tell them that and they all thought I was joking. And I'm like, I'm like, no, I'm not, I promise you I'm not joking. And then when it really happened, they were like But we traveled with four musicians and we picked up four musicians. So that's a small band. It was yeah, it was a small band. That's nice, but it but nonetheless, that that experience like taught me a lot. It's just like, you know what, you can't get worked up, you can't like get historical, you just yeah, panic, panic. You just gotta like sort of roll with it, and you know that's really creative.

Gavin: 40:56

We did.

David: 40:57

So speaking of panicking, I'm curious because you were on this precipice of being a father, something you've thought a lot about, you're excited about, um, you have the wherewithal to know that you don't know everything. What is there anything specifically that scares the shit out of you that's coming that you know that's coming?

SPEAKER_00: 41:15

Lack of sleep.

Gavin: 41:18

Well, make peace with it. Make peace with it.

David: 41:20

Yeah, if I can give you any piece of advice about that, splitting the nights in half saved our marriage. Because in the beginning, we would either go back and forth like your turn, my turn, or it would just be whoever woke up and whoever wasn't pretending to sleep anyway. And what it had resulted in was eight hours of not really ever sleeping because you're always kind of on the clock, versus you know what, from eight to two a.m. it's your time, and from two to eight or whatever it is, and that saved you because you knew you got four hours of sleep no matter what. And it was always I would sleep in the living room, and it saved it saved us because that those first three months are fucking torture.

Gavin: 41:58

Yeah.

David: 41:59

That's a great idea.

Gavin: 42:00

Yeah, no, same. Um, before getting launching entirely back into um babyhood, which we will, I am curious, you've had a really, really unique musical experience just recently. Will you tell us about that trip to the Vatican?

SPEAKER_00: 42:13

Sure. You know, so 10 years ago, actually, I started music directing one of the choirs at St. Paul the Apostle, just as like a like a for sort of like fun side side gig. You know, I took it and was like, yeah, I've got plenty of time to do it. And then I then that summer I was doing two Broadway shows at once in a music festival and you know, making omelets for the neighborhood and all, you know. But um uh so I I had you know, I've been with the choir, it's grown and grown and grown and grown. Um and then during the pandemic, you know, everything sort of shut down, and then they had offered me the job as the like you know, director of music, full-time position. And um interestingly enough, I uh I said, no, no, no, no, no, no, you know, when when the everything reopens after the pandemic, I'm gonna just be so in demand and so busy with theater, I just couldn't possibly. But then my husband Daniel and my grandmother were like, you have to take this. Like, what are you thinking? This is perfect for you. So I took it, and anyways, the the the program has grown and grown and built up. So we went on a went on a 10-day pilgrimage to Italy. We did four concerts, three masses, and we sang at uh St. Peter's Square for the what they call the papal audience. And you know, going over there, we had uh we have a really talented composer who you know he wrote a song using Pope Leo's words from his first homily and his first speech. So we went over and you know, we let our our friends, our you know, correspondents at the Vatican know that we were coming over with this song. And you know, the letter of like who we are, St. Paul's is incredibly inclusive in the LGBTQ community is is like very strong in that parish, which is why I have I'm happy to sort of give you know myself to that program. But anyways, we were over there, and you know, it was like the last day of the trip. We go to this papal audience. There's like tens of thousands of people there, and you know, we just thought we were gonna sing a little bit of this song when he goes by on the Pope mobile, and you know, we had sort of made like cute signs like NY loves Pope Leo, sort of like the iHeart NY shirt. Right. And um so then we like wait through security, it was like pretty disorganized, and then this escort, you know, brings us up to the front to these seats. I'm like, great, we have seats. They go, oh no, no, no, no, no, no, turn around, and then they walk us back around, and I'm I'm bringing up the rear, and all of a sudden the escort walks us to like the the front steps of St. Peter's Basilica, and I I round the corner and there's like 50 chairs set up and there's a microphone, and I was like, oh crap, like we're we're not just singing this, you know, in passing, we're like singing this for like a hundred thousand people and the Pope. And my first thought was for is one microphone enough? And then my second thought was, oh my gosh, I wish we would have rehearsed this short version of the song more. And the my third thought was, I wasn't wearing a blazer because it was hot and I had sweat out my other blazers. So I was like, oh my gosh, my grandmother's gonna be so disappointed. And then after that, after all those you know vanity things, then I realized, oh my gosh, like we're we're have been bestowed this incredible honor um to sing for the Pope and in front of all these people. And I also think that Jester on the Vatican's part speaks volumes, having selected and you know, chosen um, you know, a church like St. Paul the Apostle. And you know, we were very articulate in our letter that the choir is made up of like a wide array of people from the LGBTQ community, different faiths, all of the above. So it was it was a very special moment. And as the director, when we did around that corner and we, you know, we went to our seats, I got to watch on every choir member's face, like watching them process what was happening and like seeing like in some way or another, their lives sort of change like right in front of my eyes. It was very, it was very, very cool. That's awesome. That's awesome. Thank you.

