The one with a combined credit score of 435

This week, we are BACK baby, with the same tired old bullshit we've been peddling for years. David recants his Disney cruise vacation while Gavin tap dances in Alabama. 

Questions? Comments? Rants? Raves? Send them to GaytriarchsPodcast@gmail.com, or you can DM us anywhere @GaytriarchsPodcast

Transcript

Gavin: 0:00

Quick question.

SPEAKER_01: 0:01

Why is gay dad fashion either sad hoodie or pride once a year? Well, thankfully, Gaddy's exists because they understand that gay dads deserve clothes that say, I'm nurturing, I'm exhausted, and still hot.

Gavin: 0:13

Gaddies was started by a gay dad who looked around and said, Why do straight dads get all the bad graphic tees?

SPEAKER_01: 0:19

They make hats, tees, hoodies to let the world know that you're a dad. But like a hot gay one. David, you literally will not take off your yes Gaddy hat. Yeah, but you're weirdly committed to your caught in a dad romance t-shirt, like emotionally and spiritually.

Gavin: 0:33

I own it. It's perfect for school pickup, play dates, or explaining to strangers why your kid has two dads and better outfits than they do.

SPEAKER_01: 0:40

Gatriarch's listeners get 20% off with code GAY20. That's G-A-Y-20.

Gavin: 0:46

Dressed like the Gatriarch you are, or at least the one you used to be before bedtime was at eight.

SPEAKER_01: 0:51

Go to heygaddies.com. That's H E Y G A D D I E S dot com.

SPEAKER_00: 0:58

You know, actually my kids were really awesome yesterday, but I'm not sure it's worth what? No, that's not that's that's not this show. That's another show. Take that shit somewhere else. And this is Gatriarch's.

Gavin: 1:25

So happy New Year.

SPEAKER_00: 1:27

Happy New Year.

SPEAKER_01: 1:28

How are your holidays? How are my holidays? Let me start. Let me weave let me tell this tale um from the end and we'll work our way backwards. I'm gonna start at the end of our vacation in the Orlando International Airport. Departures United. Um and let me tell you what my daughter decided to do. She decided that she was going to burn the airport to the fucking ground. And she was just her absolute worst self. And you know how when your kids are bad and they're bad in front of other people, knowing they can leverage the public aspect of it to calm you down a little bit. I didn't win the battle gave in. And so I grabbed her by the shirt and the pants, like I was carrying a dochin out of a burning building.

Gavin: 2:21

Exactly. Actually, I was thinking an oversized dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_01: 2:26

And it was by the way, it was all over. I want you to use the potty before we board the plane. And she said, no, over my dead body. And I said, Oh, over my dead body. And then we went back and forth. So I grab her, I pick her up like an old army backpack, and we walk into the men's room at the Orlando International Airport, and she is spitting, kicking, screaming. I get her into a stall, I close the door, I'm like yanking her pants down, putting her on the body. She's like, ah, yeah, hey. It was just fucking insanity.

SPEAKER_02: 2:53

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01: 2:53

And I'm I scream at her. I don't scream at her. I yell at her forcefully. Uh-huh. You do not get up until I see P coming out of that vagina. And the guy sitting on the toilet next to me goes, Jesus Christ. So it was in that moment I realized, oh, you are in public, and everyone is hearing you scream at your three-year-old that she doesn't get to stand up until P comes out of her vagina.

Gavin: 3:21

It was you passed the Rubicon of everybody saying, Hey, we have you, man. We we get you. Stay strong, dad, stay strong. No, you actually went a step further and got a Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_01: 3:34

And we don't know where the Jesus Christ came from. It could have been me saying that phrase to them. It could have been the fact that, like, what is this girl on fire? Like, what is what is what is making her scream? And I wanted to be like, it's because I asked her to sit on the toilet before we got on the three-hour flight. That's that's what that yeah.

Gavin: 3:50

Yeah, I would hope, I would hope that everybody gave you grace in that moment except for the Jesus Christ guy. I hope so too. Who was not wrong? Maybe his Jesus Christ also was like, Jesus Christ, this guy is a good father.

SPEAKER_01: 4:04

Jesus Christ, this guy sounds really hot and rich. Yeah, he sounds really rich. Um, yeah, as a yeah, his group five economy uh boarding. Um, so my holidays, go ahead.

Gavin: 4:16

Yeah, well, you were flying through Orlando, but you went on a cruise. Is that what I'm remembering? A cruise with the children. I are we gonna unpack that now or later?

