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"Lost horizons and Found Depths: Charting & Anchoring Self-Discovery on the Island of Parenthood's Journey"

• Moeava and Svenja • Season 1 • Episode 7

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"Lost horizons and Found Depths: Charting & Anchoring Self-Discovery on the Island of Parenthood's Journey"


Ever found yourself on a family vacation, yet feeling like you're missing out on the true experience? Join us as we share the deeply personal story of embarking on our first real holiday with our 15-month-old son. In this episode, we dive into the emotional journey, the power of heartfelt communication, and the heartwarming solutions that transformed our trip into a treasure trove of memories.

Traveling with a toddler is an emotional whirlwind. We invite you to relive the intimate adventure of navigating parenthood's first authentic family escape. Amidst the trials and the thrill of exploring the world with our little one, we lay bare the emotions of transitioning from yearning for carefree vacations to embracing the raw beauty of parenting.

But our story goes even deeper. We turn the mirror on ourselves, reflecting on how our own fears and expectations shaped our parenting journey and self-perception. The imperative of mindfulness, even during a holiday, takes center stage as we discuss being aware of gender roles. Delving further, we explore the profound impact of parental emotions on children and the uncharted territories of understanding and empathizing with our little one's experiences.

As our journey unfolds, we highlight the transformative power of open communication. We uncover how acknowledging our feelings and concerns led us to solutions that brought us closer as a family. Through this, we emphasize that nurturing parental happiness ultimately guarantees a happy baby.

Join us as we share heartfelt moments, the insights born of vulnerability, and the solutions that blossomed from our journey. In sharing our experiences, we underscore the immense power of authentic communication in the realm of parenthood. Tune in to embark on this emotional voyage of self-discovery, growth, and rediscovering the genuine joy in our first real family getaway.

Moeava :

Hello and welcome to our podcast.

Svenja:

The 2am club, the Honey Bunny special edition the holiday Maldives edition.

Moeava :

How you doing my love.

Svenja:

Today I feel very tired.

Moeava :

I think I always say that Every beginning of our podcast is feel very tired Happy, but tired Exactly.

Svenja:

Happy, but tired.

Moeava :

I'm a parent and married. How was the holidays?

Svenja:

Beautiful, it was beautiful.

Moeava :

It was really beautiful.

Svenja:

We actually wanted to record an episode in the Maldives, but then somehow couldn't get around it.

Moeava :

We did record an episode in the Maldives but there were some technical difficulties so we had to do a re-recording.

Svenja:

Yeah, exactly, we didn't get around to redo it, so today is our.

Moeava :

Yeah, because he woke up.

Svenja:

Yeah, exactly. So we had that one lunch break, the one nap. So here we are, just arriving back from our first summer holidays. Last night I went back to work. Today, little guy is not yet back at nursery. It's actually also still summer holidays in the nursery, so it's summer camp time. And, yeah, I think we wanted to share a little bit how we felt, because there were lots of feelings.

Moeava :

There was a lot of mixed emotions during this holidays.

Svenja:

Exactly Mixed emotions, but also a lot of learnings, just very practical ones, that we want to share.

Moeava :

Learning on emotion and learning on packing, and also learning on sharing the workload even better. I felt the workload on this trip was like boom on fucking point. I felt like we were F1 drivers and it was like Everything was super. I mean sometimes you were a little bit slow to give me stuff.

Svenja:

Obviously, obviously right.

Moeava :

But that one. I felt this is like big winner, winner. Chicken dinner was on the U and me teamwork. That was totally on point. I was super, so happy with that one. Also, the eating and the sleeping.

Svenja:

Let's go back to the teamwork. I mean because especially people that listen to us that don't have children. I don't know whether there's a lot about the game.

Moeava :

If you're listening to us and you don't have children.

Svenja:

Not gonna finish this sentence, not gonna finish this sentence you need to call us.

Moeava :

We need to have a talk.

Svenja:

No, but yeah, there's actually a lot of work with the little toddler. I mean, muna Nui now is 15 month old, actually, he's 16 month old.

Moeava :

I feel he's 16. I feel like I've been in this for 16 years.

Svenja:

It's only been 16 months, honey Only gonna get better. Also, they say no today. Actually I was talking to.

Moeava :

So they say, you said the same thing to that pregnant woman, exactly, totally told her the same thing. Don't worry, it gets better.

Svenja:

I still believe so the pause?

Moeava :

I still believe so.

Svenja:

It's actually talking to a colleague today who told me that his kids meanwhile are 22 and 24. Still exhausting, just different problems. True, I can't imagine, no, but really just on a very practical level, I mean having a toddler and this whole procedure Changing diaper, changing clothing, putting on sunscreen, putting on clothing, putting on, you know, like all these things packing. Do you have the milk? Do you have the diapers? Do you have the cream? Do you have this, do you have that? I mean there's just a lot of prep.

Moeava :

How much time do you think we spend just doing that, every single? Day Actually that was a great question. Great question, we had to break it down, like if we had to time ourselves like F1 changing tires. Okay, let's take Muna Nui as the driver in the car right and we're the crew, the pit crew. How much time do we spend going? We spend a lot of time.

Svenja:

Yeah, because obviously I mean the sun was super strong and I mean we know the skin of babies is a lot thinner. So I mean we're basically bathing him in sunscreen and putting on all these long-sleeve bathing suits which also, you know, it's not easy like a condom to put over.

Moeava :

If we use a condom, he wouldn't be here.

Svenja:

Did it thing. Yeah, so yeah, like, but this is a really good question, because you're just very busy doing these maintenance All the time.

Moeava :

It's maintenance, maintenance for you, maintenance for him. That's all I do all day. People ask, like what the fuck I do all day? Oh, you must just like masturbate and watch and play PlayStation all day. First of all, I don't have a PS5. Second of all, yeah, masturbate once in a while, but I mean it's like what I do all day. This is so much maintenance, work, maintenance and feeding.