Gavin: 47:03

It so as a musician, then I'm curious. Obviously, music is going to be a priority. Have you thought about what lullabies you're gonna bring to your kiddo down the line when you are a dad?

David: 47:14

And might that even include oh you have other than like back that ass up and whap and stuff like that, yeah, which is like the classics. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 47:23

Well, and I I've been I've been I've been working on those on the guitar so I can play in the industry. Love it. Yeah. Um well uh we might not start with those, but I mean, like I'm a big, big fan of Peter Polymery. They were my first concert that I ever saw. It was one of the reasons why I started playing the guitar as a young kid. Um, so I I think we'll start with there. I mean, Peter Polymeries, that's about where my guitar skills like top out. So um, but yeah, I mean, I I I do sort of think, you know, when you're kind of romanticizing the idea of what it'll be like, you know, to like bring bring the guitar into the nursery or sit with you know the baby or however and and play. I I did that with when my friend, when Sarah was here with her uh adorable baby, just sort of played the guitar, you know, with him, and just to like watch him like look around, and even you know, when he was watching me play, I was like, you know, like picking on the the strings. I was watching his little hands go like this. Oh, wow. It's really sweet.

Gavin: 48:32

David, remember when you were like romanticizing parenthood, thinking it's gonna be so beautiful when I sing to my child and and I'm like, I was thinking about that.

David: 48:42

Uh the the the like the like it's one of those things. This is this is something that uh Ann Ranking told me one time, which is so fucking true. And I was just thinking about it actually just now when you were saying that, which is you will always achieve your dreams, just never in the way you planned. And I was just thinking about that, and I was thinking you will have that experience, but it's not gonna look like that. It's gonna be something so it's gonna be in the parking lot of a 7-Eleven where something beautiful and magical happens on the way to something that happens. The moments of you wandering into the nursery and waking them up will be filled with screaming and shit, and it will not be that, but you will get that beautiful perfect moment. But I was just thinking of the I was thinking the same thing, Gabin. It was like there it's that that that little that little room is a battleground, but there will be little beautiful moments like well, as always, we are here to just shit on the dreams of um soon-to-be parents.

Gavin: 49:31

So that is what we yeah, you're doing a good job. So we always love to be able to have those who are expecting a kid or at least on the path, and then we we always make the promise that we're gonna have you back afterwards, and then we completely forget about you. So don't take that personally. We've done it to everybody, but uh we we want to be I love being able to do a speed round questionnaire, and I pledge that we're gonna get back in touch with all of the folks, about four or five guests we've had who um have had kids since they were guests, and uh we're gonna revisit those tests because we write them down, okay? So here's a speed round for you, all right? Okay, I'm gonna take a sip of water. Yeah, that probably a good choice. Um store bop pouches of food or pureeing organic vegetables.