SPEAKER_01: 4:27

Because we gotta that was my holiday. So um we had uh we'll talk about Christmas in a second, but my very generous mother received an inheritance and she decided to spend it on the family and wow provide all of us, all five of us. So me, my husband, and my two children and her uh for this three-day Disney cruise.

Gavin: 4:44

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01: 4:45

And the kids were fucking lit. They were so excited. We told them on Christmas morning, we had a whole game out about Mickey Mouse luggage. Like it was a whole, it was like one of those like white people videos from Christmas.

Gavin: 4:56

And or a Disney commercial, the way they would want it to be. Yeah, white people. Did you film it in landscape though, so that you could turn it into a commercial and have and be a sponsor? And make some money.

SPEAKER_01: 5:06

No, I didn't. I I don't think that way like you do, Gavin. I don't think money first. I don't read from right to left on the menu. Um, but uh I'm just kidding, I'm being a dick. Um but yeah, we went on this Disney cruise and they were super excited. So we made the really smart decision of flying to Orlando the morning of the cruise. So we we get into Uber, we go to the airport, we fly from Newark to Orlando, and then we take a bus from Orlando to Port Canaveral, and then we get on the masses. With the masses, but also with my three-year-old skipping her nap. This herein lies the problem is she chose violence for almost the whole trip. And I know I shit on her a lot, and I know a lot of it is three-year-old stuff, and a lot of it is she's just a a big feeling, she's got a lot of big feelings. But it was just all the things happening together. So the broad strokes are Disney cruises, the cruise ship is lovely, the staff is lovely, like they know what they're doing, like they they they have there's something going on all the time, right?

Gavin: 6:06

I will say, But does that feel does that feel like overstimulation because something's always?

SPEAKER_01: 6:11

It's it's the thing they do the best, which is like if you weren't looking for it, you wouldn't see characters, you wouldn't see anything overstimulating. It is very like, you know, there's a princess, but in this room at this time, like, you know, it's all very kind of hidden and lovely. I think they're trying to appeal to non-children havers. Um but the food was borderline inedible. And that's coming from somebody who has the power of an 11-year-old from Florida. You know what I mean?

Gavin: 6:38

Like all you want is chicken nuggets and french fries anyway.

SPEAKER_01: 6:41

And they have like a kid's area that's open all the time, which is like chicken nuggets, mac and cheese, french fries. Like they know what they're doing. It was so bad that my mom, who never says anything negative about anything, was like putting her fork down at like the plated dinners, like the fancy dinners. She's like, I can't. It was it was so bad that I actually filled out one of those response surveys you get afterwards, which I never do, good or bad, I never do because I'm like, I don't have the time for this.

SPEAKER_02: 7:04

Right.

SPEAKER_01: 7:05

It was it was so bad that I was like, this is like a huge deal. It wasn't like, oh, you accidentally got some cold eggs in the morning. Everything I chose at the buffet, at the plated dinners, at the kids' area, at the ice cream, it was all just either okay or real, real bad. Did you notice anybody else complaining about it or putting their forks down? No, but I also wasn't on vacation. I was taking care of my children on a boat. Do you know what I mean? One time my husband and I snuck away after the kids went to bed as my mom watched the kids to like sit in a hot tub and drink a margarita. Other than that, we were just not not, I don't want to say babysitting. That that does actually sound way worse than it was. It's just we're we're we're leading them to activities. We're doing stuff with it is all in service of them. I did not know.

Gavin: 7:49

You were the camp counselor for your children, or rather, you were the nanny at the camp counselor camp. Correct.

SPEAKER_01: 7:55

And and you know, whatever. Like it the it was net positive. We had fun, they got to spend all the time with her, lots of memories. We had like adjoining rooms, which was fun. My daughter slept in the same bed as my my mom. It was like all very lovely. There's the girl side, the boy side. Um, the shows were cute enough. Like, you know, the the the kind of Broadway style shows at the end were very cute.

Gavin: 8:12

Um, you know, it just were there shows, I mean talking about getting in the weeds of stuff that doesn't matter and certainly is putting our listener to to sleep. But were there shows that like beginning, middle, and an end, like Beauty and the Beast, or was it just review of of wicked villains and stuff?

