The Two AM Club: "Collecting Stories: A Discussioncast on Embracing Diverse Approaches to Raising Children Around the World.
Welcome to The Two A.M. Club, where we have open and diverse conversations about parenting and partnerships across different cultures. Join us on an amazing journey as we explore the joys and challenges of raising children through the stories of parents from around the world.
Our collection of stories represents a tapestry of cultures and personal experiences. We celebrate our differences and the love we share for our children. While everyone's parenting journey is unique, we find common ground in the experiences that connect us.
Whether you're a new parent, experienced, or simply curious about raising children, The Two A.M. Club has something for you. Expect heartwarming stories, practical advice, and thought-provoking discussions. Our goal is to inspire, support, and connect with parents and partners worldwide.
At The Two A.M. Club, we value open-mindedness, diversity, and honesty. We create a community that embraces the universal journey of parenthood, where love knows no limits. Join us today and be part of a welcoming and supportive community of parents and partners.
We believe that parenthood is a journey filled with joy, challenges, and countless stories that deserve to be shared and in doing so we are collecting stories from parents about their experiences in navigating the intricate paths of parenting and partnership. We understand that parenthood isn't solely about raising children; it's also about nurturing and sustaining strong relationships with our partners.
Our aim is to weave a rich tapestry of stories that celebrate the beautiful, messy, and wonderful world of parenting and partnership. Your stories have the power to inspire and guide others on their path to growth and fulfillment. We are eager to share the triumphs, struggles, and lessons learned along the way. Whether you're seasoned parents or just embarking on this remarkable journey, we invite you to listen to the diverse experiences, insights, and advice that these stories hold.
Join us as we embark on this voyage, hand in hand, as parents and partners. Welcome to our discussioncast, where we embark on an honest and unfiltered journey through parenthood and partnership. As everyday individuals, we deeply empathize with the triumphs and challenges that come with these roles, just like many of you. Each episode of our show explores a wide range of topics and features special guests, offering a glimpse into the diverse experiences and perspectives within our global community. Despite our differences, we all share a common objective: navigating these challenges and joys in our own unique way.
The Two AM Club: "Collecting Stories: A Discussioncast on Embracing Diverse Approaches to Raising Children Around the World.
Motherhood, Migration and Modeling Behaviour: Nadia's Story
Ever pondered the way parenting styles evolve within the boundaries of culture and across generations? Brace yourselves for a riveting voyage through the eyes of our guest, Nadia, a hardworking mother and expat. She invites us into her unique parenting journey, one that unfolds as a rollercoaster ride. From the surprise pregnancy that altered her life's course to navigating the maze of cultural expectations and coping with postpartum depression, Nadia's tale is nothing short of astonishing.
Parenthood, a universally demanding yet rewarding journey, can take on diverse cultural dimensions. In our most recent podcast episode, "Parenting Across Borders: Navigating Cultural Differences and the Complexities of Raising a Child Abroad," we feature Nadia, a devoted mother who shares her awe-inspiring adventure of raising a child far from her native land. Hailing from Lebanon but having moved to France at a young age and later to the bustling city of Dubai, Nadia has traversed various cultures, languages, and ways of life. This diverse background lends her a distinct perspective on the challenges of raising a child in a foreign environment.
Nadia's narrative delves into the contrasting perspectives of being a daughter and a mother, revealing how her thought processes in different languages mirror her multicultural experiences. This narrative paves the way for an exploration of the cultural diversity in parenting, a rich discussion that delves into the intricacies of raising children across borders.
Becoming a parent is a transformative experience, one filled with hurdles, surprises, and heartwarming moments. Nadia's story is a testament to resilience, adaptability, and strength. She candidly shares her battles with cultural pressures and her humorous yet relatable experiences dealing with her son's minor mishaps. Amidst the sea of challenges, Nadia discovered her silver lining in the form of a supportive family and in-laws, underscoring the importance of a robust support system in the demanding landscape of parenthood.
As we journey through the ever-evolving terrain of parenting in the digital age, our episode exposes the weight of societal standards, the challenge of balancing cultural expectations, and the reality of parenting under the scrutiny of social media. As we draw to a close, we pause to reflect, to savor our relationships with our loved ones, and to impart the right values to our children. So, cozy up, lend us your ears, and join us on this adventure as we unravel the joys, trials, and often unspoken truths of parenthood.
Hello and welcome to our podcast.
Speaker 2:The 2am club. How are you doing?
Speaker 1:my love. I am good as usual. It's been a hell of a week.
Speaker 3:A week we had the first blood.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, so anyways, here's our guest. We have guests here. Nadia, how are you doing?
Speaker 3:Hello.
Speaker 1:Welcome.
Speaker 3:Thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you for inviting me, it's really a pleasure of having you on our show. Nadia has a one year old and one month old baby.
Speaker 3:What's his name again, ryan?
Speaker 1:How's things so far?
Speaker 3:Hectic. But you know, you just look at him, you forget everything. But still in your mind she's still easing in. I'm still in the postpartum, I'll still be for the 14 next year.
Speaker 1:I also feel the same sometimes. Who was I talking about the other day? I mean, yeah, I love him, but I also love how we were talking about the fact that he's going to the nursery. Nadia, she actually works at the nursery or whatever he goes to, and they're like yeah, so how's the nursery? I was like I love my child, but I also love to see him go to the nursery.
Speaker 3:I love to have my break.
Speaker 1:Is he going to the nursery? He is right.
Speaker 3:Not yet. Actually, I decided to bring him on Monday.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, so you're going to have your kid where you work.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God Are you sure? I love my wife, but I do not want to. I mean, this is not working for me, but I cannot see that happening.
Speaker 3:But actually, you know, I'm really happy about this decision being because he stays at home with the Nani and you know the Nani she's like switching between him and his cousin, so she doesn't have full time for Rayan. So I was happy to take this decision. He will have, you know, his friends and so he will just enjoy the time and whenever something happens, I'm just like two minutes away.
Speaker 1:Yeah, actually that makes me a little bit jealous. I was like actually kind of cute if you're not in, you're in the same building but not in the same room.
Speaker 3:Exactly.
Speaker 2:And then, once in a while, you can just kind of go in, you're just the manager, you're so, mommy, I have no.
Speaker 3:You know, sometimes they go out from the room and they're like please can you make him sleep.
Speaker 1:I think it's kind of cute. Actually, I'm like pop up and then he goes back into the and he's like all right, see you later. And he kind of runs back into the thing. I don't know For me. I find it kind of cute. I couldn't do it every day. I think the problem for me is all the other kids crying all the time.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know, what's cute is that you see him socializing Like you see a different side of him, like you have him in your home with all the family and so on. At the nursery he's a different kid. You know, we all have three personalities anyways.
Speaker 1:Exactly so. Tell us about yourself. Where are you from? You're your husband, your whole story.
Speaker 3:Oh my God, how did you end up here? Let's start with a three hour story.
Speaker 1:I have a lot of memory on this card, so don't worry, you can go straight ahead.
Speaker 3:Okay, so I was born and raised in Lebanon. Okay, so my parents decided to immigrate to France. I was 11 years old and I spent 12 years approximately, in France until my 23rd year, and then I decided to come to Dubai. You know the situation in France I think everyone knows about it the constant racism. Every time and I was like, okay, they treat me like an Arab, let's go to an Arab country. Then I was like oh, dubai. It was easy for me to take this decision because I was fluent in Arabic and English, so I don't have this language barrier.
Speaker 3:It was easy for me to take this decision. But before coming here, I came maybe eight times, eight times, yeah, to visit, to just be sure. And you know my mom and my sister. They were like, no, you will not do it. You're like you love your mom too much to leave. And I was like, oh, you say this. It was a challenge for me.
Speaker 3:At that point I was like I will book this ticket. And I booked this ticket and my mom was like, are you really leaving me? I'm like, yes, and I just went down, took a taxi and I said bye.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 3:And when I texted her I said I'm not coming back. She said are you really serious? I'm like, yes, I'm in.
Speaker 1:Dubai. I'm already in Dubai. You don't see the six hours between the last text I sent to now, exactly Wow, that's pretty crazy.
Speaker 3:And so basically I lived in three different countries and you know I have three points of view and you know a lot of people are asking me, I think in French, like everything that comes to my mind is in French.
Speaker 1:It's not in Arabic.
Speaker 3:It's not in English.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right, so French is really the base. Yeah, for me it's I. It's funny because now I think I think in English when I'm in English, because I'm half American, half French, but I grew up back and forth divorced parents, so for me it depends if I'm in speaking in French and I will think in French. But but now it's.
Speaker 3:I think it depends on the situation.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it depends on the situation. So now, what would happen if Ryan did the same thing that you pulled on your mom? If Ryan said your son was like, okay, mom, I'm leaving and you're like, but are you really going to leave me? I mean now, retrospectively, looking as a mom now compared to before, as a daughter.
Speaker 3:It's hard. Yeah, I mean, imagine I just go downstairs to go to work and I'm like mommy's coming back, mommy's coming back, don't worry. Yeah, I mean, you know, at the end, you, you know that you, you do this and they will just fly one day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like it's, but you want them to fly also, right? Yeah, you don't want a 34 year old. Very, very very quick.
Speaker 3:They can fly now. I just opened the door. I just opened the door.
Speaker 1:Once. Once you see him like working at something, he's like oh, you can get a job now. Like you know how to write, you're not to write Perfect, hi Hi. Here's your coffee. Here's your briefcase. I love you. I see you when you get home.
Speaker 3:At the end of the day, you're like oh my God, I spent six hours, eight hours at work. I didn't see my son. You feel guilty?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I'm really guilty, because when you ask the Nani, what did he do today? Oh, you know that he did this. He started to walk and I'm like, oh, I didn't see anything. And with you he doesn't do anything that he does with the Nani. So you're like, okay, eight hours is a lot.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was for you the problem, right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean this mama built this too, right. I mean I work a lot, so I mean, luckily I can work from home so at least in the morning I can see him and then in the evening I can take a break. But usually I have very late meetings so I just need to take a break to say at least good night or, you know, spend a little bit of time. But yeah, I had it, especially after coming back from the holidays, because we had really a nice time. It was the first, I would say the first time it was the three of us, 24, seven and you know I'm more like the dad, so I'm more like you know, a bit more distant and don't really know what's going on that much.