Svenja:

But somehow we were in sync, like we were really doing great. I mean, I think the causes were at the very beginning, when we had him. That actually causes the conflicts, where you just are still trying to figure out who's doing what and how and you know how to share. And that was just automatic boom, boom, boom.

Moeava :

That was super good. I guess you were listening to what I was telling you Sure no.

Svenja:

And major achievement I am finally winning in rock paper scissors. You know, this was a game. I mean, I just would always lose, always, always, always, and now I finally got there.

Moeava :

So sometimes we did. It took me having a child to lose that rock paper scissors because my mind isn't that sharp anymore.

Svenja:

Wow.

Moeava :

It's like winning a race.

Svenja:

Yeah, but you did yeah, so sometimes that's what we did.

Moeava :

The only one was the second one I won.

Svenja:

I did win more than once.

Moeava :

No, we only played two times.

Svenja:

No, we played a couple more times. No, it was a 50 percent. Yeah, no, so this was great. I think teamwork sharing, you know preparing bottles, changing diaper, cleaning him, showering him, you know, doing all those things. We just were really in sync. It was one and the other we really shared well, and also, like you said, the nights actually much better than we thought so much better. I mean, yes, he woke up but it was easy to put him back.

Svenja:

It was just because he got his molar, his first molar, so he was teething and I remember that one night he was really screaming yeah, that was painful. So we just put him in between us, and, but he slept again, and then in the morning. Oh my God.

Moeava :

You're forgetting the hits with his foot in your face. He's a mover.

Svenja:

So yeah, a couple hits here and there.

Moeava :

It's super cute when he's sleeping between us. I find it beautiful. But sometimes you just like you're in a deep sleep and all of a sudden you just boom. What the fuck. It's just like Mouda Nui just like kicked you in the face and then he's he's against your back, right, and his hands are up and he's kind of like just sleeping there and he just moving his feet and it's in your face and you're kind of like, oh, so cute, ok, mouda.

Svenja:

Nui would anymore. Yeah, right, yeah. But all in all we didn't feel very exhausted in the morning. I mean, yes, you can't sleep in. Obviously he woke up at seven, Seven Around six, seven.

Moeava :

He's a slow waker-upper. This is where a little bit lucky. He's like you. He's not like me, where when I wake up, I'm up up and he's more of this slow waker-upper. Needs his coffee, does his stretching and so cute.

Svenja:

I mean, once he saw our faces and he would just say mama, papa happy. So I mean, that was priceless.

Moeava :

That was pretty cool. It was first time saying happy on the holiday. This was pretty amazing.

Svenja:

He was very, very, very happy Playing in the ocean, getting comfortable with the water.

Moeava :

Seeing wild sharks for the first time, not only at the Dubai Mall Aquarium sharks and the fishes and the birds and the trees and the planes, the boats. I mean he was, his eyes were in constant, but he had some really good naps and I mean that was pretty streamlined on that part.

Svenja:

Yeah, he slept every day at least at a two-hour nap and then, if we were lucky, another half an hour, something like this later on.

Moeava :

Food was great. Great eating, breakfast, lunch, dinner, pooping, really good. I remember I actually high-fived a woman who her baby was. How old was her baby? Again, like six, seven months.

Svenja:

Who's?

Moeava :

The Russian woman.

Svenja:

I think nine months.

Moeava :

A nine month, yeah, and then we were talking about the first day they didn't poop, and then the second day he pooped and we're like, yes, yes, there is the poop.

Svenja:

Poop we're all waiting for, yeah, because we're actually on a remote island. So obviously if something happens, it's not easy to get quick help. So that is, you just have it in your back of your mind. So, yeah, everyone is happy when there's the poop coming in. You know, everything is good.

Moeava :

I mean, this is actually where we were confronted with. Our first problem was actually the packing Right. This was. I was quite surprised on how much social media movement was on the post of the packing for the pharmacy. How many people had comments to say, some positive and some really kind of like. I don't understand why you need to share me this information like, but there was a lot of movement on that whole quite interesting On that whole packing.

Svenja:

Maybe just to so you shared or you posted a picture of the medication that we prepared to bring with us.

Moeava :

No, no, there was a picture of the medication that we have our stockpile, because a lot of people don't realize in today, in after when, with post COVID, there's a huge lack of medicine for infants because the pharmaceutical companies don't make that much money off of it. Also, a lot of the pharmaceutical stuff is made in India and China and with all the closing and the shipping and all those other problems, there is a huge lack globally. So we have quite a stockpile of infant medicine that we were able to buy in Germany and Dubai and a lot of other places. Friends were actually buying it for us. But I mean, you know, you would go to a pharmacy and you would ask for ibuprofen the very small one, what is it? The?

Svenja:

75. The 75. Not ibuprofen, paracetamol.

Moeava :

Paracetamol and the pharmacist. The first thing she would ask you like no, okay, how old is your baby?

Svenja:

And then you only get one box and that was it, if you have remember, when you went to Singapore? When you went to Singapore earlier this year, I asked I went to 34 different pharmacies. They did not have some.

Moeava :

And in Dubai they still don't have any to today.

Svenja:

I think they have some actually.

Moeava :

I still haven't seen any.

Svenja:

And ibuprofen you don't even get here.

Moeava :

No, ibuprofen, you don't get here. True so ibuprofen you don't get here.

Svenja:

But yeah, I mean, it's really a concern. Yeah, I remember that our pediatrician mentioned this to us rather early on, rather early on.

Moeava :

What we should get. Every time we went to Europe or we have friends, we would ask our pediatrician oh, what should we get? What's lacking right now? And she would tell us, like you know, this is I mean, I really love our pediatrician for that. She's really good, but people really got. They were very Quite judgy. Quite judgy on that whole thing and they didn't realize that this is not, it's the stockpile and of course we're not going to take that whole thing with us, but you know it's.