SPEAKER_01: 8:27

Yeah, the very so there's three so it was a three-night cruise. So every night was one of these big shows. So the first night was one of those reviews. It was like, you know, Disney through the ages kind of a deal. The second night was The Little Mermaid, and the third night was Aladdin. And they were like, they weren't the Broadway versions of these, they were like the cruise ship truncated, kind of they rewrote the opening to kind of speed through some stuff versions of this. But they were normal credit book shows.

Gavin: 8:50

Everybody on the boat squeezes into theaters to watch every single one of those shows.

SPEAKER_01: 8:56

Well, they have two shows at night, and it's a pretty big theater. I mean, it's a I mean, it's it's not as big as a Broadway house, but it's not that far away. It's it's probably under a thousand people. I mean, it's it's a pretty big theater. But I think a lot of people just don't bother because the shows are at 5 45, which is dinner time, or 8 30, which is 30 minutes past their bedtime. So it was really we let the kids stay up late for the last two shows. We didn't do the review one, we did the other two. Um, but you know, they also have those guys, those guys are kickball changing, and then they're also serving ice cream, and they're also running big, like they uh, you know, I know every cruise ship is different, but I saw this one guy who had really long hair. He was very lovely. He did the opening cruise ship, like, welcome to the boat party. He was like in the kids, like, you know, they have like kids' camp during the day where you can drop off your kids, and he was like one of the people there. I saw him ushering people into the theater, and then I saw him on the stage later.

Gavin: 9:44

15 minutes later, he was Prince Ali, fabulous he, Ali Ababa. Wow.

SPEAKER_01: 9:48

Correct. Yeah, yeah.

Gavin: 9:50

Would you would you do it again?

SPEAKER_01: 9:52

No. I I I hate to say that because I I won a Disney sponsorship. And right, and thank you, Mom, by the way. I very much appreciated that. And that's why it was it was a lovely time, especially because we we had the the bill paid, but to fork over because the Disney cruise is not cheap. That is not a porn, that is not a real cruise.

Gavin: 10:09

I texted you earlier today. I did not even know that you did a Disney cruise, and I was like, You rich motherfucker. Yeah, you you claim poor all the time, but yeah, but I didn't pay for it.

SPEAKER_01: 10:18

But I I don't think I would pay for it again. It was just the again, the room's lovely, the staff lovely, like the way they organized it was lovely. But the the the the fact that that food was so inedible, like it made the kids kind of shitty because they were like, I'm so hungry.

Gavin: 10:31

I was like, I don't know what to tell you, but if you can't eat the chicken fingers, like but okay, but aside from the food, was the overall experience something that you would repeat if money were no object?

SPEAKER_01: 10:40

Yes, they're they have a private, yeah, yeah. They have a private island called Castaway K, and it's uh lovely and perfect and beautiful. And they basically took a Caribbean island and they just built Disney onto it, which is kind of like invading Venezuela.

Gavin: 10:52

Correct. Adjacent. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01: 10:54

But they yeah, it was lovely. It was lovely and lovely beach, and they had sl they they do it really right. So yes, it's a great experience.

Gavin: 11:00

Every single I I assume there's like five Disney cruises now, right? Like five big ass boats that are floating around the world.

SPEAKER_01: 11:05

Five or six boats, yeah.

Gavin: 11:07

Do they all go to that island the same day?

SPEAKER_01: 11:09

No, no, no, no. It's like every day another cruise ship is there. And then like we went to Nassau as well, so I think that it's just one of their stops, but it's for sure the best one. And I know a lot of other cruise lines have private islands, but it's for sure the best thing because they can they can hyper-curate it. Like Nassau, Nassau's Nassau, you get off and like people there selling you cheap plastic jewelry, and it's like it's kind of like both Disney's like, no, this is a curated Disney experience.