Speaker 1:She thinks she's the hard one, she's like I'm the firm one, and then, when I knew, he was like oh, and she's like okay, come on, yeah, kind of yeah, that's a guilt, no, but so, yeah, after that I was really like okay, I am missing out while I'm at work.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I am missing things. I mean, that's just very clear. Yeah, not even with the, with the language, right, because we do three languages and with meets German and there's no one else that speaks German. Yeah, so I always have the feeling, okay, I need to catch up, you know. Okay, let's read a book, let's read another book.
Speaker 3:Whenever she has to fight with him, she's like opening the Exactly the different.
Speaker 1:She bought she bought. She wanted to buy. Yesterday you wanted to buy an insect.
Speaker 2:I did buy it. You bought it, children it's from, it was French to be fair, but it has a lot of nice pictures and it's for three to seven years old. I was like, yeah, she'll be fine, she took it for her and he likes it, by the way.
Speaker 1:But I mean to be honest. Like you hear auto, auto, auto, this, this, this, auto auto auto all day, all day all day, all day. You're not missing out on a lot. Also, not like. It's not like every day there's this new thing, every other three four days like, then there's like something new, but how to hate Germany without Germany.
Speaker 3:Oh my God, I try to do the same, actually like with Arabic language. You know, when I talk to him I'm like let's go to eat. And then I'm like, oh, on par manger. And then you're like, yeah, the same sentence. I say it in three languages every time. Oh, imagine my life, oh my God.
Speaker 2:That makes you tired, for sure.
Speaker 3:Yes, in five minutes. That's why I want him to fly. I don't like, like you know. I know that in Dubai he will end up speaking English. Yeah, it's so easy yeah it's very easy and you know the English language. I feel like it's like a song, it like it enters really quickly. I don't mind, but the French one, oh my God. Till that day I'm still doing the same.
Speaker 1:Yeah, me too.
Speaker 3:And I've been to the French school since my early years Till that day.
Speaker 2:you know the accents the S, not the S. Yeah, actually I think my writing is better than his. Actually, my writing is quite good from school. The grammar is very similar to German grammar. So that's why the grammar for me in French was not that hard. But yeah, just the speaking. I'm just not comfortable, but I understand.
Speaker 1:You're better on the academic side.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:The usefulness of your French is not that useful.
Speaker 2:I'm a wife, but I know how to read a book.
Speaker 1:You know, my stepdad is the same. He's like super smart, he's like I'm 16 on A to Z on how a tire is made and how it goes on a car, but he cannot change a tire.
Speaker 3:Do what I say, but don't do what I do.
Speaker 1:And then your husband. You met here then.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so we met basically in 2017. Actually, I was in Dubai for one month. One month later I met him. Like I didn't have time to breathe.
Speaker 1:Too fly.
Speaker 3:You know, when you come to a country and you're like, yeah, I'm going to work, it will work out for me, I will do only work, work, work. I will not focus on anything else and plop, and then it falls into your lap.
Speaker 1:Same for you.
Speaker 2:Same for me. I met him in China. So I moved to China at a similar age, 25. And I was working already. But I was like, yeah, I mean yeah, not gonna live now the next 50 years here and go to the same office. And it's like, yeah, no, there needs to be something different. So I also took two luggage, moved to China and met him in week three.
Speaker 1:I was supposed to be a one night. I was supposed to be a one night stand, yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, somehow I was possibly a one night stand.
Speaker 1:Now you have a child. Oh my God.
Speaker 3:No, no, I don't wanna be this girl. No, no, no, no, my mother would not be okay with this. Okay, so basically, you were on vacation.
Speaker 1:No, no, I used to live in China.
Speaker 3:Oh, okay.
Speaker 1:I lived in China, worked in China and then she also, and then actually we met through friends. Through friends.
Speaker 3:In a nightclub.
Speaker 1:In a nightclub.
Speaker 3:Oh my God. I met him in a nightclub. Oh really yeah, this is where you meet your one night stand for life.
Speaker 1:Exactly, and if you knew the nightclub that I went to, I mean this night. I have met many women in this nightclub that were one night stands. I never thought I would meet the love of my life in this nightclub.
Speaker 3:No, you know, I was the one between my friends to say, like you will never meet the love of your life in a nightclub. I said it so many times that God said you will meet your life in a nightclub yeah, and it always ends up whenever you say never it will happen.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's my mom's favorite saying Never say never, never say never. And you can bring a horse to water, but you can't make a drink. That's the two things she always tells me all the time. And that, and also, just because other people eat shit doesn't mean you have to eat shit.
Speaker 2:And she also said Mary White.
Speaker 1:I just didn't. That's very true, that's super true.
Speaker 2:But depending.
Speaker 1:But I mean super white over here. Right, it worked out for him. So, and, but he's from here, then, yeah, so he's Emirati.
Speaker 3:So when we met, we had two different religions and two different culture and two different mindsets and everything was different, but we had one common thing the language. And, yeah, the language.
Speaker 1:And attraction yeah.
Speaker 2:Probably attraction.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and attraction, and that's it. And basically, with the years I was a Christian, I converted.
Speaker 1:Oh, ok, I was a.
Speaker 3:Christian. You are the Lebanese Christians Because in Lebanon you have both.
Speaker 3:I mean you have a lot actually in Lebanon. So I converted by the time. And, yeah, so I converted before getting married Years, year, year, like two years before getting married, because when you come here you work with Muslims 24-7. So I'm like I want to know more about this religion, because my mom is she believes in God. Ok, she practices. But I was like the problem was you have too many versions of the Bible. Which one is the correct one? And I'm like in Muslims they have one book, it's the Quran.
Speaker 3:So, I was like it's more logic to look at one book that everyone looks at and not 10, or 15, or 25. So it was more logic for me to just get to know this religion than the Christian one. But my mom is still Christian, my sister is still Christian. We do Christmas. We do all of the celebrations.
Speaker 1:I think in today's world anyways, most religions mix a lot of different cultural holidays and special things.
Speaker 3:Even here, Even here exactly. My friends are like oh, but you have a Christmas tree. I said yes, and we even have rabbits.
Speaker 1:Even Halloween is here, Everything. It was the same in China also. They celebrate Christmas Easter. I mean, once it becomes a commercial thing anyways, then everyone.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's not about the religion, exactly. It's just about the holiday itself, the holiday, and even the kids Like when they see Christmas tree, exactly the family getting together, right it's just yeah, oh, it's nice.
Speaker 1:Exactly, really nice, and it's about the gifts as well. For the kids. It's also for the kids.
Speaker 3:You know, he does Christmas and he does A'id, so he has double.
Speaker 2:Double, gifts, double the pleasure. Wow, lucky one.
Speaker 1:That's pretty smart actually he has a celebration every month. I think we should adopt religions from every country we go to, so then we would have gifts all year round.
Speaker 2:That's why in countries like Malaysia, indonesia, especially Malaysia they have so many public holidays, because their main religions are Christian, muslim and I think I'm not sure what else they have, but there were always on public holidays. When I was working with them I was like guys, what is it?
Speaker 3:now. This is the country to work with.
Speaker 2:Exactly, it's great.
Speaker 3:Every two days Of of of.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that would be nice, but not with kids, right? No, with kids, there is no day off.
Speaker 3:Oh, my God, this is a. It was a deal breaker for me, Actually, before getting pregnant, I didn't know that I was pregnant, so once I got the news, I'm like you have nine months to sleep. I didn't even think oh, I will buy a bed, I will buy clothes. I was like I want to sleep.
Speaker 1:How is the sleep now?
Speaker 3:I mean during, like this time. It's very, it's very hard actually, because you know he's teasing, so he's like between me and him in the bed and sometimes we just wake up and we see him that he's on the just corner, he's about to fall, and I'm like, okay, thank God, come here. Oh my God, and can we talk about how many times he fell? Oh my God, I don't know for you, but you know.
Speaker 1:We were at the doctor just on Thursday.
Speaker 2:Oh, Wednesday, I think.
Speaker 1:Was it? I see this baby brain. We'll go back to that afterwards, but we were just at the doctor because he was standing over there.
Speaker 2:He turned around.
Speaker 1:He turned around and he fell smack right onto his face. So we're both looking at him. He started crying, nothing happened and all of a sudden blood just starts trickling down his mouth, as if he was punched. And it was just a slow trickle, but he was crying and laughing.
Speaker 2:And we could see where it's coming from. It was so scary. It was the first time we had blood. It was really like, and I just I mean, I just came from work and just took a break it's like, really like, really.
Speaker 1:I was supposed to go to physiotherapy and then, with that, had to be canceled. We thought it was his nose first, because he really fell, but it wasn't. It was just that little piece of meat that connects your lip to your tooth. Oh, ok, and it split just a little bit.
Speaker 2:Oh my God. So we called the doctor. She's like OK, come over, we see what that needs to be stitched. Driving there like a maniac, I was like my God.
Speaker 1:And it was, and yeah Always.
Speaker 2:Did you cry? No, no.
Speaker 1:No. It's a bit like anxious, like very, yeah, you get more anxious, and then, especially, you have to drive, and then it was traffic hour and the cars are like and then you got, you know you're stressed all over. You don't know what's going to happen with your kid.
Speaker 2:But actually Munna was quite fine, so that's why I was so fine. He wasn't crying anymore. So I think it was worse for us than for him.
Speaker 1:Then we're stuck in traffic because our doctor is right next to a school. Ok, and it was just that time where the school was getting out. Stress 100%, so she had to get out of the car to go bring him, and yeah, great.
Speaker 3:But do you still go in the car like someone drives and the other one is next to the millennium? No, normally not.
Speaker 2:Normally I'm in the front, so we both in the front. But, at that point because he was sick and fell in blood, so I was in the back. Yeah, yeah, I'm always in the back.
Speaker 1:No, because when I drive him to school every morning I pick him up, I'm alone most of the time. I mean now lately, she's coming with me to drop him off, but he's always alone in the back.
Speaker 2:So he's pretty much used to it. He's not really crying anymore, right when driving.