Svenja:

I mean, still, we had a considerable amount of medicine, but that was really. I mean, you have suppositories, you need something for fever, we had an antibiotics with us just in case, and so on. So I mean, there was stuff with us.

Moeava :

We have for lungs, in case he had an infection for cold DM. What's it called again?

Svenja:

Yeah, I am also missing the word the inhaler.

Moeava :

No, not the inhaler. That's what you had. Oh the inhaler, yeah, the little inhaler, yeah, we had the inhaler Special word.

Svenja:

And then we had saline with us. I mean, I would say we recovered like the most usual diseases.

Moeava :

What he normally gets Exactly.

Svenja:

And yeah, it was interesting the reaction.

Moeava :

It was very interesting to see that people actually commented on this post, which. Yeah, and I mean they don't comment on a lot of other posts, but that post was the one that people really commented on.

Moeava :

And I think people kind of forget like maybe back in the day you traveled differently because you were not traveling to some remote island or whatnot. And yes, okay, when we go to Germany we didn't have to bring that much medicine. But wow, so fast to judge. And it was this. It was just a criticism, it was just empty criticism. There was no constructive.

Svenja:

I don't think it was even direct criticism. It was more like why do you need that? Or I'm traveling without, or you know, I don't know. It was just subtle, you know you could just.

Moeava :

Yeah, okay, If you travel without, then you can just say, oh, I travel without, and the reason why I can do that is with this, this and this reason. Right, I mean, that's a constructive criticism. You can tell me that you don't need to carry that much around, fine, but then you know, tell me, okay, you don't need that, but this is what we do to travel around. Yeah, I just felt it was very empty criticism. We're just this like, oh, I just want to comment on it, but just an empty comment. Yeah, there was nothing behind it.

Svenja:

But that's again another proof how people, how much judgment there is around parenting. Yeah, quite interesting learning. But hey okay, I mean we were lucky he didn't get sick, he just wears teethings.

Moeava :

I know he just had the rashes and the teethings.

Svenja:

Yeah, some rashes, yeah, exactly.

Moeava :

And the mosquito bites and the mosquito bites right. So what we had to use the most was actually tropical creams, Tropical creams exactly.

Svenja:

But yeah, we had actually this was for the mosquito bites, that was what the pediatrician told us to get and we were ready and prepared. Then the teething gels. We have two different kinds. We used both of them because he really got his first molar and was quite in a bit of pain. And then, yeah, and then his pseudo cream for the popper rashes.

Moeava :

We had to mix with that other one. I mean we were very well prepared and the prep really paid off.

Svenja:

Exactly, and I mean what was talking about. What was really great that we prepared, or what you prepared, was the thingy that you put on the wall.

Moeava :

Oh yeah, the shoe holder, can we?

Svenja:

share this kind of picture with the podcast, maybe I think it will be nice. Maybe I can try On the website or something. I think it will be interesting.

Moeava :

The shoe rack like the hanging shoe rack that I bought off Amazon and that was just the perfect thing. I saw it on another post of parenting tip and I was like this is what I need.

Svenja:

So you basically have this hanging shoe rack which has kind of like pockets, big pockets, and you, I don't know, with the round, maybe 30 pockets, something like that, and we were hanging it into the bathroom and then in every pocket you have these, you know in one.

Moeava :

We had the diapers the cream the clothing and you can separate them. That was also the good thing. The shorts went into one line and then pants and then it was so you could fast, you could really get in there fast, easy, accessible.

Svenja:

it was organized so you didn't feel like your hotel room is completely messy.

Moeava :

Exactly, and it was hanging, so this is also nice, so it didn't take all the room. Exactly, that was such a great tip. I don't know where I saw it, on what Instagram page, but yeah, great. Hats off to those guys, because that was an amazing tip.

Svenja:

Yeah, that was really super cool. And I think what else did we buy in advance? That was super useful the towel, I think was super great. Yes, the little onesie towel, Exactly the towel that has the hole for the head and then the head has actually also a little kaputze, a little hoodie, like this hoodie towel. That was super practical because once you got out of the water you kind of can easily put it on without having to wrap him.

Moeava :

I use it again today. When I went down to the swimming pool and then I put him in there and then I brought him back here and then I did all the changes. So I don't need to bring all the stuff with me when I go to the pool.

Svenja:

So much better.

Moeava :

Hats that was on you. Yep, we had All the hats, which I thought was a lot of hats, but we had three hats and we used them all. We used every single one, so we had one hat for swimming, for the water. One bucket hat. Then one bucket hat and one cap, One cap yeah.

Svenja:

And yeah, he used all of them.

Moeava :

The cap was this blueish cap. I always said that it makes him look like a bankster. A bankster. It makes him look like this Hong Kong banker that is trying to evade the police for some white collar crime. Your fantasy, my god and the swimming divers.

Svenja:

And remember it was really nice, because usually babies, toddlers, I mean don't like to have hats or anything on the head, but once you realize that this really helps with the sun, I mean he kept it. I mean he does not use his sunglasses, he just doesn't keep it on.

Moeava :

No, sunglasses we didn't use. That was on the list. That's on the list of things that we didn't need to bring Right. Lucky enough, it's small. It doesn't take that much weight.

Svenja:

And maybe there's babies that like it. I mean, who knows?

Moeava :

Exactly. And the diapers, the swimming diapers.

Svenja:

Swimming diapers Also really good.

Moeava :

So my honey bunny exactly you wanted to get the disposable swimming diapers and I was like no, let's get the normal swimming these, these swimming diapers. They can poop inside. It holds in the poop but the pee will just go through. I think I was peed on five times, but it doesn't matter because you're at the beach. Yeah, Then you just go into the water and you wash off. And he pooed in that diaper two times and I just cleaned it in the ocean and one time in the pool. I think Oops, Oops, it's okay, it's chlorinated. It was too late. I only noticed it was no three times he threw, he pooped three times in it, but that was super useful.