Gavin: 11:32

So the Gatriarch's takeaway for the Disney cruise is especially if somebody else is paying for it, and maybe if you sneak on some power bars to just get through the time, the magic is there, even if your children are being rotten, and even if you're just a babysitter the entire time. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. How was your Christmas? How's your holidays? It was not that exciting, uh, by any stretch of the imagination, because thank God my kids have never had any interest. We weren't really that big a yes, we were a huge Disney family while my daughter was younger. But anyway, um uh we one of the highlights was my partner actually conducted the Huntsville Symphony for their New Year's Eve uh concert. And um, he did it this actually last year, and he was such a huge sensation that they immediately invited him back. And in fact, they did a little thing. Fun fact if, you know, when a conductor can uh bows after a performance, really what the conductor is doing is giving the bow to the orchestra. They stand, they're acknowledged, and then he walks off. Sometimes he comes on for an um uh I just uh I don't know to acknowledge once again and goes off. Well, last year the orchestra stayed seated for his second bow. And at first he thought, wait, am I being insulted? What's going on? No, that's the way an orchestra gives a standing ovation, is by staying seated and giving the bow to the conductor, because usually the conductor is acknowledging the other. So anyway, he got to do that again this year. And he um this time he said, I just really want a little variety. I mean, this is like playing old Strauss music, like an old-fashioned Vienn, Vienna orchestra, New Year's Eve concert. I guess that's a thing if you're a musical person. Um he played some of that, but then he's like, Listen, Broadway's my thing. So he did a bunch of medleys of big um uh composers, like from Charles Strauss and Gershwin and whatnot. And he said, I just want to have something different. So I'm gonna have somebody uh like a third-rate wannabe mediocre talent um come out of the audience and sing a song and tap dance. And that was me. Oh my gosh. We turned it into a bit where he was like, Anybody else got some famous Gershwin songs out there? Favorite Gershwin songs? And uh my line was to say, um, can't be bothered now, which I love. And um, but I let I let some awkward silence sit there so that it would be a little more organic, so somebody else would shout out some stuff, and some other people were shouting some songs out to him. And Todd is such a a virtuoso on the piano, he can just kind of launch into songs. And so he starts playing, and everybody's like, Oh, this is so great. It's like, you know, not name that tune, but just, you know, people shouting stuff out. So then it was not bizarre that I said it. And then he invites me up on stage and I was doing my just full Meryl Streep acting of, oh, this is so embarrassing. Why did I say I would do this, et cetera, et cetera. And then suddenly I'm tap dancing. And I've sung this song 900,000 times, but never in front of 77 musicians. And that was really cool.

SPEAKER_01: 14:26

And what have you ever played Bobby, by the way? No, but I would love to. Oh, I feel like you would have been a great Bobby 100 years ago when you were young enough.

Gavin: 14:32

Yeah, I love I love Crazy for You. Um, anyway, this is how you turn in um how are your holidays into all about you being on stage, tap dancing, and singing. But I I the kids were good. Uh I think the most hilarious part uh is that my daughter, I believe I mentioned back in 2025, oh so long ago, that she maturely said to us, you know, I don't want stuff anymore for the holidays, I want experiences. And I thought, oh, this is so mature of you. You're I've been saying this for a long time. I'm so proud of you. So she said, So, what the experience that I would like, um, I want to go to Hawaii in February, and I want to go to the Bahamas in in April.

SPEAKER_02: 15:16

So something is missing.

Gavin: 15:21

Something something is missing in the logic there. And uh so the afternoon of Christmas, when she did not get a trip to Hawaii, she did not get a trip to the Bahamas, nor did she get a puppy, which is what she had then concocted for the previous 24 hours that she thought she wasn't gonna get vacation, so instead she could leverage down to a puppy. Um, she was definitely the 14-year-old disappointed by the by not getting everything she wants, you know. And it's tough. These are holidays around teenagers, early teens. It's um it's a very different experience, you know. So she was um feeling sorry for herself, despite the fact that she was absolutely buried in nonsensical gifts, uh, because we actually opted for material objects instead of$15,000 vacations. And uh, but um, and there was not enough time to just sit around and be bored in jammies, um, unfortunately, because we were performing. But hey, that is the life of show business, you know?

SPEAKER_01: 16:20

But I feel like that is the lesson we talked about a little bit before Christmas, and also we've said many times in this podcast, at least for my age children, which is about present three, present four. It is no longer like they they are they are satisfied. They have like my my kids open their stockings first because my we do stockings are from Santa and everything else is from people, and then their stocking was like an orange, a fucking slinky, a coloring. Like orange too. Like depression era bullshit. Yeah, and they are fucking over the moon. Like we uh what did I put? There was like these stickers from K-pop demon hunters. They were that was it, they were good. It was enough. And then they opened a present, and then it was like this board game, and it was like, oh, this t-shirt. And then there's just this point where it's just now about a feeding frenzy, and it's not about because or they start playing with one of the gifts and you go, you have more gifts to open. Yeah, don't keep chewing that quesadilla. You have a rice bowl over here to keep eating. And it's like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Gavin: 17:23

But will we ever learn this lesson? Because we have talked about this many, many, many times. And and uh but we're hey, we're hypocrites and we do not do what we say we do, but we hope somebody out there, listener, please tell us what it's like to actually live by our our advice and see if we were complete bullshit or not.