Speaker 1:No, he falls asleep, which makes me happy, but not happy when it's 20 minutes before we arrive at the nursery. That makes me very annoyed.
Speaker 2:So tell me about your accidents or faults, or that you had.
Speaker 3:Actually, the first time I was changing him and he was like maybe three or four months and I left him on the table and I said, mommy's coming back, because I was doing something in the kitchen and it was, you know, I was cooking and mommy's coming back and you know, at that time he was not able to just flip Because I'm like, oh, it's fine. So I was going to the kitchen and I hear boom, wah, and I'm like, oh my god, I cried, I will not lie, I cried, I'm a terrible mother. I took him and I was like, it's OK, it's OK, my husband, he ran.
Speaker 3:He's like I told you oh my god, and you know I had the stress of my baby and the stress of my husband on me because he fell. So I was like, oh, never again.
Speaker 1:It was a baby's fault. He should have just stopped when he could have.
Speaker 3:But you know he just fell next to a wall, but like the corner of the wall, so like two centimeters separated him from this corner and you know, he fell like on his head like this, and I don't know how he was just laying down like this and he fell like this. I just don't get how it happened.
Speaker 1:I think he did it on purpose.
Speaker 3:Mama, don't underestimate me, I can do it oh my god, I just thought I need a camera Because I wanted to know how he did it.
Speaker 1:So not to surveillance, just to know how it happened, just teach me. And he fell yesterday. Our son fell yesterday.
Speaker 1:Oh my god On his face. But that one I actually have on camera because we were listening to DJ Chiesto. I said me that's we, that's two. So we were dancing, he was like doing a techno rave and he was on the couch and he was running back and forth on the couch and then he kind of sat on his ass but his back was to the floor and then he kind of flipped over and boom, but I have it on camera.
Speaker 2:OK, that does not look good, by the way, wow.
Speaker 1:Are you?
Speaker 2:fine, are you like? You still know this is out, ok, oh my god.
Speaker 1:But he does man.
Speaker 2:He does.
Speaker 1:So it's all good, they're going to fall all the time.
Speaker 3:They're going to fall and I'm saying this to all the new moms he's going to fall or she's going to fall. You are going to be OK and hopefully the baby will be OK, but you always think that they will not move and the second you close your eyes or you turn, it will happen. Same it happened on the bed and I think it happened three times. I just count the times it happened with me, but the nanny will never tell me how many times it happened.
Speaker 1:Or your husband will never tell you either.
Speaker 3:So I'm just like I'm in denial, of just closing my eyes and not asking anymore.
Speaker 1:As long as he's living, as long as he's alive, I mean in the beginning, when we first got him, that was my main goal. Every morning we would tap ourselves on the back and say the baby's alive. You did your job. He's hungry, he's fed, he has clothing on his back, he has a roof on his head. He's alive. He's breathing, he's breathing, tap yourself on the back. You did a great job.
Speaker 3:As we say, hamdallah, because we already went to the CT.
Speaker 2:Remember we had two hospital stories already with this little monster Like the CT. What was the CT thing? He also hit his head somehow during the day, I don't remember how and then he started vomiting. And that's when they say, right, you should be worried because they might have a concussion. So we went to the doctor because he vomited twice, because he never actually yeah, so that was one good thing, like he never was a vomiting baby. So I'm like, ok, why he vomits? The day he hit his head it was even in the nursery, I think. Remember they had a little bit.
Speaker 2:And they said, yeah, but he's fine.
Speaker 1:But actually he had a virus.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but we didn't know that at the time, right.
Speaker 1:He was sick, then he fell at the nursery, then he had the bump on the head.
Speaker 2:They had this.
Speaker 1:It was a perfect combo, just a perfect storm, and this day he got a stomachache.
Speaker 2:But, obviously we didn't know. So we went to the hospital and the hospital, the doctor, I mean, he watched him for like two hours and he kept on vomiting. He's like, yeah, we have to do a CT because they just have to do it if they fall on the head and it's vomiting, I mean. And then he.
Speaker 1:Lucky enough, he was asleep at that moment.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So he did the CT scan pull, little guy, while sleeping. That's well, well, yeah. And then it turned out it was a stomach flu. So next day, and then I think I got it as well, and so on. It's like, oh my god, like timing right.
Speaker 3:Really timing, especially with babies. Like you know, you plan your day or your weekend and it happens two hours before the plan and always on a Wednesday.
Speaker 1:Wednesday, thursday or Friday, right before the weekend. They always have to, never on a Monday. Nobody gets sick on a Monday. They always get sick right before the weekend. All your plans are thrown into the wind and soon.
Speaker 3:You know, he fell one time, maybe 10 hours before my flight to France. I was like, oh, it's perfect, now I cannot take the plane, so you will cost me a ticket, you will cost me the doctor. No, no, no. I was like I have to go to the emergency to just check on him quickly because I was afraid he had like blood on his brain or something. Imagine, he has this and we are in the plane. No, no, no. So I was like, let's go to the emergency. I checked on him and then I took the plane. I was like I was not going to pay another ticket.
Speaker 1:What's it like? Because you were talking about that, you felt the shame. Like you're like I'm a bad mom because it's the same when he falls, or something. You're like, oh shit, like I'm not doing my job. But what's it like being in the Arabic culture? How's that?
Speaker 3:I mean my husband loves my son. It's like he loves him more than me. I think, yeah, I mean the eyes he puts on him is not the eyes he puts on me. So I mean I think it's like all the other culture. He was really afraid, like I can tell by his face he was. I would not say he would cry, but limit. He was really afraid, but I didn't say to anyone in the family because for the time being we are living with my in-laws, basically with his family, because we are building villa. So the thing is we already let maybe 12 in the house. So imagine me confronting 12 people. Sorry, I drive your grandson. No, no, no, I just. You know we kept it a secret between the room.
Speaker 1:Is there a lot of pressure from from within? I mean, I can imagine.
Speaker 3:I don't find it.
Speaker 1:I don't know. So they let you live your life the way it is.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they are very, very cool. You know, you know the? I feel like the Arabs here in Dubai are like, very like, oh, it happens, it happens, it's okay. You know, they say hallywally, oh, hallywally.
Speaker 1:Hallywally.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they are very chill and you know, this is one thing that made me really angry against my husband, because he has. You know, we always say, yeah, like you have a problem for every solution, he has a solution for every problem. He has a solution. You know, whenever there is no problem, he has a solution. Like you feel so at peace whenever you talk to him, because he is not angry. Whenever I say, like there's an issue, there is no issue, everything can be solved. And you know, you know the pressure like goes down whenever, whenever I talk to him, because he's like so Chilled about everything. So, no, I don't feel pressure at all, to be honest, and my in-laws are amazing, really amazing people. They will call me like as if I was From their family, so I have zero, zero pressure. I go out as I want, I come back whenever I want. It's like I being in my mother's house, but, you know, with additional 11 people.
Speaker 1:Second kid, or one is.
Speaker 3:To be honest, I'm not thinking about it now. So it was initially in the plan because you know one, he's not going to play with me For a lifetime. He wants I want him to fly and to have a partner. Sorry, no, no, no, I will. I'm thinking about it, but not now. I was saying like maybe Four year gap. Okay because no, no, no, the two under two. It's not for me.
Speaker 3:So you want two years of sleep in between right, yeah, exactly, I want him, you know, to be a little bit more independent. Like you know, no, no diapers. He can walk, he can talk. If he can help me, for the new baby, I Need actually a nanny.
Speaker 1:To be fair, you brought him here, you fed him, you close him, you let him fall a couple times. He doesn't need to know that right away. The least he can do is, you know, metre la malapat, he can. He can help out at home.
Speaker 3:I need him to help. Like you know, whenever it's for a year, four years old, wake up. It's your time. Wake up with your dad, do whatever you know. For me, it's like I did it for nine months. You owe me at least 18 years of.
Speaker 2:Honestly, since we have a kid like, I'm so much more grateful to my parents because, like, oh wow, you had to go through that. I was a terrible baby. I did not eat.
Speaker 1:I was asleep I did not sleep.
Speaker 2:I screamed the first two years of my life. So my mom always said, if I would have been the first, no second. Luckily I was a second. I have a brother. But yeah yeah, I mean imagine not at and in Germany, you know, couples, there's no help. Yeah, my mom didn't have parents anymore. They passed away already when she was young. So she was completely alone with two kids. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I think mama had three kids. She just doesn't tell you about the third one.
Speaker 2:He fell, but yeah, it's but I think that would be interesting. How was yours? Because now your family is in France, right? So how did you feel having a kid without your part of the family here?
Speaker 3:Um, actually the pregnancy was pretty easy. I won't lie, it was pretty easy. But you know I have. I had a problem, maybe at three months. I was just like going to the toilet normally and I just saw blood All over my tights and I cried because, you know, once, once they tell you that you are pregnant, you imagine a life for three people, not for two anymore. So during three months, for me we were three, not two. So I entered this bathroom I saw blood everywhere on my tights. I was like I Lost him. So I run to the hospital. You know, I called on because he was. He was, I think, at workers outside. I called him. He's like I'm coming, and you know his sisters. They came before him. So they took me to the hospital directly and you know, when they checked everything, they said like he's fine, he's fine, and I started to cry, to cry. I'm like please stay in my belly, please stay in my it's.
Speaker 3:It was really hard to live all of this without my mom, but at the same time it was like kind of end of COVID. You know, covid in France it lasted maybe 10 years. I feel like. You know, you know, every day they had a new role. So she's like and you know my mom is not young, she's like 65 she was like I don't want to take the risk of taking the plane, I don't want to take the risk for you, the taking the risk for me, you know, and my mom is alone. My sister is in Switzerland, I'm here. So she's like I want to stay alive as much as I can for to see your kids.
Speaker 3:So it was quite, quite hard, but I'm not angry against her, like I know that she has her work, she's alone, she has bills, she has, you know, she has her routine. I'll just she cannot just take the plane every two days for me. So Even for my wedding my sister was there, but my wedding was in, like in the middle of COVID, so my mom was not there. I think there were no flights or something, so my mom was not there, my sister was there only, like, from my side of the family, I had only my sister. And then you know, it was like a really small gathering, really small gathering, and it was like a buffet or something. I stayed maybe 20 minutes at my own wedding and I left. I was like I was invited to my wedding.