Moeava :

Yeah, and they didn't have to buy extra diapers and have to throw those ones away. So those those three diapers, that was a really good. Yeah, that was very, very good.

Svenja:

And I think in terms of clothing, we brought a little bit too much A couple of things. We, we, we are using most of it to be fair. But honestly, especially if you go to a warm location, this kind of beachy holidays, you can just wash things in the you know in the sink and then hang it, and it will dry the next day. Yeah.

Moeava :

But I mean, the thing is, we also kind of thought that the Maldives at this point, this time would be a little bit rainy season, a little bit colder. So we did pack, just in case it would be even for ourselves. I mean, I brought one jacket, I brought it. A sweater A sweater and we never use them.

Svenja:

Yeah, so Some of us was afraid it would be cold at night, I mean.

Moeava :

I grew up in the islands. I know that it can be very cold at night. Yeah, that doesn't it just it just wasn't at that point because it was not the rainy season yet, so there was no real need for it. I think, yeah, the baby food and snacks totally useless. Useless today, now for us.

Svenja:

Yeah, actually, there's food everywhere nowadays, you know, and he can eat everything.

Moeava :

now he's passed the age where, yeah, of course we still careful. I mean, he did have his ice cream for the first time. Oh, yeah. He was not super happy. He didn't like it that much no.

Svenja:

He had his first banana cake, so he had the first time that he actually had.

Moeava :

It was a lot of first. It was a lot of first yeah.

Svenja:

Quite some sugar this time, and we never really gave him anything with sugar before.

Moeava :

Yeah.

Svenja:

But he wasn't like wow, amazed and he, you know, I mean he loved the banana cake, I think.

Moeava :

I think a pair of shoes brought too many shoes. We brought three pair of shoes the Vans and then the, the. The bitch slip on, the bitch slip on, the bitch slip on.

Svenja:

The bitch slip on, the bitch slip on.

Moeava :

The two beach slip on and we actually only used the Vans.

Svenja:

Yeah, and the we did use the beach. Slip on once. No twice actually when we were on the boats. Yeah, that was really good.

Moeava :

Yeah, okay, true, so those, those lightweight, the black ones, right, exactly those ones, those ones are really good. Yeah, the thick rubber ones yeah, that was pretty useless, pretty useless. What else was?

Svenja:

I think, okay, we were super lucky we could get a stroller from the resort, so we didn't bring our stroller.

Moeava :

Yeah.

Svenja:

And then I mean at the. I mean we were on island, there was no roads or anything. So those there were paths, sand everywhere. But I was thinking the stroller might be useful in the evenings when we have dinner and he might sleep, and then he can just sleep in the stroller, and that was true. So that's, that's what happened.

Moeava :

I mean, this is definitely now when, when we do go to a hotel, we will ask them if they have a stroller and if they can. If they have one, great.

Svenja:

If they don't maybe they should get one. Yeah, yeah, no, and this is yeah. We're just lucky and that was good that they could organize one of us.

Moeava :

But, but we, we talked, we asked them. Yeah, yeah, exactly, I mean, this was the.

Svenja:

I asked the project and I asked quite like yeah, they, they arranged it for us. Yeah, I mean that's. I think.

Moeava :

I think that's a little bit also. You know some of these sometimes. Yeah, they should just arrange stuff for parents to be more.

Svenja:

Yeah, Just like at the airport. Actually, I mean, here in the Dubai airport, they have the strollers, which is great.

Moeava :

Which is really great yeah.

Svenja:

And here, yeah, in Malay at the airport there was no strollers and you could feel it was a bit less comfortable. It was still great yeah.

Moeava :

You just had to carry them, and he's getting heavier and you know I had the backpack. You just have more stuff.

Svenja:

Yeah. I'm still thinking about that poor guy, the dad with the three kids and the wife and then he had to.

Moeava :

He had two trolleys with all the luggage and the backpacks and the little backpacks and the neck pillows and he was. They remember there was the pre security check. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, and then he had to throw everything on there and then push the cards while the mom was taking care of the three kids and I could just see his face just thinking like where did I go wrong?

Moeava :

And then he had to put everything back onto the trolley. And of course he's security people. They're not helping. You know nobody's helping this, you know they just like just tell him to keep on moving and then he's putting everything back on the trolley and then, yeah, I feel really self for that guy.

Svenja:

Yeah same, and I think this is definitely also a good tip to have as few luggage and stuff as possible.

Moeava :

Are we? We really we were good this time, yeah, we were good this time.

Svenja:

We had two luggage and then each one backpack. Backpack already is very good. Then you know you can. Yeah, it just gives you two hands free, yeah, so I think we're good and no books, no books. Oh, I got a kindle Now. There's no more discussion. The usual discussion. When we're in holidays always, I'm always getting criticized for taking too many books and not reading them which is true, but I just would have them there, and I do read them sometimes and I think this is not.

Moeava :

You just said you don't read them, and then you go back on what you just said.

Svenja:

Yeah, I do read them sometimes. You read the title of Anyway, so but I think this actually is a very nice transfer to that next topic, right that?

Moeava :

way, we didn't talk about what we should have. Oh sorry, brought.

Svenja:

Okay, let's go there first.

Moeava :

Scissors.

Svenja:

Oh yeah, we forgot scissors.

Moeava :

Nail clipper nail clipper nail filer actually from the way. So his nails.

Svenja:

Got really long, and then when he was holding on to you in the pool, when we're swimming with ocean, you know anyways, your, your skin is quite sensitive because of the sun and then you would like scratch you there. Yeah, it was a bit painful.

Moeava :

Yeah, that was, that would have been a good. And now the nail clipper, the nail file and the scissors I put into our Go, our travel.

Moeava :

Travel beauty box a travel beauty box, and so now it'll be there forever. Waterproof Band-Aid. My honey bunny had the great idea of bringing a band-aid, but she brought these big rolled ones and we didn't have scissors. So good, I had a knife. I have, I always have a knife, a wine opening knife, and it was good. I had a wine opening knife, but I didn't have a cutting board, so I kind of had to do it. You know, do you DIY with it, but the that would be. The next thing is waterproof, multi-sized band-aids, right?