SPEAKER_01: 17:41

Because it Yeah, it's just so it's just so hard because you do there's this, there's this moment where you go, Oh, but I don't have enough stuff for my kids to have them to be happy, I want a great thing. And you always forget, and then you buy extra shit, and then it becomes Christmas morning, and then you remember and you go, fuck, all right, next year, and then the cycle fucking continues.

Gavin: 17:58

And also, my partner and I are absolutely terrible about communicating what we've gotten. I mean, we do have a basic list that we go off of, and but then we are gonna get, you know, a couple cute little things instead. Well, a couple cute little things turns into 37 other things that I didn't realize that he bought or that I bought it. And suddenly it's like, this is absurd. And now I am a stick in the mud, obviously, and I look at all of the shit we have under our Christmas tree, and I think this is obscene, and we should not be doing so much. It's absurd. But then again, I will say my partner's really good at just getting cutesy little like trinkets and not trinkets that you just immediately want to throw away, but things that are that are surprising and delightful, but it makes for a lot of shit under the uh Christmas tree, that's for sure. But my, you know, my biggest preoccupation, I'm sure I've said it many times actually for many years, is I want to have some kind of activity that we do together before I'm saying get off your phones, get off your phones, get off your phones. And we did that this morning. We um my son um got a remote control. He's frankly too old for remote controls, but he still loves them. We got these bumper cars ones that you bump into each other and the little character pops out, and that kept us busy for a little while. And then we got a game called um Ticket to Ride, and I was able to engage them for a little while in actually playing a board game, and that was uh my happiness on Christmas morning. Um, and then they of course did get on their phones, and um and we needed some silence anyway, so it was fine.

SPEAKER_01: 19:24

Can I go back to something else and maybe sound a little unkind, but it's uh but it's a refusion. Uh-huh. Alabama has a symphony. So I am obsessed. Or is there like a Huntsville, New York? I don't know.

Gavin: 19:39

I'm with you. I'm first of all, I'm obsessed with maps. I love staring at maps. I really, it's I'm one of those people. Okay. I have never gotten on a plane and not known exactly where I was going. But because Todd was in charge, I got to kind of be like, you just tell me what to do. I'm here to support you, frankly. I get to stand up and sing, but like you're The you're the diva here, and uh, but I'll let you be in charge. I'm not gonna um uh over-organize anything. We got on the plane, and I'm like, Well, we're going down to the coast, aren't we? And he's like, You know, it's like a 20-minute flight. I'm like, well, from Atlanta, we had to fly through Atlanta. I'm like, well, it takes longer to get to the coast. I assumed that Huntsville, Alabama was on the coast because it's got so much space shit there. The Space Force is going to be headquartered there, uh, because Trump, cuz, and um, but they also have um a lot of old NASA stuff, and I just assumed all the NASA stuff was on the coast, right? Like in Texas and Florida and whatnot. Nope. Huntsville is about two hours south of Nashville. I had no idea. So we fly to northern Alabama. Anyway, point being, yes, there's a symphony there. It's been around for a really long time, like 75 years or so. And they have it has Huntsville has the highest proportion of PhDs in the country, based upon population, because of NASA. Tons and tons of engineers and scientists. And then it's also growing because they have um, there's a big old FBI thing that's just opened there. I'm like, okay, what kind of ICE operations are just being um headquartered in Huntsville? And then um, they've just it's you can tell it's a city that's really growing. It's only 250,000 people right now, but they're projected to be double that in just a few years.

SPEAKER_01: 21:22

So yes, they have a symphony. I just keep thinking, like, a symphony Alabama, like how many times in a row can you play Proud to Be an American? Like, do they like what else do they have?

Gavin: 21:31

You did have to stand for the national anthem at the beginning. Oh, yeah. And but it was um, but I have a feeling that many, there were many friends of Dorothy on that stage for sure.

SPEAKER_01: 21:44

Um did anybody call you faggot from the audience when you popped up there on your tap shoes?

Gavin: 21:50

Right, with my sparkly tap shoes and my my festive um yeah, my festive bow tie. Yeah. No, nobody did, nobody did. But it was a mixed crowd in terms of age. I couldn't believe that the average age was not 92, the average age was probably 60, because there were a bunch of 40-year-olds there. It was impressive.