Speaker 1:Invited and paid.
Speaker 3:So you know, I To be to be honest, I just like I understand her, but I wanted her to be here at least for two days, like my. The birth, but the birth you know. You cannot. You cannot know when you will birth your son, unless you have a c-section. And at the end, at the end, I ended up having a c-section without knowing anything. So you cannot know. I was thinking it was to be a natural birth.
Speaker 3:It ended up c-section emergency c-section emergency c-section and, yeah, I wanted her to be here for my wedding, but you know, I mean, I understand it's like this, it's like this. She cannot be here in every plane coming to me. So we are adults now we can talk on the phone and you know, we have iPhones, you have FaceTime, you have everything.
Speaker 1:So I mean it's fine I cannot tell, you know, my mom?
Speaker 3:I can't. I come from a Divorced parents. It's a separate family. So I Understand everything she says. I will never say, like it's your fault, you did this, you did that. No, I understand everything and if I can make her life easy, I'll do it. Hmm, and as long as she's here whenever I need her in France, that's it. I don't need anything else like big events. She can see the pictures. It's sad in a way, but I Cannot. I cannot sit and cry about it. That's it. I think it's fine.
Speaker 2:Hmm, yeah, we felt quite alone. I remember after giving birth to Munanui, we totally underestimated that we don't have family here. We're like, oh, we'll be fine, because I was on maternity leave and then, anyways, as he's the stay at home dad, we were both at home. So like, oh, it's fine, we're gonna be two people full-time looking after the kid. And oh my god, so this guy there turns into a monster when he doesn't sleep, which we didn't know before, because Sometimes he wasn't sleeping that good before. So he only has like a four hour night and he functions. But I mean, with a baby, it's a different right. It's like different, different. You just cannot imagine so.
Speaker 2:And yeah, and then I'm not doing much better and I was full-on postpartum depression. I had also an emergency C-section and I just felt horrible and I didn't even I couldn't even change a diaper like I was so scared and like, oh my god, I couldn't be led alone. Like I remember he left once to go somewhere and then I was with Munanui alone and I was just so anxious, I don't know that horrible. So, anyways, and then we, we just felt quite alone, yeah, not having. And we, because we're not, I mean, we've been abroad for a long time also in many different countries. We're used to not being in our home country, but it's different, yes, really different with the kids. It's really different, yeah.
Speaker 3:Especially, you know, my friends that are pregnant. Now, the first advice I give them please bring someone from your family. You need someone Because you know, my mom was not there but I had 11 people looking after me at home. So I couldn't feel the postpartum. You know, I was like I was shocked because I had the C-section. I was shocked because, you know, I had Epidural because they were thinking I will give birth naturally. I had all the needles possible in the hospital going through me. You know, they break the water as well. Everything, everything, everything and the fact that I was so surrounded by people. I couldn't think about the bad things. I was like, anyways, I can give the baby to someone else and the next day to someone else, to someone else. I had 11, 12 people at home, so, and I had the nani. So I couldn't feel the postpartum that much, but I could feel that I was.
Speaker 3:There is a wall between the old Naja and the new one, like it's the second. I heard his voice Like the. I was like. You know I fainted, by the way. Oh, my God, yeah, I fainted. I was on the table like the. She did the C-section. I could feel that she was doing this.
Speaker 3:Opening yeah opening and I cannot feel the pain, only the stretching thing. And she pulled the baby. He said I was like, and they were like Naja, naja, I'm like this. And I cried but I fainted.
Speaker 1:Oh my.
Speaker 3:God, and from that moment I was someone else. But I didn't feel the you know, the pressure, responsibility and everything at once, because I shared the responsibility with 11 other people. That's why I didn't feel it that much. But I think without them I couldn't. I don't think I have the enough strength to do it by myself or even with my husband. I can't.
Speaker 1:It takes a village.
Speaker 3:It takes a world.
Speaker 1:I want people to tell me it takes a village. I know it takes a city. Like you need a city of people just doing, helping you with everything.
Speaker 3:Everything I mean. If you know you, you pass through so many emotions during one day. You can feel sad, you can be sad, happy, then you want to throw him by the window, then you want to hug him. Then I mean, how can possibly like a human feel that many feelings in one day?
Speaker 1:we're lucky, our windows on open.
Speaker 2:I mean, what do you see?
Speaker 1:We yeah, he's lucky the windows don't open. Well, we have the same feeling. You're just looking at the windows like, hmm, how many years of prison would I get for this crime? Also, I love you, but can you just be quiet for a little bit? But.
Speaker 3:I have. I have a question for you. Did you feel like, whenever I don't know if it's normal or not normal, I saw on social media that it was normal. Sometimes I look at the window and I hold my baby and I think one second about, if I chop him, what will happen. And I have like, my heart is just like. You know, I'm really afraid of just the thoughts of thinking about this. And then I'm like but I'm crazy, I can't, I shouldn't think about this, but I think about it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it's very normal. I actually we have a friend that called me one time. She was in a taxi and her baby was crying like didn't stop. She called me and she's like I'm going to throw my baby out the window right now and I go. First of all, relax. Why would you throw the baby out the window? Just open the door, get out of the car, close the door and walk away.
Speaker 3:I'd leave him in the car.
Speaker 1:I'd leave him in the car. You go to prison for a lot less for abandonment than actual murder. So it's two different things, but no, it's totally normal. I mean I've had the same thing. I still once in a while. I still get it. I mean he's not that fussy, but there's still sometimes. I'm just like you look and you're.
Speaker 3:You know, I got to a point where sometimes I sit and I'm like I will never murder a baby, but I can imagine why they murdered the baby and I feel terrible for just thinking this, but do you feel the same when you look at your husband sometime?
Speaker 1:No, exactly that's my point.
Speaker 3:Especially when you're pregnant all the time.
Speaker 2:Why are you breathing, sir, exactly? Why can you sleep every night? And I cannot?
Speaker 1:Yeah, but that's my point, and I feel the same with you, or even with friends sometimes, and you just look at it. It's like I will. If there's a car coming right now and I can get away with it, I will push you in front of the car and walk away and I will not feel joy. I will feel actual joy, but I think it's totally normal. I think society has this kind of feeling because it's a child. We shouldn't feel that way. But for me it's another human and our human emotions are the same, whether it's a child or not, and it's just an emotion that you just feel on the moment. Exactly, you shouldn't be ashamed of it. And it's funny. I mean, when she called me to tell me that I feel like I want to throw her out the window, I was like, first of all, welcome to our world. And don't do it. Don't do it, relax, know how it looks, it's hard.
Speaker 3:It's very hard, but I mean, that's what I remember.
Speaker 2:Philip's mom said that, I think when we were sitting downstairs and I think Fanny was still pregnant, and she said, and she told them, like both of you will think once a day to somehow get rid of that baby.
Speaker 1:It's OK to think it, and she was a teacher. Right, she's a teacher, and she's a teacher.
Speaker 2:And I think this was a nice advice. She's like it's normal to think it, but just don't do it, just don't do it.
Speaker 1:Every day, you think about killing your husband. Oh, just a minute Just don't do it.
Speaker 2:No, why not?
Speaker 1:I think you're the luckiest woman?
Speaker 3:Yeah, just appreciating the clothes on the floor.
Speaker 1:Clothes on the floor. That's her, that's not me.
Speaker 2:You're the husband. She's the husband, exactly.
Speaker 1:She's the husband.
Speaker 2:I'm so easy, such an easy husband. See, that's what husbands say.
Speaker 1:I don't understand you. What are you complaining about? I'm so easy All I need is just food, water and I go through life.
Speaker 3:She's just another baby, she's just another baby. That's true.
Speaker 1:That is true, right.
Speaker 2:I need a lot of care.
Speaker 1:The maintenance work.
Speaker 3:How did you know you were pregnant?
Speaker 2:Oh, because my period is like in German. So it is on time and no, so we were playing so a long time. We're together since a long time and a long time we actually didn't 13 years together and 10 years married next year.
Speaker 2:Next year it's 10 years married yeah, 13 years together, and yeah. So for a long time actually, we didn't really want kids. And something changed. Two years ago, I don't know Somehow, I started thinking about it and then we started talking. He's like, yeah, ok, let's go. And I'm like I was like what do you mean?
Speaker 1:now it's like yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is going to be the Hollywood.
Speaker 2:Let it be. I was like no, no, no, I still need to think. He's like is anything going to change? I was like I don't know, probably not. He's like OK, so yalla. And then it was funny because it was really the first try, because I was very protective before, like I made sure I will not get pregnant.
Speaker 1:She took the pill I use. Condoms Like this is like yeah, we were really safe.
Speaker 2:We were very safe. And so yeah, and it was literally the first try, and then two weeks later I was supposed to get my period on that day. I didn't get it. We were in Germany, still at my parents' place actually, and I knew, because it's really on time, and then I was like yep, and then we arrived back in Dubai, did the test.
Speaker 3:OK, so it was like a normal thing, like a period stopped, and you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we knew exactly, I wish it was the same For me.
Speaker 3:It was totally different. I knew I was pregnant because I was feeling like depressed, so depressed. I left my job, my old job, and I was at home for two weeks and I felt like why am I feeling all these feelings? Why am I eating for 10? I couldn't recognize myself. I was like I was just like I was depressed because I left my job. I was thinking this.
Speaker 3:So one day I was like no, no, no, no, you have to go to the hospital. There is something wrong. I was crying. I called my mom. I said why am I here? I want to go back to France. And she said you need to do something, you have a problem. So when she said this, I was like I will go to the hospital. I went to the hospital, they did the blood tests and before doing it she was like you're pregnant. I said, of course no, of course not. And she's like oh, don't worry, we will do the blood tests and I will call you if there is anything. I said, oh, fine. So two days later, no, call nothing.