SPEAKER_00: 50:13

Oh god. Uh we'll start with organic puree and probably move to the next. Nice the the latter.

Gavin: 50:20

Who's the disciplinarian, you or Daniel? Unclear. Go ahead. I I if I had to guess speed round. Keep in mind, Gavin.

SPEAKER_00: 50:30

So it's just so talk quickly. Well, no, I but sorry. Okay. Uh um no, not you, Gavin. I'm making fun of Gavin.

Gavin: 50:38

Yeah, no, he's always mocking me, don't worry when in doubt. But answer, but go ahead and say what you want.

SPEAKER_00: 50:46

But answer the question. Well, if I had to guess now, it would be Daniel, but I have a feeling that actually it might be me. Just because like I I was like uh brought up with like really kind of strict manners and this kind of stuff.

Gavin: 51:01

Oh, yeah. Southern genteelism and a control freak with a baton. I have a feeling that it will be you. Co-sleeping, baby in bed.

SPEAKER_00: 51:07

That's the wrong fork.

Gavin: 51:08

No, I'm just kidding. Coach sleeping. Get your elbows off the table. Co-sleeping, baby in bed or hell no? Hell no. Pacifier, is that gonna be a hard no or whatever stops the crying?

SPEAKER_00: 51:23

Uh whatever stops the crying, let's be honest.

Gavin: 51:27

Staying home versus going out, are you gonna be the baby adapts to our lifestyle or we don't leave the house for six months?

SPEAKER_00: 51:33

Um, I would say somewhere in between.

Gavin: 51:36

Germaphobe or building immunity with grime? Building immunity with grime. Good. Um, and something you will absolutely not repeat from your parents. It's all right. You're not criticizing.

SPEAKER_00: 51:51

Um, absolutely not repeat. Um uh Velveeta shells and cheese.

Gavin: 51:59

Something that you will adopt from your parents in parenting.

SPEAKER_00: 52:04

Um I think my uh my mom's like like warmth and like attentiveness um to to making like events and moments special, birthdays, Christmas, you know, Easter, like, you know, it wasn't like like like this lavish, you know, setup, but it was just like, oh, the Easter bunny came and you know this, and you know, I think those are those are really sweet, you know, memories. Uh, you know.

Gavin: 52:37

One last one. Did does your um is your grandmother still super invested? And she must be excited too about soon being a great grandmother.

SPEAKER_00: 52:46

She's thrilled. Yeah, I mean, I sh I mean and and she has like you know, everything that we like talk about, like, you know, obviously, you know, she's sharp as a tack, but like she remembers everything, she's interested, she's curious, she asks questions. Every time we talk, you know, it's it's I'm always so um fascinated uh and yet not surprised by her for someone who's a hundred years old and what she has seen in the course of her lifetime. No doubt. You know, I mean, and you know, then to be a hundred years later, a hundred years uh to be a hundred years later, um sitting at her breakfast table with her grandson and his husband talking about the baby they have on, you know, on the way.

David: 53:34

Oh to be a hundred years and be in Florida and not use the F slur and the N-word all the time, you're you're a winner. You're you've already surpassed most of my family. So I think you're good to go.

Gavin: 53:47

All right. Well, Joey, thank you so very much for demeaning yourself and being on our stupid little podcast. We wish you all the best and can't wait to make open promises about having you back after the baby is born. But we will we will do that. I'm I'm I'm shitting on ourselves, mainly on David, to say, let's do this. Let's bring the people back, okay?

SPEAKER_00: 54:08

I I'm gonna follow up because I want to be back on this. Good. Okay. I yeah. No, thank you guys for having me. I want to do it at month two and a half. That's what I want to have you back. Great. You're like, I'm gonna I want to get you at your worst.