SPEAKER_01: 22:08

So wow, that you're not part of that. No, you're not part of that group. I want everyone to know. If you're a new listener in 2026, gave it to you.

Gavin: 22:16

First of all, sorry that this is the first episode you're listening to. And second of all, go ahead, David, say it. Yeah. I have nothing to say.

SPEAKER_01: 22:23

Um, but I do have something to say about my voice. If you are our first time listener, um, sorry, this is not normally what I sound like. I usually sound much gayer. Um, I am sick, and I feel like there's probably a lot of listener out there who is also sick. This is a time when flus and COVIDs and superflus and super variants and all the bullshit starts to come together, and then everyone's sick all the time. Everyone's miserable. Um, our house is no different. My daughter started coughing, and then of course, I'm immediately I this is a talk about lessons you don't ever learn. I always go, okay, everybody, no sharing glasses, covering your mouth. Like I'm like, you know what I mean? I'm like that. And then the day she starts to feel better, my throat tickles. Oh, yeah. The day my throat starts to feel better, my son starts coughing. And it is our our our one-week illness becomes five weeks. And the lesson I always ignore and never learn is just all get sick at the same time. Yeah. Just everybody just lick each other's glass. Lick each other's glasses. Yes, and just get it over with. Yeah, sure.

Gavin: 23:25

The same orange juice cup in the morning and just get it over with. You're exactly right about that.

SPEAKER_01: 23:28

Yeah. Um, and then the last thing I'll say about our holiday break before we move on is I um I had kind of what I call as like my dream Christmas party. I am in my heart, and you know this, I think, and uh other listener knows this. I am Clark Griswold in my heart of hearts. I have this unattainable romantic fantasy about big old-fashioned Christmas parties and family coming over, and it's a big old-fashioned Christmas, and it never works, and everybody gets in fights. And that is just that's just who I am at my my core. And we've always lived in either a tiny apartment or a tiny house. And well, now we have moved into a nice size house. And so I was like, Brian, I don't care what the house looks like, I don't care what state it's in, we are having a big, loud Christmas party with everybody I love. And so we did, and it was wonderful and it was a dream. And the two things that I took away from it are one, I don't know if you felt this, but oh no, you didn't, you're not married. But like at my wedding, I left the wedding feeling both totally like my cup runneth over, and also very sad because I only got to spend two minutes talking to each person of the hundred people that were there. And so there's this weird lack of like, oh my god, I didn't get to spend any time with you with all of my friends. It's the same thing at this party. There's some people I saw and waved as they walked in and then I hugged on their way out. Like, and I felt guilty about it, but I was there was a hundred and thirteen people there. That's awesome. It was it was 43 children.

Gavin: 24:56

Wow.

SPEAKER_01: 24:57

And so were that how many tears were there? Well, we have a laundry chute in our house. We have like this little hole on the second floor that you put laundry in and it falls all the way down into the basement into the laundry room.

Gavin: 25:09

Please, but some point a child went down.

SPEAKER_01: 25:12

No, it's not, it doesn't fit a child, luckily. But at some point in the evening, the kids figured out that this thing exists and they figured they could throw toys or food or anything into this hole and they could run down to the basement and go see it all pile up. And at some point, somebody tapped me on the shoulder and said, uh, David, you're gonna come to the basement. So I go to the basement, and every toy that I've ever seen in my entire life is in this giant pile underneath a thing. And you know what I said? I said, This is not gonna fucking ruin my party. This is my dream party. Everybody I've ever loved is in this room. Let the kids fucking burn it down. I will, this is tomorrow's problem.

SPEAKER_02: 25:46

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01: 25:47

Well, then about an hour later, I get another tap on my shoulder. Hey, David, uh, you don't want to come to the laundry room. I said, Oh no, no, I know. They're throwing, they're throwing like toys down there. He goes, You're gonna want to come down here. And so I go to the laundry room. And what the what they've moved on to is they've taken everything in the house. So the toys, right? My pillows, yeah, electronics, everything. Put them in the laundry sink, this big slope, and turned the water on and left. What? And so I have this home alone moment happening where I walk down there and there's just water everywhere. There's there's everything I've ever seen in there. And I was like, oh my god. And I just turned the water off and I literally went, it's not gonna ruin it. Yeah, this is tomorrow's problem. And luckily, we had a a close friend of the show, Haven Burton, who was a uh guest on the show, uh, who was there, and she was like, No. And then she tried to clean it up as much as she could, and she put some things in the dryer or whatever, but it was fucking chaos, but in the best, best, best way. So I had a great.