Speaker 3:So I received an email. I was like oh, it's the test, let's see. So you have one hormone. I don't know what it is. It's like CCV, hgz. I'm not a doctor. Anyways, this hormone tells you, basically, if you're pregnant or not, and usually it's less than five or around five, I think. I checked the number, it was like 29,850. And I was like, oh wait, wait, wait, wait. I went on. I was in the car. We were in Jabal Jase. I was in the car and I was checking the numbers and I was like, no, I will not say anything, I'll just Google it before. And at the same time I send the WhatsApp to my doctor yeah, to my doctor and I checked on Google. I was like what does it mean 29? You know the stupid question. You ask Google what does it mean 29? And then I was like I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant. And at the same time I received a message from my doctor. She said congratulations and I'm like I was looking at the road and looking at him. He was driving. He was like peacefully driving.
Speaker 1:His last moment of peace. From that moment he didn't know his life was going to change.
Speaker 3:And I was like looking outside, and I was like we are in the middle of nowhere and I have a test. And I was like. I looked at him, I was like I'm pregnant. I didn't say hi, I didn't say bye, I didn't introduce the subject, nothing. I'm pregnant. He said, oh no, and he was still dying because I have polycystic ovaries. So, doctors, they were like it will be difficult, it will be difficult and in my whole life I didn't even get one accident, so I'm like it will be difficult for me. So he was like no, no, you're not. I said I am pregnant, I have the test, I am pregnant. And then I started crying because I was like you're so small, how did I? I couldn't feel anything, you'd not feel anything. And he was like this, driving in this.
Speaker 1:So for the first moment in his life he didn't have a solution. No, Exactly.
Speaker 3:And then he stopped by a supermarket and he went down to take something, and he forgot to ask me if I needed something.
Speaker 1:I was like oh great.
Speaker 3:It's hard. And, yeah, he came back. He's like, oh, you need something. No, thank you, it's not like I told you. I was pregnant too many times.
Speaker 1:And then what happened after? And nothing.
Speaker 3:We drove back home.
Speaker 1:Oh Like no, nothing, Nothing.
Speaker 3:He was like really shocked.
Speaker 1:I could see from his eyes he was really shocked. I can hear from the story too he was definitely shocked.
Speaker 3:No, but he was like shaking.
Speaker 1:He didn't really expect it to happen.
Speaker 3:Because we were married for seven months when I knew I was pregnant. I mean it's quick for newlyweds. It was very quick.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 3:I was like it happens, it happens, it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. But I didn't imagine it would happen, that quick Plus. When you see on Google it's like always two years of trying, 10 years of trying, you know, I was like I'll have my kid at 40.
Speaker 1:But we have a lot of friends that really had so much difficulty actually getting a child, and this is, for us, why we thought you know what, if we want to have a kid, let's try it now, because it will take exactly that whole thinking of like it's going to take it. It's literally hali wali.
Speaker 3:Hali wali. Yeah, Like just try it now, and whenever it happens, it happens.
Speaker 1:Exactly, and then it was hali wala yes.
Speaker 3:Two weeks.
Speaker 2:Two weeks, two weeks in hali wala. Yeah, but it was the address because I was 36 already. But we also said you know, if it happens, it happens, if not, it's also OK. I mean we lived happy before I was so happy.
Speaker 1:I think what she wanted to say was we lived happier before.
Speaker 3:And she felt we were never childhood friends after it.
Speaker 1:There was a pause there. She was like I don't know.
Speaker 2:We're happy now too. I mean, it's a different kind of happy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what. Yeah, it's a different kind of happy. It's like when you say ha.
Speaker 3:It's a happy without sleep.
Speaker 1:It's so many happy without a lot of different stuff in this world. It's really you're happy, you're tired, you're angry, you're frustrated.
Speaker 3:You love it, but you know, I feel like it's more, like you feel more the side of the management side of it. You don't, I don't feel like, I don't feel like I love him every second, but I feel like I have to manage him every second. So it's really different. It's just like you pass from, you know, one adult that can do whatever you want, any time, any day, to a manager.
Speaker 1:It's. You see him running, dancing, you're like, oh so cute. And then you're like, oh shit, I need to make lunch for him, exactly. Then you go into the cook mode and then you go to the feed mode, which you're like there are moments where during the feeding you love him. I'm like, oh so cute when you make the OK you need to finish Exactly.
Speaker 1:You need to finish, and then it's like you take him off and then you let him go and then you have to clean up, right, and those moments you really hate. And then there's these really cute little moments where they're like those are great, but it's the whole managing thing.
Speaker 3:Exactly. I mean it passes so quickly because I don't feel like you appreciate every second. You're just like. I need to manage him because he, if he pees, he would not change himself.
Speaker 1:I'm looking forward to that. Actually, at La Marre, eating by themselves, eating by themselves Like the pain from themselves. I mean now we're looking into the whole potty training. I don't think he's ready yet for potty training.
Speaker 3:At 17,. I don't think.
Speaker 1:No, so. But we know at La Marre and we're like, oh yeah, this is really cool, they have the toilet and they're also going to help us, you know, because they also go over there and you're like, finally you're not alone on another thing, like oh and he can pee by his own. But then you know, it's another three months where he's just going to pee. He might take his diaper off, but he won't walk to the potty and just like pee-pee, it's like so cute and you have to clean that shit up.
Speaker 3:You have this part of the potty training as well, where you will have to put at least 10 extra pants and 10 extra tops, because you know he will do. He will have 10 accidents a day and he will pee in your car and he will pee everywhere.
Speaker 1:I mean, it's not like we don't buy enough diapers already.
Speaker 3:You'll have to buy a car now.
Speaker 1:We rent a car, so this is perfect.
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:We can exchange it every month. I'm just going to go back to your car. I was like there's something wrong with the car. I need a new one, please. And then it's going to be like why is it really stings bad in this car? Listen, don't judge me. I have a child.
Speaker 3:Exactly so. It's hard and it's pee everywhere.
Speaker 1:But it's interesting that you told your friends the ones that are pregnant or wanting to get pregnant right now is the fact that bring a family member here.
Speaker 3:I'll bring everyone, Bring Anani. I tell them bring Anani before delivering, before before, because they were like, oh it's fine, I think I can make it. I said you cannot, this is what you think, baby, you cannot.
Speaker 1:There's your thoughts and then there's reality, and reality is totally different from what you think.
Speaker 3:And I'm just thinking one second about moms in Europe.
Speaker 2:How.
Speaker 3:How? Just explain to me the math behind how you did it With not one, not two, three, four, five. How? Because you don't have Anani, ok, you have maybe your family, but a lot of family members, you know Mothers are single. How, with one or two with how did you do it? How can you manage the home? How can you manage laundry? How can you manage eating, school extra activities, how I can manage him peeing once?
Speaker 2:But I mean it was interesting. We had my parents on the podcast here as well, and I Think I mean what my mom said. She's like you know, we just didn't think too much, they just did, and I think they were not as Perfectionist maybe as we are as we wouldn't like read a book about oh, when do I need to potty train? I mean, I don't know. They just did it the way they. There was not so much information, so I think they just took everything a bit.
Speaker 3:They went with the flow.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly, I think today is harder. Actually, I think because today it's like us right, we're reading oh, when is the potty train? I went ready to do this. Oh, now we should have 10 words, now should be 50, but, and I think now, with all the information, it's getting harder, that I'm also thinking.
Speaker 1:I think also a lot of Think. Her parents were heavily alcoholics for a very long time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but the ones that are breastfeeding they cannot even drink. I Mean they could. Maybe that's a solution.
Speaker 1:Nobody, it's, it's, it's really true. You look at them, you just.
Speaker 3:I think before they were just like going with the flow and I think today they were like. You know, I feel just guilty when you tell me oh, my son is sleeping every night at 7 30. I'm like Mine is watching TV till 10. Like you know, it's the. You have different families, you have different backgrounds and I don't think that you know you should Just check one people's experience and just like reflected on you.
Speaker 3:Yeah it's not like because he's sleeping at 7 30 in her family that you know he had. Your baby has to do the same, and I feel guilty about everything, like whenever you tell me oh, I mean, I knew is doing something. I'm like should should mine do the same at this age? You always ask yourself this question.
Speaker 1:But this is actually the reason why we did this podcast, because I really, you know, and it's called the 2 am Club because it's at 2 am You're sitting there she's breast pumping, I'm, you know, giving him a bottle, and you're through Instagram because you're dead and it's cute. But you also, you know, and you look at Instagram, social media, and it sees super power moms when wearing sombreros. You know, they wear these, the lure hats, pistel colors, and they're like, oh my god, this is just so amazing. I mean.
Speaker 1:Johnny is doing so great at school right now. I mean he's like jumping and just amazing.
Speaker 3:He's why he knows how to write. He's only two years exactly.
Speaker 1:I mean, you Know it's. It's like this is what I was made for. This, this right here, this moment. It's engraved in my mind forever and I'm just sitting there going like this moment is shit. And why is nobody saying that on the?
Speaker 3:I smell shit. I feel like I know.
Speaker 1:I have shit on my shirt. I Got I got breast milk because you know the the nipple didn't get caught, so it flicks in his mouth and it flies into your glasses. Your glasses are all dirty. Your fingers on it because you don't touch them, probably because you're. You know, I was just like. This whole experience is really shitty. It's beautiful but it's really shitty. And I'm like where's that? Where is all of those stories? And then I'm from Tahiti. We have a totally different culture from the US or from France, but we're also brought up differently and Svenja's German. So now is also where's the other side? Where's the non-western? You know where's flip-flops to the head? You know where's that stuff. Where's the belt? Where's the wooden spoon on the fingers? Where's the good stuff? Like you know, that stuff is missing. It's funny. She got hit one time in her life.
Speaker 2:I.
Speaker 3:Was. I was made, made out.
Speaker 1:You know she caused my skin, elephant skin. You know why? Because I was hit, because I took the car, and she still remembers and she's traumatized by this one time I think I don't remember when I wasn't hit.
Speaker 3:I don't remember one time. Because they did it so many times I couldn't pick the best one.
Speaker 1:I got hit to told my mom would hit me and she'd say stop crying. And she would hit me continuously to tell me to stop crying, like it was. Where's that? Where's that part of?
Speaker 2:me. It was especially after delivery, like you know, these first four weeks in Germany, that I mean, this is like the golden month, yeah, this here as well.