Svenja:

Right.

Moeava :

More diapers. Towards the end we were a little bit afraid we would run out of diapers. We kind of calculated how many diapers he would need by how many uses. But I think he used it a little bit more over there because he was making more pee pee and we didn't want him to stay in his pee Pila. And also we went to the ocean every time and so every time we went to the ocean we would change. So that was already four diapers that were being extra.

Moeava :

Yeah, so no, this guy just pees and poos a lot yeah but normally he kind of stays in it for a little bit, whereas Because we're going to the ocean and to the beat into the the poo with them, we were changing him more than usual. More sunscreen.

Svenja:

Oh yeah, I was so surprised. Okay, I mean, I knew that it will be sunny, but, yeah, we actually for both, for us as well as for him. We needed a big bottle for both of us for these nine days and the sponge to clean the baby bottles. Right, that is also that we did not have that, and that would have also been greater.

Moeava :

I'm very happy that he's past the. I have to sterilize every single bottle before feeding and blah, blah, blah. But having the sponge I used his bathing sponge for it With the fork, with the fork, with the fork, with this little baby fork to get in the bottle, but having that little baby sponge, that would have been a great, great thing. That's pretty much it. That's yeah Then. Then we can go to the next subject, which was my honey bunnies talking about books.

Svenja:

I mean, I Remember asking my honey bunny at I don't know day, two, three, and I'm missing out.

Moeava :

And Didn't ask me.

Svenja:

I said you said, you told me I feel like I'm missing out on something.

Svenja:

Yeah, and I think that was yeah, that was interesting. So the first time I mean the other holidays that we did when we were quite different, right, we went to my parents to Germany, we went to Singapore visit friends, like typical city trip where you're on the road the whole day this was the first time Relaxing at the beach. You know, don't do anything kind of holidays. The thing is, with a toddler you don't reach that stage of don't do anything Because, especially when you're surrounded by water, I mean you have to be alert 24-7 and and that also means that even you're sitting on the beach, you are not able to just take your book and read a chapter or to join that. You are class. That happened every morning at 8 am Because you're just tired of watching toddler.

Svenja:

And I think that was the point where I was asking my honey bunny I think I'm missing out like I'm not doing these things to relax that I would usually, before you know, when I knew he was here and I was really thinking about this and we're discussing about it, right, I talked about it I'm like, okay, is this normal that I have this feeling? Is it actually true? Am I missing out? Or yeah, and I think that was a. That was a big topic for me a couple days.

Moeava :

Yeah, that was. I feel that the topic was a little bit before that also.

Svenja:

No, you mean before the holidays?

Moeava :

no, because, remember, we were talking about the fact that you're getting aggravated more and I think that I Think you're this feeling of you Missing out. I feel it's not only during the holidays, it was before that.

Moeava :

It was pre-holidays, yeah, and that's why you were getting aggravated more. You were just more, more snappy, more stuff and very fast, and I and I think that the holidays was the only time where we had a little bit of time to. Maybe it was the moment where you took, you realized what it was and you were able to put it into words.

Moeava :

Yeah, maybe, yeah, no, you're right no you could put your finger on it, whereas before you couldn't put your finger. What I found very funny was the fact that we talked about this in a previous episode. I felt the missing out when he was born, with the whole D&D issue, and you were like, yeah, you always want to, you don't want things to change and you try to hold on to that. And and for me, actually I told you when you told me, was like I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. So the switch is kind of crazy, because I really didn't feel I mean, you went snorkeling because the next day we were supposed to go snorkeling together but we had a.

Moeava :

We had a dinner date that ended up that was supposed to be just you and me, but that ended up with us three. Because he didn't want to stay with the With the nanny, we tried to hire him at the hotel. So we were like, hi, you just go the next day to go snorkeling and I will just stay with Mouna Nui, don't worry about it, you know.

Svenja:

But and I think this is this was nice what we did, because I think each of us did have a little bit of this time, right. But that was also my point where I was like, okay, like before you know these kind of holidays, they were purely for us and we could focus on us as a couple and and that right now is just not the case.

Svenja:

Yeah, I do believe this comes back. I think this is a quite specific toddler situation and I actually was just talking to the British guy in the ocean. There's this British couple. They actually both divorced and now Boy and girlfriend and have both kids from their first marriage in their teenager age and they're like, yeah, I mean for them. They started enjoying the holidays again when the kids were three or four years.

Moeava :

I thought he said the first four years the first four years. Yeah, they're the holidays are not really holidays, so but it wasn't only the Missy now part. You were also talking about the fact that you missed us exactly, exactly. There was two, exactly.

Svenja:

I think this is two topics. Yeah, I mean, on the one hand, because I remember I booked the yoga that one day and then I was so tired like my alarm went off and I like there is no way that I'm gonna get up now and I was just too optimistic. And then I think that was this. Yeah, that that I Knew there was this offer and I would have loved to do it every day, but I simply wasn't able to. And and then, yeah, there was also the, the missing us time. Yeah, because we were never. I mean, except for his two-hour nap that he had.

Moeava :

Yeah, we, we never really had and within that two-hour nap, it was cleaning bottles. Yeah, drying bottles, refilling bottles. Taking clothing cleaning clothing, making everything ready, the bag to go ready and us taking a rest.

Moeava :

I did read a couple chapters from my book, to be fair, you know that, and that was the thing we talked about the fact that you were saying like I miss us time, we don't play tennis anymore, we don't play games anymore and I was like, yeah, but it's not like we're just sitting down doing nothing. We're have such a busy life, yeah, and the time that we filled with Tennis games and all of these other things, now it's filled with when a newie, you know, and that's the big difference. Now.