David: 54:21

The worst it will be absolute worst because in three months you can start doing sleep training and then you get maybe a 12-hour block of sleeping. But right at that two and a half month mark, where you've literally re- rethinking everything you've ever done in your life, um, that's when I want to have you back on. Yeah, that's around 6 p.m., if that works for you.

SPEAKER_00: 54:40

Oh, great.

David: 54:40

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Right, right at dinner time or bedtime. Grandmother hour. No, it's an hour before an hour or two before bed. That's when the that's when the fun really starts. Well, great. Hey, Daniel, did you hear that?

SPEAKER_00: 54:52

I got a I got a date. You're on duty.

Gavin: 54:56

Thank you, Joey.

SPEAKER_00: 54:58

All right, gents.

Gavin: 54:59

So, my something great this week is kind of the way I opened this topic with Instagram. I have found an interesting um handle that I like to follow, which is called Tribes, T R Y B Z. Actually, their handle, their handle is at join.tribes, again spelled T R-Y-B-Z. And it seems to be their description is a member-led IRL activities and experiences for the gay and queer community. Find your people, find your vibe. And I just think it's really cool that there has been this organic uh community built of um uh queer people coming together in London, mind you, and they just do activities together. And it makes me super jealous. And I just want to admittedly, I'm also exhausted watching them, and I just want to stay on the couch and look at them on Instagram, but they do lots of yoga classes together. But they went on some canal trip of London. I didn't even know London had canals, but of course it does because of Europe, and lots of conditioning classes. So there's a lot, there's a lot of focus on abs, but also like escape rooms and dance parties and a sound path, forest bathing. Oh, and uh a member mixer and a musical workshop, and uh my personal favorite, I got a handstand um uh workshop with a Seb. So you can work on your handstands. But how cool that it's just an organic group of people who came together and they're like, We're not here for this act, maybe they are, we're just here to like uh create community and in that world especially at this time of Thanksgiving. What is more important this is your favorite this is where you're shining, Gabe. This is gratitude season rather than friends and community to make us all feel seen. Oh Jesus. What about you? Um about you, David.

David: 56:42

It is all kidding aside, the majority of I feel like queer communities have been born out of sex, like hookup culture or dating, right? Like, oh, that's my ex-boyfriend, you should meet oh like that. Is an organic way that most, I feel like gay men kind of create community. But this is awesome that this is uh there's one of these in my community as well, which I think is really cool. I've never been to it because I'm just fat on the couch. But um, yeah. All right. So um my something great this week is I the some of you know, some of you don't. Um I speak Spanish and I'm learning Dutch right now. And so learning another language is kind of fun and it's cool and unlocks things. I don't get to use it very often, but we are doing this crazy work on our house right now, and I have a lot of people in and out of the house every day ringing my doorbell, and it's like insane. And every once in a while, well, some someone will come up and they clearly um are Spanish speaking and don't speak very good English, and they're kind of nervous about it. And so when I start speaking to them in Spanish, the wave of relaxation and just their shoulders drop, like you can see how tense it makes you makes them to feel like they're they're they're they're nervous or they're not speaking well. And then as soon as you're like, oh no, you're fine, I'll I'll speak in your language. The whole the way their whole body relaxes, it was exactly how I felt when I went to Bogota this summer, and I thought I was gonna like fucking talk to everybody, and the guy in the cab just started screaming at me and I couldn't understand what he was saying, and I just my whole body was tense. And so my something great this week is learn a language and find somebody who speaks that language and speak it to them. You, you, you go speak their language.

Gavin: 58:11

It's as simple as that. And that's our show. If you have any comments, suggestions, or general compliments, you can email us at gatriarchspodcast at gmail.com.

David: 58:20

Or you can DM us on Instagram. We are at Gatriarchspodcast. On the internet, David is at DavidFM VaughnEverywhere, and Gavin is at GavinLodge on AFL. Please leave us a glowing five star review wherever you get your podcasts. Thanks, and we'll build community with you next time on another episode of Gatriarchs.