Speaker 3:In local traditional way they had the. The mother has 40 days where she has to leave the house and to go to her mom's. Okay yeah, so in in.
Speaker 2:Germany is like you're supposed to stay at home for four weeks and enjoy yeah and enjoy Exactly what am. I supposed to enjoy and I was reading this you know Instagram that I was following from the midwife and like, oh, and make your nice bed, and then your husband brings the food and make sure it smells like lavender, like make your nice titter there. And then I was lying there. It's like I don't enjoy it. I don't know where's my husband. My husband was there, but in the lavender bath.
Speaker 2:But to be fair, he was also there, but not there and I was like this is not enjoy it. Like how can you enjoy this? Like I'm hurting from the C section. I cannot move, I'm like bleeding. I can't poo. I have to put a finger up my ass. Like I'm cool, it was horrible.
Speaker 1:It was really bad. I had to help at one point. Oh really yeah, it was really really bad. Where's the gold in this? There's no gold.
Speaker 2:Really yeah. And then I was like, and then look at this Sorry, honey, you have me to pull.
Speaker 1:But that was really the reality.
Speaker 2:I was like well, I'm going through a second birthday, you know.
Speaker 3:Oh my god you know, the day that you birth your son or your daughter, you rebirth. It's another you. It's not the you of do you remember yourself before?
Speaker 1:I don't have any remembrance of my past. I see my Facebook feed shows me memories.
Speaker 3:I'm like, oh Do you have the picture on iPhone the day that you became parents and the before I.
Speaker 1:Totally different, totally different.
Speaker 3:Yeah, oh, my god, yeah, and this. You know what? I will never delete the first picture, because I know that this is the day I switched.
Speaker 1:It's. It's totally different. It's interesting.
Speaker 2:I remember a friend of my mom's telling me oh so yeah, now since, since you have a kid, you just look different.
Speaker 1:I'm like okay, I'm like you know so when you're pregnant you get a glow, but then when you bring him a parent, you just look old.
Speaker 3:Blow down. It's a blow down.
Speaker 2:Sorry, I was never really glowing during pregnancy.
Speaker 1:No, you were just sweating.
Speaker 3:I.
Speaker 2:Had a difficult pregnancy. Oh, I hated it. I wouldn't say it was difficult, but it was also not easy. I would say I'm something. Yeah, it was.
Speaker 1:I would say it was difficult.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Difficult without any baby in his belly.
Speaker 1:It was very difficult, it was really. I mean, you had the, you had remember, you had the belt.
Speaker 2:Move. I had the belt thing. Yeah, I mean just physically it was tough on me because I had a big baby.
Speaker 1:And then the boobs. Like they, they didn't double, they went five times more.
Speaker 2:They just because I had so much like so much milk and oh wow, this is painful people. Oh my god, yeah, I had it because they I somewhere I was reading oh, after three months of pregnancy, the boobs are kind of in the size now. They were still like this and they were ready, like you just say okay, so now let's buy some bras. You know how many bras I have in. I don't know how many.
Speaker 1:Remember when we went to the bra store triumph and the African woman there. She was like, madam, you go to where I buy my. And she was, she was a hefty woman, she was, you know, like older and I still remember when she said that's like no, madam, he wanted to try something. I was like no, madam, you come to where. I yeah, but also I think this yeah no, because we had the emergency C-section and then he was in the NSU for a week.
Speaker 1:Oh okay, he had water in his lungs. I mean I almost lost her and him.
Speaker 3:Oh my god, yeah, did you feel terrible?
Speaker 1:I feel till today. I Never want to ever go through that ever again, and that's one of the reasons why I don't want to have a second child. Okay because I don't want to be put in that position where I could lose her and the baby.
Speaker 3:No, it's very cool. It's really you know, you know, when I gave birth and I had the, the C-section and everything I I wished I could die and I was really serious. This is the only time in my life I was like I did everything. I think it's time for me to go. It was so painful, everything was painful, the whole experience, everything. I'm like how can a human being handle all this pain?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's really, it's, it's. It's amazing what a woman, what amount of pain a woman can go through with that whole thing. So for you, how many centimeters were you dilated before they said emergency C-section?
Speaker 3:So I entered on Wednesday, wednesday 11 pm. You know they injected me like a liquid that, can you know, open the vagina or something and it was very slow. So every hour she was checking on me and at Thursday at Seven she said six section and she didn't even give me the choice she's like hop going to the.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you didn't even start pushing and everything.
Speaker 3:I started, but the thing is he wasn't going down at all.
Speaker 1:He, he didn't move.
Speaker 3:No, he had the head down but he didn't want to come out. Come out, zero. I. I can. I could feel him pushing, but he didn't want to come out. And Actually I think that I had a problem with my bone structure or something. And whenever he was born, his head was like long because he was trying to push so hard to come down and he couldn't. So yeah, C-section two seconds on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, because she went through. I think you were, he was that, if I remember. It's like five, four, three, two, zero and then you go to minus one. You were like two, two away from normal birth.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was, and I was ten centimeters you were time to me as dilator.
Speaker 1:We've been pushing and I'll push, push, push.
Speaker 2:And then the doctor came and she's like he was stuck.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he was stuck. I mean, his head was already out. Okay, his shoulders were stuck.
Speaker 3:Oh my god. So you're in the middle of literally.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so he had water in the lungs and everything it's nasty so no more of that. We're good. Thanks, we're good. If you want a second child, there's a lot of husbands out there.
Speaker 3:Choose one of them. You know it's always a surprise how you will end up at the hospital. They tell you like normal birth. You end up C-section with all the needles in your inside your body. No that's why. That's why I'm telling my friends don't ever expect what they're seeing.
Speaker 1:This is so good. Surprise, this is, this is there.
Speaker 3:It's a surprise. It could be in two seconds and it could be in 24 hours, it could be in 40.
Speaker 1:You know, you never know it's, but that is such a good it's really that it really is that most people have this. I want to do it this way, this way, and If it does work out that way, I'm so happy for you. But a lot of times it doesn't happen that way and that's really the yeah, it's really the tough part.
Speaker 3:You know you have some. Some people as well ladies, they want to give birth in water. I'm like when you will feel that it's time. Trust me, you want to go to the hospital and not to go in the water, and I, you don't have time for this. Who got time for this? You know organic things, water.
Speaker 1:With the smells. I want the smells in the music and the crystals and and the and the bowl the bring. I think this is, this is your first child. That's, that's the the imagination you have when you haven't had a child yet, and then afterwards you're like no, I just, I just want them out.
Speaker 3:It's okay. You know you wanted to be so perfect that it ends up so imperfect. Oh my god, it has nothing to do with your dreams.
Speaker 2:Yes, exactly, and it's I think I hadn't really no expected. I wasn't scared, right like, and I had no expectations and it still was worse than what I expected. Even I had no expectations. No, I actually like maybe what you said at the beginning. I always said don't make me go through both. Okay, choose Natural or C-section, but please can I like not go through all the? You know, yeah, the contraption and everything. And then you do a C-section, please, and then it, of course, that's what happened, right. So yeah, maybe really expect nothing.
Speaker 3:I feel, I really feel that C-section is easier because you have a date. Oh, I will have a child today, you know you can plan everything ahead of time and you know, natural birth is like whenever you want baby. No, it's whatever I want, because I have you in my belly. I cannot stand you anymore. I need to eat sushi. I want raw fish, exactly.
Speaker 1:I want my raw fish, I want my raw steak, I want my wine. I just want you out. I want to feel my legs again. I want blood flowing through everything.
Speaker 3:I need my bottle of vodka. I need to forget about this.
Speaker 2:But how about? You mentioned you had a lot of baby brain, so how?
Speaker 3:oh my god, okay. So basically, I think, while I was pregnant, I was fine and I'm the kind of girl that remembers everything. You know what. I remember the date that you sent me, the message that you told me that you, you, don't love me anymore. What time and where. I was and after this I Couldn't remember even my my mom, like really it's.
Speaker 3:It is so bad till now and I'm 14, yeah, for 13 months into it I can talk to you and just like stop and you'd back, you're okay. I said I am okay, but my brain no. I Think there's a problem. It's like having a hole, yeah, and you don't remember even the subject you were talking about. You just like stop.
Speaker 1:But if your baby were to cry, you would know exactly. It was your child, wasn't it?
Speaker 3:Exactly in a room full of other kids in a room full of crying babies, you would. You will pick the one.
Speaker 1:So crazy. But then you forget how to say one simple word it's yeah.
Speaker 3:It could be cheese. Exactly every just sitting there, like what you know the you know the yellow thing that you buy at car for.
Speaker 1:You got cheese with the, with the cow that's laughing. You know the move. You mean cheese, exactly that thing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's like having I would describe it as having a hole in your brain because it's literally whole, because I remember, you know, before the, in the before Ryan, I had, like you know, I can't lose my memory a bit, but not like this. I could remember the subject and I would find my word. And now I cannot find my word. I don't know. I don't know if you know, I. I don't know if it's like the, the COVID vaccine or the mommy brain mixed together, or you know it's.
Speaker 1:I think, from what I read the the baby brain. I mean, it's really just a loss of memory. It's the fact that your, your brain, is conserving so much energy for the most important things, which is the baby. Yeah, and so it just it's. I have no energy.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 1:I have just no energy to remember cheese, that's literally how that's really easy to remember your baby crying, food that you need to remember, that cheese Just need you can talk later. You just need to know how to put it in your mouth. You don't need to put a name on it. Yeah, it's really but does it?
Speaker 3:does it have like an ending time?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it does. Okay after can't wait. Can't wait the nice thing. You won't remember it.
Speaker 3:And then you will be like, oh I, I had mommy brains, and Even you will laugh about it.
Speaker 1:Yeah even the way you say it right, it's a date mommy brain. It sounds so cute like, oh my god, it's a mommy break. No, it's really.
Speaker 3:It's cute in being a mother. No please no, if you're watching us nothing, think about it twice, three, four, five times.
Speaker 2:Yeah. It is so much harder than you think it's really so much harder. But I have to say, and so for me, the baby brain got a lot better when I started working. So after four months I went back to the office and of course, and then I wasn't surrounded by him too much, yeah, and I had to use my brain.