Svenja:

Yeah, and to be fair, he was amazing. I mean we're very lucky. He's a super chill baby, yeah, but we're amazing.

Moeava :

He's very lucky. That's not Okay. He is super lucky and we're also very lucky.

Svenja:

But yeah, he was. I mean, it wasn't even that he was exiled. I mean he's just a baby, yeah, toddler. He's not specifically exhausting or anything. He loves everything new. He's super happy to Experience new stuff.

Moeava :

He was so happy to be with us. It was just a little picky on the eating part.

Svenja:

Yeah, he's a bit picky. It's a little bit of a big eater. Yeah, he does not eat everything.

Moeava :

That was a little exhaustive.

Svenja:

He doesn't expect his stuff before he eats it, and he also, yeah, and also the teething of course, makes him a bit grumpy, but I think apart from that, he's just though, he's easy going, but still, you just have to watch him 24 seven, which is just exhausting, yeah. So I think that's just the point and I think for me, I just had to get over it. Yeah, I just had to get over and accept that that's the case and just embrace this new reality, because it was also a beautiful reality. Yeah, it was amazing. And beautiful holidays, even me not being able to do my yoga every morning at 8 am.

Moeava :

Yeah, but I mean you went, you went snorkeling.

Svenja:

And you saw Manta rays and turtles. Oh my god, pretty, pretty damn cool that was yeah, it was my first snorkeling trip. Yeah, and yeah, I saw three turtles. I saw mantas, like one huge. He was huge. Oh my god, beautiful animals and and dolphins.

Moeava :

I think the thing is what I, what I was telling you that day, was what I miss, what I would miss from before. I kind of replace it with what Muna Nui is giving to me now and what you are giving to me now. You know this new role as you as a mom, this new role I have as a dad, the way our whole relationship. You know cosmos is just changing and evolving and spinning and you know that's for me this is the new stuff that I'm gaining and it's the new stuff I'm gaining and the other stuff I really don't miss. I mean, I still had. There's one thing on the list I forgot to add is I'm super happy I brought short cigars, because I never had the time to smoke a full big cigar. So next trip I'm only buying short cigars from now on.

Moeava :

Even one, even one, I had to throw away. Unfortunately I couldn't finish her because, oh yeah, it started raining and then you were gone. You were where were you? You had the bank thing.

Svenja:

I had the bank, you had the bank thing. My credit card was hacked amazing.

Moeava :

You got hacked and then you had to go and call and do the whole bank. And I was with when I knew it started pouring rain and anyways, but that's another thing on the list is shorter cigars.

Svenja:

By the way, that just now was super cute because you actually were telling me you put the microphone away to share that with me, what you just said. So super cute because you said that you know for you to see us new and me as a mom and you as a dad, and that this was super nice for you.

Moeava :

Yeah, that's that's a new gaining stuff that I get now. Yeah, like the happy, like him saying happy, or him now actually seeing sharks. Remember when we're from in the pool and he could see the shark from above and he would just point out and just say hi, Hi, which means shark in German. When he would see the birds, he would scream out was, was, which is bird in French, and the tree. Okay, it's also kind of annoying after 20,000 times, but I found it very, very cute.

Svenja:

And I think because maybe no one will believe us, but I think I'm going to play the video where he says that he's happy. It's just super cute, is too happy. Okay, should I do it again?

Moeava :

No, I think we heard it. I think, just next time, because you were as if the microphone was showing the screen to the microphone as if it had eyes. So I was kind of snapping my fingers at her like a little blonde moment.

Svenja:

Sorry, very tired. I hope you could hear it, but I could good, good transition into the tired.

Moeava :

if you are tired and if your baby is crying and you need to go and do stuff and you need to take a little break from us, now would be a great time to do that. But yeah, I think, yeah, for me, I, I, I don't have this. I don't feel like I'm missing out.

Svenja:

I really don't, and I, I, I, I, except for sleep.

Moeava :

Sometimes I do feel like I'm missing out on sleep.

Svenja:

Yeah, I mean that would have been nice right One or the other night to to sleep a bit longer.

Moeava :

I was a little bit envious of the of those couples with their families with their parents there or the like. I was like, oh God, that would have been nice.

Svenja:

Yeah, so what we tried as well on the trip. They did have babysitters, so I think it was just some ladies that were working in the hotel taking care Super cute, Super super nice, but there was no way. This was also very interesting, I mean, when I knew he's a quite outgoing baby. He's very open, smiley, but he was screaming, crying, like he did not want to calm down.

Moeava :

This is. This is his new thing. Now he's very clingy. I think this is the age, yeah, so he's very papa, papa, mama, mama. Exactly. I mean the Russian woman with her nine month old she would, was able to give her to the, to the nanny, for a couple hours. But we're at different ages, the babies are at different ages, and I was just so happy for them to be able to do that and I was just like, oh, I wish that could happen. I mean, he was, he made the whole island wake up.

Svenja:

Yeah, yeah, literally everyone. I remember that one couple telling us oh wow, we haven't heard him cry actually. Oh, he can cry. It was like yep, seldom.

Moeava :

I mean, we sat down at the, the, the, the restaurant, feet in the sand waves crashing and me sweating like profusely.

Svenja:

The honey bunny hates just quite a few things, but one of the top lists is sweating Anyway so because there was no fan, which is all right, anyway.

Moeava :

So when I knew he was with us, the nanny was late and I was like you know what, just forget about it, let's just eat with him here. Anyways, the first time it didn't work out, let's just have him here. And my honey bunny was very adamant no, he's going to go with the nanny, we're going to have this dinner just you and me. And so I was like all right, fine, you know, this was whatever Anyway. So she came a little bit late. I put the stroll in not too far away and five minutes later she walked away. Five minutes later we could just hear him scream and we were sitting there eating our breadsticks with butter.