Gavin: 26:50

I mean, did you have kids aged from three months to 15 years old? And everything.

SPEAKER_01: 26:56

Literally, there was literally babies there, and there was literally teenagers. That sounds really in between. Yeah, and it was all like the six to nine-year-olds that were really starting to form like gangs and like like really make plans.

Gavin: 27:06

Yeah. Well, listener and I really look forward to our invite for next year to be part of all of these festivities that you've just you know wet our whistle with. We can't wait for next year. Um speaking of beginning of year stuff and next year and whatnot. Um, did you know that, David, we're on lists? Did you know that? Like, so I was doing some work on our uh website this uh over this break. Yes, the website that does exist and that we have never put any actual um All of our listeners like, what?

SPEAKER_01: 27:36

There's a website.

Gavin: 27:37

And um, I was so I was basically like, frankly, Googling us, and I found out that we're listed on lists. The advocate from 2023 lists as number two for being a it's linked in our outline right there. Okay. Um has us number two. Now, this is not a top five or anything. This is just uh look at these fabulous gay uh podcasts, but we're on it. And then the link underneath that at Feed Spot, which I do believe is a non-nothing site. It's just like somebody opened up a website and said we're we're gonna list some podcasts and just try to get our own traffic. They're just serving themselves, they're not trying to help anybody else. But we're at the top of it. Yeah, we're on some lists. I don't think, yeah, we are on some lists. I don't think this is something that we should that anybody uh or all of our friends of pods and listener who have their own podcasts should even give a shit about. And by that, I mean please don't pay attention to it and don't try to get yourselves on these lists because just let us stay there. Because it's our list now, because it's our list, but that was kind of exciting. So um anyway, that's kind of a hack is just Google yourself sometimes and you might find yourself on a list. Uh speaking of hacks, genius transition, Gavin.

SPEAKER_01: 28:50

Really, I saw that coming and it was just beauty.

Gavin: 28:52

I don't know if you have de Clark Griswolded your house yet, but I just found out this morning a really sweet way to um have a moment and a memory of your uh Christmas decorations is take a picture of your Christmas tree, or maybe you in front of the Christmas tree or whatever, and you can put it into I can't believe I'm saying this, but hey, ChatGPT and make it into a Norman Rockwell painting. And the picture is suddenly something that you might want to print out and frame for the next year and um Norman Rockwell eyes yourself yourself and have those memories forever.

SPEAKER_01: 29:28

Do you want to translate what Norman Rockwell is for our younger listeners?

Gavin: 29:32

I sure hope I don't need to.

SPEAKER_01: 29:34

Um I will say I saw that on TikTok and I was like, that is of all the stupid bullshit that we have to look at all the time. That's one that I was like, that's actually kind of a beautiful thing. Because it ends up looking really beautiful and that like that can hang on the wall in a way that like other pictures like that can.

Gavin: 29:50

Or it's just an opportunity to stop and reflect and I don't know, have AI take over another element of your life. But um, speaking of other elements of our lives, um I have some news of the week for you, okay? Mm-hmm. So as we know, the entire world is in flames. And um, if you aren't being invaded by, well, us, then you soon will be. And so just be stand, stand, you know, stand at the ready, but know that Gatrix is on lists. Uh, but there is some good news of the week, and I want to share it with you. Um, number three. I I mean, this is basically a top three list because there are three bits that I wanted to share with everybody. So uh Zorhan Mamdani, the new mayor of New York City. God, I hope I didn't hesitate saying his name. Um, it kind of felt like I did. Um, he actually assigned a woman named Lillian Bos Bonsignor to be the commissioner of the FDNY. She's an out lesbian and she has 30 years experience as an EMS director in New York City. And I just think it's cool that Mamdanny's like, hey, let's make this badass chick the commissioner of the FDNY. Now, she's not been a firefighter. I shouldn't even bring that up because that's what conservatives are all freaking out about. But also, previous FDNY commissioners have not actually been firefighters as well. They're basically bureaucrats or managers, right? So anyway, I think it's cool that this out lesbian, Lillian Bonsignor, was appointed by Mayor Mamdani, and that's cool. And then speaking of the mayors, Eric Adams, say what you will about him. I don't know, I don't have the strongest opinion, except that he seems like he was basically a disaster. But on his way out of the mayor's office, outside of Gracie Mansion, instead of just lighting a match and burning the place down, he gave$2 million to 20 trans groups across the city, basically in emergency funding. So, you know, he knew what was the right thing to do at the end. And that's uh that's a good thing. Thank you for former Mayor Adams, yeah. And then number one, uh, do you know what the Knesset is? The Knesset is the Israeli Congress. It's their House of Representatives in Israel. And their speaker is Amir Ohana, who is an out-gay leader, uh, presumably the first out-gay leader of the Israeli government. And just recently they tried to uh push through a marriage for civil unions. Now, you can't apparently get married as a gay couple in Israel, but you can get gay married elsewhere, and they will recognize it. But there are no civil unions or marriages in Israel. So they tried to pass a bill. Now, this was by the minority party, and so it definitely did not pass, unfortunately. Spoiler alert. The conservatives completely freaked out. I mean, just an international world of come on, conservatives, it's just it's time.