Speaker 1:But hold on, excuse me, we also have to use our brains In a different way.
Speaker 3:Don't remember. They don't pay you, so your brain?
Speaker 1:knows this? Yeah, but if you don't remember, the baby might die.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:This is like a man right now, like I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2:No, of course, of course you also need your brain when you're taking care of a kid, but it's just in a different way. So for me, just being away, yeah, it changed a lot, but it is still there. I remember when I went to a business trip in May and I still had conversations I'm I just, I'm like not there, like I look at you.
Speaker 3:I sell the company.
Speaker 2:Like what did the person say? I really cannot follow, especially if it's longer. So longer, shorter conversations I'm quite good, I would say. But I think meanwhile now 17 months I'm, I would say I don't really have it anymore.
Speaker 1:No, I think so, I think I'm okay, I I get it. I have hope. Yeah, I get it less now.
Speaker 2:I but he use. You have it a bit more, I would say I.
Speaker 1:I have it more now or I have less.
Speaker 2:No, you have it less from before, but more than me.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, but that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:So you have mommy brains? Yeah, yeah, I have mommy brain.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, actually, men. There are studies that show the state home dad, or actually they become hormonal like women. So this month for me okay my hormones are like.
Speaker 3:When I will have my period Exactly.
Speaker 1:But it doesn't. I don't have a period, but I have all the hormones that come with it. So I have crying. I can be in the car and just start crying, just tears coming out just because of a fucking song. That's just a stupid song and I'll just start. Then I get angry, I get sad, I get depressed, I get happy. All of it, all of it. I have all of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I didn't know this.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's quite interesting.
Speaker 1:And so men actually get it. So a lot of the fathers that stay, or even women that don't have a baby, that didn't give it the birth right Okay, but they, they adopt a child.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 1:The hormones you get. They just come out. The more you stay with the child, okay, the more these hormones actually come out of you.
Speaker 2:So it doesn't matter this study, remember, I think we talked about it what it is. It's the study on father's brain and whether it's sensitive to childcare, and they say it really is a one to one link. Whether you take care of a kid, then you will have the impact, so no matter who it is actually.
Speaker 1:So this month has been my period month there is more.
Speaker 2:I mean, they really and this is quite nice. So they're really doing more studies now on this and they scan the brain or sort of mothers, and they scan it one year before then when I think, like around birth, and then I think six months and one year after. One year after it was almost the same for most of the women. But of course you need to see how much time are these women spending with the kids. So do they go back to work or do they take care full time or do they go to the nursery and so on? So there's really the connection on. You know, depending on how much time you spend, so you should spend less time with your kids.
Speaker 3:So your brain will come back. I spent five minutes a day Coming back from work and saying hi only.
Speaker 1:This podcast is brought to you by Durex, don't forget.
Speaker 3:Please sponsor us.
Speaker 1:No, but really it's like this month this month has been. I mean, she'll tell you she. Really I annoy her.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, he's so emotional, Like really. He's really like the she calls me the porcupine.
Speaker 1:The thing is, I'm not used to it. I'm just used to her being like that, right, I'm not used to it. So for me, I'm like what is all of this?
Speaker 2:What's happening? Like you're almost back, exactly. I'm like, can I be like? What is it with you? He's like horny, you know, like and over.
Speaker 3:Super sensitive, very moody, yeah this much she's like get your stuff together Exactly, Get your stuff together.
Speaker 1:But I can never tell her that.
Speaker 3:She gets angry and he cries no, don't tell me this.
Speaker 1:And then when I tell her, I was like, yeah, why You're so sensitive? She tells me and I'm like I'm just really sensitive right now. I was like can you like get over this, or something?
Speaker 3:You're not supposed to feel anything.
Speaker 2:I'm such an understanding woman.
Speaker 3:Well then, easy life I have with you. Exactly.
Speaker 1:And I was like can you bring lunch also? That would be great At 12.30. But it really is. The hormones is really crazy.
Speaker 3:I didn't know about the study.
Speaker 1:I also didn't know, and I just want to, because I felt that who I was was starting to change. I could feel things changing. I was just like I don't feel, why am I so emotional? And then I was like OK, there's something. Like there's something. And then I was just googling and researching and then I found it. And then you dig deeper and you're like oh, wow, OK, there's.
Speaker 3:This is what I have.
Speaker 1:Exactly this is what I have.
Speaker 3:You know, when you're sick and you go to Google and Google tells you you have a cancer. You have a cancer.
Speaker 1:I have hormones. I have a hormone monster that comes out once every two. This month has been really tough.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this is Once every minute.
Speaker 3:Maybe you're getting emotional, Maybe when you are seeing Moon and Me like getting older and older.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, it's not that. I think it's more retrospective you on the parent you want to be, and then you also have how your parents were with you.
Speaker 3:Correcting the mistakes Exactly.
Speaker 1:And that whole moment and those little emotions from your childhood, mixed with your parenthood, now get in. It just kind of and it sparks just a bigger explosion of feelings and stuff.
Speaker 3:You're like my mom used to tell me this, but I know this is not the quiet thing to say to my child, so I should say it in another way. Oh my god, and you know I mean half of the things that my mom said are not good to say to a child. So I'm like I have to correct her behavior now and you don't want to pass this thing to your child and you have to think about what's the correct way, and you don't even know the correct way, so you have to try it on your child and adjust.
Speaker 1:And your child is just a test subject, Exactly that you say inshallah, this works.
Speaker 3:Inshallah, yes, you're good at 18.
Speaker 1:You will have problems because of me, but you won't have the same problems I have because of my parents. It's different.
Speaker 3:Yeah, a new generation, new problem.
Speaker 1:Exactly, but you think about it too right.
Speaker 3:And you know, what's weird is that you get to know what are your child's problems only at his 15, 16 years old. So you're parenting for a long time and one time he will tell you something you said it's my fault, and you would know that it's because of you and you have killed all your life.
Speaker 1:But it really is because of us, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I remember my mom still worrying today about us and I'm like mom, we're both doing really good Like you made it, I'm 46 now. You made it. You raised two really good children. We're on our own. We're actually, we can do our own stuff. We're good people. He's like, oh yeah, yeah, ok, ok. Because he's like, oh no, I'm very done and I was like, yeah, I think it never stops sometimes.
Speaker 1:This thing is forever, exactly. Do you want me to send you something, are you guys OK?
Speaker 2:I'm not eating enough. Did you get your key today? Did you bring it? It's cold outside.
Speaker 3:And it's 45 outside. It's cold. Take a jacket.
Speaker 1:It's cold in the malls, to be honest.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's very cold. You know, whenever someone wants to visit, I said take a jacket. He's like, but it's 58. Yeah, take a jacket. You will know. And especially like in January, december, january, it's cold, it's cold. I don't know if you have been here for more than one year, right?
Speaker 1:Yeah, we've been here for almost four now 3 and 1 half OK so you know Dubai, I don't know.
Speaker 3:I feel like when you live here you feel the difference, I mean totally, between the summer and the winter. December, january it's cold especially Did you do like the desert thing. It's cold, you need a coat. But it's nice cold, Like it's nice, it's cold. I don't know if it's nice, but it's totally different from Europe. I mean, in Europe I think you can for me at least, I can handle the cold, but here, when it's cold in the desert, it's like entering my bones.
Speaker 2:It's really different, because inside, because everywhere, then it's cold.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So you don't really. Yeah, it's our office. It's also freezing at the time.
Speaker 3:And you have runny nose and you cough. You cough in August.
Speaker 1:And for your husband? How is it for him when? Because now the way you were raised and then the way he was raised, because I can imagine that's two totally different ways.
Speaker 3:No, so actually it's two different ways. But the thing is, in the last, let's say, 20 to 30 years, Dubai opened up so much that he can get my brains Like he can imagine what I'm thinking about and how I think about this Because they started from nothing and now they have maybe 80%, 90% of expats, so they have to adjust their, let's say, older brain to the new one. So we don't actually have miscommunication or fights about raising a child or the way we see life. Not at all.
Speaker 1:So same path on.
Speaker 3:Yeah, same path, but we still have little differences. But I think the similarities are way bigger.
Speaker 1:Flip flop to the head also. Yeah.
Speaker 3:That's the same in every language, every country.
Speaker 1:Are there specialties in the Dubai for the Emirati families that they use for? So in Tahiti we have the Bali Nio, which is actually the inside of the coconut leaf. They put it together and it's a broom. This is in Tahiti. It's like when my mom says go get the Bali Nio. Ooh, you know you did something like that Get out from the house. Of course you get the flip-flop and all the rest, but is there something here that you're like? Oh, I didn't know that. That's the assist.
Speaker 3:But nowadays they don't hit the kids anymore, especially in 2023. Before maybe they used to do it, but I know for sure if I want to do it with Ryan, he would stop me directly. I think he would stop me, and I didn't see any of the children at home being beaten or something.
Speaker 1:I call it corrected, not beaten Beaten.
Speaker 3:I mean corrected, or yeah, I don't see this as correcting someone, because the way it's done it's nearly a murder. Yeah, but no, I didn't see it. But I mean, nowadays if something happens, you call the police, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:It's the same here also.
Speaker 3:I think it's the same, but I don't think here they will call the police on you if you got beaten up or corrected by your father, but in France definitely Now they can do this. My father touched me or my mom touched me or not. I think it's another way of raising children. Now I don't think I can do it to even touch him. I did. I did once. I did don't do this, don't do this, but I was like don't do this.
Speaker 1:Don't do this In your mind. In your mind, you thought it was really bad, but actually it was a strong caress, exactly.
Speaker 3:I was like don't do this, OK. In my mind I was like do this, it's OK. No, no, but you know, when it's your blood it's different. But I just don't understand how my mom corrected us that much, Because she loved you. I mean, you know it's. I think that her parents corrected her soul, so like we're in the worst way, in the worst way than she did, so for her it was nice. Yeah for sure.
Speaker 1:What they did, the way they corrected us, was much better than the way they got corrected, because they tell you that Exactly it's like oh, you should have seen the way they did it for me. I was like well, I wasn't there.