Moeava :

And we're just hoping just looking at ourselves right, we're looking at each other and the fact that he wasn't there, but his screams were so going through and through. They were so dominant that it didn't make the dinner, it didn't make the bread, the breadsticks or the butter tastes good, and so we just went to go get it. And that was the best decision after, because he fell asleep during the whole dinner Exactly.

Svenja:

He just fell asleep and was next to us in his stroller, which was Exactly.

Moeava :

It's really cute. But then again we were also the every movement that he made. We had to go and check this is also the thing it is your mind never really shuts off.

Svenja:

Yeah, yeah. I think that's the this time right when, every move you're watching, you always need to check every noise, every, even during the sleep, even during his sleep.

Moeava :

you still, and he was alert. He was on my side of the bed and just always alert. You're sleeping at like a 90 percent, maybe 80 percent.

Svenja:

And, but somehow I didn't feel tired during the day. I felt tired then in the evening, when it was, you know, I mean we almost went to bed at the same time I was at dinner was so long too.

Moeava :

Like me and me and my honey bunny, we love to travel for food and we would go to, we would go to countries just to eat at restaurants. And I was like this this dinner. I mean, when he brought us the entree, I was looking at her and said I hope this is the main course and I really hope the desserts are coming right away, because I just want to go home, just want to go to bed and go to sleep.

Svenja:

And you know I went and I was thinking now retrospectively what was another cool thing about the holidays was you were quite close with other families, right, and I think this resort was designed it is really to be easily in contact with other guests and there were quite some families and it was also quite interesting to see others, you know, because especially for me I mean the office I don't see other parents too much, except for, obviously, our friends.

Moeava :

Yeah, but other than that, seeing other families on a daily basis.

Svenja:

Exactly Like. That just doesn't happen. Right there I had the chance to see other parents and their styles and yeah, I think that's also how you learn right. But remember the fear boy. You know we were on the boat on the way to the other island To go see the dolphins. Ah, to see the other. That was a dolphin tour.

Moeava :

Where we didn't see dolphins. And I came back with a mermaid. Oh, didn't say whale, I said a mermaid.

Svenja:

Did you guys hear that Unbelievable? Did you just call me whale? No, I said.

Moeava :

I didn't say a whale, I said a mermaid, a beautiful mermaid.

Svenja:

I still have some of my pregnancy kilos, but I do not look like a whale. I object to that.

Moeava :

I said a mermaid, beautiful mermaid.

Svenja:

Almost believe you. No, but what did I want to say? Okay, so there was this boy with his mother. Boy was, I don't know, actually already old right, I think he was like 11, 12.

Moeava :

Maybe between nine and 12, I would say Something like this.

Svenja:

Maybe he was younger, but was a big boy, who knows? Anyways, so you had two stories of the boat you could see, you could sit on the ground floor, so to say, and then you could go up on the roof. Or you could go to the front of the boat, on the front of the boat and I think his other I don't know sister or friend or whatever someone from the family was sitting upstairs, but then he wouldn't.

Moeava :

No, no. So the sister was sitting upstairs. No, the friend, the daughter from her friend, was sitting upstairs. She was downstairs with her friend and her son, and this. And then there was some people that went into the front of the boat to to go and try to find the dolphins. And the son asked the mom oh, do you want to go to the front of the boat? And she said no, no, I'm way too afraid for that. And and then at one point the mom asked the son if he wanted to go upstairs, and he said the same words.

Moeava :

his mom said no, no, no no, I'm way too afraid for that. And there was a little bit of this moment where I was like, wow, okay, we really put our fears onto our children. This is something you know, that we, we what we're afraid of. I think they will also be afraid of, yeah, what we don't accomplish, they, they will not do what they. What we don't do, they will not do.

Svenja:

Yeah, and I think I mean I saw this as well and I saw it with his eyes and I really thought about okay, I want to consciously make an effort on not putting such fears on him. I don't want his horizon to stop for certain things because of me, because I'm afraid of it. I mean I would never do bungee jumping, but I don't want to stop him from doing it just because it's not my thing, right? I don't think. Just, I did like them when I was a kid, to be fair, but yeah, so I think this was so. There were a couple of these kinds of situations that were a good learning for me, you know, and another one, I think the boys with their headphones in front of their iPads at the dinner table, the mother taking the food from the buffet for them, putting it in front, and they were just shoveling it into their mouth while watching something.

Moeava :

And.

Svenja:

I don't know. I don't want to judge yeah, because it's not me to judge. And I can also understand, because this was a situation where the parents wanted to have a nice dinner and they put these things on their kids.

Moeava :

They didn't even have a nice dinner because the mom was constantly going back and forth. I mean, and that's again the problem, yeah the two boys were sitting down and the husband was sitting down, and then the mom was doing all the work.

Svenja:

Yeah, yeah, it was horrible. I mean it was horrible to see. I mean, in general, if you looked at all the dads I mean I would say 90% of the dads on this island I mean it's really. Yeah, I mean the mothers do all the work. Yeah, they prepare the food, they get all the things, they do the changing, they do the. You know, all this maintenance work that we were speaking about at the beginning of the podcast. Yeah, in most cases it's the mom doing it and you can really see that. And, yeah, and here, in this case, like you said, I mean they're in their headphones, completely isolated.

Svenja:

And, by the way, one of these boys, he was on the snorkeling trip with me and, okay, the first snorkeling. So in the snorkeling trip, I think we did like three stops. The first stop, okay, he went with his dad and we were snorkeling around that island or around that reef. And the second stop, yeah, the dad's like, oh, okay, come, let's go. And nope, he was on his phone playing a game. And now imagine you in the middle of the ocean, you have the sun shining, there's beautiful, beautiful fishes, you know, swimming around, and and this guy sits there playing on his iPhone. And I will have never allowed that. At least that's what I'm saying now. Let's see 10 years later.