SPEAKER_01: 32:35

It always amazes me how much conservatives think about gay sex and gay marriage. Way too much like a like an unhealthy amount.

Gavin: 32:43

Nevertheless, it didn't pass, but I think it's pretty badass that Amir Ohana um is hey, we stand by you, Amir, and keep fighting the good fight and please try to push that bill through. And um, I mean, I think by default, he's kind of like our dilf of the week, right?

SPEAKER_01: 32:59

Absolutely.

Gavin: 33:00

Yeah, he is a D. He's got two children. They are named uh David and Ela. I mean, hopefully I didn't just expose them or anything, but yes, he's got uh children and he's got a husband, and I mean he is dilf worthy for sure. So, hey, Amir, welcome to being a gateriarch. You want to come be in up uh on one of our next episodes?

SPEAKER_01: 33:22

Well, you know what? We're not gonna do on another episode. No, that's a terrible transition. Let me try it again.

Gavin: 33:28

Um well, without a transition, let's just move on to the next topic, shall we? Sure. And that is our top three list, which we don't have this week because there is no way we were going to be able to keep three ideas in our heads the last two weeks. But for next week, we want to know at this time in January, in this frigid cold, what are the top three things you do with your children to cope with the cold? So for our something great this week, Brett Schuffert. Brett Schuford is our something great this week. He was one half of Broadway Husbands with um his husband Steven and their son Maverick, and he died on January 3rd from a very rare form of cancer. And this was a member of our community in so many ways. He was a gay father, he was an influencer and podcaster, and he was a uh Broadway performer. I never got to work with him. Uh, I don't think David did either, but he he f uh cancer took him down very, very quickly just over the past few months, and it was a shocking thing to watch. And they were both episod an episode um with sorry. Let me pass it over to you because suddenly I was thinking I'm just monologuing here.

SPEAKER_01: 34:40

No, it's okay, because I I really don't have much to say, but uh so uh what were you just saying?

Gavin: 34:46

Um They were they were podcast uh guests of ours many, many episodes ago because frankly, they were at the top of our list at the beginning thinking, well, who are the people we want to talk to?

SPEAKER_01: 34:56

Yeah, very visible gay parents. Yeah, yeah.

Gavin: 34:58

Yeah, Broadway husbands, and they had gone through so many transitions over the last couple of years, especially since COVID, when you know their careers like ours kind of didn't exactly evaporate. Changed dramatically. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: 35:10

Yeah.

Gavin: 35:11

They had made several changes and they were now live in Florida and were working with Disney. But uh we didn't know Brett well, uh, but he is um a symbol for all of us of needing to hug your children regularly and try not to yell at them too much and know that life is all too very, very short. And also, fuck cancer. So our something great this week is Brett and Steven and Maverick, but our hearts are really um with all of them, and thoughts go out to Brett.

SPEAKER_01: 35:43

And that's our show. If you have any comments, suggestions, or general compliments, you can email us at gatriarchspodcast at gmail.com.

Gavin: 35:50

Or you can DM us on Instagram. We are at Gatriarchspodcast. On the internet, David is at DavidFM Vaughn everywhere, and Gavin is at Gavin Lodge with hugs everywhere.

SPEAKER_01: 36:00

Please leave us a glowing five-star review wherever you get your podcasts.

Gavin: 36:04

Thanks, and we'll carpe DM you next time on another episode of Gatriarchs.