Speaker 3:Exactly, but I think it's not. No, no, no, I don't think I would touch my kid ever, even to correct them. I think for me everything passes by the communication. Like you can talk to. I prefer to talk to him every day about the same issue, or to plant a seed in his mind, rather than no a little bit of fear is also good, right? Just a little bit maybe a little bit like.
Speaker 1:I still remember my mom's word I brought you into this world and I can take you out.
Speaker 3:Oh my god, that's a strong.
Speaker 2:I can tell you I'm not afraid of a lot of people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're afraid of my mom. I'm still afraid of my mom. I'm scared to death.
Speaker 3:Hi mom, you cannot even look at her.
Speaker 1:Exactly, I love you, mom, but I'm still afraid.
Speaker 3:All is right.
Speaker 1:When she starts screaming or she's like, oh so why is this happening? Really, I start going back into a child phase. I'm like I'm really sorry, I didn't know that I was offended, and you're like hold on one second, I'm 41 years old, damn it.
Speaker 3:Don't talk to me like that. I'm so sorry you cannot talk to me like this.
Speaker 1:Don't talk to me like that. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 3:Yeah, even if we are 55, we are still the sons, yeah, the babies.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 3:The son of the daughter.
Speaker 1:And we still love our children and we love our parents.
Speaker 3:But you know what, whenever I'm at my mom's, it's like Trayon doesn't exist. It's not my child, it's her child. I just take it, I just act like I'm 15 years old and I don't know why he's here. It's mine, ok, but when you go back to your mom's I don't know if you went back to- Germany, you're like, take your responsibility. You wanted him, here he goes.
Speaker 2:No, it's different, Unfortunately. Yeah, but our culture is quite different in Germany, so the grandparents don't really see that they have any responsibility. They are more oh, you wanted this. No, it's more like see how difficult it is. Yeah, they're just like yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:You had no physical. I didn't touch you for a long time. I never hit you, but now you will understand the pain Exactly exactly.
Speaker 3:It's a brain pain.
Speaker 2:So they'll do the fun stuff, but they'll not do the yeah, changing diapers or Like when we were in Berlin.
Speaker 1:When we were in Berlin oh my god, that's so funny we went to the store to go get some shopping, just landed in the hotel and then on the way there, right at our hotel, there's a bar downstairs and we're like all right, let's stop, have a nice little drink before we go upstairs with the parents and the baby. And so we ordered a drink and they called when I knew he took a shit and apparently they forgot how to change diapers. They're like. You need to come upstairs when I knew he took a shit change the diaper, we're like. And he was crying.
Speaker 2:I think he was tired or whatever, I don't know. But they're like can you come home?
Speaker 3:Can we take wine?
Speaker 1:Take away. We took it away, we took it, we took it. They're like, you're sleeping here. I was like yeah, just take it with you, don't worry, we'll pick it up later.
Speaker 2:No, yeah, we took it.
Speaker 1:Take away it was finished before we got to the room, though let's go.
Speaker 3:We need strength to change diapers. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:It's fine, yeah, so it's different.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's so tight, but I think maybe we have the same culture.
Speaker 1:For me it's totally.
Speaker 3:Oh, my mom is like. She's treating Ryan like she was treating me. It's the same. She will change diapers, she will shower, she will make him. She just shopped at the grocery store Everything that she never shopped for me. He's eating organic. Organic, the best food ever. I said we were eating the low cost steak.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but you were eating for 18 years. She only sees him for a couple, maybe a month or something, so the costs are a lot less.
Speaker 3:He's like living the luxury life for a month and he's like coming back here.
Speaker 1:But I'm sure she wanted to give you that also. I think a lot of parents, the grandparents especially, it's yeah, you know they want the best. They want the best for their grandchild. It was the best it was the best that they could do at that time, right.
Speaker 3:She was like it's better to buy more than quality. It's better to fill up the fridge, Exactly.
Speaker 1:She never understands when we have people over and I just buy so much food. She's like you know, it's only like two people that are coming tonight I was like, yeah, but you know my mom always said better to have too much than not enough. You know you don't want the people leaving their house going like I think they're poor.
Speaker 3:Exactly, but I think this is in like the Arabic culture, like the, I think I call it.
Speaker 1:I call it the cultures of financial difficulties. Yeah, it's people when you come from a place where life is not easy and it's more a developing country, exactly, and then you have that mindset Everybody helps each other and you. Everybody puts their hand in the dough to help out.
Speaker 2:And that's different in the developed countries. Yeah, which is actually a bad thing, I would say, because we experienced, because we lived in China, which is also a developing country, and everyone is helping each other. When I arrived, like all my Chinese colleagues, would you know, support me in setting myself up, getting you know a custom and so on, and in Germany that doesn't happen. Yeah, I mean like everyone's, like yep.
Speaker 1:Because everything works, everything works.
Speaker 2:Exactly Like buying a train ticket. I mean, you can do it. Yeah, in China it's a bit difficult, yeah, if you don't. So I think. And so yeah, this is just the I would say it's a nice thing of developing countries where families help each other. The neighbor, you know the neighbor, and everyone is chipping in. In Germany, the thing is, there's no need, but that unfortunately results into everyone is doing their own thing and you don't ask for help, like it's quite sad.
Speaker 1:Yes, it's really sad yeah.
Speaker 2:You live in a big building. You don't know your neighbors.
Speaker 3:I was living in a building in Lebanon and the door was always open for anyone that wants to take coffee or something, so I think this is very nice.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this is very nice, unfortunately, so that's not our culture.
Speaker 1:But that's the interesting part. I mean, you know, that's one of the reasons why we do all of this is because we're two different cultures raising Munanui, totally different, right In our own way, trying to mix our way of doing this and this and this. And then you're like, oh, there's a lot of people out there that are mixing their ways too, you know. And then you feel alone. You don't want to be feel the alone, so you're like, oh, you know, put it out there, let people talk about their stuff. And yeah, it's.
Speaker 2:So that brings me to a good question here that we have on the list. I know we're going really a little bit long.
Speaker 1:Forgot the list.
Speaker 2:But I like the list. So do you have any behaviors that you have yourself, that you don't want your kid to have?
Speaker 3:Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, I would say the relationship I have with money. So, basically, my mom raised me to give a price on everything, like, for example, oh, don't touch this because it's I don't know 50 euros, let's stay. So, basically, this thing because it costed 50 euros, okay, it has value for her and I don't think that it like for me, it not the price doesn't define the value of something. Like, for example, yesterday Ryan was touching my MacBook. We all know that this is 1,200 euros, but I would not tell him like, oh, this is 1,200 euros, don't touch it. I would say this is for mommy. Mommy needs it to work, can I please have it? And you know, I just change the whole thing, just not to put a price on everything, and this is a behavior that I hate. So I'm trying to change myself while educating my son.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's interesting yeah very interesting. So for us it's we also. I mean, for me it's my art, I love art. So I have a lot of art pieces there and it was for me. I'm like don't touch it, that's very expensive. So it's automatic Like don't touch it, that's very expensive. You know none of this one either. Don't touch that.
Speaker 3:You know, later he will give prices to everything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I didn't think about that. But actually it's a really nice way of putting it. I don't touch that. That's for daddy's eyes and mommy's eyes to you know, to enjoy when we don't have to look at you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you can laugh about this with him, but you know, I feel like it's it's. It made me like a robot in some in some ways. Like, okay, this, this is, I don't know, 500 euros. Okay, this has value. But in the, the value of life is not just objects. It's not having a big house is not having a big car. It's just like how you see the value of something is through your eyes, it's not through your pocket.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And I mean I can value this cup Okay, because my mom gave it to me. I don't know before before 10 years. This is priceless for me, and it's not because it's 50 euros, it's because it I can. I cannot put a price on it.
Speaker 1:And this is why it's priceless.
Speaker 3:So, yeah, this is the main behavior. Other than this, I think I'm well educated. So, perfect, exactly.
Speaker 1:But now the inch. Okay, that's, that's a nice one. That's really nice. See. There's also the nice thing about having this discussions with people Like you always learn new things or twist on stuff that you do, but then you just put in another word.
Speaker 3:And you know it, even it, even, it was so. This behavior was really in my mind and it got my life to turn around. This behavior, this, this, how can I say it? Come on, Jean-Dépho.
Speaker 3:Your Google translate, google translate. Anyways, basically, my life turned around this bad behavior, let's say so. I had to. My, my mom, my parents always told me like you have to have a big house because you know people will see you like this, you will have to have this nice car because people will see you like this. And this is again giving value or a price to something. I could live in an apartment and I would be fine, yeah.
Speaker 1:Doesn't say anything about you.
Speaker 3:What do I need more than this? Yeah?
Speaker 1:It's like a failure, a default. It's actually the same word.
Speaker 3:So for me, if, for example, if I, if I married like someone like normal in France that you know earns a normal salary or so, it would be a failure for me, because my mom and my dad told me that succeeding is having a big house, which is it costs, it's, it's, it's a big, it's a big investment. So everything. That's why I'm telling you it's a big, big bad behavior to put a price on something, because it's not even telling that, okay, this is 50 euros, it's like I can. I can reflect it on many situation in my life the marriage, the car, the, the, the, my, my, my relationship with objects, with the material. Don't do this.
Speaker 1:Nice, oh, very good, those I didn't pay for. I borrowed them from a coffee shop for a long time.
Speaker 3:So not say still I'm still an islander.
Speaker 1:They put them out in the bathroom.
Speaker 3:They're made to be taken, but yeah, give your son or your children the value, the value that they have in their eyes, like this is. It has value because I spent time with this object. I someone gave it to me. It has. I use it every day, but not because it costs 50 euros.
Speaker 1:Interesting, beautiful words to add on. That's very, that's very good. Thank you so much for coming on our show.
Speaker 3:Thank you for having me. It was really a pleasure. Very nice to meet you. Thank you, nice to meet you guys.
Speaker 1:Honey bunny.
Speaker 3:I mean, I will see you on Monday.
Speaker 1:You will see me and you'll have moon anyway with you all day. Honey, bunny, I love you.
Speaker 2:I love you too.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:I'm an emotional wreck this last month. I forgive you. I'm working on my patience.
Speaker 1:Now you know how I feel for the last 13 years.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm going to get a bit of it.