Svenja:

But yeah, it was, you know, and I think, yeah, I don't know, I think it was. Without without being too judgmental, obviously I am, but for me it was just learning to see. Okay, I will try not to do that, because I really want one anue to be able to sit on the table and have dinner together without needing a phone in front of him to you know, like no, he needs to be able to do that. I'm sorry. He needs to be able to go on a snorkeling trip and enjoy it without his phone, like that. Yeah, I just, I just want that. So, yeah, that's yeah. So I just, I just thought that was interesting, just to have this, this being quite close to other parents and learning, learning from that. There were also other examples. Remember that girl where we saw that, we saw those super smart while she was, you were looking at her and she was like look this one and this one. Yeah, she's the smart one. That was.

Moeava :

I forgot, you forgot, remember I don't. I try not to remember other people's kids. I have one.

Svenja:

I don't need to remember Really which one Remember that night, that beautiful night, when we're actually sitting at the bar.

Moeava :

Every night is beautiful. I'm with you.

Svenja:

Why are you laughing like? Why is?

Moeava :

it. I'm not laughing and smiling. Sure, the night we're at the bar.

Svenja:

Where he was sleeping actually.

Moeava :

Oh, the Coldplay night. Yes, the Coldplay night, great playlist. That's what you need to tell me Music, great playlist, not other people's children.

Svenja:

But there was this girl sitting. Remember that they had some.

Moeava :

Ah, yes, the independent one. She was a super strong one. She was smart, intelligent and very independent and strong and but still gentle, kind.

Svenja:

Yeah, exactly, yeah, so you could, she was just you could see it. She was a brilliant and human, yeah it was great.

Moeava :

Yeah, I remember.

Svenja:

And yeah, I think that was also something that I really enjoyed.

Moeava :

Yeah, I mean for me, I really this holiday was. I think it was our first couples holiday with Mouna Nui For me. That's the because okay, in Germany doesn't really count. You know, we were, there was other babies involved and there was, but this was just you and me. Singapore was with, it was different, but this was just you, me, Mouna Nui. That was our first holiday for me, yeah, and that was. I really really loved it. I enjoyed it.

Svenja:

I mean for me just to have this time with you two. It just was was incredible.

Moeava :

Now I need another holiday from both of you guys.

Svenja:

No, I have to say. I mean I do love my job, but today it was tough to go back to it. Yeah, I really. Yeah, it was not so easy. I did enjoy a lot to spend time with both of you. It was really, really beautiful.

Moeava :

I mean, I miss the fact that we had chefs cooking for us, so I didn't have to do that maintenance work. Today was today, was my whole day was just shopping, shopping and cooking and maintaining. That's what I did all day. That's all what it was. Fill up the fridge, that was empty and that was pretty much it.

Svenja:

And then boom, it's 8 20 at night, like a 20, I am tired as F and I'm really looking forward to go to sleep.

Moeava :

But I think that this holiday was for me to realize that I don't miss anything. And it the twist of you feeling that you're missing something, yeah and putting your finger on it, and I hope you're not going to feel that way, and in case you do, then you know you got to find a way to not.

Svenja:

Well, there is still one topic, I think, that that is bothering me, which is my weight, which is that I still have quite some weight from my pregnancy, and for outsiders you would say, oh, but you look great because I'm, you know, not overweight or anything. But it is just not the way I was before, and it's even quite far away from what it was before.

Svenja:

I did not have a belly before. I never had a belly in my life and, yeah, this is something and that is something that I put now on my to do list. I really want to work on it because I can really feel this bothers me and I will take the time for that, to work on that. To you know, it does not need to be, you know, before. Yeah, the kind of six pack situation is not going to happen anymore, which is also totally fine. Yeah, but I need to be in a, in a zone where I feel more comfortable.

Svenja:

I think this is this is something where I want to use my time and, yeah, take a bit time off from work. I mean in terms of just balancing it a bit better, incorporating it better in my day. I mean, I did quite well. I did quite. I went quite a lot to the studio here that's close by, where they have lots of stretching classes, yoga, pilates, but that's not helping you too much. On losing the fat, I know I need to watch my food and I need to do something to burn that fat and that's like building muscle and doing some cardio. So I know actually what I need to do. I just really need to take the time because I know that and I just need to do it.

Svenja:

So this is something that I think also is is this whole body change? You know, this is still something. I'm struggling. I can feel that my, I still feel. You know, when I do certain movements I still feel my pelvic floor. I don't know. I think I need to go back see that pelvic floor expert lady, because I'm still still not sure it's 100% back to back to before. So, yeah, yeah, no, this is, I think was became quite clear. But for the other parts, I'm okay not to do you get a day and not finish my book and Excel and then have my honey bunny and my little baby bunny in my arms.

Moeava :

Thank you so much for the beautiful holidays that you gave us my love.

Svenja:

Thank you for joining me.

Moeava :

You know that was was amazing. I mean, we've had some pretty amazing holidays, but this was. This is on the top.

Svenja:

Once in a lifetime, kind of thing, right.

Moeava :

Yeah, that was. That was a great holiday. Thank you so much, my love. I love you, my baby.

Svenja:

I love you too. Thank you for being so patient with me when I get my little anger attacks and for always understanding me and being there. I mean, that was for forgiving me as well, yeah but you know, communication is key.

Moeava :

I still there's for me, I still have. Communication is key. Happy parent, happy baby. I think these are my two, the two realities for me that are just constant. It's a constant reality. I really believe that open communication always communicate. You don't have to communicate right away. Sometimes the feelings stay inside because you don't know how to put it into words, because you don't know really what's going on right. But definitely, and happy baby, happy parents, happy baby. If the parents are happy, the baby's happy. If the parents are afraid, the babies afraid. I think it's not only happy, it's just how the parents are is going to dictate, kind of how the baby is yeah it's fear happiness whatever, whatever it is, yeah, of course, of course they feed off that energy and they can feel everything.

Moeava :

Yeah, little sponges creatures. I love you. My picture baby.

Svenja:

I love you too. Can't wait till the next holiday.

Moeava :

Exactly. Bye, my love.